Author Topic: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.  (Read 2386 times)

Syilph

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 257
    • View Profile
Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« on: September 09, 2006, 03:47:10 pm »
This story has been around from quite a while but finally, I decided to post a version of the first part here. Well, here it goes. Sory for the carpy formating but I'll take care of that too... someday ^_^


Behind The Blue Pill


Part 1


Our hero woke up in his room at Kada El's to find a GM sitting next to him. - What the death realm? he shouted, You shouldn't scare people like that!

> Rat has been killed by Guy

- We've been watching you Neo, the gm replied, we know the answer to your question, we know why you spend your days camping Gladiators and we know why the Waybread looks like dwarfs...
- What dwarfs?!? What question? Sorry i lost you, if you weren't a GM i would have challenged you for speaking crazy!
- I'm talking about THE QUESTION, Neo, it is the question that drives us... You've been asking that alot on the help channel...
- Oh? That question... You mean how deep does the hole at the ruins go...
- Indeed.

> Rat has been killed by Elak

- Well? How deep does it go?
- Hmm... not so deep... it is actually quite a small hole.
- WHAT?!?! And you scared me for that?!?!
*The GM sighs* - You wanted to know the answer, didn't you?
- Yes, but i was hoping for something more...
- There is something more actualy... We think that you are the one...
A moment of terrible silence fell, interrupted only by the system messages that said

> Rat has been killed by Killermachine

> Rat has been killed by Dracula

> Rat has been killed by rat

Then suddenly our hero starts laughing so hard that one of his lungs falls on the tavern's floor.
- Sorry about that... The one? The one what? The one who didn't have his coffe? lol
- Oh that can be arranged, said the GM typing "/item coffe" and handing the mug recently spawned to our hero.
- I hate you for being able to do that, you know? I have to pay for the coffe.
- If you really are the one then you shouldn't worry about that, you will be able to do much greater things. I have a test for you.
- No really, what is that about?

> Rat has been killed by Clacker

- I really hate this intrruptions, said the GM.
- Well, you can turn them off... Just press the "O" key and...
- Shut up! I know how to turn them off! I'm a GM remember? So, wanna do the test?
- Erm... Why not?
- Ok, wait a bit... I'll teleport you.

~You have been moved by a Game Master~

- What? The Laanx temple?
- Yes, this is the jump test. Try to jump from here to the roof of Harnquist's shop.
- What? Are you crazy? Nobody can do that! I'll fall to my death!!
- Really? Nobody? Watch me! And the GM took a huge jump, landing on Harnquist's shop and breaking few tiles with his feet.
- By the Gods! shouted our hero, of course you can do that, you are a GM!
- Try it! shouted the GM, remember, it is all in your head! And don't worry about dying, fall damage is off due to that stupid fly bug.
- Stop shouting! shouted a noob.

> Noob has been muted by a GM.

- Right! well, here it goes!
Taking a deep breath our hero runs, making a huge jump using the flying kitty bug but while in midair the kinetic buggy energy runs out and he falls, bending the pavement of The Plaza. - My nose! My freakin nose! I broke it! shouted Neo.
- Stop whining, shouted the GM you are a kran, you don't have a nose!
- My tooth I chipped my tooth! Shouted again Neo.
- Argh, stop it! Collision damage s off!
- Oh, I forgot that, said our hero pulling himself together.

A bit later in the NPCroom...

- Do you think he's the one?
- I think he could be...
- But he didn't get that jump in the first try...
- Nobody makes it in the first try.
- Oh, right, let's send him on a mission. We will see if he's good or not.


You were moved by a Game Master
Loading NpCroom...

- Hello again Neo, you might be wondering what this room is... We call it the white room, here we can spawn whatever weapons we want and it is a training place also, said the GM looking at a dwarf in the middle of the NPCroom.
- Umm... ok, never been here, let me take some screenshots, said Neo.
- Ok, take your time, we will send you on a mission after...
- A mission, said Neo while clicking the "Screenshot" shortcut.
- Yes, you have to bring us information about a spy that you'll find near the Trepor Valley.
But... the bad news is that Agents know about this mission and they will be after you.
- Agents? You mean those who lower the price of gold and platinum ore all day?
- No you dumb kran, those are stock agents, I’m talking about real Agents. The others call them Ulbernauts.
- Awww, you mean those cute monkey looking fellas that always wear red sunglases... I got you.
- Yes, precisely those ones, you will spawn in Hydlaa but beware that the Agents will be on your tail. They have access to the Laanx GM page and they will see when we teleport you.
- Ok, so I'll use that jumping trick you thought me.
- Beware, do not underestimate them, they move really fast.
- Ok, so I’ll need some good weapons.
He barely got to finish the phrase and a huge stack of weapons appeared in front of Neo.
- Ewww... weapons, nice and shiny weapons!
- Don't get too excited, I created these only because the scene was in the script, you will get another weapon. Here, have this bow and these bronze arrows. They are not implemented yet so don't go around bragging to everybody you have them. Stick to the mission.
- What? They look like axes...
- Of course they do, the devs haven't created yet a texture and an inventory image for them...
- Oh, ok.
- Before you go... I'll give you a choice... I have these 2 pills, the red one is poison and you will die a terrible horrible death, and the blue one will open your eyes and show you how deep the hole in the ruins goes. You may chose either one of them and I will not get mad.
- But you already told me that the ruins hole is not so deep...
- Oh... right... I did... humm... let me see... WTF am I doing? Choose! Red or blue?
- Umm... ok I’ll choose the red one.
- WHAT??!? *GM slaps Neo* Wake up man! Don't make me kick you off the server! It is the blue one you should have chosen! Read the goddamn script!
* GM hands Neo THE script *
- Huh? Jayose's holy script?? How did you get that? That quest is bugged!
- Don't make me slap you again and take the script and the pill!
- Ok, no need to get mad, said Neo drinking the pill.
- Good, now about the mission... You will spawn in Plaza and..... *3 hours later* ... got it?
- Sorry? I wasn't paying attention, I was reading the script...
- Oh, crap! We are doomed. Well, what the death realm, it was all in the script anyway. Off you go.

