PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Topic started by: Under the moon on June 08, 2007, 07:57:00 am
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SHIFT WARS
Episode IV
A NOOB HOPE
Mangled by
Under the moon (UtM)
Unrevised and final First Last Draft
MOON|WRITING LTD.
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A long time ago… well, maybe not so long ago… Ok, it was yesterday…, On a server far, far, away... that is unless you live in Singapore, or one of the neighboring cities or countries…
Dramatic and booming drums of war sound in your imagination as you begin to read this tale. There is no cool scrolling or fading of words as they vanish into the far distance. About the coolest thing you are going to see here is if you scroll down as you are reading while trying to keep your eyes crossed. Try not to get sick…
It is a Epoch of unrest, power leveling, and looting. Roleplayers, contriving and enacting a grand RP from a hidden tavern in Hydlaa, have just won a great battle against the quasi-evil-or-maybe-just-misunderstood Dark Empire. Well, actually, they stood and stared at each other as…well, never mind, as it is not really important. What is important, is that the battle was just a distraction! RPers (oh hell, let’s just call them Rebels and be done with it) The Rebels had snuck spies into the ranks of the Empire to write silly things on the walls of Nurahk’s private washroom. Quite accidentally, one of the spies happened to step on a peace of papers that stuck to his foot on the way out. Princes Nilaya happens to see it, and finds that it is not trash, but the Empire’s entire and horrid plan to take control of all of Planeshift! It just happens to be written on a used napkin next to a pie stain of the round kind.
To continue, and where we start this tale, Nilaya rushes across the plains of Oja in her caravan, with all the hopes of roleplaying clutched in her paws. Unfortunatly, she and her companions, the Explorers, are unknowing that the Empire has noticed the missing pie-stained plans, and has laid out a most sinister and devious ambush…
OJA PLANES: OVERHEAD VIEW- Pan forward over caravan.
Actually… the Planes are not really anything pretty to look at. Just dirt and yellow grass. Let’s try that again.
OJA PLANES: SIDE VIEW, LOW TO THE GROUND-- stationary camera, close up of wagon wheels and boots.
Ah yes. Much better. It is nearly dusk, and the shadows grow long. Great wooden wheels stir up small motes of dust as they grind over the well worn tracks of countless other travelers. Bare feet and booted trod to either side. Suddenly, the wheels and boots stop as one as an energy arrow slams into the ground in the background, spraying the camera with dust and rock shards. The camera pans back as a second arrow strikes the back wagon wheel, shattering it beyond repair. Silhouetted figures draw swords and arms as the hills burst forth with bellowing fighters.
INTERIOR: BULK PASSENGER and GOODS CHAINWAGON. (five or six large wagons in a train, pulled by one team of great beasts)
The wagon shakes as the panicked team struggles to pull the wagons out of a blast crater left from a fireball. Two Bots, Jayose-P-O, and iKtomiD2 are tossed about in their seats. The shuddering stops with a loud bellow and an explosion.
Jayose: Good Gods! I am not sure I understood that, as the bellow was not phrased quite right, and the explosion could have used a simpler but more correct blast wave, but I think they just killed and looted our Beasts of burden! We’ll be challenged for sure! This is insanity!
Explorer fighters come from the next section of the chain wagon, and draw swords as the take up position around the entrance.
Jayose: There is no escape!! We are all going to die in here.
iKtomi: Beep, boop, deep, +b, -set mode to stop being such a coward-
Jayose: The Princess will be pawned for sure this time.
iKtomi continues making beeps and codes quite possibly questioning the other Bot’s manhood as a sound is heard right outside the door.
Jayose: Was that a sound I heard right outside the door?
EXTERIOR: RIGHT OUSIDE THE DOOR
Hulking figures of armored soldiers and perhaps other more foul things approach right outside the door.
INTERIOR: CHAINWAGON
A knock is heard on the door. The Rebel Explorers look at one another. They are obviously newbies by the look of them. The knock sounds again, followed by the ringing of the little bell on a string. The Rebels once again look at each other. Finally, at a third knock, one of the young soldiers shrugs his shoulders and opens the door to see who is there. He is immediately challenged to a duel, and is dragged from the wagon. The others Explorers rush out to help. Energy arrows and fireballs crash into the side of the wagon, some of them coming very near the two Bots.
Jayose: iKtomi, look what you have gotten me into now, you half scripted ball of hacked code!
Iktomi beeps rapidly in irritation. We can be glad his language filter is working, as some of those beeps may have been words. The two rush into the next wagon.
INTERIOR: VACATED WAGON
A dark figure wearing a darker trench coat enters the wagon, carelessly stepping on the bodies of friend or foe alike. One of the Empire troopsimmediately bursts into song.
Troop: Bum bum bum ba ba ba, ba ba bum. Ba ba bum. BA bum BA, bum ba-da-ba, bum bum, bum ba-da-ba…
Dark figure: Can it, Pie.
Pie: Yes. Sorry Lord Frostmorn.
INTERIOR: LAST WAGON
Princess Nilaya stands over iKtomi with a soiled napkin in her hand. She reaches down and stuffs the cloth down the back of his shirt. Then turns and runs as JayosePO spies them from the next wagon. Jayose comes hobbling over, as his path finder does not seem to be working quite right. Fighting is heard far back in the other wagons.
Jayose: Well… now what do we do? As sad as it is, you are the brains of this duo.
iKtomi beeps triumphantly and sets mode to +o iKtomi.
Jayose: I do not understand. Please restate that in a way -anyone- would bother to listen to.
Empire troops are heard marching through the final wagon before theirs.
Jayose: Come on! Think of something. I don not want to be recoded into a carpfish.
Instead of answering, iKtomi scoots up a ladder to the top of the waggon. Looking around anxiously, Jay follows.
INTERIOR: MID CHAINWAGON
The evil Lord Frost…
Frostmourn: Can I be called Darth?
Well…. ok. The evil Darth Frostmourn…
Darth Frostmourn: How about horrifically evil, or detestably wicked, or…
The -evil- Darth Frostmourn stands over the bodies of his victims, some still twitching or smoldering.
Frostmourn: Oh, no that I lik. Go on.
Stop interrupting. Frostmourn nods and reaches down to pick up one of the not quite dead yet Rebels. He holds the man up by the neck, and brings him close to his face. Pie comes running out of the last Wagon.
Pie: The pied Plans aren’t anywhere I looked. Though, in my defense, I did not look very hard, or in many places. Mostly I just raided the cooler and drank all their ale.
Frostmourn squeezes the Rebel harder.
Frostmourn: S’ok, Pie. If you did find the soiled napkin of doomzors, I would not have been able to do this…
With that, he picks the soldier up by the neck.
Frostmourn: Where is those soiled pie cloth you took? What have you done our mighty scribblings!? And where is the good wine!? Most importantly, what have you done to my lemons?!?!?
Solder: Wait! Don’t kill me. I saw…glaaaaaaaaaaa…
Frostmourn crushes the guy’s neck, and tosses him out a window.
Pie: Um… I think he was about to tell us where the plans are.
Frostmourn: Oh, was he? I wasn’t paying much attention. Short attention span. Sorry. See if you can fand me another live one, and we’ll try that shot again. And Pie, stay out of the cooler.
[[more will be added. perhaps soon, perhaps not. :)]]
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[[Perhaps sooon sounds a lot better. I'm enjoying it tremendously so far]]
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[XD best Star wars parody in a while.Funny thing is ive been playing a lot of Star wars battle front recently so it just sound funnyer when i compare them.Great work Moony keep em comin]
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[ Cool, and don't forget about the Dark Empire (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Empire) ;D ]
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\\o//
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INTERIOR: ANOTHER WAGON, STORAGE
The rather nice looking Fenki hides among the boxes and boxes and boxes and boxes…
Princes Nilaya: I think they get the point.
Sorry. Got carried away. Boxes upon boxes of rat hides being shipped out of Oja to someone really rich who -really- likes rat hides. Soon, oh very soon, they will have enough to finish their rat hide temple, build in dedication to… who knows who? Nilaya looks at the boxes and shakes her head. At least they are a good hiding spot… or so she thought.
Noobtrooper: Target nearest player works GREAT! She is in here. Let’s pawn her!
The trooper sticks his head in the wagon, only to have Nilaya bash his face in with one of the boxes of rat hides. However, this tactic only works with the first trooper, as the second is one of the more elite Powertrooper (power leveler), and casts super-ultra weakness, rendering her unconscious. The trooper turns to the others outside.
PLtrooper: Now that is how you pawn someone, noobs. Go tell Lord Frostmourn we got her.
