PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Single Author Stories => Topic started by: Calluna on September 03, 2009, 07:33:27 pm
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((OOC: This story began as a promise to people that I'd write a short piece about my IC wedding. When I sat down to write it, I felt compelled to tell the story of how the two characters met, and why they seem to be so deeply bonded with one another. Initially, I wrote the entire piece from my character's perspective, but when I'd finished that, I realised that I was only really telling half the story, and so, I sat down and rewrote it from Zephan's perspective too, with a lot of help from the player in question, of course! I'll be serialising the entire work, posting two or three paragraphs from each story at a time, and there will be drawings to go along with the tale, courtesy of Zephan. Zephan's side of the tale will be in teal italics, Calluna's side will be in green. Enjoy, and please don't hesitate to leave feedback!
Update: Zephan's story is much more detailed in some places, Calluna's in others, so the paragraphs will be a little uneven as I try to timeline the two together ;) ))
The day this all started, I was attending a good friend's wedding at the bridge near the Eagle Fort. I remember the ceremony making me feel an odd mixture of nostalgia and sadness, knowing what I'd lost that night my parents forced me to leave the village I grew up in. I'd spent my entire time away saving tria, in the minuscule hope that I could go back home one day, and pick up the pieces of the past. Deep in my heart of hearts, though, I didn't think that there would be any returning. Six years is a long time, after all, and people grow and change. No, if I went back, it wouldn't be with hope. It would be to bury the past once and for all, lay it to rest, and try to move on, however much it might hurt me to do so.
As the wedding ceremony drew to a close, I had the urge to find a quiet place, somewhere to sit and reminisce. Weddings always made me want to remember the past, ever since I'd been away. I offered my congratulations to Eckar and Velatrius, and as the guests filed off the bridge to help themselves to some food, I thought it would be an ideal opportunity for me to take my leave. Parties have never really been my thing, anyway. As I turned towards the Eagle Fort, thinking I might find a quiet corner in one of the buildings, there she was. There was no mistaking that head of hair, nor the tiny figure underneath it. Seeing her again made a bright burst of hope course through me, as well as excruciating nervousness. It was almost as though she was a vision, sent to torment me, rather than a living, breathing being. I wondered what under the Dome she was doing so far from home. Then the guilt stabbed through my chest, leaving me nearly breathless as she walked up and stood before me, her head tilted in her usual bright-eyed way.
I stood there a little dumbfounded at seeing her again, I'll admit. She always was such a tiny thing, and I wasn't entirely sure how she'd managed to get all the way to the Eagle Fort alone. She told me my parents were worried about me, and that her mother had sent her to see if I was still alive. Somehow, I sensed there was a deeper reason for her being sent to find me, but I put that down to my own worries for her safety. You see, I've spent practically my whole life being worried for her safety. That's how I ended up being forced out of the village we both grew up in, back when she'd just finished her schooling. It all seems like a different lifetime now.
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I barely remember arriving at the village I grew up in for the first time. My mother tells me I was only a small child then, two years old, possibly three. All I remember was the way the bright day had heated the earth, giving the entire place that rich, warm smell that you only get in summer. We were greeted quite enthusiastically by our new neighbours, according to my parents. Their son seemed particularly fascinated by us, Nolthrir being a rarity outside the submerged levels back then. My mother remembers him asking if I were real or not, and the way he stared at my hair transfixed. I don't know if Zephan remembers that or not, but that's what my mother insists he did. I do know that I was always a small, skinny thing, my hair looking like it might topple me over from the weight and curl. Some things never change, I guess.
Our home was small, with curved walls and a central fireplace. Off in one quarter were two recesses, one for my parents to sleep in, the other for me. It was small, but perfect as a little girl's hideaway, with a thick curtain across the front and an even thicker patchwork blanket on the bed. The main fireplace was usually covered with a metal grill, over which my mother cooked, and the floor was strewn with various cushions, instead of chairs. I know it must sound ridiculously primitive to city folk, but it was the most comfortable little house, warm from the fire, and filled with the wonderful scent of my mother's cooking. That's where I first learned how to prepare food, and to this day, cooking a meal takes me back to that little house, and how happy I was there.
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My parents were the village healers, Mother using Crystal Way, Father using his skill with herbs and potions. They always seemed flustered, and in a rush when I was small. As the population of the village grew, of course, they grew more and more busy, until they finally appealed to the village council for some help, being overrun with work. A letter to the Octarchy was filed, and a few days later, my father received word that another healer would be moving to the village to assist them. I remember how happy they were, and how much they were looking forward to having help. In my childish way, I wanted to do everything I could to make the new healer welcome. I liked the new, cheerful way my parents went about their day, and wanted it to last.
The day the new healer was due to arrive was one of the hottest days that year. The ground shimmered slightly from the heat, and the Crystal was particularly bright. To my eight year old eyes, it seemed like a magical day, where anything could happen. I was already excited when I got out of bed, so by the time a cart came into view, I could barely contain myself, and I raced out of the house to greet the people climbing out of it. That was the first time I saw Calluna. Her father was lifting her down from the cart. She was so minute that she seemed like a doll, peering out shyly from under a thick mop of dark curls with huge green eyes. I hadn't ever seen a Nolthrir before, and so, unthinkingly, I turned to her mother and asked, 'Is she really real?' Her mother chuckled warmly, and assured me that she was. And then, Calluna toddled over to me, gave me a big, dimpled smile, and took hold of my hand. 'Friends!' she said, beaming.
I'd always been the quietest one in my class, and hadn't really made any true friends. I knew people, and they were polite to me, but there was never anyone in particular I felt close to. Generally speaking, I preferred my own company. Large groups of children tend to be loud and boisterous, and as I've said before, I'm not all that keen on parties. We lived on the outskirts of the village, in a small, fenced clearing which had two houses built in it. Calluna's family had moved into the other. The rest of the clearing was given over to gardens, with plenty of places for a small child to explore without being out of sight of the houses. I used to spend hours sitting in those gardens, quite happy with being my own company. That all changed when Calluna came along. She'd somehow find her way outside as soon as I returned from school, meeting me with a big, bright smile, and toddling along beside me wherever I went, until one of her parents came to take her for her supper. She wasn't steady on her feet in those days, having spent most of her short life underwater, and so I'd hold her hand to make sure that she didn't fall.
Our parents were quick to capitalize on the situation, and I found myself looking after Calluna now and again, when they had early starts, or had to work late. I cannot recall ever finding it a chore. Actually, I looked forward to her company. Apart from her wobbly legs, she seemed to be almost as quiet as I was, unless she fell over. Then, she'd howl, her eyes brimming with tears, and she always looked so sad it made me want to cry too. I never liked to see her upset. Fortunately, I discovered that if I held on tightly to her hand, she quickly forgot that she'd fallen over, and was soon all dimples and smiles again. Asking my father for something to put on bruises helped as well. Calluna seemed to fall flat at least twice a day, so having that little phial of ointment was a minor miracle while she was with me. I began thinking of her as a little sister, and looked forward to caring for her.
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And then there was Zephan. His parents and mine seemed only too keen to allow him to watch over me while they worked tending the village's ailments and injuries, and so, we ended up spending a large amount of time in each other's company. He was always patient with my childish mishaps, and tended more than his fair share of bruises when I'd trip and fall flat, usually managing to scoop me up and settle me down before I'd even started howling. He'd sit me somewhere safe, wrap his hand around mine and finger comb my hair, making sure I wasn't really hurt before we went off on our next grand adventure. That continued for a while, until I was around four or five. Then, he started being...well, I don't know how to describe it other than distant. He was the same gentle, sweet boy when we were off by ourselves, but the minute there were other children there, his face would turn thunderous, as though I was a burden he didn't want.
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I'd always been ignored by the village children before Calluna's family moved there. I seemed to be out of step with the boys, who were rowdy and boisterous, travelling in a pack, and the girls didn't interest me in the slightest, nor I them. That quickly changed, however, once Calluna's family were settled into village life. The boys began muttering as I'd walk by, and the girls would whisper amongst themselves while glancing in my direction. It felt as though everyone was talking about me behind my back, though I never quite caught what they were saying. A few of the older boys would simply glare at me and shake their heads, making me nervous. At first, I didn't know why I was suddenly the centre of all this attention, I just wished it would stop. After an endless seeming week of this, I left school to find the village chief's son, Kellan, waiting for me outside. He was seventeen, red haired and moody, and frighteningly imposing to a small boy, as I was then.
I didn't realise he wanted to speak to me at first, but as I turned to walk home, he matched pace with me, not speaking at first, simply walking alongside me for a while. Once we'd left the village square and started climbing the long hill towards my home, he placed his hand on my shoulder firmly, stopping me in my tracks, then led me towards a fallen tree, settling himself on the trunk, and hunkering down slightly until his face was level with mine. 'Hello, Zephan' he said, his mouth curving into a humourless smile. 'Your neighbours are in a lot of trouble... and so are your parents.' Fear shot through me, turning my spine to ice, and if Kellan's hand hadn't been on my shoulder, I would have turned and bolted for home, to see what was wrong. 'Those Nolthrir you live next door to,' he continued, 'they've been saying horrible things. Things about my father. And they've been getting your parents to agree with them.' My legs began to shake. 'My father sent me to see if you can help us...'
I felt myself nodding quickly, even though I still wanted to run home. If my parents were being manipulated into telling lies by Calluna's parents, then it was my duty as their son to do whatever I could to help, wasn't it? 'Good lad,' Kellan said. 'I knew you'd help us. Now, you look after the Nolthrir's daughter, don't you?' I nodded again as I looked up the hill towards my house, hoping all was well. 'Go and get her. Bring her here.' he said simply, folding his arms, a satisfied smirk on his face. I just stood there, staring at him, wondering what he wanted Calluna for. 'What are you going to do to her?' I blurted out quickly, my voice quavering with a mix of worry, fear and nervousness. 'My father thinks she'll make a good persuasion tool for her parents.' he replied, still smirking. It felt as though my stomach had just dropped six levels, and I turned to run back home, shocking myself when I heard my voice squeak out 'No!'
I hadn't gone but a few steps away from the fallen tree when Kellan's huge hand grabbed my wrist, yanking me back to stand in front of him, a thunderous scowl clouding his already sullen features. 'You -do- want your parents to stay out of trouble, don't you?' he hissed at me. I felt my throat constrict with impending tears, and I gulped a few times, nodding. 'Well then, you won't have a problem with fetching the little Nolthrir girl, will you?' he said, bending until he was nose to nose with me, and continuing in an oily, smug tone, 'If you won't fetch her, Zephan, I can just go and get her myself... though she doesn't know me, so I might have to...hmm... be a little rough, to persuade her to come along...' His voice trailed off, and he gave me a cruel little smile, looking more like a sneer. I froze in panic, and then, an anguished plea bubbled up within me, bursting out of my lips as 'Please! I'll do whatever you need to help... anything... ANYTHING, just leave her alone! She's only a baby!' Kellan straightened up, and I saw that he was grinning widely.
He let go of my wrist, and patted me heavily on the shoulder. 'Well, Zephan... how can I refuse that offer? Listen... your little friend will be safe, you have my word. All you need to do in return is help me and my friends out with a few... hmm... jobs. Alright?' I nodded silently, and he nodded in reply, turning me by my shoulders, and giving me a push towards home. I began to walk, a little dazed, and then, he called after me, 'But remember, Zephan... I'll be calling to collect your little Nolthrir pet the -second- you step out of line...' He turned and walked away as I stared after him, horrified, not knowing what I'd just agreed to. As he vanished around the corner, I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding, and began to walk home, the journey seeming longer than usual on my still shaking legs. As I approached the clearing, Calluna came bounding over the grass towards me, and a wave of warmth washed away all the fear I'd felt just moments before. Right at that moment, I knew I'd do anything to keep her safe, like the priceless little treasure I considered her to be.
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It's funny what captivates people, isn't it? For me, Calluna's hair was always an endless source of fascination. She was the only other person I'd met with hair as unusual as mine is, though I'd have to say her mass of curls is infinitely more interesting than my poker straight blondness. Sitting and finger combing her curls always makes me feel contented, and she gets this dreamy little smile on her face that makes her look simply breathtaking. Back when we were children, though, our hair marked us both as 'different'. Children can be cruel little people, and the children in our village were certainly no different, as I found out the first time I went to help Kellan with one of his 'jobs'.
One of the older boys had approached me at school, surprising me, as nobody usually spoke to me. Instead of engaging me in conversation, however, he thrust a note at me, muttering 'Here, Dishwater, Kellan said this was yours.' I took the folded parchment from him, then peered up at him curiously. 'Dishwater?' I asked, wondering what he meant. He looked me up and down, shrugged one shoulder and said, 'Colour of your hair, stupid!' then sauntered over to talk to his friends. A few seconds later, as I was about to read the note, I heard a jeering yell of 'Dishwater!', and the group of boys all laughed. I ducked my head, and concentrated firmly on the note I'd been given. Kellan wanted me to meet him at the fallen tree, to help him with a job in town. My stomach was in knots for the rest of the day. Kellan scared me, but I'd promised to help, and it was the only way I could keep Calluna safe.
