PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Topic started by: zorbels on July 17, 2006, 06:38:49 pm
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"Mam there is something wrong with brado i have heard you know healing magic plase come see him" Zorbels runs to the bar and brado isnt there miadon quickly tells her "Hes in his room downstairs" zorbels runs downstairs to the room thats door is usually locked she looks insideand gasps...
Leaving the story open to continue is great but one issue. :) I like to write what my character is doing. If like to have the choice in what I am going to see or say next. I originally, was going to talk with Miadon in my next post. As you can see in his last line he was speaking to me. It would be weird for me to not reply.
I also don't understand who is speaking to me. You never introduced the I assume "Man behind the counter." I thought we were in a weapons shop with Trasok, and you as his apprentice (who ever your character is?? you still haven't mentioned anything about yourself.) So how could we go from there ...... to being a brados with him ill. If he is in Trasok place downstairs, how did he get there?
What I am saying is four posts into this story and I am already confused as to what the heck is going on, and who is doing what. If you are going to insist on your form of writing style Nalain I will not argue that as this is your thread. Who knows maybe others will enjoy having the plot arranged for them so they can just write along to it. I will however not be able to continue this story as I am not sure my writing style will fit in.
Good luck. :)
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sorry fixing it PPPLLLLESSSe stay you have an important p[art your the mysterious person or do you want to edit that post to a random fenki
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I renamed both threads, if you don't mind - one to fix spelling, and this one to specify OOC comments for what :}
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@Zhai: Oh come on! I's all Spetyco fault. Him and his millions of ulbers, come to think of it ..... did we even camp? :o I don't think we even roleplayed out camping. XD To busy fighting and saving people. Heh... It was fun.
@Nalain: I agree with Zhai on this one. Having an OOC thread can be useful and help the writers to communicate with one and other without filling up the story thread with OOC comment. This makes the story easy to read and follow. When the OOC thread is made and comments moved I will earse the ones that are posted with my story so they don't clutter and confuse.
@ karyuu: Oh boy, I thought Zhai's post would be moved here so I decided to take this out of the other thread and stick it here. :-\ Feel free do delete this post.
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Nalain, you went off in a tagent again, you didn't really let a conversation happen. It kind of interuppted the story flow.
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Hello people :)
Its good to see another community story :)
Just a little suggestion to help with the flow.
If you have a big event in mind, let everyone know in this thread. That way if someone else had an idea they were about to post they wouldnt have to rewrite it all.
You can also adopt what the last community story writers did, just type "pause" if you have an idea and need time to type it out. Then go back and edit your "pause" into your contribution.
Just a couple ideas for ya's
Have fun and i am looking forward to reading about your adventures :))
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@miadon : you can have a coversation but they just dont noice him because his bodys still there
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yes, but you placed it IMO at the wrong time, as the flow was totally changed, it went from zorbels starting a convo, the bang into something else, if it has been written after the convo had developed something, you could have tied it off by saying, while miadon and zorbels continued their conversation yadda tadda nadda happened.
PS: body?? :s
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nevermind No more interuptions from me please keep on story Ps i fixed my thing continue the conv no more interuptions :D
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On a night with a large thunderstorm there is born a menki his mother and father died when a bolt of ligntning hit their twining tails. 20 years later hes working in the new ojaveda blacksmith he works as an apprentice for the dwarf trasok. He repairs weapons for customers who already bought his massters wares. Suddenly a customer appears in a wisp of smoke . . .
Ok, I went on this post and became the customer that appeared from the wisp of smoke. I approached the Blacksmith apprentice which I thought to be Nalains character. Miadon for some reason named the person I approached Xagred. So I am assuming that is Nalains characters name (The apprentice I approached to fix my blade). If it is not then Nalain it was your character who I was speaking with in the first place. From that point I went to talk with Miadon. I am not sure if you want the name Xagred or not, but it would be nice to have some active posts from your character. You see ..... you started this story, so in my eyes you must lead it. If things are not working for you then pm people and tell them what your plans are and what way you see the story heading, or post it in the OOC thread. The modify button is a wonderful thing, and we can change what is posted to better the story line.
