PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Single Author Stories => Topic started by: Kixie on June 12, 2006, 02:49:10 am
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PREFACE: FOURTH EPOCH
Laanx was meditating intensely in front of the portal when its surface trembled for the first time. He watched a creature slowly rising from the portal. This creature was emaciated and translucent like a ghost, but seemed to solidify progressively. It seemed to suffer for passing through the portal, and it didn't seem to have noticed Laanx.
The being was bent by a spasm when it noticed the red-dressed person, hidden in the shadow, that was observing it. It stayed motionless, without stopping to scan the god, and it didn't seem frightened.
Laanx spoke, showing completely his true essence. - I'm Laanx - she said - and I'm your god.-
The creature gazed resentfully and silently, and then sat on a rock with its chin in its hands.
Seeing that the creature refused to follow his orders, Laanx became enraged and destroyed the creature by whispering a single word.
During the following days, many other Klyros passed through the portal. Each time, Laanx tried to impose his will. Many of them were corrupted, tempted in many ways, or were destroyed or tortured, but none of them yielded to the god's will. It seemed their pride did not allow them to bend to any god. Laanx saw inside them a splinter of the delirium that had taken possession of him and, even though he hated them for their indifference, he did not utterly destroy their race. Before leaving them to their destiny, he taught them the way to Ylakium, sure that they would create some troubles to Talad, whom he now considered an enemy.
THE KLYROS TALE
FIRST EPOCH: THE AGES OF HIBERNATION
I: THE TIME OF DARK AND THE DIRGE OF BLEEDING
And so the people were to be known as the proud race. Unlike the Diaboli, these people bent to no god not out of choice, but of creation. After Laanx had met them with a cold hand, the men and women fled to the great Stone Labyrinths, to find a place suitable for their needs. The Stone Labyrinths were all but bare, and but the survivors of the proud race found in those tunnels a place of solace.
While in the depths of the dark Stone Labyrinth the Klyros were met with many peril. While Laanx had left them alive, and spared many, he was still vengeful of their disobedience. Within these tunnels there came an age of terror and persecution that the proud race then named, "The Age of Dark" In these ages, the Klyros were met by many of the Xacha's blade. While these men knew nothing of the Klyros in particular, they were summoned forth by Laanx and told to scorn the beasts with no remorse. For many years this age of suffering dragged on. Many Klyros fell to the furious whips of Laanx, but many prospered despite of His best efforts.
The proud race decided that it was time to gather themselves, as they were weak as individuals, but strong as a group. The Klyros counsel met within the Stone Labyrinth, calling with their great lungs a pitch that pierced even the soul of Laanx herself. This was a song of suffering, and pain. With this note, they called the remaining Klyros in what would be called from then on in their native tongue "Esca-La Feesao", or "The Dirge of Deep Bleeding".
Laanx looked once more through the eyes of one her avatar, and it swept into the confines which the Klyros banded together. When she finally found the rogue band of Klyros, The lunar god thought on His next action for many months, finally coming to a conclusion. His own cold heart had been shaken by the great song. For the last time, He spared the proud race.
After the last of the Klyros swept in from the depths of the Stone Labyrinth, many were frightful of Laanx's vengeful hand. He however sent word from a lone Xacha, who red upon the airs of His great hands. The Klyros stood ready to defend themselves, but the ghostly figure uttered one word, "Live."
II: THE TIME OF POWER AND THE TIME OF PREPERATION
And so the Klyros came into, "The Time of Power". It was at this time that they lie in the tunnels without persecution. However, they knew quickly that they could not be sustained forever within the depths of the Stone Labyrinth. They lived for many years, and while they did not meet the hand of Laanx, they suffered the same as before. Without war, they bred quickly. However, there was not food amongst them.
This age lasted for many years, and some Klyros grew resentful. They were free, but not happy. All the same, the proud race asked for not a single grain from Laanx. They were happier to die in the dark depths of the Stone Labyrinth alone, than to ask from her hand which had scorned them so long ago.
"The Time of Power" came to represent not the physical power of the Klyros, but instead the strengthening of the people's spirit. Ceremonies were practiced to perfected, and a sense of communion grew in the race of people. Where before the Klyros had been separate and weak, the proud race had now grown strong together in the Stone Labyrinths.
They truly enjoyed being free. However, they did yearn within to grow, to prosper and live as a happy people. They were not oppressed by a God, but now were oppressed by His confinement. Truly imprisoned, some of the Klyros became restless and wished to move on. However, they could not move on yet. Klyros were now physically weak, and their bodies were brittle and inflexible while confined in the Stone Labyrinth. Once nimble, their ways had now devolved to sluggish movement, reserved only for food.
So the great sages of the Klyros after many years did decide on their next plan of action. They would not ask for help from the God, but they would not stay to suffer. The sages meditated for many months until a decision was made. The proud race trained their people for many years afterwards, in the largest of caves. The Lemur had claimed these lands by the water long ago, but they were not as cruel as their Xacha counterparts. The Lemur tolerated the presence of Klyros on their lands, and watched in their bizarre rituals. Laanx was caught unawares by the Klyros, and when He learned of their movement, she brought another Xacha disciple to confront these people.
-Why do you insult me by returning to these lands? I have spared you for the last time, proud race. What be your business? Explain yourselves quickly, or I will command your death with a swifter air than thou.
The Klyros told a lie to Him, and with expedience of their plans to move. They told Laanx that their people had grown weak, and without space they could not grow strong enough to move on any further.
Laanx spoke again with the coldest masculine voice He could muster
-Fools! I turn a blind eye to your existence and this is how you repay me? You will suffer now, proud race!
And with that, Laanx chased the Klyros but was soon caught unawares of their agility. She had expected them to be very weak, but under training the Klyros had developed a swift air with their wings. Despite their great dexterity, many were killed, and only 11 escaped with their lives.
