PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Single Author Stories => Topic started by: Arka on April 14, 2006, 11:48:06 pm
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Part 1: Prologue
The story so far: Arka Garam, only daughter of Embra and Golthart Garam, returns to Yliakum after many years wandering the Stalagtite, to find her parents dead and her childhood home destroyed by Ulbernauts. She resolves to find out who was responsible but is set upon by robbers. Befriended by the menkie, Lordbug, she tracks down the evil dermorian, Sudisir, who had led the robbers and also (Arka believes) was behind the destruction of her village and the death of her clansfolk.
After an epic battle, Sudusir is subdued and captured and handed over to the Vigesimi. He is tried and found guilty of robbery and conspiracy to murder and sentenced to death.
Arka is invited to join the Guild of Knowledge Seekers, where she can continue her mother?s work; translating the epics and sagas of her people, the Stonebreakers and creating a dictionary so that the ancient language of Stonebreaker, Pel Perrakithor might not be lost.
Finally, Arka feels her journey is over and she settles into a life of academia at the University of Yliakum. But fate has a way of upsetting the balance, and Arka?s troubles were far from over. In fact, they were just beginning?
(This is a sequal - for the first episode see http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=20861.0)
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Arka had been back in Hydlaa for less than a month, but it seemed like a year. She had put the events of her return behind her and had settled into her teaching job at the University. The dictionary was taking shape and she had already completed the fist volume of Elementary Stonebreaker. One or two people had signed up for her course and she was busy organising the first lessons.
She had stayed on at Kada-El's for the first two weeks. There had been a modest reward for Sudisir's capture that had paid for her board, and she had lived frugally but comfortably in the tavern. Many people had got to know of her as the word spread that this middle-aged, diminutive female Stonebreaker had subdued the mighty Sudisir. As is the way of rumour, the battle now had lasted 9 hours, with Sudisir summoning demons, the like of which had never been seen before; a worm with 9 heads and teeth like sabres, a wild cat with razor claws and fiery breath and a shape-changing ghoul that sucked the life out its victims. Against this magic, Arka had stood alone, with just a simple hand axe and had defeated Sudisir when all around her had been killed or maimed by the crazed elf. At the height of the battle, when all seemed lost, Talad himself had appeared and given the plucky dwarf a single red Glyph, from which she had unleashed the most powerful fireball ever seen, defeating the demons and bringing the elf to his knees.
At first Arka had tried to stop the story-telling, explaining that Sudisir?s capture had been as much the work of Pinante, Lordbug, Meloeck and Gholmyrr. The glyph was on load from Bodacher, and that she had been lucky to get the fireball spell to work without killing herself. But people wanted the glamorous version of events and so she gave up trying. She thought maybe if she said nothing, people would get tired of the story, but for now the legend continued to grow.
Everywhere she went, people stared and whispered. The ruder ones would point at her or even pretend to know her. It was getting to be a bit of a burden for Arka, who valued her privacy. Being at the tavern did not help, for she was constantly on show and was tiring of every meal being interrupted with people wanting to hear her story again. So she was delighted when Lordbug offered her lodgings at the University.
"It's nothing special," he told her, "Just a couple of rooms, up in the attics. We used to use it as storage, but we thought you might be able to make something of it for now."
Arka looked around. A bit dusty and in need of a woman?s touch, but light, airy and spacious, at least for a dwarf. Lordbug had even managed to find a bed, a table and chairs and bookcase for her.
"This is very good of you," began Arka, but Lordbug brushed the comment aside. "No need to thank me it's the least we could do. I hope you can make it a bit more... homely. I didn't know what dwarfs liked in the way of furnishings."
Arka smiled. She would need to cut down the legs of the table and chairs, but the rest was just perfect. She surprised Lordbug by giving him a hug.
"Oh! I err?" The menkie would have blushed if he didn't have fur. "Indeed, I see you like it."
Arka did like it. Very much. Over the next two weeks she spent much of what was left from the reward on materials and rugs (a special trip to Akkaio and a day with Brintec for those). She found an old desk in the library that needed repair and cut it down to dwarf size. She hung her precious axes over the fireplace and filled her bookcase with her mother's and her own notebooks. Now she had the solitude she had been looking for. Up in her loft space she could work without interruption. More importantly, she felt she had now arrived; that she really belonged.
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YAY! You are back and with more story! \\o/ I read and I like ... waiting for more .... oh the suspense! :D
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A week after moving into the University, Arka received her first visitor. She had set up a drawing board next to her desk and had been busy sketching when there was a knock at her door. She started; very few people knew where she was living, and she had been enjoying her new-found solitude. For a moment she entertained the thought of pretending she was out, but curiosity got the better of her. She hastily covered up the drawing she had been working on and moved to the door.
"Who's there?" she asked.
"An old friend."
Arka smiled and opened the door to Pinante. They had known each other since childhood and of all the dwarfs, he was the closest friend she had.
"We have been wondering if you were still alive, Miss."
"I?m sorry Pinante. After being on show for so long I just wanted some peace."
"It's been over a week."
"I know. It's just..."
They stared at each other in silence. Pinante understood. Her arrival in Hydlaa had opened up the grief he felt too. And the guilt. If they had got back to the village in time? But there was no use feeling remorse. It would not bring his friends back.
He broke the silence. "Aren?t you going to invite me in?"
"Of course! Where are my manners? Do come in Pinante. Garaveno'"
Pinante entered and looked around. "You've made this old attic very homely," he said, "Are these from Brintec?"
Arka looked at her new rugs. "Yes. I think he makes the best rugs in Yliakum. And I managed to haggle for this one."
Pinante laughed. Arka was always careful with her money. It was a trait she had inherited from her mother. Even when times got hard, Embra always managed to live comfortably. She was renowned for driving a hard bargain. Without her, old Golthart would have gone out of business years ago.
"You've been drawing I see. A new weapon design?"
Arka shook her head, "It's nothing. I..."
Pinnate walked over to the drawing board. "May I?"
Arka nodded and Pinante lifted the cover. He whistled in surprise. "So, you've become an architect now?"
Arka blushed. Ever since she had visited the remains of her old home she had been obsessed with the thought of rebuilding the forge. But until now, she had kept it to herself.
"Just a minute... Is this what I think it is?"
Arka looked embarrassed, but nodded.
Pinante looked at her earnestly. "You can't turn the clock back."
Arka shuffled her feet. Pinante had the most annoying knack of knowing exactly what you were thinking. It was like he could see right through you.
"It's just that... Lordbug said..."
"He/s offered you a plot of land?"
"Yes."
"It's a nice idea. To build it here, I mean. For a moment I thought you meant to go back to the village. That would not be advisable I think. Too dangerous now."
Arka sighed. To go back to the village was exactly what she had been thinking. But, of course, Pinante was right. He always was.
"Ah! I?m forgetting what I came for. You're needed. At the Tavern. Special meeting of the University. 8 o'clock sharp!"
Arka looked confused. "Why didn't Lordbug mention it?" she asked.
For a moment she thought she saw a flicker in Pinante's eye, but chose to ignore it.
"He is a bit tied up at the moment," he replied, almost too fluently.
"Well, I was thinking of staying at home and..."
"Washing your hair?" asked Pinante with a twinkle.
They both laughed.
"What's going on?" asked Arka.
"You'll have to wait and see. And now I have to go."
And kissing Arka on both cheeks he was gone.
Arka stared at the drawing. Maybe Pinante was right. She could build it here. But it still hurt. She wanted her home back.
-
On the other side of the city, deep below the windowless tower, in slightly more cramped accommodation, sat an elf. The air here was dank and smelled of death. Water ran down the walls and soaked into the bare earth on the floor. He too had solitude, except for the occasional rat sniffing around for crumbs. The only light came from a spluttering torch fastened to the wall outside; the bars on the door cast flickering lines against the rough stonework. In the corner was a wooden board with two rough blankets that served as bed. Apart from that and a bucket, the cell was empty.
The guards came once a day with food. Dry bread and water, and the occasional piece of mouldy cheese; just enough to keep him alive, but not enough to keep him strong. His wrists and ankles were chained and his only garment was a simple sacking shift. So it was that the mighty Sudisir was to spend his last days. He who had commanded fear and respect was now rejected and loathed. And it burned. The anger buried deep into his black heart and festered. More than ever, he hated the dwarfs. And of all the dwarfs he hated her the most. Her, and that interfering menkie.
They would pay for this. If not by his hand, then by others. He would make sure of it. But for now he had to bide his time. Not knowing when they would come for him, not knowing even what day it was, nor whether it was day or night, buried in this filthy hole. Waiting.
As every dark day passed, he became more determined, more focused, more hateful. Most would have been crushed by this treatment, but Sudisir thrived on it. The solitude, the hatred, the rejection fed his dark soul. Strangely, he began to take comfort in his confinement. His constant meditation on the death of Arka gave his days a purpose, his life a direction. He thought of all the ways he could kill her, and then thought of them all again, but this time more painfully.
Slowly, a plan began to emerge and with it the single grain of hope that all was far from lost. There was a way, a weakness in the system. He just needed to find out how he could exploit it.
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"I say we should just let him rot."
The Ynnwn looked around the room. He never had much time for Sudisir, but he knew some of the others felt differently. "He was always a risk. His obsession with dwarfs..."
"That may be, but he was loyal. He never let us down." The others nodded in agreement. "If it was one of us, would you still say that?"
"Of course not, I just meant..."
He was losing this argument. Maybe now was a good time to stop. Maybe a different tack.
"But it's hopeless... how are we going to spring him? He's too well guarded and they aren't gonna let anyone anywhere near him."
"We will find a way. Sudisir is no fool. He will have a plan. And when the time comes he will let us know."
The Ynnwn snorted. "Yeah and like, how's he gonna do that?"
He bit his lip. Maybe he?d said too much. But to risk themselves for that worthless, self-centred good for nothing. He had to play this carefully.
"Sudisir will find a way. And when he does we have to be ready. All of us."
"I still don?t see how..."
The Diabolo brought his fist down on the table. He had heard enough.
"Sometimes, just once, I'd like to think you were with us."
"Now that?s not fair. I..."
"Silence! I will not be spoken to like this!"
The two Kran flanking the leader started to stir, but he waved them to sit down.
"You must understand this. You are either with us or..."
The Ynnwn nodded. "I just..."
"I will not tell you again," said the Diabolo, this time with more than a hint of menace in his voice, "We have no room here for dissenters."
He stared at the Ynnwn and to those in the room it looked like he would not back down. Fingers reached for the hilts of daggers and there was an uneasy silence. But the Ynnwn lowered his gaze and murmered, "I'm sorry. I did not presume to question your judgement."
"Better," spat the Diabolo, "Now gentlemen, if there is no further business..."
The room began to empty. The Ynnwyn made to leave but the look on the Diabolo's face made it clear he was to stay. His heart sank. He knew he had said too much.
-
Arka crossed the Plaza at 7:45 and made her way up the steps to the Tavern, deep in thought, “Hmm… a special meeting…who was he trying too fool? Pinante’s up to something.”
She reached Kada El’s just before eight and pushed open the door. The Bar was empty; save for a fire in the grate there was no sign of life.
“Heloo?” she called, but there was no reply. For a moment she wondered if Pinante had meant Th’ Broken Door, but quickly dismissed it. There would be little point organising a meeting so far from Hydlaa.
Moving across to the bar a movement caught her eye. She spun round, pulling out her dagger. There was a flash of light and Arka blinked. The room had suddenly filled with people. Pinante stood right in front of her, grinning widely.
“Happy Birthday, Arka,” he boomed, and everyone cheered.
“How… what?” began Arka.
“Neat trick eh?” smiled Pinante.
Balloons and streamers appeared, falling form the ceiling.
“Pinante!”
Arka was delighted and embarrassed in equal measures. She had almost forgotten it was her birthday and certainly hadn’t planned any kind of celebration. With all her travelling, birthdays were quiet affairs. She could not recall the last time she had celebrated it in such style.
She looked around at the grinning faces. Lordbug was here, Nikoren, with a slender Fenki he introduced as Nith. Here were Nilrem, Meloeck, Bodacher and Ozbi – all those who had helped her when she first arrived. Others she had met since settling down here: Janner, Gag and Gatuna among many others. Her students had turned up, even Harnquist, who was with Aleena. What a wonderful surprise.
The Tavern had ordered a special barrel of ole’ fallin’ down. There was a small band of musicians and the party soon got in full swing. Only one person was missing.
“Lordbug,” asked Arka, “Have you seen Gholmyrr?”
“He said he would be here,” said Lordbug, “He had some business with the City Guard. He’ll be here shortly,”
Almost immediately the door flew open with a crash and Gholmyrr entered. The music stopped; it was clear from the grave look on his face that all was not well. He called Lordbug and Nikoren to one side and there was a hurried conversation. The room had gone strangely quiet. Lordbug waved the band to play; people started dancing again and gradually the party returned to normal, except for the trio in the corner. Arka could bear it no longer. She strode across the room and asked Lordbug what was happening.
“You don’t need to worry about it,” began Lordbug.
Arka shot him a glance that could have curdled Tefusang milk.
“It’s just that there’s been a murder.”
“Anyone we know?” asked Arka.
“That’s just it, Miss,” replied Gholmyrr, “The victim had no face.”
-
Remant Tovere had been a city guard for 16 of his 35 years, but he had never seen a case like this. Jefecra had told him to guard the body and that was what he was doing. Like the good guard he was. He’d seen plenty of victims in his time. Hydlaa wasn’t the safest place in Yliakum. But this one… The face had been entirely removed. Carefully, almost surgically. No face, no hair, nothing to identify the victim at all. Even the teeth were missing.
The cause of death was clear. His neck was broken. There were no other marks on the body. Whoever did this had been very strong and had taken him by surprise. There had been no fight. Maybe known to him. But Jefecra was on the case. He would find out who did this. For now, it would help to be able to identify the victim. Without that, it seemed to Remant, there was no case. But he was just a guard.
Of course there had been rumours. Some said he had upset someone high up. There was even a suggestion that a member of the Vigesimi had been involved, but that was just the usual conspiracy theory. Remant was clear. This was a guild killing. He’d been around long enough to recognise the signs. Nothing on him to suggest who he was. No belongings, even his clothes and boots were missing. But the face? That was taking things to a new level.
This was special. Whoever this was, whoever had killed him wanted this to remain a secret. And as much as he trusted Jefecra’s skills, Remant really didn’t think that his identity would ever be known. They had made too good a job of this. He looked at the body again. There was nothing at all. No clues. No pointers. Nothing to suggest who he was, nothing to suggest who had done this. Except that it had been done well. That suggested a ruthlessness and professionalism. They were dealing with someone bold, someone who was not afraid of the law. There had been no attempt to hide the body. In fact it was almost on display. Maybe, as a warning to others.
No, this would be a hard one to solve. But Jefecra was on the case.
-
Arka woke in her bed, not really knowing how she’d got there.
“Must have been a good one,” she said to herself as she viewed her bloodshot eyes in the mirror. Slowly, images came back to her; the Tavern, decked in balloons and streamers, Pinante with his flashy spells, Lordbug and… and… Gholmyrr. Something about a murder. Lordbug hadn’t wanted her to know. He was trying to keep her out of the discussion. She’d gone back to the party after that – she wasn’t going to let this spoil her birthday. After all, seven score and eight years on the planet was worth a celebration. And she very nearly hadn’t made it. Every day from now on was a bonus. And life was to be lived – to the full.
She splashed some cold water on her face and changed into clean clothes. There was still a blacksmith working in her head*, so she rummaged around her bag for a potion. She uncorked the bottle and took a draught of the pink, sweet liquid.
Her head started to clear, but Arka became more uneasy. Gholmyrr had said something about a faceless victim. She was sure he meant it literally; someone had removed his face. She gave a slight shudder. This was no ordinary murder. She had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her this was something to do with her. Had Sudisir managed to escape? He was due to be executed later that week. She shook her head. No one could get out of the Windowless Tower. He would be closely guarded. But he was clever, what if he had?
She wondered who might know. She could make one or two careful enquiries. Lordbug couldn’t object to that. In any case, how was he to know?
Moments later she was striding across the Plaza, heading for the North Gate. She had fastened a couple of short swords to her belt; better to be careful, she thought. She also had the red Glyph she had used against Sudisir the last time they met. Bodacher had been so pleased with her he had let her keep it. Not that she would be likely to get away with using it again, but having it with her made her feel safe.
Approaching the gate she saw that Finara was on duty. Arka smiled and waved as she approached and Finara waved back. Despite having got off to a bad start with the city guard, Arka and Finara had since become good friends. It was an astonished Finara who had taken custody of the unconscious Sudisir after his defeat; since then she had viewed the Stonebreaker with growing admiration.
“Hail, Lady Arka!”
Arka bowed and smiled, “Estyõ.”
“What brings you here?”
“I wondered if you might give me some information.”
Finara stiffened, “That depends on what you want to know.”
While she admired the plucky little Dwarf, Finara still did not know her well and was not likely to risk her job.
“I just wondered if Sudisir was still behind bars.”
Finara glanced at the weapons hanging from Arka’s belt.
“Don’t be afraid, Arka,” she said, “I saw him this morning. Safe and sound – for now.”
Arka sighed, clearly relieved, “It’s just this murder. I thought maybe…”
Finara started. “What do you know about that?” she asked.
Arka told her of the previous night’s events.
“I shall be having words with Sir Gholmyrr,” said Finara, “He had no business discussing this with anyone other than the guard.”
Arka frowned, “I didn’t mean to get him into trouble. I just wondered…”
Finara smiled, “You know I can’t discuss official business with you, Arka.
“I understand,” replied Arka, “But there is one thing you can reassure me about.”
“Go on.”
“Could this be anything to do with Sudisir?”
“Look, Arka,” replied Finara kindly, “You’ve been through a lot. I understand that. You’re bound to feel jumpy for a while. By this time next week we won’t have to worry about Sudisir. It’s very unlikely he had a hand in this. How could he? He gets no visitors, no messages go in and out of the jail. We have the same three guards watching him. There is absolutely no way he can influence what goes on outside his cell.”
Arka smiled and thanked Finara. But in her heart, she still doubted…
*Note for Stonebreaker students: ‘Ei Ferrak im Kapitom’ is a euphemism for ‘hung-over’ – a headache caused by too much Dverbarl.
-
Lordbug welcomed Nikoren into his study and closed the door behind him.
“It looks grave, my friend,” he began,” I haven’t heard from our man for three days now.”
“He may be keeping his head down.”
“That may be, but the plan was always that at the first sign of trouble he got out.”
“True, but things might not have got to that stage yet.”
“I don’t like it.” Lordbug looked at Nikoren intently. “The arrangement was he kept in daily contact. If he couldn’t do that, he abandoned the plan and returned to us. It’s been three days, Nikoren.”
Nikoren held Lordbug’s gaze. “We can’t give up hope. It’s too soon.”
“And what if the chap with no face turns out to be him, Nikoren? We have to talk to the guard.”
“It’s too risky. What if it is him? We talk to the guard, word will get out. We are back to square one. Only worse, because then the Seven will know we are on to them.”
Lordbug considered this. He turned to look out of the window.
Nikoren went on, “If we keep quiet about this, if we keep our nerve, the whole thing will blow over. The guard haven’t a clue when it comes to things like this. They will put the whole thing down to a guild assassination and leave it at that. If we show our hand now we will be dead. That’s assuming this is our man, and, frankly I don’t believe it.”
Lordbug wheeled round. “You think if it is our man they won’t have got out of him who he was working for? They won’t just have killed him. We are already in danger, Nikoren. You, me, all of us.”
He looked drawn. The last few days had taken their toll. This whole thing had been difficult. Getting someone in their ranks had been tricky, keeping the communication open, more so. They knew there was a risk, but Lordbug thought they had covered it. They hadn’t expected him to put himself in so much danger. They had a safe house ready in case he had to make a run, but he was supposed to get out before it got to this.
Nikoren considered this. “OK, we need to be more vigilant, but let’s not be panicked into showing our hand. We give it a few more days and see what happens. If we haven’t heard by the end of the week, we tell the guard he is missing and let them put their own conclusions on it. We have to think of a way that doesn’t arouse their suspicion.”
“If we keep quiet we could end up taking the blame.”
“I know, but if we tell them the truth we will end up the same as him. And I’d like to keep my face, thank you.”
There was a knock at the door. Lordbug composed himself before responding.
“Enter!”
The door opened and Arka walked in. She looked flustered, and for a moment, Lordbug wondered how long she had been standing outside.
“Arka! How good to see you,” he beamed, “Nikoren and I were just saying how well the Stonebreaker lessons were progressing.”
Arka smiled. “I need to take a few days off, Lordbug.”
“Of course. A holiday?”
“No, I have some… business to attend to.”
“Very well, take as long as you like.”
Arka thanked Lordbug, nodded to Nikoren and left the room. She wondered what the argument had been about. Lordbug was clearly not himself and Nikoren had looked like thunder when she walked in.
“Something’s up,” she murmured to herself, “And Arka’s going to find out what it is!”
-
Jefecra sat at his desk. In front of him he had arranged all the articles found at the scene of the crime. Each one had been neatly tagged; each tag filled out in his small neat handwriting. He liked order. That was his job; to keep Hydlaa in order.
He looked again at a small bag labelled, ‘grit from the victim’s neck’. The alchemist had said it was mainly diamond. He knew what that meant. But it didn’t get him any closer to solving this. He picked up the physick’s report. No marks on the body… clean fracture to the 3rd vertebrae… face excised with a sharp instrument… cuts to lower mandible suggest a surgical knife.
He opened his bag and took out a notebook. He began reading to himself, “Male, Ynnwyn, approximately 160 lbs, unknown.” Unknown. That was the problem. But someone knew who this was. Someone had watched while the Kran had squeezed the life out of him. And someone (and he was guessing that this someone was not the Kran who had killed him) had carefully removed all traces of his identity. All body hair had been shaved, the scalp and facial tissues removed, all teeth, finger and toenails removed. Nothing left on the victim to identify him. And then, they had dumped him in full view, in a fountain in East Hydlaa. Why? If they were being so careful to hide his identity, why not hide the body?
This was out of the ordinary. This was no routine Guild assassination. They wanted people to see what they had done. This was a warning. It said, ‘Don’t mess with us.’ But who was the message for?
To find the killer he needed the motive. But without a known victim, the motive would remain hidden. He looked at his notebook again. On each page he had set out the headings: Victim, motive, opportunity, weapon, suspects. Only the weapon was known – a pair of Kran hands, most likely hired for the job. But the rest were empty. No clues, no pointers. The only lead was that the killer was known to the victim. There had been no struggle and no evidence of contact between the victim and anyone other than the Kran who had strangled him and then snapped his neck.
He went through the items found at the scene again, one by one. Something here would tell him what had happened, the answer had to be on this table. Slowly, the candle burned down as the night wore on.
-
Arka often went out to the hills when she needed the space to think. She preferred the open spaces to the hustle and bustle of the city streets. Today, she thought she might try her luck with the Trepors. She carefully lifted her axes from the wall above the fireplace and hung them from her belt. Slinging her backpack over her shoulder, she headed out across the Plaza toward the North Gate.
An hour later she was on the Ojaveda road. It was still early and swirls of mist rolled down the steep banks on either side. She liked the mornings; it was quieter now, before the daily exodus from the city. She started to climb up the grassy bank, being careful not to slip on the early dew.
Arriving at the top of the bank, she paused to watch a herd of Tefusang. They were ferocious when fighting but now they seemed really peaceful. One was scratching his back against a tree, Seen like this, they seemed friendly and playful, but Arka knew their other side. She instinctively touched the scar on the side of her head, many years old now, but a constant reminder never to turn your back on a Tefusang.
Taking care to stay downwind of the herd, she skirted the ridge and dropped down the bank into the valley below. Here, there were plenty of Trepors, grazing. She would just take one or two; the hearts made a good meal and the egg sacs had strong medicinal properties. Keeping well down, she circled the field. She had one in her sights. A large female, it had separated from the rest of the group and stood, head down, with its back to Arka. In this position she could creep up behind unseen; the Trepors had poor peripheral vision.
As she neared the beast, she squeezed the handles of her axes. One swift blow to the back should be enough. The Trepor grazed on, oblivious to the danger behind her.
But as Arka raised her axes, she found herself propelled forwards. She rolled into a ball to avoid being spiked on the Trepor’s lethal barbs, before taking the full weight of the aggressive male that had attacked her from behind. The wind was knocked out of her and Arka’s hands were pinned under her. She struggled to reach the dagger in her belt but the weight on her suddenly increased. With a shock she felt warm liquid run down her face and seep into her shirt. Blood. But whose? She hadn’t felt the bite.
Then the weight was lifted and she rolled over, blinking in the light. Beside her lay the dead Trepor, its back peeled open like a ripe orange. And standing behind was the tall elegant figure of a Fenki. She was dressed in finest Tefusang skin, and from a broad leather belt hung an assortment of finely crafted daggers. She bowed.
“You really shouldn’t use axes to hunt Trepor,” she said.
Arka was grateful and indignant in equal measure.
The Fenki looked at Arka’s knife and snorted.
“Here,” she said, offering Arka an elegantly fashioned black dagger. The single jewel set into the hilt sparkled with a green fire.
Arka paused for a while, wondering if it was wise to accept a gift from this haughty stranger, but her dignity gave way to gratitude and she took the blade.
“Zorbels,” said the Fenki, bowing again, “at your service.”
Arka struggled to her feet and wiped the Trepor blood from her eyes with the back of her sleeve. She felt decidedly inelegant.
“Arka Garam”
She bowed a deep bow, wobbling slightly.
Zorbels laughed. It was strangely musical and Arka immediately warmed to her.
“You saved my life,” she began.
“Indeed I did,” said Zorbels, “You weren’t paying attention.”
Arka realised she had not seen her when she was stalking the Trepor but realised she must have been there all along.
Zorbels seemed to have read her mind. “I was in the long grass. You came stomping by and for a moment I thought you were going to chase off the entire herd. You should really try to walk more quietly. It’s a good job this one was deaf.”
She pointed at the fat Trepor Arka had tried to hunt.
Arka laughed. “I don’t have Fenki feet,” she replied.
Zorbels smiled.
The two spent the rest of the morning hunting together. For Arka, who was used to working alone, this was a new experience. She had only hunted with other dwarfs before and this was so different. She learned how to stalk like a cat, how to move so quietly, even the insects in the grass were not disturbed. But she could not match Zorbel’s knife work. Her hands moved so fast you didn’t see the blow. And every time the dagger found its mark, dispatching the beast quickly and almost painlessly. Arka made a secret vow to learn this art. Axes had their place, but for hunting, she could now see their limitations.
By lunchtime they had bagged no less than ten Trepors between them and they carried their spoils back to Hydlaa. An odd couple they made; the tall elegant Fenki and the stout Stonebreaker, her face and shirt stained brown with dried blood. But by the time they walked through the city gates they were firm friends.
-
Wow, you can sure tell a story. I have never sat still this long and not once was my attention lost. From the looks of things it seems you plan to write more and you can bet I will be here to read it the moment you post it. Great work! :thumbup:
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Glad you like it Sarff. You are right about there being more to come.
Sit back and enjoy the ride!
:D
Arka
-
By now, Sudisir had realised there was no chance of bribing the guards. The Guard had wisely entrusted his care to three of their most trusted, and they worked in shifts round the clock. No other guards were allowed to approach him and these three took care of all his needs.
He really had to find a way of getting a message outside. He had worked out a plan; he knew he had very little time now and he needed his people to know what to do. Once out of the cell he recognised he would have only a few minutes before he arrived at the gibbet, and then it would be too late. In those few minutes, he needed to make his escape. It was possible, but not without help.
He thought long and hard. He had nothing but the sackcloth shift he wore and the food the guard brought him each day. Somehow he had to create the medium for his message from these. And how to get the message out of the tower?
A snuffling, scratching noise disturbed his thoughts and Sudisir frowned. Another rat, come to annoy him. He stood up to chase it away, but stopped himself. He could see an opportunity arising. Moving between the rat and the bars, he herded it carefully into a corner. He had to do this quickly.
He slipped the shift over his head noiselessly and moved towards the cornered rat. He dropped the sacking over it; that would protect him from the claws. Picking up the rat inside the shift, he swung it with all his strength against the wall. The rat was still struggling as he swung it a second time. On the third attempt, he heard the hollow crack of the rat’s skull breaking. He paused, panting for breath before he emptied the lifeless rat onto the floor. He kicked it with his bare foot to make sure it was dead, before carefully tearing a narrow strip from the bottom of his shift.
