The Labyrinth (a parody) staring Moogie. (Done reformating. Read it again. Now.)

[Cyl]

Ahaha, lol, ... *cough*

*cough*Whoah Moon you Villian I nearly died because of lau*cough*ghing,

Fun aside, I really nearly wet my pants at the r?nescape bit,



((come on do you really have no use for  me in your story :blink:))

[Under the moon]

[[In five more installments. ]]

Monketh comes back out and pounds the sign back into the ground, using his special field *edit* kit.

Monketh- "As you were, citizens."


Scene eight.
~And me without my flyswatter~

Moogie yells at the sky- "It's about damn time! Do you know how long you left us standing here listening to 'pink pink pink...?!"

Valbrandr- "I concur. I don't care if you haven't had a nap in over forty hours, making people wait is rude."

The sky does not answer, being far to busy idly playing with a few clouds and enjoying the warmth of the bright sun drifting slowly across said sky.

Moogie- "Fine, if you don't want to answer, you can just...wait...why is there a sky? And a sun? This isn't part of the PS setting. Weren't we just in an 'odd temple'?"

Val- "He is obviously delusional from lack of sleep, I mean, look at all the typos."

The sky disappears rather quickly, suddenly, swiftly and any other synonyms meaning something being changed in hope that casual observers would not notice such a blatent mistack.

Val- "There's those typos again. Um...I seem to remember saying 'uh o'?. Shouldn't there be something to 'uh oh' about?"

Moogie- "Ya. Why did you say that? And why is your name just 'Val' now?"

Fine damnit. Just leave me alone. I'm tired. Moogie and Valbrandr stand as they where before, in the odd temple, in the Stone Labyrinths, in Yliakum, in the PS setting, in trouble.

Moogie- "I guess that explains the 'uh oh'."

*pink pink pink*

Valbrandr- "Uh oh."

Moogie- "That's being redundant. Holy crap! He just spelled 'redundant' without resorting to a spell checker!"

The sound in question comes from a kinda pretty snow globe bouncing across the flat stone floor.

Moogie- "Took you long enough to get to the point."

Moogie seems overly sarcastic. She suddenly loses the ability to read this, although it is quite uncertain why she could in the first place, as she never could before.

Valbrandr- "Like I said, you're delusional"

Valbrandr also suddenly loses the ability to read it, leaving them both completely in the dark.

Moogie- "Hey! Who turned out the lights?!"

The lights come back on, but the two of them...whatever... I'm too tired to cover everthing. Just go with me on this. The kinda pretty snow globe bounces over to a ragged heap of disgusting clothing that might be a person and hops into a mug grasped by a piece of the fabric.

Ragged heap of disgusting clothing that might be a person- "S'up?"

Moogie- "Not much."

Valbrandr- "Dido."

Ragged heap of disgusting clothing that might be a person-  " 'Nothing' ? 'Nothing' , tra la la?"

Moogie, rolling her eyes in exasperation- 'Oh come on, now. If you're going to start quoting lines directly from the movie, you might as well go to bed. And before you say anything about me reading, he/it said that out loud, so it doesn't count. And third, it doesn't even make any sense! Neither of us even said 'nothing'."

Ragged heap of disgusting clothing that might be a person-  "Um, excuse me?"

Moogie- "And another thing. Why did you pick me to be in your stupid parody? I'm sure I never gave you permission. Why not Kiva, or Karyuu, or I don't know... SOMEBODY? Why is it always me?"

Ragged heap of disgusting clothing that might be a person-  "Hellooo?"

Moogie- "You just think you can grab whoever's character you want and do with it as you like. Who knows what you have been writing about us that you haven't been posting. I'm not sure I like the thought of that. I don't know what kind of sick sadistic things you are capable of writing?"

Valbrandr- "Ah...you prob'ly don't want to read his stories then. I think I see where he is going with the next one, and the last one had that one scene."

Moogie- "Hush! I'm ranting. Where was I? Oh yes. You try to make yourself look all intelligent and superior, but I'm sure more than one person on the forum can see through that. Just because people tell you that you are a great writer doesn't mean that you actually are. Did you ever consider that they may just be being polite? Your ego has been swelling from the moment you stepped on this forum. You think I don't remember that 'sea-sick' incident? And then saying that I owe you a post? I think you owe us and apology. Walking into the RP forum like you own the place, trying to insult all the guilds without their noticing? Oh yes, you think that we are all ignorant of the original reason behind your precious 'Sheeples'. And you got away with it too! And I make a little post..."