I ran home from school that day, wolfing down the dinner my mother had left as though I was starving. I wanted to be away from the house as quickly as I could be, so Calluna didn't take it into her head to follow me. I didn't want her to be anywhere near Kellan, just in case he thought I'd changed my mind, and decided to deliver her to him instead of helping him out. Just as I eased out of the door in order to sneak down to the fallen tree, I heard her little, piping voice from behind me, calling my name. 'Zephy? Finished dinner?' My heart sank, and I turned towards the sound of her voice, forcing a smile onto my face. 'I've finished, yes. But I have to meet someone today...' Her little features crumpled into a sad frown, and she tilted her head, peering up at me. 'I can come too, please?' she asked, biting her lower lip thoughtfully. My mind raced as I tried to think of some reason why she couldn't accompany me, and she put on her best smile. 'Puhleeeeeeease?' she said, tugging gently on my sleeve. I had a sudden flash of inspiration, and knelt down to her height, saying, 'Not this time. You'd get really bored, because I'm going to do school work, so I can't play. Alright?' She sighed heavily, pouting, and nodded, stumping off towards her house. As I watched her go, I almost gave in, and went after her. Only the thought of her being grabbed by Kellan stopped me. After she'd gone inside, I trudged down to the fallen tree, to await instructions.
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When I got to the fallen tree, a few other boys were already there, most of them older than me. My arrival caused much whispering, and more than a few bursts of unkind laughter. I stayed back slightly, not wanting to get too close to people who clearly didn't want me there. After a short, uncomfortable wait, Kellan appeared from around the corner, walking towards the group of boys in an arrogant swaggering motion. He swept past the group, and walked up to me. 'Didn't think you'd show, Straw-head!' he said, smirking. Turning to the assembled group, he grinned, giving me another heavy pat on the shoulder. 'Straw-head here showing up has changed our plans, boys!' he said, in his oily, smug tone. 'Looks like we won't be going...hmm... babysitting after all!' The boys all began grinning, and nudging one another. It seemed fairly clear to me who they were referring to, and I felt an immense relief that I'd chosen to follow the instructions in the note.
Kellan had us all sit in the grass while he outlined the revised plans for the evening. One of the local herbalists had recently come into some money, he said, and hadn't paid up, whatever that meant. We were going to his house, to collect the payment. I was told to stand at the end of the street, and yell out if anyone came. After we'd gone over what each of us was to do, Kellan had us leave for the herbalist's home in ones and twos, until there was only he and I left. 'I'm watching you, Straw-head,' he said, peering into my face menacingly. 'Remember, one foot wrong, and it'll be your pet Nolthrir we collect next!' I nodded dumbly, not wanting to make him angry, and he sneered at me, dragging me to my feet by one arm, and setting off down the hill at a speed which made me stumble.
It was a little boring, standing there at the end of the street. I had no idea why Kellan needed me to watch for people, considering how he'd described what they were planning on doing. Obviously, I know now that they were thieves, stealing the herbalist's money, but back then, I was fairly naïve. Nobody seemed to be around the whole time I stood there, and only one or two people even walked by, crossing the square without a glance at me. I looked down at my feet, and began kicking a pebble I saw there. That's when I heard a shout go up from the other end of the street. A few of the boys ran past me, knocking into my shoulder hard enough to make me spin, and almost fall. Disoriented, I watched them sprinting away, wondering why they were running so fast. It wasn't until the boy who'd been at the other end of the street ran past me, shouting “RUN, IDIOT!” that I sprang into motion, running full tilt all the way up the hill and into the clearing where my house was. I flopped down onto the grass, out of breath, and lay there until it started to get dark. I didn't know why at the time, but the whole evening had made me profoundly uneasy. I barely slept that night.
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At first, Kellan's notes only came infrequently, perhaps one every six weeks or so. Between those notes, he'd wait for me on the fallen tree, or outside school, glaring at me as if to remind me of the promise I'd made, but never saying a word. It was simple enough to deceive my parents when a note came. They just seemed happy that I was finally making friends. Nothing could have been further from the truth, however. The other boys still treated me like an outcast, and when they had to speak to me, it was always by some slur about my hair, never by my name. It also became clear to me that I had to start pretending that I didn't care about Calluna in front of them, because they seemed to take great delight in watching my reaction when they insulted her. A few times, her parents had asked me to drop her off at the healer's building, and I had no choice but to wear an insulted scowl on my face as I escorted her through the village, even though I kept her hand firmly in mine all the way there. It wasn't long after one of those trips that I found Kellan waiting for me outside school again. We made our way up to the fallen tree, for a 'friendly chat', as he termed it. But it was anything but friendly.
'Your little Nolthrir pet is starting school soon, isn't she?' he questioned, smiling urbanely. I nodded cautiously, not wanting to twitch a single muscle out of place, for fear of retaliation. 'Hmmm...' he drawled, leaning back for a moment, his fingers steepled against his chin, as though he was deep in thought. 'I have a suggestion for you, then.' he finally said, leaning forward again. 'Just so that you don't make the boys angry, of course.' he added, smiling down at me like a concerned parent might. 'You see,' he went on, 'Dimir and Norwyn were talking about her the other day. They think she's a little freak, and they can't wait for her to get to school so they can practice on her...' I must have gone white at that point. Dimir and Norwyn were two of the biggest boys in the gang, tall, well muscled, and constantly having sparring matches with one another, or as they called it, punch practice. I looked up at Kellan, worried, and he grinned, giving me one of his heavy handed shoulder pats. 'Just get her in and out as fast as you can, Straw-head Don't give them a chance to grab her. Who knows what they'll do? I mean, she's only little, after all!' With that, he got up, and walked back down the hill and out of sight, without so much as a backwards glance in my direction.
The day Calluna was due to start school came all too quickly. She'd been excited for days, constantly grilling me about school life, chattering away about being in my classroom, trying out every pencil her parents had got for her. I was practically a nervous wreck by the time her first day came. All I could think of were Dimir and Norwyn, who were twice my size, and what their fists would do to Calluna, who was half my height. I managed not to show Calluna how scared I was as we set off down the long hill to school, her enthusiasm making her skip along beside me, her braided hair bouncing against her back. As we rounded the corner to the village square, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dimir walking towards us! I leapt forward, walking as fast as I could, concentrating hard to keep from falling, my hand wrapped tightly around Calluna's so she didn't get left behind, straight across the square, up the path to school and in through the door, turning into the classroom before I even paused for breath. We'd made it inside, and she was safe.
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The next few years passed in more or less the same manner. I'd started attending the village school by then, and Zephan would collect me each morning, walking hand-in-hand with me quite amicably until we saw the others, at which point he'd stride ahead with a scowl, forcing me to trot along at his side so my arm wasn't wrenched off at his increased pace. I remember the first morning I attended, where I didn't realise he was going to suddenly start walking fast, and how horribly my shoulder hurt in class that day. I told my parents I'd fallen, an easy excuse as I was still rather clumsy. Young as I was, my instincts told me that Zephan wouldn't have hurt me deliberately, that he wasn't himself unless we were on our own, and that he'd be in serious trouble if I told the truth. I didn't realise how badly he was trapped until much much later.
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The rest of the week passed with no trouble, and I began thinking that as long as I got Calluna into the school building, trouble wouldn't get the chance to start. The gang didn't like to draw attention to themselves unduly, and so I thought that having a few teachers within earshot meant that Calluna would be safe enough. I have to say I was very, very relieved when the weekend came, though. I didn't have to go anywhere, or pretend in front of anyone, it was just Calluna and I, wandering through the woods around our house. She was a lot steadier on her feet by now, more nimble than I was at times, actually. But I'd still take her to one side every now and then, sit down with her and hold her hand. The only difference was, it wasn't her in need of reassurance. It was me.
Things were quiet over the next few weeks, really. Nobody bothered us on our way to and from school, and even Kellan wasn't around so much, though I did see him watching us walking to school once or twice, his usual sneering grin firmly in place. Through the week, I'd started spending school break times with the boys in the gang, so as not to unleash Dimir and Norwyn on Calluna. Though they still called me the usual names, they did begin to talk with me now and then, usually about Kellan, and the things he had them do. As I gleaned more scraps of information, it became clear to me that they were nothing more than a gang of thieves, going and pilfering from people's houses while Kellan's father had the home owners nicely detained in meetings. I felt sick to my stomach. They'd turned me into a criminal by threatening Calluna. There was no way out.
It was that weekend that Calluna and I made a discovery. We'd taken to walking through the woods, more so I could escape being made to perform lookout duty than anything, I think. This particular day, we'd decided to explore a dirt track we'd known about for a while. I'm still not sure why we hadn't been down there before, other than it being a little dark and very overgrown. We picked our way down the track rather slowly. Some of the undergrowth looked tall enough to swallow Calluna whole, and I had to carry her through a few places to stop her from getting scratched by the thorny plants. After what seemed like forever, the track widened, and just up ahead of us, we saw a small hut, overshadowed by vines and weeds, and heard what sounded like a stream bubbling nearby. I took Calluna's hand, and we went to explore the place. It was grimy, full of insects and even some weeds. But it was deserted, and with a swift stroke of child logic, we decided that made it ours.
Cleaning up that little hut took all my spare time and energy for weeks. It almost felt like the nastiness of the gang had never happened, and it was just Calluna and I again. We scrubbed, weeded, swept and mopped the place until every muscle ached and we almost had to crawl back to the clearing each night. Even though it was difficult, as the place became more hospitable, every scrap of effort we'd put in seemed worthwhile. Though we did chop back some of the taller, thicker clumps of thorns, we left the track overgrown, as well as the exterior of the hut, not wanting anyone to find their way there. It was our place, our hideaway from the world. We even managed to get a few cushions from home, as well as some things to munch on, and a couple of wooden mugs, so we could fetch water from the stream when we got thirsty.
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It was around then we found the hut in the forest. It was obviously abandoned, overgrown with weeds and wild flowers, some even poking up through the join between the walls and floor. Even though there were bugs and creepy-crawlies aplenty, my hand in Zephan's made me feel unafraid as we explored the place, peeking into cupboards and scattering spiders. Zephan said we could turn the place into a hidey hole, for when we wanted to steer clear of the other children, and we both ran home to collect cleaning equipment and steal away a cushion or two. Oh how hard we worked on the place! It took weeks and weeks, with us both trudging home dusty and exhausted with brooms in hand, only to start afresh the following day, right after school. Finally, all our toil paid off, and the little hut was clean, with a few cushions here and there, and a small stash of snacks in one of the cupboards.
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I feel kinda bad for posting here and breaking the story but you asked for it. :P
Besides, seeing that I am somewhat responsible for this, I guess I must at least pop up to say I'm very glad that it turned to be a much longer background story besides the wedding event. Loving to read more from your chars. \o/
I just would enjoy reading more from Calluna's side too. ;)
The only thing I would mention are the colors which made it a bit hard for me to read, I had to select the text to get the contrast between blue and white before my eyes gone crazy. I like the colors, just seems like with this brown background such a long story is a bit tough to read for me.
Oh, and loving those awful guys (*notes there are no girls in the gang*) threatening Calluna, can't we have some of them for the Outlaws? XD
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First of all, more from Calluna's side will be coming a little further along. I'm just trying to keep the two tales synchronised. Also, remember, she's a few years younger than Zephan, and so, remembers less of those days than he does. As for the colours, I just wanted to make it so that the two stories could be easily distinguished from one another. I did -try- to pick easy to read colours... :(
More tomorrow!
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*guiltily interrupts the story as well*
I just have to say I have been avidly reading your tale and LOVE it so far. Please keep up the great storytelling, i look forward to more! :D
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A few weeks after that, I'd gone into the village to run errands for my parents. Fortunately, Calluna had stayed behind that time, because as I rounded the corner to the long hill, I saw Kellan waiting for me, leaning against the fallen tree. As I came closer, he beckoned me over, and I trudged towards him, not wanting any part of him and his plans, but not really having any choice, either. 'Where have you been, Straw-head?' he asked in a growl. Without giving me chance to answer, he grabbed my arm, bringing his face level with mine. 'Well? Where have you been?!' My legs shook, and it took me a while to answer that I'd been kept busy at home, not exactly an untruth. He sneered and threw my arm away from him, making me stumble. As I regained my footing, he threw a piece of folded parchment at my feet, and hissed 'You'd better be there... or you know what the consequences will be.' I stooped to pick up the parchment, but when I straightened up, he was already gone.
Reading through the contents of the parchment a few times, I felt a fresh wave of sickness hit my stomach like a bad meal. Kellan's father had persuaded the council to call a general village meeting every weekend, giving the gang free rein to steal from everyone in the village. Kellan had split the gang into groups of two, to cover as many houses as possible during the meetings. One boy was to serve as lookout, the other to steal as much as possible. I read the parchment again, fear coursing through me. I was paired with Norwyn, one of the boys Kellan claimed wanted to beat up Calluna. Kellan had paired himself with Dimir. That first weekend, when I made my way to the fallen tree, I was almost frantic with worry. Though Calluna was with her parents, we were to steal from the Healers' building, and the last thing I wanted was for her to be inside with one of her parents, especially as Norwyn would be the one actually entering the place. Not only that, but Kellan informed us all he'd be going to the meeting. I almost burst into tears of relief when I got back home, and Calluna bounded across the grass as usual.
The weekend raiding lasted for two years. My parents came home from the meetings angry, and upset, every single time. The villagers were clamouring for the council to do something to catch the thieves, never suspecting the village children of being behind it all. Listening to them discuss the problem wrenched my conscience, but I never spoke up, knowing it would cause an argument, and that it would give Kellan free rein to do whatever it was he had planned for Calluna. Her parents were the most vocal in the meetings each week, her mother even going so far as to suggest that the chief ought to step down if he couldn't solve the stealing problem. In hindsight, that's what caused what happened next, but at the time, I couldn't help but blame myself.