~You have been moved by a Game Master~
Loading Hydlaa Plaza...

- Can u help me plz, where do I get weapnz and moolah? said a noob.
- Oh, go away noob! I'm on a mission!
- Can u help me plz, where do I get weapnz and moolah? said a noob.
Can this be a deja vue? thought Neo, or is it just lag?
Soon after the looting window that appeared from nowhere came the /tell from the GM.
- Run! Everytime you have a deja vue something in the matrix has changed! Head for the gates!!!
Neo started running for the gates right when the noob started trembling and he was slowly morphing into an Ulber Agent.
He arrived at the steps near the tavern but the steps were gone!
Ha! This is what they changed! thought Neo. I have to jump... It is all in my mind, it is all in my mind! I can make it!
Using the "flying kitty" bug he makes an enormous jump, landing on the roof of a house nearby.
- I did it! I did it! shouted Neo.
- Stop shouting! shouted another noob.
> Noob was muted by a GM

The ulber was getting close though so Neo headed straight for the end of a rooftop making another jump, breaking a window at Kada El's and landing on a bed there. He rushed downstairs just to pass by another guy who was morphing into an Ulbernaut and exited the tavern heading for the gates. But the Ulbers had thought of that and one of them was blocking the way. The bow! he remembered. Taking one arrow out of his bag, he aimed at the Agent and fired.

> Neo attacks Ulbernaut but they dodge

Another one...

> Neo attacks Ulbernaut but they dodge

Five other ones... (he was already feeling like a guy in tights he heared about in a storry)

> Neo attacks Ulbernaut but they dodge

> Neo attacks Ulbernaut but they dodge

> Neo attacks Ulbernaut but they dodge

> Neo attacks Ulbernaut but they dodge

> Neo attacks Ulbernaut but they dodge

- WTF?? shouted Neo, they dodge all my attacks!

> Noob was muted by a GM

Noob asks: Why was I muted?
Advisor: You were muted because you were about to shout "Stop shouting"
Noob asks: How did you know that?
Advisor: I'm a GM, I know everything.
During the short advising session Neo was already giving up throwing arrows at the Ulbernaut and he decided to jump over the city walls and head for the Trepor valey. He ran, jumping the wall with 3 Ulber Agents on his back when an idea popped up in his mind.
They must have max agility, that's why they dodge so well, thought Neo. I'm only 80 agillity so I must train a bit.
It was a plan and since Trepor valey was close to the ruins he thought that since money and progression points were not a problem maxing his agility will help.
He was running like crazy but suddenly he saw an Ulbernaut getting in front of him, then soon after that back behind him. It was that cursed lag he was experiencing lately.
All of a sudden he stopped. Checking the system messages he saw the thing he was afraid the most, that message, that fatal message "Your stamina stops you from running".
He turned back, getting ready for a fight and cursing the fact that max level endurance was only 130 when he saw the Ulbers stopping too.
- We are out of stamina, they said, but we will catch you, no worries.
- What? I thought you never run out of stamina! What is your level of endurance?
- We are 130 like you, and you never saw us running out of stamina because we normally walk...
- Hmm... so... how are things?
- Good ,thank you, we are chasing a guy that can be the end of us, he might be the one.
- Really... Well don't look now, said Neo noticing that his stamina is at 100%, but there is a clacker behind you.
- What?!? A clacker? Where? aww, darn! he screwed us! said one of the Agents noticing that when he turned back Neo was gone.
- Where can he be? asked another ulber. I think we lost him! Let's split up, search for him using /target_next_nearest_player and when somebody sees him, send the others a /tell.