Several minutes later, it was done.
“Guard!” he shouted, “Guard!”
A tall Ylian peered through his bars.
“What is it now?” he asked wearily. He had just finished a shift on the gate and now he had to guard the elf. He hated this airless gloomy dungeon.
Sudisir pointed at the rat in the corner of his cell.
“Am I supposed to share my cell with that?”
The Ylian sniffed. He sensed that this might be a trick.
“Move it nearer the bars,” he said.
“I’m not touching it, filthy, dirty animal,” Sudisir replied.
“Fine, then it stays where it is,” The Ylian turned to walk away.
“No! Alright, alright I’ll move it.”
Sudisir made a face and dragged the rat across the floor by one leg, until it was against the bars.
“Now sit on your bed.”
The guard opened the door a crack and pulled the rat outside the cell. Sudisir made no attempt to get up.
The Ylian was slightly puzzled. This Dermorian was supposed to be ruthless and cold-hearted, but was afraid to touch a dead rat? He shook his head. Probably the solitude getting to him. He would be off-shift soon. He would dump the rat outside once he’d handed over to Finara. Someone might be grateful for the hide.
-
Lordbug had hardly slept. He had spent the morning trying to design a new wing for the University but was deeply anxious. He still had no news and it troubled him. Each day this went on placed him in deeper peril. He paced the floor of his study, pondering the best course of action. At some point they would have to go to the authorities, preferably before the authorities came to him…
There was a loud knock at the door and Lordbug jumped.
“Who is it?” His voice came out in a squeak.
The door opened and Gholmyrr stepped inside, clearly excited.
“We have a message! He’s safe!”
Lordbug realised he’d been holding his breath and gave a sigh.
“When? How? What did…” he stammered.
“Calm down, Lordbug. It’s going to be fine.”
“We must get him out.”
“No, no, that’s not possible. Not yet. If we act too soon it will raise suspicion.”
“What was the message?”
Gholmyrr took a scrap of parchment from his bag and spread it in the table.
“Things getting tight. One of the seven has been killed. Things tense. No plan yet. Am keeping head down. STAY AWAY – too dangerous. Can’t get more messages out for a while. I’m OK.”
Lordbug felt reassured, but something still bothered him.
“There’s no codeword, Gholmyrr,”
“Well no, but he clearly wrote this in a hurry. It probably slipped his mind.”
Lordbug nodded. At least he was safe. Gholmyrr was probably right. They shouldn’t rush things. In any case he was clear that they should stay away – that meant there was no way of getting a message back to him.
“Who picked up the message? Was it you?”
“Don’t worry, I followed procedures. I got one of the runners to do it. After dark, after I had checked the area. No one saw him.”
Lordbug fingered the parchment.
“No plan yet. Well, that’s good news I suppose. But they clearly mean to get him out. That’s for sure.”
“Well, they had better get a move on.” Gholmyrr smiled. “The execution is the day after next.”
Lordbug looked surprised. “Next week, surely.”
“The authorities have brought it forward. Just in case there was an attempt to disrupt things. It will be announced 5 minutes before. That should put a fly in their ointment.”
He looked pleased with himself.
“Your idea, I take it?”
Gholmyrr nodded.
“Well done. We are nearly home and dry.”
-
Arka spent the rest of her day smoking the Trepor flesh. She would need some for the journey. Then after a long bath, she started to pack away the things she would need. A few clothes, her axes, a new notebook. She would be gone a few days at the most.
Zorbels had invited her for a drink in the Tavern that evening. She wanted Arka to tell her about the encounter with Sudisir. And as weary as she was with re-telling the story, she was looking forward to sharing it with her new friend.
Soon Arka was ready. She would set out as early as she could. That way, she would make it before nightfall. She checked her leather armour and waxed it well before packing it into her shoulder bag. She had been meaning to make this journey for some time, but now seemed the right time. She would be back in time for the execution. Not that she wanted to see it. She wanted to be safe at home when it happened, just in case…
No, she shook her head. There was no way he could escape this. She was safe now. Placing her bags and axes by the door, ready for the morning, she donned her woollen cloak and set off across the plaza.
She arrived at the Tavern to find Zorbels at the bar sipping a cold milk, spiced with cinnamon. She greeted Arka and turned to the Barkeeper.
“A pint of ole fallin’ down, please.”
Arka smiled. “How did you know?” she asked.
“I’ve been talking to one or two of your friends.”
Arka looked towards the fireplace. Sure enough, Lordbug and Nikoren were standing there. They both waved and she waved back.
“Do you want to join them?” asked Zorbels.
“No,” replied Arka, “They don’t want to hear my story again – it was hard enough for them the first time round.”
Zorbels smiled and nodded.
“Do you really want me to tell you what happened?”
“Only if you want to.”
Arka began with her arrival at the Stonebreaker village, finding her home destroyed and her parents gone. She told her about the ambush and how Ozbi and Bodacher had helped, how she had suspected Lordbug and Gholmyrr. She left out the bit about the Death Realm. Seeing her mother dead had been such a shock and she wasn’t sure Zorbels would believe her.
By the time she got to the final encounter with Sudisir, it was getting late. Zorbels had listened intently to the whole story. She had been particularly interested in why Sudisir had wanted to take her mother’s notes, and Arka had explained about her project to resurrect the language and history of the Stonebreakers. Zorbels was impressed.
“You are writing the dictionary yourself? And it’s never been done before?”
Arka smiled. “Most of the work had already been done,” she said, “I only had to translate from the runes. But yes, the dictionary was my idea. And I’m making progress.”
They left the tavern late, after Zorbels had made Arka promise to show her the dictionary.
“Are you hunting again tomorrow?” she asked Arka.
“No, I have some business to attend to.”
“Well, any time you want a lesson, you know where to find me.”
Arka smiled, and wished Zorbels a good night. She went home feeling very happy.
-
The two Krans were getting restless. They had been watching the tower for four hours. No-one had been in or out in all this time, and it was starting to get dark.
“Wot’s da point o’ dis?” said the taller of the two, “Nuffin’s happnin’ an’ I’m getting cold.”
“Da boss says we gotta stay an’ watch so we gotta stay.”
“Wot’s to watch? It’s jus’ the same ole’ stuff. Guard comes in, guard goes out.”
“We’s lookin’ for anyfin’ unyooshal,”
“Dere’s nuffin’ unyooshal about dis. It’s da same rootine every day.”
“We still gotta`watch.”
At that moment, Finara appeared and knocked at the door. It opened and she disappeared inside.
“See – dat’s da lady-guard goin’ in. Now da man-guard comes out.”
Sure enough, several minutes later the door opened again and Bevon Damerr walked out. He was carrying a sack, which he set down by the side of the tower. Taking a look around he nodded to himself and set off towards the Plaza.
The two Krans emerged from behind the wall and walked up towards the tower.
“See? Sumfin’ unyooshal.”
“It’s jus’ a sack. Prob’ly rubbish.” He kicked the sack with a rocky toe. It felt soft.
“Well, open it then.”
“You open it. I ain’t searchin’ fru’ rubbish!”
The first Kran took hold of the bottom of the sack and emptied its contents onto the ground.
“It’s jus’ a rat. I seen enuff. Let’s go now.”
But the other was looking at the dead animal with interest.
“Dat’s funny,” he said.
“Wot’s funny ‘bout a dead rat?”
“Look at da tail.”
The Kran looked. The tail was broken.
“It’s shaped like an L.”
“You’s stoopid. Not an L. It’s a 7.”
“Nah – L”
“Can’t yoo see wot’s in front o’ you? Dat’s a 7.”
“So?”
“So… it’s unyooshal. An’ dat means we tells da boss.”
“Well yoo can put it back in da sack. I ain’t touchin’ it.”
“Don’ yoo tell me wotta do.”
“Stoopid Kran.”
“Who yoo callin’ stoopid? Yoo’s da stoopid one.”
“Not as stoopid as yoo is.”
The two might have come to blows, but at that moment, a crowd returning from the Tavern, turned the corner. The two Krans bundled the rat into the sack and were gone.
-
Arka woke early and slipped out of the University without anyone noticing. She needed some time on her own. She walked briskly across the Plaza and climbed the steps up to the tower. Finara was on the North gate.
“You going far, Arka?” she asked.
“Just off to see my old friend, Trasok. I want to ask him about a sword I want to make.”
Finara nodded. “He’s a good craftsman. I hear he’s teaching smithing now.”
Arka fidgeted. She didn’t like lying to her friends, but she wanted to be on her own. It was important to her right now.
“Maybe he can help me with the design.”
“Good luck Arka. And take care.”
“I will.”
And with that she was gone.
Finara watched her disappear down the road. Something was bothering her, but she had no idea why.
“She seemed in such a hurry,” she said to herself.
By midday, Arka was approaching Ojaveda, She stopped to talk with Grok. He had received a new consignment of sabres and was laying them out under a tree.
“You’d do well with one of these, Miss.”
Arka looked at the swords. They were powerful, but also heavy and slow. “I’ll stick to my axes if it’s all the same.”
“Suit yourself,” said Grok.
Arka sat down and took out some of the smoked meat. She offered a piece to the Kran. He took it gratefully.
“It get’s lonely out here,” he said.
“Why don’t you take a shop in Akkaio?” asked Arka, “There’s plenty of ‘em empty.”
Grok shook his head. “Too expensive,” he said, “And here, well, I get the passing trade.”
“I suppose,” said Arka, handing him another piece.
“This is good,” he said.
“Thanks. It’s an old Dwarfen recipe,” said Arka,” We used to salt the meat down after the hunt, but salt got too expensive, so we tried smoking instead. It dries out the meat just the same.”
“Well I think it tastes better this way. Almost as good as rock.”
Arka laughed.
Grok took out a flask and offered Arka a drink.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Herbal drink,” replied Grok, “It’s traditional. Very refreshing.”
Arka thanked him and took a sip. He was right. It was delicious. She could feel it working already.
“This is marvellous.”
“You keep it, Miss. You might need it for your journey.”
Arka looked startled. How could he know?
“I’m not going far,” she said.
“No? You seemed to have packed for a trip.”
Arka thought about this. If Grok had spotted it, it was certain that Finara had. She would have known Arka had lied to her. She would have to apologise. She didn’t want to lose her as a friend.
“Well I suppose I had better be getting on…”
Grok smiled. “Stop and see me on your way back.” He said.
“I will,” said Arka.
She stood up, hoisted her bag onto her shoulders and set off up the grassy bank,
-
Lord Kehela looked at the dead rat on his desk with distaste. The Kran had said it had been brought out of the Tower by one of the guards. He could see that the tail had been broken and bent into the shape of a 7. It could be coincidence, but it could also be the message they had been waiting for. But what was the significance of a rat? He looked the body over carefully. The skull had been broken, but there were no other marks on its body.
“Hmm… nothing outside then…”
He took hold of the rat’s jaw and pulled the mouth open. Moving the candle closer, he peered inside. There was something at the back of the mouth. A scrap of cloth. He opened a drawer in his desk and took out a pair of tweezers. Gently, he pulled out a strip of sacking, less than an inch wide and several feet long. He stretched it out on his desk There were no marks on the cloth, but then Sudisir would have nothing with which to make a mark.
He looked closely at the cloth. It had a rough edge as if it had been torn from a larger piece. Loose threads hung from the edge and here and there, there were gaps where the warp threads were missing. Here and there… He looked more closely. The gaps in the cloth were interesting. Each gap was made from 2 missing threads. The threads had been removed purposively, making lines across the strip.
Where to start? The first line was 7 threads in. Kehela looked at the other end. There were no lines for the first 9 inches or so. So, he had the cloth the right way up. And 7 was the first number. He counted the threads to the next line: 24. Then 7 again, now 5, 21, 3… No, that didn’t make sense… There must be a key to the code somewhere.
What would he do if he were Sudisir? A simple code, yes, but an added twist in case it fell into the wrong hands. But what was the key? Usually a short word with no repeated letters… must be a clue in the message somewhere. Maybe he could try the full sequence of numbers. Taking a fresh sheet of paper from his drawer he began writing the numbers across the top of the page, counting the threads carefully.
7-24-7-5-21-3-11-17-16-11-16-3-23-17-6-2-25-20-8-17-21-1-18-15-21-20-7-4-11-1-6-6-1-17-18-23-11-3-10-11-16-22-11-20-11-4-11-14-11-3-25-9-14-25-18-10-20-21-6-11-20-11-1
Definitely a key word… The first letter appeared three times in the message. And the number 11 – that must be a vowel. No, not E… The third letter was there, three times. He shook his head. This was not the right approach. Find the key word and it would all fall into place. There was an interesting sequence of 11-17-16. Possibly a word end. Now that would make sense if you moved it two places up.
So that meant…Suddenly it struck him. It had been staring him in the face all along. He quickly decoded the message. So… they had to move quickly. He would make the necessary arrangements. He held the paper to the candle flame, then dropped it into the fireplace Just to be sure, he dropped the strip of sacking onto the flames and watched it burn.
-
Zorbels saw Arka stand up and lift her bag onto her shoulders. She had seen her leaving early this morning and wondered what kind of business she was in such a rush to complete. She had meant to catch her up and surprise her, but became more curious the further they got from Hydlaa. So she had kept her distance and followed from the side of the road. Now she saw Arka climbing the bank, it was clear she was not headed for Akkaio. If not, then where?
She took care to skirt Grok and reached the top of the ridge in time to see Arka disappearing over the next summit. This was stupid. She had only met Arka and now she was stalking her like prey. She should stop now; she was intruding on her privacy. But something, maybe curiosity, maybe her hunting instinct, drew her on.
Arka rounded the stalagmite and for a moment Zorbels thought she was heading for the old ruins, but she took a sharp turn and started to climb the side of the broad valley. Zorbels was pretty sure there was no way through, but Arka seemed to know differently. She waited until the dwarf had disappeared over the top before sprinting up the valley side. It took her some time to find the way through; a low tunnel through the undergrowth, almost too small for her to squeeze through, but easy enough for a Dwarf.
Once on the other side, she scanned the hills for a sight of Arka, but she had lost her. It was too late to make it back to Hydlaa, so Zorbels headed back to the road. She would stay in Akkaio the night and maybe visit the Trepors again tomorrow.
-
There was a knock at the door. Jefecra put down the scrap of cloth he was examining and crossed the room. It was Finara.
“Have you a moment sir?”
“Of course, do come in.” Jefecra welcomed her into the room and gestured her to sit down.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I have some… concerns, sir.”
“Really? To do with…”
“It’s the case, sir. The murder.”
“Ah... Continue.”
“I may be wrong about this but… it’s Arka Garam, sir. She’s been acting oddly. I got the distinct impression she is hiding something from me.”
Jefecra looked interested. “And you think she may have had something to do with the murder?”
“No, no, well, maybe… I really don’t know what to think…”
“Stick to the facts.”
“Yes. Well, Arka asked me about the murder the following morning. It turned out Sir Gholmyrr had mentioned it…”
“Gholmyrr?”
“Yes sir. And, yes I have dealt with him. He apologised and said she hadn’t meant to tell her. I made it pretty clear he wasn’t to do anything like that again.”
“You told Arka nothing?”
“Of course not! Arka asked if Sudisir might have had something to do with it. It seemed an odd thing to ask, seeing as how Sudisir had been under lock and key for the past month.”
“Indeed.” Jefecra’s brow furled.
“Then there was the incident with the rat.”
“Rat?”
“Yes, Bevon had to remove a dead rat from Sudisir’s cell. It’s skull had been broken, but Sudisir was refusing to touch it. Bevon thought it was odd.”
“And where is the rat now?”
Finara looked at her feet. “Bevon… disposed of it.”
“How, exactly?”
“He left it outside the Tower in a sack.”
Jefecra sighed. He would have words with Bevon. The instructions were clear; nothing was to go into Sudisir’s cell except food; nothing out except the contents of the bucket.
“So you think Sudisir got a message out?”
“It’s possible sir. But it gets worse, I’m afraid.”
Jefecra wondered how it could get worse.
“Bevon accidentally told Sudisir his execution date had been brought forward.”
“And how exactly did this ‘accident’ occur?”
“Sudisir was goading Bevon and he lost his temper. He retaliated, saying in a couple of days his mouth would be shut for good, sir.”
Jefecra shook his head. “How unprofessional. I will see Bevon when he comes off shift. Understood?”
“Yes sir.””
“Is that all?” He rather hoped it was, but suspected it might not be.
“One more thing sir. Arka has left town, this morning. She told me she was going to see Trasok in Akkaio, but there was something about the way she said it.”
Jefecra was always amazed at how Finara sensed things. He dealt only in facts. Good solid detail. But Finara allowed her imagination to get in the way. The trouble was she was often right, and he had no idea how she did it. And that annoyed him.
“Something about the way she said it….?”
“Yes sir, and after she’d gone, I got thinking. She was loaded up for a long trip sir. I don’t think she was going to Akkaio. Not at all, sir. I checked with Lordbug at the university and she hadn’t told anyone she was going. No one at all. It just seems strange sir.”
“Indeed. Strange.”
Jefecra’s eyes narrowed. There was no way Arka would have anything to do with any attempt to free Sudisir. That would be the last thing she would want. Her sudden disappearance suggested she was worried about something. If Sudisir had got a message out, then what? It was unlikely that Arka would have known anything about it unless the message was for her, and Sudisir was hardly likely to contact her. No, she was worried that Sudisir would escape. She must know something about it. That’s why she ran away. Maybe Gholmyrr had told her about the execution being brought forward and she had panicked.
“We need to talk to Miss Garam. Have you any idea where she might have gone?”
“II have a hunch sir.”
Jefecra’s eyes rolled. Here we go again, he thought. Another bit of female intuition. More fanciful ideas. No solid facts, no proof. But dammit she was always right.
“Go on.”
“I believe she will have headed for her old home.”
“The Dwarf village? Hardly a safe haven I would have thought. The place is full of Rogues and Bandits these days.”
“She might not know that, sir.”
“Take Rabartus and try to find her. We need to make sure she is safe. Thank goodness after this afternoon’s business is concluded, we won’t have to worry about Sudisir.”
“I’ll do my best sir.”
“I’m sure you will. That will be all.”
Finara rose and left Jefecra’s office. She met Lord Kehela on the way in and bowed.
“Good day. Is the Captain in?” he asked.
“Yes my Lord. Shall I tell him you are here?”
“That will not be necessary. I shall let myself in.”
“Very good my Lord.”
Finara bowed again and left the building. She needed to talk to Bevon and alert Rabartus. She briefly wondered what had brought Kehela to see Jefecra. There was something about him that made her feel uncomfortable. He had inherited his place on the Vigesimi when his father had died, and immediately volunteered to take responsibility for the guard. It was not a position that many would want to take. Of course, they agreed. Who could blame them? But no-one asked why he was so keen.
She shook her head. First things first. She had to find Arka and make sure she was safe.
-
:love: OMG! Arka ... O.o I am so addicted. *Zorbels chants* "More, more more more!" Awesome job as always, and I have to say you are becoming, no scratch that ..... you have become one of my favorite PS story writers!
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eheh! So glad you like it! And praise from you is praise indeed :)
Well this one is taking a while for me to get out. Lots of twists and turns to come. And did you solve the coded message?
I'm still a few chapters ahead of the posts, so there will be more soon (although I may need your help with a particular 'cliff-hanger' - will PM when the time comes)
So... Enjoy!
:D
-
(http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/8119/stone8dq.th.jpg) (http://img225.imageshack.us/my.php?image=stone8dq.jpg)
Arka had arrived at her parents’ forge just before nightfall. She had managed to clear the rubble away from the cellar door before it got dark. She would be safer down there, she had thought. She wouldn’t be able to light a fire, but her woollen cloak would keep her warm. It had started to rain; she would be sheltered underground.
The cellar was just as she had left it. She had taken a candle from her pocket and lit it, then carefully closed the trap door. The flame cast dancing shadows on the wall. There were no windows in the cellar, so no-one would see the light.
She had spent a peaceful night and slept soundly. Now it was morning and she had some work to do.
She pushed open the trap door and blinked in the early light of the crystal. There was a clear sky and the mists were already clearing. Last night’s rain had washed the stones of the ruins and the village smelt fresh and clean. After a quick breakfast of smoked Trepor, she started work on the task she had set herself.
First, she needed a good flat stone. The floor of the old forge had been covered with stone flags. She found one that had not been damaged and carefully prised it up from its place. A thousand insects scurried back into their safe, cool darkness. Arka brushed the earth from the slab and propped it against the wall. Perfect!
She opened her backpack and took out a large Perrakith hammer and a set of chisels. Rummaging in the bottom of her satchel she found the notebook she needed. Now she was ready. First, she rounded the top of the stone, to guard it against the weather. She took great care to smooth the edges; she wanted this to last. Now for the inscription. She carefully traced the shapes of the words with a piece of slate onto the surface of the slab. Standing back she double-checked the spelling and the spacing.
“Golthart en Embra Garam, dev yanerkinth Arkor. Lon dormo’, Akam dor’t ei Errert."
She gave a satisfied sigh then set to work carefully chiselling out the runes. Each one was executed with the same care; she wanted this to be a lasting memorial to her wonderful parents, for the care they had lavished on her.
By lunchtime, the words were completed. Arka paused to light a fire and boil some water. She had some herbs in her bag and made herself a strong tea. She would complete the stone with a traditional Perrakith border and set it over the mounds of earth outside the forge. She planned to stay another night in the cellar, maybe longer. But she was determined to get back to Hydlaa before the execution.
-
Finara and Rabartus had spent the night at Th’ Broken Door. Finara knew Arka had stayed here before she first came to Hydlaa. That must mean her village was nearer to here than Hydlaa. With Rabartus’s tracking skills they should be able to find her. They made discrete enquiries in the town but no-one had seen her. Brado was pretty sure she had not been to Akkaio since her visit to buy carpets from Brintec a week ago.
“You could try asking Trasok. She’s very friendly with him.”
Finara thanked Brado, paid him for the rooms and set off across the square to the blacksmith’s, while Rabartus packed for their trip. She had not visited Trasok for some time. Stepping into the shop, she found him engaged with a Kran. She recognised him as Grok Idon, the trader from the roadside.
“Good morning gentlemen,” she began, “I wonder if I might disturb you?”
“Is this guard business?” asked Trasok.
“It is. I am looking for Arka Garam.”
Trasok’s eyes widened. “Arka? That slip of a girl? Don’t tell me she’s wanted by the guard!”
“We just need her to help with our enquiries.” It was a standard guard response.
Grok turned to Finara. “Is she Stonebreaker?” he asked.
“Yes”
“Yesterday. Shared her lunch with me on the road. Headed off towards the ruins.”
“Was anyone with her?”
“Didn’t see no one else. It was quiet yesterday. Didn’t sell no sabres either. Could I interest you in one?”
“Err, thanks but no. I will have to be going. If Arka comes here, please tell her to stay put. I will be back later”
She turned on her heel and headed for the tavern.
***********
Zorbels had left the Tavern before Finara got up. She had heard the two Hydlaa guards asking about Arka the night before and was convinced the Stonebreaker was in some sort of trouble. For them to send two guards, it must have been serious. She had to find Arka and warn her. It wouldn’t be easy; the trail was a day old now, and it had been raining.
There was a shorter route to the ruins and Zorbels climbed the step bank, being careful not to slip on the early dew. The rain had left the earth soft and very slippery. But no problem for a Fenki, especially one as experienced as her.
An hour later, she was at the entrance to the overgrown path. Pushing through she surveyed the succession of hills and ridges. She had no idea which direction Arka would have taken. The rain would have washed away any scent. She needed tangible clues.
She could see a faint path leading over the summit of the next hill. That was as good a start as she needed. No-one visited the Dwarf village these days; it was too dangerous. The paths had all but disappeared. This one had been made with stones and was easier to follow. But it was still guesswork. Then near the summit, she found what she was looking for; a single footprint in the mud. The size and shape of the foot made it unmistakably that of a Stonebreaker.
Now she had established this was the right path she relaxed. It was just a case of following it to see where it led. Along the way she saw the odd reassuring sign that she was heading in the right direction: a broken twig here, a footprint there. She smiled to herself; Arka was a good student, and had left few tracks, but then a Dwarf could never be as agile as a Fenki.
-
Lordbug and Nikoren made their way to the Tower. A rough gibbet had been erected by the North Gate. As arranged, the announcement had been made at the last minute. Gholmyrr was already there. A small crowd had gathered; most people had not heard the announcement.
“Let’s hope they get this over quickly,” whispered Gholmyrr and Lordbug nodded.
At five minutes to four exactly, the guards led Sudisir from the Tower. His hands were bound behind his back and his feet were shackled. As a further precaution, they had blindfolded him. He was surrounded by a ring of guards; it was clear they were taking no chances.
Lordbug looked at the Dermorian. His face was angled upwards, his mouth slightly open. It was an odd posture, maybe because he was being led blind. Everyone’s eyes were on the slight figure of the elf as he was led, stumbling across the small square. It would take no more than a couple of minutes to get to the gibbet. A couple of words from the priest then it would all be over. Nobody saw the speck in the sky slowly getting bigger.
At a safe distance stood the hooded figure of a Diabolo. He held the glyph tightly and focused his mind. Far above him, a lone bird of prey circled and slowly descended. This would take some skill; the target was so small and there was so little time.
Sudisir was now approaching the gibbet. He paused at the foot of the stairs and raised his head. For a moment he looked like he was praying but then his mouth opened wider. For the first time, Lordbug looked up. A large bird swooped over the heads of the crowd. Something in its claws sparkled briefly. Sudisir stood still, his mouth opening wider. Suddenly, Lordbug realised what was about to happen.
“Stop!” he shouted, but it was too late. The bird opened its claw dropping the glyph neatly into Sudisir’s waiting mouth. There was a flash of light and Sudisir was gone. The guards scattered.
“No!” shouted Lordbug,” He’s still here – try to feel for him.”
But the guards were running around, confused. Bevon felt something brush past him and grabbed at it. For a moment, he seemed to have hold of something but was floored by an invisible punch.
“Close the gates!” shouted Lordbug, but it was too late. A cloud of dust lifted between the gates, and it was clear that Sudisir had made his escape.
Jefecra looked closely at Lordbug from his position behind the gibbet. Slowly, he walked across the square towards him. For a moment the two Menkis looked at each other. Then Jefecra spoke.
“I think it’s time we had a little chat, Lordbug.”
“Can’t it wait? Now Sudisir is on the run, surely the first priority is to find him?”
“That’s precisely what I intend to do.”
He led Lordbug past the surprised crowd and into the Tower.
-
Zorbels was beginning to wonder if she had taken a wrong turn. She had seen no tracks for the last few miles and the path was getting fainter. She would climb one more ridge. She might be able to see further from there.
Then she saw the smoke. A thin line, drifting lazily over the next hill. It was getting dark as she descended into the ruined village. And there, sitting by her fire was Arka. She was caught between wanting to make no noise, but not to startle her friend. Arka was staring at the fire; she seemed transfixed by the flames dancing around the edges.
“Arka!”
Arka jumped up.
“Zorbels? How did you….”
“Quick – we must go - we have no time. The guards are after you.”
“But it’s getting dark.”
“I can see well enough,” said Zorbels, “the trouble is, so can Rabartus.”
“We can hide,” said Arka, ”There is a cellar here.”
“It’s too risky. Rabartus will smell the fire – they will guess we are still here. We have to go. Is there another way out?”
“There is another road. It comes out behind Akkaio.”
“Then we should go that way. Show me.”
Arka kicked sand over the fire and gathered her tools. She took a last look at her handiwork. She was pleased she had been able to mark her parents’ last resting place.
“We must go now,” hissed Zorbels.
“This way.”
The two set off at a run. The road this way was longer, but if they hurried, they would reach Akkaio by dawn. There were no guards on the gates there. Zorbels knew someone who would hide them until this blew over.
An hour later, Rabartus and Finara arrived at the forge. Rabartus had followed the scent of cooked smoked Trepor and led Finara straight to the village The smoke had dispersed, but the ashes, covered in sand were still warm. It was clear from the tracks in the sandy soil that Arka was in the company of an Enkidukai.
“Not Lordbug, nor Nikoren,” said Finara, “These prints are too small. Maybe a Fenki?”
Rabartus nodded. He put his nose to the ground. “Definitely a Fenki. Her scent is familiar…”
“Well the fire is still warm. They haven’t got much of a start on us.”
Rabartus was still sniffing at the earth. A light breeze sprang up and he stiffened. The air carried the mingled scent of the two fugitives. To Rabartus, it was like reading a signpost.