It was then that they returned to the great counsel to tell of the latest developments. The counsel once more went into meditation, and returned with word much shorter than before. It was then that the Counsel revealed their plans in full to the Klyros people, and they spoke in one voice alone to the community:
-Our blood has been spilt. We have withered away in these dark depths for many ages, and now we are ready to move on. Laanx has heard of our plans to move on, and our lack of physical strength to persist on. Therefore, we will take what we cannot earn. In seven cycles, we will gather the swiftest of our men, and we will descend the great depths once more against His will, and we will gather the greatest of energy from His grasp.
III: THE WAR OF LAANX AND THE DISABANDMENT
With that, the community was torn asunder. Where they had once been united, they were now split, and there was instant disagreement with the next action of the Counsel. For many days there was debates among the wisest.
It was then, on the sixth cycle one group alone congregated from the fringes of the Klyros people. These men and women disagreed with the movement, and decided to run deeper into the depths of the Stone Labyrinth. They were a small minority, but a prominent one forever remembered as "The Disbandment"
After these people had left the ancient tunnels of the Klyros with shame, the Counsel gathered the strongest and fastest men to collect the energy of Laanx. These men would be known as "The runners". When the men took this action, Laanx of course became angered as never before. His fury flowed for the Klyros, and he vowed revenge on them.
The Klyros swept closer and closer to the prize they sought after; the power of their beginning. Only after they had gathered the power of their creation, would they find peace in the future. The fastest of the Klyros men, numbering in the thousands, swept into the great halls of Laanx and did battle with His followers. After many days of fighting, only the 11 Klyros who escaped Laanx's fury before remained. But, despite the slaying of the proud race, many Lemurs also fell, as did the Xacha; for the Klyros fought for their survival, not their faith.
Those 11 Klyros made it where none since them had ventured again. Upon gazing on the shimmering portal, they then took action immediately. With bags they had brought from the tunnels, cut from the hides of the strongest of creatures, they gathered the mercury. It was with these containers of ancient power they planned to gather strength.
From five bags each, the runners made their way back to the counsel. Upon the way, they were met with the final trial of their disobedience. Laanx himself stood within the great chamber, in full majesty, shifted into the greatest of her power. He stood as the air itself; the very element the Klyros relied.
With their great wings, together they beat the strongest currents ever seen. With the power of the mercury portal, they were strengthened tenfold each. The winds created were enormous, and they beat Laanx back into the Stone Labyrinths, not to be seen ever again while they dwelled in His domain. And so the runners returned and made their way to the Counsel. And so, there was rejoicing for many days. This rejoicing lasted for many cycles, and while they celebrated Laanx continued to brood, planning revenge upon those who had shamed him so greatly.
IV: THE HARVESTINGAND THE SENTINAL
Power harvested from those magical skins brought a golden age to the proud race which lasted far longer than any previously or since seen. It was in these many ages that the Klyros dwelled within the caverns, now guarded by their mercury enhanced strength. This age of prosperity and creation was known as "The harvesting".
Having stolen the power of Vodul himself, the proud race could now create an empire. But, as was evidenced by the falling of the great Xacha, there was little to harvest from the Stone Labyrinth. Having once again being brought together by this great power, the counsel decided that it was finally time to move on. They had lived some time after defeating Laanx, and stealing his great mercury power. But, here they could not continue on.
There, a new time began with the building of heated sentries. The ground before them, they found, could be manipulated by an element which they had domain over: fire. With their great wings, they felt safe to control the heart of even the most dangerous of pyre. Therefore, a great sentry was built to protect the proud race. It was crafted from 5 elements. Coal, Iron, Mythril, Mercury, and Granite. Inside was placed a single flask of the mercury they had gathered from Laanx's portal. It was with this flask they commanded to burn with the element of Fire, and this soul burnt with an incredible heat never before seen.
And so, a great pilgrimage was set, and the Klyros now moved deeper in the caverns than they had ever attempted. They met many beasts, as had been predicted. Foul creatures, borne from the powers of Vodul himself so long ago. Creatures who had lived within those dank tunnels for ages incomprehensible by common race. These creatures were no match for the sentinel, however. With the great light of sentinel, the Klyros made their way through the tunnels, slowly but steadily.
Then, the Klyros made their way closer and closer to a magic which they had not sensed for many years. A power which dwelled within their own protecting sentry. One day the sentry spoke, for he felt the power as well. He spoke softly, and kindly to the Klyros, but his conviction was stern:
-My mothers, my fathers, and my creators, there is something which dwells ahead which I can no longer stand silent on.
The Klyros did not respond for many months, and while their sentry spoke, they held their tongues. They were not aware of what lie ahead, but they were sure there must be something as great as the power Laanx had held. It was purely speculation, and the proud race did not feel it was time to acknowledge any power besides that of which they, and the Masked Lunar God held. Again, the Sentry spoke:
-My mothers, my fathers, and my creators, there is something which dwells ahead which I can no longer stand silent on. Will you not answer?
Again the Klyros were silent. It was then, a year and 3 months until they finally grew as close as the sentry would stand.
-My mothers, my fathers, and my creators, there is something which dwells ahead which I can no longer stand silent on. I will not move another step, for the power is so great I feel I will be destroyed. You must go on without me, and here I will remain and persevere within these tunnels of ebon pitch. You will see me not for many ages. This is how it must be, and how it will be from the days on from such.
The Klyros counsel spoke to the sentry, and spoke as if to a young child.
-No, my son, you will follow. While we are dependent of your protection, we still hold dominion over thee. You shall follow us into these unknown lands, for we cannot be sure of those who dwell in these lands.
