PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Poetry, Comedy, and other. => Topic started by: Kendrick on January 21, 2002, 01:40:42 am
-
WARNING I DIDN\'T SPELL CHECK
A True Story
The Wicked Witch of Planeshift
(People have English Accents)
Our Hero, Kendrick, bravely walks around Yliakum on his daily witch hunt. It is a blue day in the city, and Kendrick is more Entergetic than usual
*Kendrick walks into kada-els pub, and buys a drink*
-Kendrick- ahhh, Hello bar-keep, seen any witches?
-Kade-el- Stop calling me bar-keep, My name\'s not bar-keep, it\'s Kada-el. And as far as seeing witches, no. I\'m not even sure why the city pays you, theres now such thing as witchs.
-Kendrick- Ahh, not beleive in witches do we?
-Kada-el- Nobody does. Witches arn\'t real.
-Kendrick- Ohh? then how do you explain rain?
-Kada-el- ...
-Kendrick- S\'what I thought.
*Kendrick Finishs his drink and walks outside*
-Homeless old Lady- May I have a handout, sir?
-Kendrick- No.
-Homeless old lady- Please?
-Kendrick- Did you not hear me?
-Homeless old Lady- I can\'t hear, i\'m deaf.
-Kendrick- no your not
-Homeless old Lady- Yes I am, I\'m blind too.
-Kendrick- Shutup, You old bat, you CAN hear me and you CAN see me.
-Homeless old Lady- ....Can I have a hand out?
*Kendrick runs from old lady*
*Kendrick, not seeing any witches in the town, decided to check out side the town*
*Kendrick is walking on a trail when he sees two knights in silver armor*
-Kendrick- Hello Knights, Seen any witches
*Knights Snicker*
-Whitti, The Silver Knight- Yes
-Thekkur, The Other Silver Knights- hehe, yes we saw one back there, near the waterfall.
-Kendrick- *excited* really?
-Whitti- Yup, a small green witch with a big black hat
-Kendrick- GREAT! thanks a lot... this\'ll be the first time I see a witch
-Whitti- Ok, well... have fun
*Knights walk off laughing*
-Kendrick- hmm... those knights were sure happy.
*Kendrick finds the waterfall the knights were talking about, but sees nothing but a enkidukai takeing a shower... with his cloths on*
-Kendrick- HELLO!
-Kendaro- Go away, I\'m medataing.
-Kendrick- Ohh, sorry
-Kendaro- you should be
-Kendrick- thats not nice... maybe i\'m not sorry
-Kendaro- Go away.
-Kendrick- Fine, But have you seen a witch?
*Kendaro lunges at Kendrick*
-Kendrick- EEEEEEEEE!
*Kendaro slaps Kendrick*
*Kendrick Runs away, and doesn\'t stop til he realizes he doesn\'t know where he is*
-Kendrick- oh great... where am i?
*Kendrick looks around*
-Kendrick- Hello?
*Kendrick looks around*
-Kendrick- Where am I?
*Kendrick lays down and sleeps*
*hours later he is awoken by a loud explosion*
-Kendrick- Hello?
-Bill, The magicain- Hi
*Bill casts fireball*
-Kendrick- Who are you?
-Bill- I am Bill, and you are Kendrick?
*Bill casts fireball*
-Kendrick- Who told you that?
-Bill- Nobody
*Bill casts fireball*
-Kendrick- Well your wrong. I\'m not Kendrick, I\'m... Guh...
-Bill- ohh well my second guess was Guh, Well, Guh what are you doing in my house?
*Bill casts fireball*
-Kendrick- I\'m not in your house
-Bill- ohh, sorry...
*Bill casts fireball*
-kendrick- Stop that
-Bill- Sorry
-Kendrick- Where am i?
-Bill- in Yliakum
*Kendrick looks around and sees he\'s in a house in Yliakum*
-Kendrick- Ohh
*Kendrick quickly jumps out the window, and lands on the Homeless old lady*
-Homelesss old Lady- you Jumped on me!
-Kendrick- Whoops
*Bill looks out the window*
*Homeless old land casts spell at kendrick*
*Kendrick ducks*
-Kendrick- HA HA!
