PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Poetry, Comedy, and other. => Topic started by: mistwalker on February 19, 2002, 06:08:08 pm
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I actually posted this on another thread, but no one seemed to see it. (it wasn\'t a thread I started).
Anyway, here is my story, have fun!
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The elders of the great city of yliakum call a meeting.
-Elder #1: There is a great peril in our land. Is it someone named sorehon.
-Mistwalker: Sorehon? What the hell are you talking about?
-Elder#2: Yes, sarehon. He is seeking something that used to be his. It is the one wristwatch!
-Mistwalker: A what?
-Elder #1: A wristwatch of power. And you, yes you, must take this wristwatch to the one place that it can be destroyed!
-Mistwalker: Why me?
-Elder #2: Your the only one who showed up.
-Mistwalker: Damn. Where do I have to take it?
-Elder #1: You must take the wristwatch to the evil land of boremore, to the great Butte Doom, where it must be tossed into the crack of fire there!
-Mistwalker: Please don\'t say it.
-Elder #2: YES! YOU MUST HURL THE WRISTWATCH INTO THE BUTTE CRACK OF DOOM!
-Mistwalker: On my own?
-Elder #1: No, we will put you with a group of 9 people, who won\'t get along, and will be a royal pain in the ass for you, and will eventually start to kill each other in order to gain the wristwatch of power. Oh, and you will also have to avoid 9 unkillable guys dressed in black who ride small pink ponies.
-Elder #2: Your companions will be Lickanass, the Elf, Streaker, the ranger, Gimpy the dwarf, Boredtotears, the large and unsightly warrior, Marie and Flippin, the small unsighlty things smaller and uglier than dwarves, Slam Bang-gee, who smells quite a bit, and GrandAlf the light purple, who likes to eat cats.
-Mistwalker: Sounds like winners.
-Elder #1: Oh yeah. Off with you now.
-Mistwalker: Can\'t I just smash this thing with a hammer?
-Elder #2: Oh hell no, that would be to simple. Its indestuctable unless you toss it into the Butte Crack.
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Thats all for now! Let me know if you want more installments of this almost good story.
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although it is stupid, it is strangely very amusing
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I agree. Lol the Butte Crack of Doom.
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hahahahahaha that make me laugh so hard!!!! hahahhahahaha
meket has a weird senceof humor..i usualy pay little attention to these role playing forums but i heard this was funny and woo it iwas lol!!
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:D :D :D LOL :D :D :D
Where do ppl come up with these things?
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You laugh! Does that mean you want more? I suppose I can pull something out of my.... uh, brain....
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The Wristwatch of Doom: Episode 2
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Because of certain reasons, this plot cannot be continued in the vast underground world, so the author will now patch together some extremely flimsy plot rationalizations that puts the badly written group of 9 on the surface.
Elder #1: You, Mistwalker, will be our, uh, savior, or something.
Elder #2: Yes, and you must travel to the surface to complete this journey, as there is no possible way that a Butte Doom exists here.
Mistwalker: Well, I know we can\'t actually take the time to travel to the surface, because it would take to much time for the author to explain and would be too much work.
Elder #1: Righty ho, so GrandAlf will teleport you there, but this will be the only time he will be able to use this ability, as it is just a cop out of writing the whole journey to the surface bit.
Mistwalker: Makes sense.
Elder #2: And don\'t you find it interesting how each of us two elders somehow manage to speak in turn?
Mistwalker: Does it really matter?
Elder #1: No. Well, here are all your moro- I mean team-mates.
Mistwalker: Howdy.
The Fellowship of the Watch: (in unison) Grumble groan grumble......
GrandAlf steps forward from the rest. He is easily told apart because of his guazy purple robes and a bag of squaling cats attempting to escape, and also his braded nosehair. He raises a staff made of PVC pipe, and Shouts \"E Pluribus Unum!\" A tremendous flash of purple blinds everyone in the group, and they appear in a green pasture full of sheep.
Mistwalker: Could have been worse I suppose....
GrandAlf pops a kitten in his mouth and chews slowly.
Mistwalker: OK, now it\'s worse...
Gimpy: (above the squaling of the cat) Where do we go now?
Grandalf: (after swallowing) Ummm, we shall journey to the...(flips a coin).......East!
The group travels to the east for 20 days Until they hit an old looking forest with trees that occasionly eat passersby.
GrandAlf: We shall go through the forest!!
Mistwalker: Why don\'t we go to the south, its faster....
GrandAlf: We shall go through, because of, uh.... the reason!