-
Two years went by. We'd run home from school, eat dinner, then sneak off to the hut before anyone came calling for Zephan, filling up the corners with our pilfered snacks and water from the stream nearby, and he'd spend the weekends hanging out with the older boys. I think it was around that time I'd started developing a huge crush on Zephan. Probably earlier, now I think back on it, although back then, I regarded him like my big brother, so I kept my crush firmly to myself! I would have been around seven by then, approaching eight, and Zephan was starting to fill out, having turned thirteen already. That's when the trouble started for real, and when it did, it was terrible. It was a few days before my eighth birthday, I think, and we'd just been let out of school. Zephan had moved from the junior class by then, as he'd had his birthday, and he'd told me to wait for him just inside the doors, as the senior class finished a little later than we did. I didn't mind waiting in the slightest, and I was looking forward to seeing him after the long day, to chat about all the somethings and nothings we usually did after school.
-
I'd moved up to the senior classroom, having just had my thirteenth birthday, and even though I didn't want to leave Calluna behind, she was far too young to cope with the workload expected of the older children. She wasn't quite eight, and even though she was bright, she would have struggled. I think that was my first indication that I held deep feelings for her, because my first few days in the senior class were disastrous. I tried to concentrate, but no matter how hard I tried, my mind kept wandering, thinking of her sitting there in a different classroom. I missed her terribly. Eventually, towards the end of my second week in the class, my teacher called me aside at home time. I'd failed a test earlier in the day, and he wanted to discuss why I'd excelled in the junior class, but was failing so badly now I'd moved up. I knew Calluna was waiting for me, so I could walk home with her, and as the rest of the class filed out and my teacher beckoned to me, all I could do was hope that being inside the school would keep her safe. In the middle of talking to my teacher, however, that hope was utterly dashed.
I was in the middle of promising to do better, and explaining that I was quite simply missing my friend and settling in, when I glanced towards the open doorway. For a brief moment, Calluna's face peered around the door frame, but then, with a terrified sounding squeak, she vanished out of sight. She was a little nervous of my new teacher, and tended to either hide behind me or flatten herself to the nearest handy wall whenever he passed. I almost smiled, thinking of her hiding round the corner, just out of sight, and continued speaking with my teacher, believing Calluna was safely inside. There seemed to be a considerable amount of noise outside, but many of the students liked to hang around the school and talk, or play games before going home, so it never occurred to me that anything strange might be happening. Finally, my teacher dismissed me, telling me to try and work on making a new friend, to lessen the loneliness he sensed I was feeling, and I left the classroom, peering around the door frame with a grin, expecting to see Calluna there. But the corridor was empty.
-
Finally, the senior class came walking out, hoot-hollering and laughing amongst themselves, as usual. I was so busy scanning the mass of people, searching for Zephan, that I didn't notice the knot of boys hanging around opposite where I waited. Even if I had, I don't think there's much I could have done, like I said, I've always been small, and on the skinny side. The last few stragglers had left the classroom, and there was still no sign of Zephan. I decided that I'd walk to the classroom door, to see if he was still inside, but just as I managed to peek around the door frame and see him talking to the teacher, someone grabbed my wrist and dragged me backwards! Naturally I squealed, but it didn't do me much good. I ended up being hauled outside, and surrounded by the same knot of boys, the ones who'd formed a gang, and were terrorizing the village every weekend. One of them shoved me hard in the back, and I landed on my knees in the dirt, and started to cry. A few of them laughed, and one kicked up the dust under his feet, showering me with it. Then I was hauled unceremoniously back to my feet by the hair, to more laughter, and immediately shoved again, landing back on my knees, much to their amusement.
It was then that the name calling started. As I said before, Nolthrir were a rarity outside the submerged levels back then, so there were plenty of shouts of “freak” and “fish girl”, along with some other epithets I can no longer remember. Along with the insults were prodding fingers in my shoulders, more dust in my face, more shoving, and kicks to my legs whenever I managed to struggle to my feet, along with one over-enthusiastic soul slapping me soundly across the face, sending me sprawling, my teeth biting hard into my cheek. I was petrified, crying and squealing, wrapping my hands over my head whenever I stumbled and fell in a vain attempt to stop my hair from being pulled again. All of a sudden, the tormenting stopped, and the boys seemed to stand aside. I looked up, blinking back tears, and saw the son of the village chief standing over me, an oddly neutral look on his face.
I remember being relieved. Kellan would have been about seventeen then, and easily bigger than any of the rabble surrounding me. I started to gibber, almost, explaining what had happened, and asking him to help me. When I had finished, he just -looked- at me, and then gave me a smile that chilled me to the core. He reached over, and dragged me to my feet by my hair again, then turned to face the other boys, who had clustered up as soon as he took hold of me. “Who hasn't had a turn kicking the little freak?” he said, his voice dripping with satisfaction while I squealed and struggled in his grip, only my toes still on the floor. It was then he looked back over to the school, and beckoned. There stood Zephan, rooted to the floor in shock, his face pale.
-
In blind panic, I raced down the corridor, wildly hoping she'd simply decided to walk home alone. I reached the main doors, and burst through them. The sight on the other side froze me to the spot in horrified disbelief. There, in the small yard in front of the school, was the gang, standing in a cluster. In front of them was an exultant looking Kellan, dangling a terrified, squealing Calluna by the hair, her toes scuffing the dirt in arcs as she struggled against the pain. My heart hammered loud in my ears, and then, Kellan looked over at me, his expression a cruel, twisted smile. 'Who hasn't had a turn kicking the little freak?' he said, his voice satisfied and silken. He beckoned to me, just as though he was calling me over to the fallen tree, and then beckoned again, lifting Calluna up a little, and giving me a clear view of her face, a thin trickle of blood running from her mouth down her chin. I felt a white hot rage fill my entire body, and as he beckoned again, I straightened my spine, knowing what I had to do, and knowing what would happen as a result.
Time seemed to slow to a crawl. I walked towards Kellan, parting the cluster of boys as I strode through them. I grabbed Kellan's wrist with one hand, swinging a punch at his stomach with the other, then kicked his kneecap as hard as I could, twisting around and sinking my teeth into his arm, forcing him to drop Calluna as he stumbled and fell. Everyone started yelling at that point, and closing in on me, Dimir grabbing my arms and pinning them behind my back as Kellan stood up again, dusting himself off quite calmly. I struggled, but it was no use, Dimir was too strong for me to escape. Kellan nodded, just once, and the gang closed around me landing punch after punch to my ribcage and stomach, cheering one another on. Somehow, I managed to get my breath for a split second, and I yelled, barely recognising my voice, 'RUN! Please! Get on your feet and RUN!'. Somehow, Calluna heard me above the noise of the gang, and I saw her get to her feet and skitter away, picking up speed as she fled, just before Kellan's fist filled my vision, and everything went black.
-
All of a sudden, with absolute clarity, I knew why Zephan had been acting so differently when we were around the other children. He was a member of this gang! The knowledge turned into a lump of panic, lodged in my chest, making it difficult to breathe. I'd never really made friends with the other children, they all seemed wary of me being different, or quite simply content with the friends they'd already made. Zephan was the only one I considered a true friend, and yet, all of a sudden, I was certain I'd lost him, too. Kellan beckoned again, and from my restricted viewpoint, I saw Zephan stiffen, then walk over to where Kellan held me dangling by the hair, his face set in the thunderous expression he wore every school morning. I closed my eyes, terrified of what was about to happen, not wanting to see Zephan's face if he was going to be cruel to me.
Without warning, there was a low “oof”, and I found myself being dropped to the floor, my knees buckling underneath me so I collapsed in a heap, my head bouncing off the dirt. At first, I thought that Kellan wanted Zephan to kick dust in my face, or worse, kick me! My head swam, and I clapped my hands over my ears, because it seemed like everyone was yelling. In the midst of this cacophony, I heard Zephan, yelling too. His voice sounded odd, as though he was struggling to get the words out. 'RUN! Please! Get on your feet and RUN!' In a daze, I staggered up to my feet, and did just that, sprinting as fast as I possibly could across the main square and all the way up to our tiny house, diving behind the curtain to my alcove, burying myself under the patchwork blanket and sobbing my heart out, my hands wrapped tightly over my sore scalp, my insides wrenched with despair.
-
When the world swam nauseatingly into view again, I was in a bed at the healer's building, dressed in clean clothing. My entire body ached, and as my vision cleared, and I looked down at my hands, I saw that they were bloody and bruised, my knuckles aching terribly. I could barely move, even turning my head hurt. Nobody else seemed to be nearby, and the room was darkened. I closed my eyes, trying to keep myself together, hoping with all my heart that Calluna had made it home safely before the gang were done with me, and worrying that they'd somehow caught her before she reached safety. I started to cry, empty, hollow sobs, desperately needing to know that she hadn't been hurt, my ribs aching like fire as I heaved in each sobbing breath. Nobody was there to ask.
Two long weeks went by, and my injuries were tended carefully by Calluna's mother. Her father also hovered nearby during the day, his face grim. Though I hadn't spoken about what had happened to me, just before I was allowed to go back home, Calluna's mother sat beside my bed, asking to talk. I tried to answer her, but she shushed me, telling me to listen. 'I don't think you went hunting, Zephan' she said, almost in a whisper. 'I also think you should stay away from school from now on. I'll teach you, so your education won't suffer. Nobody will even blink if you become a healer's apprentice. But... you need to stay away from Calluna. Whoever did this to you can easily use her as a weapon, and we need to make them think the two of you have fallen out.' Dumbly, I nodded, agreeing with her. Kellan and his gang didn't even know how to honour a simple promise, after all, so any hint of a friendship between Calluna and I could put her in danger.
My mother came to collect me the following day, telling me, quite simply, that I would be staying home until she and my father decided they could trust me enough to let me out again. The walk from the healer's building to our house seemed to take forever, and I stumbled more than once, tired and woozy, feeling breathless. Not once did my mother stop to help me, although she was setting a slower pace than she'd usually take. As we came to our clearing, I quickly scanned the garden, but there was no sign of Calluna. A bitter taste filled my mouth. Apparently Calluna's mother didn't even intend to allow me to let her daughter know I was alright. My mother noticed me staring wistfully at their house, and let out a hiss of irritation. 'What is it with you and that girl?' she spat, scowling at me. I shook my head silently, not really knowing how to answer her. My mother sighed heavily, her expression softening into one of pity. 'Her parents mentioned a special dinner tonight, in honour of her birthday. That's probably why she isn't here to greet you.' With that, she led me inside our house, and settled me into my bed. The walk had wearied me so much, I don't even remember my head hitting the pillow.
I woke with a start, only to find myself in the house alone, and the day already brightening. Though it took me several attempts, I managed to haul myself out of bed and to my feet, wincing as I got myself dressed. Though my mother had left me some breakfast, along with a note to stay in the house, I didn't sit down to eat it. Instead, I gathered it up into a basket, and quietly walked out of the door, heading for the hut, hoping that Calluna would be there. Another endless seeming walk later, I stumbled through the doorway of our hut, and, finding I was alone, hauled myself over to the pile of cushions, making myself something of a nest, and drifted off to sleep there, despite best efforts to stay awake. I'm not sure how long I slept, but when I finally awoke, it never occurred to me to move. Instead, I lay curled on the cushions, thinking. Calluna was as good as gone from my life, I grew more sure of that as each moment passed. Likely her parents had confined her to her house, too. What was I going to do if the gang decided to target her again? How would I manage, now I wasn't going back to school? My thoughts grew increasingly more upsetting, and I imagined all kinds of horrors befalling us, now I'd betrayed Kellan. It was then that the sweetest sight under the crystal stepped through the hut door.
-
It was a couple of hours later when my parents returned home, by which time I'd calmed down enough to be convincing when I turned down supper, pretending I was tired. As I lay there in my little alcove, I overheard their muted voices, discussing a reckless patient, who had been out hunting, and bitten off more than he could chew. As they discussed various remedies for his injuries, and my mother tsk tsked at his cavalier behaviour, I listened closely, hoping to discover some method of soothing my burning scalp. Suddenly, my father's rumbling voice blurted out “The boy is bruised to a pulp! How could Zephan be so reckless? He left Calluna to walk home alone while he went -hunting-?! The boy has NO sense!” My mother's soothing tones immediately replied, “Well, he's never done anything like this before, my love... every boy needs to play the daredevil once in a while. You were no different...” I rolled over, placing my hands over my ears, not wanting to hear any more. Zephan, my beloved friend, had been beaten up for defending me.
Strangely, after that day, people seemed to give me a wide berth. It was almost as though people feared becoming a target by standing too close to me. Even the boys in the gang avoided me wherever possible. Looking back, I think they were just trying to save their own skins from the truth of what happened, but back then, I was simply relieved not to have to go through another torment similar. Zephan didn't come back to school that week, nor the week after that. My birthday came and went without me really noticing it, though my parents tried their best to encourage me to celebrate. The day after that wasn't a school day, so I decided to go out to the hut, my first visit since Zephan got beaten up. Imagine my surprise when I found him there, curled up on the pillows, a look of desolation on his face.
-
I panicked, remembering what her mother had said, and blurted out 'Don't tell your parents I'm here!' struggling to try and get up. She quickly stepped inside, closing the door, and bustled over, helping me get into a seated position, with me leaning over first one way, then the other, trying my best to help her. She took a cushion, and flopped down on it, opposite me, her expression a mixture of happiness and worry that brought a lump to my throat. I began finger combing her hair, trying to soothe her, and lowered my head to think. Somehow, I had to explain. I'd seen the terrified look on her face when she saw me, and I knew that for a few moments, she'd been as frightened of me as she was of Kellan. The words came tumbling out before I had chance to register what I was saying. 'I almost died inside when I saw what Kellan was doing, Calluna... I couldn't live with myself if I stood by and watched you get hurt. You're my little treasure, did you know that? Those others... my so called 'friends'... they aren't friends at all... I know that now.' She didn't reply, she just began to stroke my hair gently, as if in forgiveness and understanding. I sighed heavily, and took her other hand in both of mine, knowing that we were both in need of reassurance.