Neo was already near the ruins when he saw another Agent guarding that area.
I can make it if I’m quick enough, thought Neo. He rushed down the hill targeting Nyshyn, the agility trainer already from quite a distance and using auto run, he was already typing "/train" in the chat window.
When he was close enough he hit the enter key and started clicking desperately the "Buy Skill" button. The Ulber was getting closer and closer so Neo started clicking with both hands, the 2 buttons of his mouse.
- Yes! shouted Neo, I got max agillity!
No noobs in the wilds today, he thought when no system message or shout appeared.
The ulbernaut claw came at him with a never before seen speed.
> Ulbernaut attacks Neo but they dodge

> Trepor has been killed by Elom

> Ulbernaut attacks Neo but they dodge

> Ulbernaut attacks Neo but they dodge

-Wow, agility training pays off! said Neo for himself.

> Ulbernaut attacks Neo but they dodge

> Ulbernaut attacks Neo but they dodge

> Trepor has been killed by Alian

> Ulbernaut attacks Neo but they dodge

> Ulbernaut hits Neo on the head for 30.25 damage

- You crazy son of an... Ulber! You hit me! You hit me! I cannot believe you did that! You almost popped my freakin' eye out!
- Sorry, I didn't mean to do that but it was all in the script...

> Trepor has been killed by Elom

- What? I read the script and it says nothing like that!
- Well, it has been modified...

> Trepor has been killed by Elom

- What? By who? Godamnit Elom, stop killing trepors there, we are trying to talk here! shouted Neo.
- Errm... I think by a dev...
- Ok, wait, let me check that... Ulbernaut attacks.. dodge... dodge... hit ... Ulbernaut eats you... ruins.. trepor has been killed... What?!? Ulbernaut eats you?!? Who the death realm wrote that?
But Neo didn't get to finish the phrase and the Ulbernaut was already chewing on him.
- Let me out you... I'm gonna bite your tongue! shouted Neo inside the mouth of the ulber. At the hearing of such terrible words the Ulbernaut spits Neo back out.
- Look at me! Now I’m all covered in saliva! I'm gonna have your head for that! I'll speak with the management, maybe Talad or someone and you will get fired!
- Sorry for doing that, but i was just following orders.
- Orders? I'll show you orders!
- I was supposed to spit you out anyway, because that's what the script said.

> Server admin: Server is going down in 30 seconds to fix a bugged script.

- See? I told you that script wasn't good!
- Ok, ok, sorry, but it was written...
- Good thing that server reboot will clean all that saliva off me!

~The server was shut down by a Game Master, please check the forums for more info~

Loading Game
Requesting World
Loading World
Requesting region
Loading Characters
Loading region

Neo found himself on Ojaroad, with almost 0 stamina and around 20% health.
Grr... I'll never get to Trepor Valey this way!
Waiting for his stamina to go up he noticed that no Agents were chasing him.
That's good, at least there is peace and quiet now. Well, off to Trep Valey.

Arriving there he saw a old woman sitting in the middle of the field.
He approached her and greeted her.
- Greetings chosen one, she said. I'm really happy you got here.
- Are you the informant?

> Trepor has been killed by Elom

- No, of course, that was just a bogus story to guide you to me. You see, I’m the Oracle.
- Oracle? Can you tell me when the flying bug will be fixed?
*The oracle slaps Neo* -Don't be stupid, nobody can tell you that! You could have asked an advisor and get the same answer but instead you are wasting my time with that kind of questions. I'm the one who sees everything and everywhere, I’m not to be bothered with such questions!

> Trepor has been killed by Elom

- Though you were not able to answer my question...
*The oracles hits Neo with a carp fish almost knocking him sensless* - What part of "nobody" don't you understand?

> Trepor has been killed by Elom

- Arrgh, that Elom is pissing me off. Well, I'm here, why am I here?
- To find the answer for the question that drives us, chosen one.
- What? Not that hole thing again...
- Here, try to bend this with your mind, said The Oracle giving Neo a spoon.

> Trepor has been killed by Elom

- WTF? Where did you get that?!
- I'm The Oracle, my admin level is 90.
- And how the death realm do you want me to bent a wooden spoon?!
- Well, it was the best spoon I could get, there aren't any metalic spoons.
> Trepor has been killed by Elom

- I canot bend a wooden spoon!
- Focus chosen one, see the spoon bending in your mind and you will realise that it is not the spoon bending, it is you who bends.
- Hell! Pardon me, Death realm! I don't want to bend! I had enough, I’m leaving!
- Wait! Here, have a cookie, you are not the chosen one!
- Fine by me! Thanks for the cookie and farewell.
But little did our hero knew that the cookie that The Oracle gave him was a java cookie that corrupted his "cstga.dll" file and when he returned to Hydlaa Plaza everything was messed up and instead of all the textures he was seeing black and gray squares.

- Welcome to the Marix chosen one, came a /tell from the GM.
- I'm confused... replied Neo, what is this?
- This is the way you'll see from now on, you'll see only the esence of things and you will have great powers.
- I never said I wanted that! I should have taken the red pill!
- Well, you're right, you see? Now you are seeing the essence of things, your best choice would have been to take the red pill but you were wrong and took the blue one. Enjoy.
I don't want this, said Neo noticing the message didn't appeared in the "Tell" channel. Oh shit, server crashed...