Now because I am not sure where this story is going. I am waiting for others to join this roleplay story or post so I have something to work with. My suggestion to you Nalains is maybe post something about what and where your character is. Discribe your characters actions and maybe throw some action in there, like a bunch of bandits come into the smithy to rob you or you owe a huge dept to the neightborhood thugs and they have come to collect, etc. This will help give your story pick up and become more exciting, and give us all something to write about. You don't need to use my ideas as they are just suggestions, but we really need you to fill in some gaps.
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@Zhai: Oh come on! I's all Spetyco fault. Him and his millions of ulbers, come to think of it ..... did we even camp? :o I don't think we even roleplayed out camping. XD To busy fighting and saving people. Heh... It was fun.
lol Zorbs, but you still gotta prove you CAN camp (no ulbers, no spetyco's nemesis, no flying snakes, just a campfire and marshmellows).
Now, if you want the story to take a certain turn you can suggest your idea (say: can i be the bad guy?/sure! go ahead/i'm gonna be able to kill an ulber with my fists/dude, you're tripping/ok, ok, but i'll be stronger than the rest of the party so they all have to fight me/ok, that works... and so on) instead of asking for edits (say: that's not good, change it). And if you posted something people don't understand but have a point to make, say that it will be justified (like: what? why are you going back to hydlaa when the battle's in Oja?/ because i'm gonna get something there, trust me/ok, but keep in mind what we've established so far...). I'm not saying you gotta give away your plot, we need surprises, but this is a community story so we should be on the same page. Let's PM each other if you want someone to do or say something you find interesting (just like we /tell or with in-game RP).
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The beginings look good, but, umm, may I ask what is up with the last post made. It goes from just about to have a conversation and outta now where, that one sentance. It just seems so, out of place, maybe. Also, condition? Since when did have a condition? It seems a bit too much out of the blue I think. A good writer builds suspense by giving little hints here and there and gets the reader to a point where they don't want to stop reading. Honestly, I'm left with a strange confusion feeling after reading whats been posted so far. Perhaps if it had been more subtle or something. There was a nice flow and atmosphere going and then wham, the last post. Makes me sit back in my seat and go, "huh?". I would also think from the view point of the other writers wanting to contribute that they are wondering how to continue to the story after that. It just kinda throws everyone for a loop. But that's just my opinion on it. Not trying to be mean or anything, just thought I'd give feedback from a reader's point of view.
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good point neko Karyuu zap it :sorcerer:
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Er... what? o.O
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Karyuu he means delete his last post in the community story thread.
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Thanks :P
I don't have psychic mod powers!
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Well i paused it mainly as I cant think what Miadon should say, should it lead onto something? if so what?
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That is up for you to decide Miadon. :)
As for the pause .... interesting. When we did the pause with the community story for all to join ... we paused and then wrote our part right then and there. I have never seen it done where it was paused and left ..... I only hope it doesn't discourage people from posting.
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This story is just getting to a climactic point please new writers you may want to join soon
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:) Nalain Tarek give it about a day or two. I will mention to some people I know about this story, they may want to join. We have all the time in the world as the forums are not going anywhere. Plus from my experience with the "community story for all to join" it is better not to move to quickly, otherwise people who are in the story may not be able to keep up due to real life schedules.
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Well ok maybe we will leave in three days thats long enough... Right ???
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I didn't mean to set a time limit. Just keep checking back and if others have posted then we can continue. If others have not then we obviously are in this story alone and can continue it. People may jump in further into the story too.
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Yay!
Nice to be writing with you guys - I was soo sad to miss the hunting trip, Zorbels.
This will more than make up for it. And yes, real life schedules do get in the way!
Arka! :D
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Ostrax will be out for the rest of the day.
But you all have lots to do before you run into Ostrax :)
have fun
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I hope you don't mind if Spetyco stumbles into the story.
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Nice to be writing with you guys - I was soo sad to miss the hunting trip, Zorbels.
I have been looking for an excuse to write with you. :P And no worries about the story you missed, I am sure there will be pleanty more, and we are in one together now. Yay! Well besides your written story.