EXTERIOR: TOP OF A WAGON
Iktomi scoots over to a young, and yet small Megaras perched on the front. He begins untying the creatures bonds.
Jayose: What are you doing?! Only merchants and players can use those. You'll
get us recoded for sure…
iKtomi gives a short beep and hops on the bat.
Jayose: Don't call me a mindless heap of poorly scripted Windows plugins, you cross platform OS junky! Now get off there before the GMs find out.
Iktomi beeps angrily.
Jayose: A quest? What quest? The Devs have not added any new quests. You can just go on this ‘quest’ by yourself.
Iktomi just shrugs and gives the bat the signal to take off.
Jayose: Wait! What? You are supposed to try and convince me to go along. How can I regret going, if you leave me here?!
iKtomi pauses just long enough for the other Bot to get on, though not long enough for him to get a good seat.
EXTERIOR: GROUND
A few troops look up to see the bat flying away.
DuelerTroop1: Hey, I did not know you could ride those yet. You suppose we should shoot it down?
LeaderDuelerTroop: Na. Don’t bother. That’s just an NPC. You don’t get any duel points off of them.
DuelerTroop2: ja tht is the sux. we shud get poitns 4 killling evrthin.
Troop1 and Troopleader look at each other, then look at Troop2. Realizing why they have garnered such a bad name, they draw swords…
EXTERIOR: THE BACK OF THE BAT-CREATURE
iKtomi and Jaylose look back at the smoking remains of the wagon train.
Jayose: that is funny, the textures don’t look so bad from up here.
iKtomi just nods as the megaras glances back at them.
Jayose: Are you sure these things don’t bite? Did you feed him before we left? How long is this trip going to take, cause if it is more than half and hour, we are going to have to stop while the server crashes.
INTERIOR: EMPTIED WAGON
The PLtroopers lead Princess Nilaya into the wagon with her hands bound behind her back. Standing calmly on the darkly shadowed far side is Darth Frostmourn. The two glare at each other for a long time, saying nothing. Time passes from moments to minutes, but still nothing. Finally, Nilaya speaks.
Nilaya: Lord Frostmourn, I should have know it was you. Only a power mad GM would attempt something like this. When I tell the other GMs you are interrupting a roleplay…
Frostmourn: Sorry, lag. Don't play games with me. Well, besides the one we are playing now. Though, if you want a short game of groffeltoe, I guess we have a little extra time. Besides, you weren't roleplaying. Your friends broke into the DE guildhouse and stole OOC information that you plan to use in your RP. You are working for the Rebels! Where is the Plan?!
Nilaya: Are you on dark mushrooms? I am an Explorer, and we do not use OOC info in our roleplays.
Frostmourn: You're a Rebels and a…a …. CHEATER. Ya, that’s it. Get her out of my sight.
Noob, PL, and Duel troopers take Nilaya out of Frostmourn’s sight. Pie comes crawls in a window from where he was listening.
Pie: Keeping her prisoner could be a mistake. If the GMs do find out our plans, we’re so screwed.
Frostmourn: Don’t question me. I am the one with ’Darth’ before my name… Hey, where is it? Give it back right now.
Darth Frostmoun: Ya, that’s the stuff. Nilaya is the only link we have right now to the pied Plans. I will stab anyone in the face who gets in the way of getting those Plans back. We have to find out where the rest of them are hiding!
Pie: Nilaya won’t tell you anything. It would be out of her character.
Darth Froustmourn gives an evil laugh: Leave that to me. Make a forum thread saying there was an accidental mini-wipe, and a bunch of characters got deleted. when Nilaya does not show up, they will think she was one of them! HA! Oh, and to back up the story, delete a bunch of random characters.
A random noobtrooper runs up to Frostmourn.
Darth Frostmourn: That is -Darth- Frostmourn.
You are enjoying this way too much.
Noobtrooper: Derht Fostmarn! We cnt fnd the plns anywr, and the system corded no /tells. only thing we saw wuz a bat thingy fly away, but no plrs on it.
The dark lord turns to the noobtrooper and stabs him in the face.
Darth Frostmourn: God I hate noobs. What were we talking about? Oh. She must have hiden the pied Plans on the bat thingy…
PLtrooper: Megaras, sir.
Darth Frostmourn stabs the PLtrooper in the face.
Darth Frostmourn: Don’t correct me. The -bat thingy- must have the plans on it. Find it! the Rebels will be paWned this time.
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I freakin love it so much.
Darth Frostmorn xD
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Awesome so far, Moon! And the traditional 'Porody' spelling just makes it that much better...
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cool parody! Keep it up, it really makes fun to read it :thumbup:
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What next.Obi wan-Harnquist ? ;D
Moony you are literaly killing me from laughter.This was so funny i ran out of air a few times.
Keep em comin you the best at making jokes out of anything.....In a good way.
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So the epic story has begun.
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What next.Obi wan-Harnquist ?
Nope, Harnquist isn't a Obi wan, he is THE Drunken Master (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_prestige_classes#Sword_and_Fist) :whistling:
And what about the Black Sun (http://www.starwars.com/databank/organization/blacksun/)? >o)
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Bravo! Seriously funny stuff. /me wants more.
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I just wanted to add that reading this story while keeping my eyes crossed indeed produced a funky effect.
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UtM, have I ever told you how much I love you? This has given me so much entertainment \o/
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Excellent as always, UtM. Remember: Every good porody needs a Cyl. Hmmm... how about Cyl-bacca? ;D
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And maybe Farren Skykutter >.>
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I'm not exactly fond of the idea of being your father Farren >.>
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[[Yea! It is Einnol! Do not worry about it. The Cyl knows his part. *evil grin*. And, by request....]]
EXTERIOR: BETWEEN SOME ROCKS NEAR OJA SOMEWHERE CLOSER TO WHERE THE STORY IS GOING, OR POSSIBLY A LITTLE TO THE LEFT. DAY.
The day seems to be getting hotter and hotter as iKtomiD2 continues scooting his way between the boulders, holding the hopes of all the roleplayers in the world on his bot shoulders. Well, actually, he has the Plans rolled up for a headband to shade his eyes from the harshness of the Azure Sun.
iKtomi halts as something stirs behind one of the boulders. Being of the curious nature, and forgetting the old saying about what killed the cat, he decides to check it out. As he peeks around the rock, a flash of light hits him full in the face, blinding him for a moment. However, he is still quite awake. That is until a rock thumps down on top of his head.
System message: iKtomiD2 has been knocked out by a Gobble.
As the bot tips over, a group of Gobbles comes shambling out of the shadows to claim the bot as their loot. Being too heavy for just one Gobble to carry, the stone wielding Gobble enacts a group loot so that his friends may help him out.
Gobble loot iKtomiD2 for an iKtomiD2
They shamble off, toting their prize.
INTERIOR: A GOBBLE TRAVELING BAZAAR, loot wagon
Eight or so Gobbles carry the still unconscious iKtomi into a bazaar wagon-tent and dump him unceremoniously next to a pile of other bots. Before going, they tie his shoestrings together so that he can not run. The little bot wakes up to find himself amongst bots of every sort, most twisted and malfunctioning beyond use. He trips over a motionless RNquist and bumps into a pile of random bots, who promptly start asking him to use simpler phrases. That is all but one.
JayosePO: You! I thought I was rid of you finally. Why does bad luck continues to beset this humble and simple bot?
Jayose raises his hand to smack iKtomi with a large carpfish…. Not sure where he got that. The Gobble mobile bazaar lurched back into motion, carrying our two friends…
Jayose: Pardon me? I can barely stand this walking malfunction. ‘Friends’ is not the word I would use.
iKtomi copy/pastes what Jaylose said.
Whatever. We continue.
EXTERIOR: MIDDLE OF NOWHERE NEAR OJA…..AGAIN
A group of Noobtroppers mull about the site of the crashed and mangled bat-thingy.
Noobtrooper A: So… what are we doing here again?
Noobtrooper B: I think it is a Quest… but I don’t see any bots around.
Noobtrooper C: Maybe they implemented bot-less quests, you think? Maybe if we… KAAAAA!
NoobtrooperC is stabbed in the face by Darth Frostmourn, who- Wait, what are you doing here?
Darth Frostmourn: Too much talking, not enough stabby-ness. I came by to fix that.
Er…thanks. Anyways, NoobtrooperB comes to an epiphany as he looks at the crashed bat-thingy and a pair of tracks leading away from it.
NoobtrooperB: Hey! I just had an epiphany. Someone…
Darth Frostmourn: KAAAYEEEYAAAA!
TrooperB is stabbed in the face. What was that for? He was about to tell you where the bots with the Pied Plans went.