~The End~

All the characters, facts and some of the places in this story are pure fiction.
Any resemblance with real or unreal characters, facts or places is a coincidence.
During this story no ulbers, trepors or rats were harmed and all the scenes in which those beasts appeared were closely watched by trained trainers.
The clacker that caught fire in the tavern's kitchen during the story wasn't our fault.
The thing that you read this story and didn't like it is entirely your fault and not the author's.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2006, 04:15:46 pm by Syilph »

Farren Kutter

  • Veteran
  • *
  • Posts: 1062
  • Death is only the beginning. Then true life begins
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2006, 05:19:48 pm »
That.... was freaking hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




ThomPhoenix

  • Testers
  • Forum Addict
  • *
  • Posts: 2678
  • A Phoenix, what'd you expect?
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2006, 08:46:29 pm »
Nice story Syilph!
We're not evil. We're simply amazing.

Wired_Crawler

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 429
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2006, 03:42:55 am »
:thumbup: Stories based on "Matrix" never disappoint :D.
Very good mixture of Matrix world and PlaneShift world. I like this kind of tales.
And I think that kitty in Your sig likes it too ;).
"Close the world, txEn eht nepO."

Syilph

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 257
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2006, 04:04:40 am »
I'm pre-formating part 2 but as I hate formating text, probably I'll do a half-finished job and it will look like hell :P (Example: Part 1)
Besides, I have to find the time and mood to work on "Behind the blue pill - Reloaded" too :P

FyreBrand

  • Traveller
  • *
  • Posts: 20
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2006, 01:14:45 pm »
Fun stuff to read. After reading that I decided to go out and explore a bit more since I'm fairly new to the realm.

I headed out towards the waterfall only I checked the outskirts away from the road.  I found an odd sort of ruins and proceeded to explore.  The creepy thing is that someone had left a few Ulbernaut body parts and an Ulbernaut hide on the ground.  Of course I picked them up (hey it was around 1000 tria worth of materials) but I beat a hasty retreat.  I wasn't risking the return of Ulbernauts, Neo, or crazed GM's.  Afterall I had really gone out to see the falls and I took this sign to get myself back on track.

Peacer

  • Veteran
  • *
  • Posts: 1079
  • I've got balls of steel
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2006, 07:53:39 am »
HAHAHA, people in my class were wondering why i laughed xD... it's good to know how to finishe stuff quick.

- Stop shouting! shouted a noob.

> Noob has been muted by a GM.

Noob asks: Why was I muted?
Advisor: You were muted because you were about to shout "Stop shouting"
Noob asks: How did you know that?
Advisor: I'm a GM, I know everything.
The Guardians of Power

left the game, looking in now and then to check progress, if you want to contact me use the email attached to the msn contact on this forum account

Akaye

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 270
  • Thread head that loves Strawberries <3
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2006, 05:08:30 pm »
 ;D I remember reading this a year ago but I had forgotten how hilarious this story was! Thanks for the refresher Syilph.
Zorbels: PS character
Links for Newbies:
Players Guide RP Guide PS Settings

Suno_Regin

  • Forum Addict
  • *
  • Posts: 2445
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2006, 05:41:46 pm »
I need to take up comedy...XD

Arka

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 319
    • View Profile
    • Knowledge Seekers
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2006, 06:20:51 am »
* Arka makes a mental note:

Stop reading PS stories at work - people already think I 'm nutty, but giggling uncontrollably has done my promotion prospects no good at all.

LARAGORN

  • Veteran
  • *
  • Posts: 1252
  • Facts dont cease to exist because they are ignored
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2006, 07:30:09 am »
- Ok, no need to get mad, said Neo drinking the pill.  ;D  ;D

All great truthes begin as blasphemies- SHAW
Adraax KCP Adraax Forum

Syilph

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 257
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2006, 11:23:02 am »
Well, I managed to "sort of" format part two so... here it goes:

Part2 (reloaded) [Yeah, yeah, I know "Reloaded" is actually part 3 but this one is an edit of the first version with more explosions ans special effects. In a separate note, "explosions and special effects" means that I only corrected some typos and gramar errors.]

