sometimes the past hurts. because it hurts, i don't like to talk about it, much. but, with any pain there comes a time when the pain can begin to heal. for me that came when he came bursting in. i doubt that he came for me. i doubt that he came for any of the others. sometimes, i think he came for all of us. but, he came.
most of my memories of that night are a blur, blood, death, and screaming. and then it was over. the dozen or so of us standing, huddling outside. this group of yliaki standing nearby, covered in blood. the anger in the faces. anger not directed at us, but at the dead, or maybe the world. but, their eyes were cold blocks of ice. those inspired fear. i thought that that fear had been burned out of us. but, these yliaki didn't seem to be thinking of punishment, but death. we still feared that.
as we were standing there i saw one of the yliaki who had been especially cruel. he lay there dead. i began to run over to him. i don't know what i intended to do. almost as soon as i began to run, i felt an arm around me. i heard a voice. it was soft, deep, gentle. far different from the image of the yliak who spoke. blood soaked and looking like a demon from beyond the death realm.
"it is over. leave it be," he said.
i guess i needed to hear that. i turned in his arms and began to sob against his bloody armour. they took us away from there. other yliaki, cleaned us, healed our wounds. they were nice, but they seemed awkard around us.
a few days after i heard his voice again. his deep soft voice seemed to carry through the halls. i didn't recognize him. he looked human. i walked towards him and the healer he was talking to. i heard him say the word 'escaped'. i felt my tail bristle, the hackles on the back of my neck rise.
the healer turns turns towards me. he begins to say something to me, probably to usher me back to my room. the voice, he placed a hand on the healer's shoulder. he walks over. he crouches down and looks me in the eye. they seem old, but sad, and have pity in them. but, deep at the back there is a small speck of ice.
"what do you seek?"
i looked into his eyes.
"revenge. for what they did to me. to the others."
he shook his head.
"revenge is empty. taking it will not undo what they did to you."
"but, they will do this to others."
i felt anger and frustration that he would allow what had happened to me, happen to others.
"that is different."
i paused confused.
"how?"
"that you must determine for yourself. when you understand both here," he tapped his forehead, "and here," he tapped his heart, "then you'll be ready."
"but..."
"<little one>," his enki heavily accented with common, "you do not know or understand the burden you wish to bear. please, let those who do bear this one for you."
i heard him asking. till now, i had been told, by everyone else.
"for now."
he smiled.
"when you are ready, i will stand beside you."
despite all the fear and mistrust i had experienced till now, i decided for the moment to trust him. a little bit.
it was a risky chance. i expected to be disappointed. when he died i was a little disappointed that he won't be able to stand beside me on that day. but, i don't blame him, much. he died doing what he did on that day. he died saving others as he saved me.