Ragged heap of disgusting clothing that might be a person-  "HEY!! Are you ignoring me on purpose?"

Valbrandr- "Sorry, she's like that sometimes."

Moogie- .........

Moogie suddenly looks quite angry and annoyed as her voice ceases to make any noise.

Valbrandr, very very warily- "Uhh...you done Moogie?"

Moogie grinds her teeth...loudly. Whether this is an old habit or new may never be known except to those who knew Moogie before her bad hair day.

Ragged heap of disgusting clothing that might be a person- "Well, I'm tired of waiting. Do you have any idea how hot this ragged heap of disgusting clothing is? I'm sweating like a pig in here."

The ragged heap of disgusting clothing  is thrown back revealing...a sweat soaked XORDAN! He pulls off a shower cap and his hair springs back to its normal luxurious proportions. He gives it an experimental shake, magically creating some wind for it to blow in. After another moment, he creates a full length mirror to gaze at himself in.

Valbrandr- "You look fine, pretty boy. Aren't ya supposed to be threatening us or something?"

Xordan, after one last fluff of his hair- "Oh yes...sorry, I almost forgot."

Valbrandr- "No problem."

Moogie- ..... Even though Moogie can't talk, she still gives that 'this is ridiculous' pose that all women are so good at.

Xordan- "It is getting kinda ridiculous. I mean, look at all you have written and you still haven't got to the point."

...

'''

The next character who attempts to read any thing after this sentence without permission immediately and infinitely painfully bursts into flame.

Xordan- "Ah...that doesn't sound pleasant. I don't like reading anyhow. Ah yes, on to the threats. Just what is that thing you have, Val?"

Valbrandr- "Um...well, it is a ring of the past that Moogie here gave me so that I would betray you and lead her to your castle and likely try to help defeat you in some horrible way."

Xordan- "You're very honest, you know. You are supposed to be leading her back out."

Valbrandr- "Well, I offered, but this ring was so damn tempting. If you have something better, I could probably try to trick her into following me back out to some horrible death."

Moogie, stomping her foot and realizing she can read this without bursting into flame, and can speak again if she promises not to rant anymore- ..............

Moogie raising her eyebrow as her tail flicks in irritation- ............

Moogie, as everyone waits impatiently- .........

Moogie, as....- "FINE! I promise! Happy now? All right, you two, I am right here. You can't just talk about plans in front of the person they are against."

Xordan- "Ok, I'll just threaten you outright. Val, if I find out that you have been helping Moogie again, I shall toss you straight into the Shallow Puddle that Will Make You Smell Somewhat Like Bananas for the Rest of Your Life...or Next Tuesday, Whichever Come First."

Valbrandr- "NO! Not that! Anything but the Shallow Puddle that Will Make You Smell Somewhat Like Bananas for the Rest of Your Life...or Next Tuesday, Whichever Come First! Please m'lord, have mercy!"

Xordan, distracted by his flowing hair- "What? Oh...forgot you were there. The threat stands...unless I'm busy or washing my hair or something. Then I'll probably let you off. By the way Moogie, how do you like my hair?"

Moogie- ?"hat isn't relevant! Stop combing your hair and pay attention! You are supposed to ask me what I think of your Labyrinth so far. Which is a real pain in the ass!"

Xordan, putting down the comb- "A piece of cake? Lets see how you like this slice."

Moogie- "One little rant...pleeeeease?"

Xordan ignores Moogie and tosses the kinda pretty snow globe down the hallway. It bursts into a cloud of very frightening looking black and gray swirling smoke. Xordan vanishes with a dramatic toss of his head, sending his hair out in long streamers.

Valbrandr, terrified- "OH NO! The Debuggers!"

Moogie- "What?!"

The smoke rushes forward.

Valbrandr- "RUN!"

They run, but Moogie suddenly laughs sardonically- "Oh, ha ha. Now I get it. Flyswatter...bugs. That was kinda lame, even for him. I wonder if he even knows what 'sardonically' means."