Darth Frostmourn: Oh… sorry. I thought ‘epefany’ was a bad word. Anyways, I guess I should have my boys here go after them, huh?
If you have any left, that is…
GOBBLE BAZAAR.
The wagon comes to a halt as iKtomi and Jayose give each other the silent treatment.
Jayose: Twerp.
iKtomi: *beep*
I said silent. The two bots -remain- silent until a couple of Gobbles come in the wagon and start sorting through the other bots, picking out the ones that seem to be at least partially functional.
Jayose: Oh no. They are looking for useful code to scavenge for some horrid internet scam, or WoW neked dark elf hack. We are doomed.
One of the Gobble points out Jay and iKtomi and motions them to the door.
iKtomi beeps.
Jayose: I hate you.
EXTERIOR: GOBBLE BAZAAR OUTSIDE A CARROT FARM
The Gobbles line up all the bots that can stand on their own, and prop up the ones that can’t. Jayose and iKtomiD2 are in that line, along with another of the D2 line of bots, a joseD2. The Gobbles start walking towards the small farm buildings as a older man walks out to greet them. Off in another direction, standing on a hill so as to strike the most heroic pose possible against the dimming Sun is a young man. He watches as the sun slowly loses its power to the coming night, while swirling motes of glowing mist still cling to its surface. Soon, they too will succumb to the ever insistent night.
Woman inside the building: Farren, dear, are you posing on your hill again? Please get off and help your Uncle Venge pick out some bots, now would you? And make sure he gets a bot that is fluent in Italian.
Farren sighs and gets off his hill: Yes Aunt Arianna, I’ll remind him. But all the bots look like pieces of garbage, so I am not sure if they will speak much of anything.
Farren runs over to Venge, who is talking to the leader of the Gobbles and Jayose.
Venge: I suppose you are a roleplaying bot.
Jayose: That is my primary function. My current quest count is over…
Venge: I have no need of an RP bot. RP is overrated.
Jayose: Of course you don’t need any RP in a pre-alpha world such as this. That is why I am also fluent in power leveling, PvP, falling off the world, OOC, netspeak, l33t, French, and many other sorts of communication.
Venge: What I need right now is a bot that understands C++.
Jayose: I am programmed in C++! Why, some of my most basic code is…
Venge: Do you speak Italian?
Jayose: Well, no.
Venge: Close enough. We’ll take this one. And that joseD2 over there as well.
Gorbak: *gibber gibber, something something, poot* (My good sir, you have chosen an exceptionally good deal on this day.)
Venge: Farren, take these bots inside and have them debugged.
Farren: But I was going to… um… well, I am not sure where I was going, but it had nothing to do with debugging bots.
Venge: You can play with whoever you were going to play with later. Stop being an ingrate and do what I say.
Farren: Fine, fine. Come on Jayose. And the jose also. Get a move on.
Gorbak orders the other Gobbles to herd the remaining bots back into the wagon as Farren starts leading Jayose and joseD2 back to the farm. Suddenly, joseD2 stops.
joseD2 is now known as joseDontwanna.
Farren: Uncle Venge, this bot has bad motivation. Look.
Venge turns to Gorbak: What are you trying to pull here?
Gorbak: *squeal, gibber, spoon, babble* (By everlasting Gods and Forefathers! I had no idea he was defective in such a way. I will remedy the situation immediately. Let me apologize and also sweeten the deal by giving you this pair of pink galoshes, and matching frilly umbrella. You never know when you can use a frilly pink umbrella. Why, I was once caught in a terrible windstorm with only these two items. I would not have been able to survive without them...)
As the Gobble continues the regaling of his tale, iKtomiD2 begins slowly sneaking away behind one of the wagons. Jayose spots him with his sharp eyes, however.
Jayose: Oh no you do not! Sirs, that D2 unit is in perfect shape! Why, he is in such good shape, you could sell all of your other bots, and have him do all the work himself. You could even rent him out to your neighbors for hard labor. He is practically new!
Farren: What about that other one, Uncle Venge?
Venge: Whatever. We’ll take it.
Jayose: You will not regret it sirs. This bot loves to be worked from dawn to dusk, and then dusk to dawn. I should say you never have to let him sleep, for how much he likes to be overworked.
Iktomi: *beep*
Venge continues talking to the Gobble as Farren leads the two bots away. Jayose leans over so that only iKtomi can hear.
Jayose: You mess with the Jay, you get burned…twerp.
[[sorry Sep, no dice. :)]]
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MOON :D:D:D hahaha XD I love it... pleease pleeasemake Peacer join XD is jar jar binks in it?
What about yoda, I want to be Yoda
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Peacer, go watch Star Wars: A New Hope before commenting on this >:( Jar Jar? In a parody (porody) of Star Wars: A New Hope? Go smack yourself about twenty times, jeeze X-/
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but jar jar rocks
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Peacer, while it would be funny to hear Peacer Peacer say "Millions of people iza gunna get pwned?", Farren's right. Wrong movie. ;)
Same goes for Yoda too.
@UtM: Just keeps getting better. I love these lines here:
joseD2 is now known as joseDontwanna.
Farren: Uncle Venge, this bot has bad motivation. Look.
Looking forward to more.
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There is still one very "in"famous character that is missing on this porody: Uurrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhhhhh nnnnnnnnng urnnng! (http://rrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnhhhh.blogspot.com/) :P
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[[sorry for the wait. Had me a broken foot (still hurts) and it has been hot here. the moon's brains melt in the heat, cheese and all that.]]
INTERIOR: DEV CARROT FARM -- BACK SHED -- LATE AFTERNOON.
The shed is mostly empty, but for a few picks, an half a dozen sacks, and a shovel that seems to be frozen to the ground. Farren stands at the door, trying to give his best heroic pose possible… in a carrot shed, while iKtomi amuses himself by walking in small circles. Jayose sits off to one side as the debugger begins to work on him.
Jayose: Good gods, this will be nice. I can not remember the last time my program has had anyone look at it. I have been lagging for months now.
iKtomi just rolls his eyes and keeps what would no doubt be a very scathing insult to himself. After a bit, Farren’s shoulders droop as his pose breaks.
Farren: What’s the use? What good is the perfect ‘hero pose’ if I’ll never get out of here. What damsels are going to faint at the feet of a… a… CARROT FARMER? I never get to be a real hero if Uncle Venge has his way.
Jayose: That is a sad thing to hear. You have an admirable hero pose, if I do say so myself. It would be a terrible thing to waste. May I be of any help?
Farren looks shocked for a moment: Did an NPC just ask -me- for a quest?
Jayose: Oh. Sorry sir. It shall never happen again.
iKtomi just grins impishly from his corner.
Farren: Besides, unless you can speed up the release of the 1.00 server and client, or some features that I can use, then you aren’t really any good to me. Sorry.
Jayose: That is all right sir. I am used to being called useless, along with many other things I can not repeat, as there might be children reading. Besides, I'm not even sure which server we’re on.
<<ALMOST DIRECT WORD FOR WORD QUOTE WARNING!!>>
Farren: Well, if there's a bright center to the roleplaying universe, you're on the
server that it's farthest from.
Jayose: Sir! You don’t mean Runesca…?
Farren: NO! Don’t even say it. Ok, so it is not -that- bad here. And call me Farren, or My Lord Farren, or ‘the heroic Farren’, or…
iKtomi beeps.
Jayose: For once I agree. Just ‘Farren’ will do, sir.
Farren: Not even an occasional ‘Your Greatness’? Just in front of the ladies, at least?
Jayose: Sorry, sir Farren, but no.
Farren: Sir Farren? I do like the sound of that. You may continue addressing me as such.
Jayose: And you may call me Jayose, NPC bot, and giver of astounding quests and items of great importance. That is iKtomiD2, the small and useless. Kick him anytime you feel the need.
Farren: It is nice to meet you both. Surprisingly so.
iKtomi beeps joyfully in response, shooting a cold glare at Jay. Farren starts looking over iKtomi to see what cleaning and debugging he may need as well.
Farren: Well, I have never seen a couple of bots as cluttered and beat up as you.
Jayose: Well, we are in pretty darn good condition considering the abuse we get from players, and our recent brush with the RP Rebels. If you ask me…
Farren: I wouldn’t ask you. Not enough time for twenty questions right now. what was that you said about the Rebels? You have been in the fight against the Dark Empire?
Jayose: Well, yes. It all began…
iKtomi beeps in irritation.
Jayose: Fine. Sir Farrren, if you will just scroll up, you will get the entire story.