As I looked up again, she gave a sad little smile, and began to cry. I just leaned my forehead against hers, and closed my eyes, allowing my own tears to come. We sat there, silent and still, for a long, long while, no words needing to be spoken. She was first to break the silence, telling me what had happened to her that day, how she'd been dragged outside, and what the gang had done to her. She told me how she'd run home, and of overhearing her parents conversation after they got home that night. For my part, I told her how I'd thought she was safe, just hiding from the teacher, and that had I known, I would have done anything to prevent the attack from happening. We spoke about our parents, and how they'd reacted to the attack, though I kept her mother's words to myself. And I remember us both saying, over and over, 'I'm so scared...' After that, no more words would come, and we both fell silent.
In the silence, my thoughts kept churning, analysing that day, and everything that had followed. My head began swimming, and at one point, I thought I was going to faint. And then, as if from nowhere, everything suddenly came into focus, with absolute clarity. I initially thought I'd stood up to Kellan because I wanted to do the right thing. But it was much much more than that. I knew then, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would do anything to defend Calluna, even if that meant sacrificing myself. That was the reason I'd stood up to Kellan, not out of any altruism, but because he was hurting her, and that was the one thing in this world I couldn't bear. It was then I came to the realisation that she'd had me wrapped around her little finger since she was tiny. That thought filled me with an incredible warmth, and a feeling of utter peace brought tears to my eyes. I opened my mouth then, to tell her... well I don't know what I would have said, but I felt an incredible urge to speak. At that moment, the hut door burst open, and my father strode inside, his face a mask of fear, worry, and anger. He didn't speak a word to either of us. He simply picked me up off the cushions, and walked out without a backwards glance, taking me home.
-
“Don't tell your parents I'm here!” he blurted, trying to shuffle himself into a seated position. His face was mottled with fading bruises, yellow and green, and he seemed to be having trouble moving quickly. I rushed over, trying to help him to sit up, not the easiest of tasks when you're small. Between us, we managed to get him settled on the cushions, and I sat opposite him, peering into his face, worried for him, and oh, so incredibly grateful to see him again. He reached over and started finger combing my hair, lowering his head and speaking in a low, controlled-sounding voice. “I almost died inside when I saw what Kellan was doing, Calluna... I couldn't live with myself if I stood by and watched you get hurt. You're my little treasure, did you know that? Those others... my so called 'friends'... they aren't friends at all... I know that now.” In reply, I said nothing, instead reaching out to finger comb his hair in an attempt to soothe him, as he had done so often for me when I was tiny. He gave a shuddery sounding sigh, and took my free hand in both of his, holding it tight.
I have no idea how long we sat there, even to this day. We were both silent at first, just taking comfort from not being alone. I couldn't even say who moved first, all I remember is my forehead gently resting against his, and both of us crying. We spoke for what seemed like hours, about the attack, about our parents, about how scared we were. After this, we were silent for a long while, once again just taking comfort in each other's company. In the silence, Zephan suddenly gave a loud sigh. I looked up, only to find him seemingly relaxing as if he'd suddenly been handed peace from some unknown source. I squeezed his hands, not knowing what else to do, and he peered into my face as though searching it and smiled a little, though tears began rolling down his cheeks. He took a breath, opening his mouth to speak, and the door burst open, slamming into the wooden wall beside it, making us both jump in fright. In the doorway stood his father, who stalked into the tiny hut, picking Zephan up bodily and walking out without a word. I didn't dare follow, and simply remained where I was, trailing slowly back home after I was sure they were gone.
-
The next two weeks seemed to be filled with arguments. My parents had been thoroughly scared by coming home and finding me gone, and though my father had a good idea of where to find me, they'd still presumed the worst. There was more to it than that, however. My mother felt certain that I was too childish for my age, and that Calluna was squarely to blame. My father did protest at first, but my mother's vehemence eventually won through. 'You are thirteen! FAR too old to be playing childish games with someone five years your junior!' I did try to protest, and to tell her that I viewed Calluna as a younger sister, someone to be protected, but my words fell on deaf ears. My mother peered at me, and narrowed her eyes, studying me for a long, uncomfortable time, then threw her hands up, exasperated, turning away. My father gave a heavy sigh, and scowled, telling me 'It is high time you grew up, son. When I was your age, I was apprenticed. Now, it's your turn. Anarylae has agreed to teach you the healer's trade.'
My life seemed to be filled with task after task from then on. I'd go to the healer's building with my parents every morning, and observe them tending their patients, taking notes so they could test me later. Anarylae, Calluna's mother, heaped more work onto me, giving me Crystal Way drills and exercises to practise and perfect. As the apprentice, I was also expected to keep the healer's building clean and tidy, packing away crates of supplies as they arrived, making sure that beds were made and floors were swept and mopped. I'd leave home before it got light every morning, and wouldn't trudge home until after it had started to get dark. There was no time outside my work for anything other than sleep, and the world seemed drained of all colour and vibrancy. Though this only lasted for a few short weeks, at the time, it seemed like half a lifetime.
After the drudgery of my first few apprenticed weeks, Anarylae said she'd be starting my formal training that evening after work. With this knowledge, the end of the day seemed to come quickly. Anarylae was planning on running my lessons at her house, and that meant I'd see Calluna again, for the first time since that day in the hut. Just before we left, however, she took me on one side. 'Your mother has asked me to keep you away from Calluna, Zephan. She thinks that spending time with her will make you lapse in your studies... I'm sorry, but I can't let you see her, not even in the house.' My mood crashed. How could they do this? I didn't understand why such a fuss was being made over a girl I'd known my whole life. We left for home, with my mother telling Anarylae that she'd send me over after we'd eaten. As we reached the top of the long hill, I saw Calluna, bounding over the grass as she used to when she was tiny, only to be pulled up short by her father. He explained the situation as I hung my head, not wanting her to see my face. After dinner, I went over for my lesson, only to find that Calluna had already been sent to bed. Whenever Anarylae wasn't looking, I stole glances at the curtained alcove I knew she slept in, hoping to catch a glimpse that Calluna was inside, but I saw nothing.
Over the course of the next year, my life seemed to consist of endless, routine-filled days. I'd rise before dawn, and fall asleep long after dark, weary and shaking, only to have to rise and repeat the process the following day. It felt like my parents were determined to work me into the ground. Calluna was little more than a wistful memory. I never saw her to speak to, and she seemed to be actively avoiding me whenever I actually had the time to glance up from my drudgery. At best, I'd see her out of the window, doing some domestic task, her glorious curls braided close to her head, giving her an odd, shorn appearance. Seeing her like that made me upset. She always looked sad, pre-occupied, and I could have sworn that she was thinner than I remember her being, giving her a brittle, easily breakable air, as though she might blow away in the wind. About a month before her birthday, though, it seemed as if she'd been given a little more freedom, and I'd see her in the garden, plucking at the grass idly, or standing at the clearing's edge, staring out in the direction of our little hut.
-
Two weeks passed by, during which I was grounded, having got back late that night. Zephan still hadn't reappeared at school, and I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever see him again. I visited the little hut whenever I dared, but he wasn't there either. Then, as I got home from school one evening, I spotted my parents strolling along the road, chatting with Zephan's parents, and behind them, a weary looking Zephan. Unthinking, I ran right out of the house, down the road, and skidded to a halt in front of the group, out of breath. “Back home, young lady,” said my father. “We're having an early dinner tonight, and then your mother will be going over Zephan's lessons with him.”
“Lessons? What lessons?” I asked, looking between my mother and Zephan, confused. Where had he been? Why wasn't he in school? So many questions, and no answers. But as I found out, our parents were trying to push him down a path he didn't want to follow.
That night, in our tiny house, I was sent to bed early, right after dinner, in fact. To say I resented this was an understatement to say the least. Zephan was right there, on the other side of the curtain, and yet, I wasn't even permitted to be in the same room as he was. Instead, I was sent to bed like a baby. I don't know how long I laid there, wide awake, listening to his voice in the main room. My mother was teaching him the healer's trade, at the request of his parents. They were alarmed by his recklessness in wanting to be a hunter, not knowing that he hadn't been attacked by some random beast, and were determined to find a more peaceful trade for him. That explained his removal from school, the fact I rarely saw him, everything. After he left that night, I cried myself to sleep, making sure to stay quiet, not wanting my parents to hear me.
A year went by, and I saw less and less of Zephan. My only real comfort was the training sessions he had at our house, because then at least I could hear his voice. Our parents seemed determined to keep us as separated as possible, heaping chores on me after school, and insisting I went to bed before he set foot in the house. His fourteenth birthday came around, and I wasn't even allowed to personally hand over the gift I'd made for him. Instead, my mother told me she'd give it to him during his next training session. After that, though, things seemed to ease, at least for me. My parents stopped overloading me with chores, and I was allowed a little more freedom. Zephan, on the other hand, looked more and more tired and withdrawn when I saw him at our house, barely even looking at me. I still had early bedtimes when he was there, and it seemed as though he had forgotten me.
-
I'd managed to sneak out of the house a few times before her birthday, gathering charmflowers in the dark, and pressing them so they'd last, putting them into a simple little frame I'd managed to knock together from some scrap wood I'd found. Although my carpentry skills were far from good, I was happy with the result, thinking she could keep it, so she'd always have flowers. I knew that neither her parents or mine would allow me to give the gift to her personally, and so, on the day itself, I approached Anarylae, offering her the gift instead. 'This is for Calluna. I know its her birthday. I know I can't see her.... I just wanted to get her something nice...' Anarylae gave me a sunny, bright smile, and nodded. 'Zephan... I'd like to conduct another lesson after lunch. In fact, we should be going. The house is quieter than here.' She didn't take the gift from me, in fact, she didn't even mention it, or thank me. My heart sank lower than I remember it ever being, and I followed her all the way to the clearing, numbly, my spurned gift still dangling from my hand.
When we reached the house, Anarylae opened the door, looked inside, then turned to me and smiled. 'There's someone in here who would very much like a visit from you, Zephan.' she said, then crossed the threshold. I followed, a little hesitantly, standing just inside the door, as she crossed to the alcove and shook Calluna's shoulder. 'Calluna? Calluna! Wake up, I have a surprise for you...' she said, her voice warm. Calluna simply jerked her shoulder out of Anarylae's hand, refusing to acknowledge her. I took a hesitant step forward, and cleared my throat. 'Happy Birthday Treas...um....' Calluna started to turn her head, and then, out of nowhere, a childish joy flooded through me, and I grinned, unable to stop myself. I've never seen anyone move so fast! She saw me, and then, she seemed to be on her feet without actually getting to them, simply springing up from the bed, staring at me, then her mother, a flash of hope in her eyes. Anarylae broke the rather stunned silence, chuckling and saying 'Well, go on, get out of here! And enjoy your birthday!' I grabbed Calluna's hand, unable to believe my luck, and ran out the door with her before Anarylae changed her mind.
I don't think I've ever experienced anything quite like that afternoon. We ran wildly, until I spotted a tree with deep moss beneath it, flopping down and pulling Calluna down to sit beside me. She folded her arms around one of mine, I took her hand... and we just sat. No idle chatter, no catching up, no deep and meaningful conversation. Somehow, none of that seemed necessary. She cried, silently, the tears rolling down her face, while her expression changed from sad to happy. I just nodded, showing her I understood, and wiped her face gently when the tears stopped flowing. It was as though the rest of the world had melted away. Nothing else seemed necessary, and I would have been more than content to stay there forever. A small part of me didn't understand this. Here I was, fourteen, and I suddenly realised that my feelings went much deeper than a need to protect Calluna. I thought back to when I'd realised that she had me wrapped around her little finger, and it was only then that I managed to put a name on what I was feeling. I was shocked at myself, but the feeling didn't go away.
I found myself dwelling on all the times I'd spent with her, right from the first day we met, and how entranced I was by her tiny, delicate stature. My head span with it all, and still the feeling didn't fade. If anything, it grew more intense, overwhelming me until I could barely think. Still I shied away from admitting that what I felt was what I'd already recognized it to be. Instead, I made a deliberate effort to calm myself down. That's when I made a vow to myself, that no matter what, when she was finally old enough, I'd marry her, if she'd have me. There would never be anyone else for me, my heart was already utterly hers. It was then that I heard noises coming from a gap in the trees. I looked up, ready to grab Calluna's hand and run, but then, my mother appeared, walking towards us, her expression livid.
-
My ninth birthday came around, and my mother spent the morning looking extremely conspiratorial. Though I was upset, having been sent to bed for one of Zephan's training sessions the previous night, her mood did pique my curiosity, and she kept smiling at me until finally, I smiled back. She had work to do late that morning, and was bustling around getting ready, leaving me sitting in my alcove with the curtain pulled back, so I didn't get in her way. As she was about to leave, she turned to me and said “There's something I meant to return to you. Over there, on the other bed.” With that, she left, closing the door behind her. I slowly clambered out of my alcove, walking around to theirs. On their bed sat the gift I'd made for Zephan's birthday, unopened. I picked it up, took it back to my alcove, and burst into tears. How could she? After getting my hopes up for a nice day, she'd given me the one thing that could crush my fragile good mood into dust! I suppose I should have trusted her, but at the time, I felt like I'd just been flattened utterly.
