PlaneShift
Gameplay => Guilds Forum => Topic started by: Under the moon on March 18, 2005, 12:41:08 am
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Warning, this is a satire, not an actual guild. Attempts to join will be met with ridicule and shame.
(http://img205.exs.cx/img205/18/sheeplefoundation4kp.gif)
I welcome you all to The Sheeple Foundation, founded on our year of Talad, 3406 (ty). With great joy, I greet you, the cowering masses, to our guild. Our continuing mission is to bring together those who live in fear of the evils?
?and spiders,? a weasely voice calls out.
And spiders?
?and the dark,? someone cries from under the table.
And the dark?
?open spaces,? a pause, ?and closed in. And public speak?.eeek!?
Fine, fine. Does anybody else have something to add?
?bunnies.? The entire room trembles at the whispered utterance.
*shakes head* If that is all? *clears throat* Ahem. Our continuing mission is to bring together those who live in fear of *looks around* any little thing that is even vaguely scary in the least possible way. Even bunnies. *pauses as several members faint.*
Our great founder, Greap Yel?elow, was once a coward much as most of you are. But he discovered -after his wife made him come out from under the bed- that when grouped together with others as fearful as himself, he felt brave?all right, not brave, but less scared?fine, not even less scared, he just found that he no longer soiled himself at the mere shadow of a threat, or bunnies. Come to think of it, he was probably a greater coward than all of you put together. But that is not the point. He formed this, our great guild, so that he and others could walk the streets without?er?um?well, they could walk the streets. When faced with danger, they had a better chance of survival. The faster ones anyways; the slow ones were evil fodder. But this practice of going out in force guaranties that some of you may live to fear another day. If you join our grand guild, you too can reap the rewards as Greap did. You can finally face the world with a tiny shred of dignity. You?
*a hand raises*
Yes?
?What happened to Goodmaster Yel?elow??
Well?um?he was slow one day. Really?I didn?t trip him on purpose. I was just faster. Honest. Ahem?that being said, on to ranks and guild positions. *takes out a chart. A man runs screaming out of the tavern in to the night*? What was that about?
?He?s afraid of charts.?
Oh? All right then?the chart. *holds up the chart*
(http://img226.exs.cx/img226/6456/chart9ch.gif)
This is our ranking system as well as our coat of arms. It is also the formation we will take when going out in public.
First, all new members shall have the rank of Redshirt, indicated in red on the chart.
?why red??
Um?no reason. It just looks pretty on the chart. As their name implies, they will wear a bright red shirt. Their duties to the guild are?um?well?they don?t have any. We don?t like to scare new members off with a lot of paperwork. Next we have the BrownPants. Brown on the chart. It is their job to continue if the Redshirts fail in their duty.
?I thought you said they didn?t have a duty.?
Oh?did I? Slip of the tongue. What I meant was, the Brownpants are to?um? keep the guild house clean. Yes, that is their job. Moving on, we have the Greengills. Basically the same thing as the Brownpants, only in the front.
?the guild house must be spotless.?
Er?yes. We like to keep ourselves clean. After that, we have the Black and Blues.
?Together??
Do you have to question everything I say? No? Good then? the Black and Blues main job is to replenish our member numbers through recruitment. *the man who dashed out into the dark runs screaming back into the room*? Now what?
?he?s afraid of the dark. Did you say ?replenish?? ?
What did I tell you about asking questions? Now finally, on the chart? *the man runs screaming back out into the dark.* What the?someone lock the door please. Finally, we have the ?Supreme Ultra Commander? in the gold.
?that looks like yellow.?
Shut-up. If you are going to be in this guild, then you better start showing me respect. Understand? *the door rattles at a loud thump*? Well, now he?ll be afraid of doors too. Now?if we can continue? Good. *takes a large box from under the table* This box contains seven bunnies and one kitten. Anybody who does not sign up immediately will be locked in this room with it until they do. Any questions?
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Sooo..shame huh? i wanna join! :D *takes the walk of shame*
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Originally posted by Robinmagus
Sooo..shame huh? i wanna join! :D *takes the walk of shame*
\"What a surprise\"......
*Amheh declares with more than just sarcasim in his voice..\"If this were a real guild you\'d fit in just fine you little weasle.\"
Unfortunatley with the amount of Scared ,Red skirted, Lilly livered, Lip trembling, Weak bladdered , Yellow bellies, out there. If ever your wonderfully amusing thread ever did become a guild you should have no trouble swelling your ranks with the likes of robinmagus.
