(23 years later, Ojaveda, Th' Broken Door)
"Sooo.....Am I done with my training?" Garris asked, downing a pint.
"Yep. You're done. I just have one thing to tell you" The asassin said.
"Wazzat?" Garris asked.
"Your father was part of a secret guild known as the Vespers of Laanx, who stole the Dragon Horn Amulet to gain power over Duraza and the Death Realm. As you can tell, it didn't quite work." The asassin said quietly.
"Ah..............." Garris said, soaking in the information.
"I'll kill that freak Duraza, and finish the power of the Death Realm for once and for all" He yelled, and burst from the tavern into the open air of Ojaveda, to gain his reputation and finish off his mother's killer.
To be continued..........
[Read more at: http://hdo.xordan.com/index.htm, at the forums, under stories]
i think this part in your story was either rushed, you didnt like to write it, or you couldnt think of anything else but i feel its missing something.. it sais 23 years later, he finished his training and found out about a key of the story in like 10 or less sentances.
The rest of the story is well done accept this part. maybe add a bit more, maybe a reply from Garris or add a long reaction?