It was then that the sentry sat, in disobedience as the proud race had done so long ago, with it's hands cradling it's face. The Klyros became angry, and held counsel once more. They could move on to the lands, but with that they would risk being destroyed by whatever powers resided in this unknown lands. Besides the power they detected in this unknown realm, they also feared their own sentry being raped and corrupted by the Masked God.
And so, the 11 original runners scaled the great sentry, and beat their wings upon the Fiery soul of the sentry. It was after they had done this that the sentry beat his fist into the air, and captured 4 of runners in his grasp. Instantly destroyed, the Klyros fled with fear into the realm of Ylakium. The sentry which had protected them for so long, was now a persecutor all the same. Fueled by betrayal, the sentry now wished to destroy the proud race which had grown lazy with the power of Laanx portal.
Preface Material of:
Copyright © 2001-2005 Atomic Blue Corporation
All rights reserved.
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SECOND EPOCH: THE AGES OF AWAKENING
V: THE END OF THE GREAT PILGRIMAGE
The Klyros swept out of the Stone Labyrinths, full of fear from the wrath they could not contain. Being chased by two evils, they knew not which dwelled in lands of Ylakium. However, this was a doom which was inevitable, and now inescapable. Talad had sensed them for many years since their great battle with Laanx. Taking heed from the lesson learned by his influence on the Diaboli, he took a silence to the presence of the proud race in the great stalactite.
It was when they first gazed up at the great azure crystal, that the Klyros knew they had finally reached home. This was the end of the Dark Ages of Hibernation. and the beginning of a new existence in the realm of Ylakium.
On the first levels of Ylakium, many had already farmed and cultivated the land. Having set up fields and fences throughout the land, the Ylians held control of the first level with a militaristic reign. And so, the Klyros continued their migration, being persecuted on the way, and occasionally fighting off the blades of the Ylian fighters. As they made their way past the second level, they met with the feline Endukai.
Here, for having fought the Ylians off bravely, the Endukai hoped to befriend the Klyros people for allies. However, the proud race haughtily disagreed to any terms, and they wished to have a land of their own. And so, they made their way to the edge of the second level. With a great opening of their wings, and guidance from many of their mercury flask they sailed down to the lowest bowels of Ylakium. They sailed past the rings of Dermorian encampment, and even swept past the many Diaboli and Dwarven settlements. They stopped for none, and continued until they were far as possible from the influence of the great azure crystal.
It was not long until they finally saw the great sea that lie at the bottom quarter of great Ylakium. The sea that had for so long dripped into the very lake which gave Laanx His power, and fed his Lemur people. It was on the shores of the water known as Eklato Bay that they finally rested. It was here on these jagged cliffs that the first generation of Ylakium dwelling Klyros ushered in a new age of prosperity.
VI: THE BATTLE OF THE COLOSSUS
And so it began with an cataclysmic crash. It's proportions had not been seen since the days of Laanx and Talad. All of Ylakium shook violently, and Talad was awoken from his slumber, when a single deafening thunder beat from the bottom of the great stalactite. A wall of water rose against the rocky containment. When the water finally leveled, the great sentinel of fire stood up to it's thighs in the sea of Ylakium. Steam rose and filled the entire stalactite, and the Klyros beat their wings together to dissipate the heated air. Many Klyros were thrown against the rocky walls, but as they rose from the water, battered and bruised they began to help the other Klyros disperse the steam.
It was when the curtain was finally lifted that they could gaze upon the fiery sentinel in his full glory. He stood silently, and while he stood to his waist in the great sea with steam still rising from his body, he was not put out. There was not a single element that seemed could control the colossus.
-My creators, you have betrayed me. Now I have come to break you as you hoped you would break me. Humble servant no more, I will take you back to the realm of Laanx piece by piece.
The colossus then dragged a single hand across the cliffs where the Klyros fanned the air apart. Many fell from their perch, but then sailed with their great wings, and circled around the giant sentinel's head. Attempting to quell the fires with the air from their wings. The colossus stumbled, batting at the number of Klyros which pestered it. Finally after heating the entire sea into a great cloud of steam which overtook the higher levels of the Great Stalactite, the creature stumbled and fell, deepening the sea of Ylakium. It was after he had swept the sides of the stalactite for a second time, that great and mighty Talad stood before the colossus.
Talad's curls beat in the wind, and the band on his bicep shuddered as his rose his hands into the air, commanding the beast to placidity.
-Great construct, calm your burning soul! You dwell in the realm of the Azure Crystal, and it's power reigns supreme! You have disrupted my kingdom, and it will not go unpunished. End this disorder, or I will break you.
With this, the fiery colossus took a hand to Talad, who stood only twice as large as the Klyros. However, he reached above him with the arm adorned in gold chain, and stopped the arm as if it were light as the cloud which hung above them. Talad then rose on a single bridge of light, which led to the constructs heart. With a fist glowing sapphire as the crystal which hung over head, Talad delved his hand into the fiery soul of the colossus.
The ancient sentinel then fell to the ground, on it's knees, and both of it's hands fell into the great cliffs creating the Astuto and Eptar lakes. As it rose, it's knees molded the beach into the Inuarion and Ergain rivers. It stood silent for a moment, then shook wildly. The fiery heart, born of Laanx portal so long ago, was shattered into five pieces. The giant being then separated into five, just as it's heart had been broken.
Coal, Iron, Mythril, Mercury, and Granite just as it had been born. These pieces then became of their own entity, yet the fire within it's soul still raged as ardently as before. Talad rose to the heavens, and multiplied his height and being many times over, until he towered over each of the former sentinels. The sentinels then formed into five shapes, the same figure of it's former self. This time they clutched onto Talad's fire red skin, yet he stood as strongly as before. With a brush of his great hand, he threw Mythril and Iron to the ground.
