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Fan Area => The Hydlaa Plaza => Topic started by: bilbous on January 26, 2008, 09:29:08 pm

Title: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 26, 2008, 09:29:08 pm
I live on the 16th floor of a building and pigeons seem to love my balcony.  How can I get rid of them when there is some nasty old woman feeding them in the parking lot next door. I call her nasty because she drives over to the parking lot to feed them when she could feed them at home. Does rice really cause them to explode? Is there a more benign method that I could use?

I cannot take these flying rats much longer.
 
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Suno_Regin on January 26, 2008, 09:31:11 pm
Do a barrel roll. :P
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Jekkar on January 26, 2008, 09:36:12 pm
"Get rid" of the old woman.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 26, 2008, 09:37:57 pm
@S My balcony isn't long enough and they would just fly over it and come back. :(
@J That is unlikely to help much.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Egres Ofyahl on January 26, 2008, 09:40:41 pm
Have you tried to cast a "taste of death" spell ?  :sorcerer:

To the pigeons, of course...  :devil:
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 26, 2008, 09:42:59 pm
Isn't that feeding them uncooked rice?
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: zorbels on January 26, 2008, 09:55:54 pm
The most effective way to get rid of pigeons without doing them harm is to put barb wire along your balcony rail. It won't look so pretty but they won't be able to perch then. hope that helps.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: steuben on January 26, 2008, 09:58:35 pm
actually... i was thinking the other way. why pass up all that free food. apparently if you cookem well you don't worry about having to catch anything.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: zorbels on January 26, 2008, 10:00:17 pm
Stronith told me to post this.

He says just take the rail off you balcony. Just be careful when you go out onto it. Perhaps you might want to anchor yourself to a lamp or something.  ;D

edit: Oh and gross steuben! :P
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: neko kyouran on January 26, 2008, 10:05:07 pm
12 gauge standard Pump-Action Shotgun or the ever classic urban assault rifle.

or if you want to go the more unconventional route:

1)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WU-y8kAsr8Q&NR=1
2)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6F00dUSdmI

and you could be worse off:

1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uXZ3_A2nGs&feature=related
2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kqy9hxhUxK0&feature=related

edit:  found one more  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb2bp-kvS8s&NR=1
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 26, 2008, 10:10:02 pm
Hmm a serious(?!) suggestion, I'm pretty sure the apartment rules would not allow that. And their tracks are in the snow on the floor of the balcony. Maybe I should call in (Honey, I Shrunk the) Rambo! Or possibly I could buy one of those mid '70's concert laser light shows cheap.

Anyone have a recipe for  Squab?  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_pigeon#Squab_production)

Yikes this thread took off....

I live in Canada no guns registered to me

Gaaah!
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: zorbels on January 26, 2008, 10:13:24 pm
Quote from: bilbous
I live in Canada no guns registered to me
Gaaah!

LMAO!   ;D

BTW, my first suggestion was serious. A friend of mine did it and she lived on the 8th floor. It worked for her. :D
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: neko kyouran on January 26, 2008, 10:16:45 pm
but i don't wanna be serious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvoXin7P4v8

make one of those. 
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 26, 2008, 10:22:36 pm
@Zorbels: Yours was the reply I was answering :) Not allowed even xmas lights after new years.

@ neko No problem, got a mailing address I can ship these critters to? I am certain your cat would be delighted.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: neko kyouran on January 26, 2008, 10:27:02 pm
actually, my house is filled with 14 dogs.

but they do climb the trees out back to eat the birds from time to time.   :whistling:
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: RoberetGoldsmith on January 26, 2008, 10:28:21 pm


  Surely there might be a certain scent that might put them off your balcony....hang on do pidgeons have noses?
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 26, 2008, 10:29:36 pm
Anyone know where I can buy a guard hawk?
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Velh Krome on January 26, 2008, 10:35:18 pm
Perhaps a rotting pigeon placed on your balcony could keep away others? Or depending on your balcony's sizes just several dead animals?
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Anumesa on January 26, 2008, 10:48:59 pm
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v192/caley22589/watergun2.jpg)


Mwahahahahahahaha  :thumbup:

(btw i have no idea who this person is...i found this pic on google)
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Baldur on January 26, 2008, 10:49:09 pm
Other dead animals than pidgeons would more likely attract more birds. If you mean the old dead-seagull-in-the-mast it's known to scare away hungry seagulls from fishing-boats. It could work on your balcony.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Phinehas on January 26, 2008, 10:52:14 pm
Apparently they should sell chemicals that you can put on your ledge that'll keep the birds away. It'd be at a pest control store.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 26, 2008, 11:03:22 pm
Well I was thinking of crushing some Jalapeno peppers onto the balcony ledge.... hmmm .... wonder where Chief Wiggum got those insanity peppers....
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: steuben on January 26, 2008, 11:21:28 pm
chillis won't work. birds don't react to capsasin.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: hulla on January 27, 2008, 12:00:23 am
one solution


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarecrow
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 27, 2008, 12:23:15 am
Maybe I should make them watch Fox...
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Izzabella on January 27, 2008, 12:50:13 am
I so understand you! I have the same issue..two stupid pigeons have their little coop above my front steps.. and they pop all the time.. its gross.. I have to get the hose out and spray off my steps and railing.

I've heard if you paint the underside of your awning  blue. they will not see the ledge to perch on and think it's part of the sky. never tested it however..and I can't reach where they hang out.. I did try to scare them off and spray them with water..but that did not reach. I Think they were laughing at me.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: zorbels on January 27, 2008, 12:53:18 am
Quote from: bilbous
Not allowed even xmas lights after new years.

 :o Wow! That sucks. That's not very merry ho hoish. I guess that puts my suggestion out of the running.

Perhaps a pet cat would be in order? There is the possibility that your landlords won't allow pets? Or you dislike cats? Hmmmm ....  you could get a stuffed animal (like a dog) and put a motion censor in it so it moves and barks when it detects motion. Probably to much work though. Maybe you could buy a kids toy that moves and freaks out the birds?

*Zorbels shrugs* Oh well, I tried. Good luck on your quest to be rid of the pigeons Bilbous, let us know how that works out for ya. :)
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Phinehas on January 27, 2008, 01:39:49 am
I so understand you! I have the same issue..two stupid pigeons have their little coop above my front steps.. and they pop all the time.. its gross.. I have to get the hose out and spray off my steps and railing.
Yeah, popping pigeons would be nasty... Maybe they have really, really high blood pressure. :D
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Tuxide on January 27, 2008, 03:04:33 am
How about corn tainted with cyanide?  That's what all the big companies use where I'm from.  They'll just vomit all over the parking lot and eventually die.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 27, 2008, 03:59:00 am
Maybe I could get (http://www.dustindiamondpics.info/images/Dustin_Diamond_screech_saved_by_the_bell.jpg) this guy  to stand on my balcony 24/7. Maybe he isn't owly enough.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Leama on January 27, 2008, 04:08:54 am
Maybe call Animal Control and do something in a humane way. Everyone and everything has a right to live.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Tuxide on January 27, 2008, 04:16:50 am
Maybe call Animal Control and do something in a humane way.  Everyone and everything has a right to live.
I know you can just pay people to have them shipped away (assuming you're the landlord) but the problem with that is that it costs too much and they're just gonna fly back anyways.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 27, 2008, 04:19:37 am
Maybe I could tie little messages addressed to MI5 to their legs and they will fly to England...
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Leama on January 27, 2008, 04:24:10 am
There is no denying that pigeons have played an important part in the lives of human. Pigeons were used during wars to send messages. They are used in laboratories to aid in the study of health and medicine. They are also used to help spot shipwrecked victims. However, despite the good things that pigeons do for mankind, pigeons that flock in cities can be a very large nuisance.