[[The above was a product of almost 40 hours of no sleep, burning eyes, not enough real food, a little bit of a sugar high- but not enough, that floating head feeling, just watching 'Batman Begins' with that funky theater smell, and I'm sure a few powerful mind controlling hexes thrown at me from Moogie.]]

[Moogie]

Bravo, I love the way you talk about Xordan and his hair.

[Phinehas]

I only resent that he\'s the mage in all this. Other than that, it\'s great.

[Under the moon]

[[Um...well...I would like to apologise for that last post a little. I hope none of you really feel that way about me. But as I said, lack of sleep can do weird thinks to your mind. Or Moogies mind hexes are more powerful than I thought. ]]

Scene...um...right. Nine it is.
~Never question authority...they don't know either...I guess~

Well, we left Moogie and the ugly little dwarf, Valbrandr, in another bad situation. It seems that someone has decided to debug this part of the Labyrinth. As you know, fixing one bug usually spawns ten more, and fixing those spawns another ten for each, and those...well you get the point. It's no wonder the Devs are grumpy. So, let's see if we can cheer them up a bit, shall we? We join the two very reluctant heroes in mid-run..

Valbrandr running and panting- "Why do *pant* we keep getting *pant* in these *pant* bad situations *pant, pant*?"

Moogie, at a slow easy jog- "You are really out of shape. So, what's so bad about the Debuggers?"

Valbrandr- "...*pant pant pant*..."

Moogie, sighing, not even work up a sweat- "Never mind. Oh, I see a side passage up there. If this follows the movie, I thing there should be a ladder or something to help us get out. This is getting easy."

Valbrandr- "...*pant pant pant grlack*..."

Moogie, stepping into the side passage as the Debugger fills the space she just left- "Yup, there's a ladder here. All we have to do is...Val?"

Valbrandr- *no answer*

Moogie, in a worried voice- "Val? Are you there? Don't tell me he kacked you just because I said this was getting easy."

Valbrandr- *still no answer*

Moogie, getting scared- "VAL, DAMNIT! Answer me!"

Valbrandr- "It?s a miracle! I'm handsome!!"

Valbrandr steps out of the swirling mass of dark smoke, and indeed, is one smokin' hot little man. Moogie's jaw drops.

Moogie- "Holy crap!"

Valbandr, grinning with an award winning smile and perfect teeth- "I'll take that as a compliment."

Moogie, getting a hold of herself- "Um...well...I guess you should. But damn! How did that happen? Why didn't you answer me?"

Valbrandr- "Well, as to that, I was dead."

Moogie- "WHAT!?"

Valbrandr- "Yup, dead as a doorknob. But you 'damnitted' me to answer, and since the dead can't answer, I was respawned. The Debuggers fixed my mesh with a few upgrades, you already gave me this way sexy proper English accent...the women don't stand a chance!"

He flashes that smile at Moogie. Moogie swallows. Hard.

Moogie- "Well, um...lets just go up the ladder before this becomes awkward."

Valbrandr- "After you, Moogie."

Moogie, eyes narrowed in suspicion- "I don't think so. You first."

Valbrandr grins even more winningly and heads up the ladder. Moogie pulls her eyes away forcibly with a few calming deep breaths. The dwarf's face was not the only thing improved.

Valbrandr, still climbing- "You going to follow, Moogie? I don't mind."

Moogie- "You have one dark sense of humor, Moon." shouting- "I think I'll wait till you get to the top."

Valbrandr, with a laugh, "Your loss." after a minute- "Ok, I'm up. You can look now."

Moogie sighs and starts climbing, mumbling something about sadistic writers under her breath. She comes to the top and blinks at the bright lights from hundreds of glowing crystals stuck in the walls. A large Kran sits atop an even larger crystal carved into the shape of a throne. A large Mexican style ten gallon -or perhaps that should be fifty gallon?- hat sits atop the Kran's head. A pretty Ynwnn female sits atop the Mexican style fifty gallon hat. All of them appear to be sleeping, though it is a bit difficult to tell with hats.

Valbrandr- "Well, here we are."

Moogie- "Who are they?"

Valbrandr- "Duno. But with the weirdoes we've met so far, I really think we should let them sleep."

The lighting in the room suddenly changes slightly, the shadows all shift. Something jumps out from behind the throne.

"YES!"

Moogie does not fall of her face or even stumble, as she is getting quite used to her new legs and being startled. She does however, let out a large- "Awwwwww! That's so cute!"