Thankyou, Under the moon for a good laugh. :)
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Under the moon++
Hilarious. Good satire too. I\'ve seen plenty of other guilds that do a lot of the same things the Sheeple\'s leader did. Thanks for brightening my evening. :)
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*hands Robinmagus his bright red shirt*
Welcome, welcome! Your sacrifice...er...commitment to the bettering of our world is commendable. You will not die in vain...
*blinks*
Did I just say that out loud? Well...um...just remember everyone, stay in a perfect circle around me so that you can all hear me. Yes perfect. Nothing should be able to reach me now.
*blinks again*
I really should learn to not think out loud. Weasle heh, a noble animal indeed. A well choosen totem. From now on you shall be known as Sir Robinmagus, Grand Weasle of the Sheeples!
*edit* [OOC] or is that [OOCIAC] (out of character in another character). No, wait...I was just [OOCIAC] so now I must be [OOC] because if I was [IC], I would have an evil god\'s soul ranting in my head. *listens* Nope, [OOC] it is.
[OOC] Let the ridicule begin! Btw, this thread was inspired by some comments Seperot made recently. Hats off to you, Sep. And enjoy the fodder. [/OOC]
[IC]Yamuel...let\'s get the shades out of here. I don\'t know what kind of pathetic losers would join this guild.
You sAID iT. EVen I am sICKeneD by thIS DISplay.
*kicks a bunny on his way out*[/IC]
[OOCIAC]What is his problem? I see nothing wrong with my shield...er...guild. Easy there, down bunny.
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This is soo cool and original! Best guild made for a while... :)
Good luck! I might threaten you for some money later on though ;)
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I guess i dont have nothing to say more then what as already been sayd just a thing:
Dont u have members affraid of looks around puppets ...
Buahahahah, just great :D
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:D i love it, totally love it. ^^
very good satire UTehM i greatly enjoyed the read :)
on a note sheeple came from sealab 2021 from the person stormy calling a bunch of toursets \"sheeple\" it suits my style :P
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A good laugh indeed, under the moon! And one we need during these times of the pointless guilds that came with CB, by laanx, I don\'t think a single sensible guild has come since the raven guard...
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*turns a pasty white* I will ask you, Ashamn, not to use such language here. There are children present. *looks around, seeing no children* Er?well?on to today?s business. Due to a conflict of interests and recent events, we will no longer be accepting members who are -or were formerly, or ever thought of being- clowns, mimes or the President of the US. Our second item is a sad one. Grand Weasel Robinmagus is no longer with us?
?he died??
Well?er? I am not sure. You see, we where down in the sewers looking for a corpse for me?er?us to loot. We were taken by surprise by an enemy far beyond our powers?
*gasps from the crowd* ?you met the Uber Rat??
Not exactly. It was not so much a big rat?
?it was a baby, wasn?t it??
No?well?um?yes. But it squeaked and glared at us with intent with its one beady eye?
?you don?t say,? no sarcasm in the trembling voice, ?how did you ever escape??
It is a sad tale. As we turned to flee, our legs became tangled?
?you mean you tripped him.?
Our legs became tangled, and the Grand Weasel fell. But our code would not allow me to turn back to his aid. I can still hear the screams.
*Robinmagus walks through the door, his face has the pallid look of death*
?You?won?t?believe?the?things?I?have?seen?the things?I?ve heard.? *puts hands over ears and crouches in the fetal position* ?The squeaking? oh gods? the squeaking?make it stop!?
*holds nose* New item? Robin has now been promoted to the rank of Brownpants.
[OOC] :D I warned you Robin. And thanks guys. I was finding my alter ego \'Aeden\' or \'Fen\' to be a bit...depressing... so Sep inspired me to create a more... light alter-alter ego. I am finding playing a *looks at Am-heh\'s post, ya, that about describes him* character quite enjoyable. And I think playing a fat, balding, coward who can run really fast (or at least excells in the art of tripping) is very unique and refreshing. Too many heros around here anyways. :rolleyes: [/OOC]
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:evil:
The Art of Tripping
by Arnigus Faymore
Leader of The Sheeple Foundation
Many have asked me how such an overweight man with so many enemies has survived for so long. I tell you as a semi-successful banker that it has not been easy. I used to live in fear of my life nearly every day, wondering when the next villain would try to rob me. That was until I discovered The Sheeple Foundation and its great leader Greap Ye?elow. He taught me that safety lies in the strength of numbers and being the fastest of them. However, no matter how hard I trained or how many of Kada?el?s jelly filled pastries I consumed, I simply could not summon the energy to propel myself from the rear of the pack. One day, as I heard the dieing screams of the only two members slower than I, I knew that I would be the next man to fall to ensure the continuation of our proud guild. Though I knew it was my duty, it saddened me. So I asked Greap, a man not so much smaller than myself, how he always reached safety first. He grinned at me and said that it was his little secret, but after I bought him many ales he finally told me. This is what he said:
Armmigush my fwiend, the shecret to being zha fashesht ish not being sha fashtesht. Let me tells you ?bout da art uf twipping.
