PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Topic started by: Kaulam on September 03, 2005, 10:05:48 pm
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Voice : Just days ago it all began. A few Dwarves\' were mining for ores when they stumbled across a strange object. The youngest of the crew, a Klyros, Kaulam, picked up the book and flipped through its pages. The snippets below are exactly from the journal, and have not been altered at all. What you are about to see, and hear, may change your life in Yliakum.
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The Journal of Sondor Arthrisa.
Ah. Finally, a journal. I have had my eye on you since the day the merchant came to town two weeks ago. And finally I saved up enough to buy you.
It is odd. Up until today, my life has been pretty normal, but today that all changed. I suppose this is a perfect oppurtunity to use this journal.
Renalia, Sintharna, and Belendor and I were just wondering outside the village, trying to find a wonderful adventure to get into, when suddenly a bright light emitted from a hill in the distance. Being the wonderous travellers we are, we rushed to the direction in which the light emitted.
We arrived over the hill to see a village burning. The inhabitants of the village were running in every which direction, screaming and crying. Suddenly another light emitted in the distance. In just a few seconds we seen people screaming and running away from the direction in which the light had appeared.
I could not believe my eyes. The light continued emitting in all the nearby villages, and my village was in the direction the light was heading. I looked at my friends. What was happening? What was this light? I did not know, but I figured I had to warn my people.
Renalia, Sintharna, Belendor, and I, ran off towards our village, as fast as we could. I don\'t recall myself ever running as fast as I did then, but I suppose it is because there was much reason behind it. I passed the Hills of Rawlia and dashed through the fields towards my village.
We ran through the fields and approach the Hills of Varnus, the hills which seperated our village from the others. We ran as fast as we could, but when we arrived at the top, I could not believe what I saw...
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Kaulam : Wow...what was destroying those villages?!
Miner One : Stop reading that thing ye big Lemur, and get back to work!
Kaulam : ...I should have never shared with him my disgust wit Lemur\'s...
Miner Two : Aye! It\'s all just a story some bored kid wrote I tell ye! Wouldn\'t we have heard of these villages and this lights?!
Kaulam : I suppose your right...
Miner One : Aye! Now get ye self back to work!
*The miner throws Kaulam a pick. Kaulam places the journal in his backpack and begins mining away at the ores of the mines.*
OOC : Whew, my first RP post on Planeshift...I am quite sorry if it is not anything like you guys are used to. Please leave OOC advice on how you like it so far, any typos or anything, and please, if its negative feedback, make it constructive. Also, I ask that no one RPs anything here, unless they too are sent to the mines and question the journal. I ask this only because I have the story planned out and do not what too many disruptions. One again, please leave feedback!
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ok, ok, where\'s the rest of it, eh ? :(
hmmm... I think I\'m hooked :P
Is that light caused by a weird abnormality of the crystal ???
Give us the rest !!! ;)
[ooc] Nice light and fast reading. very good for forum posting, getting ppl to get hooked waiting for the next post :)
Keep up Kaulam.
PS: Now I know that Klyros can carry backpacks and even mine ;)
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OOC : I am glad you show interest, Kosh_Dukai.
*Time passes and Kaulam finishes his current job, mining in the mines. He then heads out into the forest where he has recently been living and opens up the book.*
Kaulam : ...This is all just so much...Are there more villages outside of Yliakum? Or at least, were there? Hills of Rawlia?...Hills of Varnus?...
Voice : Kaulam?!
Kaulam : --Huh?
Voice : Kaulam! Are you out here?!
Kaulam : Now who could that be...?
*Kaulam quickly closes the book and hides it under a small rock nearby.*
Voice : Kaulam!?
*There is a noise in the bushes, and suddenly a female Klyros\' enters the glade in which Kaulam is standing.*
Female Klyros : Kaulam! Why didn\'t you answer me?
Kaulam : Oh Saretha! I didn\'t know that was you...sorry.
Saretha : You better be Kaulam! You sure are late getting back today...why?
Kaulam : Ah, just some troubles in the mines...You know how that goes.
Saretha : Yeah I suppose.
*Kaulam walks over to the rock and gets out the book.*
Kaulam : Sare, look at this.
Saretha : What is it? A tome of some sort? A scroll?
Kaulam : No...it seems to be a journal of some sort. It is quite interesting too. Say Saretha...you do explore a lot, correct?