Farren: that sounds like too much reading. How about a quick sum-up?
iKtomi beeps, giving a short copy/paste of text along with the image of a lovely fenki:
copy/paste: You must aid us, Steubi-Van Viscooby. You’re our last hope.
Farren: What is that, and who is it?
iKtomi smirks at Jayose and beeps a few times, repeating the copy/paste over and over.
Jayose: What do you mean “Use simpler words”, you impertinent little creep!? Answer our new master. What is that?
Farren: Master Farren? I like the sound of that as well.
iKtomi beeps.
Jayose: Focus, Sir Farren. The little hack says it is just a lost file fragment, maybe from another parody.
Farren: But who is she? She's hot. Just the type of girl who needs a hero!
Jayose: I am not sure who she is, sir. I think she was on the wagontrain with us. A person of some importance.
copy/paste: You must aid us, Steubi-Van Viscooby...
Farren: Oh! This is so perfect! The young damsel in distress, and the hansom hero in the making *points to himself*, and the two silly sidekicks to lighten the mood. This almost sounds like the start of some epic story! Find the rest of the text and copy/paste it for me.
Farren knocks on iKtomi’s head, too which the little bot jumps and scoots back out of reach, beeping furiously.
Jayose: You must forgive him, sir. He has had more than a few of his lines of code crossed. You see, he claims he belongs to one Steubi-Van Viscooby, and the message is addressed to him. I think he has lost his mind, though, as we have never been owned by anyone with such a silly name.
Farren: Steubi-Van Viscooby? I wonder if that could be old steuben.
Jayose: What? you think he might actually be talking sense? And here I was hoping we could melt him down into a pile of dust.
Farren: We might still have to do that. steuben is the closest name I can think of to that long and silly one. He lives out beyond Oja in the sand hills. But I should read the rest of that message first if I am to be the hero. I mean, come on, look at this pose. *gives his best hero pose*
iKtomi beeps shortly.
Jayose: He says he would paste the entire message, but it is stored in his shoes, which are tied together. If you untied them, he will find it for you.
Farren: You can’t just untie them yourself?
Jayose: Sir… we are bots and have only the most rudimentary of commands. No one ever thought to put an /untie in our code.
Farren: In that case, I better do it for you. I am sure you won’t run away just because your shoes are not laced together. Sidekicks never do that to heroes.
Farren /unties the laces, only to have the copy/pasting vanish, as well as the fenki image.
Farren: What the carp? Where is the rest of the message? Give it to me.
iKtomi shrugs and beeps.
Jayose: He can’t use more correct sentences, you diabolical virus! Give him the message.
Just at that moment, Aunt Arianna’s voice calls from the house: Farren? Are you practicing posing in the shed again? Please stop for a bit and come eat your dinner before it gets cold.
Farren sighs and turns to go: You two be good now.
Jayose: I am sure I can slap him into shape by the time you get back. Give me some time and a hot poker, and he’ll tell you everything. Won’t you, my little friend.
iKtomi makes a worried little beep as the scene fades out.
-
INTERIOR: DEV CARROT FARM -- FOODING AREA.
Farren enters the room with shoulders slumped. He… actually, this scene is a bit dull, so let’s sum it up. Farren says the bots might be stolen, to which Venge smacks him on the head and tells him to erase any scripting they may have. Farren says they might belong to ‘Old steuben’, then dodges being smacked on the head. Venge lets slip that steuben may have known Farren’s father, and that they are both dead and rotten by now, to which Arianna smacks him on the head. Farren then mentions that he wants to go off and join something or other that will make him more heroic looking to the ladies. Uncle Venge grins, then smacks himself on the head, telling Farren he will have to stay at the carrot farm for at least one more year. Farren leaves in a huff, though tries to make it a heroic looking leaving in a huff. Arianna tells Venge that Farren just is not cut out to be a farmer, and has too much of his father in him. Venge says…
Uncle Venge: Are you actually going to let me say anything. I grow tired of this summing up. We all know Farren is going to take off because he is too much like his father. Now, if you would all just settle down and test the actual features instead of running around with all this ‘RP’, we could get more done. You think -I- like sitting here on this carrot farm?
Blah. End of scene.
Venge: Don’t you cut me off..
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the lack of me is bad.... the amount of humor is good
there is balance >.>
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I eagerly await my part. Good thing I'm patient. It'll be a while.
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Hahah, this is great, Moon. :D I look forward to the rest of it.
--Nilaya
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Not to be a bore, but you still are missing...
(http://images.uncyc.org/pt/b/bd/Chewbaccaaaa.gif) (http://desciclo.pedia.ws/wiki/Predefini%C3%A7%C3%A3o:Chewbacca),
Though I'm sure you have something special for such "unique" character. ;)
And by the way: UUUHHHGGG rrrrRRR! HHHüürrRRRRRRRRn hhhh! HHHurrRRRRR RRRn hhhh. UUUHHH GGG-rrrr!
>o)
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What a bunch of suck-ups. :P
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I did ctrl-f then drey and found no results so didn't read it.
Check that getting me a casting:p
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Not to be a bore, but you still are missing...
(http://images.uncyc.org/pt/b/bd/Chewbaccaaaa.gif) (http://desciclo.pedia.ws/wiki/Predefini%C3%A7%C3%A3o:Chewbacca),
Though I'm sure you have something special for such "unique" character. ;)
And by the way: UUUHHHGGG rrrrRRR! HHHüürrRRRRRRRRn hhhh! HHHurrRRRRR RRRn hhhh. UUUHHH GGG-rrrr!
>o)
Chewbacca doesn't enter in until the cantina scene, which is after uncle owen and aunt barue die from the stormtroopers.
So actually UtM isn't forgetting them ;)
Btw UtM I expected nothing less from you, fantasticly halarious keep typing away.
Gotta love those PLtroopers ;D
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[[GARRR!! Sorry for not having an update in the last week, folks, but my PC pulled a dastardly up-and-die-for-no-reason-joseDontwanna trick on me. On my brother's Lappy now (Oh how I hate laptop keypads). I'll have something up and running in the next few days *hopes*.
Anyways, thanks for reading and enjoying.]]
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[[Well then, let us continue for a bit, dead PC or not…]]
INTERIOR: CARROT SHED, DUSK
Farren enters the shed while trying out a new, dashing pose, one hand on his hip, while the other points off into the distance with seemingly great importance.
Farren: So boys, what do you think of this one? Pretty Dashing, huh? *pauses to look around* Boys? Where are you hiding?
A sound alerts him to Jayose’s feet poking out of a sack of carrots, kicking feebly.
Farren: Great Talad’s ears in the morning! I shall save you, Jayose!
Farren dashes over using one of his patented heroic dashing-to-the-rescue poses…
Farren: You know how hard it is to get one of those patented? The red tape itself is a nightmare. Then there are the bureaucrats, and the paperwork…
Jayose’s muffled voice sounds from the sack: Focus on the problem at hand, sir Farren.
Farren: Sorry about that.
Farren lifts the sack unceremoniously off the entangled bot, who has a very disgruntled look about him.
Jayose: Don’t decompile me! It was all that little troll’s fault! He would not listen to me, and when I tried to stop him from leaving, he STUFFED me in this none too clean carrot sack. The little twerp is strong for his size, you have to credit him that.
Farren: WHAT?! He left? Even after I said I would let you too be my sidekicks on all my grand adventures?
Jayose: Yes Sir. He kept spilling out that dribble about his ‘Quest’, and would not listen to any sort of logic or threats. Though, I guess I did just skip the logic and go straight to the threats. I had some darn good ones too.
Farren: Shut up and let me think. We can’t go out to look for him now. The hills are crawling with the Outlaws after dusk. We’ll just have to go early in the morning. Uncle Venge is going to ban me if he finds out. Let’s keep this between you, me, and the sack of carrots.
Jayose: Very well sir Farren.
The sack of carrots says nothing… *camera zooms in for a creepy close-up of the sack of carrots*
Farren, glancing at the sack: Get the shovel…
**Fade scene out with another close-up of a now worried looking sack of carrots.
INTERIOR, DEV CARROT FARMHOUSE, THE NEXT MORNING:
Venge: Where is that little lay-about?
Arianna: You mean Farren? I think he left already to get those bots rescripted for working the fields.
Venge harrumphs: Don’t tell me someone actually did something without being told at least ten times first. I’ll likely have to go over everything he did and fix all his mistakes.
Arianna: You are too hard on the boy. He does try, and he is not really suited to carrot farming anyways. He is much better at heroic posing.
Venge: I noticed. But if he does not have those bots in working order by this evening, I’ll be planting –him- in the fields instead of carrots.