“This way.”
“Are you sure?”
Rabartus snorted. Ylians were so dull. “Of course I’m sure! This way. Quickly!”
The two set off at a sprint.
-
After the Execution, Pinante, Nikoren and Gholmyrr had watched Lordbug being led away by the Captain of the Guard with a mixture of surprise and foreboding. They had no way of knowing how much Jefecra knew. More importantly, they were worried about Arka. With Sudisir free, her life was in danger. They had agreed that the first priority was to find her. Then they would worry about what to do about Lordbug.
Two hours later, they met at the Tavern. Nikoren had scoured the University grounds and the whole of East Hydlaa, Pinante had searched the Temple and the dungeons and Gholmyrr had drawn the short straw and had spent two hours in the sewers.
“No sign of her,” began Pinante, “I’ve been to the lowest levels and she hasn’t been seen.”
“She must have left the city,” said Gholmyrr, “What exactly did she say to you and Lordbug?”
“She said something about some business to attend to.”
“Well that could mean anything.”
Pinante looked thoughtful.
“Did you know she was thinking of rebuilding her parents’ home?
The other two looked at Pinante with interest.
“In the village?” asked Nikoren.
“She said not, but I rather think that’s what she intended, yes.”
“Does she know how dangerous that place has become?” asked Gholmyrr.
“Danger seems to be a secondary consideration with Arka.”
“If we set off now we could make Akkaio before nightfall,” said Nikoren,” We can head for the village at first light.”
“Sudisir has a head start on us. And he knows the way,” said Pinante, “We should journey overnight. Gholmyrr, you should stay here. If there is any negotiation to be done with the guard over Lordbug, then you are the one to do it. I know the way to the village and I’ll need Nikoren’s tracking skills and eyesight.”
Gholmyrr agreed.
“As soon as we find Arka, we will return. Stay here with Lordbug. There’s no knowing what Sudisir will do. We will be as fast as we can.”
Ten minutes later, with a supply of fish and bread, hastily bought from the Tavern kitchens, Pinante and Nikoren were on the forest road. Gholmyrr watched them disappear round the first bend. Turning back into the city, he noticed for the first time that Finara was not at her post. He turned to her companion, Remant.
“Is Finara on leave?”
“No sir. She had some urgent guard business. Out of town.”
“Where?”
“Not at liberty to say, sir.”
“Very well. Good day Remant.”
“Go well, Sir Gholmyrr”
Remant bowed and Gholmyrr nodded back. So, Jefecra had sent Finara after Arka? Thinking about it, he hadn’t seen her at the execution. She would have seen Arka leave town and told Jefecra. But why the interest in Arka? She had clearly set out before the execution. Had Lordbug told her about the Seven? Jefecra must know more than he was letting on.
Well, at least with the guard looking for Arka, there was a better chance of her being found. He hoped it was not too late.
-
“Gentlemen.”
Lord Kehala looked around the room.
“I am so glad you could make it today, and at such short notice.”
If he was at all worried, he was hiding it well.
“We have a little – ah – inconvenience that needs to be dealt with.”
A murmur went round the table. This was about Sudisir He hadn’t been seen since the rescue. While they had all, with one exception, been in favour of saving him from execution, the thought of him on the loose was not entirely comforting.
To Kehala’s right sat the Ynnwn. Today he had the sense to keep quiet. To tell Kehala “I told you so” would do nothing to endear him to the Diabolo. He had only managed to redeem himself last time by agreeing to get rid of the spy. Unfortunately, the Kran had been a little too enthusiastic and his neck was broken before he could find out who had sent him. He had hoped that putting the body on show, in the pick up area, would have forced a response, but the guard had got there first. Then they had tried the message, but whoever had picked up had been so skilful they didn’t get a hint of where it went. He wasn’t happy about that. But right now, there were bigger fish to fry.
“Rest assured that we will have Sudisir back in the fold very soon. At this very moment there are several of our people out looking for him. It is only a matter of time.””
“What if the guard get him first?” asked a voice from the back of the room.
“Ah – Mr Krepplin. Your faith in our guard is reassuring, but misplaced I feel. They have not managed to capture him before. I hardly think they will manage it now.”
“And what about this Arka and her Menki friend?” asked another.
“Lordbug is in custody. On my suggestion. Of course the Captain thinks it was his idea, but he is now firmly convinced that
Lordbug had a hand in Sudisir’s escape. I don’t think he will be bothering us for a while. And as for the Stonebreaker, my guess is that Sudisir will lead us to her. Then we will finish off what he attempted.”
“And the rest of em?”
“Ah – the others. We have already tried to track them down with a message. They apparently think their spy is still operating. Another message should do the trick. We shall have them at our mercy very soon.”
“If there are no further questions, gentlemen, I suggest we meet tomorrow morning, when I will give you further news. Good day.”
As the room emptied, the Ynnwn smiled to himself. Kehalar was good. You could give him that. He’d managed to turn a disaster into a triumph. Sudisir’s recapture was by no means certain. They had to find him first. But for now, his job was to lead Kehalar to the men who had sent the spy. Another message was needed. This time to flush them out. He needed to think carefully about this one.
-
Jefecra was getting annoyed. An hour of questioning and Lordbug was still denying everything. He himself was starting to wonder. Lord Kehala had been very clear. He had inside information, he said. He couldn’t reveal his source because it would put his man at risk. Reluctantly, Jefecra had agreed to bring Lordbug in, although it was not his way. He wanted to speak to Kehala’s man first. You have to be methodical about these things.
Then he had seen Lordbug at the execution. He had been jumpy as if he was expecting something. He had seen him look at the sky, had seen the bird. It must have been under Lordbug’s control, but they had searched him and had found no Glyph. Maybe someone else was assisting. Lordbug had impeded the guard when they had tried to prevent Sudisir escaping. He had distracted them – he had seen that with his own eyes.
He left Lordbug in his cell and went back to his desk. The evidence from the murder had been cleared away and filed neatly in small wooden boxes. Kehala had told him to concentrate on Sudisir’s execution, so the murder investigation was on the back burner now. He had tried to keep it to the back of his mind but thoughts kept popping up. Why had the body been left in such a conspicuous place? Why not hide it?
No, he had to focus. Lordbug and perhaps others had aided the escape of a dangerous criminal and he had to get a confession. Kehalar had explained that Lordbug’s part in Sudisir’s initial capture had been a smokescreen. In fact, he had tried to help him evade capture. No, it was Arka that had subdued Sudisir. But she trusted Lordbug. Maybe he moved her into the University so he could keep an eye on her. He needed Finara to bring Arka to him. Without her, he could not be sure.
Facts! He needed more facts. He skimmed though his notebook. The interviews with Finara and Bevon about the rat. The number 7 leapt off the page. Bevon had said the tail was bent into the shape of a seven. Maybe, just maybe, worth a try. He was clutching at straws now.
Returning to Lordbug’s cell, he dismissed the guard and sat opposite Lordbug.
“You are making this very hard for yourself,” he began.
Lordbug ignored this.
“All you have to do is tell me what you know and you can go home. You will be helping yourself, Lordbug.”
Lordbug looked at Jefecra. He was doing a good job hiding his temper, he thought. What could he tell him? If Jefecra found out that Lordbug had been spying on a group of influential and ‘respectable’ members of Hydlaa society, he would have him arrested charged and incarcerated. He would think the worst. But as far as his involvement in Sudisir’s escape went, he couldn’t prove a thing; all Lordbug had to do was keep quiet.
Jefecra looked pensive. It was time to take a gamble.
“Let me show you something,” he said.
Taking a sheet out of his notebook, he drew a figure seven on the paper and handed it to Lordbug. His expression flickered, just long enough for Jefecra to perceive surprise and alarm.
“You see, I knew about this all along,” he crooned, “I suggest now would be a good time to tell me what you know.”
Lordbug’s mind raced. It was inconceivable that Jefecra was a member of the Seven. He had suspected that they had someone working for them in the guard, but the Captain? There was an uneasy silence, but Jefecra knew Lordbug was thinking. It was all a matter of timing. He stood up and walked behind Lordbug’s chair.
“Come on Lordbug, we have known each other a long time.”
He leant over so that his face was level with the side of Lordbug’s head. Lordbug looked ahead, his gaze fixed on the cell wall.
“I know that you know about this. I also suspect this has something to do with the murder we are investigating (where did that come from? he thought). You don’t want to get mixed up in that business, now do you? So just tell me what you know about seven.”
Lordbug shifted uncomfortably. The stakes had suddenly got higher. He still harboured doubts about the identity of the dead man. If he was their man, the guard might have found a link to him. What if he had a message on him? What if they had identified him? They would soon find out that Lordbug knew him.
“And I was rather hoping you might want to help us with this…If you had, of course, we might have been willing to help you too. A word in the right ear, you know.”
Jefecra stood perfectly still, his head level with Lordbug’s cheek. He could see a slight twitch in his eyelid; he knew he was getting there.
Lordbug sighed. “Just tell him!” a voice shouted in his head, “He’ll know sooner or later. Just tell him the truth!”
And so he started, slowly at first, to tell Jefecra about the Seven. How he had become aware that the criminal business in Hydlaa was gradually being taken over by this group. How he had managed to get a man on the inside, how he was starting to get information out, how he had realised that they were going to rescue Sudisir. And, yes, the dead man was probably their spy. He realised that now, in spite of the message.
“And why did you not come to me?” asked Jefecra.
This was a tough one. Lordbug could hardly tell him that he suspected that the Seven had men in the guard, could he? But that was how they had managed to avoid being found out. A change of guard here, a red herring there. Someone had been manipulating Jefecra. He wasn’t going to take that easily. And, Lordbug could not prove it; he had no names.
“I know you respond to facts,” said Lordbug, “I wanted more proof.”
It was a good answer, and Jefecra had to agree.
“But in doing so, you sent a man to his death?”
Lordbug looked down. This is what most deeply troubled him.
“Tell me everything you know.”
Lordbug nodded. He felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
-
Sudisir had arrived at the ruins beneath the giant Stalagmite just before dark. There was a Bandit here who owed him a favour. He needed some weapons and a Glyph and it was too dangerous for him to be seen in public. He had no plan except to kill Arka. What happened after that was for the Gods to decide.
Kehala’s Krans had been sent to follow him. He’d heard them crashing about. The invisibility Glyph had helped him confirm it. He had managed to lead a false trail to Akkaio before doubling back. It had delayed him, but with nothing to defend himself with, he had no option.
The Bandit had been very obliging. Two dark daggers in his belt and a Red Glyph in his pocket, he was now ready to conclude his business. The path to the village lay over the ridge. There was a narrow way through, he remembered. Dawn was breaking as he reached the summit. For a brief moment, he was silhouetted against the morning sky. It was just long enough to attract the attention of a pair of very sharp Menki eyes.
“He’s here!” whispered Nikoren.
Pinnate blinked in the darkness, “Credom or’t, Nikoren. I can’t see a thing.”
“On the ridge.”
Nikoren pointed.
“That’s the way to the village,” said Pinante, “Looks like he’s picked up her trail. Thank the gods we are not too late.”
The two scrambled up the bank and through the tunnel in the undergrowth. There was no sign of Sudisir as they emerged.
“This way,” said Pinante, leading Nikoren down into the valley, “We’ll pick up the pathway soon enough.”
By the time they reached the village, Sudisir had gone. It was clear he had been here. Arka’s handiwork lay smashed on her parents’ grave.
“So this is what she came here for.” Pinante pieced the fragments of stone together. He waved his hands over the cracks and mumbled into his beard. Gradually, the pieces of stone moved together and the gaps filled.
Nikoren was impressed but irritated.
“Nice work, Pinante, but shouldn’t we get a move on?”
“If Arka thought it was worth risking her life for then we should make sure it wasn’t in vain.”
Hauling the repaired stone back into position he glared at Nikoren.
“So what are we waiting for? Let’s get moving.”
Nikoren sighed. As much as he admired Pinante, he could be annoying. He hauled his bags on his back and took after the Dwarf who was already on his way.
-
Rabartus was puzzled. Arka’s trail had led them back to Akkaio. This was not an easy place to hide in. There were relatively few buildings; searching would take an hour, or two at the most. The first thing was to secure the gate. He was convinced the two fugitives were still in the town.
Finara stayed at the gates until she could be relieved. She stopped everyone that passed though and asked each if they had seen an Fenkie with a female Stonebreaker. No one had seen anything. This was possible; Arka and her companion would have arrived very early.
Eventually a couple of Menkies arrived to relieve her of her post. After briefing them she set off to help Rabartus in his house to house search.
Arka and Zorbels had been woken from a deep sleep. The journey from the village had taken all night and they had arrived at Akkaio just before the dawn. Just as Zorbels had said, they were able to enter the town unchallenged. Zorbel’s friend, Satayne, had hidden them in a corner of one of the warehouses, behind a stack of old crates.
It was him that was shaking them now.
“You must leave. Quickly. The guards are searching for you.”
Satayne led them out of the warehouse and towards the main gates, hugging the wall. Checking that Finara and Rabartus were not in sight he beckoned them to follow.
“But there are guards on the gate!” said Arka.
“They are with us. They will let you pass. Go, quickly!”
Zorbels hugged Satayne, “Thank you. I won’t forget this.”
“Go. Now!” hissed the Menki.
Arka and Zorbels ran towards the gate where the two Menkies were beckoning them to hurry. She and Zorbels slipped through the gate unnoticed, followed by the ‘guards’.
“We will make sure you get safely to the road,” Said one, “Say nothing.”
The outer portal was deserted and Arka and Zorbels quickly climbed the hill beside it and were soon in open country.
Shortly later, Rabartus and Finara arrived at th’ Broken Door.
“Someone is hiding her,” growled Rabartus, “And the Fenkie – I know who it is. Her scent is all over this town. Zorbels!”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. You think I can’t recognise her scent?”
“I didn’t know Arka knew Zorbels.”
“Well, it’s her all right.”
Finara cast her mind back to her meeting with Arka at the city gates. It was true. Zorbels had left just after Arka, but separately. She told Rabartus.
“Do you think she is mixed up in this?” she asked.
“Could be. Or it might have been a coincidence – a chance meeting. She’s a mystery that one.”
Finara knew Zorbels well and could not believe she would harm anyone. But she had to agree with Rabartus, she was an enigmatic character.
“Trouble is, everyone knows her here. Any one of ‘em could be hiding her. And, like as not, they wouldn’t tell us.”
Finara agreed. “And you are sure they are still here?”
Rabartus started. “Who did you leave on the gates?”
“A couple of Menkies. You sent them.”
“I sent no-one…”
The two raced out of the tavern to find the gates deserted. Rabartus put his nose to the ground and moaned. “They’ve gone!” he said, “and at least a half hour ago. We’ve lost them.”
-
Sudisir had followed the trail towards Akkaio for an hour before he realised he was being followed. For the third time, the Invisibility Glyph came to his aid. He slipped off the road into a small thicket and concealed himself with the spell as his pursuers rounded the corner. He frowned. It was that troublesome Dwarf, Pinante and his stupid sidekick Menkie. For a moment he thought about attacking, but held back. Why take an unnecessary risk? In any case, another plan was forming. What if they did let Arka know he was on her trail? He could still prevail. He’d almost succeeded before and this time he would be better prepared.
He waited for the two to pass him. What to do now? He could let Pinante and the Menkie find Arka. They would probably want to take her back to Hydlaa. He could cut across country from here and intersect the main road. He would keep off the road but head towards Akkaio. There were plenty of spots there from which he could launch an ambush. With the element of surprise he could easily take on all three, as long as he disabled Pinante first. The other two would be easy prey. If they stayed in Akkaio, he would find them there. He smiled to himself. This was going to be easy.
Taking his bearings, he left the road at right angles, striking across the broad plain. If he kept a straight course he would intersect the Hydlaa road in an hour or two. Unaware that Sudisir had evaded them, Pinante and Nikoren kept doggedly on towards Akkaio. Nikoren suddenly stopped.
“What’s the matter?” asked Pinante.
“The trail has gone cold.”
“Hmm. We should press on to Akkaio. I need to know that Arka is alright.”
“Better that we find Sudisir. Then we remove the risk altogether.”
“Unless it is Sudisir removing the risk to him,” thought Pinante, though he did not say it.
“What is your plan?” he asked wearily.
“Sudisir must have left the road. We must double back and find him.”
“And leave Arka alone and defenceless? This is madness.”
“We can’t be far away. He must have stopped and let us pass.”
Pinante had to admit this and grudgingly agreed.
“Alright, but if we can’t find the trail after an hour, we head straight for Akkaio.”
The two turned around and headed back the way they came.
Sudisir soon arrived at the main road. He paused at the top of the bank, hearing raised voices. Cautiously he edged forward to get a better view. Guards! From Hydlaa. Were they looking for him? How did they know he was here? He strained to hear.
“Wait until Jefecra hears about this! I told you to wait on the gate.”
“You said you would send someone to relieve me.”
“I did no such thing! You asked me to and I said I would come back with someone.”
“When they arrived I assumed…”
“Well you assumed wrong! Now we’ve lost Arka. The two of ‘em could be anywhere by now.”
Sudisir frowned. Arka had left already. And she had someone with her. That would make things more difficult. Now he had to track her down all over again. He would need to get into Hydlaa unseen. The glyph would be useful yet again. But finding Arka in the city would be more difficult. And why were the guards looking for Arka? He’d have to make sure he got to her first. Keeping well away from the road, he headed towards the city at a run.
-----------------------------------
Back in Hydlaa, Gholmyrr was beginning to worry. Lordbug was still in custody and there had been no sign of Pinante, Nikoren or Arka. He wondered what to do. On a whim, he walked past the signal point. The stone had been moved! He had to look twice to be sure. It was a huge temptation to collect the message himself, but Gholmyrr knew how dangerous that could be. He followed the procedure. First he would alert the runner, then check out the message drop point, from a safe distance.
Twenty minutes later, he had the scrap of parchment in his hand. He waited until he was safely home before he read it.
“Things getting tight. I need out. Meet me at midnight by the fountain.”
Gholmyrr’s eyes narrowed. He knew what he had to do.
-
“What now?” asked Zorbels.
“We should try to get back to Hydlaa.” Arka was still concerned about the execution.
“But the guards are after you.”
“They won’t expect me to be hiding in Hydlaa will they?”
Zorbels bit her lip. She still didn’t know why Arka was in trouble. It was awkward to ask now, so the two walked on in silence for a while.
They were now a long way from Akkaio and in deep country.
“Where are we going?” asked Zorbels.
“I know a back way into Hydlaa.”
Arka was following an old path, now overgrown, that she used as a girl. Her father would take her to Hydlaa to sell weapons from time to time. They would stay at the tavern overnight. Arka made friends with the landlord’s son, Gronwin. They would hide in the trees on the forest road and throw acorns at the passers by. It was Gronwin that had shown her how to get in and out of Hydlaa unseen. That was so long ago. Gronwin was long gone. Arka wondered if he had ever married and if he had left children. She had found herself scanning people’s faces, looking for a likeness. No-one seemed to have heard about the landlord or his son. She sighed.
Zorbels saw that Arka was deep in thought and realised this was not the time to quiz her about the guard. She followed her closely, keeping all her senses alert. But so far, amazingly, no-one had followed them.
They were skirting the forest now and Zorbels could see the top of the Windowless Tower above the trees. She realised that this way would take them to the West Road; she hoped Arka didn’t intend to get into Hydlaa down the crags. It was a dangerous route, especially in the dark, although safer than facing the City Guards. She wouldn’t choose that way in but said nothing, letting Arka lead her. Maybe she knew a different way. They approached the round lake as it was just getting dark. The two stopped to bathe their feet in the cool waters.
Higher up on the hillside, sat a single Elf. His eyes were fixed on Arka. He fingered he hilt of the short sword nervously. If only she was on her own. He could easily take her. He scowled. More than Dwarfs he hated Dwarf friends. But he could not take on the Fenki as well. He would follow them and wait for his opportunity…
-
It was late evening as Finara and Rabartus entered the City. Finara had checked with the guards, but they had seen no sign of Arka or Zorbels. She knew she had better report to Jefecra straight away but was afraid of his reaction. There had been no sight of the two on the road and there had been too much traffic for Rabartus to pick up the scent. They had tried their best, but he would not see it that way.
She found Jefecra in a meeting with Gholmyrr. He beckoned her to enter.
“What news, Finara?”
Finara looked at the floor. “We lost her, sir. They were hidden in Ojaveda and escaped with the help of the Enkidukai.”
“They…?”
“We believe that Arka is with a Fenki, named Zorbels.”
Jefecra’s eyes narrowed. So Zorbels was mixed up in this. He wondered how much she knew about it. With Zorbel’s help, it was no surprise that Arka had given them the slip.
“Will that be all sir?” Finara looked hopeful.
“Yes… No! I have another job for you.” He pointed to an empty chair. “I know you must be tired but Sir Gholmyrr here has some interesting news.”
Finara flopped into the chair. She had had not slept for two days and struggled to keep her eyes open. Jefecra handed her a scrap of parchment and Finara strained to read the small handwriting.
“What is this?” she began.
“Our friend here, Sir Gholmyrr, has been part of a plot to uncover a band of outlaws. It seems they have been gradually taking over various criminal activities in Hydlaa. They had a spy who managed to inveigle his way into their midst.”
Finara stifled a yawn. Jefecra’s ponderous way of speaking was pushing her towards sleep. Her eyes were already closing.
“And although it would seem from this note that he is now wanting to be relieved of his duties, Sir Gholmyrr here is of the opinion that he has in fact been executed by the leader and that he was indeed the victim we found in that rather distressing condition in the fountain…”
The paper fell from Finara’s hand. Gholmyrr gave a little cough.
“I think we should let her sleep, Jefecra.”
-
Pinante and Nikoren limped into Akkaio just before dark. They had caught sight of Sudisir once, ahead of them on the plains, but he had suddenly disappeared. Nikoren had insisted they try to find him, although Pinante was more intent on getting to Akkaio – he was convinced Arka would be sheltering there. Failing that, he hoped Trasok would have some news for him.
They had wasted so much time. Nikoren blamed Pinante for stopping to repair the headstone. Pinante blamed Nikoren for trying to follow Sudisir. Neither had spoken for the past hour. The lights were being lit as they walked though the gates. Nikoren broke the awkward silence.
“I think we should split up.”
“Suits me,” grunted Pinante.
“We’ll meet in the Th’ Broken Door in an hour.”
“Agreed”
Nikoren headed off for the warehouses, Pinante to Trasok’s.
An hour later they were in the tavern.
“She’s gone,” began Pinante.
“With Zorbels,” agreed Nikoren.
“Too late to follow her now. She’ll be in Hydlaa by now.”
“Zorbels will take care of her.” Nikoren had a lot of respect for this Fenki.
“So we should stay here for the night.”
“Agreed. But first thing tomorrow, we set out for home?”
“Of course.”
With that, they paid for their drinks and set out to find lodgings for the night. Pinante went off to stay with Trasok, while Nikoren went to Fjanarr who lived in one of the Enki dwellings in the warehouse district.
“Greetings Tabei. It has been a long time. What brings you here?” asked his host.
Nikoren smiled. “I’m afraid this is a brief visit, Fjanarr. We are looking for a friend.”
“The same one the Hydlaa guards were seeking?”
Nikoren nodded.
“You know she has gone?”
“Yes.”
“Well, she is in good company. There is no need for you to worry. You can sleep well tonight. First a little supper.”
Nikoren smiled. It was a long time since he had lived in Akkaio, and the place, and its reputation for hospitality had changed very little. He was tired after his long journey but could not turn down the offer of Enki food. An hour later, filled with sweetmeats and good wine, he headed for bed. Instead of sleeping, he lay awake in the darkness for a good hour. His mind was racing. It was possible that Arka was not aware that Sudisir had escaped. Indeed, she would still believe the execution had yet to take place. If Zorbels was with her, she must have left Hydlaa before the execution too. He hoped they were on their guard. Would Sudisir follow them back into Hydlaa? It was possible. He was so determined to kill Arka. By now he would be fully armed. They should have tried harder to find him but Pinante was insistent on them coming here. Why had he given in? They could have been in Hydlaa by now.
In his room above the blacksmith’s Pinante was having trouble sleeping. If only they’d got here earlier! Trasok had told him that Finara and a Menki guard from Hydlaa had been searching for Arka. What if they had arrested her? If only they hadn’t wasted so much time looking for Sudisir. But Nikoren had insisted. Things were looking bad. With Lordbug in custody and Arka arrested it was likely that he and Nikoren would be stopped as soon as they tried to enter Hydlaa. But they had to get back. He could use the invisibility spell to get them through the gates, but what then?
Both Pinante and Nikoren fell into fitful sleep.
-
I like it! Nicely written, good plot. Can't wait for more. \\o//
-
:oops:
Arka tells me there's lots more to come!
(looking forward to it too)
TE
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Thanks guys :D
Stay tuned: There's lots more to come!
Arka
-
Sudisir slipped into the city of Hydlaa before the gates were closed. With the invisibility glyph it was easier than he had imagined. But he did not fail to notice that the guards were stopping everyone coming in and out of the city, and some were being searched. He needed to find a place to hide, away from the guards and more importantly away from Kehala’s henchmen. He passed the windowless tower and an interesting thought struck him. No-one would think of looking for him there. It would be perfect. And he had thought of a way of getting to Arka. But first he needed some more weapons.
Half an hour later later, Arka and Zorbels had arrived at the top of the crags. A narrow path led down the cliff face into the heart of Hydlaa. Zorbels looked down with horror.
“Arka, I have to tell you something,” she began, her voice trembling. “I don’t think I can do this.”
Arka stared at her. “But you are a Fenki. It will be easy for you.”
“You don’t understand,” began Zorbels, “It’s the height.”
Arka looked with concern at her companion. Zorbels was trembling and her eyes stared down at the crag. “I’ve always been afraid of heights. When you brought me here, I thought you might mean us to go down this way but I hoped there was another route that you knew – a tunnel through the hillside or something else…” Her voice trailed away.
“There is only this way or the wall,” began Arka, “and that is probably more dangerous in the dark. We can’t go knocking on the gates.”
Zorbels smiled a little, though her legs still felt like jelly.
“I’m sorry I got you into this,” said Arka.
Zorbels saw an opportunity to have the conversation she had been putting off. “Arka?” she began, tentatively.
“Yes?”
“Tell me. Why are the Hydlaa Guard after you? What is it you’ve done?”
Arka looked Zorbels in the eye. “I don’t know,” she replied, flatly.
Zorbels eyes widenened.
“I had some problems with the guard when I fist arrived here,” Arka continued, “but I honestly thought that was behind me now. I really have no idea why they want me.”
Zorbels smiled, “I believe you.”
Arka suddenly froze.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know. I heard a noise. Someone is following us.”
Zorbels turned round slowly and scanned the hillside. It was quite dark but her Fenki eyes were keen. There was a movement on the edge of her vision and she focused.
“It’s an elf. He’s stalking us.”
Arka looked alarmed. “What does he look like?”
“It’s hard to tell in this light. Dark hair. Quite short, even for a Dermorian.”
Arka moaned, “No!”
“What is it?”
“My worst nightmare,” came the reply.
-
To my readers:
Thanks for sticking with this.
The story is finally complete!
I will post one section a day from now on (two on some days) as I need to complete the posting before 12 August
I promise a nail-biting finish!
Arka
:D
-
If Gholmyrr had any doubts about the message, they were dispelled as soon as he entered the square. The Ynnwn standing in the shadows was clearly not their man. He suddenly felt anguished, now knowing that they had lost a good friend. But he had to keep up appearances.
“Is that you?” he whispered.
The Ynnwn raised a hand in silent greeting.
“Come into the light.”
The Ynnwn paused for a moment then took a tentative step forward. Gholmyrr heard a footstep behind him and spun round. Two Krans were blocking his way. One held a length of rope, the other a sack.
“You’s coming wiv us,” said one.
Gholmyrr fell to the ground as the crossbow bolts thudded into the Krans, bringing them to their knees.
The Ynnwn started to run, but was tackled by Bevon and quickly overcome. Suddenly the square was full of guards.
“Good work, Sir Gholmyrr,” said Jefecra, a broad grin across his face.
“You cut it fine. I thought I was in trouble.”
“Ah. The element of surprise.”
“Certainly took me by surprise!”
“Still, our objective is achieved. And as your story is corroborated, we can release your colleague.”
“What will happen to them?”
“We need to… err… extract some information from this one,” said Jefecra indicating the Ynnwyn.