What per say, would have her give such a reaction? Well, the very cutest of gophers wearing a tiny tool belt and waving a itty bitty hammer triumphantly over its head.

Gopher- "I did it! The shadow coding works perfectly!"

Whether or not this is true, the tiny gopher?' exuberance wakes the Ynwnn on the hat, and quite possibly, the hat too, although it is hard to tell with hats. The Kran, however, continues to sleep soundly.

Ynwnn- "Jorrit! I'm trying to sleep here. Go work on something else."

Jorrit, the gopher- "Some of us have real work to do, Zayek. All you do is run around annoying people."

Zayek, snuggling back around the hat's huge brim- "Whatever. Wake me when you can do something cool."

Moogie- "You're Jorrit?! Why are you a gopher?! And what's with the hat?! And who is that Kran?!"

Valbrandr- "Obviously, a certain someone's been hitting the old dwarven spirits."

Valbrandr mimes tipping a bottle to his lips and staggers a bit for emphasis.  He obviously doesn't know that a certain someone does not drink, he's just a little odd. Zayek opens her eyes to see who is disturbing her nap.

Zayek- "Oh, hi Moogie. How is...holy crap!"

That would be the instant she saw Valbrandr. No further words come out, though her mouth is hanging wide open.

Valbrandr, at Moogie- "Told you."

The lights flicker.

Jorrit, diving under the thone as it starts smoking- "Damn! I just fixed that!"

Valbrandr, at Zayek- "Hello. I am Valbrandr."

Zayek, regaining some composer- "Not with a face like that, your not. That's a name for an ugly dwarf. You are... Brandon Valjean."

Brandon Valjean- "Hey! You can't just do that!"

Zayek- "Can so. Look."

Zayek pulls out a badge with a large GM across the front in gold letters.

Brandon Valjean- "Damn!"

Moogie- "That's nice and all, but can you help us get to the castle. I mean, one of you has to know."

Jorrit doesn't answer, as the only thing seen are the tips of his tiny feet kicking from beneath the furiously smoking throne. Zayek shrugs, still smiling at the darkly brooding dwarf.

Zayek- "You should try that look with a black trench coat on. Maybe if you could grow some fangs?"

Moogie- "Ahem?"

Zayek- "Oh, sorry Moogs. You should ask Talad. He might know. Talad, sweety, wake up."

The Kran grumbles.

Zayek- "He's been working hard lately. Talad? WAKE UP!"

The Kran jumps.

Talad- "What do you want now Demarthl? If someone has a complaint against you again...and get off my head!"

Zayek, jumping to the ground- "Sorry. But Moogie wanted to know how to get to the castle."

Talad- "Castle? Who authorized a castle?"

Zayek - "Well...um..."

Anything that would have been said is cut short by a  panicked gopher running for the door.

Jorrit- "RUN! SHE'S GUNA CRASH!"

Now, normally the scene would end here, with everyone dashing for the nearest exit, but the hat has requested a few words. Go ahead.

Fifty gallon hat- "Well, thank you. I would just like to point out that I was not sleeping. You left a few things vague, so I though I would clear them up. Zayek Skyrim is the Game Master character of Demarthl, who some have become angered with because of renaming incidents, Talad, the power that be of PS, was sitting on the metaphorical representation of Crystal Space, and Jorrit is a gopher because...I actually have no idea why he is a gopher, and the trench coat remark referred to the TV series 'Angel'.  And just so you know, if anyone would have bothered to ask me, I know the easiest fastest way to get to the castle, and how to defeat Xordan. But no one did ask me, did they? Because I'm just a stupid hat."

No rants please.

[Robinmagus]

I\'m lovin it UtM! didnt expect you to write something like this, but still, wonderful!

/me wants to be included :/

[Phinehas]

This is great UTM! Probably my favorite writing in all the PS forums so far!

[Moogie]

The gopher! Ohh the image! That really is cuuute!! *is loving every word*

[Cyl]

*wonders how Yliakum looks out of the eyes of a gopher*

Ahh teh Horror... (Just came across a Teffie)

[Under the moon]

[[Cyl gets a cookie. He made the moon laugh. Sorry folks, a short one this time. But I think you may get a kick out of it.]]