EXTERIOR, OJA DUNES:
Farren and Jayose ride on the back of a very cool and very fast creature. In fact, it is so cool, that no one can see it unless they are beyond cool themselves.
Farren: Oh, I can see it just fine. It is very cool and fast indeed, right Jay?
Jayose: Sir… are we not walking? Yes, I am quite –sure- I am walking.
Farren: Don’t you know how to roleplay? Right now we are –riding- on a very cool and very fast creature across the Oja dunes.
Jayose looks down at his shambling feet which seem in perfect contact with the ground. “If you say so, Sir Farren.”
Farren scans the horizon as they speed over the dunes…
Farren: Don’t say it, Jay. Oh good, there he is. I have him on target-nearest-NPC now. Kick our ride in the ribs to give it a boost.
Jayose shrugs and shambles a little faster. The two of them soon catch up to iKtomi, who seems to be taking his own good time in a casual stroll.
Farren: What in Death’s last name do you think you are doing?
iKtomi beeps, then glances at Jayose for a translation.
Jayose: No, I am not going to say that. It is demeaning and rude.
iKtomi smirks, then stops to look at a hill before beeping again.
Jayose: Sir Farren, he claims there are players over that hill. He also says you should give me more respect for all the…
iKtomi kicks Jayose.
Farren: Right. And Kran can fly with little pink wings. We better go check out the hill, though. You never know who it could be. Could be someone needs a hero!
**fade scene to the top of the hill.
Farren: Well, those are players all right, but they don’t look so friendly. Hold up a sec while I turn on name and guild labels… Oh, not friendly at all. That’s Elvi and a few of the Outlaws down there. We better get out of here before they see us.
Voice behind Farren: Too late for that. Oh, and AHHR AHRR aauRH aaaahhhhhrrruu aaaaRRRR!!
Farren is knocked out. More Outlaws appear to begin pawing through Farren’s things for anything of value. They growl in disgust as they find nothing at all in his possession besides a book on impressive posing and heroics. Suddenly, a /shout sounds out.
Shout: The server will be restarting in one minute for updates to the inventory system. Anyone still logged in may lose some of their equipped items. Thank you for your patience.
The Outlaws quickly glance at each other before unequiping all their items and logging off, leaving Farren unconscious on the ground as the minute counts down. Darth Frostmourn steps closer, pulling a… What the hell? Frosty, what are you doing here?
Darth Frostmourn: BOOOOORING. You are boring the people to deth. Where is the action? Where is the face stabbing? If I have to see ONE more of Ferran's heroic poses, I am going to stab -myself- in the face.
Frosty, get out of here.
Darth Frostmourn: Oh come on. Bring back just one Outlaw for the face-stabbingness. No one would miss him. Would you miss him? I wouldn't.
No. Out now. Tell you what. Stay in your own scenes, and I will give you a Peacer to kick around.
Darth Frostmourn: Sweet! My very owna da Peacer!
Frosty vanishes with an evil grin, and the scene fades out.
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A pleasure, as always, to read your stories :]
-
EXTERIOR: OJA DUNES FIVE MINUTES LATER.
iKtomi slowly comes out from his hiding spot looking around warily. He spots an old man stooping over Farren, who is still sprawled out on the dusty texture. A small worried beep escapes him as the old man turns to him.
Man: greetings, little bot. you may come out of there, as no harm will come to you from me.
iKtomi scoots over to the man and looks down at Farren with a beep. The man pokes at Farren, causing him to stir.
Man: have no worries. this one will be fine.
However, Farren does not yet stir from his slumber. The man looks at iKtomi and pokes Farren again, hard this time. Farren still does not move. Finally, the man begins thumping Farren on the head.
Farren: Hey! Enough, enough! I am up.
The old man continues thumping.
Farren: I said I am awake! You can stop anytime now!
Man: pardon. i was caught in the moment.
Farren rubbing his head: I can see that. So what happened anyways?
Man: the outlaws nearly had you for a coat rack. you really should turn off auto-accept when you are out in the wild alone.
Farren: That does not sound very heroic to me. Wait, are you old steuben?
steuben: i am at that. tell me what brings you out this far, young farren.
Farren points at iKtomi, who does his best to look innocent.
Farren: It’s not working, iKtomi. It is all his fault. I told him he could be my sidekick if I untied his shoes, and then he ran away. How ungrateful is that? All he cares about is his ‘quest’ and completing it. And here I thought players are the only ones who get obsessed over quests. Bla bla bla, Steubi-Van Viscooby, bla bla bla, and all that.
steuben: Steubi-Van Viscooby? Steubi-Van…. gods i hoped my ears would never be fouled by that name again.
Farren: Uncle Venge said something about him, I think. He said he was banned or inactive, or something.
steuben: inactive or banned? i should hope not.
Farren: So you know where I can find him? I really do have to get this quest thing over with. I have important heroic things to do.
steuben: oh, he is quite easy to find. in fact, he is standing right in front of you.
Farren spins in a fast circle: Where!?
steuben: me, i was talking about me. i am Steubi-Van Viscooby.
Farren: Your mother must have hated you. So, you are the one this bot is looking for. He claims you scripted him.
steuben: now that is new to me. i must say i can not remember ever scripting a bot. perhaps it would be a good side project.
iKtomi beeps in agitation, looking up at the hills.
steuben: I think our little friend would prefer we talk in a safer place. I agree. come with me.
INTERIOR: steuben’s HOUSE.
Farren and iKtomi sit comfortably in the small but very nice house carved in the side of a hill. wide landscapes adorn all the walls, showing vast hills, tall waterfalls, and high towers. steuben sits across from the two. The three look to be in mid conversation.
Farren: So, you are saying my father was a great warrior, and not the bum my Uncle Venge always claimed?
steuben: oh no. he was very much the bum your uncle venge always claimed he was. he was also a great warrior that few could match.
Farren: When I tell that story, would you mind if I left out the ‘bum’ part? It cuts down on my heroic image.
steuben: your words are your own, young farren. ah yes, that reminds me. i have something here that should help greatly with that image, bum as a father or not.
steuben walks over to a chest and stirs around for a bit before pulling out what looks like a short piece of black pipe that just barely fits in his hand. He walks back over and hands it to Farren.
steuben: this was your father’s. i am sure he would have wanted you to have it when you became old enough. your uncle did not want you to ever know about it. something about one bum in the family being enough. i suppose he thought if you ever had it, you would go off on some silly quest to be a hero.
Farren: Sounds about right. What is it?
steuben: it is your father’s Cylsaber. it is the weapon of an oldbi knight, not the random generated damage of a sword or energy arrow.
Farren pushes a button on the tube, which flips the top open. Suddenly, a very, very thin elf pops out of the end, standing very stiff and sword like, still attached to the tube by his feet. Farren stans transfixed by it. He waves it back and forth a bit.
Cylsaber: Whoosh, whoosh. Fizzle, zap. Now I am a…a sword?! First I am a rope, then this? Can’t you think of any better role for a very tall elf?
Nope.
Cylsaber: I hate you.
steuben: hush now. props don’t have speaking roles. when they are quiet, they are a fine weapon. your father used this one in the dupe wars.
Farren: My father fought in the Dupe Wars? If that how he died?
stueben: sadly, no. he lived through that awful time only to be betrayed and pawned by darth frostmourn, a noob that we were trying to teach roleplaying and the ways of the olbies. instead, frostmourn turned on us, helping the dark empire track down and ban the rest of the oldbi knights. frostmourn only obeys the closed side of the source now.
Farren pushes the button on the tube, making the Cyl vanish back inside.
Farren: The Source? What is that?
steuben: you have never heard of the source? what did your uncle teach you on that farm?
Farren: Not much that I can recall.
steuben: very well, sir. I will explain it in simple terms to you. if you open up your files you will see code there.
Farren looks in one of his pockets: in here?
steuben: no, you must look in your files, not your pocket. just search your hard drive for planeshift.
Farren: Oh, I think I found it. Are theses files?
steuben: yes, those would be the files. if you open one, you will see the code.
Farren: I see it! That is the Source?
steuben: no. that is the code. the source is what builds the code. it is the ones and zeroes that create all you can see and hear in this game. it is everything and everywhere. without the source, there would be nothing.
Farren: Oh. I think I understand. How do I close these files?
Before steuben can answer, Jayose bursts through the door.
Jayose irately: Forgeting something?
steuben: yes indeed.
steuben walks over to iKtomi and pats him on the head.
steuben: I nearly forgot about the message. thank you for reminding me. let’s see what you have in your logs.
Farren: He is glitched. You’ll never find the log.
iKtomi just smirks at the flabbergasted Jayose and pastes the image of the fenki, then starts playing the log.
steuben: oh really? it just came right up for me.