-Wake up.
-Neo, wake up.
-What the Death Realm? Who said that? said our hero waking up in his room at Kada-El's.
-Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-The door dummy!
-The door who?
-...
But, as he finished that sentence, knocks came from the door alerting him that somebody came to visit him. Neo looked around, still confused by the /tell he got earlyer.
-Open the door and follow the white rabbit. Came another /tell.
-Rabbit? What are you talking about?
-Just open the Laanx-damned door and stop asking so many questions!
Neo sat up and rushed towards the door. Outside there were a kran, a klyros and a fenki dressed like scouts, selling cookies.
-Have you got that stuff for me? Asked the kran.
-What stuff?
-The stuff. And stop playing dumb, said the kran.
-Dude, I don't know what you are talking about!
-(Man it is role play, just go along with it) said the fenki carefully putting the sentence between brackets.
-Well, whatever, I don't have the stuff for you, here's a mushroom (they grow in my room, you know?) and leave me alone, I got to find out who's sending me /tells about stuff that is about to happen.
-Ok  ,said the klyros. Umm... would you like to buy a cookie?
-No! No cookies! I hate cookies! Last time I fell for that it destroyed a file in my computer and now I see only black and gray squares in P;aza.
-"P;aza"? (and please put the non-RP sentences between brackets like we do)
-*Plaza (Laanx damned typos).
-Oh. Well anyway, please buy our cookies, these are harmless and we need the trias to buy one of those ulber-weapons. We named them "Rabbit cookies" .
-"Follow the rabbit" the words from that mysterious /tell popped into Neos mind.
-Umm... ok, I guess I'll buy a pack.
-Yaay, that will be 5k trias.
-WHAT? 5 k trias for cookies? You must be crazy!
-C'mon! It is for a just cause.
-Well, ok, here you go.
-Thank you Sir and good lick in your journeys.
-"Lick"?
-*Luck (sorry, these Laanx damned typos :s)

~Later behind a building in Plaza~

-Dude, I told you that sending people anonymous /tells will help us sell cookies .
-Yeah, this plan works great! Ulber sword, you'll be soon ours! XD.

Back at the tavern Neo just spawned a cup of coffee using "/item cup of coffee" and he was enjoying the cookies he just bought for the ridiculous price of 5k trias when he suddenly felt a incredible pain in his mouth.
-What the death realm? shouted Neo pulling out of his mouth a box of matches. I'll kill those no-good scouts when I'll see them, they gave me a cookie with a box of matches inside!
"Broken door tavern" hmm... these matches are from the tavern in Ojaveda.
-"Follow the white rabbit" the words popped again into his head.
-This must be a sign, I think I should go there and check things out. Good thing that I have these new powers, said Neo typing "/teleport me map Akkayo".
>Warning, if your character dies, they will have to find the way out of death realm.
>You have been moved by a GM.
Entering the tavern he notices that there are a lot of people inside.
-Greetings everybody, how fares you?
-Fine, fine, replied a klyros.
-Is there a party going on here, and if so may I ask the purpose of it?
-Naaah, no party lol, we are just exploiting the Energy glyph quest. There is a bug that allows you to take a bunch of quests and the glyph's weight is 0! I'm gonna be sooo rich . And to think that earlier I've seen a bunch of people selling cookies for money lol.
-But do you think that is fair, to exploit a bug in order to get rich?
-No, of course not! Later I'll post something on the forums flaming everybody who exploited the bug.
-What? But you exploited it too!
-Yes but by posting on the forums I'll be able to get away with it and everybody will see me like a respected member of the community.
-Hey! came a blonde voice from somewhere behind Neo. I've been waiting for 3 hours already for you!
As neo turned back his eyes almost popped out of the orbits and he almost fainted at the sight of a beautiful fenki all dressed in leather. "Must be one of those cool PS mods" thought our hero.
-H..H..H.. Hello.
-Hey, stop drooling all over me and shove that tongue of yours back into your mouth before something will bite you by it. My name, as you already know, is Trinity and we should have met a long time ago, in "Behind the blue pill, part one" but because of that lousy writer I was unemployed for awhile and I had to hunt glads in order to make a living. I'm not complaining because I've earned a bunch of trias, more that they would have gave me for this RP episode but the downside is that it was insanely boring. Anyway, let's get down to business, I hope, you received the note describing what we should do.
-...
-You know... the script?
-Ummm...
Trinity slaps Neo.
-Wake up man! The script that told you to get here to meet me?

~One day ago in the Kada El's tavern just after a server crash~

-Hmmm... I got a letter... "IMPORTANT, please read" Hmmm... I don't know what but something gives me the sensation that this is important...
-Hey, come check Plaza, there is a bunch of stuff lying all over, I think something went wrong during the last server crash. Come get rich man, maybe there is something rare too find like mugs or something! came a tell from a friend.
-Wow, I'll be right there!
---------------------------