By the time my mother returned, it was early afternoon. I'd cried up a storm, and finally fallen asleep, clutching Zephan's birthday gift tightly and curled into a ball. She placed her hand on my shoulder, and gently shook it. “Calluna? Calluna! Wake up, I have a surprise for you...” I'm ashamed to admit it, but I jerked my shoulder out of her grasp, not wanting to celebrate my birthday after what I perceived as her cruel trick of earlier. Then came a voice I'd recognize anywhere. “Happy Birthday Treas...um....” Stunned, I slowly turned my head, and sure enough, there was Zephan, a gift package in his hands, and a boyish grin on his face. I don't know how I managed to get to my feet so quickly, but without my realising, there I was, on my feet, staring between him and my mother, speechless. My mother was the one who broke the happy silence with a, “Well, go on, get out of here! And enjoy your birthday!” We didn't need telling twice, heading into the forest at a dead run, laughing as though we were four and nine again.
That afternoon was idyllic. The sun was shining, and the earth smelled the same as my memory of our arrival in the village. We spent most of it quietly, Zephan leaning against a tree, holding my hand, me leaning my head on his shoulder, just the same as if I'd taken a tumble and he was soothing away my tears. I know I cried that afternoon, only to have my tears wiped away gently. Our gifts sat on the grass beside us, unopened and forgotten. It might sound strange when I write it, but it was that afternoon when I first realised that what I felt went deeper than any crush. Back then I couldn't put a name on it, I just knew I didn't want to be alone while Zephan was in the world. I don't recall us talking much. I'm sure we did, but the conversation is one I have no memory of. All I remember is how safe I felt with my hand enveloped in Zephan's.
After we'd been there a couple of hours, we heard movement in the trees up ahead of us, back towards the direction of the village. There were several wild creatures living there, so we didn't really think anything of it, remaining as we were. The noises came closer, and then, without warning, Zephan's mother came through a gap between the trees, her arms folded. Zephan sat up with a gasp of surprise, his face guilty, and tried to loosen his hand from mine. I almost burst into tears, knowing that it was over, and that we'd be separated for good this time. Closer and closer his mother came, her arms still folded, a stern, unyielding expression on her face. Eventually, she was standing directly in front of us, silent. Neither of us had any idea what to do, and for a moment, it seemed we were frozen in tableau, waiting for someone to speak first.
-
No sooner had my mother reached the spot where we were sitting than Calluna's mother followed, coming through the same gap in the trees, calling my mother's name. She approached, and in the gentlest of voices, said, 'Soteria, they're not doing anything wrong. You know how miserable they've both been without each other, and I'm sure you'd rather see Zephan happy, just as I'd rather see Calluna with a smile on her face. Come on now, leave the children be.' My mother's livid expression softened, and she gave me a small, wistful smile before turning, and following Calluna's mother back through the gap in the trees. We were left to make our own way home, at our own speed, and somehow, I knew that our enforced separation was at an end.
After that day, we were allowed to spend time together again, even though we were both growing busier. We slowly began cleaning up the hut, which had reverted to its wild, overgrown, bug ridden state during our year apart. We'd spend most of the weekend down there, talking, fishing in the stream, though we never caught anything, and simply 'playing house' as my mother disparagingly termed it. I wasn't getting along well with my training, and longed to try my hand at being a hunter. Calluna was preparing for her move into the senior class, and was very nervous, still being small for her age. Despite her fears, she made the transition with no problems, and aside from still being a little scared of the teacher, she seemed to be managing reasonably well, as I thought she would. That was when we started talking about our feelings, as I recall. She was thirteen, pretty, and I wanted her to know how I felt before some other boy asked her on a date. I just never expected it to be so difficult!
The first barrier, of course, was our age difference. Five years might not seem a lot to most people, but when she was thirteen, I'd already had my eighteenth birthday. I was ready to go out and make my own way in the world, but she was still at school, and I worried that she would fear me, thinking I was like the other boys, who seemed to lead the girls her age along, only wanting one thing from them, that not being any sort of relationship...The differences between us were marked. I was broad shouldered, and a few inches taller than even the tallest of Dermorians, and I towered over her. She had remained small and delicate, and it didn't look like she would grow any taller. I didn't want to frighten her, and so, my lips stayed firmly sealed, even though I felt it was only a matter of time before some other lucky boy would sweep her off her feet.
And then, there was my mother. She immediately suspected my secret, and spent every spare moment telling me I ought to find someone my own age. At work, she kept inviting girls to eat lunch with us, parading them in front of me with a supercilious look on her face that made me inwardly cringe. None of the girls she introduced me to ever hung around after those lunches, and none of them even interested me as people, either. There quite simply was no substitute under the Crystal for Calluna, despite my mother's best efforts. Eventually, she realized this, and those awkward lunches stopped. The arguments didn't, though. Every night, she'd hiss at me, asking 'Why haven't you found a nice girl to settle down with yet?' I must admit, I did nothing to improve her mood, because my reply was invariably, 'I -have- found a nice girl. I'm just waiting for her to grow up.'
-
I huddled in on myself after that frozen moment, waiting for the coming storm. Zephan was trembling, and I could tell he was just as afraid as I was. It was then that we heard more rustling noises from the direction of the house, and my mother's voice shouting “Soteria?” She came through the same gap in the trees as Zephan's mother had, and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Soteria,” she said, “They're not doing anything wrong. You know how miserable they've both been without each other, and I'm sure you'd rather see Zephan happy, just as I'd rather see Calluna with a smile on her face. Come on now, leave the children be.” Zephan's mother glanced down at us once more, her expression softening, and she turned away, allowing my mother to lead her from the clearing.
After we got home that day, things eased for us considerably. Though Zephan still attended his lessons with my mother, and I had school work to do, our parents reached an understanding, and we were allowed some time at weekends to do as we pleased. So came the long conversations. We'd pack enough food for a whole day, and go down to the hut for a talk. The place had grown dusty in our absence, and we spent the first few weekends getting it clean again. After that, we'd just talk. Zephan confided in me that he was struggling with the healer's training, and still longed to be a hunter, and I told him where I was struggling with school work. Time rolled by, and soon enough, I was in the senior class, and beginning to fill out somewhat. Zephan had grown tall and solid built, and I began feeling like something of a midget beside him, not even reaching his shoulder any more.
-
A couple of years had passed by then, and I still hadn't openly told Calluna how I felt about her. She had hinted at her feelings for me, and I'd responded with hints of my own, but neither of us had openly declared what we both felt. She was on the verge of fifteen, and I'd just turned twenty. I still thought she was too young, and that us getting together would cause a scandal, not to mention that she needed to concentrate on school. I hadn't heard of her dating anyone, which made me privately exultant. Selfishly, I wanted to be the only one who ever had that privilege. It sounds so arrogant to say, but it wasn't that I wanted to keep her to myself for my sake, but for hers. I knew I'd never break her heart, I just didn't want anyone else breaking it, either. I wondered if there would ever be a 'right time' to be open with her about how I felt, and then, something happened which made the timing perfect, though even now, I would have preferred a gentler approach to that moment.
The weekend after my twenty-first birthday, we'd decided to go down to the hut for one of our long and involved talks. We'd been doing this for quite a while, and took it in turns to bring along enough food for the day, still dipping water from the stream when we felt thirsty. It happened to be Calluna's turn, and she'd gone to get fresh bread from the village, telling me she'd see me at the hut. I still regret not walking into the village with her, though maybe if I had, the 'right time' wouldn't have presented itself. Who knows? Regardless, I set out for the hut, taking what food she'd already packed, and spent the wait plumping cushions and generally tidying the place. I'd just decided to go out and pick some flowers for her when she burst through the door at a dead run, slamming right into my chest and flinging her arms around me. The surprise almost knocked me off balance, but I managed to steady us both somehow, asking her what had happened.
She looked up at me, wild eyed, and squeaked 'Kellan!' That one name told me all I needed to know. I scooped her up, not wanting to let her go, and closed the door firmly. She was shaking like a leaf in the wind, and clinging to me, so I said, 'I won't let him hurt you any more, Treasure... Never again.' I turned to set her on her feet, then, before I was aware I was doing it, I leaned in and placed the gentlest kiss I could manage on her lips. Kellan must have thoroughly scared her, though, because as soon as I let go of her, she stumbled, as though her legs had quite simply given way beneath her. I managed to prevent her from falling, and carried her over to the cushions, so I could make sure she wasn't hurt.
'Did he hurt you?' I asked, growing more worried by the second as she sat there, staring wide eyed at me. She shook her head quickly, and as the relief flooded into me, she said 'You kissed me!' I was stunned. I hadn't realised that I'd actually kissed her... I'd imagined that particular moment for so long, it didn't occur to me that I'd made it a reality. It took me a few seconds to replay the moment before I replied, 'Uh... yes... I've wanted to for a long time, its just that...um... I didn't know if you'd want me to...' all the while inwardly kicking myself for sounding so gauche, and for losing control enough to kiss her without telling her how I felt beforehand. Then, she whispered something that made my stomach turn excited flip-flops. 'I've wanted you to for a long time now.' I took a deep breath, and sighed, then explained to her that I'd feel guilty about starting a relationship with her while she was still at school, not to mention the fact that I couldn't support us both. She insisted everything would work out fine, but agreed that at the very least, she ought to finish her exams before we pursued our feelings for one another any further.
-
The weekend after Zephan had just turned twenty-one, we'd arranged to go to the hut for another one of our talks, as was our long ingrained habit by now. There was no bread in the house, and as it was my turn to pack food, I ushered Zephan to go on ahead, while I went into the village to buy a few small loaves. The day was pleasant, and there were several people around the square, talking, bargaining and bartering. I headed for the bakery, not wanting to keep Zephan waiting too long. I'd almost reached the door when I tripped over something, and landed on my knees. Sighing, I went to get up, intending to berate myself for my clumsiness and dust myself off, but a sneering voice froze me to the spot, chilling my blood. “Where's your boyfriend, freak?” Kellan. My insides turned to ice, and I didn't answer.
Somehow, I managed to stumble to my feet and run, blindly sprinting across the square and up towards my parents home. I still don't know whether he followed me or not, but knowing my parents were out, I ran past, and straight down to the little hut, wrenching the door open and crashing into a surprised Zephan, flinging my arms around him. “What happened?” he exclaimed, catching me and steadying himself before we both toppled over. “Kellan!” I squeaked, looking worriedly up at him. His face darkened, and his arms tightened around me. Rather than letting go, he simply picked me up, crossed to the door and pulled it closed. “I won't let him hurt you any more, Treasure... Never again.”, he said. Then, in one fluid motion, he turned from the door, set me carefully on my feet, leaned in and gave me the most gentle of kisses. He had to pick me up again directly afterwards, because my knees promptly turned to water on the spot, and he carried me to the cushions, setting me down there instead, looking worried.
“Did he hurt you?” Zephan asked, scanning my face, his eyes clouded and his expression troubled. I managed to shake my head, then smiled up at him. “You kissed me!” I said, inwardly berating myself for stating the obvious. “Uh... yes” he replied, looking rather sheepish. “I've wanted to for a long time, its just that...um... I didn't know if you'd want me to...” I almost laughed, but managed to simply smile and whisper, “I've wanted you to for a long time now.” And then, if you can believe it, we talked! Zephan seemed keen to make something of himself before my schooling was done, and then there was the fact that I did need to pass exams. We decided not to take things any further until I turned sixteen. Back then, I thought those were going to be the longest few months of my life. How mistaken I was...
-
When I got home that night, my mother immediately started yet another argument. Only this time, I felt confident enough to argue back. It didn't go down well. She kept berating me for not finding someone my own age, and I kept insisting that it was Calluna or nobody. As if that wasn't bad enough, though, I blurted out that I wouldn't be finishing my healer's training, as I wanted to be able to provide a home for Calluna and I as soon as possible. I've never seen my mother so angry. She yelled at me so loud I could barely make out a word she said, and then began throwing things at me, telling me to get out of her house. I stood there, letting her push me backwards until I was in the doorway, and then, I calmly turned, and went to spend the night in the hut. No matter what my mother thought, I'd made my decision. Calluna, or nobody.
It was my father who smoothed things over somewhat. Though relations between my mother and I remained tense, she never ordered me out of the house again during an argument. That said, there were times when I'd go and spend the night down there anyway, sick of all the shouting. The only reasons she could ever give for me not being with Calluna were the ones I'd discussed already with Calluna herself, so essentially, she was yelling at me for something I agreed with her on. I never did get the chance to tell her that, though, she rarely let me speak, simply venting her frustrations on me every time she could. We managed to put on a more united front for Calluna's sixteenth birthday, going over to her house for a meal as a family, although I was relieved when my parents decided to go home early. Calluna asked me why I looked so irritated after they'd gone, but I refused to tell her about the arguments, not wanting to spoil her day.
It would have been a month later when Calluna was due to graduate. I'd told her that we needed to talk, and said I'd be there to collect her from school. As I was getting ready to leave, though, my mother stopped me, blocking the doorway of our house, and screaming at me. Again, she'd worked herself up into such a frenzy that I could barely make out what she was saying. All of a sudden, I started to get annoyed. I'd never done anything wrong, and surely my mother, of all people, ought to know what kind of person I was! She advanced on me, still yelling, and I quite simply side-stepped her, and walked out of the door. As I reached the edge of the clearing, I broke into an easy, loping run, knowing I was late.