The problem for city dwellers is that, if they have a pigeon problem, it usually is not a small one. Pigeons live in flocks and they are not very afraid of people. They will nest on most any structure, leaving unsanitary droppings behind. Reports tell us that these city dwelling pigeons carry more pests and disease than rats. Here are a few things you can try to rid your property of pigeons:

   1. Place mothballs around your balcony and in your eaves. Pigeons hate the smell and will not linger.
   2. Knock down any pigeon nests you find.
   3. Place "scare devices" out to scare pigeons. These can include plastic owls or snakes.
   4. Block eaves, ledges and other places pigeons nest by placing wire over these areas. Pigeons are looking for a place to roost and nest. If they cannot gain access to these areas they will not hang around too long.
   5. You can purchase liquids and gels that you can apply to your roof and balcony. These products are sticky and pigeons do not like to stand and walk on them.
   6. Another alternative to keep pigeons away is to install bird spikes. These spikes are made of plastic and they deter pigeons from roosting over your building.

Unfortunately, trapping does not work well for ridding your area of pigeons. Neither does relocating pigeons. As you may know, pigeons have a strong homing instinct and will probably return to the place they consider "home" even if they are not wanted. The only true way to discourage pigeons from hanging out on your property is to make sure they do not have access to any food. You should keep in mind that if you feed any birds at all . . . pigeons will come.

http://www.howtodothings.com/home-and-garden/a3605-how-to-get-rid-of-pigeons.html
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 27, 2008, 04:36:50 am
Thank you for the advice Leama, I think I'd rather just keep complaining and making up fanciful fates for the flying rats than actually do stuff and all. Back a few years ago it was the Gulls that were all about but they stayed off the balconies for the most part. The pigeons seem to have crowded them out.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Izzabella on January 27, 2008, 05:26:31 am
Yeah or you have my issue where the sneaky little buggers perch like 10-15 feet above you head so there is no way for me to reach the area they next to pester them :P
And no...I don't have a ladder.
I think however I might just print off bilbous 's picture and get a ladder and put it up there by their perching spot. I only have two however, but wow two pigeons cause sure poop a lot! And they really would not bother me all that much..but they are right above my steps..so that's where all the poop lands. Not pleasant..esp with a toddler that needs to use the railing to go up and down the stairs and commonly uses the steps for helping herself up as well, needless to say, I am glad I have a hose.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Radiant Memphis on January 27, 2008, 08:20:16 am
Try fishing line. Nice clear fishing line. Feel free to make a nice little grid or something so that they can't get to your balcony. Someone once said it worked for them and from a distance it isn't really noticable. Also, you might try moth balls. I've heard that also works.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Phinehas on January 27, 2008, 09:43:27 am
Until you move to Eastern Europe, I will really have no sympathy for your pigeon problems.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Ichaas on January 27, 2008, 03:56:02 pm
You get these little plastic spikes that you can setup along the rail. Shouldn't be hard to do.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: neko kyouran on January 27, 2008, 05:01:16 pm
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8FrxsDKrRY    :P

edit:  found it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY   ;D
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Leama on January 27, 2008, 06:02:32 pm
I cannot help but wonder if neko likes youtube.

bilbous I am just trying to help the pigeons.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 27, 2008, 06:20:49 pm
A - ha, Then I must conclude you are my mortal enemy Leama and you wish me unending torture of the avian kind!  >o)

just kidding you know.

@Phin Until you move to the celestial body formerly known as the planet Pluto, I have no sympathy for your lack of a sense of what might be an appropriate comment.
Are you suggesting that pigeons in Eastern Europe are more annoying than pigeons elsewhere? Are you suggesting that Eastern Europeans are more sensitive to their annoying pigeons or was the comment a complete non sequitur? :)
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: neko kyouran on January 27, 2008, 06:24:33 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kujOo0vjb0

:)

Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Izzabella on January 27, 2008, 06:25:49 pm
 :detective: I think Leama is the lady next to you Bilbous that keeps feeding them....
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: neko kyouran on January 27, 2008, 06:29:00 pm
oh and leama:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjj32CavzU0&feature=related

they are out to get us
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Leama on January 27, 2008, 07:17:07 pm
Izzie, I thought you were my friend!! :D

neko, you make me laugh

bibous, I believe I could do no good or harm to your pigeons. You are to far away.

Just remember we all have a right to life and we should live together in peace.

(yes I am an animal lover)
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Earl_Listbard on January 27, 2008, 07:49:54 pm
Air-soft gun = Pigeon problem solved
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: neko kyouran on January 27, 2008, 08:17:00 pm
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/funny-pictures-bird-anti-bird.jpg)

am i helping yet bilby?