Mistwalker: And what\'s the reason?
GrandAlf: I can\'t tell you.
Mistwalker: Why not?
Grandalf: Because of the reason!
Lickanass coughs a cough that sounds oddly like \"bulls***\".
Streaker: What, the same reason?
GrandAlf: No!, a much grander reason.......
Flippin: And whats that?
GrandAlf: I cannot tell you!
Streaker: And just why the hell not?
GrandAlf: Because of the-
Mistwalker: (interupting GrandAlf) Godammit, lets just go!
They start through the forest, and suddenly, and very expectedly, a tree grabs Slam Bang-gee and attempts to eat him, even though trees don\'t do that sort of thing, and it makes absolutely no sense in the plot, and would be left completely out of a movie, if one were to be made from this.
And equally suddenly and expectedly, a tall thin buck toothed guy with a shotgun jumps out and starts chanting silly things, and even more silly, the tree lets Slam go and begins to act like a tree again.
Tall thin as of yet unnamed man with a shotgun: Howdy yall, they be a\' callin\' me Tommy-Joe Bobby-Dill.
GrandAlf lifts his PVC staff and yells \"Akuna Mattata Ka Pasa!\" and the tree grabs Tommy-Joe Bobby-Dill and eats him vorasiously.
Mistwalker: Thanks.
GrandAlf: No problem.
They travel through the forest and camp just outside of its border.
Mistwalker: (over the sound of GrandAlf skinning a cat) What exactly does this wristwatch that I\'m carrying do?
Streaker: I think it ticks a fair bit...
Slam Bang-gee: (stands up after finishing humping a large rock) Do not mind him, he is dull, but he is slow......wait...
Mistwalker: Does anyone actually know what this thing does?
Various grumbles and groans pass though the group......
GrandAlf: It is the wristwatch of power! It\'s force is ineffable!
Flippin: What does that mean?
Marie: I think it means it can\'t be effed.....
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That\'s all for now! Hope you enjoyed this installment!
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Someone say something. Did you like this one?
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I laughed very very hard. Tommy-Joe Bobby-Dill??
I loved the bit where GrandAlf goes \"Akuna mattata Que Pasa!!\" and get Tommy-Joe Bobby-Dill eaten. You should be on the, whats it called?, background people for this game.
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hahaha
you make me laugh...which is not a hard feat but u doit well..
i liked the other bit better but this was good too..loved the part about the tree and stuff. the way these are put together it reminds me of like some sort of mel brooks flick. good stuff... hehe
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Thanks for the feedback. I have been out of town this weekend, so I will write the next one this evening.
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hmm thsi story reminds of a book I read or a movie I saw. but i can\'t remember what it was hmm.o yeah it was lethal weapon.. no that isn\'t right now anywho
THIS SH*T IS VERY FUNNY!!!
ps. ey meket I accidently clicked on your sig and I was magicly transported to the BBB forum ?(
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The Wristwatch of Doom: Episode 3
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(Recap: Group sets off, meets forest, Slam Bang-gee nearly gets eaten by a tree, even though trees don\'t do that sort of thing, Guy named Tommy-Joe Bobby-Dill jumps out of woods and saves Slam, and seeing that Tommy-Joe was gonna be an extremely annoying character, GrandAlf makes a preemtive strike and has the tree eat Tommy-Joe Bobby-Dill, Mistwalker asks what the watch does, GranAlf sidesteps the question like the best of politicians and says it\'s power is ineffable.)
The group travels east and south through the lands of sillyness, and tries to avoid the nine Black riders on small pink ponies.
GandAlf: We must find the house of Nimrond, where we may rest and decide who shall carry the Wristwatch of Power to the land of Boremore...
Mistwalker: Wasn\'t I supposed to do that?
GrandAlf: Very well, you shall carry it....
Mistwalker: No, wait, I do-
GrandAld: No! It is meant to be! You must do it now! The spirits have declared themselves through your voice!
Mistwalker: Aw crap. Well, whats at Nimronds?
GrandAlf: Lots of tasty cats..... and other things too.....
Mistwalker: Thats nice, we have to face some horendous peril just to get to a place that has cats for you to eat.
GrandAlf: Yes, thats about right. I\'m almost out of cats. And to get there, we must go beyond the Oderous Mountains.
Mistwalker: Sound like a good time. Lets get it over with.
They journey to the foothills of the Oderous Mountains, and are faced with a decision...
GrandAlf: We can either go over the pass, which won\'t work, because Sorehueman\'s influence is too strong, or we can go under the mountain.