Running down the hill made me feel free. Calluna was done with her schooling, and finally... finally we could start making plans for the future. I increased my speed, just to enjoy the wind whipping my hair behind me. That's when I reached the village square, and noticed Calluna, backing into the school doorway, and Kellan, advancing on her. Without breaking stride, I sprinted the final few yards over to the school, lifting my arm up straight, and charged directly into Kellan, my fist connecting hard with his jaw, knocking him off his feet like a falling tree. I dived straight after him, swinging punches with both fists, every pent-up emotion I'd bottled adding to the force of each swing. He recovered faster than I'd expected, though, and began retaliating, giving me a few hard punches in the face. A red mist seemed to settle over my vision, and I grabbed his hair, smashing his face into the floor. To this day, I'm grateful that we were in the school yard, because if the teachers hadn't pulled us apart, I don't think I would have been able to stop hitting him. As it was, I managed to wrestle free, punching him a few more times before I suddenly realised what I'd done. With that, my hands flopped to my sides, and the teachers led me away, leaving Calluna standing on the steps alone. Kellan, at least, had the good sense to realise he couldn't do anything to her then, and walked away, his gait uneven.
-
The fights began almost immediately. Zephan went home that day and told his parents he could make better money hunting than he could healing. When they asked why, he was honest with them, telling them how he wanted to be ready for when I was old enough to consider settling down. You could hear the yelling clear across to my house, and my parents asked me some very pointed questions. I did answer truthfully, but I was worried they'd try and keep us apart again. Things seemed to settle down to a simmer, although there were a few nights when we'd hear yelling and the occasional breaking of crockery. Then came my sixteenth birthday. It passed pleasantly enough, though I noticed that Zephan was wearing one of his more sullen expressions until his parents went home. For the first time, he refused to talk about it, saying he didn't want to worry me, which, of course, only made me worry even more. The next month flew by, and I managed to do myself credit in my tests. The last day of school seemed to sneak up on me while I wasn't looking.
Zephan had said he would be waiting for me outside, so we could have a little celebration. As for me, I was looking forward to the relative freedom being out of school would bring me, and I was secretly hoping that the last day of school would mean that Zephan and I could pick up from that shy little kiss so many months ago, and see where it led us. I opened the school door, wanting to savour my last crossing of the threshold, and paused, looking outside for Zephan. Instead, I saw Kellan, who approached me with a sour looking grin, cracking his knuckles. “Hello, freak.” he said, looking me up and down. “Ugh, there's barely enough of you to make a whole person, is there? No challenge at all.” I began slowly backing inside, intending to run and find one of the teachers. Kellan smirked at me, then, out of nowhere, a blurred figure knocked him to the ground. Zephan had arrived to collect me, just in time.
They writhed in the dust, trading punches, Kellan's height offset by Zephan's solid frame. I covered my face, not wanting to look, but somehow unable to look away. At first, it seemed as though Kellan had the upper hand, however, this quickly changed, and I had the dubious privilege to witness Zephan holding Kellan's hair and pounding his face into the floor. I must have let out a squeal, because suddenly, two of the teaching staff raced past me, bursting through the doors to break up the fight. Zephan tried to wrestle them off, and even landed another few punches on Kellan's already swollen face, but then, the fight seemed to drain out of him, and he allowed the teachers to pull him away, leaving Kellan to pick himself up. He turned to me and gave me the nastiest grin I think I've ever seen, then walked away, holding his side. I walked home alone, knowing this meant disaster for any plans Zephan and I might have had for the foreseeable future.
-
I was escorted to the council buildings, and locked in a cell. Over the next few days, I was questioned by the council over and over again. I answered all their questions with complete truthfulness, but none of them seemed to believe a word I said. Food was brought, which I didn't eat, and day and night-time alike found me unable to sleep. I was sure that I would be sent into the Crystal. After all, I'd attacked the chief's son, and he'd definitely come out much worse than me. I did have a black eye, and my lip was swollen, but according to my father, his injuries were so bad that it took two days before anyone even recognized him. Oddly, I didn't feel guilty about that. The guilt that kept me from sleeping at nights was how badly I'd failed Calluna. Now, I wouldn't be there to protect her, and there would be no future together.
I still don't quite know what happened, but after four or five days of being locked in that cell, my parents came to collect me. I was free to go, it seemed, although my father told me that I'd been bound to stay away from Kellan from now on. My mother, on the other hand, used the entire incident against me. She spent an entire week screaming at me, telling me how worthless I was and irresponsibly I'd acted, and how I'd never make a fit husband for any woman if I behaved like a brute. I was so beaten by this point, I started to believe her. How could I possibly provide any sort of life for Calluna if I reacted like this when she was threatened? She needed me to be dependable, not to solve problems with my fists! I had to get away, so she at least had a chance at finding someone who didn't react to everything by starting a fight. It hurt terribly, but I knew that I had no choice. I had to let her go. As I came to this decision, my mother broke me from my thoughts with that same phrase she'd said a few years before. 'Get out of my house!' I looked from her to my father, who refused to look me in the eye. It seemed, from his silence, that he was backing her up. I didn't even protest, or stop to collect anything. I just walked out of the door, not stopping to look back. There was nothing left for me there now, anyway.
-
The next few days went by in a haze. I'm sure if I'd collected my tears, I could have filled a lake. There was talk of sending Zephan into the Crystal, after all, Kellan was the village chief's son, and nobody believed me when I said he was threatening me, and Zephan had rushed to my defence. Only my mother seemed to see the truth in my words, speaking quietly to me after my father was asleep, asking me questions about when Zephan had been beaten bloody, all those years ago. I told her that Zephan had defended me back then, too, and she promised to speak with the village council on his behalf. After she had, things seemed to quieten down, and Zephan and Kellan were merely warned to stay well away from one another, the fight chalked up to young males being young males. Zephan's parents took this injunction to heart, and practically locked him in their house. I didn't see him for almost a week, and the arguments echoed through the night again.
Then, after that week, there were two, maybe three nights of utter silence. I wondered what was going on, but I didn't dare ask, not even my mother, who seemed to be very sad about something. She didn't even acknowledge me when I asked about beginning my healing lessons, simply saying “later.” and carrying on with what she was doing. There were a few times when I saw Zephan's mother scurrying out of the house, but she never stopped, even when she'd clearly seen I was there. Finally, I decided to go over and ask what had happened, and where Zephan had gone. I knocked on the door, and waited. After what seemed like forever, his mother came to the door. “I know why you're here.” she said. Without waiting for my reply, she went on, “Zephan has left. As far as I know, he won't be coming back.” She closed the door in my face at that point, and left me standing on her doorstep, staring at the door in shock.
What could I do? With no shred of hope to go on, no indication as to where Zephan had gone, and no way of defending myself, I hadn't a chance of travelling to find him. I was trapped in the village, alone, and it felt like my heart had been ripped out. I scurried between Healers' Hall and home like a frightened animal, too scared to walk at a normal pace, in case Kellan happened to be feeling callous that day. There was more than once I didn't make it home in one piece. Kellan had taken to hiding somewhere along the few routes I could take to get home, and seemed to take delight in jumping out on me and punching me in the face. I soon learned to hide my bruises under my hair. The bloody noses were a little more difficult, as was the time he hit me over the head with a stick. I grew quite skilful at covering the bumps and abrasions, and took to wearing either long pants or a long dress to hide the lumps where I'd been kicked, or tripped.
It was no kind of life, but there seemed to be no way out, either. I'd travel home with a colleague, only for us to go our separate ways to our doors and find Kellan sitting outside, waiting for me right in the open, knowing my parents weren't there to witness what he was doing. He'd make sure that there were no witnesses, so it was his word against mine, and after what had happened between him and Zephan, the council made it clear that they would side with him, nodding politely my way and saying things like “My my, tripped again, did you?” I grew increasingly desperate for it all to just end, and I began making plans to vanish, and get as far away as I could, not knowing if I could even survive the journey. I started sneaking supplies down to the hut at night, trusting that the location was secure and hoping that my parents would somehow understand.
-
I travelled the slow way to Hydlaa, and hired myself out as a messenger boy. It made me enough money to eat, and sleep safe, but nothing in reserve. At first, I didn't really care. I felt despondent, as though I had nothing to live for. Existing suited me fine, and I was determined to do penance in my exile, hoping that somehow, Calluna would know. And then, for the first time, I began making friends. Real friends, who helped me learn new skills and grow strong. I was finally starting to turn into the hunter I'd always wanted to be, and I even started to grasp the Crystal Way. I learned how to mine, and soon, I started to accumulate savings. Not much at first, but the pile soon grew. Oddly, the fact that I had extra money brought my hope alive again, and I often found myself daydreaming of going to the village, and sweeping Calluna off her feet, and yet, something held me back from making the journey back home.
I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I think I was scared of what I might find at the village. I didn't want to go back, only to find Calluna had fallen in love with someone else. My mother's words still rang in my ears at those times, and I didn't want to lose control and hit someone Calluna was perfectly happy with. I loved her far too much for that. And so, I stayed away, harbouring my secret hopes. Eventually, I made a niche for myself in the hunting community, and the sheer volume of work took the edge off my longing for a life with her that would probably never be. I learned to distract myself out of my daydreams, and to never grow too close to anyone, wanting to hold myself to the vow I'd made years before. Calluna, or nobody. When I slept, though, my dreams tormented me. I imagined all kinds of horrible things that might have befallen her, or that she'd been married off to someone she didn't like, let alone love. Soon enough, I became a light sleeper, not wanting those dreams to wake me up sobbing any more. By this time, I'd been gone for six years.
-
I'd set myself a date when I planned to run, telling nobody, and still hoping that the hut was a safe place to start from. The week I'd planned arrived, and I started getting increasingly nervous, to the point I couldn't rest, pacing the house and chewing my lip. It was that week when a friend of my mother's arrived for a visit. Her husband was a merchant, and they spent their time travelling between the levels, bringing much needed supplies to the various villages. She and my mother seemed to be constantly chattering, and they went to visit Zephan's parents more than once. The day before I'd planned to run, my mother took me aside, telling me she needed to ask me a huge favour. I obliged, of course, and we went to the back of the house, where we could speak in relative privacy.
She told me that her friend had seen Zephan several times on her trips to the Dome, in the city of Hydlaa, and also in Ojaveda. Zephan's mother wanted to know if he lived, and despite my mother's friend assuring her of the fact many times, she refused to believe it until someone from the village had confirmed it. My mother had suggested I go and find out, and Zephan's mother had agreed, desperate for any news. I was to travel with the merchant caravan, and seek out Zephan. The thought filled me with a sense of foreboding. He'd been gone six years. I didn't want to find out he had a wife somewhere, probably children, a home, a life. And yet, this was the ideal opportunity to escape from Kellan. Needless to say, I agreed to go, and spent most of the remainder of that night collecting my things from the hut, under the plausible excuse of packing while my parents slept.
My trips back and forth took until it was almost dawn. I was exhausted, but happy to finally be escaping the nightmare. I made my way down to the hut one more time, to collect the cushions Zephan and I had pilfered so many years ago. They were threadbare and hadn't been sat on in years, but somehow I felt the need to leave the place as we'd initially found it, minus the dust and spiders. As I approached the hut, I noticed the door was ajar. Initially I didn't think anything of it, as I'd been trekking back and forth long enough not to care. I'd been careful about closing the door at first, but I thought I must have left it off the latch by mistake. Shrugging, I went inside to collect the tatty old cushions, smiling wistfully and wishing Zephan were there.
As I turned to close the door, I heard a chuckle that made my insides flip over in fear. Kellan! I don't quite know what possessed me, or where I got the strength from, but as his hand wrapped around the door, I slammed it as hard as I could, then slammed it again, and again, and again, until I heard a howl of pain, and a rustling and cracking of branches, that sounded like someone running, fading into the distance. Shaken, I managed to collect the cushions, and made my way back to the house on wobbly legs, not really caring if he was still out there, just wanting to get home, and leave the village. I made it home without any further incident, and my mother's friend arrived not ten minutes after I'd flopped down in front of the dying embers of the fire.
I clambered into the wagon, exhausted, after kissing my parents goodbye, and settled down in the blankets I'd brought, too tired to even notice when we moved off. I don't know how long we travelled, because the combination of my relief at leaving, plus the adrenalin of the dawn and my sheer tiredness knocked me out cold, and I slept for most of the journey. When we arrived at the Bronze Doors, however, my mother's friend woke me, and pointed me down the hill. It seemed a celebration was taking place, and standing there, at the back of the assembled crowd, was a figure I could recognize amongst a million Dermorians. Surely in six long years, he has found someone special, I thought. With a heavy heart, I trudged down the hill to fulfil my duty, and deliver the message from his mother. After that, I didn't much care where I went, as long as it was far away from Kellan, somewhere where I'd be safe.
-
And then, at the wedding, there she was. Alone. I had no idea what to say to her. So much had happened since I saw her last, I had no clue where to start. All I could think of was our hut, where we used to talk for hours, and so, the first thing out of my mouth was 'We need to talk.' I'd decided to go and find a quiet spot anyway by then, and I held my hand out to her, inviting her to come along. She walked right by me, not taking my hand, and I had to run after her for a few paces in order to lead her somewhere we could talk without being overheard by any passers by. I had a feeling it wasn't going to go well. She seemed like a tiny bundle of pent-up fury, her eyes crackling with rage, and her fists balled up with tension.
I was right. As soon as we'd begun to walk, she lashed out at me verbally, accusing me of abandoning her, of leaving her there to be beaten, of not caring, of lying about how I felt... It felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I stood there, finding it hard to breathe, unable to reply. She wanted to leave, she said, and not return to the village. I could hardly believe what I was hearing, but at the same time, I couldn't blame her. I -had- abandoned her, and left her there to be beaten. My parents hadn't given me a choice, but I could have at least waited for her in the hut for a day or two... Racked with guilt, I offered to escort her to Hydlaa, thinking that I could use some of my savings to help her get started on a new life, so she wouldn't have to worry about how she was going to feed herself until she managed to get established. Then, I imagined, I'd fade from her life, debt paid, and she'd never want to see me again. As for me, I didn't know what I'd do, but at that moment, the only thing that mattered was her.