“How?...”
“We have our methods,” he replied with more than a little menace.
Gholmyrr shuddered. He wondered what state Lordbug would be in. Jefecra seemed to read his mind.
“I wouldn’t worry if I were you,” he said, “Lordbug was most cooperative.”
“Can I see him?”
“In a little while.”
It was a short walk back to the guardhouse. Jefecra was deep in thought and Gholmyrr didn’t want to disturb him. But he was desperately worried about Arka. He had heard nothing from Pinante and Nikoren, and Sudisir had been at large for 36 hours.
Gholmyrr waited in Jefecra’s office while Jefecra and Bevon interrogated the Yllian. After what seemed to be an age the door slowly opened and a familiar face appeared.
“Lordbug! You’re safe.”
Lordbug nodded. “Jefecra knows everything,” he said.
“It’s probably better that way,” began Gholmyrr.
“But we don’t know who has been passing information to the Seven from the guard. It has to be someone high up. I’m sure it’s not Jefecra, but this is sure to get back to them. Then we are in serious trouble.”
Gholmyrr considered this.
“Has Jefecra told you about the arrest?”
“No.”
Gholmyrr paused. Lordbug didn’t know that it was their man who had been killed.
“They have arrested an Ynnwn.”
“Not?…”
“No.” Gholmyrr looked grave. “It’s bad news.”
“I thought as much. What happens now?”
“Jefecra is interrogating him. All we can do is wait.”
And so they waited.
-
“I don’t believe it,” said Arka, “Not here. Not now. It’s not possible.”
Zorbels looked confused. “Who?…”
“It’s Sudisir. I’m sure of it.”
“It can’t be. He’s in the Tower.”
“He must have escaped. He means to kill me, Zorbels. We have to get away.”
“We could fight him.”
“He’s too powerful. It was a fluke that I managed to overcome him last time.”
Zorbels looked at the crags below her feet. She could feel the panic rising in her.
“We have to go. Now.”
She bit her lip and nodded.
“Just keep close to the cliff face and don’t look down. I’ll go first.”
Arka moved onto the narrow ledge. “Come on.”
Zorbels tried to move but her legs wouldn’t let her.
“Zorbels! Now! Get on the ledge. I’ll be with you all the way.” There was panic in her voice.
Zorbels realised that Arka was as afraid of Sudisir as she was of the crags. Summoning all her strength she moved towards the ledge.
“Stay close.”
Gradually they edged down the path. The surface was just a glimmer in the dark. It was rarely used and moss grew in patches here and there. A couple of times, Arka’s boots lost their grip and Zorbels had to grab her, her head swimming.
“Don’t leave me Arka.”
“It’s alright.”
Arka remembered there were a few places where the path had fallen away. It would be difficult to gauge in the dark, but they would need to jump across a few gaps. She hoped Zorbels would manage.
A noise from above made them both look up. Small stone chips began to fall around them.
“What’s he doing?”
There was a flurry of stones and a low rumble.
“Quick!” shouted Arka as the boulder started to fall. “Flatten yourself against the wall. Here!”
She dragged Zorbels under an outcrop of rock as the boulder hit, sending sharp fragments showering on them. Arka opened her eyes again and looked at the path ahead with dismay. A large section was missing where the boulder had struck it. They were lucky to be alive, but they were now trapped!
-
OT -- I like the Sisters of Mercy! :D
You are a real power lady, Arka... respect. :thumbup:
-
The boulder crashed into the ground and ran up against a high fence below. There was a loud boom and the sound of splintering wood. Sudisir looked up from the path below. He saw the two figures clinging to the rock face and immediately recognised Arka. Then another figure caught his eye. At the top of the cliff, silhouetted against the faint light of the night sky was another elf. Sudisir stiffened. No! No one else would be allowed to harm her. She was his! He was torn between wanting revenge on the elf who had done this, and wanting Arka dead. He watched, fascinated as the elf started to roll another boulder toward the edge. It was a long way away but he thought he might just be able to manage it. Taking the Red Glyph from its pouch he focused his mind on the shadow at the top of the cliff. The Glyph glowed red then released a ball of fire. The elf was blown off his feet and the boulder ran away harmlessly.
Sudisir staggered. That had taken all his strength. He had nothing left to take out the Fenki. He had no potions with him, nothing to revive him. He had no option but to hide himself and watch the two figures edging along the rock face.
The fireball had taken Arka by complete surprise and she had nearly slipped. Blinded by the light she could see nothing but the yellow afterglow burnt onto her retinas. Zorbels, whose eyes had been tightly shut since the boulder fell, was not affected. She could now clearly see the gaping hole in their path. She grabbed Arka and stopped her from blindly walking off the edge.
“What happened, Arka?”
“I don’t know, but someone seems to be on our side. It was a fireball from below. Try to see who sent it.”
Zorbels screwed up her eyes but could see no one in the dark square below.
Gradually, Arka’s sight returned. She weighed up the width of the gap carefully. It was too far to jump. She looked down. The drop was sheer and they were too high up to risk a free climb. Above her, the rock jutted out slightly, but there were no handholds. Besides, Zorbels' fear of heights made it unlikely that they could climb over the gap. If only she had her climbing gear with her! Then she remembered her hammer and chisels. She could drive a chisel into the rock, but she had no rope. She rummaged through her back pack furiously.
“What are you looking for?” asked Zorbels.
“We need a rope.”
“What about your cloak?”
“Of course!”
She took off the cloak and used her knife to cut it into broad strips, knotting them together. Soon she had enough length to get across the gap. Sitting on Zorbels’ shoulders, she drove the chisel into the rock face as close to the edge of the gap as she could persuade Zorbels to stand. She tied the makeshift rope firmly below the handle of the chisel and tested it. It held!
“I’ll go first,” said Arka, “That way I can help you at the other side.”
Zorbels nodded. Arka took hold of the rope and ran at the edge of the gap. Her momentum carried her easily across to the other side, where she landed on both feet.
“It’s easy!”
Zorbels was not so sure, but caught the rope that Arka had swung back to her.
“Take a good run at it.”
Zorbels swallowed hard. Her hands were wet with sweat and her knees trembled.
“Now!” whispered Arka hoarsely.
Zorbels closed her eyes and ran at the edge. Momentarily, she felt her feet dangling in mid air, then heard Arka call, “Let go of the rope!”
She opened her eyes as she let go and landed gently on the ledge. Arka had caught the rope and was tugging it to free it from the chisel. That way the elf could not follow them. It was a shame to leave the chisel, but that couldn’t be helped.
Zorbels appeared to have become calmer, and they made their way down without too much difficulty. Reaching the bottom, they sank into the grass at the base of the cliff and rested a while. No one had followed and they felt safe to stay here for the moment.
-
In a windowless room Jefecra’s interrogators had been working ceaselessly. The Ynnwn had resisted at first, much to the Captain’s annoyance. He hated having to torture people; it was so unnecessary. They all cracked eventually; better to save themselves the trouble and cooperate. But people were stubborn and their tongues needed loosening.
Strapped to the wooden bench, his shirt torn away the Ynnwn looked with horror at the contraption being strapped to his stomach. The guard had smeared his body with a mixture of ground meat and honey and he could only begin to imagine what was going to happen next.
Unlike Jefecra, the two guards quite enjoyed their work; it was always an anti-climax when their clients backed down. This one had put up a good fight so far; it looked like being a good night for them. But for now they had to wait for the Captain’s say so.
Jefecra walked into the room noiselessly and appeared in the Ynnwn’s face, smiling.
“I trust my men have made you comfortable,” he jeered.
The Ynnwn clenched his jaw. He knew if he said anything he would be a dead man.
“You are making it all rather hard for yourself,” began Jefecra, “You see, my men are professionals. They know just how to hurt you enough. Enough to experience pain the like of which you would never imagine, but not enough to release you from consciousness. You will talk to me, you see, because everyone does eventually.”
All the time he studied the Ynnwn’s face, looking for a reaction, any sign that he was getting through.
“You have the privilege of being the first to try out our next method,” he crooned. “Observe the cage strapped to your belly. We made it with padded leather round the bottom, not for your comfort, but to stop the creatures from escaping. You see, it makes a very tight fit.”
Beads of sweat prickled on the Ynnwn’s brow as Jefecra played with a small catch and opened the hatch at the top of the contraption. One of the guards disappeared and returned with a cage, covered with a cloth. The Ynnwn turned his head as the sound of scratching and muffled squeaks reached his ears.
“They are, by nature, burrowing animals,” Jefecra continued, “Very sharp claws and teeth. We were wondering how long it would take them to escape. Of course the fire will speed them up, if we need it.”
He nodded to a tray of burning coals glowing in a tray next to the bench.
“Apparently, my men have placed bets on this. I am sure you won’t want to spoil their fun?”
The Ynnwn closed his eyes. Hopefully, this would kill him. The pain in his crushed fingers and his flayed back were nothing compared to the imagination of some rodent burrowing through his guts.
Jefecra sniffed.
“Really, I thought you would be made of sterner stuff. Don’t you want to meet your new tormentors?”
He held up a small desert rat by the tail. The Ynnwn opened one eye. The rat was inches from his face, scrabbling furiously in the air with its paws. A sharp claw caught his nose and he winced.
“We have his whole family with him.” Jefecra was starting to enjoy this, in spite of himself. “But I think we should try them one by one, don’t you?”
The Ynnwn’s eyes widened as Jefecra lowered the rat into the cage and closed the hatch. For a moment, nothing happened; the rat looked around, bemused and started to clean its whiskers. Maybe it was then it tasted the honey and meat, for it began to run around sniffing at the Ynnwn’s taught skin. He watched in horror as it started to chew at his navel; its sharp claws dug into his belly, instantly drawing blood. He could feel those sharp teeth sinking lower.
“No!” he shouted, and the rat jumped.
“You want it to stop?” asked Jefecra.
“Yes! Anything! Just stop it. I’ll talk. Anything you want to know.”
Jefecra nodded at the guard who unstrapped the cage, but not before the rat had taken a strip of flesh from the Ynnwn. Dark blood trickled from the wound as the rat was returned to its family. The guard looked genuinely upset.
Jefecra’s face was now inches from the side of the Ynnwn’s head.
“Your name?” he asked smoothly.
“Karnak,” he began, “Karnak Egrat.”
“Better,” said Jefecra, “Now the names of the Seven, if you please.”
Gradually, in a dry, shaky voice, Karnak began to unravel the secrecy surrounding the Seven and their operation. Soon Jefecra had all the information he needed except one vital item; the name of the leader. All Karnak would say was “K”. Some of the others knew him, but he never used his name. Even the threat of the cage would not persuade him to reveal more. Eventually, Jefecra was satisfied that he had all has going to get.
“Take him away,” he ordered, “And keep him alive. We might need him later.”
Karnak’s broken body was released from the bench. One of the guards threw salt water over his bloody back and he flinched. They half-carried, half-dragged him to his cell.
Jefecra returned to his study. He needed some rest. But first he had a raid to plan.
-
Arka and Zorbels gathered their things and prepared for the last scramble down the grassy bank into the square.
“We can stay at the University,” began Arka.
“No! That will be the first place they come looking for us. I have a better place.”
“But I need to see Lordbug.”
“Can’t it wait? It’s too dangerous.”
“There’s no-one about now. I can be back here in half an hour.”
Reluctantly, Zorbels agreed.
“Be quick,” she hissed. “I’ll hide here behind the fence.”
Arka agreed and ran off across the square. Hiding on the other side of the fence, Sudisir smiled to himself. A new plan was already forming in his evil mind.
Ten minutes later, Arka was outside Lordbug’s rooms at the University. There was no answer to her urgent knocking, and the door was locked. Tearing a page from her notebook, Arka scribbled a note and slipped it under his door. She wondered where he could be; it was well past midnight.
Arka hurried back across the square.
“Zorbels!” she whispered, but there was no reply.
Arka followed the length of the fence, but there was no sign of her. She sat on the grass and waited, but after half an hour, she began to worry. Something had gone wrong, she knew it. Zorbels would not desert her. But Sudisir would not have been able to get down the crags in the short time she had been away. There must be more of them! She had to be really alert now. She looked around for signs but there was no indication of where Zorbels had been taken. She sat on the grass for a while, wondering what to do. There was really no point searching for her; Hydlaa was a big place and she could be almost anywhere. No, she needed to rest now. In the morning, Lordbug would be back and he would know what to do.
Despite Zorbels’ warning, Arka returned to her rooms at the University. The guard wouldn’t expect her to have returned, and after the last few days, she needed the comfort of her own bed. She slipped between the sheets and fell asleep almost immediately.
-
Jefecra returned to his study to find Gholmyrr sprawled across his desk and Lordbug curled up on the mat in front of his fire. Both were fast asleep. He thought for a moment of waking them, but held back. He could use their help in the morning; better let them get some rest. The Seven were meeting at 9. He would need at least a dozen men. Finara and Rabartus would be fully rested by morning; they could each lead a phalanx. He could put the guardhouse on a skeleton staff. Quietly sliding open a drawer in his desk, he took out a long thin notebook. Moving to a comfortable armchair in the corner of his study he began to write the names of the guards he could muster, fifteen in all, plus three leaders, including himself. That should be adequate, if they caught the Seven by surprise. Lordbug and Gholmyrr would be useful too.
He retrieved a narrow camp bed from behind a bookshelf and carefully unfolded it. He kept it here for those frequent occasions when he needed to work through the night. Covering himself with the rough blanket, he reflected on the events of the past week. So much disorder in the world! Too much for him to sort out. Too many loose ends. Who was K? Where was Sudisir? Was Arka safe? What was Zorbels’ role in all this? The morning would bring some answers at least. For now, he had to get some sleep.
If Jefecra had any inkling of where Sudisir was at that moment, he would have been astonished. Three floors below the guardhouse, in a forgotten cellar, the Dermorian had set up a makeshift prison. On a pile of sacking, lay the unconscious figure of a Fenki. Sudisir sat in the corner, idly sharpening a long dagger. Talking her had been so easy! Using the invisibility Glyph, he had crept up behind her. She was so tired, she hadn’t heard him. A sharp blow to the back of the head with the hilt of his dagger was all it took. Carrying her back to his lair was a struggle, but the streets were deserted and he faced no challenge.
The last part had nearly defeated him. Getting the inert Fenki over the fence was almost impossible. Eventually he had the idea of stacking barrels against the fence, making a series of steps. He had dragged her up from above, one step at a time, before unceremoniously dropping her over the top. After that, it was easy. He dragged her body down the cellar steps until he found the room he was looking for, at the far end of a forgotten passage. At the back of the cellar was a strong room, with a heavy oak door, iron bars set into the wood. He piled up the sacks in a corner and dragged Zorbels across the floor. Sliding the bolt across the door, he slid down the wall, exhausted.
Now the trap was baited! He had a few more loose ends to take care of, but Arka was as good as dead.
-
Sudisir rested for an hour but did not sleep. He had work to do. First there was that interfering elf to take care of. Then there was a trap to be baited. Making sure the door was secure, he gathered his things together and set out into the night. At this time, the best way out of the city was over the wall. It was a route he had taken many times.
Half an hour later he was at the top of the crags. He found the boulder that the elf had intended to use before Sudisir had stopped him. The grass was flattened at the top of the cliff where he had been standing. Sudisir looked around for clues. Another patch of flattened grass revealed where the elf had fallen when he took the impact of the fireball. There was a trail of scorched grass between here and the cliff edge. Sudisir smiled to himself; not many could have hit a target that small at that distance.
Then he found what he was looking for. Footprints, almost too faint to be noticed, leading down the hill towards the river. As he reached the top of the ridge a faint glow below him confirmed that he had found his prey. It was a cold night and he had lit himself a fire to sleep by.
Sudisir carefully circled the makeshift camp to make sure that the elf was alone. Then he struck. Lifting the sleeping elf’s head by his hair, he pressed the point of his dagger against the side of his neck.
“Tell me who you are and I might let you live,” he hissed.
“S-sardit,” came the reply. Sardit tried to turn his head but Sudisir increased the pressure on his neck and he thought better of it.
“What do you know about Arka?”
“Nothing. I have never heard of her.”
“Then why did you try to kill her tonight?”
Sardit saw no advantage in trying to deny this.
“She is a dwarf.”
“You tried to kill her because she is a dwarf?” Sudisir sounded incredulous.
“It’s a long story.”
Sardit felt the pressure on his neck ease a little and sighed in relief. But he was still in mortal danger.
“I have time. You can tell me.”
The knife was taken from his throat, but Sudisir held onto his hair.
So Sardit began his tale of how his master had been murdered by dwarfs and how he had hated them ever since. [For the full story, see http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=23195.0] Sudisir listened with interest to his tale and began to see in them both much in common. They had different reasons for hating dwarfs, but their intent was the same.
He let Sardit’s head fall back on his pillow. “I think we can be of use to each other,” he said with a vicious grin, “But first, tell me. Could you recognise the dwarf you tried to kill on the crags tonight?”
Sardit nodded.
“Then I have an errand for you. If you help me I shall see that you are well rewarded. However, cross me – and you will die.”
-
Gholmyrr stretched and looked around him. For a moment, he completely failed to understand where he was and why he had tried to sleep sitting at a desk. His shoulders ached and his legs were cramped. Then he spotted Lordbug on the hearthrug and remembered.
He looked around the room. There was a camp bed in the corner with a neatly folded blanket. Gholmyrr rubbed his eyes and yawned, as Jefecra appeared carrying three steaming bowls on a tray.
“Ah Sir Gholmyrr, you are awake. Tea?”
He set the tray down in front of the sleepy Ylian. The aroma of fennel and aniseed wafted from the bowls. Jefecra walked across to Lordbug and prodded him with his toe. Lordbug snorted, turned over and fell asleep again.
“We have some work to do this morning,” began Jefecra. “Our friend was umm… persuaded to help us.”
Gholmyrr winced. He wondered what form the persuasion had taken.
“Apparantly there is a meeting of the ‘Seven’ this morning. We have all the names except the mysterious ‘K’. I have considered my options and have decided a raid would be the best move, under the circumstances.”
Gholmyrr nodded, but secretly wondered how Jefecra made it all sound so mundane.
“We have the address. There will be more than seven there, I believe. Finara, Rabartus and myself will each lead a team of 5 guards, and I am assuming that you and Lordbug will want to assist?”
Gholmyrr looked at Lordbug, recumbent by the fireside, “If you can rouse him…”
An hour later the guards had assembled outside the tower. Each was fully armed. Lordbug and Gholmyrr had been briefed by Jefecra. They each carried a pair of longswords.
“Now men,” began Jefecra. Finara pulled a face.
“We have to maintain the element of surprise. Finara, Rabartus and I will take each of the three entrances. No-one is to make a move until I give the order. Understood?”
The guards murmured their consent.
“Now, disperse and make your way to the rendezvous. You will each take the path I have given you, to avoid raising suspicion. We meet in 10 minutes. Once you arrive at the meeting place, make yourselves inconspicuous. The meeting will have started by then but there will doubtless be various look-outs. This is a dangerous mission, and those that survive it will be well rewarded.”
The last announcement was met with a mixed reaction.
“Right. Off you go. Rendezvous in ten minutes.”
The guards sloped off. Lordbug and Gholmyrr walked together, but Jefecra had chosen a different route for himself.
“Worried?” Gholmyrr asked Lordbug.
“A little. I’m not sure what we will meet with. But Jefecra seems to know what he’s doing.”
“Jefeca always seems to know what he’s doing. That doesn’t mean he actually does.”
Lordbug looked glum. “I wish we could have prevented Sudisir’s escape.”
“Pinante and Nikoren are looking out for Arka.”
“But we’ve heard nothing from them.”
“No news, as they say, is good news, Lordbug. But now we have to focus on the task ahead. We can worry about Sudisir later.”
“I suppose so,” said Lordbug. But he was clearly worried. And although he didn’t show it, so was Gholmyrr.
-
Arka woke with a start. The azure sun shone through the windows of her loft and she realised she had slept late. For a moment she wondered where she was, but then the events of the previous night came flooding back. She had lost Zorbels! Jumping out of bed, Arka pulled on clean clothes from her chest and packed a small bag. She had to find her.
She tried to piece together what had happened. The elf at the top of the crags – it must have been Sudisir, but he was in prison. The execution wasn’t due for a few more days. How could he have escaped? But if it was Sudisir, how could he have got to Zorbels so soon? She hadn’t been gone long enough for him to get down the crags. And who had sent the fireball up the cliff to save them? None of this made sense. She needed to see Lordbug.
Moments later she was outside Lordbug’s rooms, but the door was still locked and there was no answer to her knocking. Where was everyone when she needed them? She would have to go looking for Zorbels herself and hope the guards didn’t see her. There really was no option. She ran back upstairs and took out of her cupboard a light green hooded cloak. That would offer some disguise.
She had no time to waste. Running down the stone steps, two at a time, she exited the University into a bright fresh morning. She took a good look around the square before pulling her hood over her head and setting out to find her friend. She would stick to the back lanes for now, weaving her way through the houses of East Hydlaa. Zorbels could be anywhere, so she had to look everywhere. It was the only thing she could do. She peered round the corner by the Library to check for guards. So far, so good. Quickly she dived into the alleyway between the houses. Moments later a small figure followed her.
With the hood over her head, Arka didn’t hear the light footsteps that followed.
-
Rabartus arrived at the meeting place first. Using all his tracking skills he checked all the entrances. There were two men on each. That would be difficult, but not impossible. There didn’t seem to be anyone else, but he scanned the surrounding buildings, looking for a movement in a window, a flash of steel, but he saw nothing. He spotted a narrow alley-way between the buildings, a good place for his men to hide. He should move to the back of the buildings to the rendezvous.
Then he spotted an opportunity. One of the two Ylians on this side of the building said something to his companion and walked off towards the bushes. That left an easy target. Rabartus pulled his throwing knife from his belt. He waited until the remaining Ylian was facing away and then ran nimbly across the short distance between the buildings. From here, the only side without an entrance, he was out of sight of the others and could get in a good throw.
The knife whistled through the air and found its mark. The Ylian sank to his knees, briefly trying to grab hold of the knife between his shoulders before landing face down in the mud. Quickly, Rabartus dragged him around the corner. He pulled out his knife and propped the body up against the wall. In this position, the Ylian just looked like he was taking a rest. Now for the difficult part. The other one was already making his way back to his post. Rabartus drew back from the corner, staying out of his sight then ran across to the next building and slipped into the alley way. Running as fast as he could, he skirted the back of the building, emerging into the alley on the other side. From here, he could creep up on the second Ylian, who had not yet reached his post.
He heard him call out for his companion. Rabartus had to do this quickly before he raised the alarm! Selecting a long dagger, he followed the second Ylian to the corner. Just before he turned, Rabartus put his hand over his mouth and thrust the dagger between his ribs. The Ylian gave a gasp, stiffened, then fell to the floor. Rabartus pulled the body around the corner and sat it down beside the first. From a distance they would arouse no suspicion, he thought.
Just then, Rabartus saw Jefecra arrive ahead of a group of guards. He ran across the now unguarded street to join him.
“This entrance is clear sir,” he said.
Jefecra looked at the blood on the guard’s knife and frowned. “I said you were to wait for me, Rabartus. I will see you later about this. Still, now you have cleared a way in, we should make use of it. We will lead two phalanxes in this way. Once I give the order, you can take your men round behind the building to create a diversion. Use your whistle to alert us. Understood?”
Rabartus saluted.
By now everyone was in place and Jefecra whispered his orders to Finara, Gholmyyr and Lordbug. They would all make their entrance on this side, entering the meeting room behind the head of the table. Jefecra had wrung every last detail out of Karnak. He wanted to take no chances, while it seemed his lieutenant wanted to take no prisoners.
“Once in, we divide ourselves to each side of the table. Make sure everyone stays seated. Any sign of movement and you have my permission to use whatever force is needed. I shall take care of the leader.”
Jefecra allowed Rabartus to get his men into place then led the rest across the street. Trying the door, he found it opened easily and silently. This was going to be easy. Motioning his men to go quietly he led them down the narrow passage to a thick velvet curtain. A whistle blew outside; the sign that Rabartus was attacking the other two entrances. Swiftly, Jefecra threw aside the curtain and his men streamed in, taking their places behind those at the table.
“Nobody move!” boomed Jefecra, taking hold of the hooded figure at the head of the table and pressing his knife against his throat. “My men have orders to kill anyone who tries to escape.”
There was brief silence and Jefecra was aware of the look of astonishment on his guards’ faces.
“Sir…” began Finara before another familiar voice cut her off.
“Captain! You had better have a good explanation for this!”
Jefecra whitened and jumped back, releasing his prisoner.
“M-my Lord?” he stammered.
Kehala threw back his chair and towered over the hapless Captain.
“It’s a trick!” shouted Lordbug, but it was too late. Disarmed and dazed, the Captain did not see Kehala pull the dagger from his belt until it was too late. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion; Lordbug dived across the table, Finara grabbed at Kehala’s cloak, which came away, falling over Lordbug. Kehala lunged at Jefecra, who doubled up, dark blood staining his white fur.
Then Kehala was gone.
Finara pressed her hand in the wound as Lordbug struggled to free himself of the cloak. The room was quiet except for the clamour outside as Rabartus’ men subdued the rest of Kehala’s henchmen.
“He’s losing a lot of blood,” said Finara.
“Here.” Gholmyrr passed her a phial of dark pink liquid.
“I hope we’re not too late.” Finara broke open the phial with her free hand and dripped the potion into the wound. Jefecra was unconscious, but the bleeding was staunched.
Lordbug and Gholmyyr carried him back to the watchtower on a stretcher, while the members of the Seven and what remained of their guard were led back in chains. People thronged to the square to see the spectacle. One or two had managed to find rotten fruit and peppered the prisoners as they passed until the guards, in their own time, intervened.
Finara walked alongside the stretcher. “I hope he pulls though.”
-
“Looking for your friend?”
Arka spun round. For an awful moment she thought she was looking at Sudisir – the same stature, the same shortly cropped black hair. Then she realised this was not him and relaxed.
“Who are you?”
Sardit told her his name.
“You know where Zorbels is?”
“She is safe. She wanted you to know.”
“Where is she?”
“She asked me to give you a message.”
“But where…”
The Dermorian held up a hand to silence her. “She will meet you at noon at the top of the Tower,” he said, “She wants you to come alone. She says you are in great danger and not to trust anyone.”
“How do I know you are telling the truth?”
The elf reached into his bag and drew out a single black dagger. In its hilt was set a green gemstone. He handed it to her. Arka stared at the dagger then drew her own from her belt. The two matched perfectly. There was no doubt about it. This was Zorbels’ dagger.
“Noon. At the top of the tower,” repeated the elf. Then he was gone.
Arka looked around the alleyway. It was deserted. “Trust no-one,” she thought. She didn’t like the sound of that. There had been a time when she had trusted no one. How wrong she had been. But maybe Zorbels had some new information. No! She must tell Lordbug.
She was on her way back to the University when she remembered the last time she had spoken to Lordbug. He and Gholmyrr had been arguing. What was it about? She scoured her memory. She had only picked up the end of the conversation. Lordbug was worried about taking the blame for something, and Gholmhyyr had said something about not losing face. No that was not right – keeping his face! That was it. She shuddered, remembering the faceless victim of the murder that had happened the night of her birthday. Were Lordbug and Gholmyrr mixed up in that business? Is that what Zorbels’ meant in her message?
No, that didn’t make sense. She had to trust Lordbug after all they had been through together. She would go to him now and tell him about the message, ask him what to do.
Moments later, she was outside his room for the third time that day, and the door was still locked. She wrote a careful note asking him to follow her to the Tower – just in case – and slipped it under his door. She hadn’t much time, so quickly ran up to her rooms. Maybe, just maybe, this was a trap. She didn’t want to walk into it empty-handed.
-
Nikoren and Pinante had argued for the first half of the long walk back from Akkaio and had spent the last three leagues in silence. Each blamed the other for losing both Sudisir and Arka. Whatever friendship existed between them was now stretched to the limit.
It wasn’t until they were in sight of the Walls of Hydlaa that Pinante broke the silence. “We need a plan, Nikoren. Despite what we think of each other right now, we need to work together. Arka will be in more danger than ever…”
“Not because of me…”
Pinante snorted. “Nevertheless, she is in grave danger and we must try to protect her. Can we please put our differences aside, at least until we know she is safe.”
Nikoren assented and for now, the atmosphere between them lightened. “First we should find out if Lordbug is out of custody.”