@Spetyco: Welcome aboard, and of course we don't mind you popping in. Nice to be writing with you again. :)
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Woah! Are you setting off already Zorbels?
Is it morning already? We are meeting up at the forge, right?
I have few more things to get into place
Arka :D
Oh and Hi, Spetyco, glad to have you with us
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Hi folks
(Got your PM Arka)
Glad to be on board
TE :thumbup:
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No problems arka. With my last post it leaves opportunity for you to finish your business and to let zorbels know you have a few things to still do and Zorbels can wait at the gates of akkaio for anyone who maybe be coming on this quest. Or I can change my post completely. Either way I am flexible. Just let me know.
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It's ok
We should pick up whoever is here then head for Hydlaa. Terenak will join us there and we might pick up some more on the way.
I guess we are going in through the well?
One thing, Zorbs - didn't I read somewhere that you were afraid of heights?
Arka
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One thing, Zorbs - didn't I read somewhere that you were afraid of heights?
You are correct, Zorbels is afriad of heights. She tries to over come it but it never really goes away.
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i wont be posting until friday... maybe thurseday VACATION :) :) :)
you can use xagred and anyone is allowed to start with gimish in the mines
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Ooops! I forgot Xagred needs to come with us - can somone run and fetch him from the Blacksmiths - he'll have to shut the shop if ther'es no-one else can run it in his absence. Make sure he brings the flute with him - I have a feeling we might be needing it!
Arka
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Miadon is technically still in the shop :P, he kind of just came in said one thing and sat down again XD.
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So - is he going to run after us?
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Ooops! I forgot Xagred needs to come with us - can somone run and fetch him from the Blacksmiths - he'll have to shut the shop if ther'es no-one else can run it in his absence. Make sure he brings the flute with him - I have a feeling we might be needing it!
I think Einnol only made it about half-way from the gate to Trasok's (I was a little confused about exactly where everyone was) and doesn't even know about him. Someone might want to go back before we get too far away.
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I didn't read the OOC comments before I posted. I guess there are three options.
(1) Miadon can get off of his butt and bring Xagred with him and join the search party. :P
(2) Someone can run back to get him
(3) Or he will meet us there.
:) It is up to you guys. Doesn't matter to me as I am open to all suggestions with this overlooked issue.
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I think I'll make Miadon run the shop for Xagred.
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OK - does that mean Xagred is going to catch us up - he better be quick! I'll write it in
Arka
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err make him catch up.
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OK - does that mean Xagred is going to catch us up - he better be quick! I'll write it in
Arka
Nice save Arka! \\o//
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IM back arka exellent save yes we might need the flute and miadon thanks for runing the shop ITS GOING GREAT \\o//
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Um about the song did we just make that up or is it really a song?
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I made it up
BUT
It fits in with the story I am writing
And, coincidentally:
with the Stonebreaker leesons that a select few have accesss to
So, it was very fortuitous.
Explanation: Little dwarfs = 'Petty-Dwarfs' (Tolkien) who lived in Beleriond (Ernegabord) before being exterminated by the Dark Elves. In my history of the Stonebreakers, Garwin led a cohort of Petty-Dwarfs to safety - these became Stonebreakers after stumbling on the entrance to the Stone Labrynths.
Thanks for the opportunity!
Arka :D
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nevermind
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Man this is going slowly!
I will be away from my 'pooter for 2 weeks or so from this Friday so...
If the action starts again, I'm quite happy for people to write Arka in, have her wander off and get lost or to go off looking for Terenak once you all get to Hydlaa.
Have fun!
Arka
:D
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slow isnt the word :(
Lets hear from everyone,
Are we still continuing this adventure......
we have the start of what could be loads of fun.
/me waits patiently
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Well, I'm back now…
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Is there any interest on finnishing this ?
We do have some time :)
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I really don't know where to go with it. :-\ This is why I had left it. I was hoping Nalain Tarek or someone else would take the lead and write something that I could join in with. I am fresh out of idea's and I don't have alot of time these days to sit and come up with good stories. It's that real life thing and that annoying thing called a job. I would be more than happy to continue with this story but I can only write so much with my shortage of time. As of right now I don't know what to write.