Streaker: Who is Sorehueman?
GrandAlf: He was the leader of our order, until he turned to evil, and aided Sorehon. Actually, it should have been pretty damn obvious, considering their names are almost the same...
Mistwalker: Why don\'t we go south through the gap of Ramen?
Streaker: The inhabitants of the gap are not known to be friendly...
GrandAlf: They are skilled in the art of noodlemaking, and use their skills well in battle...
Mistwalker: No, not again, please dear god no...
GrandAlf: Yes, the Ramen Noodlers. Their intent is not clear. We must go under the mountain!
Gimpy: Yes, we will go under, through the mines of Moronia! And there we will meet my brother Flailin, the easily defeated in battle!
Mistwalker: Whatever, lets just go.
They journey through the mines of Moronia, and discover that Flailin, the easily defeated in battle, was defeated in battle, probably very easily.
They camp in one of the many smelly dank disgusting caverns of the sort that dwarves like, and Flippin decides to do something stupid.
Flippin: I think I\'ll drop this rock down this hole, and absolutely nothing will happen... (sound of rock bouncing off of walls)
GrandAlf: You fool! You know, your sort tastes a lot like cats!
The group hears snare drums.
GrandAlf: Here they come.....
Mistwalker: Here what come?
Streaker: The hoards of Sorehueman! The evil creatures that are as strong as dwarves and twice as smelly...
Boredtotears: Dorc\'s!
The door crashes to the ground, and hoards of dorc\'s rush in with cries of \"Uhh!\" and \"Dur, dur!\".
Streaker: (completely nude) Farhfignuegen!
GrandAlf: My Casa Su Casa!
Boredtotears: Sprechen Sie Deutsch!!
They rush into battle and kill the dorcs, somehow do not lose any of the party, even thought there are hundreds of dorcs to only nine in the party.
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Soon to come: The even worse thing that for some reason has never been discovered even though it is huge and made out of flame and smoke and is probably pretty goddam difficult to miss.
Stay tuned to this string!
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This is so funny! If there was a laughing smiley I would fill the page with them!
And one little idea: Make the Balrog (or whatever you call it) fart fire instead of breathe it. And it ends up being this small little thing, but it farts huge fire.
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Hmmm... I dunno. Probably not, but thanks for the suggestion anyway. I\'m still considering what the balrog will turn out to be. The hardest thing about doing a parody is coming up with new names that are funny.
I\'m also thinking about gollum.... Might do a parody of his real name, Smeagol, although most people don\'t know that name. Because I pulled this out of my butt, I have no Frodo.
In the book \"Bored of the Rings\" the charachters were as follows:
Frodo Baggins: Frito Bugger
Bilbo Baggins: Dildo Bugger
Gandalf the Grey: Goodgulf Greyteeth
Legolas: Legolamb
Gimli: Gimlet
Strider: Stomper
Boromir:?
Merry: Moxie
Pippin: Pepsi
Tom Bombadil: Tim Benzidrene
Balrog: Ball-hog
Sauron: Sorehead
Gollum: Goddam
Orcs: Narcs
By the way, I plan to do these about one a day until I run out of lord of the rings to parody. Maybe I\'ll do a \"Hobbit\" then.
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THE HOBBIT RULES they should make a movie of that book I think would prolly be cooler then lotr! especially the battle of the 5 armies!!this would turn out great in a movie!!
I really liked your latest part of the wristwatch of doom!! the second wasn\'t so good as the first and third!!
o yeha bill there is a laughing smilley lol but just not on this forum
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For a little bit the battle of five armies was in The FellowShip movie. I\'ve never read the Hobbit, but I did see a cartoon animated one in class several years ago.
Oh well keep up the work mistwalker, its coming on awesomely.
That smiley is the most ****ed up smiley ever.
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The next one will be written tonight. The second one wasn\'t so good because it was just filler material to get you into the story, and the first one was funny because you got all the names of the characters and the general plot.
Bill, I may use part of your suggestion, the part about it being small. Maybe, but maybe not. I\'m not sure yet.
BTW, I may not have mentioned it in the last post, but \"Bored of the Rings\" is a book parody of LOTR, and a VERY funny one at that. My parody is funny, but that one is of much higher quality, check it out.
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The Wristwatch of Doom: Episode 4
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The group travels through the dark damp mines of Moronia, slaying the occasional Dorc without trouble, when all of a sudden they smell a bit of smoke...
Lickanass: (whispering to Mistwalker) I think this is where GrandAlf bites it...