“Surely Jefecra will have realised by now that he had nothing to do with the escape?”
“Maybe,” agreed Nikoren, “But you know how thorough Jefecra can be.”
“True, although pedantic is the word I would choose.”
“Obsessive.”
They both laughed. There was nothing like having fun at someone else’s expense to make people forget their differences.
“So we head straight for the University?”
“Sounds good to me.”
********************
Lordbug and Gholmyyr arrived back at the University in high spirits. All but Kehala arrested and Jefecra on the mend. The physick had said nothing vital had been damaged and as long as the wound did not get infected, the worst he could expect was a nasty scar.
Lordbug unlocked his door and pushed it open. “Ahh! It’s good to be home. Hello! What’s this?”
He stooped to pick up a piece of paper. “It’s in Arka’s hand. Lordbug – I’m back, Zorbels and I will find somewhere to hide and I’ll get a message to you. I’m safe. Where are you? - Arka,” he read.
“What’s Zorbels doing with her?
“I’ve no idea.”
Lordbug walked over to his desk, opened a drawer and took out a bottle.
“I don’t know about you but I could use a drink right now.”
Gholmyrr was staring at the floor. “Hang on – there’s another note here.” He picked it up. "We need your help Lordbug. I’m going to the Tower to meet Zorbels – come as soon as you can. Meet me at the top. - Arka.”
“Let me see,” said Lordbug, immediately sensing a trap. He compared the two notes intently. The handwriting matched perfectly. “It’s definitely from Arka,” he said, “Or at least in the same hand. This doesn’t make sense. Zorbels would never climb the tower. At least, not willingly.” His eyes narrowed.
“We have no time to lose then.”
The two grabbed their weapons and headed across the Plaza towards the tower.
-
Arka had never climbed the Tower before, although she had passed its entrance many times on the way back up from the mines. Below it was a vast labyrinth of passages and chambers, some forgotten now. And beneath them were mines with rich mineral seams. She climbed the steps with apprehension. Every fibre of her body screamed out that this was a trick, but she knew she had to go. She could not let any harm come to her friend. A long dark passage led to the base of the Tower.
She emerged into an octagonal room at the base of tower. Looking up she could see a narrow staircase winding around the walls that disappeared into the gloom above. Tattered banners hung from the walls and there was a smell of dust and decay hanging in the still air. To get onto the stairway, Arka had to climb a steep ladder, whose base rested on the 8-sided stone set into the centre of the floor. She looked up and could just make out a glimmer of light filtering in through the roof of the tower. The rungs of the ladder were spaced for someone much taller than Arka and she had to pull herself up every step.
Eventually she reached the first landing at the base of the spiral steps. Hanging on the wall was an ancient red tapestry. The staircase was narrow and had no handrail. Hugging the wall, Arka edged upwards, step by step. “Don’t look down,” she said to herself. Then it struck her. There was no way Zorbels, with her fear of heights would willingly climb this tower. It would be the last place she would think of hiding. This was a trap! What should she do? Wait for Lordbug? But the dagger was Zorbels’ – there was no doubt of that. Then the awful truth dawned on her. Zorbels had been kidnapped. And it was all because of her.
Now Arka knew what she must do. Spurred on by the thought of her friend at the mercy of that fiend, Sudisir, she ran up the stairs. Reaching the third landing she stopped suddenly. “Careful Arka,” she said to herself as she realised the stairs suddenly stopped here. Spanning the gap was a makeshift bridge made of rope and wood. She hoped it was in better condition than the wall hangings. Stepping onto the bridge, she felt it shift under her weight. The wood creaked and groaned with every step. Holding onto the rope on each side she made her way slowly and carefully up the next landing, one gentle step at a time. Suddenly, she felt her ankle twist as the plank under her foot tipped. She stepped back just in time; if she had put her full weight on the loose plank, she surely would have fell to her death.
Arka looked carefully at the plank beyond it. It looked solid, but there was no way of knowing. She would have to risk it. Taking a short run she jumped over the loose plank and grabbed the ropes to steady herself as she landed. The bridge swayed alarmingly and her head swam. Holding tight onto the ropes she allowed the oscillations to cease before moving on. She felt the knot claw at her stomach and tasted blood in her mouth. She had bitten her tongue.
Now there was just one more staircase and a ladder to negotiate. She could feel the breeze from the opening in the roof, at the top of the ladder. Arka paused on the last landing. Despite herself she glanced down at the way she had come. The floor was so far below her it was no longer visible. One false step would surely be fatal. But she must move on. Her friend’s life depended on her.
-
Arka stepped on the bottom rung of the ladder, her heart in her mouth. With both hands on the ladder, she realised she would be defenceless as she emerged, but there was no way she could hold a weapon and climb at the same time. The rungs were spaced too far apart. Her axes were tucked into her belt, along with Zorbels’ daggers. She paused and felt in her pocket for the Red Glyph, then thought again. If she tried to use this on the ladder, the blast would likely knock her off. No, she had to press on and take her chances at the top.
She emerged, blinking into the light to see Zorbels, sitting with her back against one of the stone pillars at the edge of the Tower, her hands and feet bound with rope. She had been gagged. She looked at Arka in alarm. Spinning round, Arka saw Sudisir, standing the other side of the square opening in the roof.
“Why, if it isn’t Miss Garam,” he crooned in the familiar high-pitched voice, “So nice of you to drop in.” He sneered at her.
He appeared unarmed, but Arka knew he would have at least one Glyph on him, probably many more. She would take no chances. “You can let Zorbels go, Sudisir. This is just between you and me.”
“All in good time, my little friend, all in good time.”
Arka moved towards Zorbels, keeping her eyes on Sudisir all the time.
“Don’t do anything rash, Miss Garam”
“I’m going to untie her.”
“I don’t think so.” He reached inside his pocket.
“At least let me take off her gag.”
Sudisir paused to consider this. “All right, but she stays bound.”
Arka loosened the gag and it fell away.
“Arka! You shouldn’t have come.”
“I couldn’t have left you with this… monster.”
“How touching,” Sudisir mocked, “Come to save her friend”
“Try to get away Arka – he’ll just kill us both.”
“Not if I can help it.”
“Big words from the little Dwarf.” Sudisir was clearly enjoying this.
“Why Sudisir?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you want to kill me so badly?”
“On the contrary, I want to kill you well.” He laughed at his own joke, an odd, high squeal of a laugh, much like a pig, Arka thought. If only she could keep him talking long enough for Lordbug to get here…
-
“You might as well know,” Sudisir began. “You see, I haven’t always lived on this accursed Stalactite. A long time ago, many aeons ago in fact I lived in a place your kind call Erengabord.”
Arka’s eyes widened. “You are a dark elf?” she asked, astonished.
“Your histories called us that, yes,” he spat, “But we were Aoelfrae. Free-elves.”
“The dark elves killed my ancestors.”
“We only wanted what was ours. If the Petty-dwarfs had not been so stubborn...”
“You cannot blame the Dwarfs for what your kind did. You exterminated the whole race!”
“Lies! Your histories are not truthful. We could have lived alongside the Nibin-Noeg but they wanted us dead. Your ancestors killed my father!”
“That’s not possible!”
“Mim, the father of Fjinn and Garwin – the leader of your clan. He was a warmonger. I was sent with my father, Aelowyn, to make our peace with him after your Garwin had gone to ground with his followers. We wanted to bring peace to Erengabord but all Mim wanted was more bloodshed. The talks were a trap. He drew his sword at the table and slew my father. I escaped, but only just. The Nibin-Noeg brought their doom upon themselves. After the war, I vowed revenge on my father’s death and followed Garwin’s clan down the mines. Then I came across the Stone Labyrinths. For hundreds of years I have scoured this cursed Stalactite before I found your clan. Then I did what I had to do.”
“You killed my mother and father!”
“The lies must die! If necessary with the Stonebreakers that believe them!”
“You killed my mother because she knew our histories?”
“Anyone who propagates lies against the Aoelfrae must die.”
“But Garwin left because of Mim’s stubbornness – he wanted no part in the war.”
“He ran away. The Rodfrakem was an act born out of cowardice.”
Arka stiffened. “You – you speak Perrakithor?”
“Of course! We lived alongside the Nibin-Noeg for long enough. What you now quaintly call Pel Perrakithor – Stonebreaker – is a very old language, well-known to the free elves.”
Arka considered this. A part of her was grateful that Sudisir had escaped execution. “We can work together, Sudisir. We can re-write the histories from what we both know.”
Sudisir laughed. “You try to bargain with me? Really, this is too much. Have you forgotten that you had me sentenced to death?”
“I could plead for clemency.”
“You are too late, Arka. Several hundred years too late. Your kind had the opportunity to work with us, but betrayed that opportunity. Now I shall revenge my father’s death.”
“I had nothing to do with it.”
“You are Nibin-Noeg. That is enough.”
“I am Stonebreaker!”
“It’s all the same to me,” said Sudisir, advancing on Arka.
They circled the opening in the centre of the room in a macabre dance. Arka could see the Glyph in Sudisir’s hand. She knew she had to take action now or she would die here.
-
Pinante and Nikoren were crossing the Plaza when they saw two familiar figures running towards them.
“Hail! Lordbug! Gholmyrr.”
“Pinante! Nikoren! No time to explain,” panted Lordbug, “Pinante, you must get us to the top of the tower. Quickly!”
Pinante considered this. It would take all the mana he had.
“Quickly, Pinante!”
“Right! Gather round! All link arms and hang on for your life.” In his mind, he created a clear image of the tower roof.
There was a rushing sound and a swirl of coloured lights as the four were transported to the tower top. Pinante collapsed, exhausted from the effort, his head pounding. Just before they appeared, Arka had launched herself at Sudisir, in an attempt to knock him off his feet. The arrival of her friends had distracted him for a second, otherwise he would have stopped her with a fireball. He toppled backwards to the edge of the tower, his arms flailing madly. Arka grabbed him and pulled him towards her. It was the second time she had saved his life. In a flash, Sudisir threw Arka over his shoulder. She landed on the edge of the roof, her boots scrambling for a foothold, still gripping Sudisir’s wrists tightly. For a moment, they stared at each other, before Arka slipped, pulling Sudisr heavily onto his front. He gasped, all the breath knocked out of him, unable to free himself from her grip.
Lordbug launched himself at the elf as he started to slip over the edge, pulled by Arka’s weight. Grabbing a leg, he braced himself against a pillar. Gholmyrr took hold of Lordbug while Nikoren began to untie Zorbels. Sudisir now hung fully over the edge of the tower, cursing, while Arka gripped his wrists. In this position he could not attack. He lashed out at Lordbug with his free leg, trying to break his grip.
“Let go, Lordbug,” called Arka, “better we both perish.”
“No!”
“If you pull him up, he will kill us all.”
“I can’t let you die.”
“Just do it!”
Lordbug looked behind him. Nikoren had freed Zorbels and the two had armed themselves. He had to take the chance. “Gholmyrr! Grab the other leg.”
Gholmyrr tentatively let go of Lordbug and grabbed at the flailing boot. On the third attempt he took hold and held it tightly. Sudisir shouted a vile oath as they started to pull him up.
This would be tricky, thought Lordbug. Once Sudisir was clear of the edge, he could grab Arka, but that would mean letting Sudisir go free.
“Nikoren! Zorbels! Cover Sudisir while I save Arka.”
Gholmyrr now had hold of both ankles as he pulled Sudisir away from the edge, writhing and cursing. It was rather like wrestling a snake, he thought. Lordbug now had hold of Arka’s arms and was pulling her up. At some point she would have to let go of his wrists. He hoped they could handle him.
Then, everything seemed to happen at once. At the moment Arka let go, Sudisir kicked Gholmyrr, breaking his nose. Blood streamed out and Gholmyyr lost his grip. Lordbug was still holding Arka’s arms, her boots scrabbling for a foothold. Sudisir jumped to his feet and held up the Red Glyph.
“No!” shouted Nikoren and Zorbels, both running towards the elf.
-
Just as the fireball left Sudisir’s hands, Pinante shouted a spell. Immediately, the tower top was filled with streamers and balloons. The spell bounced off a red balloon, bursting it with a loud pop.
“Everyone! Get down!” shouted Pinante, as the fireball ricocheted from balloon to balloon, around the tower. The spell did a complete circuit of the roof, finally heading back to its origin. It struck the startled Sudisir full on the chest and he was blown backwards over the edge. A long, high pitched wail marked his descent. The magic balloons gradually drifted away.
Lordbug pulled Arka to her feet. “What was that?”
Pinante smiled. “It was the only spell I had the mana for,” he explained, “but it seemed to do the trick.”
“What happened to Sudisir?” asked Arka.
Lordbug pointed to the edge of the roof.
“No!” Arka ran to the edge and looked down.
“Careful Arka!” shouted Lordbug, pulling her back from the edge.
“He could speak Stonebreaker. And he knew our histories.” Arka was genuinely upset.
“He tried to kill you Arka,” Lordbug reminded her gently. “You are safe now.”
Arka looked over the edge expecting to see his broken body on the stone pavement below. There was no sign of him.
“Lordbug! Look!” she pointed down.
It was true; the body had disappeared.
************************
In an alley way, behind the tower, two elves were struggling with their load. “Quickly!” said one, “We need to get him to Drahlian before it is too late!”
They carried the body through the alley before disappearing into the back streets of Hydlaa. By the time Arka and her friends had descended the tower they were long gone.
“He couldn’t have survived that fall.” Said Lordbug.
“Hmm I’m not so sure. You don’t know Sudisir. I somehow feel we haven’t seen the end of this business,” reflected Arka.
They waited for Pinante to transport Zorbels down sparing her the dangerous climb inside the tower before heading off to the University. Gholmyrr went to report to the guard. Zorbels, weak from her ordeal and still dizzy from the height of the tower was being half-carried by Lordbug and Nikoren.
"Nothing a good hot meal and a sleep won't cure," said Pinante, and Zorbels agreed, although a little taken aback by Pinante's manner.
"Ignore him," whispered Arka, "He's always a bit grumpy when he's low on mana."
"I'm glad you turned up, Arka"
"It's what friends are for. In any case, it was me got you into trouble in the first place."
They were soon back at the University. Arka made Zorbels some soup and bread and put clean sheets on her bed. Half an hour later, Zorbels was asleep, dreaming of Trepors. Arka spent the afternoon at her desk, writing her tale in a nice new notebook. She stopped to think about what Sudisir had said. History was subjective, she had to admit. But their views on what the Dark Elves had done were poles apart. And to kill, because of history? She shuddered. Maybe it was better that Sudisir had perished in the fall. If he had... There was no body to be found. Maybe he was still alive. If he was alive, if, maybe she could persuade him to help her with the dictionary. He would be fluent in Pel Perrakithor. No, that was fanciful. There was no way they could be reconciled.
Arka rose from her desk, looked in on her sleeping friend to check she was comfortable and set off for a walk around the walls. She needed some time to think...
-
The following day, Arka and her friends were sitting in Lordbug’s study at the University, waiting for him to return from a meeting with Jefecra, who was already well on the mend.
“I don’t understand,” said Arka, “Why were the guard after me?”
“They wanted to question you about the murder,” began Gholmyyr.
“They thought I’d done it?”
“No!” Gholmyyr laughed. “But your disappearance aroused their suspicions.
“It’s like I said. I had business to attend to.”
“We know,” said Nikoren, “And a very fine monument you made.”
“You saw it?”
“Pinante and I were following you.”
“And we might have found you, if Nikoren hadn’t taken us on a wild goose chase.”
“That’s not fair!”
“That's water under the bridge,” said Gholmyrr hastily. He didn’t want to open up that argument again.
“So how did you get into Hydlaa?”
“Down the crags”
Nikoren’s eyes widened. “You persuaded Zorbels to go down the crags?”
“It wasn’t easy,” began Arka and Zorbels smiled.
“Then Sudisir rolled a boulder down the crags at us. He would have killed us if someone hadn’t floored him with a fireball. Which one of you did that? It was an amazing shot.”
They looked at each other.
“Are you sure it was Sudisir on the crags?” asked Pinante, suddenly serious. “Because if it was, I would have thought the fireball would have come from above, not below.”
Arka let this sink in.
“You mean the fireball was Sudisir’s?”
“None of us could have managed that apart from Pinante and he was still in Akkaio with me.”
Arka shuddered. That was how Sudisir had got to Zorbels so quickly! He was in Hydlaa all the time. That meant the elf at the top of the crags was not him. She was not out of danger yet.
Before she could speak, the door opened and Lordbug entered, a huge smile across his face.
“They’ve found Kehelar, and he’s confessed.”
A collective sigh of relief ran round the room.
“Better still, there’s a reward. He spilled the contents of his leather money pouch on the table. “There’s enough here for the new wing.”
He smiled at Arka, “How does the ‘Embra Garam’ wing sound to you Arka? The Faculty of Culture and Ancient Languages?”
Arka jumped up and hugged Lordbug. All her worries evaporated. This was more than she had ever dreamed of.
“I think this calls for a celebration,” added Lordbug, pulling a flask of golden liquid from his desk. “Gholmyrr – the glasses if you please.”
Gholmyrr disappeared into the back of the room and brought back a tray of crystal goblets. Lordbug filled them from the flask.
“To our continued success,” said Lordbug, raising his glass, and everyone cheered. “But most of all, to Arka, the bravest, most loyal friend we could hope for.”
“To Arka,” they echoed. Arka looked around the table and smiled. She caught Zorbel’s eye and there was a moment between them, a connection. She knew she had found a special friend in her and that whatever happened in the future, she need never worry again.
END
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What a great story, Arka. The blend of suspense, action, mystery and emotion makes for a very good read. Is this going to be a trilogy? :)
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Awww, me dearest Arka, or shoulds me speak Lady Arka? Ye friend, nemesis, Sudisir Tiz of back!!! :devil:
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:'( I can't believe it! I got teary eye'd at the end. This story is awesome Arka, but you already know I am addicted and love it. Now it ends and for this I am sad but all good things must come to an end.
Over all though you wrote Zorbels perfect and kept true to her character and traits. I am honored you wrote this story and it has not only been a good read for me, but my best friend IRL absolutely loves it. She has never played planeshift, but wanted me to pass on the comment. Thank you so much for sharing this with the community. You are superb story teller, and I hope to see more stories from you in these forums. Oh and I am your number #1 fan. :flowers:
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Good dialogue. I only just glanced over this last post, but it seemed well put together. Perhaps some day soon I'll read the whole thing and then write down some critiques for you. I know, you're just bursting with joy at the thought. Please, try and contain yourself.
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Thank you all for sticking with the story for SO LONG!
@Einnol: Could be; though I'll need your help (and a few of the other brethren) with it - you can guess the content!
@Akaye: Thanks m'dear - I really do appreciate your comments - I'm glad I got Zorbs right and that your RL friend likes it too!
@Phinehas: I would love to get your critique - I already know which chapters I would change but a third eye is always welcome. I hope you can find the time
Finally
@Sudisir: I don't believe it!!!!! After so long... See you IG
I need a break now. Maybe the 3rd instalment around Xmas?
Best Wishes
Arka :D
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Hello Arka, here starts my oddisey ^^
On average comment, I'd say that you haven't lost your flavour, the writing has still that freshness that could be seen in part 1, and its language makes it accessible for everyone.
This time, though, you've faced a big challenge, this one being having parallel stories going on.
It's not an easy thing to handle, and, certainly, timing has not aid you. Still, the effort was big, and I do not think I'd have done it any better, this difficult I consider the task.
At times, we've: Zorbels+Arka, Sudisir, Nikoren+Pinante, Gholmyyr, Lordbug jailed, Rabartus+Finara, Jefecra, and finally "K" plotting. This makes 8 parallel "live" stories to tell, not an easy task. In fact... might be too difficult. Normally, you focus on one story each chapter, there are times when you've put two of them, but, generally, you're focused on only one. This I think, might have caused some confusion. Forgetting what other characters are doing, since it's a long period of time before they take part again in the story. I do not know how you could have minimized this, perhaps advancing less on one story per chapter, and doing the half of the way, but on two stories, rather than only focusing on one... but that's not always possible because you need certain things to happen in order to make relevant (worth to be told) the other's actions. You see too, that I'm not very good when it comes to make short posts, so I'm certainly not the best one to suggest how you could have improved that.
In any case, I promised to reread the story again, and this is what I'm going to do, I'll leave you comments regarding each chapter (if only a line) so, let's start:
Part 1: Prologue
Befriended by the menkie, Lordbug, she tracks down the evil dermorian, Sudisir, who had...
Ok... normally people refers to them as "menki" IIRC, in any case, the first comma shouldn't be there. Yes with Sudisir name, that has to go sorrounded by commas.
of her village and the death of her clansfolk
I'm wondering if it should be "clanfolks"
After an epic battle, Sudusir
Sudisir :)
her mother?s work; translating the epics and sagas of her people, the Stonebreakers and creating a dictionary
Yeah, it's mother's but the point of this is that I think that you should have added a comma "people, the Stonebreakers, and creating..."
University of Yliakum
I'm aware that the KS have a university where they teach their guildmembers and such but... is it really called Yliakum University? Sounds a bit too big. That would mean the university in the whole stalagmite. From the writing I'd say that the university is settled in Hydlaa, thus it perhaps should be named Hydlaa University? In any case, in the official setting there's, too often, a confusion going on calling Hydlaa city Yliakum... so I guess it's not entirely your fault :S
and Arka?s troubles were far from over
should be Arka's...
Real comment:
After all that unnecessary babbling, the overall comment of this chapter is. Thanks! When someone writes, has to think about the readers. You did that with this "prologue". Aware of this story being placed in a new thread, you did not only refresh the memory of those that read the 1st "book" in order to settle themselves in the action, but also introduced the fact that there is a previous written story, for those readers that were completely new to the story.
This background, even if not falling into little details, gives the basis as to understand the action that develops on the coming chapters, and it's certainly such a gesture that you had towards the "community". So: :flowers:
Part 2: A new life
Another of your traits can be seen in this chapter. Sense of humour. You added some in the 1st book (Arka taking a bath upstairs at Kada Els comes to mind... no that's not the joke you made, it became right after that, but I cannot recall exactly, I just know it was put after that ^^) and here you put it with how the battle is amplified by the population. It's subtle, but at the same time real, and it gives believing to the action that Arka did, as it has formed part of the global memory (even if altered ^^)
This fact makes Arka feel uncomfortable, and its very well used as a reason (one more) for her to accept living inside the university, even if the room needed some fixing (is the university that overcrowded? :P I guess you simply wanted to show us a determined Arka, making the room hers, cutting the chairs and tables to her size... another nice detail in there, by the way) but the fact of introducing all the "noisy", disturbing for Arka legend around her, adds to the reader's belief of Arka wanting to be away, and have some period of calm.
Those facts also introduce us to Arka's way of being, a humble dwarf for one side, but also determined, as she doesn't hesitate to adequate the room for her.
All and all, a great chapter, if the first settled readers in the story, this one settles them in the character. :thumbup:
Part 3: A visitor
had been busy sketching when there was a knock at her door. She started
should be "Startled" ;)
They stared at each other in silence. Pinante understood. Her arrival in Hydlaa had opened up the grief he felt too. And the guilt. If they had got back to the village in time? But there was no use feeling remorse. It would not bring his friends back.
He broke the silence. "Aren?t you going to invite me in?"
Very pictorical image you wrote in here Arka, one can just see Pinante standing on the doorway, and Arka in front of him both lost in the same thoughts. If only, to add more to that feeling, right after this first paragraph, you could have pictured Arka looking a bit down, remembering, and being "awaken" by Pinante's question.
On average, the chapter's fine, and, through the action, you let the reader imagine the physics. You hardly describe facial expressions or gestures, tend more to the sentences or actions the chars are doing, also adding at times the tone of voice. Although with that, you certainly achieve a complete "picture", it would not be wasted effort to, now and then, try to explicitly state some face reaction, for instance.
In this particular chapter, we see a shy Arka, that on her retirement thought about her lost home, and pictured on a blackboard her plans, that she covered with a sheet, even if she was the only one in that room, and expected no visitors.
In that sense, the irruption of Pinante, even being a close friend to her, is such a surprise and an unexpected event, that is like a tornado looking all the room, and touching all items. While Arka's reaction to all of that, can be extracted from the dialogue lines she has, you could have added a bit more of detailing of her embarassement, being overrun by the entrance of Pinante, for instance you could have pictured her always standing still in one same spot (how I pictured her) watching how Pinante went from here to there, how she was curious about the blackboard... you could have then make her make a step forward, as if trying to stop him, but, shortly after, making a step backwards, unsure of what to do or how to act.
As a last praise, I'd like to say that it's specially enjoyable to see how you managed to build a story, non unsubstantial, but that describes your char way of being with a certain depth, and all of that without moving from location, standing always inside of her room at the university attics. I guess that's not an easy thing to achieve :)
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Part 4: Waiting
1st story change! Sudisir appears!
What to say about this chapter? I hardly can comment about anything in here... but I was not going to skip it ^^ I've a few comments to make. The first of them, again about facial expressions, something such as a smile from Sudisir, once he was starting to caress his selfconvincement of exiting and revenging, or something on this line would have been good, imo.
My only bitter flavour of the chapter was the last paragraph, specially:
He just needed to find out how he could exploit it.
What the...? Where's the mighty Sudisir in here? He just needed to find... that's for a starter! "And he was going to exploit it" should have been used instead of your sentence. Something more direct and sharp. Like a door closing on reader's noses. Blamp! And we move to another story, and I'll leave you there with Sudisir menace.
Part 5: Disagreements
Ok... now we move to Sudisirs companions.
Here, I find one of the things that, I think, your writings sometimes lack. On multiple talking chapters, there's sometimes a point where you hardly know who's talking. It would have been interesting to add (not always, just now and then) who said the previous sentence, even in a classical way such as "charA said".
"Sudisir will find a way. And when he does we have to be ready. All of us."
I imagined the one saying this (race unknown) looking around him, as soon as he finished saying that, and seeing the rest of the crowd nodding to him ^^
The Diabolo brought his fist down on the table. He had heard enough.
See? Here we're presented a diaboli... who's he? The reader exactly doesn't know if this is the first time he intervenes, or if he said something before...
The way of ending this chapter, though, it's way more hitting than the previous. This shows you're able to make great endings, and, at the same time, unfortunately minusvalues Sudisir to the eyes of the reader, as, at this point, the diaboli appears more fearsome. True, Sudisir's trapped and all... but, for the story, the fear focus of the reader should be on Sudisir, and not in the diaboli.
Part 6: Surprises
mmm
well this is a chapter where it's mixed an extreme happyness and cheerfulness with the grave news of death. That jump of state helps to accentuate and immerse the reader into the mistory of the faceless murdered.
I've a personal reluctancy when it comes to the party. The scene is bright and colourful, but you used magic in there in a way I don't personally like. This is no complain to you, just my personal view on the matter. Don't worry, my view on it is probably out of the setting ^^ so you don't have to listen to me very carefully. In any case, magic that "pops" out things from nowhere it's not the magic I like the most. You used that on the latest chapters too, and it's something I'm not very comfortable with, even if magic, it still has to have some logic. Making appear things out of nowhere doesn't convince me, but the scene plays well, and the feeling of a birthday party is achieved. In fact is the kind of image about a birthday party anyone has in movies or tales. :)
Again nice ending leaving the suspense, you really domain that, and use not to "decieve" your followers, that painfully know that when reaching the end of any of your chapters, they'll be left a slight hint, leaving them hungry to know what comes next (this isn't always true, but hey, it's a praising ;D) you're keen to use little chapters, and then those misteries help to keep readers interested in upcoming chapters, you even used a riddle this time in this second book of Arka stories, so yeah, you like writing somehow mistery... but I'm deviating from the topic of this chapter.
Last comment: I liked to see how you want to be involved with the "virtual" sorrounding, such as we've in our cultures, surely yliakeans have their own expressions, based on what they see in their world. Thus:
Arka shot him a glance that could have curdled Tefusang milk
This sentence showed your intention of placing yourself in Yliakum (and by doing that, taking the reader with you) and at the same time it has a point of irony, since I assume that's a common expression in english, if you change tefusang for cow.
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Part 7: The Guard
Another switch! Now for the guards of Hydlaa. :)
Here we find the corpse, and all the chapter describes its weirdity. That "noir" touch you put in this chapter, and by extension, to the whole second book, is what, imo, identifies this second volume of Arka's adventures.
