PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Single Author Stories => Topic started by: Phinehas on July 05, 2005, 01:20:25 am
-
Ok everyone, just so you know, I'm writing this in this post, as in, I didn't write it on a computer and then copy it here. That's because I don't have my own computer, so I have to make do with what I can find. This means that this is a first draft, so please keep that in mind when you criticize. Do criticize by all means. The other thing that I'd like you to remember is that it's late and I'm tired. I say that because I'm worried that this may seem pointless or incoherent. The general idea for writing this was to give you a bit more insight into who Phinehas is. Bear that in mind. It's not meant to be a riveting action story, as my last story was. So again, be gentle with the criticism. There is a bit of action at the end, for those who have the patience to get to it. :)
Night had descended on Hydlaa. The thick air covered the city like a blanket, muffling the usual sounds of the night. High above, the Azure sun shone dimly, barely lighting the sprawling city. The streets were abnormaly quiet and dark, the only signs of life being a few upper windows lit by the light of fireplaces within, and a few stragglers heading home after a long summer's day.
One of these was moving slower than the others. He was a small Lemur, short and slight. Walking was obviously not easy for him, as he leant heavily on his cane in a vain attempt to make up for his pronounced limp. His purple robes covered his entire body other than his head, which was open despite the cool night air. He moved even slower than usual, obviously distracted by his thoughts.
Pain and exhaustion. These are what fill Phinehas' mind on his nightly trek to the tavern. Things have been hard. Especially since Tybalt left the land. He missed his friend. He missed the one person who understood him, who was willing to make the effort to see through his pain and bitterness, arrogance and sarcasm. His one true friend. It also hurt to have to let Ashes go. Ashes had been good to him. It even hurt to have to explain to Cyl that Ashes would be no more. The young Dermorian didn't like it, and Phinehas didn't like to hurt him, despite the fact that most people believed Phinehas had no feelings. Eventually Cyl accepted the wisdom behind Phinehas' reasoning, but that hadn't made it any easier to bear.
Now he was alone. Oh sure, he had friends, but none that were close. He hadn't a single friend that truly understood him. Of course, he never had, but Tybalt had come close, as had Dyari and Zeus. Now he had none. Cyl, although not much younger than Phinehas, was still a youth in ways that Phinehas had never been.
Pain and exhaustion. These two feelings had been part of his life for as long as he could remember. Part of why he never got along with others. They were the reason behind his inability to tolerate those who wasted his time. They were why he blew up over small things that others didn't even notice. His life was filled with pain and exhaustion. He had once heard that in the Hydlaa Guard training, they taught you to embrace pain. That was an amusing thought. If those instructors had a glimpse of the pain that he dealt with every minute of every day, they would probably wet themselves.
Was life even worth living any more? What did he have to live for? Ah yes, the magic. Curse the magic! And yet, and yet... he couldn't help himself. He loved it. It was his life, for better or worse. He hated it with a passion, hated what it had done to him, what it had made him. But he loved it, too. Loved it's power, loved the way it came naturally to him, loved the possibilities it gave. His curse and his blessing. He was so young, but already he knew so much. He understood so much more than any other arcanist his age. At the same time, however, he knew so little. Progress was painstakingly slow. His vow to never wield power that he didn't understand was ultimately right, but at times it was tempting to give in. To wield the power without understanding the forces behind it. Like the others.
He was a succes and a failure. He was lost in the shadow of mages such as Xordan and the members of the Arcane Order. Doomed to always be one step behind them, due to his need to understand. Draklar had laughed at him for his love of book-learning. Draklar had been mistaken. Phinehas knew what he was doing. Unlike other mages, he understood what took place when he used the arcane forces. He knew that one day this would make him the greatest of the mages. When the others learned to cast all of the spells in their books, they would be stuck. Limited by their lack of understanding, hampered by their inability to let their imagination find new ways of manipulating forces, they would be trapped into casting the old spells over and over again, unable to create their own. Their understanding of magic was limited to which hand motions and words were necessary for a desired effect. He, however, knew that magic was much more than chanted words, or mystical power tied to symbols. He loved magic.
Everything about magic was his to master. Except for the Crystal and Dark Ways. Oh, he studied them. He understood them to a degree, but he was ever wary of using them. He was his own master, not slave to either light or dark. He knew that the usage of these two Ways had a tendency to shape the wielder's character, and he had no desire for that, so he limited himself to the four neutral Ways. He would control the magic, it would not control him.