?The art of tripping?? I thought. But as I listened in amazement, he regaled me the knowledge only he knew. He told me that there are many arts in the world, but there was none so great as the art of tripping. You may think that tripping is an immature prank pulled by only the young, but Greap opened my eyes. The balance and skill to trip someone at a full run is a daunting feat to learn. But I persevered. After many weeks of practice with brooms and small children, I learned the skills I knew I would need to survive. I learned the sideswipe from behind, the toe step, the foot planting shin block?yes, I even learned the dreaded mid stride knee kick, which should only be attempted by a master. I knew I was ready. The test came after a stop at Kada?s for our daily gathering. I saw some villains eyeing us and doubled my order of pastries. As we left the tavern, the villains began their pursuit. The others thought they had no worries, since I was known to be the slowest. But that day I was propelled by weeks of training, conviction, and the sweetness of harlberry jelly and powdered sugar. My feet had wings as I gained on my comrades. I caught the old lady with the bad hip. Down she went with a shin block. Then the Kran with one leg, his crutches sent flying. Skinny Fef, with his unnatural fear of blue, dropped to a mere sideswipe. A space opened up before me, and there he was; Greap, his feet blurring in all their glory as he blocked all those who attempted to pass him. Toe steps and side kicks; knee hooks and cross cuts; no one could match him. It was a marvelous sight. The craft of a true master. Then I was alone at his side. His foot flashed out with an inverted toe snag, but I was ready. I leapt the trip, countering with half fake ankle grinder. Greap easily avoided my move. Back and forth we went striking, feigning, and blocking. Master and student in a great battle. But Greap was the better, finally catching my extended leg in a complicated left-right double shin bender. I knew I was doomed, but Greap?s grin was washed away as my feet somehow righted themselves to my wind milling arms. It was then I knew Talad himself was on my side. Now was my chance. I launched into the dreaded mid stride knee kick, my great weight giving it extra force. I will never forget the look of pride I saw come over his face as Greap fell. His student was now a master. There is no greater reward for a teacher. A tear comes to my eye every time I think of him. Remember him and weep, my friends, for the Azure Sun shall never again shine on the likes of him. My master; my friend; a great man of men; Greap Yel?elow.
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Greeat. i wish it where a good guild. weasle? No half witted noob is gonna call me a weasle. I am already with a well established guild...* looks at the noob with an ego problem* keep walkin!
: gods im gonna get him! Argh. todays noobs just dont stop.
EDit:thanks. Raven Guard was my guild btw :D and dam proud of it.
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Well I never! The nerve of some people. You take them under your wing and the first thing they do is stab you in the back with a dull spoon. That tears it. Robinmagus...I hearby strip you of the name of Grand Weasel. A man such as yourself deserves not a noble name. I also stip you of the Brownpants rank and cast you out of this, our mighty guild. You shall no longer be able to take the pridefull name of Sheeple again. Someone, strip him of his brown pants. :evil:
Oh...and todays item is for all members to forget my previous post. It is complete nonsense anyways. No, there is not an actual Art. Honest.
Ridicule complete. :D Who\'s next?
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Good news! Good news, my fellow Sheeples. I Arnigus Faymore, Supreme Ultra Commander of The Sheeple Foundation, am pleased to anounce that -with the support of such great guilds as Deus ex Trucido,
Knights Of Chaos, Incensio Tenebrae, and the Cabal- we are moving forward toward becoming a real and true guild. Those aformentioned guilds have informed me that they support any guild such as ours, claiming they like the thought of bringing all weakness to a single easily accessible place. This pleases me to the point of giddyness. With our newfound allies, we will grow to become a great and powerfull guild. I can\'t wait to see the ranks of happy Sheeples surronding me. :evil:
[OOC]No I\'m not really serious...yet ;)[/OOC]
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Looks like these Sheeples are not only scared of everything but a little umty in their heads too! ;)
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Thats one of the funniest things ive read on this forum. i like it a lot.
be afriad, be veery afraid
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I had many good laughs as well. I know people who say some of those things to their guild members... How much time did you put into this post btw?