On the journey back to Hydlaa, we managed to hold a far more civilized conversation. I told her about my life there, and about how I'd managed to carve myself a place as a hunter, just like I'd wanted. I told her that outside the village, I'd had no trouble in making friends. At that, she fell silent, her face solemn, and her eyes so sad I wanted to fold her into a hug and never let go. I asked her why she was so upset, more than once, but she never gave me a reply, just shaking her head, or changing the subject. It hurt me to see the haunted look in her eyes, but it seemed there was nothing I could do to cheer her up, even though I tried to keep talking to her. Finally, we arrived in Hydlaa, and I took her to Kada-El's, just to get something to wash the travel dust from our throats. Once we were a little more refreshed, I told her I was going to find somewhere quiet for her to sleep, and we walked back out into the darkening city.
As we walked, I sensed her hesitate, more than once. She'd said several times that she wanted to pay her own way, and I kept reassuring her that she would be able to in time. I thought she was about to make the same complaint again, and I almost stumbled over my own feet when she asked, 'So, is there someone special in your new life?' I still don't know why, but instead of telling the truth, I gave her a smile, and murmured the reply, 'Yes, there is, but she doesn't seem to know it.' She smiled in return, and said 'Well, you should tell her how you feel, then! How is she meant to know unless you say something to her?' I couldn't reply to that. It seemed as if she was preparing to brush me out of her life entirely. Instead of an emptiness, however, I felt filled with purpose. If Calluna wanted to forge ahead on her own, then the least I could do was to make sure she had the training needed so she could survive.
-
To say Zephan was surprised to see me would be a huge understatement. He just -stood- there, staring at me like I was a ghost. In a way, I suppose I was. The teenager he'd abandoned in his home village, standing in front of him as an adult, six years after he'd walked away in the middle of the night. He didn't appear to know what to say, so I quickly delivered my message, fully intending to leave directly afterwards. But then he uttered the dreadful phrase 'We need to talk.' After so many years, and so many conversations, that simple little phrase tore me in two. I wanted to run as far and as fast as my legs would carry me, but I longed for the way we used to sit and talk for hours, forgetting anything but our conversation. Begrudgingly, I agreed to talk to him, and after the celebration had finished, he led me to the nearest quiet spot.
As soon as we'd set out, the years of trying to hide from Kellan without him there boiled up inside me, and instead of sitting and talking, I lit into him with anger, hissing and shouting like the worst kind of fishwife. I screamed, cried, threw a tantrum, and through it all, he was quiet, his face growing more and more pained and sad. I don't know how long I vented my frustrations on him for, but by the time I was finished, I was actually tired, as though I'd physically thrown each word at him. And still, he was silent and sad, waiting for me to finish ranting. Finally, I fell silent too, my anger dissipating as I saw how sad I'd made him. We sat in silence for a while, but not the comfortable silence of before. For the first time ever, I actually felt uncomfortable in his presence. I couldn't wait to leave.
After I had calmed down enough to speak in a normal tone of voice, I asked him if he planned on visiting his parents, to reassure them. He sighed, and said he would, then asked what I planned to do. I told him I would be leaving, to try and find my own way in the world. He looked indescribably sad, and for a moment, I almost regretted what I'd said. I almost blurted out that I never wanted to leave his side again, but the thought of our six years apart stopped me. He was a fully grown man when he'd left, and I was just a silly teenager. Obviously he'd have moved on, and after all, we'd only ever shared one single kiss, brief, and easily forgotten. He insisted on escorting me to Hydlaa, where I'd be safe, and find work. I agreed to this, thinking he'd leave me at some inn, and that then I could try to build a life from nothing, and move forward, even if I'd never truly move on.
We took the journey to Hydlaa in easy stages, Zephan insisting on regular breaks so I could sit and rest. Although I didn't let him know it, I was grateful for those breaks. It seemed the hunter's life suited him, and he was far fitter than he'd been when he still lived in the village, easily outstripping me in stamina. We talked as we walked, and as we rested, and I found out that he'd managed to build himself a decent life in the city, and had made friends with several people. The knowledge made me uneasy, and more than a little sad. If he had friends, then surely he had someone special. I tried my best to hide how sad that made me, and cursed myself for taking so long to follow him, and for making such a mess of our reunion. Of course, Zephan knew I was sad. He even asked me why I looked so upset more than once, but I kept avoiding the question, not wanting him to know how strongly I still felt for him.
That evening, we arrived in Hydlaa. As we'd drawn nearer to the city walls, we'd fallen into that uncomfortable silence again, and I was dreading having to say goodbye. I had no money, practically no marketable skills, and nowhere to sleep. My only option would be to try and find someone willing to pay me to run messages, and hopefully make enough to pay for a room for the night. The further we walked into the city, the more I began to fear that I'd end up in some doorway, prey to whoever walked the night. Zephan led me to Kada-El's, and bought us both a drink. Clearly, he intended on staying with me, at least initially. Although I was grateful for his company, I felt a little guilty for taking him away from the life he'd built for himself. I tried to make the water pouch he'd handed me last for as long as possible, but it seemed to be gone far too quickly. Once Zephan had finished his drink too, he led me back out into the night, saying something about finding me a place to sleep.
My heart sank. Clearly, he seemed to view me as a charity case, a face from his past that he would help out of duty and reminiscence. Before I had chance to think over my choice of words, I heard myself ask the question I didn't want an answer to. 'So, is there someone special in your new life?' He paused mid-stride, and turned towards me with a sad little smile. 'Yes, there is,' he said, 'but she doesn't seem to know it.' I forced a smile onto my face somehow, and took a deep breath to steady myself before continuing, 'Well, you should tell her how you feel, then! How is she meant to know unless you say something to her?' He sighed, and carried on walking without a reply. I felt as beaten up as if I'd just had a run in with Kellan. Of course there was someone he'd fallen for. How could I have been so stupid?
-
Over the course of several weeks, I took her from city to city, pointing out the well paying jobs, and taking her to visit the best trainers under the Crystal. She never knew it, but I waited until she slept, slipping extra tria into her pouch so she never ran out of training money. I'd offered to give the cash needed to her, but she wouldn't accept it, telling me she didn't want my charity. On our journeys, she took to quizzing me about the special girl in my life, and I found that I was oddly reluctant to admit that it was her. Instead, I mumbled vagueries, trying to deflect her from her questioning. After a while, she simply stopped asking. She began to smile more often, and the mood between us improved drastically. Hope began to flower in my chest again, that maybe she'd figured things out on her own, but as the days wore on, it seemed as though she'd reverted to being my friend, and nothing more. I decided that I had to tell her, and tell her soon, before she grew strong enough to survive on her own, and slipped away from me again.
When we arrived back in Hydlaa, she looked drawn and tired, and I insisted she went to Kada-El's to get some sleep, not wanting her to over extend herself. She readily agreed, and flopped on the bed already asleep, leaving me to arrange the covers over her. Looking down at her sleeping face, I couldn't stand to wait any longer. There was never going to be a 'right time' to tell her the truth, and I'd tortured myself for long enough. If she didn't want to be with me, I didn't care. I just had to know, one way or the other. I took another long look at her sleeping face, and went out to gather some flowers for her. She should always have flowers, I thought to myself, remembering the little wooden frame I'd made for her so long ago. When I'd got a good bouquet together, I went back upstairs at Kada-El's, to wake her up. As I climbed the stairs, I suddenly felt rather mischievous. Today I'd tell her the truth, yes... but not before making her think I had someone else first.
As I opened the door to her room, I heard her stir in her sleep, and instead of waking her, I sat down in the chair opposite the bed, waiting for her to wake of her own accord. She sat up, rubbing her face in the most endearing, child-like manner, and her gaze wandered from me to the bouquet I was holding. I felt my cheeks turn pink, but it was too late to back out now. 'Look!' I said, 'I have flowers for her! I'm going to tell her how I feel today!' She smiled, a wonderful, beaming smile that melted my heart, and almost made me admit the truth to her on the spot, and then told me she'd go and train in the Arena, so she wasn't in my way. I told her I'd walk her there before handing over the flowers, then went back outside, to give her a chance to freshen up in privacy.
She emerged a few minutes later, wearing the armour I'd given her, her curls fastened back so she could wear her helmet, and gave me another smile. Rather than saying anything, I walked outside, then down the stairs, with her following. All of a sudden, I couldn't wait any longer. The 'right time' had come! I stepped in front of her, and turned to face her, holding out the flowers. She stared at me, completely confused, and a little annoyed that I'd blocked her path. 'These are for you.' I said, offering her the bouquet. My heart seemed to leap into my throat as I said it, causing my voice to catch. I held my breath, waiting for her to respond, not knowing what her reaction would be, not daring to hope for any sign that she still had feelings for me, and then... she took the flowers from me, a brilliant smile lighting up her face. I let out the breath I'd been holding, and returned the smile, knowing, without a word needing to be said, that everything was going to be alright.
-
That night, Zephan took me to the Secret Garden, setting up a few blankets for me to bundle up in, and telling me he'd stand watch while I slept. Although my mind was reeling, I must have been more tired than I thought, because the next thing I remember is being shaken awake by him just after dawn. The last thing I wanted to do at that point was to face an entire day of being with him, especially now he'd admitted to having a 'special someone'. I wanted to crawl into a dark corner and hide, but I knew, deep down, that I couldn't, that I needed his help. And so, I followed where he led for over a week, doing the tasks he pointed me towards, speaking to trainers and people who needed jobs doing. It went by in a blur, and I'd almost forgotten him mentioning his mystery girl because of how busy we were, running back and forth.
Another day, another journey back and forth. I was growing stronger daily, and I'd managed to save a little money to cover basic expenses. I counted through my tria, deciding I had enough saved to be able to strike out on my own. Although we'd fallen into a more amicable silence by then, I still didn't want to become a burden, nor did I want to be anywhere near Zephan when he finally did pluck up the courage to tell his girl how he felt about her. I kept badgering him about telling her, and he kept mumbling about it not being the time or the place. As the days wore on, I noticed a different, softer look on his face, as though he'd come to some momentous decision. We began talking as we used to, though I felt reluctant at first. It was after I'd noticed this look on his face that I decided to ask him more about his mystery girl, what she looked like, what kind of person she was. Little did I know that I was about to get the shock of my life.
Zephan seemed a little reluctant to describe the object of his affections, skirting around the issue when I asked, or giving me a vague impression of the kind of person she was. After several conversations like this, I think I'd asked once too many. He sighed heavily, and refused to answer me. I decided to stop pressing the issue, after all, I had no real claim on his life, and no real right to know one way or the other. Oddly, this decision brought me a strange sort of peace. An acceptance, if you like. We carried on with our tasks, running back and forth, and I finally felt able to continue on, with Zephan as the dearest of childhood friends, guiding me as I learned my way around the Dome.
It would have been one or two days after I'd made peace with myself when we arrived back into Hydlaa. Zephan had his own errands to run, and had left me to sleep at Kada-El's, a bit more confident that I could handle myself, should any trouble start. When I woke up, the first thing I saw was Zephan, sporting a grin I hadn't seen him wear in years, a bunch of flowers in his hand. He gave me the most heart-meltingly boyish smile, and I think he even blushed a little. 'Look!' he said, 'I have flowers for her! I'm going to tell her how I feel today!' I couldn't be anything but happy for him, looking at the pure joy in his face, and I told him I'd be in the Arena, training, so he could find me afterwards, and tell me how it went. He said he'd walk me there before meeting his girl, ever the gentleman, so I quickly got ready to leave, not wanting to hold him up now he'd made his mind up to tell her.
We left Kada-El's a few minutes later, and aimlessly sauntered towards the long staircase. Well, -I- aimlessly sauntered. Zephan, on the other hand, was practically floating off the ground in excitement, his good mood infectious. I just hoped that his girl wouldn't break his heart, seeing how happy she made him. We started down the stairs, but just as we rounded the corner, Zephan stepped in front of me, making me stop suddenly so as not to bump into him. I was about to tell him to watch where he was going, and step out of his way, but he turned to face me, beaming sunnily and holding out the bunch of flowers. 'These are for you.' he said, a catch of emotion in his voice.
I was totally, completely stunned into speechlessness! There -was- no mystery girl! He hadn't found someone else, or even -thought- about finding anyone else! Before, he'd spoken of how his parents had ordered him to leave, and that he'd worked at being a hunter, saving every spare tria until he had enough put aside to sweep his girl off her feet utterly. At that moment, he could have been penniless. He'd already managed to sweep me off my feet, right then and there. Truth be told, he'd already managed that particular feat many years earlier, and I wouldn't have cared one bit if he'd still been penniless. I stood there, flowers in hand, beaming from ear to ear, the heartache of those six long years melting away for good.
-
It was as though the six years apart hadn't happened. No matter what we were doing, Calluna's hand would find a way to sneak into mine, usually accompanied by her sidling closer to rest her head on my shoulder, if we weren't walking or running. I found myself treating her like I always had done, without any conscious effort. It felt like we were children again, wandering off on a big adventure, her hiding behind me when things seemed a little scary. I was so proud of how well her training was going. She took to sword craft well, and was improving her cooking skills whenever we passed through Ojaveda. I made sure she was always safe, and that I was always there when she needed me, like the protective older brother figure I'd always been when we were young.