As they hit the bay with tremendous echos, the followed through, shattering each into the very earth until they lie still. The three remaining sentinels remained on his ruby skin, heating themselves to a smoldering heat that even faltered Talad himself. Talad slammed onto his great back, pushing granite into the ground until he formed a crater which is now known as the great Diriadion lake.
It was then that Talad gathered the last of the colossus, Mercury and Coal. With a crushing clap, his hands emerged with a mercury covered jewel. Now that the colossus was no more, he pushed this great power into the depths of the bay, where it sits until this day. Talad then shifted to his true form, and rose into the air to gather the cloud of mist which hung over Ylakium. However, as he did this Mythril who was yet to be completely extinguished tore from his hand a large boulder, and heaved the rock towards Talad. The rock was stilled before it met Talad even half way, and an echo from his commanding voice expelled the monster with finality.
The rock which floated remains as the Levian Island, which hangs high above the sea. Talad rose to this great rock and spoke before the proud race.
-And now you live in peace great people. You have fought Laanx, His disciples and even stolen from His power. You have earned my respect proud race, now live her in peace while it lasts. Laanx has extended His hand into even these realms, and soon prophets will scourge the land telling of His great power. You will not be safe for long, but I will extend all the power I can. I ask not of your hearts, nor of your sacrifice. I only ask that you dwell here in peace, within the realms of Ylakium, and deny Laanx as you have before.
And with that, Talad returned to his true form inside the Azure crystal, and cooled the realm. It rained for many months, during which the Klyros celebrated with ritualistic dancing. They had found their promised land within Ylakium, and for the time being they were truly contented as never before.
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Good Work, really good work \\o// I haven't come around to read it cause i'm on duty for the next 18 days but i'll be sure to once I have the time. So far it's looking good and if this copy's as good as the one you sent me yesterday then I love it already.
Let's see what the other have to say about it, you wont really need the luck though ;)
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Wow! That was really good writing! I can't say that I read through everything but I read atleast a bit :whistling: but the part that I read was very good.
You're an completely amazing writer.
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kixie, that is just amazing :D very good story.
no doubt that would be a worthy story to become "oficial" :flowers:
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Excellent story, Kixie! It is without doubt acceptable as an official storyline for the Klyros. I wish you to join us next time if we're doing another project like this.
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Baldur, you're already planning on making a next project while we're not even halfway trough this? :)
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I always plan ahead ;D
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Nice story, Kixie. Very epic and pathetic. And very bloody. But, as for me, i would prefer a story wich will affect existing Yliakim world/history as less as possible. I talking about:
"...All of Ylakium shook violently, and Talad was awoken from his slumber, when a single deafening thunder beat from the bottom of the great stalactite..."
"...Steam rose and filled the entire stalactite..."
"...Finally after heating the entire sea into a great cloud of steam which overtook the higher levels of the Great Stalactite..." and other Tale events.
Also, if i properly understand you, your klyros learned how to fly in Yliakim gravitation's conditions: "...then sailed with their great wings, and circled around the giant sentinel's head. Attempting to quell the fires with the air from their wings..." - i think this is the weakest part of story - just try to blow on bonfire --> it will flame up with superior force. Also, nobody from team (imho) will aprove klyros flight ability. Correct me if i'm wrong.
As i predicted, our Klyros City outgrow into Holy Capital of Klyros Nation (with this Tale). I'm against enduing this City with superior features, and give it an super-important role in Klyros history. By the same token, Talad (Luca Pancallo) remind me that we already have Klyros Capital in Yliakim Setting, and i assure you - this City will be more original and extraordinary even then our City.
Misc questions:
-Why klyros horde must passes through the all levels of Yliakim - can they appeared on 3d or 4th level?
-How many klyroses are in this horde? If they were about thousand, i don't understand this episode: "...As they made their way past the second level, they met with the feline Endukai. Here, for having fought the Ylians off bravely, the Endukai hoped to befriend the Klyros people for allies... "
-Can you explain me the "mercury" substance? If this is an magic spirit energy, why you treated it like a soup or potatoes wich you could gathered in jar or sack and make a dish for dinner? It looks like comix story...
This was my comments, Kixie. I hope, you will be tolerable for my critique. As for me, i always prefer to hear what is wrong in my works then to hear rapturous recalls and nothing all. Because this makes my mind works. Are you agree?
Anyway, as i sad in the beginning - it's a Very epic and pathetic story. Also, i like very much this episode:
"...It was then that the sentry sat, in disobedience as the proud race had done so long ago, with it's hands cradling it's face..." Very delicate note. ;D
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All that I said in the overview document about Inca was true, again great feedback! I hate it when you're right(Yes, I've been dissed by this guy many times too) ::)
I still think it's a great story!
/me huggles quotes for his bare life
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First let me say Kixie, you have an awesome talent; I applaud your skill and your dedication to creating a fantastic Epic history of our beloved Klyro. \\o// \\o//
I can only imagine the difficulties involved in creating such a detailed history without interfering with the set history of Yliakim. If you can adjust your story to the critiques of Inca, I believe it will be readily accepted as the “Official History of the Klyros Nation”.
I understand this will not be an easy undertaking. I do however believe you will rise to the occasion, and create equally Epic events without infringing on known history. :thumbup:
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1.) Also, if i properly understand you, your klyros learned how to fly in Yliakim gravitation's conditions: "...then sailed with their great wings, and circled around the giant sentinel's head. Attempting to quell the fires with the air from their wings..." - i think this is the weakest part of story - just try to blow on bonfire --> it will flame up with superior force. Also, nobody from team (imho) will aprove klyros flight ability. Correct me if i'm wrong.
2.) As i predicted, our Klyros City outgrow into Holy Capital of Klyros Nation (with this Tale). I'm against enduing this City with superior features, and give it an super-important role in Klyros history. By the same token, Talad (Luca Pancallo) remind me that we already have Klyros Capital in Yliakim Setting, and i assure you - this City will be more original and extraordinary even then our City.