The use of NPC into the story goes this time fairly fine. Specially because you avoided making them be the only ones there (there are more guards in Hydlaa than those few NPC) and you simply used them as "recognizable" characters for the readers, creating with this way a nice bound between the ingame and the story. It's also a success your use of Jefecra (iirc he indeed is somehow a chief of the guards) and also your decision of using other NPC as guards with a certain range (such as Rabartus or Finara that will appear later) all and all, big praise on not falling into "what you see is all what it is" and imagining that there's more complexity in the Hydlaa guards, than what we can see (this is specially remarkable on latest chapters, with the "assault" to the building)
Part 8: The morning after
Back to Arka.
This is the first time, if memory serves me well, that we know about Arka's age. We all have known her as a "veteran" but it seems she has now 148 years no less! While we've no info about life expectancy on different races, from what I was able to talk with other players this can be an acceptable age for a dwarf, and even if I don't know exactly in which year the game is supposed to be in, truth is that perhaps with such an age, even the settings would support you, and indeed Arka might have witnessed how the Laanx Temple was built... so I'll have then to withdrawl my comment about that I made about your first "book", seems I'll end being the only one out of the setting, after all ^^
The note regarding Stonebreakian students, about the euphemism, is just sweet. It would have been better if Arka herself was the one writing that. I mean if the story was told in 1st person, and this was some sort of Arka diary, then the note at the bottom would have acquired even more impact. But, after all, I think the story's not to be told in first person, so it's fine as it is. Just that the gesture of putting that "explanatory" note, talks more about you, than Arka ;)
The tension that Arka gets due to Gholmyrr's words is very well transmitted, and also how she determines herself to get the info that others don't let her know, on her own. Specially remarkable is the talk with Finara and Arka, where there's reluctancy always present in Finara's words, and the exact moment that you chose for Arka to "slip"
“Don’t be afraid, Arka,” she said, “I saw him this morning. Safe and sound – for now.”
Arka sighed, clearly relieved, “It’s just this murder. I thought maybe…”
This is most excellent. The timing chosing is right where it has to be. Once Arka's told that her main worry has no basement, she relaxes, and then, the words scape her mouth almost unconsciously "that murder... I thought maybe..." and there she slips and all the story unfolds. Great job there.
An end note:
He gets no visitors, no messages go in and out of the jail.
I think this should have been "in nor out of the jail"
Specially remarkable again how Arka realises her mistake and doubts if her words would affect her friend, and how the guard, at her time, sees with that sentence emerge her reluctancy towards Arka, and her sentences become slightly more evasive and sharp. :thumbup:
Part 9: The dilemma
Ok... in here I find the same comments I already did before.
We've a discussion between Lordbug and Nikoren, regarding the spy they infiltrated into the "7" group. Right at the beginning it's a bit tricky (I mean it's not really evident) who is the one talking.
Lordbug welcomed Nikoren into his study and closed the door behind him.
“It looks grave, my friend,” he began,” I haven’t heard from our man for three days now.”
“He may be keeping his head down.”
After reading the chapter, the reader can compose a better image of what really happened. Lordbug was very nervous, and he was the one to call Nikoren to his room, thus Lorbug's the one that opens the door as soon as Nikoren reaches it, and Lorbug again is the one that closes it. Lorbug, finally is the first to talk, since he's the one becoming worried (and is already nervous about the unclear situation)
Observe that, the default attitude of the reader is countrary to that. I mean, Lorbug's the director of the university, and is expected by default of the reader that he simply allows others to enter the room he is in. And are those others the ones that have to close the door. This is broken in this chapter, but it's not explicitly stated right at the begining, so this might have caused some confusin to some.
About gestures and expressions, while it's evident how Lorbug's the one more concerned, and feels pushed to reveal to the guards to see if he can find out what happened, while Nikoren appears as the one trying to postpone that day (when the guards know about the infiltration) and trying to insuflate fate in the mission being working correctly. Well, I might have liked it better if you had exagerated, even, the situation. This means simply making Lordbug walk in circles in a continued way over the study, talking without really facing Nikoren and gesturing with his paws, that sort of thing. Nikoren as opposed, would have remained in the same spot during all the talk, trying to calm down Lordbug, with more soft gestures (while Lordbug's would be more abrupt)
Another part where this might have been nice to be applied is when Arka enters. It's well chosen how they try to comfort her telling they're talking about the lessons (even if they somehow know that Arka eavesdropped part of the discussion) you could have added there a soft smile from both of them. Or even, the typical, one smiles first, then the other looks at him, realizes, turns to Arka and smiles the same smile than the other. Also, when Lordbug agrees on Arka leaving for a business, you could have shown how he does so (the agreement) more because he's thinking on something else (the spy) putting one paw on the forehead while with the other waves to the door, and with a phrase not very flourished, "oh yeah... sure, you can..." something like that. In fact, the presence of Arka in the room at that time is disturbing.
I think I'll leave aside the grammar comments and stuff, because I feel that, someway or another, I'll end up messing things more than fixing them, if I dig into grammar stuff. I might then just tell you this impressions about the chapters, and perhaps only jump to some grammar stuff if I really see something unpleasant (or if I feel like it ^^ )
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THis is great Nilrem - keep it coming.
By the way would you like to be my literary agent?
;)
Arka
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Hehe, thanks, but no. You do pretty well on your own. And this way you won't have to share the earnings ^^
After having added the 9th chapter to the previous post, here it comes the 10th... Did I see 51 chapters? :o
Part 10: Unravelling
We switch to Jefecra. He was the leader of the Hydlaa guard, yes? This is what one thinks right when starting the chapter. Who was Jefecra? It's the danger of using multiple plots in the same story. Sometimes, you've to refresh the reader's minds. You could have started with: "The Hydlaa guard chief, Jefecra (cannot recall surname) sat at his desk." Like this, you fix the action, and also guide the reader. The reader's always on your hands when you write something, you've to treat them carefully and with consideration. Yes, I know that it's a bit tricky some times, specially considering the lack of feedback that you get from them :S so you've to "imagine" not ever having read your text and being a reader... kind of a roleplay ^^
He picked up the physick’s report. No marks on the body… clean fracture to the 3rd vertebrae… face excised with a sharp instrument… cuts to lower mandible suggest a surgical knife.
You missed something here. It's really stupid. You just had to add that he left it again on the table. Then you can make him sigh, or look up to the door ceiling or whatever. But make him leave the note back on the table. This shows that he's read that many times, and that tries to get some information from there, without success. It might seem a stupid detail, but just having added those words of he left it again on the table, would have added more intensity to the scene.
There's one detail I found weird, though. It's the diamond dust thing. I think you used it as to prove it had to be a kran the one that had struggled the victim's neck, but I'm unsure if krans would really leave that dust. It's something that shocked me. I guess you could have made the kran appearance simply judging the dimension of the marks. Kran marks are meant to be big, and while oppressing the victim's neck, the marks would have been big, not to mention the fact that their fingers are probably more (rude, abrupt, angulous? don't know the right word for this in here) than the rest of other races.
In any case, in this chapter we've mainly the presentation of Jefecra, is the typical investigator that follows the methods, based on logic deductions, and normally successful. It's very used. Nothing wrong with that, I like it. Normally they add also some sort of "other side" another investigator who guides him/herself by instict or psycology (the motives of the murder so to say) more than the proves found on the scene. Well, I don't recall if you added that second type now, but in any case, that "investigation" feeling you added to this "2nd book" is nicely done. The reading's entertaining.
Part 11: Good hunting
We're back to Arka. Arka was leaving on "business" to do. Here we discover that she retires a bit in order to think, and Zorbels character is presented in the story.
Seems that Arka wants to slash Trepors while thinking on deep thoughts. If I were a trepor I'd pray for Arka not meditating too often. Kidding, in fact she goes there to take some eggs (they're able to cure, you say) and some treport hearts to sell if needed. It's a bit shocking to see this, as Arka just exited the university, and chances are that she might have provided all needed right from the start. But well, somehow Zorbels had to be met, so Arka had to be there. Perhaps explaining that Arka left abruptedly and forgot something, might have helped to justify the tendancy of Arka to "meditate with the Trepors" :P
About trepors... long since I read the book at the library talking about them, and if I recall correctly, the blood wasn't meant to be sort of green for them? Don't take me too serious in here though.
I've a comment about weapons. The first one being about daggers.
Beside her lay the dead Trepor, its back peeled open like a ripe orange.
Keeping in mind that the weapon used was a dagger, it seems a bit too much for me to peel a trepor like an orange with a short dagger. Specially considering that the attack is done in one strike. That is, the Trepor's almost about to attack Arka deathly, so the strike had to be fast. To cause such a huge wound, I guess a bigger weapon would have been needed. Trepors are somehow big.
But that's not the comment about weapons I wanted to make. It was regarding Arka's axes. I've always pictured Arka proud of her axes, and certainly they're an identity sign for her. Somehow, I feel she renounces too easily to the axes. In the sense that quickly looses faith on them, in favour to the daggers as to attack animals. True, they might be better (or not, that's up to you to decide ^^) but what I somehow expected is that Arka, having that stubborn point she has, sticking for a bit longer with the axes. Kind of even challenging Zorbels in the sense of. Ok, I won't be distracted now, look how this works! Weren't Arka's axes from her parents? I think there was their story in book 1, well they're meaningful for her surely, and you even have a couple of axes in your sig :)
Ah! One praise I wanted to make. You certainly have an idea of making stories through little chapters. Normally in each one there's a central idea (and only one) and that's fine for the reader. This one is the Arka and Zorbels encounter. It's good that you don't add too many ideas, that might end up confusing.
Part 12: A Rat’s tail
After having presented all the actors of the story, and settled up the "alliance" between Arka and Zorbels, the moment comes for the action to start. Obviously, this had to take us back to Sudisir, and so you did. Good.
The way Sudisir captures the rat, resembles me how little birds are trapped. In the first place I think a rat as big as the ones seen in game would not be inside that little cell, perhaps a mouse yes. In any case, I think that the trap works for birds because they're used to fly, rather than walking, the clothing puts a height on them, besides blinding them, so they cannot fly and don't know what to do. Lots of those birds move on ground by making little jumps. A rat is used to go on the floor, and not to fly. I've my doubts such a system would work with a rat or mouse, I think they'd move as lighting and not stay quiet there like the little birds. But I'm not a rat chaser. Not mouse, for that matter. Not even bird. A chaser I mean.
Seems also that the door of the cell is made by bars... the fact that the guard has to open it to take the rat, means that indeed it was a big rat (the ones you see in game) geez those are real monsters, have you noticer their proportions? They open the mouth and could eat half of a dermorian ^^
In any case, the important detail in here is: The guard wanted to skin the rat, to sell the fur. This is extremely dangerous. In the first place, because I don't see any utlity in this, it's not really necessary (at least I don't recall it that way) for the story development, and on the other hand, consists a high risk you take as a writer, since you're (alone yourself) allowing another character to manipulate the vehicle used to transmit the message. Really touchy thing, you could have made a mistake in here... there was no need to ^^ I'll try to see in next chapters, how this goes.
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Part 13: Contact!
Well, back to Lorbug and his job room at the University.
Here you describe his situation, and how he feels and the reactions when Gholmyrr comes to see him with the news. Pretty much you do in here what I told you to do in the other chapter ^^ This means two things. A) That you perfectly know how to do it and B) That I'm doing this comments on the fly, commenting as I reread the chapters again one by one. ^^
“No, no, that’s not possible. Not yet. If we act too soon it will raise suspicion.”
“What was the message?”
There's something missing here. First talking is Gholmyrr while answer's from Lordbug, they discuss about removing the spy from the group where he is infiltrated. Lorbug is anxious and wants to push things, Gholmyrr now acts as Nikoren trying to act as a stopper or cooler. Lorbug's reaction, though is not completely written. Hardly, he would have switched topic like this, but mostly he would have frowned, or murmured some complain before then yes asking about the message content. You know something as shaking head and mumbling something then facing Gholmyrr and saying "alright, alright now what about that message?"
There's a bit of lack of ambientation of what characters do, that might have reinforced the action. For instance, when Lordbug realizes there's no codework, you could have made him point (touching it) the message with his finger. Then Gholmyrr taking the piece of paper and putting it back on his bag "must have been in a hurry" while Lordbug places a paw on his forehead, goes behind the table and lets himself fall on a kind of a sofa, then sighing "you're probably right" keeping face covered by paw.
Then when he asks "who picked the message, was it you?" you can play with Lordbug removing the paws from his face, and leaning slightly, still sitting on the sofa towards the table, as to approach Gholmyrr... well you know, that sort of play.
Here we now that the execution has been secretly advanced in time.
Part 14: Packing
Back to Arka & Zorbels.
Really nothing to comment in this chapter. Am I a bit tired? Nah, I think it's all correctly written, I don't see any remarkable thing missing.
The chapter might seem meaningless, in the sense of that it really adds no information essential for the story, but I think it's a valuable chapter, because it feels real. It doesn't have to happen something extraordinary, or important always, it's just life. Here we see how the friendship between Arka and Zorbels strenghtens, and Arka shares what happened to her. We, as readers, already know (although it's good to have that refreshment) but this chapter feels real because of it shows how the friendship between them grows. Also, describes us a polite Arka, since she prepares all the things she'll need for the travel of the following day, before meeting Zorbels in the evening. A minded dwarf, this Arka. :)
Part 15: Watching the watch
The krans enter in action. Thanks to previous references, it's assumed that this krans have something to do with the non-faced corpse. They're the typical couple of idiots at the service of the thinking chief. Krans, talls and muscled, little brain... Nilrem couldn't agree more ^^
I had a laugh at the kran getting cold. Kran's organism is a big mistery, let's just say that they're very weird, but the idea of a kran having cold is funny. Krans are too misterious... their hearing sense, their composition... if I had to play a kran I'll make it scary of butterflies.
“Not as stoopid as yoo is.”
;D
I must say that this is one of the few times where I understood all the conversation going on, when it's written in that weird way to imitate non-evolved talkative beings, or sort of slangs... so hey, I understood the writing :)
Mistery... was the rat skinned finally? It's not something that we know with this chapter... but the guard seemed to have the intention to. Better if he hasn't skinned it.
I liked the detail of the seven. The broken tail, I mean. Either you had pictured the plote with some anticipation, or you really solved this greatly. That I recall, the number seven has importance only in here, the "signal" used to mark the rat as the carrier of the message. But the group of the seven is named on previous chapters. If you really planned the story that far, congratulations, it has merit. It's something I never do.
What I liked less is the feeling that the rat was the only thing inside the garbage bag. It is a bit weird... yeah Sudisir might be isolated and all the stuff but, still, if the guard had only to throw away a single rat, why put it in a bag and... oh wait, the gigantic rats? er... well I think the rat size gets justified so people doesn't have to aim with their mouse to double click on them in order to attack them and fail 24 out of 25 tries. :devil:
Nice way of solving the dispute at the end, by introducing other living beings in the story, not main nor secondary characters, but just population. It really adds to the impression of having a complete world, with people living their lives, while this stories we're focusing in go on.
Part 16 Grok Idon
Another part where you use a "known" NPC in the story.
Here we see how Arka dislikes to lie and if she does, is ashamed to do so. And she also recieves a potion from Grok. Item that she might use later on. I like that a lot. To use items others gave you, I mean. Otherwise it looks as if the char alone can do it all. With this, there's a certain feeling of cooperation, and the bounds are kept stronger. Obviously this applies when it's a PC character, but it's good you used Grok, anyway.
While the idea of justifying why Grok's there "catching the passerbys" for its business, there were some things that weren't much of my liking. It's not that I dislike it, but it feels as well, unnecessaryly getting into trouble. The assumption that Grok stays in that spot is a bit risky, as well as the feeling of loneliness. Sure, Grok does stand still there when in game, but I doubt that the real Grok does. In any case, if that's the main road between Hydlaa and Ojaveda, for sure it isn't as desert as sometimes it is in game. In fact, being them two important cities, the commerce between them has to be assumed of a certain level, and certainly not done mainly by two legged beings running the marathon with 100 items on their backs. It's an important commercial route, thus you can put there caravans and karts of all sorts. The road's dangerous, they say. Yes, it's true that there are NPC monsters here and there, and we might justify this because it's an important commercial route, and then they're there because there's where the money is. But, if that's true, it is equally true that there might be scourts for those caravans or karts. Well, I'm deviating a bit from the topic.
Back to the other argument you use. Lots of Ojaveda shops are empty. Yes, from a game perspective. Not in reality. This is really tricky to explain, but you've to imagine that the bakery does have a baker that goes there to sell the bread at certain times. This happens with all the other empty buildings you see. It would be stupid to put an NPC on every building, because then, there would be no space for players using the buildings without "assaulting" an NPC that is there. I must say, though, that this interpretation of the game in strict sense (seeing only what is implemented in it) has been also encouraged by the very NPC dialogues themselves, so this is a problem that comes from within the game itself even. Just to mention how the NPC justify the fact that you cannot go to other Ojaveda dsaars, because of different accidents that keep them closed. This justification, was put there thinking solely in the current game implementation, and, to my eyes, it was an error not yet corrected. This error, though, has motivated certain people to fall into that same mistake, and I think that doesn't enrich the world. I'm not saying that there might not have been an accident in those dsaars that forced to keep them closed for a while, but it's pretty obvious to me, that those dsaars cannot have been closed without a solution since Akkaio map has been put in game.
I recall I commented you something similar, along this lines, in the time you wrote your first book of Arka. I hope it's not only me the one that sees that not fitting completely.
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Part 17: The Message
Kehela recieves the message and tries to decrypt it (and so we all do when reading that ^^)
I commented you about the code and this chapter as soon as I read it, through PM. I'll then not remark in here the "grammar" mistake that the code has, and the little errors I pointed you in that message.
I'll try to concentrate more on the message itself. Sudisir wrote it while being jailed. He had nothing at hand, except a rat and his own clothing, and, with that, he composed the message. Even if Sudisir is an extraordinarily minded person, the code used isn't obvious, and has to take a lot of time to develop. At least, I did not saw such a code like that one (no I'm not an expert on coding, so no worries in there ^^) but still, it's complicated. The proof is that you commited that little mistake too, when giving us the numbers ;)
The idea of removing threads from the piece of clothing is clever, but it has a flaw. By doing that, you affect the structure of the clothing, making it softer. The piece of clothe isn't wide, and there was the risk that, by this method, once someone took it from inside the rat's mouth it could be just a couple of threads, and not a solid piece of clothing. The problem here is that you thought separatedly. You thought of Sudisir solely as a message maker (used then Sudisir's tools to make it) and of the rat as a carrier (using it merely as transport)
I've no idea on how to improve the idea you had, in the sense of counting threads between gaps to know the sequence of numbers, but somehow separating the numbers with those gaps seemed counterproductive to me. A thing has come to mind, though. The rat itself. He smashes it against the wall, crashing its head. Blood. I'm not saying that he could have written the numbers with the rat's blood, but, if we still want to mantain your method of counting lines between gaps... why not substitute the gaps by glued portions of clothing? The glue being the blood.
You then could choose to count threads from glued part to glued part, then the glued parts would be nothing more than pulled clothing, glued on the extreme. Or you could use those "hanging" glued parts as the carrier message, having the decypher to count the threads in those hanging parts only. I don't know if I'm making any sense. If I'm not, it's really not that important :)
The first letter appeared four times in the message. And the number 11 – that must be a vowel. No, not E… The third letter was there, three times. He shook his head. This was not the right approach. Find the key word and it would all fall into place. There was an interesting sequence of 11-17-16. Possibly a word end. Now that would make sense if you moved it two places up.
I've always been shocked at this. I do not understand the logic. I might appear as stupid now, but hey, that's how it feels.
If the first letter is 7... ? Number 11 a vowel ? How does he reach that conclusion? Because he has not yet discovered the "key word" and indeed, after decyphering 11 is vowel... :S The 3rd letter appears three times... well, the third is strictically again the number 7, but if we omit that one and think about number 5 then... 3 times? And the sequence of 11-17-16 being an end of a word... I wonder why. It indeed is, but... how does he know? I was amazed at this deductions, I failed to see how they were borned.
Another detail to mention... how does Sudisir get the information he puts in the message? Did he eavesdrop the guards? Gholmyrr says that the information will be known five minutes before the execution time IIRC (I might be wrong in that) but well even the secrest news spread in this city of Hydlaa.
I had a good time, though, trying to solve the code. And if I had been Kahari, Sudisir would have found in me a deaf one for his message ^^ Thanks to your hint, I understood what you meant with the hints that you give, right before the sequence of numbers, and was able to solve it. Yeah, had to be guided like a blind one to cross the street.
Part 18: Following
Here we've a small flashback that tells us how Zorbels had followed Arka out of curiousity.
It's a short chapter, and I would not like my comment to be larger than it. That would be pointless. I'll then say one thing I disliked and one thing I liked.
I disliked:
Arka rounded the stalagmite and for a moment Zorbels thought she was heading for the old ruins, but she took a sharp turn and started to climb the side of the broad valley. Zorbels was pretty sure there was no way through, but Arka seemed to know differently.
I might have a fixation with this, and perhaps I'm not being fully objective when saying this, and even maybe I got lost with the description and I'm not setting the action in the right places. Let's go step by step ^^
You use in game scenarios to settle the action, if possible. That's fine, it helps the reader to identify and recognize the place. Nothing wrong with that, in fact, they're places.
I think that Arka turns to left, from Grok. Left facing Akkaio direction. On old Ojaroad. Ok. So there are the ruins there, yes, and a valley just at its right. I think there's where Arka's heading to. If you went there in the game, there was a point where the map ended, right behind the little mountains of that valley, there was a plane zone, and then the void. I might be wrong but... hey did you actually say there was no way through because of that? I'm reluctant to think that, but, it's just what I thought. It seemed weird. Most certainly I'm wrong in my appreciation, but hey, I've to commit mistakes too. That's the fun of this.
What I liked:
That Zorbels loses Arka. It's a little detail, but shows humanity. In the sense of having real, believable characters. It's not that you've to do big things for that, but simply that fact of not being able to realize where Arka could have gone, shows realism. Later on in the story, I think Nikoren and Pinante? are able to track Arka, but it's good to show some flaws of the characters, and they don't have to be necessarily big to make them feel more real or close. Things like this one you used, or, let's say for instance, we've an enkidukai hiding behind high grass staring at a potential prey and then that grasss caresses the nostrils and... sneeze. The prey goes away. The enki wishes for a handkerchief (beggars powa! ^^) Things not very dramatic nor big, just tiny details, that make stories more real.
19: Suspicions
Hehe...
Good. In here I find somethings to remark.
The first one, we're explained how Sudisir knows about the date advancement. So you answered the question that arose in previous chapters, well done.
Also, we can see Finara... and... yes, she's presented to us as the inspector more focused on feelings, rather that on tangible proves. The couple of classic types of investigators is complete. I guess this means you've read some books on the matter, and I guess this shows you do know what you're dealing with, when you type on your keyboard :)
I liked also how you make things relate. The facts that go happening. Jefecra thinks that Arka might have run away because of being aware of Sudisir's execution being sooner, and panicking due to that. Fact is that Arka went home, to fulfill a "task" (we're revealed next chapter) and that is Finara, with her intuition, and seeing the things Arka carried, that suggested she might be facing home. That was a nice detail, although I don't recall any rogue presence in the village, even if Jefecra states now that it should be infested. I'll see later on if I recall right.
As a last think, we have again Finara, suspecting of "K", and we know that that suspicion (title of the chapter too) is solid. Not only for what we've read, but it's even increased when we're told about Kehela's past.
A nicely written chapter, and very cinematographic, I think everyone reading this could picture the scenes very well, and even imagined gestures and movements of the characters, that are missing explicitely in the writting, but that due to the immersion you achieved, I guess everyone applied on Jefecra and Finara.
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20: Home again
We jump to Arka now.
Arka entering the cellar with the light of the candle, resembles a lot those stories about abandoned villages, and certainly, it seems that Arka's one is. Oh... except the rogues... I recall it was supposed to be with rogues around... ^^ let's see...
In any case, one of the things is...
She had taken a candle from her pocket and lit it
I don't know, but I doubt she used matches. It would have been a good addition, to state how she did that. With fire pebbles perhaps? (If they're called that way) with an artifact she has? I don't know, it's a chance to add some flavour to the story, and the immersion. Because, otherwise, the story might have happened in Yliakum, or in a town of the present time. Try always to add something that puts the reader on place, if you've the chance. I mean, don't seek for it, but if you find a situation where this might apply, try to.
We then discovered why Arka left Hydlaa. The action is filled with symbolism, and the fact you wrote the stone in Stonebreakian it's a detail. It relates Arka personality and the work of her life (keeping that language alive) what I missed, though, and I told you in PM as soon as I read the chapter, was a translation. You made a note earlier, "to all of those learning Stonebreakian" and now, in here, while we know the core (it's a tribute to Arka's parents) we still miss what the stone actually has written. We've even the characters in Stonebreakian, thanks to your image, we've the transcription... but we might miss the meaning. Yeah, the dictionary's still on work, so I think it would have been nice the translation of it, or if you did not want to give the translation straight away, at least point to a "clue" on how to translate it (aka point to a website)
Arka town appears as abandoned... perhaps Jefecra was wrong.
21 Enquiries
Finara takes Rabartus, and starts to track Arka.
Finara knew Arka had stayed here before she first came to Hydlaa. That must mean her village was nearer to here than Hydlaa.
Should be there, in all cases, instaed of "here".
“Didn’t see no one else. It was quiet yesterday. Didn’t sell no sabres either. Could I interest you in one?”
;D :thumbup:
We jump to Zorbels.
Here, I might have a confusion due to not picturing the scenes correctly.
This is the second time that Zorbels goes through that passage, to search for Arka.
The first time, she looked around, and since she did not see Arka, then forgot about the task of searching for her, and went to Akkaio to spend the night.
Now, she finds traces of a road made by little stones, and that she follows to find the village. While it's true that that night Zorbels knew of the guards searching Arka, and that might have pushed her to find Arka with more will than before, fact is that the other day she was curious about where Arka was going to. Somehow, the fact that she missed the road the other day, but not today, should have been explained better. Perhaps mentioning that the first day she indeed saw that road, but did not follow it for whatever reason. I don't know, perhaps a lighting and she's scared of them?
Somehow this is what troubled me when reading this chapter, I might have confused myself, though, and perhaps the path she took now is different than the one she took before.
22 The Execution
This chapter has flavour. It recalls a lot the stories or movies that anyone might assign to Robin Hood, for example, I think it's one of the chapters that can reach the readers almost in the same way for all. The gibbet adds to that, as well as the crowd gathering to watch the execution happen. I think in "The pillars of the earth" there's a similar thing, so this easies the mental imagination of what happens in the whole chapter.
One more praise, and a slight complain too, and I'll have commented this chapter.
Praise:
How you used magic. As I said earlier, probably I'm absolutely out of the setting, with how I reached to modelate magic, so I've to praise you for having been able to make this chapter, and used the magic with the way the setting talks about. It was smart how you used the glyphs in here. It might have been of use if you had added the solution to the riddle: "Execution in twO days. Four PM. Use bird. Drop within V glyph. Sudisir" I don't know what the V meant, perhaps it referred to the 5th glyph, if the glyphs where put in order somewhere, like in a shelf those the message was addressed to had access? In any case, good work with the glyph usage, I never felt comfortable with the glyph only idea (glyphs being the only way to access magic) but well, it's not that this matters much now.
Little complain:
Nikoren.
Sometimes in a story, you (you is general you) add certain people that is not essential to the development of the plot, but is simply there to add life. To add the feeling of living a life, where not every day has to be extraordinary and filled with adventures. Problem is that Nikoren's a player. I observed you settled him in the action (he comes with Lordbug) but shortly after, he's forgotten (yeah, he'll be retaken when he joins Pinante in the search) something similar happens with Gholmyrr. Also, how the glyph reaches the bird's paw, is not clear. Does the diabolo throw it, then the bird catches it and drops it into Sudisir's mouth? Cause the diabolo helds the glyph, when the bird's already flying... it feels a bit of a halley-hoop of the NBA ;P so my suggestion would be the following. Focus a bit more on the diabolo, how he manages to make the glyph arrive to the bird's claws, and during that, using the diabolo to settle the rest of characters. That is, he looks around and sees Gholmyrr doing whatever... and sees that Nikoren is talking to whoever... that way, with not many lines more, we would have known how the glyph really goes from the diabolo to the bird, and those two characters would have not left "forgotten" :P
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Wow!
This is a really detailed critique Nilrem (did I tell you I was re-writing it?)