Scene ten
~ROCK ON!~

We join our friends -well, your friends anyways, as I'm sure none of them will ever speak to me again- anyways, we join them running...again.

Moogie, running- "I'm starting to see a pattern here."

Brandon Valjean, also running- "What? You mean how we keep meeting extremely unhelpful weirdoes? Or the fact the we keep getting tossed into uncomfortable situations with barely veiled..."

Moogie- "That is enough. I don't think we should encourage him. But ya."

The light begins flashing madly as the textures crawl across the walls. Shadows jump and leap with a psychotic life of their own, clawing blindly at the running dwarf and enki. Suddenly, Moogie's foot meets nothing. She falls forward, right through the floor.

Moogie- "BRANDON! Omfh.."

Brandon Valjean- "I got you! Hang on!"

Indeed, the dwarf formally known as Valbrandr does have her...by the tip of her tail. He flexes his newly enhanced muscles, pulling her back to safety. With a final yank, they land on the ground in a heap. The lights stop flickering and the shadows finally settle. They stop to catch their breath as a blackened singed gopher walks past them, grumbling the entire way. Perhaps it is best we can?t hear what he is saying. However, Moogie does have something to say that we should hear, as well as the dwarf.

Moogie- "Thanks. I'm grateful and all...but get your hands off me!"

Brandon Valjean removes his hands with a bashful- "Sorry...but can you blame me?"

Moogie- "Yes."

Brandon Valjean- "Ok ok. Won't happen again."

Moogie- "It had better not. But thanks for saving me. You're a good friend."

Brandon Valjean- "Friend? If that's what you would call an uber handsome dwarf risking his very life guiding a lost Fenki through evil infested caves until a better deal comes along allowing him to dump her into the nearest death realm... then ya, I guess I am your friend. I've never had anybody call me friend before."

Moogie- "Ah, Brandon...sometimes you are a little too honest."

Brandon Valjean- "You seriously going to call me that?"

Moogie- "It's your name, isn?t it?"

Brandon Valjean- "grrrr"

A loud blair echoes through the cave, making the two of them jump.

Moogie- "Do you know what that was, Brandon?"

Brandon Valjean- "That's it. I'm outa here."

He turns and stomps off the other way before Moogie can stop him. She has no choice but the go on alone if she wants her hair back.

"I guess I'll just have to go on alone. I have no choice if I want to get my hair back."

What Moogie did not realize is that she was about to meet her next ally. For some odd reason, Moogie suddenly starts running towards the blaring, a relieved look about her face. As she turns the next corner, she stops in confusion at the scene unfolding before her.

A large kran is being assaulted by a group of odd creatures wielding banana tipped spears. The kran swings a large kran-sized saxophone at one, but the things are too quick.

Kran- "Damn nooblins! Get the hell away from me! You can't have my Cubans!"

The nooblins jump about, bouncing on their heads, getting stuck walls, asking nonsensical questions, incessantly challenging the kran, and doing all sorts of other things that would make a normal person pull their hair out. That is if an evilish, hair obsessed mage hadn't already taken it. Moogie growls. The kran hears her growl and looks at her.

Kran- "Little help here?"

Moogie looks about for something to toss, but finds nothing. The Kran sees her dilemma and proceeds to blow on his saxophone. Suddenly, and incredibly oddly, an ax falls at Moogie's feet. Now, normally, you would say a thing like this happening would be called 'somewhat oddly'.  However, when you take into account that it is not an actual 'ax' per say, but a wicked Fender electric guitar. Moogie, taking immediate action grabs the ax and winds up to fling the thing at the nooblins.

Kran- "NO! Do you know how much that thing is worth?! Use it's power!"

Moogie stands confused, until the Kran blares again and an amp lands next to her.

Moogie- "You have got to be kidding. You know, they have clinics and twelve step programs that could help you."

Kran- "JAM, lady!"

Moogie- "This is going to be ugly."

You had better believe it. It was so ugly, in fact, that I can't bare to write down the next few events. The horrible calamity which I cannot even bring to light. Lets just skip ahead a few moments, shall we?

Moogie stands gazing over the destruction. The amp is tipped on it's side, the priceless ax smashed into splinters over it, with only a few inches of the neck still in her hands, strings curled at all angles. The nooblins lay in a moaning pile on the ground in what remains of their improvised mosh pit, the large kran sprawled atop them, still gripping his sax. A reverberating hum fills the air. The Kran sits up, a huge smile on his face.