  :detective:
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 27, 2008, 08:32:00 pm
Yer not really trying are you nekkie?
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: neko kyouran on January 27, 2008, 08:47:12 pm
you could always move.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSuui8s3FUk 

:)
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 27, 2008, 10:43:37 pm
The best way I know to get rid of pigeons is to  win all their cash at the poker table. (http://www.dailymotion.com/tontondadou/video/x2b2ea_pour-plumer-les-autres-au-poker_ads)
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Socius Rockus on January 28, 2008, 02:53:09 pm
You can put up  DIE PIGEON DIE!!!!!  (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=28114041)
 :flowers: :lol:
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Leama on January 28, 2008, 03:01:07 pm
or better yet give them a better home and they will leave happily alive.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: eldoth_terevan on January 28, 2008, 04:45:31 pm
Experiment with non-toxic stuff like vinegar. Pour on the balcony ledge or whatever. There must be something they cant stand the smell of. The commercial alternatives for getting rid of them are nasty, at least one compound sold to building maintenance services burns their feet so they don't stay around.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Leama on January 28, 2008, 05:00:24 pm
mothballs
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Under the moon on January 28, 2008, 07:12:55 pm
Airsoft?
This is WAR!

(http://www.tacticalmods.com/image/tipa5_phantom_handgard_1.jpg)

Or get a motion sensing sprinkler.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Izzabella on January 28, 2008, 07:43:57 pm
/me goes outside and starts chucking mothballs up at the pair of pigeons that have made a home on her porch.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: zorbels on January 28, 2008, 08:29:59 pm
/me grins


You could let them borrow your T.V. for abit and let them watch America's Funniest Home Videos. Bob Saget's jokes are sure to kill em! (Yes, they are that bad!)
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Leama on January 28, 2008, 08:47:03 pm
Who would have thought pigeons would get so much attention. Maybe just ask nicely and they would go away.

Zorbels I never watched that show because I was told it was so bad. I am glad I didn't.
UTM, that thing looks hurtful.
Finally, who is to say a bird might be a better neighbor then a human one? It might be so.
/me laughs at all the replys though.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Rayken on January 28, 2008, 10:39:22 pm
I hear that all pigeons are strict vegetarians.  So, try inviting them all to a party and serving only steak.  They should get offended that you served them meat, knowing that they refuse to eat it.  Then they will shun you and your balcony.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: eldoth_terevan on January 28, 2008, 11:18:48 pm
Strict vegetarians. Sure. Except for the carnivorous ones. Oh yeah, you think I'm kidding... just wait until a flock of em eats your dog. Don't sleep with the window open, Bilbous.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: zorbels on January 29, 2008, 12:38:48 am
This is the funniest thread. Ha! And nobodies gone off topic! How odd, especially for such an odd thread.

 :o They ate your dog eldoth_terevan!? How very freaky.
/me peeks out her window at the pigeons and looks at them suspiciously
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Earl_Listbard on January 29, 2008, 12:43:55 am
Throw rice... - believe thats been said....

The rice will make the pigeons thirsty, they go to get a drink, which causes the rice to expand - and rice is something that is hard to get full of, so they'll eat a lot of it before drinking water... Which means later after flying away, their stomach will rupture and they'll die very quickly. In all, after throwing the rice, expect dead pigeons in two hours tops.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Rayken on January 29, 2008, 12:52:56 am
I believe the spirit of the question was how to be rid of them without harming them.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Earl_Listbard on January 29, 2008, 01:00:09 am
I believe the spirit of the question was how to be rid of them without harming them.
Well, you wont hurt them yourself, it'll be their own gluttony that is their undoing.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Silavur on January 29, 2008, 01:53:33 am
xD A philosopher through and through Listbard. I like the air soft idea. 1. It gets rid of them almost immediately. 2. If you actually hit one of them, they receive a stern and stinging reminder to never return and 3. It's crazy fun.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Homik on January 29, 2008, 04:50:40 am
Hey bilbous, get one of these  ;D

http://www.infinitemonkeyproductions.net/wow_forum/tf2_selfsentry_t.jpg
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Earl_Listbard on January 29, 2008, 05:24:28 am
(http://fukung.net/images/327/carnivore.jpg)