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I would love to join Sheeple my good man, I seem to have Phengophobia and can\'t bare to go out alone, well I don\'t leave at all... you know it comes with the territory... anyway I hope you can help me?
I\'m afraid I may just have to become Nocturnal...
:D :D :rolleyes: 8)
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Oh, ho ho... you asked for it. You shall be recieving your ridicule and shame momentarily. Got to think a bit on this one...
@Valbrandr> Don\'t really know. I kind of lose myself when I write. Some times I look up and only minutes have passed, others...hours. In Chain of Souls, some of the chapters took me more than a week to write...the last few were written in days. My latest post in Tavern Tales took me about an hour and a half. But I have discovered that I realy enjoy writing (even if no one comments on it much :P) I hope that answers your question.
@All> I will continue writing for Arnigus as long as you enjoy it...or I am banned. ;)
Ah-hem...let the ridicule commence.
[RIDICULE] Good Sir, good sir...we share your pain and fear, and welcome you into our midst with open arms...that is the members who are not afraid of their hands and arms. Please, come, have a seat.
*coaxes Harkin from under the table*
Your fear, Pheno...cala...whatsit...phobe is quite common to our members. The fear of...um...
*leans down to whisper to a member. The member whispers back*
...the sun? You fear the Azure Sun? *chuckles* Why I\'ve never heard...er...I mean...of coarse your afraid of the sun. Many Sheeples have that fear. Right Sheeples?
*silence...then...*
\"I do now...thank you very much Harken. As if being afraid of the dark, fire, and bubbles was not enough, now you take the sun away from me.\"
Sorry for that Harkin, he is one of the few Sheeples who is not afraid of public speaking.
*glares down the speaker, who, as it turns out, is afraid of glares. Then accidentally turns his glare on Harkin, who, incidently, is also afraid of glares*
[Harkin]Ahhh![/Harkin]
Oh! Sorry. Sometimes I don\'t know my own strength.
*tries to coax Harkin out from under the table again, rolls a three and fails*
Well, in any case, you seem primed for the Sheeples. When you come out from there, you will receive your red shirt and assume your position at the head of the column. You will also receive this...
*holds out a lovely pink umbrella with white lace*
It is a token of bravery handed down though the Sheeples for generations. No harm will befall you while you hold it...
\"Isn\'t that your mother\'s?\"
*long pause*
No. It is a token of bravery, and unless you want one too, you will shut your mouth.
*hands the lovely umbrella to Harkin, who latches onto it as if it holds all of salvation, hope finally coming into his eyes*
So I welcome thee to the Sheeple Foundation, Good Sir Harkin, Guardian of Wherethesundon\'tshine! [/RIDICULE]
:evil:
Sorry if this is not my best ridicule, I\'m kind of sleepy. [OUTRAGOUS FRENCH ACCENT]If you wish, I shall ridicule you a second time[/OUTRAGOUS FRENCH ACCENT]
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Yes ... yes... thank you kind sir, a red shirt! AHH the red, the red of the sun! AHHHHH!
*runsaway screaming*
*runs back*
Yoink! Thank you for the pretty pink umbrella!
*runs back to corner mumbling*
The light, the light.... the light..... the light... the light... can\'t go in the light now can we Johnny?
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*Arnigus enters the room with a blanket over his head*
Sheeples...the hoolgans we know as \'The Devs\' have given me a new fear this day. I can no longer look into a mirror without cringing, for a beast stares back at me.
\"And this is different from every other day...how?\"
If I could see who spoke that you would be imedeatly be demoted to Redshirt! This is an outrage! As soon as I can have Sir Harkin, Guardian of Wherethesundon\'tshine get his courage back, I will personaly send him to confront these Devs!
\"Why don\'t you do it?\"
Have you seen me?!?!
\"Not if I try hard enough.\"
What kind of cruel spell is this? What sort of demon would inflict my beloved Sheeples with this curse? Why, Talad, WHY?!
\"Accually, I think it was his idea.\"
*long pause*
Why, Laanx, WHY?!