-Oops. I think I forgot to open that note .
-Huh? It was written "IMPORTANT please read" all over it!
-Yeah, but I had to do something and I forgot all about it, sorry.
-Wha? Did The Oracle told you that you're The One? By the gods! I think she was drunk back then.
-Well… actually she told me that I wasn’t the one and then gave me a cookie and then…
-Shut up! So, how come you are here?
-I ate a box of matches...
-A box of matches? Are you crazy?
-No, really, I got some /tells telling me to follow a white rabbit, some scouts sold me some cookies and in one of them I found a box of matches, it is a long story.
-Ok, I guess it was faith… figures. Well, I'll have to brief you on your new mission. The faith of Yliakum is in your hands again, and by the looks of it we are all doomed.
-Sorry?
-Nothing, nothing, I was just thinking out loud. We don't have much time, we have to find the Artisan, the one that can craft keys.
-Err... I thought that crafting wasn't implemented yet.
Trinity slaps Neo again.
-Crafting isn't implemented yet for the whole bunch of normal people like that klyros over there getting rich by exploiting bugs. You are a GM now, start behaving like one. And read the CVS once in awhile for crying out loud!
-Oh, ok, so what should we do next?
-No time to explain, they are close, see what you made me do with your stupid questions? It is your fault they had time to track us so deal with it!
As soon as Trinity disappeared Neo ran outside the tavern to see a dozen of trepors climbing the walls.
-Everybody, move inside the tavern and close the door! Shouted our hero.
-What door? There is no door! That's why it is called "The broken door tavern" duuuh! shouted somebody.
-Ok, hold on, I'll have to charge the EM pulse.
-What EM pulse dude? shouted a noob, You think you are in Star Trek?
-Energy Missile you retard! shouted Neo.
-Oh sorry, my mistake
-They are cutting trough walls! shouted somebody else.
-How the death realm can they cut trough walls?
-They have some kind of sharp feelers, that's how. Besides the walls of these buildings are made of sand, so how hard is it to cut trough them?
-Noooo! They are inside! Draw your swords!
-No drawing swords in the tavern, if you want to draw your swords, go outside.
-Outside? Are you crazy? Did you take a look outside?
-Umm... yes, good point.
>Noob has been killed by trepor.
-By the gods! They are killing us!
-Ok, EM pulse ready (I had to purify the glyph, and then combine it with the arrow spell) shouted Neo starting to hit the trepors trough the walls with Energy Missiles.
-What the death realm are you doing? That will take forever to kill them! Spells are all lights and pretty effects and a hobby for rich people but they are almost useless.
-(This is RP man, please don't interfere)
-Ok, to death realm with this, I'm taking my swords and start killing them. Are they strong? souted one that perhaps had too many drinks or too few days around Yliakum.
>Unknown drunk newbie has been killed by trepor.
-I guess that would be a “yes”…
-Ok we are loosing too many people and the way out of DR is so long now, I'll use /killnpc.
-Ha! You can do that and you tell us just now?
-Ummm... Yes, it was the RP aspect that mattered said neo killing all the trepors with one smooth command.
-By the gods! shouted a klyros, They killed Brado!
-You bastards! shouted a guy in the crowd giggling.
-Now I'll never get rich! said the klyros bursting in tears.
-Serves you right! Exploiting bugs isn't a solution. You need to get off that thing before is too late.
-It was fun but there are some important matters to attend to, farewell everybody and stay off bugs said Neo teleporting himself to Plaza.
~Later in the tavern~

"It is sure empty inhere" thought Neo, "I wonder where that Artisan is"
Nasitra tells you: -Hello, I heard you've been searching for me.
You tell Nasitra: -No, I haven't, who are you, I believe we've never met.
Nasitra tells you: -That's why you've been searching for me, in the first place, because we never met!
You tell Nasitra:  …
 Nasitra tells you: I'm The Artisan?
You tell Nasitra: -What? And why is your name Nas...something?
Nasitra tells you: Oh, the GMs changed it because it was not suitable for role play and it was conflicting with the naming policy. Anyway, meet me at the top of the tavern.

-Hello, nice too meet you Sir Artisan.
-Yeah, nice to meet you too, now, let's skip the formalities and get on with your assignment. Here, take this key, guard it with your life because this one opens the door to the Architect (who's name is Tcetihcra since the GMs changed it too)
-Gah, I'll have to remember that name too, I wonder why are you people choosing such weird names?
-It is not hard to remember, check the spelling, it is actually "Architect" spelled backwards. But don't tell the GMs that because they will change it again and I'll have to go trough the whole "Hello, it is me, the Architect but the GMs changed my name" process with all my friends again. And I'll have to correct the name on my guild's site again, rewrite my story... etc. Ummm... what were we talking about?
-The Archi...
-The Architect, and please don't interrupt me! So, this guy lives in a big room outside the map with some magic moving pictures covering all the walls. He sits there all day looking at them and he asked me to make a key for his room and to give that key to you. The purpose of this is beyond my knowledge so you'll have to go there to find out why did he summon you.
-Ok, I would have some questions though...
-Ok lad, go ahead and ask. Umm... wait... sorry but I actually have to go. (I just heard the ding of the micro-wave oven telling me that dinner is ready, afk, eatting, brb).
-Drats, so I'm alone on this one...
-Yup I'm afraid so... But take this cookie…
-Another one?! What is wrong with you people?
-Erm… you don’t like cookies? Ok, then have this amulet.
-Cool, an amulet! What does it do?
-Erm… nothing really. I got it from a quest and it was just occupying a slot in my inventory.
-What!? Then why are you giving it to me?
-Well… to free a slot in my inventory?
-By the gods!
-Ok, so you don’t want the amulet… How about an ancient sword?
-NO!
-A trepor heart, a waybread, a watch?
-I told you! NO!
-Ok then, gtg the food will get cold.
-Wait a second! Do you know where Trinity is?
-Oh, she had to beam out (it was 4 AM at her place and she had to go to bed, work in the morning).
-Double drats, I guess I'll check the Architect dude (hope he is not afk too).
-Ok, see you later and take care.
-See you.
>Autoreply: Afk eatting, brb asap.