Farren has a disgruntled look as the log scrolls up.
copy/paste: General Viscooby, you probably don’t know me, but I have been told much of you. My father always told my how helpful you were to the Roleplayers in the Dupe Wars. We need your aid again to fight against the Dark Empire and its diabolical plans. I would have come in person, but we have been ambushed by noobs from the Empire who know nothing of how to RP. I fear I will not be bringing you to Kada-El’s tavern. I have stuffed the Pied Plans down this bot’s shirt to ensure that the Empire will not capture them with me. Take him to my father to have it removed for study. Please, take this bot to the tavern. This may be our final chance. You must aid us, Steubi-Van Viscooby. You’re our last hope.
steuben: why did it have to be steubi-van?
Farren looks so excited he can hardly contain himself: I am going to get to be a HERO!! Hooorah!
steuben: i guess i don’t have a choice, do i?
Nope. Farren gets to try to be the hero in this story.
steuben: rubbish and rat tails. fine. but if you are to go to the tavern with me, you are going to have to learn the ways of the oldbies.
Farren: Great! I get to be a hero AND learn cool mind powers. This day keeps getting better.
steuben: i wish i could say the same for all of us. let’s go tell your uncle we are leaving.
Farren stops jumping around practicing heroic looking jumping around poses with the Cylsaber tube: Do…we have to?
steuben sighs: i am getting too old for this crap.
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\\o// ^^
i am loving this so far. in fact, i kept asking myself if there was a role in the story i could bug you about playing, then i remembered that Irick is in the dark empire and would most likely be killed. i guess i wont spam your PM inbox, you lucky @$#%^$*.
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oddly enough it somes more like me then i do.
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That's not so very odd, Steubi-Van.
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hehehhe its great
:lol:
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i love the fact i come attack other peoples story bits :D
keep it up UTM o/
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[[Finally! It has cooled down enough here to write again. Sorry for the wait, but I really am not a hot weather person. The heat kills my creative writing skills. Now where was I?
Darth Frostmourn: You were about to get to the part where I choak n00bs with my awesome mind powers! Then, I’ll stab things in the face until…
What are you doing out of your scene? You want me to take your Peacer away?
Darth Frostmourn: Well, technically we are OOC in between scenes. See the brackets? And you did ask.
True… I guess I will let it pass this time. On to the tale…]]
INTERIOR: LAANX TEMPLE, REFLECTION ROOM.
A group of high ranking Dark Empire members has gathered here in the temple to discuss the situation, and how best to handle the situation. One of them seems very vocal in his opinion.
Hwnae: I tell you again. Until the mods to this temple are completed, we are open to any attack. I’ll not lose more of my men than I have to.
Nurahk sneers: Getting squeamish, Oh leader of our armies? Throw your meat shields to the maws of our enemies. THIS temple is all that matters.
Hwnae, in indignation: My ‘meat shield’ has some of the only good roleplayers left on our side. Besides, once the GMs find out what the mods we are making do…
Hwnae’s budding rant is cut short as two more people enter the room, both Enki. The first is Chancellor Sangwa, dressed in green. Following close on his heels is none other that Darth Frostmourn in his black trench coat and a ‘Zorro’ type mask.
Sangwa: The GMs…
Darth Frostmourn: TADA! Here I am again for your face stabbing enjoyment! Peacer! Git in here so I can kick you!
Peacer comes shambling in the room to stop obligingly next to Darth Frostmourn, who offhandedly kicks him up side the head. Sangwa rubs his hand over his face with an impatient growl.
Sangwa: If you are done?
Darth Frostmourn: Not quite. One more.
Darth Frostmourn once again kicks Peacer gleefully.
Sangwa: Now are you done?
Darth Frostmourn: Ummm… yup. I think so.
Sangwa: You sure?
Darth Frostmourn: Certain.
Sangwa: Well then, as I was going to say, the GMs…
Frostmourn kicks Peacer.
Sangwa: Frostmourn! You were done. You said so.
Darth Frostmourn: Well, I was. But you know you can’t trust me. Especially with things like Peacer around to kick and things.
Sangwa: As much as we would all love to see you kick Peacer around all day…
Peacer: I would not like it…
Sangwa: You don’t get a vote. Now, are we going to continue this story, or let this turn into a fish slapping contest? Good. Now as I was saying *pauses to make sure Frostmourn has both feet on the ground* the GMs will no longer be a problem. The Emperor has disbanded them, and taken away thei powers.
Hwnae: How is that possible?! How did we get power of the GMs? And who is going to keep the noobs in check?
Sangwa: Guild leaders are now in charge of keeping order in the game. The fear of this temple and the plans we have for it will keep the guild leaders in hand.
Hwnae: What about the Explorers and their rebellion? I heard that they stole the plans. Even if there are no GMs left, they might still find a weakness and bring ruin to the order we are trying to create.
Darth Frostmourn: Crap! I forgot all about those Pied Plans. I supposes we should try a bit hared to get them back. It is as good as done.
Nurahk: Only a fool would try to attack this temple now. Haven’t you seen the triple row of Ulbers we put out there? Any attack would end in a slaughter. Now that would be entertaining. Nothing beats the raw power of Ublers.
Darth Frostmourn: Are you saying you think your little ulbers outmatch my cool mind pwers? They are nothing compared with the power of the Source.
Nurahk: Don’t even start with me, Frosty. you don’t even know what the Source is. No one compiles anymore. If your Source was so powerful, you would have found the plans, and crushed the rebels by now. You could not even source yourself out of a…
Darth Frostmourn raises his hand to the air in a all too familiar choking grip. Nurahk stops mid sentence and grabs at his foot.
Nurahk: OUCH! That hurts!
Darth Frostmourn: Opps. My aim is off today. Is this better?
Nurahk grabs at his throat as gurgling sounds escape his mouth. A few moments later, his face starts to go blue.
Darth Frostmourn: I find you lack of Frosty worshiping disturbing. I mean, look at the cool things I can do.
Sangwa: Actually, that is rather cool. Is that some sort of skill you can train? Which NPC has it?
Darth Frostmourn: Are’t you going to tell me to put him down?
Sangwa: Hmm. Yes, I guess you should.
Darth Frostmourn: If you say so. Otherwise, I can’t do it again later.
Frostmourn turns and kicks Peacer as he releases his hold on Nurahk.
Sangwa: This meeting has no purpose, as I am sure Darth Frostmourn will find both the plans and the Rebels, now that he has -remembered- them. By then, the mods to the temple will be completed, and nothing will stop us.
EXTERIOR: OJA DUNES
Farren pulls back on the reins of his mighty thundering beast as it approaches the smoking remains of the Gobble’s traveling Bazaar. With a stern and stiff look on his face, he leaps from the creature’s…
steuben: come now. is all that necessary? is it not better to just say what we are doing, which happens to be walking. /me can only go so far, young one. The rest must be left to game mechanics and the source.
Jayose: I knew I was not delusional! We really ARE walking. Sir Farren almost had me convinced I was riding the back of a beast for a few moments there.
iKtomi snickers and lets out a few demeaning sounding beeps.
Jayose: I will pretend you did not say that.
Farren: Come on! It is called roleplaying. Can’t a guy have a little fun? And you have to admit, the pose was pretty good, even if there wasn’t really a might beast.
steuben: fun? you are standing in a gobble’s brains.
Farren steps to the right: Oh….right. I should pay more attention to the story, I guess. You think the Outlaws did this? It kinda looks like something they would do.
steuben looks around, studying the carnage.
steuben: no. it was not the outlaws. none of them were looted. outlaws live for stealing things.
Farren: These look like the same Gobbles that sold us the two bots. And look, there is Gorbiak’s head. It had to be outlaws.
steuben: look as how these creatures are positioned. they had no time to even move before they were killed. only maxed imperial pl-troopers could kill so fast, and would leave the loot behind.
Farren: Damn, you can tell all that just by looking at them? Why would PLtroops even be after gobbles? You don’t get hardly any PP off them. Unless…you think they might have been looking for these two?
Farren points at iKtomi and Jayose, then stops to ponder.
Farren: Well, if that is the case, they would be able to trace them back to the Carrot Farm.
Farren stands pondering for a bit more.
steuben: are you not going to rush off to try to save anybody?
Farren: Like who? Did Moon write in a pretty damsel at my place?! That would be great! I have just the pose for it!
steuben: i was referring to your aunt and uncle.
Farren: Oh, them. Well… I suppose I should run off and see if they are fine, or dead, or something. Not worth wasting the pose on, though. Be back in a bit.