Even so, though, he knew that in some ways, he would never be his own master. He would always be driven by his desires and passions. His passion for magic was the driving force of his life. Yet there was one desire that, in its own quiet way, was even stronger than his love for magic. It rarely rose to the surface, but had existed in him for as long as he could remember. The one experience that he had never felt, and desired above all else. The experience of being loved.
He had never felt love. He had had a few friends in his life, but none had ever truly loved him. They respected him, some perhaps even enjoyed his company, but nothing more than that. His brothers had hated him outright, because he was so unlike them. His father hadn't understood him either, frustrated that his youngest son was so different from the rest of his family. Even his mother had never loved him. She had cared for him, but only because it was expected of her and he was, after all, her son. She had never loved him, though. Love was the one thing he wanted above all else. The one thing he would never have.
Phinehas looked up and, to his surprise, realized that he had reached the tavern. Bright light shone from the doorway, and sounds of music and merrymaking spilled out into the street. It looked warm and inviting, however he decided that he was in too melancholy a mood to go in this evening. He had tried that a few times, going in when he wasn't at his best and trying to be sociable for Kada's sake, but that usually ended up in someone else getting hurt. He had no desire to hurt Kada's business by getting into arguments with unsuspecting, ignorant patrons, so he just kept going.
After shuffling his way along a few more streets, trying unsuccessfully to steer his thoughts away from magic for at least a few moments, he thought he heard a muffled scream in a darkened alleyway to his left. He stopped and peered at it, but his eyesight was poor, and he could see nothing. He tried to listen, but his hearing wasn't particularly sharp either, and he heard nothing. Even so, he had the distinct impression that something was happening in the alley. He sighed and closed his eyes, deciding to use his mind to detect what his senses could not.
Slowly, carefully, he began to weave a net of magic, spreading it out in the direction of the alley. After a few moments, he began to detect presences. There were five, four of which gave off strong feelings of confidence, arrogance, and cruelty. The fourth presence was filled with fear.
Phinehas almost turned to move on, thinking it was just another mugging, which was none of his business. But at the last moment, just before he withdrew his consciousness back into his body, he felt another emotion in the four aggressors. Lust. Then he understood. This wasn't robbery, it was rape. Rage immediately began to flow through him, as if someone had lit a fire in his brain. Of the few things that offended him personally, the abuse of weaker beings, especially women, by those who were physcially stronger, was at the top of his list. He would not let another suffer what he had gone through. He would not let this woman, whoever she may be, go through life with pain and agony as he did. He would not let it be.
He lifted his cane, and as he did so, it began to glow brightly, lighting up the entire alleyway, as if it were a torch. There the scene was layed out before him. A short, scruffy-looking dwarf was facing him, obviously meant to guard against anyone who might accidentally stumble into the alleyway and disturb what was going on. He was shading his eyes from the light, trying to see who was holding the torch, hoping, most likely, that it wasn't one of the Guards. Behind him, against the wall of the alley was a stunningly beautiful, young, female Diaboli, fear etched in every feature, held against the wall by two hulking Kran, both of whom were also shading their eyes from the light. Next to them, one hand still in the act of reaching for the young woman, was a Dermorain, tall and powerfully built.
Phinehas smiled at the realization that he had arrived just in time. He lessened the light coming from his cane, so that the four villains could see who he was. The Dermorian, enraged at the intrusion, turned to him and, seeing that he was not only not a Guard, but also rather decrepit looking, smiled cruelly. "You should not have interfered, Old Man. Saving damsels in distress is for the young and the foolish. I am not pleased that you disturbed me from my pleasures." He smiled as he reached out a finger to gently touch the lips of the Diaboli. "However, I am feeling merciful." He turned nodded to the dwarf, "Thair, make it quick."
The dwarf grinned cruelly as he began to walk towards Phinehas with outstretched hands. All of a sudden he stopped and his grin changed to a look of shock as he toppled forward onto his face, like a tree felled by an axe.
The Dermorian looked confused for a second, but that emotion was quickly replaced by anger as he raised his voice to Phinehas, "So, you're a mage, eh? Good. I always hated your kind. You're so arrogant, think you know everything. Well, you may have killed Thair, but let's see how your magic affects Menir and Pir here." With that, he nodded to the two Kran and grabbed the throat of the young lady, pinning her to the wall with one hand.