Pigeon Fatality!
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 29, 2008, 08:08:32 pm
I'm not too concerned with the fate of vermin and suggested the rice idea myself. I am lazy so the least actual effort suits me.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: eldoth_terevan on January 29, 2008, 09:50:50 pm
Pigeons are foul tempered, dirty birdies... rats with wings. But maybe there is some kind of cheap, ultrasonic emitter to deter them...

https://secure.www.newpig.com/en_US/st/Bird_Repellents.html
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on January 30, 2008, 07:50:21 am
Maybe I could cast "Find Familiar" and hope to get a Pseudo-Dragon. C'mon 20!
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: pseudoprometheus on February 01, 2008, 01:26:31 pm
Aie, all this talk about feeding the pidgeons cyanide so they vomit all over the parking lot and die, or feeding them rice so their stomachs rupture.  A bit gruesome, if not plain malicious, yes?  Certainly not attributes deserving of people like us in this day and age.

Listbard, that's like saying it's not your fault that your kids died when you fed them arsenic-laced Cornflakes; it was their gluttony that was their undoing.  ;)  Not an excuse that'll fly (no pun intended, hah).

Bilbous, if you truly want to do the course of action that requires the least amount of effort, why don't you just ask your landlord to install plastic spikes on your railing for you?  He does after all, own the railings, does he not?  They don't look THAT bad after a while ... although I might just be saying that because I've gotten used to seeing them myself.  But hey, no pidgeons on this end!
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Zan on February 01, 2008, 02:26:12 pm
Gas cannons! (http://birdscarecannon.com/zon_mark_6.htm) We use them to keep birds away from our fruit plantations.

Ok, maybe not so cheap but think of the advantages! You can give your entire neighbourhood a good scare with these puppies and if they come complaining ... just say the terrorists are at it again! :P
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on February 01, 2008, 06:11:22 pm
Maybe I can keep a weasel on my balcony...I saw one on Christmas Day in my parents back yard, can't be too hard to trap can they?
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Leama on February 01, 2008, 06:46:54 pm
I think it is time to lock this thread so no more defenseless animals will be hurt.

Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: bilbous on February 01, 2008, 07:12:50 pm
No animals have been hurt or killed in the course of this thread, a few have been taunted but they will get over it.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Silavur on February 02, 2008, 07:04:09 am
Leama: If we have to be a little sadistic then I think this would be the best way to do so. In humor xD

I'm all for the gas cannons, sounds like alot of fun events could come from owning one. You could always burn your house down... no balcony...no pigeons.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: hulla on February 08, 2008, 02:49:34 pm
ok

But sometimme pigeons can be "dangerous"

like you can see in this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CELK1Fjxvtg&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=kbuGbG3Fv1Y

Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: cigiley on February 16, 2008, 01:14:25 am
Why not just invite them into your home...that will get rid of them from the outside.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Z*nthek on February 16, 2008, 05:18:01 am
Dont do anything that will attract them!! :P
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Prolix on March 03, 2008, 02:30:03 pm
I've heard it said that if you spray wd40 (oil) on your balcony/stoop/whatever they won't come back.
Title: Re: How do you get rid of Pigeons?
Post by: Jaelin on March 04, 2008, 10:08:56 am
I live on the 16th floor of a building and pigeons seem to love my balcony.  How can I get rid of them when there is some nasty old woman feeding them in the parking lot next door. I call her nasty because she drives over to the parking lot to feed them when she could feed them at home. Does rice really cause them to explode? Is there a more benign method that I could use?

I cannot take these flying rats much longer.
 

There are three sure-fire ways of defeating the Rats of the Air:
1. Poison them
2. Put spikes on your balcony so they cannot land
3. Buy an eagle or hawk

I personally recommend the third option.  Aside from being the option of professionals, employing a Bird of Prey adheres to the Law of Nature amongst the bird kingdom.  And when all your pigeons have gone, the hawk/eagle will fly off to find more pigeons to eat, thus benefitting other neighbourhoods and making YOU a good citizen.

Plus you could train the hawk/eagle to attack the rat feeder.