3.) -Why klyros horde must passes through the all levels of Yliakim - can they appeared on 3d or 4th level?
4.) -How many klyroses are in this horde? If they were about thousand, i don't understand this episode: "...As they made their way past the second level, they met with thefeline Endukai. Here, for having fought the Ylians off bravely, the Endukai hoped to befriend the Klyros people for allies... "
5.)-Can you explain me the "mercury" substance? If this is an magic spirit energy, why you treated it like a soup or potatoes wich you could gathered in jar or sack and make a dish for dinner? It looks like comix story...
Critique?! It's nice to have evidence that someone really paid close attention and read through all the details, so I take it as compliment higher than any other form! :3 I will seperate your post into five sections and deal with them accordingly:
1.) The Klyros never "learned" to fly. Before they were granted the powers of the mercury, they could only sail as the Klyros we see today can. The mercury from Laanx's portal was stolen so they could fly, and therefore travel faster throughout the Stone Labyrinths. This would allow them to sustain minimal casualties from the wild beasts which lurked through the Labyrinths, which would take a group of pathetic klyros' as an easy meal.
1.b.) The Klyros after stealing the mercury became very arogant and cocky; they believed themselves to be so powerful that they could overcome even the flame within their colossus with air from their wings. They were of course wrong, and only made it stronger as you said.
EDIT: It is infered, therefore, that the klyros we know today do not possess any of the powers of mercury. The bags were lost many years ago, so their power remains uncharted.
2.) I'm sure Talad had a capitol city which he had in mind, which is of course more fantastical and amazing than any of us can comprehend at this point. However, we did not have knowlege of this beforehand. We have had no clues towards the implied progress, which is why after these years of waiting we have finally decided to post some lore, historical information, and general klyrosian culture so that the race is enriched. Without this enrichment, the creatures are pale and one sided. With this, I think the main objective all of us wished to achieve was to flesh out the Klyros as a people, and make them more enjoyable to roleplay.
I respect Luca's authority, and I never meant this city to be "The capitol". By that, I mean that our city is not in any major objectory placement. As far as I know, they can both still exist in harmony. The city described by my story is very old. As we know, capitols move. Often. The city we describe now may one day end up in the world of Planeshift as just another ruin.
3.) The reason I wanted the klyros to dwell on the bottom was for many reasons. The major one being that the only large body of water exists there (to the common player's knowlege). The second being that the Klyros throughout this entire story only wanted a single thing. Peace. Peace from a god, peace in extistance, a peace free of all other creatures. In my story, it is implied that the lower levels, being inhabited for a short time at this point, were close to empty. Therefore, the klyros took the very lower point as the logical place to create a civilization. Keep in mind that the lower point is the farthest place from the Azure crystal (the very representation of Talad's influence). As "the Proud Race", they don't enjoy the influence of higher powers and authoritives. The lower portion of Ylakium was a logical place to go. Plus it made for a cool soaring pilgrimage, which none of the other races could have accomplished :P
4.) In the hundreds of thousands. I took the vague representation of their meetings with Endukai and other races with good reason. I wanted it to be as if this was not one occurance, but many. As they made their way down passed the second ring, they met many encampments. It was at this point they became discouraged. First they had been attacked by the Ylians, then they were being exploited by the rivaling Endukai. The Proud Race became sick of these silly scrimages, so they took flight down the Stalactite.
5.) The mercury substance is the portal itself. In the preface the portal found by laanx is described as, "...after seeking the portal, he found himself in front of a liquid surface similar to a mirror that radiated blue light: an irregular and rippling mercury bubble, thin and vertical, surrounded by a powerful aura of magic...".
It is kept in bags, as mercury is a liquid. I'm sure Talad may contact me soon, or some other developer, to inform me that the substance is not actually mercury. But, as I have said before, we don't know much. It's all I could go off, so I played it safe and stayed true to the description in the History. I used all material from what is publicly known to make judgement, and make the best story of my ability.
All in all, I think I did a decent job. I enjoyed writing it immensely, and it was a nice challenge. The world of planeshift is fuzzy at this point, and it's really no one's fault. The developers are working on the technical aspects of the game right now. Because of this, some of the other points of the game are very flat in detail. This can't really be avoided in this kind of game. I took many liberties with this project, and I'm glad that I stepped over the line. I made something from my own hands, with little taken from the original content. Because of this, I am perfectly aware that perhaps none of my story will ever be relevant in the Planeshift universe.
It is sad that my spawn; my child; my work may never be accurate or a genuine peice of the Planeshift universe, but I took that risk when I undertook the peice. If none of it makes it, I will not feel regret in any sense. I had a ton of fun working on this, and the feedback I received was priceless in itself. I relished every compliment, and I am appriciative of any critique I get; be it from a common user, or a developer.
Thank you everyone, for the comments so far. I am indebted greatly.
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You go guy!
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i know ive spoken too much already :-[
but i like it so much :P, and the story can allways be polished to fit within the main theme, and the purpose of our project.
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Kixie, i hope it wasn't your final word in this thread, because i have another set of questions:
1. Back to "Mercury" substance - in quotation you found this energy substance described as "...liquid surface...an irregular and rippling mercury bubble, thin and vertical...". I marked key words in that description. So, this portal isn't a reservoir or well - it's a vertical energy surface inconsistent to gravitation laws, so i think that you couldn't consider this portal as tank of fluid. In fact - this surface represented a boundary/frontier between worlds... So, i think when those Runners dipped their bags into this portal, they were able to gather the air from another realm and nothing all. Hope, you understand my reasoning. Can you explain this "gathering process"?... I think we could resolve this issue by substitution this vertical "portal" to horizontal "well" (or tank, etc).