(To be continued in next post)
-
As the Kran approached him, Phinehas could not resist saying a word or two about his favorite subject. "You must think yourself quite safe with these two in your little band. Not only are they obviously physically powerful, but their natural resistance to magic makes them quite handy protection against your average mage. It's a shame for you that I'm not an average mage." With that, he lifted his right hand, balled up into a fist, brought it to his chest, and flung it outwards, towards the Kran. The effect was immediate. Both Krans' heads snapped back as they were lifted off their feet by the strength of the blow, and thrown headfirst down the length of the alley, skidding to a stop never to move again.
The Dermorian, fear beginning to creep across his face, flung the girl into some barrels, and reached for his sword. His hand never made it to the hilt. Paralyzed, he watched as the small Lemur moved slowly towards him, staring at him with eyes dark and sinister. What he saw in those eyes would have made him tremble, if he had any control over his body.
Phinehas smiled and addressed the man, "So, you think I'm an old man, do you? The truth is, I'm not. I'm most likely younger than you. You are going to die now, but I wouldn't want that to happen without you being able to experience the joy of old age." Phinehas closed his eyes, and began to concentrate.
The Dermorian felt pain wash over his body, and he looked down at his hands. What he saw made him want to scream, but he couldn't. All he could do was watch as his body aged years in a few seconds. He saw his skin begin to sag on his hands, veins begin to stick out. His fingernails grew long and split and cracked, eventually turning black. His muscles shrunk and sagged with age, and he felt he strength leaving his body. All of a sudden, he wasn't paralyzed anymore, and he collapsed to the ground. He opened his eyes, and looked over his body, not even recognizing it. His back was stooped and aching. His legs were thin and bony, not able to support his body anymore. His clothes were many sizes to large for him, and felt unbelievably heavy. He crawled to a puddle and looked down into his reflection. What he saw there made him vomit. His eyes were watery and pale, his lips thin and cracked. His hair had fallen out, replaced by an unsightly scalp. There were bags beneath his eyes, and his cheeks sagged to his jaw. His last thought was that he was looking into the face of death.
Phinehas stood in the alleyway as the Dermorian collapsed. He smiled grimly, lost in his thoughts. He saw a movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to it. There was the young Diaboli woman, staring at him with fear in her eyes. She was crying. As he walked towards her, she tried to back away, but found that she was already sitting against the wall. He reached her, and slowly crouched down to her eye level, even though the action obviously caused him much pain. He stopped then, and looked at her. Despite the tears coursing down her face, she was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. She was young, couldn't be more than 20, but she was beautiful. He smiled at her and asked, "Do you know who I am?"
She shook her head, no.
He smiled again, and reached out to wipe away her tears. She was calming down slowly, seeing that he hadn't harmed her yet. In that instant he made a decision. "It doesn't matter. You have seen what I can do. I know you are very afraid of me right now, but I mean you no harm. Go home, and be more careful next time."
She stood then, and they walked out of the alley. She was still in shock over what had transpired, but she realized what this strange Lemur had done for her. She turned to thank him, but saw that he was already making his way away from her, moving slowly, awkwardly, in the night. She wanted to thank him, wanted to run up to him and stop him and thank him over and over. But she was afraid, afraid that he would be annoyed, afraid that he might lose patience and to do to her what he did to the Dermorian. She could not make herself stop him, for fear that she too might incur his wrath. So instead, she turned and walked home, joyful of her rescue, and yet confused, afraid, and sad.
In the meantime, Phinehas walked made his way to his own home, shaking his head bitterly, and thinking, "Never to be loved. Never to be loved. Never."
-
Nice, old friend. Very nice. I cant see how you could improve, but making a few more paragraphs, instead of writing all in one sausage.
-
Heh heh. Funny you should mention that. I already went through and did that. Like I said, it was late at night, so I just let it come out, without particularly worrying what format it was in. That\'s also the reason it seems a bit melancholy.
-
*bows to Phinehas*
That was most astounding Phin. I have never seen such an in-depth view of a character. You did a very good job of making the reader feel Phinehas\'s pain, emotional even more than physical. Perhaps someday he may meet up with a certain one of my characters with demons of his own. Dark shadows would be cast that day.
But next time Phin.....BUY HER A DRINK!