*Magic spell hits bill and turns him into a newt*
-Kendrick- You Turned him into a newt!
-Homeless old Lady- What? who are you? I can\'t see you. Where are you?
*Two Knights come running to the scean*
-whitti- Ahhh Stop! it\'s a witch!
-Thekkur- Yes, stop!
*The Two knights atemp to kill witch*
*Kendaro Jumps into fight to help witch*
*Kendrick runs away, and hides behind trash can that wasn\'t there in that time period*
*Kendaro kills Thekkur*
*Whitti kills Kendaro*
*Whitti Kills Whitch*
-Kendrick- Hurray! you killed a witch
*Whitti walks up to Kendrick and hits him on the head*
*Kendrick gets knocked out, when he comes to Whitti is looking at him from across the table in kada-els bar*
-Kendrick- Oww, My head
-Whitti- Yes, you fell off your horse
-Kendrick- I don\'t have a horse
-Whitti- You did
*kendrick stands up*
-Kendrick- Ohh, Did I find a witch?
*Whitti stands up and pats Kendrick on the back*
-Whitti- Nope, Better luck tommorrow, eh?
~~~~~THE END~~~~~
-
Awesome! :D
-
LOL, splendid stuff, very funny :D
It makes a great Monty Python-esque play for the PS theatre :)
(I half expected to see an appearance by a certain deadly rabbit ;) )
-
Hey, you\'re right, it would make a great play! Maybe you should save the script in a file somewhere and when the beta starts, get a group of actors to perform it in Kada El\'s BBB. 8)
-
Profiling an Enkidukia
Two men sit in a bar. They are some what sober.
*Valathous and Kiern stare at an Enkidukia from across the room*
-Valathous- Look, it\'s another Enkid... *hick* I hate them all, stupid tits
*Kiern shakes his head in approval*
-Kiern- Aye, tits is the right word for them
-Valathous- Look at \'em sitting there, thats a crime!
-Kiern- hehe... tit... that is a funny word... hehe
*Valathous slaps Kiern on the head*
-Valathous- Shtup up... we need to get revenge
-Kiern- Revenge for what?
-Valathous- Do you not remember?
-Kiern- I don\'t remember anything you tell me... well... i did remember you saying tit... hehe yes, you are good with words
*Valathous Slaps Kiern again*
-Valathous- idiot!
-Kiern- Oww! sorry, sir, I won\'t compliment you again!
-Valathous- That very same Enkid bit you last week
-Kiern- OWW! he Bit me!
-Valathous- Hurry now! it\'s time for your revenge! Go and bite him!
*Kiern Jumps at the Enkid*
-Kiern- RARR!
*Kendaro, The Enkidukia Slaps Kiern away*
-Kendaro- Leave Kendaro alone
*Runs back to his seat with Valathous*
-Kiern- ouch! He hit me!
-Valathous- Hmmm... Well have to take a \"Stratigic\" strike
-Kiern-...
-Valathous- now think... what don\'t Enkids like?
-Kiern- umm people? math? Starfish? Lead? It\'s lead isn\'t it?
-Valathous- Starts with a \'W\'
-Kiern- Women! Warts! umm winkles? oh oh! WATER! ENKIDS HATE WATER!
-Valathous- gooood... now, how can we use water against the Enkid?
-Kiern- ask him to have a swimming contest and the winner gets to bite the loser?
-Valathous- NO! We should pour water on him!
-Kiern- ARRR! but... how?
-Valathous- Fetch a can, I\'ll wait here... put some water in it too
*Kiern runs off*
*half an our later he brings back the items*
-Kiern- Got it!
-Valathous- good, now go throw it on him, and remember... he bites... and be sneaky!
-Kiern- sneaky... right, sneaky
*Kiern, very sneakaly, snuck up behind the now drunk enkid and poured the water on him*
-Kiern- REVENGE!! HA HA HA!
-Valathous- HA HA HA!
*Kendaro kills Kiern*
*Suddenly Two Knights come in*
-Whitti, the Knight- All right what happend? who killed him?
-whole rooms- Silence
*Valathous points at Kendaro*
-Valathous- Him, him. It was him!
*Kendaro kills Valathous*
-Kendaro- RARR!