Syilph

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 257
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2006, 11:25:02 am »
[Sory for double posting but it seems this part exceeded the maximum lenght alowed for a message (20k characters!  ::| )]

-Stop where you are! shouted a voice behind Neo.
Turning around our hero was shocked to see nobody.
-Hey! Where are you? I can't see you!
-We are the 2 ghosts sent here to kill you! (actually we are not ghosts but it seems we lagged when we got here and that rendered us invisible)
-Ghosts? So you plan kill me by cheating because I can't see you? You plan to use hax on me?
-No, way! That would not be honourable, we will show our true form to you! (hold on, got to reload the client, we'll be right back)
-Then show thyself ghost!
-Ok here we are, get ready to die!
-What?
-Get ready to die!
-Why?
-Because we are here to kill you!
-Why?
-Because somebody sent us to.
-Why?
-Stop that!
-Ok, ok, but… why?
-Because you are annoying! (and besides, what you do is called spamming and you will be muted)
-I see… so… what do you want from me?
-Nothing!
-Then why do you want to kill me?
-Because we were ordered to!
-By whom?
-OMG man! Are you always like that? Now I can see why people want to kill you. Ok, enough words! Get ready to fight!
> Ghosts fell to the end of the world and died.
-Hmm. It seems that they were really ghosts after all, they just passed trough the floor. Well let's get back to my assignment.
-I wonder what door is this key for... Hmmm.. there is a label on it... WTH? This label is unreadable!
“Neo asks: Hello, it seems I have a problem with reading a label… Can anybody help me?”
“Advisor: Hello, you should try to use the command /repaintlaebls”
“Neo asks: It doesn’t work”
“Advisor: Sorry, it was /repainlabels actually. (Laanx-damned typos :s)”
“Ok, thank you, that worked”
“Advisor: You are welcome.”

"Third house after the tavern (the one with gray rooftop)". Oh, this is helpful, let's do that jump trick again and land on that rooftop.
>You fell down and died.
-Crap! I forgot fall damage was on again, well, here we go again.

~After 20 minutes of walking in the death realm, searching for a way out~

-I hate this running speed they implemented lately, this is not running, it is actually walking :s. Well, here I am, let's try the door. (I wonder why I didn't teleported out of DR... hmmm... anyway, what's done is done)
With a "click" the door opens and a bright light comming from inside almost blinds Neo.
The ingame music changes to a crescendo and the game crashes.

> Loading Game
> Requesting World
> Loading World
> Requesting region
> Loading Characters
> Loading region

-My eyes! Help, I'm blind!
-Oh, don't worry, it will pass in a few moments, it is nothing serious. By the way, do you like my new flashlight? I plan to use it in the wild because it is so dark there... or in the death realm... but then again I never go out of this room so I guess I spent those trias for nothing. But this is the problem with the home shopping channels. You just can't stop buying stuff...
-Ummm... hello, are you ummm... *pulls a piece of paper out of his pockets* Tcetihcra?
-Yes, I am... *pulls a piece of paper out of his pockets* Tcetihcra, but you can call me The Architect. Sorry about that paper thing but they changed my name quite recently and it takes some time getting used to it ^_^. Please, have a sit. Opps, sorry, I forgot I have the only chair in this room but anyway, sitting is not implemented so I guess it is ok to stand. How have you been lately?
-Umm... I've been fine, fighting trepors, camping glads, chasing clackers... Hey! Stop trying to distract me! I'm here for a purpose, and all this chit-chat isn't, I think, helping me to find out what that purpose is...
-Would you like a coffee?
-No, thank you I had one already, after I fought those trepors in Ojaveda. Man! That was a hell of a fight, there were trepors comming from all over, a lot of people got killed, I took my swords out and... Hey! You are distracting me again. Stop doing that! I would like to know though why am I here.
-Everything at his time my son, everything at his time. So, what do you think about the recent developments in Yliakum? It seems sentinels ummm... trepors are swarming all over the place lately and ....