-
Very powerful emotions. The sadness, the fear, and especially the shock of the Dermorian as he watched himself age to his death before his own eyes. Very nicely written.
I would say you\'ve done well with the paragraphs. It just needs the usual \'speaker on a new line\' stuff, and perhaps also some clearer seperation between the narration of the story and Phinehas\' own thoughts.
Thumbs up :)
-
Originally posted by Under the moon
But next time Phin.....BUY HER A DRINK!
That\'s the whole point, isn\'t it?
Anyway, I must say I really appreciate the comments. Especially since I\'d almost given up on anyone actually bothering to read my writings what with you guys\' out there. Thanks again.
It just needs the usual \'speaker on a new line\' stuff,
What did you mean by that, Moogie?
-
This might not be a new story, but it is new to me since I had not read it yet. Very nicely done, Phinehas. I really enjoyed it.
/me pokes Phinehas to clean up the formating problems caused by the forum migration. ;)
Oh, and Phinehas, give it a proper title. It deserves one. :)
-
Wow. Didn't think anyone would bother reading anything I'd written anymore. Glad you like it. I may get around to the naming and/or formatting, but I haven't bothered yet since I didn't think anyone would read this again.
-
Just a tip to make it look like less of an eyesore (and let me be able to read it without skipping a line or reading the same one over again) put two spaces between each paragraph, so they aren't all clustered together.
-
Ok, I removed all the \'s, and added a few paragraph breaks. Still haven't come up with a name for it though, and I'm not really sure I should. I rather like it nameless.
-
I love it! There are not many storys on this forum that drag you in and don't let you stop reading the way this one can. It flows very easily and the way its written is quite unique to the others I have read here in the sence that it isn't just "He done this then he done this then he said this, blah, blah." but it's more like a novel. It tell you what the character is thinking, not just thinking about what he is doing right now but what he thinks about everything that is going on in his life... If ya get me.
But anyway :thumbup:
-
hmm good story Phinehas :)
-
Wow. Didn't think anyone would bother reading anything I'd written anymore. Glad you like it. I may get around to the naming and/or formatting, but I haven't bothered yet since I didn't think anyone would read this again.
Nicely written. I liked the "almost, but not quite" ending. Nice twist. Not the "happily ever after" ending some would use.
Makes me wish I was better acquainted with Phinehas IC. Whether I would like him or not, or vice versa, I can't say. But it would be interesting.
-
I'm glad you guys liked it. Really. I'm thinking of writing a fantasy novel, and it's nice to know that I'm successful in short stories at least.
And Dilphemor, you wouldn't like Phinehas IC. Nobody does...
-
Since this got bumped I thought I'd make a few points.
First let me point out a couple errors in the text, a typo "He was a succes and a failure." Success needs another s. "The fourth presence was filled with fear." should be "the fifth presence" because you say there are 5 presences and four are confident then that line. Not a big deal but I thought you might like to correct them.
I am not really qualified to speak to the merits of your story as prose but I will try to oblige your request for critiquing.
I felt it was a fair start but that it needed polishing to make it more than amateur quality but it is not bad for a rough draft which you acknowledge it to be. As far as I can see you have only edited it for format and not content, at least that is what you seem to say so I don't think this is unfair.
I suspect this is one of the posts I was pointed at when we had a little disagreement last month.
So what did I learn about you. Your character has an innate aptitude for magic. He is enfeebled although I could not discern if this was through disease or some past magic experiment that taught him to be more cautious. He does not believe he is worthy of love and will not allow any to get close. He thinks he has a special connection with the tavern owner, a man whose business relies on making people think he likes them. He is a gynophillic misanthropist, if I may coin a term, in that he wouldn't care if some helpless man was relieved of his goods and his life but god forbid it should happen to a woman that she is rudely abused before she was left to whatever fate held for her, not necessarily death. Whether or not he knows it his only reason for living is an endless quest for power. He thinks that it is a fascination with the intricacies of magic but he has been seduced by the forces he thinks he can contain. He has forgone the elements he thinks represent good and evil and focused on those that represent chaos and entropy. Chaos cannot ultimately be controlled and entropy leads to stasis. Where he will end up is anyones guess but I suspect it will not be pretty.
Perhaps you will see this as an attack but it is not intended as such. I would have liked to critique the structural elements of your story but as I said I am not qualified. Instead I have offered something of a character study. I am not really qualified for that either but at least I have read enough fiction to at least make a stab at it.