GrandAlf: A Bedrock!
They hear a distant \"Yabba dabba....\"
The group runs across the bridge of Damyor Dum, and only GrandAlf stays behind, holding his PVC staff high in the air.
GrandAlf: I am the weilder of the sacred lightbuld of Gonorrhea! You cannot pass!
The beast steps apon the bridge, it\'s large woden club smoldering in the dark, and muscles bulging under it\'s leapord skin clothing.
Bedrock: Yabba dabba do!
GrandAlf: You cannot pass! (removes a circlet of metal from a magical device that looks somewhat like a small green pineapple, counts to 3, and throws)
The bridge explodes with a great deal of force, and both are hurled into the abyss below. The squals of cats can be heard for a long time after the explosion...
Mistwalker: 1 down...
Lickanass: No! He cannot die! his leadership was...well, actually it was pretty bad... We\'re actually probably better off with out him. Lets just go.
The group leaves the squalid dwarven mines, and prepares to travel to Nimron\'s house.
Streaker: I will lead you now.... On to Nimronds palace!
Mistwalker: Well, thats just wonderful, we have someone who\'s battle tactic is to run naked... Oh, and you do know that Nimrond\'s house was actually BEFORE the mines of Moronia... I didn\'t mention it before because I didn\'t want GrandAlf getting more cats to eat. But since he\'s dead...
Streaker: Fine, we\'ll go to The golden forests of Stuped Morien then....
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That one was kinda short, so I\'ll probably do another one tonight... Enjoy!
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Ahahahaha! Bedrock, thats original! Lol!
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when was the battle of 5 armies in the lotr movie?? I watched that movie 39 times !!! and I think I can dream it by now
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Oh come one, lencric, like anything this lame would be published. This IS original. Not good, but original. Maybe you are thinking of \"Bored of the Rings,\" which is similar only because it is a parady of LOTR. It\'s also a lot better than this.
It\'s really sad when you attack my crappy writing. Find something else about me to attack.
Or here, I\'ll call your sad and pathetic bluff. Post a URL.
C\'mon man, this is sad. I spend 10 minutes a day pulling this out of my ass, I would NOT copy something as lame as this.
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Actually a **** load of companies own rights to Lord of the Rings. Like how Universal owns movie rights, and Activision or something owns the game rights.
But really Lenric, are you trying to make yourself sound cool? And who cares, beside yourself, if he is just changing a few words. Thats what lots of paradies are.
Its funny, period. No need to flame or broil.
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You know what bill I was merely stating a fact that this was taken from somewhere else. It was and I already stated I was looking for it.And I did state that it was funny much funnier when the original auther wrote it though.How would you feel if you worked on something and others took credit for it.
But if you want to talk trash to me fine be my guest .It helps me in the long run.
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You know, paradies are legally allowed.
And I actually had to make up a reason why the party DIDN\'T go to elronds house, because I forgot that it happened before moria.
And in what other parody does a giant fred flintstone attack the group, and what other parody does gandalf eat cats (a nod to the character \"Alf,\" BTW, if you didn\'t realize it)?
In what other parody does Tom Bombadil get eaten by a tree?
In what other parody does gandalf have a PVC staff, and weilds \"the Lightbuld of Gonnorea\"?
Thanks for the backup, Bill, btw.
I dunno if I will post any more of these. People like Lenric ruin things that are otherwise fun.
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Lenric, dude, I did not rip this off from somewhere else. It\'s pretty obvious that this is pulled out of my ass.
Quit being a jerk.
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yeah and people like mistwalker cry and complain when people tell the truth about them.
Then they try to ruin other peoples threads that have nothing at all to do with them like im doing back to him now. :-)
oh look I burned mistwalkers book oh no now he might have to think of an orginal line.
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Oh, grow up. I didn\'t ruin the other post. I joined in, like YOU did. You ruined it on your own.
And if you are trying to say I copied this, then PROVE it, or shut up, idiot.
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You know, people like Lenric and Zaylich make me sick. They get mad at me for something not connected to this thread, and then they have to say \"WAIT, HE COPIED IT! HE\'S A BAD PERSON!!!\"
Every line of what I wrote was original. Maybe not good, but original.
I am calling your bluff.
POST THE URL TO OR SHUT THE HELL UP YOU MORONS!
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Hmm whats lenric mad at you for ?
As for you complaining about threads isnt that what you did bringing in your little problems on a thread and topic that had nothing to do with you?
Im confused in your childish brain do you think that only you are allowed ,to speak to people like that?
