ok, before I start, I\'d want to say sorry to anyone that might get offended by stuff in this story. But I\'m simply using \"rp\" stuff I\'ve seen in irc/forums/ingame.
so anyway... enjoy the story 
spamzorThe Lord of The SpamThe story begins in the village of Undermind, where old Link was getting ready huge party to celebrate making yet another hole. The whole village was trying to prepare for the great event, however preparations weren\'t going well - especially because everyone were afk most of the time. Suddenly a group of newbies noticed old character riding into the village - it was great archmage known as Aendar Callenlasse. They surrounded him and started shouting various things:
- \"Aender! Aender! we r noobs, plz help us!\" shouted one while jumping here and there.
- \"how do i open teh doors? I cant reach handle, tell me i know u know!!!1\" shouted yet another one.
Aendar got annoyed at all the newbs shouting and started yelling at them:
- \"shut up noobs! no one is going to answer your questions that could be answered in two seconds by reading the postboard!\"
One of newbies couldn\'t stand it and shouted in response:
- \"u r n00b urself, Aendar! why should i go to postboard if u can answer my questionz now? ur idiot now shut up!\"
Aendar glared at newb and continued arguing:
- \"well if you\'d come here calmly and ask your questions normally, I\'d answer. But if your going to shout it on whole village then no one will answer you. Oh, and you are idiot yourself if you can\'t go and read postboard like normal member of this community\"
It was too much for the newb and he started cussing at Aendar. The shouts didn\'t stay unheard and soon one of villagers was standing next to newbs. They looked at him and suddenly dread covered their faces. The dread lasted only for seconds, as new thing that was covering their faces was C4. The villager started laughing like a psycho, when he detonated faces of few newbs. Blood covered both Aendar and the villager. Few newbs however survived and started running away. The villager wasn\'t going to let them go. He reached into his pocket and one second later he was holding a minigun. It didn\'t take long \'till newbs fell dead to ground under heavy fire. Aendar and villager were staring at each other for a moment and suddenly started laughing at the killed newbs.
- \"Aender! so god to se you\" shouted the villager in joy.
- \"ehh... yea, greetings Seperot\" - answered Aendar while raising an eyebrow. - \"umm... was it... you know... that bloodshed... was it necessary?\"
- \"Teh blood, teh blood!\" Seperot grinned
Aendar raised an eyebrow once again
- \"ooook... so anyway, I\'m going to help Link with the party, are you going with me?\"
- \"sure!\" answered Seperot
The party got started that evening. It wasn\'t completely ready, but it had to do. Still everyone had lots of fun and food. Suddenly people started shouting for Link to make a speech. Link agreed, in fact he was planning this speech for some time now. He wanted to shock everyone with what will he say. He turned to the crowd and grabbed something in his pocket. Silence didn\'t last long, Link started cussing at all the people and none of his sentences made sense. The plan succeded - everyone were shocked. Link smiled and started walking away to his home, the Linkhole. Aendar shrugged and started following Link. When Link entered his home, he started jumping around in joy, but suddenly he heard familiar voice:
- \"You used the spamzor, didn\'t you Link?\" Aendar came out from shadows.
- \"Maybe I did, it is my own business!\" Link frowned at Aendar.
- \"It could end badly for you, but that doesn\'t matter now. Did you leave it for Seperot?\"
- \"yes, yes\" Link sighed and reached into his pocket \"no, wait... it\'s still here\" He took the spamzor out from his pocket and started staring at it. \"on second thought, why should I give it away? It\'s mine, I found it! You know what? f*ck you, Aendar, I\'m keeping it for myself!\"
Aendar glared at Link, suddenly whole room got covered with darkness.
- \"Link, you fool! Leave it to Seperot or I\'ll beat the hell out of ya!\"
Link got scared and threw away the spamzor. He pushed away Aendar and runned away thru the doors of Linkhole. Aendar got up and looked at the spamzor. He tried to inspect it, but its corrupting power was too strong. Suddenly Seperot stepped into the room. Soon after noticing the object on floor, he picked it up.
- \"Links spamzor\" he whispered in amazement.
- \"yes\" answered Aendar \"Listen, we don\'t have much time, this spamzor is very dangerous, we can\'t keep it here. It must be destroyed quickly. Not m...\" suddenly Aendar heard something outside. He looked out thru window and a moment later grabbed something from bushes. It was Tranor. Poor little dwarf tried to explain that he only wanted to \"do his stuff\" after drinking too much beer, but no one was listening. Aendar ordered him to follow Seperot in his journey to Kada-El\'s tavern in Hydlaa where they were supposed to meet again. And so the next day they started their journey to the Hydlaa city. Suddenly they noticed two characters running towards them. It was Monketh and Grakrim.
- \"you two didn\'t think you can leave without us, did you?\" asked Grakrim.
Seperot already grabbed one of his katanas, but Tranor stopped him.
- \"Let them come, they will take our stuff and it\'ll be easier to walk for us\" he whispered to Seperot. Seperot turned to Grakrim and Monketh and said:
- \"ok, you two can come. but you chouldnt folow us so youll hav too drag our stuf\" Seperot grinned and so all four of them came back to their journey.