In my defense, I must say I was consciously keeping the narratve brief because of the medium (the web) and would expand on the descriptions in a paper - based version, but maybe that's my perception only. I will take your comments when I am re-writing specific chapters - some of the logic did get tangled here and there.
I am glad you like my characterisation - I like to put myself in the otber person's shoes and ask "How would I react to that?" so I am pleased it works.
So far what I am getting:
Paint more compelling pictures - more actions, little quirks, movements
Greater accuracy - ask how would the character do that in that setting
More attention to detail - be clear about how things hang together
This is all helping - many thanks my friend!
:D
Arka
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Thanks, Arka.
No, you did not tell. In any case, there's not a real need of rewritting it. It's already good as it is.
As for your defense... well, there's no attack ^^. I'm aware of what you say, and I've praised more than once your ability in this (the short story) style. Although, I wanted to point you certain things, that aren't essential many times, and that you could try adding, not in each chapter, but yes in a specific one, such as more detailed descriptions of gestures, expressions or char positions. I am not saying you'd write lenghty posts, just that you could put one chapter now and then, where you emphasize that.
It goes without saying, but I've no problem in writing this down. If I were to type the story you did, I would have done it way worse.
23: Help from a friend
Back to Zorbels. Yeah, she was following that path of stones...
And there, sitting by her fire was Arka. She was caught between wanting to make no noise, but not to startle her friend.
Ok, I think here there's a problem. In the use of "she". There's the risk, well, it dissipates as soon as you read the sentence, but, still, there's that risk of confusion, of assigning that she to Arka. You know, I imagine the scene of Arka by the fire... then you start with a she... I might very well be on Arka's place. Obviously the "she" refers to the debate Zorbels has in her mind, when she goes closer and closer to Arka.
When Zorbels tells Arka about leaving immediately, well, I think the scene is solved too quickly. There's only a little attempt of Arka to stay, suggesting the cellar... but well, it seems as if she decides to leave too quickly. Considering what she went to do (and yes, the work's complete) but, I don't know I would have expected a little bit more reluctancy from Arka, to leave the place. There's even a hiss from Zorbels, that might suggest that, in fact, that reluctancy existed, but it's not very clear. To me, at least.
The road this way was longer, but if they hurried, they would reach Akkaio by dawn(...)Zorbels knew someone who would hide them until this blew over.
I don't like how the "this" form sounds in here. I said that earlier too, and I think athose "this" should be "that". Since the story is told from 3rd perspective, it sounds a bit weird to use the term "this" for positioning things. Perhaps it's a matter of taste ^^
The seekers arrive an hour later. The ashes are still warm under the sand... but... err...
A light breeze sprang up and he stiffened
er... a light breeze carries the scent of those that departured an hour ago? Either they're not hurrying much on their run, or someone needs a soapy bath ^^
24 Searching
had drawn the short straw and had spent two hours in the sewers.
This intercalation of humour really helps in any reading. ;D
“Does she know how dangerous that place has become?” asked Gholmyrr.
Seems that this reafirms Jefecra impressions about the town. At least its fame was it to be infested, or rather dangerous, whereas we've been presented an abandoned town, more than an infested one. Perhaps there should have been signs of (past) massive agitation in the town. Footsteps here and there, some devastation and signs of thievery... even signs of a group having lived in there for some time (and not being the natural inhabitants of the village) something that justifies more why there's no danger present when Arka, Zorbels, Finara and Rabartus reach the town. Something else than just a weird coincidence, or luck. From the first arrival, to the last departure, there's very well a whole day of time.
25: A Gathering
This is an important chapter. Because we return to the plotters behind the scene, and we're revealed certain actions.
1) They're searching for Sudisir too.
2) That they discovered the spy, and killed him. Due to a too quick death, they weren't able to find out for whom he was working.
He had hoped that putting the body on show, in the pick up area, would have forced a response, but the guard had got there first. Then they had tried the message, but whoever had picked up had been so skilful they didn’t get a hint of where it went.
What is said about the message is correct. But, about the body... is still a bit confusing. They put him in a known place, and hoped for the ones that sent him, to go there and pick him, before the guards arrive? If I understood correctly, that was the attempt. It is certainly risky, since normally, the guards should arrive earlier than anyone else. But, in any case, how does this justify the erasing of any recognizeable marks from the body? How did that act help to their intentions? I do not see it. Perhaps you'd "release" a simplified version of the story, for the short minded :D (you've at least one reader subscribed in there ^^)
In any case, I wanted to comment one more thing regarding this. It is about failure of plans. It's good to find readings, where things fail. Plans fail. It's realistic. Justification of removal of the face and so, because of just being nervous at the krans having killed him too fast, and without really thinking deep into the actions, taking that decision, might be a perfectly assumed condition. Although it would shock a bit with the dexterity the parts were removed (that suggest some time was put into it). So what I say, is that in any reading, is good to add things that fail, or things that are not logical, just because the actors act with hurries and without real knowledge. It adds flavour too. If you use that, try to share the "mistakes" amongst the chars, there's the risk of presenting one of them as silly, if they all fall on the same one ^^. But certainly it's a possibility that you can explore, introducing failed actions, failed decisions, on the chars.
“Ah – Mr Krepplin. Your faith in our guard is reassuring, but misplaced I feel. They have not managed to capture him before. I hardly think they will manage it now.”
This sentence sounds great. Specially the first part. It's as if he was about to say something as: "The fastest thing those guards have catched in the last weeks, have been the ale jars slippering on the counters of the taverns"
On average, I have to say I liked this chapter. Specially the ambience and the characterization of "K", specially how he keeps the calm (at least towards the others sight) and keeps plotting and moving puppet cords. The image of having a large table, where all the ones occupying it are facing towards the top of it, like awaiting the words of a priest, or the city major in celebrations. It's classical the one that has the thinking mind, and the others are awaiting the next movement, once the things are not going perfectly as planned, and found themselves petrified, so they need kind of a "reset", just to hear the words of the "deity" telling them that everything will be alright, and what should they do next. Well done. :thumbup:
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26 The Prisoner
You'd have used paragraphs for this one ^^ even if just to easy the read.
He had distracted them – he had seen that with his own eyes.
While this sentence is strictly correct, and there's no confusion, I'm still reluctant to this forms. The first he refers to Lordbug, whereas the second one, to Jefecra. I'd suggest changing then, the second he, for Jefecra name.
I like the atmosphere created. It's somehow noir, and you feel the presence of Kehala above Jefecra, as if pushing him down to not see the truth, while Jefecra's on a loop, where his methods do not help him to get out from. Till:
Jefecra looked pensive. It was time to take a gamble.
till Jefecra moves from his spot, and tries the Finara's style. It would have been a good moment, to introduce her somehow. As if sucumbing to reality, and Jefecra then opened his mind to other considerations, and the intuition that Jefecra uses appears as the chance for him to solve the mistery.
The trick works and:
“You see, I knew about this all along,” he crooned, “I suggest now would be a good time to tell me what you know.”
A good moment to show Jefecra's surprise is lost. Seems as if Jefecra now is above all and controlling things again. If only for a moment, it would have been great to see him flicker too. Surprised that the attempt did indeed work, and surprised to be using other methods than his "own".
How he had become aware that the criminal business in Hydlaa was gradually being taken over by this group. How he had managed to get a man on the inside, how he was starting to get information out, how he had realised that they were going to rescue Sudisir. And, yes, the dead man was probably their spy.
Nice way you chose for the confession, where the "resistance" of Lordbug falls. It works much better this way, than having had an explicit conversation written. The recurrent use of the "how he..." form adds to that.
The chapters ends very nicely, included the answer that Lordbug uses, precisely taking into account how Jefecra makes investigation. That helps not only to define Lordbug as a character, but also to enforce the previously presented characteristics of Jefecra.
27: Hunting the hunter
There was a Bandit here who owed him a favour. He needed some weapons and a Glyph
yeah perhaps this is only me... but I keep saying this should be "there". :P Also, the "he" this time has more danger, as one could assign that to the bandit, and I think is Sudisir, the one's needing it. You don't have to use always the term "sudisir" you can change it by "the dermorian", "the elf", "the raged wizard" ... I don't know ^^
For a brief moment, he was silhouetted against the morning sky. It was just long enough to attract the attention of a pair of very sharp Menki eyes.
Good to see non perfect spells. The moment of weakness for this one seems elegantly chosen, to me. I don't see any absolute logic that might lead to everyone admitting this as a fact (the contrast of light, making it a bit visible) but well, I think that the effect works, and the image is nice.
Arka’s handiwork lay smashed on her parents’ grave
layed ^^
“Nice work, Pinante, but shouldn’t we get a move on?”
;D How right he is.
“If Arka thought it was worth risking her life for then we should make sure it wasn’t in vain.”
Somehow this doesn't at all fine. Perhaps "worth risking her life for this (the grave stone with the writing) "," then we should make..." (is it make sure, or be sure ???)
28: The net draws tighter
Rabartus was puzzled.
So are the readers.
We've gone from Lordbug and Jefecra, then Sudisir, then he being spotted by Nikoren and Pinante... who on earth is Rabartus? Ah! The other one searching for Arka. Teamed with Finara. Try to settle the reader ^^
The fact that Finara is "cheated" might sound a bit weird, but, I don't know if you made this intentionally, but seems that precisely because Finara's more intuitive, and tends to rely more on impulses, is why that "cheating" happened to her. Had she been Jefecra, and he would have asked for a prove, in order to leave the post. I don't know if this was casual, or intended. If it was intended, the subtility's nice.
There's a slight problem with Rabartus and Finara meeting immediately. One thinks that the first thing to ask would be "what are you doing here?" since Finara was meant to guard the door. With this, all the funny scene of the end collapses. So, the meeting should be prevented right from the start. How? Well, the simplest thing I'd say is, Finara doesn't know where Rabartus is. So she goes checking door after door on her own. The comments where Rabartus suspects about Zorbels might have been done as well, as he searches alone. Finds the scent of her all over the place (is Zorbels using some sort of parfum to fill all the air with her presence? Is Rabartus suggesting Zorbels should stay out on a rainy day for some time? Did they meet on previous adventures, and that's why Rabartus can distinguish Zorbels so accuratedly?) the suspicions arise, Zorbels is presented as an enigmatic character... all that can be done. Finara arrives. Rabartus turns, still the mind on Zorbels. "Zorbel's in the affair". Finara attention is lost for a moment. "What?". Thinks about the past. She was at the gate, Arka went away of Hydlaa, so did Zorbels after a while. Upon the mentioning of the gates, Rabartus notices that Finara's with him, and not at her post. Then asks... ok. All suits ^^
29: A cold trail
This chapter seems nicely written to me. If only a bit tricky to get in the part where Sudisir plans the ambush. I think that, in any case, the idea comes out nicely. He assumes Arka's on Akkaio, and trusts that Nikoren and Pinante might take her back to Hydlaa. He would be guarding the main road between Akkaio and Hydlaa, always facing Akkaio, to see them come to him.
I specially liked how you make Sudisir know that Arka's not in Ojaveda. Using Finara and Rabartus. It allows to also set the reader in action, because sees the parallel stories meeting in that point, so you can really fix the time where each story is taking place. It's good that those stories don't remain separated from start till the very end, but that also "cross" with each other.
30: The old path
Ok, we've Arka and Zorbels at front. Then Finara and Rabartus... followed by Sudisir... hehe the main road between Hydlaa and Ojaveda is filled with chasers!
Things I liked. The mentioning of Gronwin. I don't know for sure, but, knowing you, it might well be that Gronwin char did exist. It's nice how you introduce this, and I take that as a tribute to a player. It also helps to, then again, reinforce Arka personal traits, and also age related ones.
One more time, you use familiar landscapes, that help the readers to know the places you're talking to. Referring to that I've to say that what is described as the lake, would stand for the place where the Arena's meant to be (but since not loaded at all, it appears as a circular blue hole, giving the effect of the lake, similar to what you can see, or saw back in the time, from the windowless tower, when facing east hydlaa) in any case, this is not a mistake by itself. There are lakes in Yliakum, do you have to consider this a mistake, cause that place is where the Arena is and blabla? I don't think so. You're writing a story, you're perfectly able to create your landscape, and if there is a lake in there, then there is a lake in there. No worries.
He fingered he hilt of the short sword nervously. If only she was on her own
"the" hilt of a short sword... (kind of to avoid too many the)
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31: Empty handed
Nice chapter, I specially like the way you end it. ;D
Little things to remark, perhaps adding a bit more describing how Finara enters the room where Gholmyrr and Jefecra are. Was the door slightly opened so she was able to see who were in? Had she to knock? We know she was beckoned to enter, buf that is after she realizing who was inside the room. Perhaps a bit more about how she realizes would have been great.
The other thing, is Jefecra tendancy to speak grandiloquent. IIRC, this was not to be spotted on him on previous chapters, and he had quite time for speeches. In this one, we've two times where he does that, the first is used as an introduction to allow you to state he used to talk that way, and the second one follows, shortly after, as if to reafirm that the statement is true. "See how he does?" you seem to tell us ^^. But we have accumulated other readings where he is present and, at least me at this moment, I don't recall those traits on him that marked.
32: Too Late
Due to the personal disputes, there's a group that is loosing track. While Zorbels and Arka head towards the cliffs to enter Hydlaa, Finara and Rabartus already arrived the city and Sudisir is about to, Nikoren and Pinante are still on Akkaio. Settling myself ^^
I cannot find anything worth remarking as "wrong" with this chapter. I like that you chose to have a group that doesn't get along very well, even if its due to a punctual decision to take. Adds realism to the story to have confrontations of opinions and personalities. It's good to see how each other gives the faults to the other one. The scenario chosing for that to take place, their respective beds, appart, with none of them being able to sleep is great.
33. A dead end
I've to say it. That invisibility glyph is abused in this story ^^. He might be invisible but... isn't he making any sound? No, 'cause he's cautious, and an elf, you reply. Geez... but he's been jailed, has been running through the lands for days, chasing... that one must stink and be percieved from a mile away! :D
Well done with the tension in this chapter, there's sort of a fight between Arka and Zorbels fears. One wanting to go away from Sudisir, the other from the heights. Finally it seems that Arka's the one that pulls harder, and literally takes Zorbels with her down the path of the crags. I must confess the vocabulary used here surpasses me, too much use of dictionary, and in this chapter nothing happens, since I think the image comes across nicely, but, there's a future chapter that I recall picturing and not having any sense what I imagined. Don't you ever simplify those words, though, I'm just complaining that, when you know little words, there are no crags, cliffs or the like, it's all mountain. And with one word you define it all, and nothing.
Enough of this, though. I think it has a nice flavour of suspense, very movie like and also with a slight Arka touch, for instance when Zorbels dares to ask for the reason the guards are searching for Arka, now that she sees dead as a real possibility, there's not much to loose, and she wants to fill her curiousity.
34: Ambush
Ok.
Once Gholmyrr lets Jefecra know that the note is not correct for the second time, they decide to pretend it is, and go no matter what to the agreed place.
The good ones are setting an ambush to the bad ones. But Gholmyrr thinks he's alone.
In any case, with those kind of readings, the reader has to know who is who. We've Gholmyrr, that we put in the good side, we've the ynnwn, that goes to the bad side, the two krans that fall into the bad side immediately, since they face a good one... and they ressemble those awaiting hints outside the tower from Sudisir... but a thing that might confuse the reader, if only a bit is:
The Ynnwn started to run, but was tackled by Bevon and quickly overcome
Yeah, the ynnwn runs away, then Bevon appears... wait a minute. Who's Bevon? Considering the amount of time since he appeared, probably, readers don't recall who that one is. It might well be the mighty pet that the tv inspectors always have with them. But no, Bevon was the guard, in charge of Sudisir, when he was jailed in the tower. Somehow that should be hinted, I don't know adding... "the guard Bevon" or something like that.
Regarding the way Krans are attacked, I always had my concerns with that. Krans are rocky. Personally, I don't think an arrow's the best way to attack them. Even less if their two. I once elocubrated about ways of killing without weapons. Using magic to domain the water element, all organic beings could be killed, just by freezing an amount of the water proportion that constitute their bodies. Freezed from the inside, so to say. Krans do not obey that rule, though. They're rock. How to kill them? I used to think about deserts. Deserts are rock killers. Following that logic, a coordinated attack of mighty magicians, the first heating the kran, the second cooling it, might cause in the kran body, the same effect that the abrupt temperature changes cause to the rocks in the desert. Breaking into pieces. I did never had a killer char, but in any case, the one I had that would try to focus on magic, was not meant to learn the red way, he'd try to learn about the blue, though. I entertained myself thinking how to kill a kran with blue way only. If a crack on the kran body was to be found, and some water was avaiable nearby, it was a matter of putting liquid water into it, and make it freeze afterwards. The expansion would cause a bigger crack. Repeating the process, might lead to Kran's destruction. Tricky, indeed. But I've always considered Krans hard to beat. I don't know if this has changed by now, but, back in the time, there was few information about them. I always pictured Krans as not needing weapons, nor armour, for their particular consitution. It could also be a race pride, not to need those accessories. But that's just me perhaps, I won't yell at you if you make appear a kran equiped with a dagger.
“We need to… err… extract some information from this one,” said Jefecra indicating the Ynnwyn.
ynnwn :P
Gholmyrr waited in Jefecra’s office while Jefecra and Bevon interrogated the Yllian.
wait... wasn't it an ynnwn? ;)
One last thing, subtle. When Gholmyyr asks Lordbug if Jefecra told him about the just made arrest, Lordbug simply answers "No". With that, we've the picture that Jefecra went to Lordbug's jail (he was still arrested right? cause Gholmyrr's suposition had not been yet proved) and he was the one to open the door and let Lordbug out. Somehow, this gives me a feeling of smallness. Jefecra's the chief of the guards, if he's the one meant to go to open the door to incorrectly jailed beings, it feels as if the guard's are conformed by a couple of friends. Jefecra, as a chief, has a more urgent thing to attend to, interrogate the Ynnwn. So probably he had someone sent to where Lordbug is, to communicate him that is free, and that can go and meet Gholmyrr.
So, ok to Gholmyrr's question, perhaps he indeed assumed Jefecra went in person to free Lordbug (would have been a gesture) but when Lordbug answers, you could have tried him to tell that it was another one the one that communicated him the end of the enclosure. I don't know, I felt I had to tell you this, even if it's something that is not explicitly written in the text, but it was the feeling I got.
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35: A rock and a hard place
This chapter feels a bit Indiana Jones. Specially at its end, with the big rock falling through the cliff and destroying the path they had to take. So they've a hole in their way, and Sudisir on their back. Nice way of ending the chapter. :)
Fortunately, you describe very well Arka's decision, and Zorbels hesitation, or otherwise, reading this could have been tricky:
Zorbels looked at the crags below her feet. She could feel the panic rising in her.
“We have to go. Now.”
She bit her lip and nodded.
“Just keep close to the cliff face and don’t look down. I’ll go first.”
Arka moved onto the narrow ledge. “Come on.”
The one speaking is always Arka. But I don't know if someone might have assigned some of those sentences to Zorbels. Specially the first one. Perhaps you could have added "We've to go. Now" - hurried Arka, looking intently to Zorbels' eyes. Or you could have chose to offer a hand, instead of looking to the eyes. Perhaps I'm saying nonesense, and noone would ever have had such a confusion, but it's easy ensuring this does not happen, nonetheless.
Oh... and the chapter were I recall being lost, is just about to come ^^. Perhaps when rereading the blur I once had, is no longer.
36: Unexpected help
But... it's not Sudisir!! ;D
The boulder crashed into the ground and ran up against a high fence below. There was a loud boom and the sound of splintering wood. Sudisir looked up from the path below. He saw the two figures clinging to the rock face and immediately recognised Arka.
We all assumed it was Sudisir, since Arka seemed to recognize him a while back. Well done here placing a twist. (aka hitting readers on the face :woot: )
This was the chapter that I read, and caused me confusion... let's see this time.
Er... I think I failed again ^^
Let's see, perhaps I'm picturing this wrong.
There's a too few wide path that goes down the top of the "mountain" to below, where Hydlaa awaits. Said path, is, at one side the rock of the mountain itself, and at the other, a cliff.
A rock thrown from above, breaks the path, and produces a hole. A gap, that has to be sorted.
They consider climbing the rocky wall, till they reach the part where the road is there again, but there is nowhere to hold themselves on the rock. They discard it.
The path makes turns on its way, but, if they look below them, where the path is too, the distance is too large, and they don't want to risk jumping, nor "climbing down" the rock. They decide to "jump" the gap, sort of Indiana Jones style, with the whip. ^^
I think this is the situation.
Arka then is on Zorbels shoulders, to reach higher, and uses the hammer to set her chisel firmly into the rock. This chisel has a "rope" (made of cloak parts) attached to it.
Then she uses the rope, to jump, balance herself, and let her fall on the other side of the path.
Ok. Let's see.
Picturing the scene, where Zorbels holds Arka... Zorbels stands as close as she's able to the very edge, with Arka on her shoulders, but, anyway... how long would the chisel be, from the edge? Not in height, but in parallel distance from the edge. Not much, I think. Arka is on Zorbels shoulders... that distance could be like... what... Arka's arm? That's not much.
In order for the system to really help, the place where the chisel should be is as close to the center as possible. Understanding the center, as the middle point in the gap. And yes, high too. But distance from the edges, equalling one side, and the other. That way, the system would actually help.
As I pictured it, the gap has to be large enough as to discard a direct jump. That puts the actual chisel, really close to the edge. In other words, if I'm picturing the scene correctly, the rope system would not help much, if any.
I really don't know if I got that wrong or not, but, how I pictured is how I've tried to write it now, and somehow the system doesn't seem very solid to me. (Well, nor to Zorbels although she was able to pass :P) It's also possible that I got this right, and that in fact, what the chapter tries to transmit is that what they both needed is a bit of faith, and decision in the jump. Faith that was brought to them by that invention that, even not being really helpful (placebo) at least psycologicaly, since they thought it was a smart idea, and they both worked to make it come true, insuflated in each one of them enough bravety as to really attempt the jump, that not to long ago, seemed impossible for them.
Nice detail at the end, where Arka thinks about not leaving the rope there, in case the one above decides to follow. She really doesn't know if the fireball had had any effect, and it's a nice addition that you put in there that trait of Arka. Although, the system used, again, to free the rope doesn't seem very adecuate, unless it hides a subtle noir humour in it. Arka's pulling the rope in order to free it! ;D
It's as if the rope then, since she manages to get it that way, could have failed at any moment during both jumps. A most conservative option, would have been to simply cut it. Arka just used a knife a moment ago ;)
The ending of the chapter is fine, the landscape chosen, greeny grass in a lonely place, soft wind, no voices, transmits the calm that both chars feel once the descending is finished. They do deserve to sank in the grass pool.
37: A confession
er... after rereading this chapter, and seeing all I've written... I do think you've not been offended by any of my comments in here... o.O *swallows*
You try to deviate our attention to those psicotic guards, that enjoy making pain to the prisioners but... once the chapter's read... one wonders... were you actually trained for this? ^^
The labyrint for the animal, enlarging the mental torture... broken fingers... marked back thanks to a whip... salt on bloody cuts... rat chewing your belly...
Doesn't sound as if you had to search a lot for those torture methods... do you actually watch lots of noir movies, or read similar novels? Cause the atmosphere is there...
Oh wait.. did I mention whip again? Hey, I think I can just make a record, and put the name Indiana Jones, with some basement for it, in three consecutive topics. Amazing. There you have it. Impossible is nothing. *cash sound*
And... *realizes Arka's signature*
"knowledge seekers, we've come to teach" to teach... teach what? o.O *shivers*
;D
;P
The unnecessary comment of the day:
Jefecra was satisfied that he had all has going to get.
I think this should be: "that he had all he was going to get" in order to make some sense (at least to me).
If not... add that to the things you could "teach" me ^^
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38: Missing
In this chapter mainly I miss some hints for the readers.
Perhaps today's not my day but... I was wondering, what was the reason that made Zorbels and Arka return to Hydlaa?
It was mentioned too long time ago, you'd try to refresh central ideas once in a while, to not loose the focus of your story. Because you've a story to tell, and very well planned. :)
Examples of places where to refresh readers memory:
When Arka is so insistant on going to the University, seeking for Lordbug. Zorbels and her are still recovering from the adrenaline raising that the closeness of "Sudisir" (it really wasn't him) caused to them. It would have been a good moment to put a justification. Why Arka wants to see Lordbug, and agrees to leave Zorbels there, even if knowing there's potential danger? Probably it's because Lordbug already helped her (Arka) in the first encounter with Sudisir. Since they think Sudisir's after them, it might be a good idea to have on your side those that helped you to defeat him the first time.
This way you'd add a reason for Arka leaving Zorbels for that period of time, an objective to be reached with her visit to the University.
At the end of the chapter, there's something that doesn't fit. It's only one or two words away from fitting, to be honest. I'm referring to Arka sleeping. When Arka returns to the grassy zone, where Zorbels theoretically was hiding, and awaiting for her return, Zorbel's gone. Arka knows that she would not leave like that, and awaits for her some time. Once that's over, she assumes that something bad has happened to Zorbels, either way, there would have been a sign in there, to calm her down, and inform about the situation. In other words, Arka cannot feel calm. Even if she returns to the University, a beloved place to her, and her own bed, so long since she last slept in there... you just needed to add, that she felt asleep out of the tiredness. Cause as you picture it, she removes the sheets, gets into the bed, puts the sheets back... seems too much a natural way of sleeping, as if nothing happened. But Arka's surely wary, Zorbel's missing! So probably, she opened the room door, closed her eyes and sighed, seeing again her "home" and falls exhausted on the bed, where she gets asleep in almost no time.
39: Loose ends
A setting up chapter. Nice timing, where we see both sides planning their respective plans.
In the first part, I liked the detail of Jefecra having a camp bed, behind a furniture, since he usually spent the nights inside his office, immersed as he always is in his investigations.
The number of beings to make the final assault to the seven seems a bit short to me. Yes, the idea is taking them by surprise, but, still... they're 15 anonymus persons, plus Rabartus, Finara and Jefecra, and also Gholmyrr and Lordbug. 20 against 7?
And they don't even know if those that are named the "seven" will be alone or not. Seems that the Hydlaa guards need more advertizing on the streets, in order to recruit people ^^
Who was K? Where was Sudisir? Was Arka safe? What was Zorbels’ role in all this?
Here you use Jefecra's doubts to enlight the reader. Thanks for doing that, as this way, everyone remembers what the misteries not yet solved are.
There's a switch now for Sudisir. We're told how he captured Zorbels. Invisibility glyph once again. Geez... that glyph must be really worn out. The image of Zorbels being pulled on the Hydlaa streets is funny, imagine someone might have spotted that, Sudisir might have had a good time playing the puppet.
Those cellars... hey those cellars are really crowded, aren't they? IIRC, previously in the story, either Sudisir or some of his mates where hiding down below too. Not to mention that Arka also hides in the cellar when reaching her town. Mmmm... first place to explore from now on to every Yliakum detective out there. Cellars. :detective:
40: A meeting of equals
There was a trail of scorched grass between here and the cliff edge
I keep saying that, for me, it sounds better using "there" instead of "here". :-[
“It’s a long story.”
“I have time. You can tell me.”
;D
There's no much to say in here. Just praise the gesture that you've towards other players, incorporating them into your stories, and, in this case, providing a link for your readers to check the background story of one of the chars that has an intervention in this, your 2nd "book".
This mixing of lives, with chars, is what creates community feeling, and helps to improve to all the parts that are playing the story. Congratulations on having achieved that, even with your "literary concessions" ;)
There's, although, one little thing. It's regarding Sudisir. Personally, I don't see why he goes to the crags, to try to find the elf. I don't see why that interest on him, specially when he has Zorbels already, and seems his in disposition of commanding the events towards where he wants. Truth is that some help would be always welcome, but he does not go there with the aim of getting help from another, he just fired him some hours ago, and all because Sudisir wants to be the one killing Arka, and no other.
Perhaps that, explaining why Sudisir decides to go to find the elf, what he expects to do (surely not what he ends finding) is what is a bit unclear in this chapter. Other than that... no comments. It's great reading (even rereading) and I'm starting to see that I'll someday end with this, which is a relieving feeling, I've to add :)
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41: The Muster
This chapter has lots of tiny details of your humour. I love that you put that into your writings, it makes them more entertaining to read, even.
Gholmyrr rubbed his eyes and yawned, as Jefecra appeared carrying three steaming bowls on a tray.