Lenric what are you Mad at this little runt for thought you two would be right up each others allys being goodie goodies.
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P.s your still editing your posts Mistwalker stop doing that so people can see just what a fool you are please.
Shall we continue this little war or do you cry uncle?
If you say uncle i\'ll leave you be if not well i\'ll bother you tell hell freezes over :-)
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What does editing my posts have to do with anything? I fix spelling errors and make things clearer. Or in the case of my \"Wristwatch of doom\" posts, to make something funnier. What are you talking about cry uncle?
Wheres that URL, huh? You have no evidence AT ALL, nothing, zilch.
I wrote these stories, not someone else.
So again I say, Put up or shut up!
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That other thread wan\'t connected with you, either. Quit being a hypocrite. What are you talking about \"I\'m the only one who can talk like that?\'
I\'m only asking you to prove that I copied this. Which you CAN\'T do because I didn\'t copy anything.
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Originally posted by mistwalker
Oh, grow up. I didn\'t ruin the other post. I joined in, like YOU did. You ruined it on your own.
And if you are trying to say I copied this, then PROVE it, or shut up, idiot.
You joined in ? How did you?
One person was doing a prayer to himself or a dark force, a dark force answered.
Then you came in saying you killed me .
which i could of agreed on if in some way if you even knew of the whisperings and the answers which I cant see that you could be as theres is no way you could of heard them.
see its what we call player character information
you yourself might of known of what was going on but your character.......
Now there are a various amount of ways you might of really entered if you had so wished.
you could of had a friend scry for you revealing certain dark powers.
You could have magic of your own where you might of heard them.
those are just two there are more shall we continue your lessons are you learning anything yet.
also Lenric stated a belief up above he said he was pretty sure he didnt say he was positive then you started flaming him.He never called you a jerk or a moron.Though from reading his posts and reading yours .I cant see how he could be a moron.
You know i havent read much of you but everytime I have .If it wasnt this story you got into an arguement with someone about you not understanding.
Now I have nothing really against you.But I am getting to the point where I do .I have never come into any topic of yours and done anything or took anyones sides.
Until this one .
However i cant help but think if im not the only one that thinks this perhaps its true.
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I have already adressed the previous point.
You are claiming I copied this. Prove it. The reason I called you both morons was because you BOTH claimed I had copied these posts without evidence.
I apologize for flaiming before in this thread. It was a mistake. I was angry, because you both were calling question to my integrity, which was wrong on your part.
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I think we could agree to disagree. At least just stay out of each others hair. Lets just forget the tangeled mess of arguments, and at least just ignore each other.
But the one thing I know to be absolutely true and indisputable is that the crap that is in the \"wristwatch of doom\" posts is MY crap. It is not anyone elses badly written, somewhat funny crap. It is mine. I may write more of this beforementioned crap, or I may not. I dunno. If I do, I will just start a new thread, as this one is just a mess.
I would like to call a truce though. There is no point to this bickering, and I tire of it.
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Originally posted by mistwalker
What does editing my posts have to do with anything? I fix spelling errors and make things clearer. Or in the case of my \"Wristwatch of doom\" posts, to make something funnier.
OOC: I couldn\'t help but notice that most of your posts are edited. This means one of two things....
1. You cant write things correctly the first time cause you dont care enough to do so
or....
2. You are trying to cover your A**.
If your constant editing is due to the first reason then I would suggest you take more time while you are posting to do some editing...like say maybe previewing the post before you send it.
If it is for the other reason... then you should watch out or someone will quote you before you have a chance to edit your post and make you really look like a fool.
Just a bit a friendly advice.
Back to being in character----
Ye had best be on your guard when ye be speaking to the Father like ye are. Just because we may not be around the Father all the time, doesn\'t mean we can\'t hear him.... or act on what we hear. And yes ye shall either kneel or bow before the Father ... either in this life or after!
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Originally posted by Lenric
You know what bill I was merely stating a fact that this was taken from somewhere else. It was and I already stated I was looking for it.And I did state that it was funny much funnier when the original auther wrote it though.How would you feel if you worked on something and others took credit for it.
But if you want to talk trash to me fine be my guest .It helps me in the long run.
Ok, ok, lets settle down. I did not mean to affend you, I was just saying, in my way (which might understandably sound mean or something to you) that you should lighten up a bit because the people who own the book rights are not here. So its ok, he is not braking a law, sorta.
I don\'t want to start a fight, and more so an adversary. I admit that I might have been a little mean or whatever. So I say \"Sorry Lenric\", so lets just go on from there.