Farren leaps into the saddle of his muscular beast as the ferocious creature rears high into the air with a terror inspiring roar. Then, in a cloud of dust and sharp claws, they vanish of the nearby dunes…
Jayose: Somebody simply must take the /me command away from that boy.
steuben: indeed.
iKtomi snickers.
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i love the fact i come attack other peoples story bits :D
Oh you know, he's just keeping it true to life... You suck at RP in real life, you suck at RP in the story... It's really well thought out. :P
Excellent work, as usual, Mooney.
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... Not even going to comment other than to say keep it coming UtM...
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I have to say that I do like that Farren is childish and naive... Also very true-to-life. :devil:
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/me smacks Phinehas with his Cylsaber
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You have joined the Dark Side...
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[[thanks for your comments everyone. This may be the last addition for more than a week, as I am going on vacation. Rest assured, I will be back, though.]]
EXTERIOR: DEV CARROT FARM.
Farren runs to the smoldering buildings just as the last of his endurance runs out. Nothing is left standing anywhere. Even the carrots are tipped over.
Farren: Come on. Couldn’t you give me something cool to ride? This is a story after all. Even a giant groffel would be fine.
You are supposed to be worried about your family.
Farren: Oh. Nearly forgot that. Uncle!! Aunt!! Are you alive?
Very convincing. I almost believe you really care.
Farren: RP only goes so far.
Uncle Venge: RP does not go far at all. As I have told you a thousand times, this carrot farm is all that matters. Your posing, RP, and four tria will get you exactly two apples. And that is if you are stupid enough to buy them instead of picking them off the ground.
Farren stands shocked, unable to speak for a while. There, sitting in a blackened rocking chair, is Uncle Venge.
Farren: Aren’t you supposed to be dead?
Uncle Venge: Your concern astounds me. You think I am going to let some writer kill me off in my own game? As soon as those rejects started burning everything, I wiped the lot of them.
Farren: Really? Could you do that for the rest of the evil Empire?
Uncle Venge: I can wipe the entire database, if that is what you mean. In fact, that might be a good idea. I’ll just…
Farren: No! No, that will not be necessary. We have everything quite in control. I’ll… just be going now.
Farren starts running as fast as he can, heading back towards where he left steuben and the bots. Quite in control? Not a very good liar, are you?
Farren: Can it, Moon.
INTERIOR: LAANX TEMPLE DUNGEONS
Princess Nilaya sits slumped in the corner of her cell deep in the damp holds of the Temple. Her look is both defiant and worried as she listens to footsteps approaching. She pulls on her heavy chains, attempting to hide herself as best she can in the shadows of the columns. Soon, however, she can make out voices in the dark.
Darth Frostmourn: So, he was like “no you didn’t”, and I was “Oh yes I did.” and then I went all stabby in his face!
nOObtrooper A: xD I luv that story!!11 it get better ever time u tell it.
nOObtrooper B: it waz funnyer the fisrt time frostmorn
Darth Frostmourn stabs nOObtrooper B in the face.
Darth Frostmourn: That is DARTH Frostmourn to you, and it is funnier EVERY time I tell it. Understand?
nOObtrooper A: um, darth Frostmourn… he cant answer u killed him.
Darth Frostmourn: Did I? Well, we don’t want wimps who die from being stabbed in the face on our side anyways. What were we doing again?
Princess Nilaya: I believe you were coming down here to give me ice cream.
Darth Frostmourn: Oh ya! thanks for…wait a sec. That is not going to work on me this time. I am here to question you in torturous ways! Prepare to scream, little princess!!
Nilaya: I scream?
Darth Frostmourn: No, I said no ice cream. Besides, we are all out of double mocca peanut butter triple crunch catnip surprise. You ate the last of it last time.
Nilaya: How about just some vanilla?
nOObtrooper A: I think we gots sum of that.
Darth Frostmourn: FINE. I will go check. Besides, I forgot my Peacer, and it just isn’t as fun kicking noobs. But when I get back, extreme torture!!
EXTERIOR: BACK AT THE BURNING GOBBLES AGAIN
The last of the Gobbles are vanishing as Farren returns to the scene. His head is hanging low, though it is not a pose this time.
steuben: it was that bad, was it?
Farren: Terrible.
steuben: there was nothing you could do. the pl-troopers would have pawned you as well, and the pied plans would be back in the empire’s grasp.
Farren: Pawned? What? No, it was something that Uncle… never mind. I don’t ever want to see another carrot again. Take me with you to the Tavern. Teach me the ways of the Source. Let me become an Oldbi Knight like my father.
steuben: if i must, then i suppose it must be done. no chance of getting someone else?
It is either him or Peacer.
steuben: very well. follow me, young one. we have far to go.
EXTERIOR: ACTUALLY NOT VERY FAR AWAY
steuben: i was waxing dramatic.
Sorry. Anyways, the four adventurers…
Ferren: You tell him sorry? What about all those comments about my posing? I have feelings too.
iKtomi pipes in with a series of beeps.
Jayose: Oh you shut up. Bots do not have feelings.
Fine, fine. Sorry to all of you. Can we get on with the story? Yes? Yes. Now, the four adventurers stand at the edge of a cliff overlooking Oja.
steuben: what was my line? ah yes. ojaveda. never will you come across such a wasteland of spawn camping and foul smelling fur.
Farren: Foul smelling fur?
seuben: oh yes, young one. fall does the rain, yet no one knows enough to stop the standing in it. watch your step, and hold your nose.
Farren smiles over at steuben, but sees that the old man is dead serious. Squaring his shoulders, he begins the walk down to the city.
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lol my cake :D
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teehee very funny , nice way to portray Farren , very realistic :P :devil:
Hope you get some time to write some more
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[[I am not going to apologize for not posting in a long time. As some of you know already, Xillix snagged me up right after my vacation for one of his Settings sweatshops, and as such, I have been busy writing events, things, and secret stuff you will find out about soon™. I still intend on finishing this, but it may take a bit more time than intended. Have fun, and play the game while you wait.]]
EXTERIOR: OJAVEDA IN FRONT OF THE BROKEN DOOR.
The camera pans sideways as it follows our heroes…
Farren: See! I AM a hero.
…
I’ll try not to do that again. The camera follows our companions as they walk down the nearly empty streets. In twenty years, I will come back to write in a bunch of poorly made and unnecessary NPCs to ‘fill’ the scene. Anyways, three PL-troopers stop them.
PL-trooper: We are looking for some guys with bots to pawn. How long have you had these?
Farren: I just got them yesterday. They are taking me on a quest to defeat the…
steuben kicks Farren in the leg to stop him: forgive the boy. he is a bit of a simpleton. WoW player. we have had these bots since MB. you can get a quest from them if you like.
PL-trooper: No thank you. I like my sanity. Identify yourself.
Farren: I am F…
Jayose smacks Farren across the back of the head.
Farren: Would you knock it off! Shesh. I am not going to lie to the man.
stueben raises an eyebrow with a thoughtful expression: very well. tell him your story.
Farren: Finaly! Some respect. This is how it goes. *strikes his best storytelling pose* I, the simple nephew of a carrot farmer, am actually the son of a great and powerful warrior! I was chosen by destiny and the gods to rise from the ashes of my destroyed home and rest swift vengeance upon the Dark Empire and all it stands for! These two bots will guide myself and my powerful mentor to… what are you laughing about?
The three PL-troopers are rolling on the ground LOLing by now. One stops long enough to wave them past: Go ahead ‘hero’ LOL! You are not the noobs we are looking for. xD
Farren: But…
PL-trooper: Dude, get out of here before I PK you.
stueben motions everyone forward and they continue on.
EXTERIOR: OJA… A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE TAVERN
The Broken Door looms before our fellows. Farren has the oddest look on his face, and does not even have a pose for it.
Jayose: Well, if I may say it, dumbfounded confusion is very hard to make into a heroic pose. Even for sir Farren.
Farren: I don’t understand it. Those were the DE’s best troops. They should have just jumped on us, and then we could have had an awesome fight scene where I would win, of course. We did they let us go.
steuben: one never knows the ways of the weak minded, just how to manipulate them. come, we have to find a swashbucking main character here to lead us to hydlaa.
Farren: Weak minded? What is that supposed to mean?
steuben waves his hand in front of Farren: you do not need to know that.
iKtomi beeps and whistles.
Jayose: I must agree with the twerp. We don’t really have time for this.
Farren: I guess you are right. Are you sure we will find who we need here?
stueben: you always find main characters in taverns, did you not know this? strider in lord of the rings, trinity in the matrix, han solo in starwars. that is just the way it is, young one. watch yourself. the roleplaying can get pretty rough in these taverns.