~After a few hours of useless-and-boring-talking-about-nothing....~

-I'm sorry but I'll have to go soon, (it is 5 AM here and I have to wake up at 7 AM). Can you please tell me why am I here?
-Oh, ok, you see, I never move from this room... This can be sometimes boring... So I thought, why not have a few guests come over to chat a bit? I must confess that this idea was a good one, I had a great fun having you here *smiles widely*. So I made some keys and gave them to the Artisan who is a friend of mine. The rest of the story you know...
Neo felt the anger building up inside him and bursted shouting:
-By the gods! This "The One" thing is starting to piss me off! I had enough of you people, first that Oracle messes up my computer, then I meet a guy that gives me a key and then goes afk eatting, and then you, keeping me awake until 5 AM with boring stories and all this part of a "quest to save Yliakum"! I'm calling in sick... no! better yet! I QUIT! You can find another "One" that fights trepors that eat trough the walls of a tavern or another "One" to keep you entertained! I QUIT!
-Calm down lad, and stop shouting please, whispered the architect. They will hear you! Besides, if I were you, I wouldn't quit... I mean, did you read the script? Do you even know what happens in "Behind the blue pill Reloaded"?
-I didn't read the script and I never will, I told you, I quit! shouted Neo slamming the door behind him. But as he was rushing towards the tavern to get his well deserved and long waited sleep the words of the architect kept comming back in his head, disturbing his angry thoughts: "Do you even know what happens in "Behind the blue pill Reloaded"?". What will happen in "Behind the blue pill Reloaded"? What is the thing that drives us? I'll take a quick look at the script before I'll go to bed, thought Neo and he opened the envelope containing the whole script. He skipped the part where he was fighting ulbers, the oracle and everything that happened in part 1, he even skipped the part 2 which have turned out to be a fiasco, maybe because he didn't read the script, and started reading sections of "Behind the blue pill Reloaded". "Yliakum under attack by trepors... ", "it is inevitable mister... ", "I killed you" "You destroyed me", "...because there are so many of me", "Neo makes love to Trinity... ", "-Die trepor, die!", "Load those sling shots!" sections and sections of the story passed before his eyes, action, adventure drama... WAIT! Rewind! "Neo makes love to Trinity... " What? Wow! Now this is a scene worth dying for, worth listening to boring stories for, I'm in! I will NOT quit! How can I quit when there is such a great future in store for me? Ummm... I mean, fighting agents, splitting rain drops with my fist, saving Yliakum... I can't wait for the next episode! But first, I need some sleep, I need to be rested before this great heroic deeds, said Neo jumping in bed and as the sleep was slowly taking him away (from keyboard) he kept mumbling: Trinity... Oh Trinity... Yes my dear, I'll kill that trepor for you... Trinity...

~To be continued of course~

What happened in this episode behind the curtains:

The architect fell asleep twice while telling his stories. Neo didn't noticed that because he was asleep too.
A trepor from the pack that was attacking the tavern in Akkayo got away and hid in one of the warehouses.
The bodies of 10 newbies were found in the rat warehouse with horrible teeth marks on they're bodyes and people are still searching for the one responsible for the massacre. A Ylian is being questioned as we speak.
Brado wasn't actually killed, he just fainted and the "party" in the tavern continued for a few more hours until the developers fixed the Energy glyph quest bug. After that people lost interest in that tavern.
A big amount of Energy glyphs flooded the market and there were rumors about people being filthy rich. Since there was nothing to do with money though, there were reports about people dying from too many drinks and people that drowned trying to bathe in trias.
The klyros that had to go to school right in the middle of the Energy glyph marathon committed suicide soon after returning home. On his farewell note he wrote "They've fixed it... I'll never be rich so there is no point in living anymore" *On his body there were no trias so police is still searching for the place where he hid them. Asked about the whereabouts of the missing treasure a police official replied: "We have some ideas about where he hid the loot but I'm not telling because I plan to quit the force and open a enki restaurant after I find it."
Another clacker caught fire in the Kada El's kitchen making people wonder what is wrong with those clackers catching fire all the time and creating a massive hysteria in the "Save the clackers" comunity.
15 guilds were created and after a short while of mass recruiting were disbanded.
A couple of organizations that stand for the protection of animals organized a protest march for the "whole bunch of trepors killed in the tavern attack" and of course for the clacker that caught fire in Kada El's kitchen. The protest march ended when the mobs encountered 2 ulbernauts on Ojaroad. There is no report for survivals and the policemen who were sent to search for them got caught with the search for treasure mentioned before.
10 bugs were fixed and another 20 new ones affect the lives of Yliakum citizens.
20 Server crashes occurred during this episode.
A klyros fell to his death from the windowless tower. Questioned right after he escaped the death realm he said "Dude, bungee rocks. I hope next time I'll remember to bring the bungee cord too"

[ Edited for language. --Karyuu ]
« Last Edit: February 25, 2007, 07:00:07 pm by Karyuu »

Suno_Regin

  • Forum Addict
  • *
  • Posts: 2445
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2006, 11:32:40 am »
rofl..."By the gods, they killed Neo! You bastards!"

Syilph

  • Hydlaa Citizen
  • *
  • Posts: 257
    • View Profile
Re: Yet another Matrix parody: Behind the blue pill.
« Reply #14 on: September 12, 2006, 12:01:22 pm »
It was "By the gods! they killed Brado" :P And yes, it is from southpark ^_^