Saretha : Uh...I suppose so.
Kaulam : Have you ever been outside of Yliakum?
Saretha : Ha! Yeah right! Nothing is out there anyway but monsters and the such.
Kaulam : Oh...I see...
Saretha : Yeah, why do you ask? Something on your mind Kaulam?
Kaulam : No...nothing. Was just wondering...some of the guys in the mines spoke of the outside world.
Saretha : Ha! Don\'t believe a thing they say. Not like they have seen it.
Kaulam : Yeah...say Sare, you know the prophet that lives on the eastern side of Yliakum, right?
Saretha : Oh yes. He is quite the prophet, too.
Kaulam : You think you can introduce me to him sometime?
Saretha : Uh yeah I suppose so...why?
Kaulam : Just interested in his uh...prophetising?
Saretha : ...
Kaulam : Yeah...
Saretha : ...
Kaulam : ...
Saretha : Well I\'m going to go. I have seaweed to cook.
*Saretha dashes off through the bushes.*
Kaulam : Wait...since when does she eat seaweed?
*Kaulam opens the book and flips to the next part and begins reading.*
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The Journal of Sondor Arthrisa.
It was simply...amazing. In the center of my village, a village of both Klyros and Humans, five spheres of light emitted just a couple meters off the ground. I looked at Renalia.
Renalia : Five lights...
Sintharna : I remember seeing five villages destroyed by that light.
Belendor : Me too...
Suddenly there was a loud screech throughout the village and a small light zipped fastly beside the other 5. All at once it seemed to explode outwards and grew to the same size as the others. People were running around screaming, panicking, without a clue as to what was going on. A older man ran up to me. It was dark, so I could barely see his face.
Man : Sondor! It is happening! The six lights of Karneus have come! The day we have all feared is here!
I could not believe what I was hearing...I did not believe it. Growing up we were told stories of the lights of Karneus, but never before did we believe the truth in it. This was all to realistic to be a dream...what was happening?!
In an instant the six lights began to glow a reddish color and then loud pops emitted simutaneously. With each pop a small shard flew out of each of the spheres of light and connected to each other...
And then it happened.
The connected ball of red light shot through the sky and seemed to be chasing an innocent old man running from the village. It hit the man in the back and caused him to fall to the ground. He began to scream loud, and I noticed his body seemed to be shaking around a bit. What was happening to him? There was a bright red flash around the mans body and then all was silent. The bright flashed cleared and I saw something I will never forget...
That man...he was...he was no longer human.
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*A loud rumble echoes through the forest. Kaulam, in shock, drops the book and watches as it hits the ground and falls shut.*
Kaulam : What the hell was that?!
*Suddenly there was another rumbler, which was even louder. Than again...and again...each time getting louder and louder.*
Kaulam : The sound is getting closer!
*Kaulam reached in his backpack and pulled out a small dagger.*
Kaulam : What the hell is that?!
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Nice :)
I have a weird feeling about Klyros as miners, wing-aware backpacks and still-working-portals abuse, but... that\'s just silly me. ;)
So, keep posting, I\'m rather curious to see where this is heading :D
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O.O
its a cliffhanger, edge of the seat, etc, cookie!!!
In all..or somewhat, seriousness, it is quiet good...and everyone knows that klyros pwn mining...maybe. :O
Voice : Kaulam?!
Kaulam : Now who could that be...?
He likes your name
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Interesting so far. It\'s certainly not a writing technique I\'ve seen much of, and I have to say I\'m not too fond of it. Having said that, there is nothing wrong with your work as far as writing quality goes, so don\'t take that personally. :)
The way your miners talk appears flawed to me: Klyros are reptilian and typically speak with a lisp. The accent you describe seems much more suited to a human race, such as the Dwarven clans of Stonebreaker and Hammerweilder.
I find the characters\' names a little hard to get used to and remember. Perhaps you should focus some more efforts into developing their personalities so that the names can stick more easily in the mind.
Finally, keep on writing. Improvement comes with both practice, and critisism from the readers of one\'s work. :)
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well, after reading the other comments, I must say that maybe that\'s what I like in this story: the fluid writing style, especially the dialogs and the comic relief pauses :)
and... maybe this Klyros could be a black-sheepish one, mining with all his dwarf speech-articulate miner friends.