Need char history critique - First Try.

[Induane]

This is the story of Induane - the first attempt I have made so far.  Let me know whats good and whats bad - what needs changed, etc... thanks!



It was a bright morning, but apparantly there had been some rain recently, as water droplets were still falling from the leaves. The sun was low on the horizon, and the light shone through the leaves of the trees making silver beams bright enough that you\'d think you could touch them.

This is where I first awoke. It was actually the watter from the leaves dropping on my face that first brought me to my senses. I remember nothing before. I staggered to my feet, instinctively knowing how to walk, and knowing which direction to walk to find a stream of water.
After satisfying myself with as much water as I could drink, I sat down. It is an interesting sensatino to just suddenly be brought into being, without the slow learning process of becomming self aware. There were questions I couldn\'t answer. How come I knew a language, could walk, was fully grown... how come I knew what growing up was? It was simply as if I remembered everything - except any memory of a life led. Had my memory been erased? Had I simply been suddenly summoned into being by an unknown power or diety?
Time went on, and I traveled the countryside, meeting the first beings like myself that I had ever met. Had I not known my own reflection from the various streams of the land, I would have thought them to be strange beings indeed. After several nights had passed I began to dream.
The first dreams were incomprehensible - flashes of thought - no images. THey were disjointed - frightening, yet they seemed to have a pattern. It was like a musical resolve - the sounds and pure thought seemed to be building to an answer - a knowledge just out of reach.
Eventually it came to me - not the grand knowledge I expected, but something more subdued. It took me a long time to come to even get to understand any of it at all. BUt then I knew - I had a purpose - a purpose yet to be realized, but with intelligent intent. One day I hope to learn what it is I\'m supposed to do - to be...
My past may be lost, or not have existed at all, but all that itself is now behind me. I live for the present, ever wary of the future.

[Myrddin]

Critique, as in the content or writing style?


EDIT: It looks all-in-all like a good opening. Just go through for the typos and try and remove some of the repetition (leaves try foliage, shrubs, greenery). I won?t post any of how I think it should be as I find that the height of rudeness for a writer. Try in the first part to set the mood a bit more, the sense of bewilderment of finding yourself in such a place. Remember in writing you can convey more than just the things you see, like the smell of sodden bark and rotting leaves, sounds of the world around you familiar or unknown. You say ?It was an odd feeling? but you could try and elaborate on that more and the first interaction between you and the people you meet.

Try and give some sort of indication later of how your char reacts I the situations are they frightened, annoyed, frightened but too proud to show it, shy or do they take it all in their stride.

But it looks like a good way to give your character a lost past and an interesting future. Keep working with it and I?m sure the more you believe it and are happy with it the more others will be too.

[Induane]

Probabily both - I want it to be a work in progress - improving and changing indefinately, as good writing is never finished.

But I have a tough time reviewing my own rough drafts.