~~~~~THE END~~~~~~~
I promise the next one will make more sense, it\'s just not late enuf... the stupid only comes out in the dark *Thankfully*
-
Oh my god that was so funny! If my chair did not have hand rests I would have fallen down!
\"Hehe tits....thats a funny word...hehehe\"
AHAHAHAHHAH! You rock! :D
-
lol good replication of my some-what sober self
-
Once again no spell check
----------
Holy Monks of Jayose
Monks in the Holy Temple of Laanx
*Monks Chanting*
-Head Monk- All right quite, quite! I shall read from the holy texts
-Kendrick, The Small monk- Good, my favorite part of the day
-Whitti, the Large Monk- Yes yes, mine too
-Head Monk- I said quite! You two, the fat on, and that small one! shut up! I said shutup! Shutup or you\'ll have a spanking in your near future!
-Kendrick- hehe, I like that idea, I haven\'t had a spanking in years
-Whitti- Ohh yes, a spanking
-Head Monk- Quite!
-Kendrick- Shhhh
-Head Monk- Alright *clears throat* Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one. And Lannx did speak saying \"Thou shalt findith a witch, a short witch, about the size as a large ducky. When thou findith a witch, thou shall send her to me for judgement. And if thy findith a truely evil witch then thou shall be rewarded with a great feast of Grapes.\"...Amen
-Kendrick- *Wipes tears* Moving...
-Head Monk- What Laanx is trying to tell us is that there is a witch...
-Thekkur, the Dwarven Monk- A witch! We must find this Witch and bring her pain!
-Whitti- i must agree, grapes do sound good
-Kendrick- Whitti, It\'s not all about the grapes... it\'s about doing lannxs will
-Whitti- I meant that... but, i do love grapes
-Head Monk- There will be no grapes for anyone! We are to give the grapes to the needy!
-BattleMaster, the Wild- but I want grapes!
-Whitti- YEAH! grapes, if we find the witch we demand our grapes!
-Thekkur- Do we kill the witch too?
-Head Monk- Of course
-Thekkur- Whooopy!
-Kendrick- How do you kill a witch? Can\'t they fly, and cast spells and make ghosts, and goblins, and poison breakfast cearals and kill sloths?
-Thekkur- hmm... maybe if we taunt her, and if it\'s harsh and theres a lot of it, maybe, juuust maybe she will explode
-Whitti- Explodes into grapes?
-Kendrick- Explodes into fairy dust i would think
-Whitti- Ohh yes, that only makes sense
-Head Monk- Wait... as i read further, it explains how to kill it... ahh here it is! Quote the Holy Texts \"Thou shall kill it with water, or fire, or dirt or wind.\"
-Thekkur- So we set it ablaze! or give it a drink of water!
-Whitti- The water one sounds the easyest
-BattleMaster- Yup, i would think slipping her a glass of water wouldn\'t be that hard
-Kendrick- Does it say where to find a witch?
-Head Monk- NO! Lannx is never that clear in his wrightings!
-Kendrick- Didn\'t he say it was the size of a large ducky?
-Head monk- thats not the point! the Point is that you will interpret the word of Laanx as I say!
-Whitti- off with his head!
-Head Monk- Now Whitti, Kendrick is a holy monk, he... he... hmm he is witch like isn\'t he...
-Thekkur- Kendrick is a witch! i knew it! I knew it all along!
-Head Witch- ohh, Look it says here in the book... QUOTE THE HOLY TEXTS! \"KENDRICK IS A WITCH, AND HE IS A FEMALE\"
-Kendrick- I\'m not a female!
-Head Witch- ohh! are you saying the holy texts LIE!?
-Kendrick- The holy texts don\'t say that! you made that up!
-Whitti- If we kill him, we get grapes!
-battlemaster- Grapes! woo hoo!
-Thekkur- Give him some water!
*Whitti runs to get some water*
-Whitti- Got it!
-Head Monk- Hold him down! I mean her! hold her down!
-Kendrick- ahh!
*Monks grap Kendrick and hold him down*
-Head Monk- HAHA! your legs are hairy for a woman, this is even more proof that you are a witch!
-Whitti- Your not looking at a ladies legs are you now, head monk?