2. Ok, those brave klyros were able to fly cause they had that magic mercury. Can you explain how they used this mercury to get flying ability? They drink it (like Asterix and Obelix), they daubed themself by it or something else? Ekeelatojujusmee?
3. "The Runners" - i think it's a wrong word. They couldn't be usual runners cause they have wings. Do you know any bird which able to run fast? Yes you know it - it's an ostrich, and we both know about it's "wings". But, as you wrote, thei wings were an important thing that helped klyroses to defeat Laanx and in other Tale events. Try to find another word - may be "Gliders", or it could be specific klyros word...
4. About "With a great opening of their wings, and guidance from many of their mercury flask they sailed down to the lowest bowels of Ylakium" - i think this could be possible if they were only small squad (about 5-20 members), but as they represented themself a huge Horde - they had big amount of wagons with goods, stuff, supplies,
kids, olders etc. Also they obviously had livestock, draught animals, herds. And all of them couldn't "sailed down to the lowest bowels of Ylakium". (may be this was a starting-point for their inventions like Gliding katamaran and so...).
5. I think that due their GREAT PILGRIMAGE some of them break away from main group and settled in new places they like and able to live. But the main part of them reached the 6th levels and start to settle the Nibenay ocean shore, water meadows and swamps. So, they decided to divide into groups and domesticate square territories. The main colony was near the Eklato bay (not on the shore) - there were a klyros headquarters and military units...
When Colossus appeared in Yliakim, he wasn't near the Eklato bay (but not far from it). His first victims were klyros fishermans boats. Next he approaches to the close piscatorial village wich he noticed from the distance. While he destroyed this village, klyros messengers reached the main Colony and delivered horrible news to Klyros Elders. It was decided to draw this creature to the Eklato bay and avert him from other colonies in deep territory. (May be they wanted to trap him in swamp or.. Burial well !!! Yes, remember we have one broken burial well obstructed by rocks. Then it could be on the Battle Area!!!)
And so, there was a Great Terrible Battle near our Future City. So, Kixie, i want to ask you to modify this finnal Battle and give klyros the main role in this fight, not to Talad (so, Collosus must be a little bit smaller to 50%). I want to catch your sight of those tragedies that displayed in this battle: The Tragedy of Collosus, that was betrayed by his Mothers anf Fathers (notised that his task wasn't ot eliminate klyros as race but to "take'em back to the realm of Laanx piece by piece", the Tragedy of Klyros that betrayed their only defender and sentry in this unfriendly world, they treat him like an evil God Laanx treated them when they met first time...
...Inca can't hold his tears....
So, amongst the fighting klyroses could be one of creators of this Sentinel. For example, The Klyros counsel Ptar Qeron - he considered himself as a father of this Sentinel, he gave an order to 11 runners to subdue the recalcitrant creature, and in this battle he got to kill his own child... Guys, if you have your own child you understand me, understand the degree of personal tragedy of this man... I think he sacrificed himself to stop this madness, to expiate his guilt, to save the Klyros Nation and may be... to save his child... But Talad appeared for a few minutes in final stage of the battle and destroyed Colossus which menaced to whole Yliakim stability...
So, Kixie, can you make your tale more detailed (at last part) and make it more like serious fantasy romantic story then a fairy legend?
What you think, guys?
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About he last thing that you said Inca:
make it more like serious fantasy romantic story then a fairy legend?
This could be the story that is writen in books and told around the fire place.
And then we would have different storys that are more like fantasy stories that would tell about heroes, battles and other great events in detail.
This is, I think more like a complete story of the Klyros history.
I agree with Inca that this town should NOT be "Klyros sacred ultimate grand omg capital of the supreme uber nation of the giga-tera-jota Klyros".
But think about it. If we continue like this it will come first in to the world of planeshift so it would just be logical that it would be one of the first.
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About last thing that i said, Arangol: fully it sounds as "Kixie, can you make your tale more detailed (at last part) and make it more like serious fantasy romantic story then a fairy legend?" I marked key words for you, Arangol. So, i just suggested Kixie the way of modification his Tale. I think, Kixie didn't supposed that his story will be approved 100%, and I try to analyze his work and made some comments to it. I like story very much as it is, but if we want it to be a Klyros Pre-History, suitable for our Klyros City and for PlaneShift universe - it got to be changed ~30%.
I don't expected that Kixie will write 500 A4-pages about Klyros Tale, we no need it.I suppose with my suggestions, this tale would be more suitable for our City Setting, for the landscape, etc. Also, i patient thinking that in Finall Combat the main role must belong to klyros, not to Talad. (...I remeber a so small hobbit Frodo who had so large soul and courage enough for world saving...) Anyway, let's wait for Author recall.
...Noooo!!! No!!! Don't kill him!!! - Ptar Qeron shout on Talad figure wich started his fatal swing towards ruining Sentinell, that slowly fall into burial well. - It wasn't his fault!!! It was me!! Meeee!!! - stricken klyros stand between Colossus and furious Demiurge, trying to defend his giant son by his own skinny body. - Let him g....
But he never complete his phrase, because smashing supernal blow tear him in moment.
-Pa-a-ate-errrrrr!!!- roar moribund Sentinell and ...tore from his hand a large boulder, and heaved the rock towards Talad. The rock was stilled before it met Talad even half way, and an echo from his commanding voice expelled the monster with finality.
Sentinel powerless grasped the ground were his father died and with last stone weep,unclenched his disfigured palm and fall into the bottomless well.
-..so much pain, pater...."
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Alrighty, so:
1.) Change magical substance
2.) Before I change this out, could you tell me more about the Klyros anatomy in a private message? Perhaps they could have never collected any thing in a bag, but instead breathed air from a magical realm into their galbladders by inhaling the magical substance. Ptar Qeron, an original runner, and eventual leader of the counsil, could be the one who "breathes" life into the colossus, literally.
