Author Topic: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths  (Read 839 times)

Avathius

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Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« on: April 08, 2011, 12:44:27 pm »
The following is a story I thought of. It is inspired by the Epic of Gilgamesh and also my experiences in Planeshift.

Kaibane was a young Dermorian who grew up in a clan that worshipped the Black Flame reverently. Because his childhood was so involved in such affairs, he bore many stains and blows to his inner soul, which could never be healed. They say part of his soul dwells in the Death Realm as a spirit which guides others to the light. It takes the form of a young Dermorian who travels as a wisp of light.

The life of the Dermorian took a turn when he witnessed a ritual that was so twisted and awful that he was mentally scarred by it. The ritual was meant to only be performed by the highest of the Black Flame order, so Kaibane was kicked out of his village, left to wander a world which he had little knowledge of.

During his wanderings, Kaibane came upon the grand city of Hydlaa, where he was taken in by the Hydlaa Guardsmen, who renamed him Avathius and trained him to be one of the most skilled fighters of the land. He learned of the crystal ways of magic from Levrus the old mage, while he regularly ventured into the Death Realm in secret to learn more of the Dark Way.

Eventually Avathius set out to the Bronze Doors, the home of all the most honored warriors. He created a great and honored guild, which lasted for five glorious years. Avathius was respected, feared, and highly decorated.

But there was another guild which hated him: a mercenary guild composing of only corrupt Klyros. A thick and bloody guild war between Avathius' guild and this one began, which ended in victory. However, during the great final battle which took place on the plains outside the Bronze Doors, Avathius' greatest friend, Ereressel, was slain. Overcome with fury and sadness, Avathius summoned the dark magic in his soul and sucked the life force out of all of the enemy guild members, as well as his own.

And so began the story: Avathius took back the name he bore in the Black Flame, Kaibane, and went on a soulless rampage, mercilessly killing all who stood in his way. At last, he was brought down by those in the Bronze Doors, after hours of struggle and brain-crushing lag. Kaibane was forced to wander the Labyrinths of Yliakum forever, along with others who followed the Dark Way.

Many creatures he fought, many foes he slew in the lands beyond the walls of the stalactite. During his travels Kaibane went so high as to touch the rim of the Crystal, and so low that he witnessed the waterfall from which all water in Yliakum flowed down and through, into the abyss. The few inhabitants of the Labyrinths began to know him far and wide as a powerful companion, and those dwelling back in Yliakum itself found that there was a slight lack of ulbernauts and tefusang wandering the plains.

And so many years of Kaibane's long life flew past, seeing things none had ever seen before, discovering new worlds inside and beyond the stalactite itself. And at last he found himself at the edge of the world. In front of him there was a long, empty void. Kaibane had the feeling that there was something out there, and yet it was a presence so large that his eyes could not sense it as a thing, but rather a thought. In fear, he began to draw his blade, but sheathed it once again when the fear subsided, and gazed once again at the expanse beyond his comprehension.

Long hours he sat there, contemplating. The hours turned to days, the days turned to months, the months turned to years. Kaibane's thoughts kept him alive, his emotions kept him sane. Out there in the formless void, he changed. Kaibane was no longer Dermorian. He no longer dwelt in the terrestrial realm.

The caverns and caves he dwelt inside
In the stones and ruins Kaibane did hide
Yliakum had bound him in chains
Thrown him away to lands unnamed
Woe be onto the cities of shift and plane
If ever Kaibane wanders there again

Levrus the mage sat in the top of his tower in contemplation. A few months ago, he had felt something in the air of Yliakum, something that shook him to the very soul. And then he remembered what had happened so very many years ago. A voice echoed in his mind.
"I'm coming, Levrus. I'm coming back."
In that night, the great mage did not sleep. A cold wind whistled through the trees, and all of Yliakum was astir. The universe around them was upset, the very boundaries of space and time had been broken. And as they stepped out of their homes and into the city streets, they realized that they were no longer alone.

Phantomboy86

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Re: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2011, 02:23:24 pm »
I would like it, as its pretty well written, but it seems a bit too self glorifying.

Avathius

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Re: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2011, 02:31:19 pm »
Eh, I didn't mean it to be self-glorifying, but everything from when Kaibane arrives in Hydlaa (character creation) up until the part where Kaibane's friend dies and he kills everyone, is SOMEWHAT close to truth. But no, I wasn't respected or feared or anything, but I did run a respected guild :D

Caraick

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Re: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2011, 02:31:37 pm »
Cool writing, I like your style, but I agree with what the Batman said above ^
Hey look kids, it's the antichrist Marsuveus!
What? Doesn't he just look huggable? Aw, c'mon, give him a hug.


Avathius

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Re: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2011, 08:31:46 pm »
Oh mah gawd. Other people write stories using the name of their characters. What do you do, rename him? Twice???   ::|

jenideandre

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Re: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2011, 08:57:08 pm »
It's great....great writing, epic story, and even ol Levrus shows up....I wouldn't worry about it glorifying anyone, it's just extremely nice to read a rp as big as this and that includes the npcs, because I like the npcs to get fleshed out...in the old days (2 years ago I think?) someone came up with the Harnquist as a poor drunken thing with 10 kids, who was found tied to the statue in the plaza without his clothes on one morning...anyway, we all ran with it, it was fun....so I love the idea of Levrus getting stressed out because an old powerful character may be walking this level again...I'd roll with this rp for sure, but some people prefer smaller stories, where the char is not doing big things (globally I mean, they usually are doing big things personally)...probably we need both types for a thriving universe...I love both types, I hope people post more and more...

Anyway, well done, grazie!!

Sangwa

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Re: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2011, 09:16:36 pm »
If you want to make something any character would buy as a background, you need to keep it simple. If you're just throwing a story around that gathers some character experiences, some fictional stuff and some use of the setting... Well, you almost did it. Including the word "lag" in it didn't help your case and kinda made me regret taking a deeper look. Also, some events seem to be there illogically (why was Kai expelled and not killed? Why didn't the mercenaries like him?) If you want to include something as impossible as touching the brim of the crystal say that "people mentioned he did it" not that it actually took place. It has a better effect.

You write lovely though. I'm sure we could see some pretty good stuff if you 'keep it real' next time. Looking forward!
« Last Edit: April 08, 2011, 09:20:50 pm by Sangwa »
Disclaimer: This is my opinion and I can be reasoned with. I'm probably right, though.

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Phantomboy86

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Re: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2011, 10:18:37 pm »
Yeah, what Sangwa said. 'Keep it real', because i do like the style! Just... not so much how 'ubercool' you seemed to be trying to make him. That could just be my perception of it. Had a few bad RP experiences with people trying to be too cool, it might be screwin with me.

Avathius

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Re: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2011, 01:00:44 pm »
Ah, I get what you mean Phantom. I've had those experiences too  X-/

I'll work on it  :whistling:

Sarras Volcae

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Re: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« Reply #9 on: April 09, 2011, 09:05:30 pm »
 ::| ereressel?   ???

...whoa...  :o

Avathius

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Re: Kaibane's Adventures Beyond the Labyrinths
« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2011, 05:42:29 pm »
You knew him? He was my guildie :D but he quit after 0.5 :(