-Battlemaster- Mind your wandering eyes men! this be a witch!
-Kendrick- I\'m a man!
*monks pours water into kendricks mouth*
-Kendrick- *Gargle* help!
-Whitti- Give her somemore!
*Monks pour more water*
-Kendrick- *Gargle* man *gargle*
*Kendrick eyes fog over*
-Whitti- ok, thats enuf, I don\'t like watery grapes!
-Kendrick- MAN!
*Kendrick dies*
*monks wait paitently*
-Thekkur- wheres the grapes?
-Whitti- Ohh great! We forgot to taunt him!
*Monks slap their heads*
-Head monk- Little late for that now...
-Whitti- Well... maybe their inside of him!
*Whitti runs to get a knife*
-Whitti- here, thekkur, you do the honor
-Thekkur- Thanks
*Thekkur takes knife and guts Kendrick*
-Whitti- Ewww.. is that what grapes smell like?
-Head monk- I don\'t know... i\'ve never seen a grape before
-BattleMaster- well maybe those are grapes
-Whitti- where?
-battlemaster- there, those red things
-Whitti- good, it\'s about time we get our reward
-Thekkur- i\'ve seen grapes, those arn\'t grapes
-Whitti- what are they?
-Thekkur- umm... insides
-Whitti- are insides like grapes?
-Thekkur- I don\'t think so
-Whitti- Well I want grapes
*Monks sit there for awhile*
-Head Monk- TO THE TEXTS!
*head monks runs to the book and flips to a random page*
-Head monk- QUOTE THE HOLY TEXTS! \"I meant insides, not grapes\"
-whitti- well thats just peachy
-Thekkur- no grapes!?
-Head Monk- No grapes
*Monks start to cry*
~~~~~THE END~~~~~
-
Thanks for making me the msart one and kiern the dumb one. Unfrotunetly i die.
-
at least you were in a story :rolleyes: ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;( ;(
-
should I write some more?
-
8) 8o I think you should they are very entertaining :D
-
Originally posted by Kendrick
should I write some more?
Definately, they make me giggle! (http://members.aol.com/funonangelswings/lol1.gif)
-
Ahem.... you forgot some one...
**stands around whistling to himself**
-
yeah bigfoot, i bet we would be great actors *strikes a flexing pose* yeah me and bigfoot are great, plus the camera loves us ;)
-
OMG kendrick, do you mind if i print some of these off and take them to school?
-
Yet another, stupid, but true story.
Ector The Brave
It was a cold morning in Jahahalad, a village out side of Yliakum and the sky was bright. Our hero, Ector was juust crossing the bridge entering the small village. A guard, named Cyonamie stands guarding the end of the bridge.
*Ector walks on the bridge.*
Cyonamie: What are you doing?
Ector: Walking... What are you doing?
Cyonamie: I\'m guarding, Towns Quarantined
Ector: What ever for?
Cyonamie: Some Kran loony... he\'s eating people...
Ector: ohh
Cyonamie: Yes, He bites them. urh, as sort of tasting you. If you taste good on the first bite, he\'ll bite you again.
Ector: Ewww.
Cyonamie: Yes. well have fun.
Ector: G\'day
*Ector walks into the town, which is totally desertered*
Ector: HEELLLOO?! Is anyone there?!
*some thing moves in a tent nearby*
Acriag: Whose there?!
Ector: It is I, Ector the Brave!
Acriag: Oh, thats nice!! Hehehe! soon to be Ector the Eaten!
*Acriag jumps from the tent and runs away*
Ector: Crazy fellow.
*Ector walks around the town for a few minutes looking for the mad kran*
Whitti, the Speech Inpedimentist: YOU? There, Where are? you going!
Ector: To find the monster.
Whitti: why would! someone diliberalty,. confront. that beast,
Ector: eaa? Pardon?
Whitti: Sorry! I? Have a bit a of speech impediment, people! call me. Whitti the. Speech
Inpedimentist, I travel the world! spreading the faith? of Inpedimentists! would you. care
to convert!
Ector: umm.. what are the advantages of the impediment?
Whitti: WELL! protection. from evil.
Ector: What kind of Evil?