3.) Runners is an appopriate name, I think. They didn't have the powers of Laanx yet, so they could barely glide. Their bodies had been malnourished and withered from staying in small caves. The Stone Labyrinth was hardly a spacious area, so how mnay feet would they have been able to glide anyways? I liked, "Runners" because it gave an olympian feel to the members. An ancient sentiment which klyros in the modern day would aspire to; to become such as their ancestors.
4.) I think it would be easily done,considering how huge the stalactite is. They would have plenty of room to soar. They would NOT have possessions. They are a nomadic race who carry little more than the clothes on their back. They would have no need for livestock, and other material.
5.) So create smaller areas in the bay? Eklato can be the original point, and i'll name some special attribue such as being the first rock on which Ptar set foot onto.
and finally
5.b.) So we can not possibly have the fight between Talad and the Colossus? I thought the fight was very symbolic, and it allowed me to explain many peices of topography in the area. While Eklato bay and a few other rivers existed, many were created by the heated battle between overlord, and bastard spawn of the Klyros' own haughty standings. Talad took it upon himself to not have another Diaboli incident, so he took charge and broke the colossus, the very representation of enslavement to the klyros, into the ground. And so, they start with a new pallet and a respect for Talad.
It explained the crystal which lie under the sea, a good explanation for the gravitational field some described. It gave birth to the floating island Levian. It carved the rivers and lakes of the area.
It just work, and I don't really know how else to create all of these areas, without giving a weak "They were there".
As far as the Fairy Tale stye, I used it because that was how the background was written. I was tempted to use word choice, diction and styles complimentary to the bible, or torah, but instead kept the very words used in the historical setting. I wanted my story to blend as well as possible with the previous material. That is why I wanted talad to be present, the klyros to be used very discriminately and all things to be as vague and mystical as possible.
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..Ok then. If you don't then i don't. If everybody agree, then i stop discussing :-X
...it's pity that no one was impressed with my romantic version of Battle, but...never mind.
I like very much the idea of "inhaling the magical substance into klyros galbladders"-->so it could be similar to liquid gas. Also, this is very suitable for Laanx features, because at the beginning she was very ephemeral, aerial looking Goddess.
I don't agree with "klyros would have no need for livestock, possessions and other material". I don't now any nomad tribe, nations that could travel for hundreds of kilometers without any supply and stuff. How you suppose to feed 10000 klyroses even for single day if they travell throug the bare prairie, withered thickets etc? They lived their children to die from hunger, abandon their olders if they can't glide down the levels? Please, give me an example.
About "Runners." This run can be similar to skating or skiing. What do you think?
The main task was to create pre-history of Klyros and explain the existence of floating island - we got it with good bonus: explaining the existence of map locations (lakes, rivers, bay).
Now, check the status of The City:
--- it's a first big Klyros settlement in Yliakim. It is situated on the place where many years ago klyroses heroes purchased their rights for living under Azure sun with Talad's permission. It also can be a place for pilgrimage of all klyroses who want to touch the history of their great ancestry.
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At the last noctice, I think is should be made out of facts, though as the Klyro's are so full of themselves they might tend to exaggarate(and I see a Klyro's scribe has written this, but that's not the question.) As Talad is of every day life to the inhavbitants of the crystal cause he keeps doing improvements and tweaks to the environment it might not be too epic. Maybe not "Great-Mighty-God-fight-big-bad-colossus" but "The-nice-guy-with the power". You shouldn't write it into epic proportions but tie it too a more earthbound level. In this world, this god isn't of a fairy tale, he is real to the people whether the Klyros like it or not and this should be written out of an objective view.
About the mercury, the great magic that surrounded the "mercury" was enough to strengthen the "Gliders" magically, i think that's what he meant. About the portal-vortex, I think Inca's theory's the most reasonable, though if it is a passage to another world shouldn't this ripple be more open and clear and not reduced by a mercury substance. I would say this "mercury" is a stability "substance" which hinders the two worlds from sucking out each other's contents(Like in space). This could be a good idea alrhough I just can't, in my right mind, figure out why you have to blure every gate with some substance, isn't it about time that you break that klich'e?
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Just my 2 tria;
The “runners” could be called “Scouts”
As for the Mercury, I can see this as kind of a magical barrier.
Question: is this a constant portal or is it opened and closed?
Two examples;
1. Stargate SG1 their portal has a water Type barrier. (opened and closed)
2. Star trek (the original)- they came across a “gate” but it was clear, you could see the destination as it appeared.( constant )
I like the idea of the barrier style, and see no reason why the Klyros could not take a little of this barrier matter (either in bags or inhaling).
I have named "The Runners" and started some others here http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=23667.msg261857#msg261857
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sounds great inca, but final word will have to come from kixie :P since he/she will have to do the work..
and i have to say you all are doing a great work :flowers:
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Just my 2 tria;
The “runners” could be called “Scouts”
As for the Mercury, I can see this as kind of a magical barrier.
Question: is this a constant portal or is it opened and closed?
Two examples;
1. Stargate SG1 their portal has a water Type barrier. (opened and closed)
2. Star trek (the original)- they came across a “gate” but it was clear, you could see the destination as it appeared.( constant )
I like the idea of the barrier style, and see no reason why the Klyros could not take a little of this barrier matter (either in bags or inhaling).
I have named "The Runners" and started some others here http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=23667.msg261857#msg261857
GJ, Laragorn. You're doing great, mate.
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..Ok then. If you don't then i don't. If everybody agree, then i stop discussing :-X
...it's pity that no one was impressed with my romantic version of Battle, but...never mind.