\"You worship both gods?\"
It\'s always good to have a backup plan.
Lok at me, I\'m so upset I can\'t even spel right.
:) :P
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*edit* Today
I, Arnigus Faymor, have visited Hydlaa for the first time today. I have to say that your town is quite beautiful, as much as I\'ve been able to see of it. For as you may know, I have a slight weight problem. All right, more than slight problem. Fine, fine, let\'s just say I\'m not all that well acquainted with my feet.
So, as I was saying, due to my great mass I can only take one step every two or three seconds. More than this would most likely cause me to pass out and die from fatigue. In fact, I grew so tired walking halfway around the plaza that I could hardly speak when this nice young Enki addressed me. So now I\'m afraid I must take a nap. Have a nice night.
*starts counting Sheeples*
(IC explanation for severe lag)
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*Kwip enters the room avoiding the crowd*
Hello, my name is Kwip and I am afraid of sheepl... uhh I mean people.
*He notices then that the leader who is a person is heading towards him*
Ack! a..a..a per..son!
*He jumps through the closest door which to his fear ridden brain is unfortunately the brimming bar/gambling hall*
AAAAHHHH!!!
*Seeing a clear stairs, he flees up them and flies out an open window (without a flying apparatus of any sort, including wings)*
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My fellow Sheeples, I am sorry to say that the Sheeples will be closing their doors for a while.
*gasps from the crowd, Harkin passes out, as he now afraid of doors*
Yes...due to some new obligations, I, Arnigus Faymore, will not be able to run the guild as it should be.
Fear not...er...well...fear less, anyways. This is not the end of the Sheeples. We we return when the time arises, to bless the world with our shining light.
*Harken, -just waking up and hearing the words \'shining light\'- screams like a girl and dashes out the window (as said before, he is afraid of doors) only to be landed on by a falling Kwip. He is now afraid of falling Kwips*
Well...that being said... I bid you all a good day, and ask you to keep safe. I will have need of you in the future. And remember, not everyony can be a hero.
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Thus ends this chapter of the Sheeples. Next time you see them, it will be an actual guild....
Be afraid...
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LOL ;)
Nice one :)
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roflmao!!!
I finaly stopped laughing... my sister told me to shut up like a hundred times! ... I\'m amazed how I\'m still alive... usually she comes to my room, screams and slaps me...
This must be the funniest thread ever!!!
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*turns himself into a erm... flying fluffy thingy
Kwip are you really afraid of people?! Poor you... here this will help you alot... *hands Kwip a mirror
I\'m just afraid of children holding a glass with something liquid inside... mm... no... I think I\'m afraid of children holding anything...
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*Arnigus waddles up to the statue in the plaza. Roth and Toth follow close at his heels. For a moment, he just looks around with a smile. Then he starts to talk, waving his hands grandly as words roll out of his mouth....words that no one can hear, as thay are all too far away. He does not seem to realise this until Toth turns to poke Arnigus's pocket. Arn looks down and grins in embarrassment, then pulls out the Voice Glyph he had brought for just for the occasion. He taps it an blows on it.*
ER-HEM, IS THIS THING ON?
*Everyone in the entire city holds their hands over their ears. Arnigus almost drops the glyph. Looking at it warily, he holds it at arm's lenth and whispers in a whisper that can be heard all across the Plaza*
Sorry...it seems I brought my Shout Glyph by mistake.... I don't even know why they sell these things. Well..um, all I wished to say, is that we are back.
*Across the Plaza a clear shout of joy is heard....*
"Can any 1 give me a sord?"
*Arnigus smiles and waddles away. That man was going to make a perfect vict... Sheeple.*
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{ROFL!!}
I..uh..wanted to join but...I'm too much of a coward... *Xylaal runs away and hides*
:thumbup: Very nice UTM!
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I would want to join, but I'm afraid of guilds! :-[
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What's a guild? Do they bite?
/me is afraid, very afraid
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Sorry for the worthless post but I love the Sheeple Foundation :)..
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Hear hear!!! I wholeheartedly agree!
/me loves sheeples too!
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The Sheeple Foundation, eh? Is that anything like our sworn nemeses... (dun dun!) THE HANSO FOUNDATION?!
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I'm like the first, the most loyal. brown pants? Eh, eh?
A bit of..advancement?
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I'm posting here because I want more people to be ridiculed, even if one of them has to be me.
Me: *is afraid of things not happening.*