It was evening when they suddenly heard someone shouting some nonsense in front of them. They quickly jumped away from the road and hid in bushes. Seperot grabbed spamzor in fear, but the power of spamzor started taking over his mind. When the person was passing by, Seperot started yelling:
- \"Tranor, move away, ur fat you know\"
The weird character started sniffing around the bushes, when suddenly he heard another noise. He turned around - it was a cute little bunny. He grabbed his sword and started chasing the bunny. It was their chance to run away and they didn\'t waste it. After a while in distance they only heard dreadful scream:
- \"woot! I killed the bunny, lvl up in swords! I teh roxorz!\"
They decided to take a shortcut, the passege of living rocks. Many legends were saying scary things about this place. Not many left this place, and those that did couldn\'t say what is there as they stayed insane. The four friends were walking quite fast and soon got very tired. All agreed to rest for a while and eat something. Suddenly they heard Tranor screaming. They turned around just to see a dreadful view. Tranor\'s head was already in some Kran\'s mouth. All three started screaming, scaring the Kran, who started running in panic all around the area. Suddenly another Kran appeared and with full force bashed the first one. The larger knuckle dragging Kran pulled tranor out of the fallen krans mouth and smiled a lopsided smile \"j0\". It was Kwartz, an old Kran that has been living in this place for tens of years.
He took them to his house, knowing that they won\'t manage passing this place all by themselfs. In the house there was waiting Nilaya with lots of food ready. Everyone got satiated and were ready to continue the journey. Kwartz decided to escort them and soon they were at the end of the passage. All four friends were very happy that they managed it and started jumping in joy. Soon their screams of joy got stopped by Kwartz:
\"Now gimme crystals or punch inna face..dats me punch u inna face yah? not u punch me inna face, cuz dat wud be just plain silly\" saying that Kwartz made a big diamondy grin.
Few days later they finally reached the city of Hydlaa. It was evening already and they started searching for Kada-El\'s tavern. When they finally found it, they noticed two enkidukais discussing something in front of it. They only heard part of the discussion, it was repeating:
- \"Please explain yourself better, I didn\'t quite get that.\"
- \"Either your not making any sense or my hearing is off today.\"
They moved on and soon got surrounded by the great atmosphere of the tavern. Various people were passing here and there, getting drunk to the point when they pass out. All four of newcomers took their place at the tables. They started drinking beer they ordered, only Seperot was worried. Someone in dark corner of the tavern was staring at him, he decided to ask one of barmaids who is it. The barmaid approached him. It was Alucard, also known as the uber-sexy female. Alucard was wearing leather half-armor, showing off the hairy chest. Seperot raised an eyebrow and asked for the stranger. Alucard answered:
- \"His name is Draklar. He sits in that corner all the time. I would watch out for him, people say he tends to argue a lot.\"
Seperot got nervous and grabbed his spamzor. He started shouting some nonsense and quickly got attention of everyone in tavern. Draklar grabbed him and dragged into one of rooms. Seperot grabbed his galkard and started yelling:
- \"go away, you wont get my spamzor!\"
Draklar not caring about what Seperot is saying, grabbed claymore and slammed the enkidukai. Seperot fell unconcious to the ground. One moment later his companions rushed into the room. One after another, they were put unconcious by the warrior. Draklar then sat down and started looking through one of windows.
The four friends woke up when they heard loud noise downstairs. Draklar told them to look thru window and so they did. They noticed a kran beating up the character they seen few days earlier on the road. Soon another few weird characters got threw out from the tavern. They all were wearing black rags. With all their strength left, they managed to crawl away from the tavern.
- \"Who were they?\" asked Monketh.
- \"They are spamg?ls, the demons of the spamzor. Their leader is the one that got beaten up by the kran. His name is Xordan. All of them however are controlled by someone else, the lord of the spam, also known as Auran. His goal is to spread spam all over the Yliakum and he will use his minions to achieve it. Only thing that he needs now is the spamzor, the one you have now. It needs to be destroyed.\"
- \"B-but... its my spamzor\" Seperot started sobbing.
- \"shut up!\" shouted Draklar \"It must be destroyed and that\'s final!\"
Seperot crossed his arms
- \"well... ok... but wher is Aender? we wer suposed to meat here...\"
- \"I dunno...\" Draklar shrugged \"something must have stopped him. But we can\'t wait, we must go right now.\"
And so Draklar and the four friends left the tavern and started journey once again. It was going rather calmly, however that chenged. They decided to rest at the ruins of Pooky\'s shrine. Everything would go just fine, but Seperot and Tranor had to start fighting once again. The group of spamg?ls heard the loud screams and started aproaching the camp. Draklar that was collecting some wood for the fire, suddenly heard screams for help. He started running back to the camp. Grakrim, Monketh already runned away, Tranor decided to push Seperot down to ground so spamg?ls won\'t follow them. Draklar stopped and smiled as spamg?ls were about to kill Seperot. The Enkidukai grabbed the spamzor hoping it\'ll help, but the demons were resistant to the nonsense he was shouting. Xordan took his galkard and thrusted it right into Seperot\'s heart.
to be continued...