I hope you will take this in the spirit it is offered. My reading is based purely on this story and it may be that nuances that went unnoticed are addressed in other works. It may also have been that it was not a particularly typical event in his life as you state in the setup that it was a bad day for him and thus he may have been acting out of character as we all do sometimes.
-
You're right, it's a rough draft, and I don't see the point in changing that a year or two later.
Anyway, you're right, it still is amateur. That bothers me extensively. I think that I'm good enough at writing to know that I'm doing something wrong, but not good enough to fix it.
As for your character study, it's actuallly fairly accurate. There are a few mistakes probably due to this having been the only story you read. Also, you seem to have a fairly negative opinion of Phinehas' ability to view his motives and nuances objectively. Although that's definitely true, I'm not sure it's quite as black as you paint it. I think a lot of it comes from him trying to be calloused and cynical, but not being able to help the fact that every once in a while a bit of humanity shows through. Anyway, if you want, I can dissect and enlighten your character study, but only if you want.
One major thing I need to point out, though: You seem to think that Tybalt is the tavern owner. He's not. Kada was at the time. So when he speaks of Tybalt, he is actually speaking of a close friend, not of some bartender.
All in all, though, I'm very impressed. Although I know, and always will know, Phinehas better than anyone, you've done a better job than I probably could at diagnosing his various personality quirks. Bravo. I do so love good analysis.
edit: On a less serious note: Did you enjoy the read?
-
You're right, it's a rough draft, and I don't see the point in changing that a year or two later.
Professional writers apparently do this all the time if they think the idea deserves the effort. Sometimes you get an idea that you are not capable of properly treating at the time so they go back when their craft has matured.
Anyway, you're right, it still is amateur. That bothers me extensively. I think that I'm good enough at writing to know that I'm doing something wrong, but not good enough to fix it.
It is only by trying to fix it that you will discover what works and what doesn't. You may need to revise it 50 times before you are really satisfied with it, from what i have read of authors comments, you may never be satisfied with it. Often the only way they know if it is done is if a publisher buys it.
As for your character study, it's actuallly fairly accurate. There are a few mistakes probably due to this having been the only story you read. Also, you seem to have a fairly negative opinion of Phinehas' ability to view his motives and nuances objectively. Although that's definitely true, I'm not sure it's quite as black as you paint it. I think a lot of it comes from him trying to be calloused and cynical, but not being able to help the fact that every once in a while a bit of humanity shows through. Anyway, if you want, I can dissect and enlighten your character study, but only if you want.
If you would like to do this feel free.
One major thing I need to point out, though: You seem to think that Tybalt is the tavern owner. He's not. Kada was at the time. So when he speaks of Tybalt, he is actually speaking of a close friend, not of some bartender.
"going in when he wasn't at his best and trying to be sociable for Kada's sake," indicates to me that he is making an extraordinary effort to be considerate to someone for whom he has no connection.
All in all, though, I'm very impressed. Although I know, and always will know, Phinehas better than anyone, you've done a better job than I probably could at diagnosing his various personality quirks. Bravo. I do so love good analysis.
edit: On a less serious note: Did you enjoy the read?
You know, it was ok but it didn't really grab me. I did manage to finish it and make some (hopefully) helpful comments which is more than I can say for some things I have read from established authors. I tend to like authors like Philip K. Dick whose characters are rather ordinary but go through extraordinary events. I don't actually do much reading these days, at least not fiction, and my tastes in that have changed somewhat since I was younger.
-
I read this about five times before I decided that it gets great marks for character development. Phinehas as a character is much more real to me after reading that. You do have the trick of making the reader sympathize with the character.
-
Thanks Eldoth. Glad you liked it. Five times? I'm re-readable! :D
-
I'm thinking of writing a fantasy novel.
\\o// \\o//
Well keep us posted about it!
-
And Dilphemor, you wouldn't like Phinehas IC. Nobody does...
Perhaps not, but it would be interesting either way. :)
-
And Dilphemor, you wouldn't like Phinehas IC. Nobody does...