Kran- "That was wicked awesome. You are one rockin' dame."

Moogie- "Um...thanks...I guess. I didn't know I had it in me. Sir...uh..ma'am...whatever?"

Kran, taking a cigar out and lighting it- "They call me Kwartz. And you *puff* are welcome to jam in my club any day. That was classic."

[Moogie]

It makes me happy and sad at the same time. How I miss Kwartz...

[Under the moon]

I know, but he was the only guy that would fit.  

[Pestilence]

*grins*

Good one
Loved the name changing and the upgrading?

[Under the moon]

[[Sorry folks, another short one. And it is not as evil as I would have wished, but the characters made me play nice. The next one though...the gloves are off. :evil: ]]

Scene eleven
~Nice Knockers~

Moogie- "Oh that is so not funny. Now I refuse to be a part of this chapter."

Actually, it's a scene, and I find nothing wrong with that title...and why aren't you bursting into infinitely painful flames?

Moogie- "Scene Eight. Five paragraphs after you said that."

What does...ohh. I see. So you've been reading this the entire time? That explains a few things. Just go with me on this. I promise, nothing ...er...bad this time.

Moogie- "I don't think so. From what I've seen so far, you are just setting me up again."

Honest. No tricks.

Moogie- "Riiiiight. And pigs will fly."

Winged pigs float through the air past Moogie and a startled Kwartz.

Moogie- "Now I know you are going to pull something."

Come on. People are waiting.

Moogie- "Bugger off."

I could just make you go along. This is my parody.

Moogie holds out her paw and wiggles the white figurine.- "I don't think so."

Oh...that.

Moogie- "Until I get some sort of assurances, I go no further."

I can't do that. I wouldn't be funny.

Moogie- "That's it, I'm walking."

Ok, ok. I'm sorry. I'll write an embarrassing part for myself later in the parody. If you don't stick around, you won't see it. Promise. Ok?

Moogie considers- "Fine. Let's just get this over with. As long as you don't pull any tricks on me. I wouldn't mind slapping you up again. But it better be good."

Kwartz- "Who are you talking too?"

Moogie- "No one that matters. Let's go."

Kwartz- "Me? Now listen lady, I just got sacked by a bunch of nooblins. I don't think I want to go to their city. Do I look nuts?"

He says this being a very large kran holding a sax and puffing on a stoogie.

Moogie- "Moon? Little help?"

Kwartz has a sudden change of heart.

Kwartz- "Of course '?ll help. Can't let a dame like you get into trouble, can I?"

Moogie- "Thanks Moon. That takes your ban time down a bit."

The two move on, having no other demands. Soon, they find themselves facing two exquisitely designed doors. Every detail is perfect. One is carved, the other is flat, but just as well decorated with what seems to be pencil drawings. On each door is a face. One carved, one drawn. Below them are two knockers. Oh yes, tha are vera nice.

Moogie- "Oh, I see. Very funny. Ha...ha. Now what?"

Carved face- "These be the simple doors of Cherppow."

Drawn face- "Knock and enter."

Moogie- "Simple?"

Kwartz- "Knock?"

Flying pigs- "Oink?"

The pigs vanish in a puff of smoke.

Drawn face- "Er...that was odd."

Carved face- "Odd indeed."

Moogie- "So all I have to do is knock...you will open...and I go through? No tricks?"

Drawn face- "No tricks."

Carved face- "Now what would make you think that?"

Moogie- "I have my reasons. But I don't think Moon would make Cherppow an untrustworthy character. So, here goes..."

Moogie knocks on the drawn door. It opens. No tricks. She walks through slowly. Still no tricks.

Moogie- "Well at least you are honest."

Kwartz vanishes in a puff of smoke.

Moogie- "Hey! I said no..."

You said no tricks?on you. This one was on Kwartz. You?ll need to be more specific in your negotiations next time.

Moogie- "Why you..."

The scene quickly shifts to a place further away before Moogie can finish her polite remark, and where she can no longer read this. It also happens to be the sight of where an odd meeting will take place. Which we will get to in due time. Since Moogie can not read this, it seems like a good time to inform anyone interested that there will be tricks played on her in the next scene...along with others.

[Phinehas]

Bravo! Bravo! Encore!