Gholmyrr just saw Jefecra with one of those black skirts with that white thingy on the lap of Jefecra. And Jefecra is still a he. And that he, is still the boss of all the guard of Hydlaa. ^^
I like how the chapter starts, in a lazy way, almost in another dimension. A nice morning, tea, sleep... a high contrast with the past chapters, and also a nice preparation for the tension that follows shortly after, where we're pressented all the "army" ready to strike. That contrast of situations was smartly chosen.
There will be more than seven there,
As I said before... yes, that's predictable. But... there's no change. They stick with the 20. It's weird that they take that risk, in an assault, not to entirely be sure that they overcome in number the ones assaulted. True, they've the surprise factor on their side, but still...
“Now men,” began Jefecra. Finara pulled a face.
;D Now that's Arka trademark from now on. ^^
Now, disperse and make your way to the rendezvous(...)Once you arrive at the meeting place, make yourselves inconspicuous. The meeting will have started by then but there will doubtless be various look-outs.
Now this is the Jefecra we've been presented to, in pure state. Such a particular way of encouraging his men. "rendezvous" "inconspicuous" I do wonder how he managed not to spit when saying this last word. Jefecra indeed likes to talk in a pompous way. Poor soldiers. I am wondering... if a sword hit Jefecra... he would not shout "AAGGHHH!!!" but try to say something more poetic, right? ^^ (yeah... I'm being a bit cheater in here, and also slightly evil, since I know what will happen next... The advantadge of rereading the chapters... but I'll try to take again this comment, if I recall it, when its time arrives. :P)
The last conversation between Gholmyrr and Lordbug is one of those that show they're friends; at the same time, it's also light enough as to transmit the inner tension that they both have, but none of them wants to show off.
In that sense, the last sentence you put is great:
But he was clearly worried. And although he didn’t show it, so was Gholmyrr.
42: Searching
So far, the only thing in this chapter that might be up to some discussion, is Arka determination to try each and every place of Hydlaa, to try to find Zorbels. Considering that Hydlaa's a big city, this method of simple force, try each building one by one, doesn't seem the most effective. Truth is that Arka's desperate, and that wants to do something, to try something, in case the bell rings.
In any case, at the beginning of this chapter, Arka, after the initial disorientation, is strook by the fact that Zorbels is missing. This comes to reafirm my comment, that she can't have had a pleasant sleep, but more an sleep product of extenuation. If it had been for her, she would have started the search the night before.
One of the things to remark, is how you live the situation. I don't know if that takes you much thinking, but, in any case, in this chapter there's a detail that was pleasant to see.
I'm referring to the hood. Indeed, a logical step for Arka to take, is to try not to be recognized. Guards are following her, but she still doesn't know why. Better to avoid them. Using the hood and the cape, is a normal decision.
What is not that usual to see, is that you, as a writer, consider not only the advantages (which is what usually only happens) but also the disadvantages that decision carries:
With the hood over her head, Arka didn’t hear the light footsteps that followed.
To this, I can only say: :thumbup:
43: Seven minus one
Ok.
Let's see if I got this right.
Goods are 20.
Bads are at least, 7.
We're told that the building has only one side that has no entrance, and that each entrance has 2 guards in it. 6 guards in total, outside the building.
Bads are now, at least 13. Mmm... this is starting to sound dangerous.
Fortunately there's almighty Rabartus in there. Solid Snake plus Sam Fisher, with a bit of Ethan Hunt. That guy really throws the daggers accurately. Nice detail on hiding the corpse, even if the other guard does not ever see it, but just shows cautiousness, and talks of experience.
So once Rabartus makes his minute of glory, we've goods 20, bads at least 11. That seems a bit more fair.
Jefecra then comes with Finara, plus Gholmyrr and Lordbug. Rabartus and his companions will take care of the guards outside the house, while the rest enters inside the building.
Let's see. Each leader had, under its commandment, 5 soldiers. This makes a total of 6 good, against 4 bad in the outside. Sounds fair. Specially seeing how Rabartus has managed till now.
In the inside, we've then 14 good, against, at least 7. Perfect, this is double. Did you actually plan it that way? :P
Well done with the details of the whistle and the courtain, that add to that feeling of sudden intrusion that all the ones at the table surely have. Nice twist when they all realize that Kehela's the one behind it all. Jefecra is hit, he doesn't say any pumpous sentence though ^^, and Kehela dissapears. Invisibility glyph again? :S
Good how when exiting, the population has gathered to see what was going on. This eavesdropping thing is so common.
Even if Jefecra's wounded, the feeling that one has after reading this is that, despite the grandiloquence of the speech Jefecra made the day before, things weren't that big. It was really not that dangerous, nor that hard to capture those. Which, I've to say, sometimes it's good this way, cause they were meeting, theoretically without anyone knowing it, and it's not as if they had an army going with them as to yell "Hey! We're here!" so well done not having to necessarily recreate an epic battle to capture the bad one (even if in this case is not captured)
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There's, although, one little thing. It's regarding Sudisir. Personally, I don't see why he goes to the crags, to try to find the elf. I don't see why that interest on him, specially when he has Zorbels already, and seems his in disposition of commanding the events towards where he wants. Truth is that some help would be always welcome, but he does not go there with the aim of getting help from another, he just fired him some hours ago, and all because Sudisir wants to be the one killing Arka, and no other.
Perhaps that, explaining why Sudisir decides to go to find the elf, what he expects to do (surely not what he ends finding) is what is a bit unclear in this chapter. Other than that... no comments. It's great reading (even rereading) and I'm starting to see that I'll someday end with this, which is a relieving feeling, I've to add :)
My feeling about Sudisir is that he sees himself as superior to those around him - he is an ancient Elf - not as Arka mistakes him for, an ordinary inhabitant of Yliakum (and this is revealed later). He shows his arrogance in the contempt he shows the Seven after his rescue by pursuing his own agenda - in fact he was using the Seven, just as he used others (in Story1). He is also obsessed with killing Arka - almost pathologically obsessed. The last thing he wants is someone else beating him to it - that would be humiliating. So, he is curious about what happened to the other elf - did his fireball finish him off? He wants to make sure - and (here's the arrogance again) he wants to see if the other Elf is a threat. So he sets off to look for him, probably intending to kill him. When he hears the story, he realises he can use this elf to his own ends (and this will resurface in a future tale)
One way I could have conveyed this is for Sudisir, sitting in the darkness of the cellar having one of his 'inner conversations':
Sudisir's pride was hurt. Who WAS that elf at the top of the crags? What was he doing there? And, most importantly, why was he interested in Arka? The fireball should have put paid to him; it was powerful enough. But the doubt was beginning to gnaw at him. If the elf had survived, would he try to get to Arka again?
Sudisir wrestled with this as he tried to sleep. He had the Fenki now; it was a matter of time before he had Arka too. So what if the elf had survived? He would realise that he had met his match in Sudisir and would keep away. But it was a loose end. And Sudisir hated loose ends. He had nearly reached his goal; he could not risk it all now. He would climb the crags just to check his spell had hit its mark. He knew he would find the elf's body and that would be the end of it. No risks, no problem. Then he could get the sleep he needed. Sudisir made a brief check on the unconsious Zorbels, made sure the door was secure, then headed up the steps out of the cellars.
How's that?
(And thanks for all the comments - I am learning a lot from this)
Arka :D
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How's that?
I think it's certainly a nice addition to comprehend better the twisted mind that Sudisir has.
As I mentioned, the idea that Sudisir wants to be the only one killing Arka, and letting no other do that in his place is correctly understood, but your addition is wonderful. Once you've real characters created, you can expand your story as long as you really want to, since they're solid and have distinct personalities. Your boredom marks the limit, no story is ever complete, in the sense of exhausting writer ideas. They simply stop writing them, cause they're fed up, or ended bored with it. That, as long as the chars are well created, and there's actually something to be told. You've both things :)
Oh. Thanks for your words too. It's good that you say you're learning something, although this is not a masterclass nor anything. I'm just sharing my thoughts as a reader of your stories, with the aim of being of use, of course, otherwise I would not be writing all this, but it's certainly comforting to know that this all has some use for you. Perhaps also for others having read your stories, at least the intention is that you're not the only one taking some profit of this, that being the case, all this would be better put in PM. I want to think, though, that some of my thoughts are shared by other readers, perhaps if they decide to make a little story one day, they can take profit of this amount of lines of comments. That's the intention.
44: The black dagger
“Looking for your friend?”
Just... great start. It's not that the char is shocked, it's that we are shocked. The sudden change of situation, from Jefecra, wounded, being carried home, to this yet unknown place were we are now, makes the reader feel the same as Arka. It's an abrupt start, right to the point, hit.
Stupid comment of the day: She must tell Lordbug.
should be "had to tell" I think.
Arka suspects about that being a trap. And she's right. On chapters to come, you reveal how she undoubtfully realizes that all that is a trap. And it's a nice planned way to do so. But, in this case, Sardit is the one delivering the message. It is not only that Arka might be reluctant towards Sardit, because she never met him before, and now appears as holding information from Zorbels, and even one of her daggers as a proof of "trust". That reluctancy from Arka towards Sardit, is clear in the writing.
But there's also reluctancy on the other way around. That is, Sardit does hate dwarves. So, it is not as if he approached any other race, which he could do in a neutral way, pretending a casual meeting, or even being a Zorbels's friend. In this case, Sardit has also reluctancy to talk to Arka. Even if the objective is to kill her, if Sardit really hates dwarves that much, it might be also a problem for him to even address to them. That is, somehow, Sardit has to hold himself, hide his real feelings, when talking to Arka.
And that could have been spotted by Arka too, in form of the way he looked at her, or the way he replied, using cutting answers. Later you could have easied the feeling, stating that Arka thought "oh well, perhaps he was shy" or something on the lines. But it would have been interesting to try to transmit to the reader all that inner fight.
Arka fighting with herself to belief what Sardit was saying, in her aim to find Zorbels, and Sardit fighting with himself, with his rage towards dwarves, trying to represent the role he was assigned to by Sudisir.
45: A difficult journey
Thanks for returning us to Nikoren and Pinante.
It was long since we had the chance to know what they were doing. Apparently, not much has changed.
They're still angry at each other, having lost both Arka and Sudisir. I mentioned earlier that, those discussion, those conflicts between partners of the same team, add to the realism of the writing.
“True, although pedantic is the word I would choose.”
“Obsessive.”
They both laughed. There was nothing like having fun at someone else’s expense to make people forget their differences.
This is a very tender part. It immediately creates a bound between the readers and both chars, not only for the "beauty" of their "reconciliation", but above all, for the extremely human feeling that it transmits. Having fun at someone else's expense makes people forget their differences. This really feels close, and is real. Helps a lot to humanize the characters, and make them feel close.
We switch to Lordbug and Gholmyrr.
Another stupid comment:“Ahh! It’s good to be home. Hello! What’s this?”
I've seen this written more than once, in other english texts. Everytime, I smile. I know it's stupid to do so, cause it's correct, but, somehow, for me it's funny to see "hello!" used in that context, as I've always seen it for greeting to people. I just had to say it. ^^
This doesn’t make sense. Zorbels would never climb the tower. At least, not willingly
There. :)
I could try to repeat myself, and say that in this part with Gholmyrr and Lordbug some gestures are missing, such as in here:
“What’s Zorbels doing with her?
“I’ve no idea.”
Surely Lordbug is turning towards Gholmyrr, while still holding the letter... but well, that would be repeating myself, and not adding anything new at all.
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46: A tricky climb
“Don’t look down,” she said to herself. Then it struck her. There was no way Zorbels, with her fear of heights would willingly climb this tower.
Very well connected how Arka realizes that, indeed, a trap has been set on her.
Spurred on by the thought of her friend at the mercy of that fiend, Sudisir, she ran up the stairs.
I don't know how much of a literary word fiend is, but I'll assume it is. Nice play with words in here, friend for Zorbels, fiend for Sudisir. :thumbup:
This whole chapter happens inside the tower. It's an incredible exercise of description, and a great one, specially since it helps a lot to recall the inside of the windowless tower. You tend to use a lot places or buildings that are in game, to help the identification with the reader and the world.
I've to say that, at the beginning of the story, I thought that the tower you were referring to, was the windowless tower. I'm referring to the place where the guards were, and Sudisir was kept, and where the krans went to search in the garbage. Obviously, when reaching this chapter, the idea is thrown to the basketcase. It's been always a weird building, that tower.
While its height can be justified as some kind of place to serve as observation of the lands around Hydlaa city, its weird that it does not have windows (that weirdity is what earned it a name amongst the population) and also, by its look, it seems the same material as the Laanx Temple. Its spiky forms, seem to talk about a common origin, built by the Xachas I assume. It would certainly be nice to know the story behind the tower.
But that's not essential for this story of yours. Here you describe the inside of the tower, and, certainly, it might be as weird as the outside.
It always seemed out of place to me, when I had the chance of visiting it, or even attempt to climb it. This feeling is even stronger when I see your written words.
It's just an abandoned tower. Plain and simple. It shows such a decaiment, such a passed time feeling that it's hard to believe that the tower is inside a city. It's not lost in the lands, but inside the biggest city of all Yliakum. And its inside is in ruins. The hangings on the walls, half destroyed... the stair, that should be all made out of solid rock, has lots of parts with wooden bridges, or even wooden common stairs. You also remark the lack of "safety" measures, absence of handrail.
I'm not blaming your description, I mean, the tower you describe is exactly like that in the game. I'm just voicing my feelings about the weirdity of the construction itself.
In fact, I remember when I went "climbing" it, that it was repetitive and boring, somehow climbing with the help of your words is more entertaining. Congratulations.
As a sidenote, there's, almost at the end, a moment where Arka almost falls to the void, due to the poor state of a wood bridge. How that system might exist inside a building is something beyond my understanding but, in any case, if I recall correctly, more or less at that height there was a bug, that caused you to fall all your way down, unless you jumped. Arka has to jump to advance in that spot. That's certainly a subtle wink for all the players, and it has also that bit of humour that you use that often. It's certainly Arka style.
And Arka bites her tongue accidentaly... now that hurts. :flowers:
47: Sudisir
Nice how Arka realizes that, despite she is armed, the tower configuration makes her unable to use them. In that sense, weapons seem, more than ever, a heavy weight for ther to carry, rather than any help.
She emerged, blinking into the light to see Zorbels
This is another example where you show how you put yourself in situation. Most (I include myself) would have not stopped on that detail. The character just gets out and let's go to the action. But no, indeed if the inner side of the tower, windowless, is so dark, the light contrast should be noticeable. It's the afternoon. So well done there, it shows that you care and think about details.
“You can let Zorbels go, Sudisir. This is just between you and me.”
;D
but so classical. Too much, in fact. It's not that is bad, but I think you could have come with something different.
If only she could keep him talking long enough for Lordbug to get here…
aahhh... why all "evil" have that desire to make the speech?
Probably because they're so bad, so bad, noone ever listens to them, and, since they've been preparing those plans for such a long time, it's such a pity that noone else in the world really can realize how perfect and thought that plan is. ^^
Comments:
Here we see more Sudisir personality. His feeling of superiority, the way he talks and addresses others, the sarcasm aiming to hurt.
I still miss some gestures, but they don't need to be very detailed, the focus has to be on Arka and Sudisir exchanging of sentences, but just only that seems a bit poor. Perhaps some remark about an smile from Sudisir, or a frown from Arka would be nice. Mmmm forget it, perhaps the rythm would be lost.
48: A history lesson
Indeed, a history lesson.
Nice additions with the names you have in there:
Erengabord. Aoelfrae. Nibin-Noeg. Rodfrakem. Perrakithor.
One of the dangers that using "invented" or "other language" words in a writing, is that you might end up loosing the reader. While it might be an addition of showing another culture (with its own language) a too dense, or lenghty talk, might lose the reader, since there's no way he/she knows the language.
Doing it with localized words, here and there, allows us to not get lost.
I guess this is with salt on cooking. It has to be on its right measure, otherwise its distateful.
In this chapter, pretty much anyone can imagine (if not explicitly stated in the reading) what each of those words stands for. Which is good.
It's nice that you added some background to Sudisir, and that twist you try to make, when Sudisir and Arka common past histories don't seem to have coincidences (and they should have) and Arka invites him to discover the "truth" together.
It's also interesting that you make those two talk, and both are very experienced, in the sense of age, that particular touch that, a childhood offense for them, becomes a history fact for other races, since for them (those other races) few generations passed between that chapter and the present time.
To all of this... where's Sardit?
PS:
She knew she had to take action now or she would die here
I still think... yeah. There. ^^
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49: A lucky meeting
Mmm... Nikoren and Pinante casually meet Lordbug and Gholmyrr that are on their way to the tower.
Pinante teleports them four, spending all his mana in the process.
Now...
Let's rewind.
Weren't Pinante and Nikoren trying to follow Sudisir, that was after Arka? Furthermore, don't they decide that Sudisir heads to Arka's town, where Pinante had been in the past, and decide that there is where Arka was?
If that's the case... why Pinante did not teleport himself to Arka town, in the first place, so he could warn that Sudisir was following her, or even try to protect Arka himself?
The only explanation not to teleport, would be that Pinante doesn't know the town, but, iirc, he states that he knows it, since he was there before.
Also, there's a fight between Nikoren and Pinante, later in the story, so they definitely want to reach Arka.
Just what came to mind when reading the use of the "spell". :)
What follows later, comes to sustain my sentences. The design of the tower is weird. Slippery surface. :P
For a moment, they stared at each other, before Arka slipped, pulling Sudisr heavily onto his front.
This is the sentence I don't understand much.
Sudisir is almost falling off the tower, is on the floor, but half of his body is already outside of it, facing the abyss. Arka is full out ouf the tower, not falling because she's holding herself on Sudisir wrists. Sudisir fights with the extra weight, and moves frentically his legs, trying to find somewhere to hold them. Then your sentence comes.
Arka slips. If she's holding Sudisir wrists, slipping from there only would lead to hold herself on Sudisir hands. Which won't be very wise, cause Sudisir would have it easier to free himself of her. Perhaps you meant slip for the feet? That Arka tries to find somewhere to put her feet on, but since the tower is so vertical and polished, there's no holding possible? I assumed this last possibility, and that due to Arka leg movements trying to desperately find a place to hold herself (besides Sudisir's wrists) is what caused Sudisir to slip even more to the edge.
“Let go, Lordbug,” called Arka, “better we both perish.”
;D
This, for the movie :P
It was rather like wrestling a snake, he thought.
Nice comparison you found there. It indeed has to feel like this.
At some point she would have to let go of his wrists
I think this should be "off" :-X
Then, everything seemed to happen at once. At the moment Arka let go, Sudisir kicked Gholmyrr, breaking his nose. Blood streamed out and Gholmyyr lost his grip. Lordbug was still holding Arka’s arms, her boots scrabbling for a foothold. Sudisir jumped to his feet and held up the Red Glyph.
“No!” shouted Nikoren and Zorbels, both running towards the elf.
Nice way of ending the chapter. The snake finally frees himself.
The problem here is that two persons tried to do all the work. Pinante is exhausted, ok. But you've Zorbels and Nikoren only looking.
I'm not saying that they should have been there, pulling from Sudisir altogheter... but, at least they could have thought. Instead, they equiped their weapons. Somehow, the image looks unrealistic. You've two partners, one pulling from Sudisir legs up, the other awaiting to be able to reach Arka, to help her be up the tower again. The other two, are looking at the scene, with weapons equiped. Awaiting what? A fight? It kind of seems not fitting.
But what, for me, is less fitting in here is that, all the whole problem resides on not being able to hold Sudisir. There's a problem with holding his legs, that Gholmyrr has to try to handle himself alone, and another problem with his wrists. Apparently, if he has the wrists not able to move freely, he won't be able to cast any spell (if I understood correctly your writing. Then again, it's not a thing I'd roleplay that way myself... but neither the glyphs as only source of magic so... :P each one has its views ^^) well... all this, then, is a matter of holding.
So where's the problem? Wasn't Zorbels held, just a moment ago, with a rope? Why noone uses the rope, to solve the issue? Specially Zorbels should be aware of that, since she has been tied during quite some time already, and the idea could have gone through her mind more easily than for the others.
Possible explanation. Nikoren had so much hurry to free her, that cut the rope with a sword, and the resulting pieces were too short. This might be a bit forced, but might justify it. But, then again, Zorbels might have warned him not to cut the rope, to be able to use it with Sudisir.
If Arka would have not freed Zorbels's mouth before, there could have been a nice show in here. Nikoren approaches, and sees Zorbels gesturing desperately, shaking her head. He takes that as her wishing to be freed of the ties, so cuts the rope, so badly that the resulting pieces are not very long. Once Zorbels has hands free, she takes out the cloth from her mouth and shouts to Nikoren about his action aborting any chance to use the rope with Sudisir.
I know what you're thinking. It's funny that I'm saying this, when I don't plan what I write. You're right. But it's nice to see those things, when they're already done :P I really cannot blame you for not planning all the story. I don't do it either. :-[
Before I end this report... I think I was wrong with the thing about Sudisir. He must be able to cast spells, even if he has her wrists hold. Wasn't he able to cast the invisibility glyph that was thrown to his mouth from the bird, when he was going to be executed? I think he had wrists tied in there, at least the feet I recall having. Well, I don't know... that was long ago ^^
:@#\ Lenghty post again... :'(
:-X
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50: Disappearing Act
Balloons.
It's shocking. In two ways. The first one, since it was not expected (which is good). The second one, because it goes out of the line of the story (this is not as good :P).
While it's certain that you add those humouristic moments in all your writings, this seems a bit out of place, because it's a decisive action. If all the story was meant to be in a funny direction, then this would have not shocked as much, somehow, you've to reread twice, because you don't believe that they're really balloons.
But it's ok. It's accepted, balloons. Problem is that, as I mentioned to you on earlier posts, I don't like magic being used like this. It's a matter of personal taste, I guess, and probably affected by my unexperience in this kind of games, or even literature. For me, even if its called magic, still has certain laws. Creating balloons out of nowhere, covering the top of the tower doesn't seem to follow that logic of laws.
I recall I once did a writing that was meant to be funny. There was an evil magician that was about to kill the "hero" but forgot about the spell. So he had to take out a book and check for the right words to say (you know how incredibly hard to say are those spell words in the movies) while he was doing that, the "hero" attacked with his sword, and managed to cut the wizard's belt. The wizard then looked down, seeing how his pants started to fall, and then the hero moved the sword again to cut the evil's head. Well. It was just all a stupidity.
Somehow, for me, magic is something more. It's not a matter of popping rabits from hats and that stuff. I'm also dissapointed when I see how magic is normally used in the game (or was, to be strict, since I cannot check the actual state of things) even in supposedly serious ways. The way the healings are done, for instance, its just not of my liking. You cast and you heal. Kind of simplistic. It does not only lower the level of the harm done to the char, but it also lowers the level of magic; magic as a concept. Well, I'm deviating from the topic, this is not to be talked in here, but it's fair that you know that my reluctancies towards that magic have its origins not solely on what you write. It's something that comes from a deeper past, in the game.
I guess each one has its own views. And I've to admit that the way of solving the situation is original, and unexpected. I'm not entirely sure how the balloons manage to deviate the flame burst, but well, just imagining the scene is funny enough as to not wonder too much.
Arka looked over the edge expecting to see his broken body on the stone pavement below. There was no sign of him.
(...)
It was true; the body had disappeared.
That's perfect. Sudisir had the gentleness of using once again the invisibility glyph, so we were not meant to see all his body pieces splashed against the rocky floor. You've avoided the censors of the RIAA, you still hold the "To all publics" rating for your "2nd book" :D
It's interesting to see how you leave some misteries, such as the carry those elves have.
People can wonder if Sudisir survived, or would be "resurrected" if the corpse was brought to some powerful magician in the right time.
There's also the open way of Sardit.
Also, you go facing paths, in case you wanted to make another story. Arka's determination to find about the language and history of her kind. The aim to know the truth, even if for that the vision of Sudisir might be needed. That role of collecting history might even be more increased now that Arka's the director of the KS.
There's, although, one thing you forget about, when we reach the happy ending with the partners at the bottom of the tower. Well, besides Zorbels being exhausted and dizzy, there's no mention to others. Slightly for Pinante, that has again teleported, this time only one (Zorbels) so he's again exhausted too. But what about the others? Yeah, seems that Lordbug had nothing grave up there, nor Arka besides of the frightening of almost falling from the top of the tower... Nikoren... well he is not mentioned, does not seem he had went through many torments anyway up there. But, Gholmyrr? Geez, that one has his nose broken and probably bleeding and there's no mention about that :D
You forgot about that nose? ;)
Well done at the end of the chapter, relaxing things, making view to the reader also, that the end is near (the end of the story) and that the action, the climax, is left behind. The feeling of things calming down is achieved by the mention of Zorbels sleeping, and Arka trying to focus on writing the story she just lived. That kind of transmits the feeling of peace.
Even if Arka's not fully calm, and decides to go out and have some fresh air, while she still fights with her thoughts.
-
Wow!
What can I say? Once again you have amazed me with your insights - for which I thank you deeply.
In these last few posts you have piucked up on some of the dilemmas I had when writing this ending - I did struggle with how Sudisir would be defeated in the end - the struggle on the edge of the tower was the most difficult to 'choreograph' as it were. My thinking about the Glyph was that you had to had skin contact with it to make it work. The invisibility glyph was in his mouth when he escaped the execution - ergo the Red glyph had to be in his hand, ratther than his pocket.
The ballons ending maybe was a little too comical,but it linked the scene, which was very tense, with Arka's birthday which was joyful (but got tense later). Also it's a kind of release after the threat. At this point Pinante had very little mana - not enough for a counter spell and certainly not enough to teleport everyone off the tower. What could he do? He thought quickly and used the only spell he could with so little mana. It was desparate and probably wouldn't work, just maybe confuse Sudisir - distract him - but it actually worked! The balloons held enough residual power to deflect the flame burst slightly and their combined effect was astonishing - a fluke maybe - but these things happen sometimes.
The ending?
Yes I want to leave a little mystery for the third part of the trilogy, which I am researching now. This I think will be a litle different from the other two - and Arka will play less of a role. But it is a tale waiting to be told....
Arka :D
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As I mentioned, Arka, this is all a matter of each one personal view. Your position about how a glyph has to be used, deserves my respect. I think it's good, although, that you put that idea publicly, since that way readers know what "your rules" are.
Because, as far as I recall, there's no deep explanation of this, in the setting. Pretty much everyone has its vision about magic, and glyphs in particular. Explaining that, for you, the usage of the glyph needs necessarily skin contact with the caster, helps to explain some situations that occur during the whole reading.
As for the way Sudisir is "defeated". Sure, Pinante had few mana, and got no chances to make a big spell. I'm not saying that he should have done one. I just say, that it causes a twist, not only by being an unexpected thing to happen, but also because it's a twist on the storyline that has been kept for the previous 49 chapters. A "serious" one. I just say that it looks a bit out of place. I admitted, too, that this view might be affected by my personal reluctancies towards the common way magic was (is?) played in the game.
As I said, the ending is original, and I'm not going to deny you that fact.
Good to know that you plan about a third story. I hope to be able to read it, eventually.
With this post, I put the end:
51: Epilogue
The ending's very beautiful, with all the group gathered, and on celebration.
It is good, too, how Arka shares her worries, and how the others, with their experience make her see that the one shooting the fireball was not Sudisir.
It's good also how you dispatch this "low point" making a twist, with Lordbug appearance with the good news.
“They’ve found Kehelar, and he’s confessed.”
I think it was "Kehela" not sure though.
“Better still, there’s a reward. He spilled the contents of his leather money pouch on the table. “There’s enough here for the new wing.”
should be “Better still, there’s a reward." He spilled the contents of his leather money pouch on the table. “There’s enough here for the new wing.”
Either way it seems as if the reward was coming from Kehela's hands and not by the guards for helping to jail the "seven".
There are some lack of expliciting who is talking at some moments too:
“Pinante and I were following you.”
“And we might have found you, if Nikoren hadn’t taken us on a wild goose chase.”
“That’s not fair!”
Although it's clear enough that the reply comes from Pinante, arising again the dispute, so no confusion is caused.
I only missed a bit some talk quota for Zorbels. Is the only character that remains silent during the epilogue. I'm not sure if this goes with the personality of the char, if it's the case, then perfect. It might as well be, that you did that on purpose, precisely to remark even more that last moment, with which the story ends, of visual contact between Arka and her, where, without words, is transmitted a feeling of bound.
An emotive ending. A nice story. You wrote something worth to be read. Thanks for all.
:thumbup: