Author Topic: Hatchnet's prayer  (Read 601 times)

Hatchnet

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 499
    • View Profile
Hatchnet's prayer
« on: February 08, 2005, 01:56:13 am »
I have decided to make a character development for my characters Hatchnet and Japeth (won?t affect Japeth yet as he is still emotionally insane). Ok well here is Hatchnet?s prayer.

   The knight; Hatchnet DuBon; kneeled in prayer beside the small shrine he had dedicated to the God Darschis of his home world as he did every night upon this hour. This night however he felt the presence of his God and felt it as he had never before felt it since coming thru the gateway to this place known as Yliakum.

   Praying with a renewed vigor he was rewarded with a vision for his faith; a vision of a peaceful village overlooked by a bastion flying the sword and shield banner of Darschis here in Yliakum. He was also given a message by his God ?I have been given leave to stay here so long as I disrupt not the balance of power here and my followers protect the peaceful and innocent of Yliakum.?

   His prayer ended Hatchnet arose with the knowledge that it would soon be time to found and order of knights in the name of his Lord Darschis.
« Last Edit: February 08, 2005, 01:56:58 am by Hatchnet »

TheRedMonk

  • Hydlaa Notable
  • *
  • Posts: 518
    • View Profile
(No subject)
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2005, 01:42:48 pm »
Hmm nice ;) Are you working on this new guild right now or do you just plan to make it an expansion of the Knights Templar? And in what ways do you plan to protect the innocent, through defense or offense?

Anyway, nice idea to present your prayer. :) Good luck in whatever path your god chooses for you...
« Last Edit: February 08, 2005, 01:42:57 pm by TheRedMonk »

Hatchnet

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 499
    • View Profile
(No subject)
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2005, 03:27:47 pm »
No I am not working on it yet, but I plan to start soon. As for my ties to the KT these will certainly remain however the Darschis Knights when formed will be their own orginization who prefer to take the field defensively will do so offensively if it becomes neccesary.

Thanks for your appretiation of my prayer as well:)

Hatchnet

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 499
    • View Profile
(No subject)
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2005, 01:24:00 am »
Well I\'ve started work on it though it will be just a religion for the time being (that is untill I get time to convert people) well anyway here is the \"Code of the Darschis Knights\" tell me what you think

   The code of the Darschis knights

A Knight is sworn to valor

He fears no evil

And bears no false witness

His sword defends the weak

And upholds the just

His wealth feeds the hungry

And shelters the homeless

His wrath burns the wicked

And consumes the corrupt

He does not wage war needlessly

And takes life only when necessary

He stands before the wind

And he is not moved

Thus is the Knight of Darschis

Esthurin

  • Traveller
  • *
  • Posts: 13
    • View Profile
(No subject)
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2005, 12:46:22 pm »
Nice :) I like the short, clear statements, and some lines follow a nice meter already. But one thing that would greatly enhance this code would be to entirely put it into meter. For instance, the first few lines:

A Knight is sworn to valor
and evil he fears not.
He bears no witness false
his sword defends the weak
and justice he upholds.
The hungry with his wealth he feeds

etc...

In this rewritten version, every unstressed syllable is follwed by a stressed one. Read it aloud, you will notice it has a certain flow, and it is easy to imagine hundeds of knights chanting the oath together (this is called a iambic meter). In your original version, at some points the rhythm is broken by a sequence of stressed or unstressed syllables, which would make it much harder to chant it aloud.

Also, you will notice that writing this way really adds a medieval touch to the code. Furthermore, the code may improve if you try to avoid long words such as \"necessary\", and try to stick to words with three or less syllables.
« Last Edit: March 09, 2005, 12:47:10 pm by Esthurin »

Hatchnet

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 499
    • View Profile
(No subject)
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2005, 11:36:01 pm »
Quote
Originally posted by Esthurin
Nice :) I like the short, clear statements, and some lines follow a nice meter already. But one thing that would greatly enhance this code would be to entirely put it into meter.



I don\'t mean to be hurtful or anything but it wasn\'t meant to be in meter if it was it would have been, but this is not a poem or chant, this is a rote; a codefied set of laws similar to what you might find in an eastern dojo or another comparison that most of our American members should be more familiar with is the Pledge of Alegiance. It is not set to any meter or ryme and was never ment to be.