*Long pause*
Whitti: the red kind? look! do you want to convert? or not.
Ector: Not really. I would rather slay a kran.
Whitti: VERY! well... good! bye?
*Ector continues his search.*
*Ector hears some one speaking in side of a tent.*
*Ector walks over to the tent and looks inside. The tent is a store named \"Talads Toys\"*
BigFoot: Hello dolly
*Bigfoot holds a doll*
BigFoot: Helllo?
*Bigfoot nudges the doll with his hand*
Bigfoot: are you alive?
*bigfoot taps the doll on the head*
Bigfoot: say something if you don\'t want me to eat you.
doll:
Bigfoot: RARRR!
*bigfoot eats the doll*
Bigfoot: yummy yummy!
*bigfoot picks up another doll*
Bigfoot: speak doll!
*bigfoot slams doll on the ground and stomps on it*
Bigfoot: if dolly don\'t speak, dolly must die!
*bigfoot eats doll*
*Bigfoot picks up another doll*
Big Foot: whats your name?
Ector in a doll voice: Alice
bigfoot: ahh! doll talk! doll talk!
doll: dolly is hungry.
bigfoot: ahh! don\'t eat me!
doll: feed me.
Bigfoot: what do you want?
doll: i want your blood.
Bigfoot: *crying* I don\'t have any!
doll: WHAT!! NO BLOOD RARR!
bigfoot: eek!
*Ector jumps in and attacks the kran*
*bigfoot bites ector*
bigfoot: Shh doll is talking.
*Ector pull out his sword and de-heads bigfoot*
*bigfoots head hits the floor, but his head is still alive*
bigfoot: ouucchhhyy what was that for?
Ector: umm... justifiable retribution?
bigfoot: ohh
*big foots body attacks Ector*
*Bigfoots body kills Ector*
bigfoot: come to me, body.
*big foots body walks around stupidly*
-------------------------------------------
I\'m bored with this one. Feel free to finish it, otherwize consider that the end.
-
as funny as ever :). GO KENDRICK! ;)
-
LOL sorry if i laugh any more my other leg will fall off.
keep up the good work.
(http://www.yoursighost.com/users/BRIMSTONE/sig3.jpg)
LET THE FIRE ALWAYS BURN
-
The elders of the great city of yliakum call a meeting.
-Elder #1: There is a great peril in our land. Is it someone named sorehon.
-Mistwalker: Sorehon? What the hell are you talking about?
-Elder#2: Yes, sarehon. He is seeking something that used to be his. It is the one wristwatch!
-Mistwalker: A what?
-Elder #1: A wristwatch of power. And you, yes you, must take this wristwatch to the one place that it can be destroyed!
-Mistwalker: Why me?
-Elder #2: Your the only one who showed up.
-Mistwalker: Damn. Where do I have to take it?
-Elder #1: You must take the wristwatch to the evil land of boremore, to the great Butte Doom, where it must be tossed into the crack of fire there!
-Mistwalker: Please don\'t say it.
-Elder #2: YES! YOU MUST HURL THE WRISTWATCH INTO THE BUTTE CRACK OF DOOM!
-Mistwalker: On my own?
-Elder #1: No, we will put you with a group of 9 people, who won\'t get along, and will be a royal pain in the ass for you, and will eventually start to kill each other in order to gain the wristwatch of power. Oh, and you will also have to avoid 9 unkillable guys dressed in black who ride small pink ponies.
-Elder #2: Your companions will be Lickanass, the Elf, Streaker, the ranger, Gimpy the dwarf, Boredtotears, the large and unsightly warrior, Marie and Flippin, the small unsighlty things smaller and uglier than dwarves, Slam Bang-gee, who smells quite a bit, and GrandAlf the light purple, who likes to eat cats.
-Mistwalker: Sounds like winners.
-Elder #1: Oh yeah. Off with you now.
-Mistwalker: Can\'t I just smash this thing with a hammer?
-Elder #2: Oh hell no, that would be to simple. Its indestuctable unless you toss it into the Butte Crack.
Thats all for now! Let me know if you want more installments of this almost good story.
-
kendrick you should post that story you said you were going to write...from the other night in the mirc channel.lol :D