PlaneShift
Fan Area => The Hydlaa Plaza => Topic started by: RoberetGoldsmith on January 23, 2008, 12:09:27 am
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Say these to your self
Tim Vine , comedian held the record for the most jokes in an hour before another guy broke his record , here is some of them
* So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said, "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."
* So I rang up a local building firm and said, "I wanna skip outside my house." He said, "I'm not stopping you."
* Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought, "This is unusual". Then the dentist said to me, "Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet".
* I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him fifty quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "no, the steaks are too high".
* I was reading this book, 'The History of Glue'. I couldn't put it down.
* I got a job as the Duke of Edinburgh's hairdresser. The other day I parked outside Buckingham Palace and a policeman came up to me and said "have you got a permit?" And I said, "no, I've just got to take a bit off the back".
* The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.
* Exit signs. They're on the way out, aren't they?
* When I was at school people used to throw gold bars at me. I was the victim of bullion.
* So I went to the doctor and he said, "You've got hypochondria." I said, "Not that as well!" (Tim Vine live DVD).
* Velcro, what a rip-off...
* I was playing the piano in a bar and this elephant walked in and started crying his eyes out. I said "Do you recognise the tune?" He said "No, I recognise the ivory"
* I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought - he's trying to pull a fast one
* You invented Tippex... Correct me if I'm wrong
* Did you know all male tennis players are witches? For example Goran.. Even-he's-a-witch
* I was in Tescos, and saw this man and woman wrapped in a bar code. I said "Are you two an item?"
* A lorryload of tortoises crashed into a train full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
* I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel
* I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
* Did you know if a stick insect lays it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets?
* I went into a shop and said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Ok, where is he?"
* So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
* So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."
* So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"
* I used to live in a teapot. I know what you're thinking 'Pour You'
Sources: Wiki ;) :P
Cheesey ? :P
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsE9zHRaN-8
presidential puns.
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no one finds puns amusing i take it. ah well.
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/funny-pictures-red-bird-pope.jpg)
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Are you really asking me to resurrect the pun-ishment thread?? (http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=27431.0)
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that thread was boring as it lacked pictures.
pictures make puns punnier.
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Now, now! neko
(http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/2/5/begneissim128466961806272276.jpg)
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Puns are great, but i wouldn't advise using them too much, as an instructor of mine found out over the weekend.
He was asked to talk at a church, and he realized as he stood up to talk that the choir, behind the pulpit, would be staring at his back for the whole time. He begun his talk this way, "If i had realized I had a choir to back me up, i would've chosen a song." No one laughed....
The same class that he told the story in, he handed out a sheet with shapes on it, triangles, circles and rectangles and told us to organize an 'outline' with the shapes. Fifteen minutes into the activity he asks, "So how's it shaping up guys? Need more time?" without realizing the pun he just made.
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Heh, it was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop!
Sometimes the point of a pun is to make others laugh, but sometimes it's to amuse oneself by annoying others.
I would have laughed, though.
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Heh, it was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop!
Sometimes the point of a pun is to make others laugh, but sometimes it's to amuse oneself by annoying others.
I would have laughed, though.
very punny did you say?
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"He who would pun would pick a pocket."