I'm just curious here. Is this more "by definition" than "statement of fact"? What I mean is I don't see anyone saying they don't like you although certainly some of the posters are overtly hostile. That could just have to do with your bluntness and their sensitivity. I suppose they can be thought to not like you. Others merely disagree with your ideas from time to time but do not display any real animosity. I would think that if these people "didn't like you" they would just ignore you. I do not think you get ignored very often. Does someone have to be actively pro-Phinehas to be your friend or can they be your friend while thinking you are full of it half the time?
Certainly if "nobody likes me" and "have no friends" are by definition there is no point in complaining that nobody likes you and you have no friends which is what the continual repetition appears to be.
I got nothing against you, I'm just trying to understand better. If "nobody likes me" and "has no friends" are by definition, I'll try not to like you so much :-[ and become your worst enemy (I'm sure that position is already taken, just let me know who to bump off.) >o)
-
I think of it sort of as "statement of fact" with a touch of "by definition". Let's put it this way, for Phinehas to consider you his friend there has to be more than just an acquaintance. A friend has to be someone who is willing to put up with all his idiosyncracies, and stick by no matter what. Right now Phinehas has about two friends that I can name off the top of my head. Tybalt was the closest friend Phinehas ever had, and yet he spent most of his time teasing and/or ignoring Phinehas' repeated rantings and ravings and general mood swings. That's why they got along. Tybalt knew that deep down inside Phinehas loved him dearly and so he knew that he could safely ignore Phinehas when necessary without it damaging their relationship.
I'm not saying that Phinehas would never harm anyone. Far from it. I'm saying that you have to be dedicated to become a friend of Phinehas, but once you're in, you're in forever. However, few have the patience to put up with Phinehas long enough to get to know him. Also, there are other issues too. For instance, although Phinehas will good-naturedly(in his own way) put up with condescension from a close friend, he will not put up with it in an acquaintance. Condescension is only accepted if there is a firm base of mutual respect laid down first.
I think I'm getting off track now. Le tme know how much I answered your question and how much I didn't. Also, this is Phinehas the way I RP him in-game or in RP-oriented forums. In the other forums I don't RP Phinehas so much as maintain a certain portrayal myself that corresponds with the way Phinehas is RPed in-game. So it depends exactly what you're talking about...
After re-reading your post, I thought about what you said about the forums. I'm not saying I'm public enemy #1, but I'm saying that probably 75% of the people on the forums get a bad taste in their mouth when my name is mentioned.
-
Well it sort of sounds like you are saying "I set out to do this thang and it is working just how I planned it"
If that is the case then your bad rep is as much your doing as anyone else's. If you want it to ease up a little perhaps you should stop mentioning it. The way I see it this would cut your "bad press" in half.
Oh and I am not afraid of you because unlike those poor Krans you trashed so easily, I have maximally trained my anti-magic and am certain I will be able to withstand your worst or at least escape while you are still working it up.
By the way you didn't tell me who to bump off, could it be you do not want an ulber arch-enemy?
-
No, simply an oversight on my part. Hmm... well, I would have said Druke, but he's gone as it is... Hard to say... I don't believe I have an arch-nemesis. There are so few worthy nemeses wandering about these days...
As for me blowing my own negative trumpet, it's true in some ways, I suppose. Problem is, however, that I only started mentioning that recently when I realized that it was true. Therefore it's not all my own doing. It's just that everywhere I turn I find people resenting me due to their own insecurity.
-
Well I did tell a lot of people I started life as an ulbernaut...
-
...
And they believed you?
-
You would have to ask them. It was quite a tale of Kran origins that got more involved with each retelling. Then I got bored with it and stopped telling it. It had to do with a rogue Ulbernaut wandering far from their normal territory, high up into the mountains (or what passes for mountains within the stala[ctite|gmite], whichever it is coming finally to rest in a cavern where he passed into a deep slumber while a magical liquid dripped on his head. After about a thousand years he woke up transformed into a Kran having been completely encrusted by the dripping liquid in much the same way as stalagmites and stalactites are formed. This tale could very well have been the origin of the Kran as the actual means used by the god who created them but with the advent of the Gemmation explanation of Kran reproduction this story just kind of went out the door.
It wasn't the believing that was important, it was the listening. Belief was just a benefit but most of the time I was telling it I suggested it was just a tall tale by means of barely suppressed snorts and poorly concealed grins. As with anything I do it got better until it was as good as I could make it then it went downhill from there. This was not a particularly good retelling although it got most of the elements mentioned. It is kind of too bad I did not keep a log of the best retelling but that is life.