Farren: I can handle myself in a roleplay.
Farren strides into the tavern without a worry in his eye as wind blows his hair back from his determined face.
Jayose: Come on runt. Even you won’t want to miss this.
iKtomy: *beep* *beep* off-on-on-on-off-off.
INTERIOR: THE BROKEN DOOR
Farren and the bots follow steuben in the doorway. It is filled with every sort of villainous scoundrels, cutthroats, dirty rats, and rogues. There are a few NPCs with the players as well. Farren sidles up to the bar in his best sidling up to the bar pose.
Jayose: They have those?
Farren: Page 392, drawing B3. ‘How to heroically sidle up to a bar in a tavern filled with sort of villainous scoundrels, cutthroats, dirty rats, and rogues.’ Right here.
Farren points to the page in his book.
iKtomi: http://qdb.ps-mc.com/?671
Brado: Sorry sirs. No Links in here. They are banned.
steuben: ah. you have to love inside jokes.
Jayose: Fine, we will go outside. We don’t need any ‘real’ people to have fun anyways. Come one iKtomi, let’s show them how bots have fun.
iKtome follows Jayose out the door, looking worried. Farren shrugs and turns back to the bar to fine steuben missing. The old man seems to have wandered off to talk with a tall, hairy, disheveled character in the far corner of unrecognizable race or even gender. stueben nods to the beast as they talk. Ferran turns to join him, but is stopped by two ugly rogue-ish characters.
Pkerrulez: ipawnzu anUrma2!
Farren: I didn’t understand. Could you please rephrase it? …Did I just say that?
Farren turns back to the bar in shock, but the other player grabs his arm.
Lorddume Thegreat: He said… I don’t actually know what he said. But we don’t like roleplayers.
Farren: How do you know I am a roleplayer?
Lorddume: Your description is longer than the last book I read, and it says I can easily defeat you. You better watch out. We’ve been banned from ten other games for kicking wimps like you all over the place.
Farren: Fine. I’ll just stay out of your way.
Pkerrulez: nO1one!! urWl bE loOtz!
Farren: What?
Lorddume: Um…again I don’t know. He was a Chinese gold farmer in WoW before we got banned. Never did understand him. But we are just going to kill you anyways.
Pkerrulez challenges Farren to a dual. steuben accepts.
Pkerrulez: wut?
With astounding speed, steuben slashes out with a Cylsaber that is suddenly in his hands.
Cylsaber: Whoosh, whoosh, fizzle zap, slice.
Pkerrulez has been killed by steuben. Lorddume takes one look at steuben and runs out the door. stueben makes the Cylsaber vanish back into its tube.
Muffled Cylsaber: I hate you.
steuben points to the tall hairy creature: This is Dreybacca. He is the supporting and sometimes amusing character who will lead us to our main supporting handsome and dashing character who is intended to draw in the female 18 to 24 demographic, and will take us mostly safely to Kada-El‘s.
Farren: Say again?
steuben: he is going to help you be a hero.
Farren strikes a pose: That is all I needed to know.
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Well, I was waiting for someone else to post since I already talked to Mooney about this on IRC, but...
Once again, this is hilarious. Farren is so... Farren. :D
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I second that! Brilliant, UTM. I found this part particularly funny. ;D
In twenty years, I will come back to write in a bunch of poorly made and unnecessary NPCs to ‘fill’ the scene.
"A Noob Hope: Special Edition" ??!! :o
I can't wait to see what newly-implemented features can be used to enhance the story at that time. :D Keep it coming.
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EXTERIOR: OJAVEDA SHIPPING DISTRICT.
The camera pans back from Brado’s tavern and rotates to the circle gate to the shipping district. It moves forward through the gate and locks on two bots standing and staring at each other next to one of the warehouses…
Jayose-P-O: Um… yes. This is much more fun than doing whatever they are doing in there. Yes, a great deal more fun. Soooo… another game of twenty questions?
iktomi: http://qdb.ps-mc.com/?717
INTERIOR: OJA: THE BROKEN DOOR.
steuben and Farren follow Dreybacca to a table in the corner, where a handsome and dashing character who is intended to draw in the female 18 to 24 demographic sits nonchalantly with his heavy booted feet on another table. He is an imposing figure, cocky yet charismatic. Rugged yet good-looking…
Man: Though I do not mind the praise and description, I think it best if we skip back to the plot. Your monolog of me is starting to sound rather… ‘gay’.
… and he has a big, hairy, ugly mole in the middle of his forehead.
Man: Gee… thanks. Don’t try to get too clever, or…
Dreybacca interrupts: sorry I am a little drunk so this might sense. guys need a ride here dark Empire and after them
Man: Thanks Drey. I’ll run that through Moronfish later. I am guessing you are meant to be my sidekicks.
Farren: Hero. The word you are looking for is ‘hero’.
Man: I am sure you would not understand the word I am looking for right now. Let’s just get this over with. I am Draklar Solo, captain of the Windows Millennium Client. Dreybacca here tells me a bunch of inane gibberish all the time, so I don’t know what you want. I am assuming you want me to take you to Kada-El’s tavern, though.
Farren: How do you know that?
Draklar: I do know how to read forums, kid. You want to use my client or not?
steuben: if it is not laggy and does not crash. we have will take it.
Draklar: Not laggy and does not crash? Have you never heard of the Windows Millennium Client?
steuben: not that know of.
Draklar looks relieved: Good. Best leave it at that and move on. It will get you to where you need to be. I’ve been through many roleplays with it. Not the lame little ones noobies try to come up with between ‘good‘ and ‘evil‘ guilds. I am talking about the epic battles for world domination. Deep plots and twisted stories…
Farren interrupts: Crystal hunting?
Draklar: Do not try to fathom what you could never understand. What am I supposed to be hauling?
steuben: the boy, myself, and two bots. also a load of cabbage, if you have the room. and ask un not questions.
Draklar: Cabbage? You must be in serious trouble from the Dark Empire. All right. I’ll take you. I know I am supposed to haggle over some price, but we both know you’re are RPers, and don’t really have any money. So I am just going to say give me 20,000 tria, you are going to agree and ‘give’ me 2000 up front.
steuben: it is a deal.
Draklar, sarcastically: Excellent. Meet me outside Oja by the second rogue spawn.
Several PL-troppers walk into the tavern.
Draklar: Well, that is another tavern shot to hell for good roleplaying. Better get out of here before they see you.
PL-trooperA: Why are we even looking in here? There is nothing to level up on. Who would even want to come in here.
PL-trooberB: They are RPers, you moron. They live in taverns 99% of their ingame time. What a freaking waste of bandwidth.
By the time the troopers get to Draklar Solo’s table, steuben and Farren are long gone. I would go into detail about how they did it, but…
Dreybacca: who care?
Right.
EXTERIOR: OJA
steuben: it is great deal of imaginary money. you will have to sell your imaginary beast you ride.
Farren: Ha… ha.
INTERIOR: THE BROKEN DOOR.
Draklar starts to get up to meet the others when a black Menki puts a sword to his throat, forcing him back into the chair.
Conietic: Why do you get up so fast do you think you are going somewhere when I have my sword to your neck and you can’t move or it will get cut with the blade I had specially crafted be the most evil smiths of the most evil weapons? This story could be better. How about you and me buddy up and be evil and take over everything? Ya! It could be a double cross an you are actually taking those other guys to Frostmorn…
Darth Frostmourn: That is DARTH Frostmourn. Don’t make me get all stabby in your face.
Conietic: See! He is here so it all makes sence if you just talk to him and take a payment or something we can get this going and make it really great so people will love it. We just have to have a secret place to meet and ambush them and it is all set.
Draklar: You know… that is a great plan. The best place I know of to ambush anyone is the Death Realm. You go ahead and find a good spot. /tell me when you are ready. They will never know what hit them.
Conietic: GREAT! This is going to be so cool I can’t wait. /die
Conietic has died.
Draklar: /ignore Conietic
Darth Frostmourn: HA! That was great Drak! even better than stabbing him in the fase!
Draklar: I love you too. Now get out of my scene.
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Stunning! ;D
So happy that this is back on your drawing board, UTM
Arka
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Heh heh heh...
Definitely top quality, Mooney. This is seriously funny(pun intended). I like the contrast between PLers and RPers.
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Ehehehe, Conietic is brilliant, he's exactly like that other guy whose name suspiciously looks like his. :P
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Once again, this is hilarious. Farren is so... Farren. :D
I had no idea what you and moon were talking about in IRC until moon gave me the link to this hilarious read. Now I get it and Farren is so Farren ... agreed! ;D