I like very much the idea of "inhaling the magical substance into klyros galbladders"-->so it could be similar to liquid gas. Also, this is very suitable for Laanx features, because at the beginning she was very ephemeral, aerial looking Goddess.
I don't agree with "klyros would have no need for livestock, possessions and other material". I don't now any nomad tribe, nations that could travel for hundreds of kilometers without any supply and stuff. How you suppose to feed 10000 klyroses even for single day if they travell throug the bare prairie, withered thickets etc? They lived their children to die from hunger, abandon their olders if they can't glide down the levels? Please, give me an example.
About "Runners." This run can be similar to skating or skiing. What do you think?
The main task was to create pre-history of Klyros and explain the existence of floating island - we got it with good bonus: explaining the existence of map locations (lakes, rivers, bay).
Now, check the status of The City:
--- it's a first big Klyros settlement in Yliakim. It is situated on the place where many years ago klyroses heroes purchased their rights for living under Azure sun with Talad's permission. It also can be a place for pilgrimage of all klyroses who want to touch the history of their great ancestry.
Got it. Changing name of "the runners", changing the material, tweaking details of migration.
One question left unanswered:
Keep the fight between Talad and the Colossus the same?
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About final battle Episode: cause everybody accepted this episode of the Tale, so you free to leave it as it is. If you interested in my opinion, i suggest you these additions: make this battle less extra-enormous (-25%). Also, it seems, that the your battle lasted about 1.5-3 hours,.. please, make it much longer - to 10 hours. It would be great effect if Sentinal appeared from the sea at night (about 3:35 am) - imagine a huge moving burning rock among the night sea! As i suggested before, Sentinel can appered from see not straightway near Eklato bay - it would be more noble and intresting to give klyroses chance to prepare their defense and strategy plan. It got to be a Great Battle and not a Killing-klyroses-by-Sentinel and next Killing-Sentinel-by-Talad. So, if you managed to paste in subject personal story of Ptar Qeron and other Runners/Scouts this can help to make it realy Great Battle.
Check out "Names" thread: you can find suggestions for Runner's names and for Sentinel name.
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So, Floating Island is actually represented a part of Sentinel,s HAND. I you sure, guys with this? Just check those pictures:
(http://foto.mail.ru/mail/inca-sator/1/i-48.jpg)(http://foto.mail.ru/mail/inca-sator/1/i-49.jpg)
So, i suggested to change "hand" to "body" - it can be a part of Sentinel's chest - a heart of Sentinel.
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inca it sounds good, but i tink the proportions might need to be tweeked a lill further, and erosion at coastal areas counts 2x the speed of deterioration
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Explanation of pictures above: i was thinking about how big was Sentinel. In Kixie Story we have proposition that the Floating Island represents itself a part of Sentinel's hand. So, i took sizes of Island from the map (it's height i invented by myself) and try to construct the whole Sentinel - to recieve it's possible sizes. And i put map as background above Sentinel figure, so you, guys, can sense it's real size (M 1:1).
On first picture you can see that such enormous can trample whole sea shore during his figth with Talad. And then it will be not Great Battle of Klyros Nation - it will be Great Squeezer of Klyros Nation. Without joking.
On second picture you can see another version of Sentinel with less sizes, cause Floating Island was taken from his chest/body. He still looks over huge, but i think it more realistic. (actually i thinking about he can be as King Kong).
Also, if you read Tale carefuly, you noticed that at the middle of Battle Sentinel devided into five Giants--> so if we multiply 5 times even second version of Mythril Sentinel we receive ultra-terra-mega Colossus that able to destroy all underwater Nolthrir settlements and whole Yliakim. Something got to be change.......
How this Sentinell grows up in such enormous Colossus? How he reached the bottom of Yliakim?
I thinkr it was 5 meters before Klyros betrayed him (cause he was able to move through the Stone Labyrinth), but then he grow up with his hate to 30 meters. But then -->we again have to find the explanation Floating Island existence... Vicious circle...
Kixie, what do you think?
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What if te flames surroundng the colossus made him look so big Kixie misinterprated it's size, i mean it Was redhot-angry ;)
So I suggest flames surrounding the mithril figure. The Mithrl figure could still throw a big boulder at mr. sacredpants which then imbues the rock in midair, it doesn't have to be it's fist, and then the battle goes on for 8 hours or something... We could also explain the islands you see is the event when the Mithril figure was so pissed he just kept throwing boulders.
That's the way I thought of it, any more suggestions?
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Have the final decisions been made ?
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Hmm, I guess that will depend on Kixie, if he accepts the new changes and completes the story according to the changes, this story is still in development Kixie's nowhere.
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Yes, I agree with baldur that the Sentinel was in angry and with that he seemed bigger than he really was. The island wasn't a part of his body, it was a rock, or maybe a part of a mountain. We could make a mountain and make it so the top of it is ripped of.
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Yes, I agree with baldur that the Sentinel was in angry and with that he seemed bigger than he really was. The island wasn't a part of his body, it was a rock, or maybe a part of a mountain. We could make a mountain and make it so the top of it is ripped of.
Good idea, smaller sentinel, bigger mountain. Now all we need is Kixie
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Perhaps set the epochs to coincide with yliakum's epochs so my prehistory can be labeled and all is in sync with the timeline.
Kixie you and I could work directly together and alter names in both stories to make it mesh better.
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Perhaps set the epochs to coincide with yliakum's epochs so my prehistory can be labeled and all is in sync with the timeline.
Kixie you and I could work directly together and alter names in both stories to make it mesh better.
Now where's Kixie :'(
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Radical review of the story.
Lack of time to apologize. School starting. Time consuming job. Liquor. Women. Teen angst. Lip ring. Stuff.
I'm starting on the story... I'll try to get it done by Friday.
~Kixie
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Well, I hope you feel needed, I can vouch for that we've been sure missing you ^_^
Welcome back, bro