Her training was taking us further and further afield, so it was several days between our visits to Hydlaa. I'd placed an order with a jeweller during our last visit, and while she slept before a planned trip to Ojaveda, I visited him again, to pick up the ring I'd had made for her. Now I had enough savings to support us both, and I wanted to ask if she would marry me, just like I'd vowed to myself all those years before. By the time she woke, I was so excited I blurted out that I had a question to ask her, before I could stop the words tumbling from my mouth. Inwardly I cursed myself. I'd so wanted it to be a surprise, and to choose some pretty location. Now, I'd roused her insatiable curiosity, and I spent the whole trip to Ojaveda dodging her wanting to know what I was going to ask her, my nerves growing more and more each time, wondering what her reply would be. Then, as we were climbing one of the hills, she stopped dead in her tracks, and smiled. 'You know, when you -do- ask that question, I think you'll get the answer you're hoping for...' she said, tilting her head to look up at me. It felt like a spring had unwound within me, and I relaxed. All that was left to do was to find someplace suitable to ask her. It suddenly occurred to me that I'd been invited to a wedding a while back, at the Lake of Stealth. With that thought, I knew that I would be taking her there to ask my question. We'd been travelling most of the day, and I knew she was growing tired, but I didn't dare stop. I wanted to be there by the time the Crystal started to darken.
As it turned out, we made it there slightly beforehand, and so, I slowed my pace, wandering around the banks of the lake, telling her that my friends had chosen this spot to exchange their vows. As the light began to fade, casting that brilliance which makes every colour shimmer, I turned to her, and took her hands in mine. All of a sudden, I was very nervous, and had to clear my throat before I could begin speaking. 'Calluna...' I said, watching her smile nervously, and taking in a deep breath before I continued, 'The moment I saw you again at the Bronze Doors, I believe it was a sign... I don't really have the words to describe fully what I'm feeling, but I know I love you... and looking back, I always have.' With that, I sank slowly to one knee, retrieving the ring from my belt pouch, and looking up at her, feeling rather shy, for some reason. 'Will you marry me?' I asked, opening my hand to reveal the ring. For a moment, she looked as if she was going to cry, but instead, she gasped in a breath, and whispered, 'I love you too... and yes... of course I will!' She held out her hand, and I gently slid the ring onto her finger, leaping up to hug her tightly and croak out 'Thankyou!', blinking back a scatter of tears.
-
The next few days were a different kind of blur. We still travelled back and forth, completing errands and picking up new ones, only now, my hand was wrapped warmly in his again, and we spent hours sitting in the grass, just enjoying being close to one another again. We were walking through Hydlaa one morning, on our way out to Ojaveda, when he said he had something to ask me. “Ask away!” I said, but instead of doing so, he mumbled something about the location not being nice enough. We set out for Ojaveda as planned. My curiosity kept getting the better of me, and I started badgering Zephan to ask whatever it was he wanted to ask. He kept on refusing, with the same excuse, that the location wasn't nice enough. After a while of walking, it suddenly dawned on me what he wanted to ask, and I almost slapped myself for being so dumb!
We walked for a little while longer. All the while, my brain was churning, trying to think of how I could get Zephan to ask his question. We hadn't gone far when I heard myself say, 'You know, when you -do- ask that question, I think you'll get the answer you're hoping for...' GAH! How horribly mawkish! The thought still makes me blush, even now! Regardless of how ridiculous I think I sounded, it seemed to relax Zephan, who had been looking rather pensive for a mile or two. Finally, we stopped by the shore of a lake, and took a side trip around it. Even though I'd figured out what Zephan's question was, it still stole my breath away when he dropped to one knee, right there, and asked me to marry him. I barely managed to reply, and I'm not sure, but I think I might have cried.
Between all the training and wedding preparations, both Zephan and I seemed to be permanently tired, falling asleep wherever we'd set up camp practically as soon as we'd unrolled the ulbernaut furs. Life seemed to consist of appointments and sleep, with a little training thrown in just in case we weren't quite tired enough. Though we were exhausted, I was probably happier than I had been for years. Not only was I learning many things and growing strong for my small size, I was about to be married to the only person I'd even consider as a life mate. Life took on a sweetness I hadn't experienced, even as a child, and every small thing Zephan and I did together seemed strangely momentous, our combined joy imprinting our actions on my memory easily.
-
It fell mostly to me to get things organised for the wedding. Calluna was still unfamiliar with who the best tradesmen were, and she didn't know anyone well enough to go around inviting people. I was determined to change that, however, and spent the next few weeks introducing her to everyone I knew. Giroum was first, of course, as I wanted to ask him to perform the wedding ceremony. I was a little ashamed of myself, actually, because as soon as I introduced the two of them, I felt an insatiable urge to show Calluna off like some prize. I wanted to show everyone how happy she made me, and prove to her how glad I was she was in my life after those six years of separation. We visited with almost everyone I knew, and my instinct was the same, each and every time. I'd take a slight step back, and allow her to take centre stage, beaming from ear to ear as people complimented her on her beauty and made her blush.
One person did curb this urge in me somewhat. The dressmaker, Miss Lhaa, seemed to be a little too keen to discuss how tight my pants ought to be, making me a little nervous, and when Calluna stood there for her fitting, there was a lot of whispering between the two of them, and a lot of pointed glances in my direction. I know my love, and I knew she was up to something, but no amount of suspicious glances at her yielded any information as to what. She'd simply smile, and say 'You'll see!' Once the fittings were done, I carried on with the rest of the preparations for the ceremony, taking Calluna out to choose a suitable location, organising the food, and paying a Kran to act as waiter on the day. When everything was finally ready, I began to grow slowly more apprehensive, wondering what exactly it was Calluna and Miss Lhaa had cooked up between them. A few days later, we went for our final fittings, and although I tried to enter the room while Calluna tried on her gown, both she and Miss Lhaa ushered me back out of the room again. If my suit was anything to go by, then Calluna's gown would be a work of art.
-
Just after I'd accepted Zephan's marriage proposal, we met with another Nolthrir named Lhaa, who was to make our wedding outfits. I felt slightly sorry for Zephan as I stood on the chair to be measured. There was much whispering between Lhaa and I regarding my dress, and my poor love seemed rather suspicious. You can't blame a girl for wanting to look her absolute best though, can you? I think Zephan was more than a little perturbed about our discussion of the tailoring, especially when it was suggested that everything be nice and tight, to show off our respective figures. He's such a private person, I don't think it occurred to him to show off in front of his friends a little. He did let me make most of the decisions though, bless him, and after we were done, he didn't really ask -too- many questions, though he did keep giving me suspicious glances for a while when he thought I wasn't looking.
Things seemed to be getting organised at quite a pace by now. Zephan's friend Giroum had agreed to perform the ceremony, we'd decided on a location, the outfits were ordered and being made, and Zephan had quite neatly taken the issue of food out of my hands, sneaking off to prepare things whenever I was sleeping. I did get to make the tinga tea, yes, but other than that, I don't think I laid a finger on any cooking tools before the wedding. People did keep asking whether we were nervous, as I recall, but I'd quite honestly never felt so calm in my life. Perhaps it is the groom who has the nerves, rather than the bride. Either way, I was so sure that this was what I truly wanted that nervousness never even entered the picture.
A couple of days before the ceremony was due to take place, we had one more visit with Lhaa, who wanted us to try on our outfits. The fit of my gown was quite simply perfect, and the detailing exquisite, and exactly what I'd requested. Zephan seemed keen to attend while I had my final fitting, but both Lhaa and I insisted he didn't see my gown until the day. I'm not sure he understood why, but he seemed happy to comply with our wishes, sitting in the bar with Aiwendil until I was done changing into and out of the gown. After we'd both tried on our outfits, Zephan looked ever so slightly pink around the ears. I think he was a little embarrassed by how showy his outfit was, in truth, though he didn't actually say so. I was confident he'd look wonderful in it, having seen how beautiful my gown was, and how well made.
We spent the next couple of days in Hydlaa, rather than rushing around. It was important to be well rested for the ceremony, after all. The last thing I wanted was for either of us to fall asleep mid wedding. Zephan seemed to be a little restless, and growing more nervous by the hour. I, on the other hand, used those few quiet days to really think about what I wanted to say to him when it came time to make vows to one another. It was a mammoth task. No words could ever adequately describe what I feel for Zephan. They haven't been invented, and they never will be. I began growing frustrated, not knowing what to say to him that I hadn't already said. Eventually, I went to buy a blank book, and started writing anything that came into my head, hoping to hit on what I wanted to say to him.
I filled the entire book with useless nonsense, near enough, and I suddenly decided I was just going to say whatever popped into my head at the time, not the best solution, perhaps, but the only one my brain could come up with so close to the ceremony. I hadn't realised that I'd flung the book away until Zephan went over and picked it up, placing it into my lap carefully, and gently folding my hand into his. That's when it hit me. Whenever I got frustrated, upset, hurt, angry.... Zephan would just calmly take my hand in his... and every time he did, it brought me peace, clarity, and a sense of being complete. With that feeling, I knew exactly what I wanted my vows to be, and wrote them down on the last page of my little book.
-
The day we'd chosen for the ceremony seemed to arrive faster than I'd expected, and the journey there seemed to be shorter than I ever remember it being. We'd arrived, and the guests were settled in quick time, leaving Calluna and I to change. She insisted I go first, wanting her gown to have maximum impact, and then, once I'd emerged wearing my silk suit, she ducked into the small cave we'd decided to use as a dressing room. It seemed to take forever for her to change clothes, and I was beginning to wonder if she was having a last minute attack of nerves. Just as I was about to start forward, intending to go and see if she was alright, the vines parted, and she stepped through them, walking up to stand before me, a small smile on her face. The sight of her stunned me into the realisation that I'd been treating her almost like a child, hitting me full force and making me speechless. This was no little girl! Her figure, though slight, was that of a fully grown adult, and a breathtaking, heartbreakingly beautiful woman, at that. I just stared at her, unable to believe what I was seeing, and it wasn't until Garosan placed the cold flat of his sword on the back of my neck that I even partially regained my senses. Even then, I barely managed to offer Calluna my arm, and walk her through to the underground lake.
-
The day of the ceremony finally dawned, and with it, I finally began to grow a little apprehensive. Zephan seemed to have grown suddenly calm, though, and seemed to have everything planned quite precisely. It was a long walk to our chosen location, and we'd decided to make the journey together with our guests, rather than leaving them to make their way there without us. Giroum had gone on ahead the previous day, to give him time for a slower pace, and to set up the site before we arrived. I don't remember too much about the walk, other than how excited and nervous I really was. It felt like I'd explode, and I could barely keep myself from squealing giddily, like I would have when I was a little girl. This was it! In a few hours, we'd be married!
Once we arrived, the guests who'd travelled with us moved directly to the underground lake we'd chosen to hold the wedding at. Only Garosan remained, a bodyguard of sorts, as rogues liked to travel through some of the tunnels. It was time for us to change into our outfits. I insisted on Zephan going to change first, so that my outfit had maximum impact on him... I can be rather mischievous when I set my mind to it. As he emerged from the tiny side cave we'd decided to use as a changing area, I could see that my trust in Lhaa's skills weren't misplaced. Zephan was in the most gorgeous silk suit I think I've ever seen, earth brown with green trim, and gold painted vines. It was all I could do to tell him how wonderful he looked! I just wanted to -stare- at him for a day or two!
I think that I managed to collect myself fairly well, under the circumstances. After all, we were there to be married, not stare at one another like a pair of statues! It was my turn to change into my outfit, and as I stepped into the side cave, a wave of nerves hit me in a rush, as I wondered whether Zephan would really like what I'd be wearing. It was all I could do to get into the gown without damaging the delicate fabric of it. I did finally manage to dress, though my hands were shaking so badly by the time I'd done, I had to lean on the cave wall for a few minutes to steady myself before stepping back outside. As it turned out, I really need not have worried for an instant.
I walked back through the vines that overhung the side cave mouth, still rather shaky, but taking care not to snag my gown on anything. As I approached Zephan and Garosan, I drew myself up to my full height, summoning a little courage, and turned this way and that, asking 'What do you think, love?' Zephan's reaction was more than I could have ever hoped for. He just stood there, his hand to his mouth, blushing furiously. Perhaps I should explain. I was barefoot, and wearing a tightly fitting sea green gown, the bodice made of darker silk leaves, very low cut and wispy looking, with a vine extending from my shoulder to my wrist on the left arm. The sides of the gown were split right up to the thigh, and painted with the same gold designs as Zephan's suit. He seemed rather... stunned by it, and it took the cold flat of Garosan's sword on the back of his neck to make him stop staring at me and realise we had a wedding to attend!
-
Throughout the entire ceremony, I couldn't take my eyes off Calluna, even if I'd wanted to. My realisation had shocked me to the very core, and I felt I didn't know the first thing about being a husband to this beautiful creature. All my imaginings of our life together seemed somehow inadequate, and I found myself falling in love with her all over again, even as we spoke our vows to one another, and exchanged rings. I knew that her quicksilver nature and her tiny stature would always make her appear more girlish than she actually was, and I found myself adoring that about her, that she could still appear child-like in her actions, charming even me into treating her like a little princess. There was nothing remotely childish about the way she kissed me after the ceremony, though, and I found myself blushing. I worried whether I'd manage to be a good husband to her, now all the rules seemed to have changed.
-
We stepped out on the small wooden pier over the underground lake together, arm in arm, as Giroum lit a small camp fire with the candle on the end of his staff. He opened the ceremony by greeting everyone, and then began to speak, his voice calm and steady. 'Thank you all for coming here today for this most happy of occasions. We are gathered here to witness the marriage of Zephan Cystennin and Calluna Shuuri. The couple have prepared their wedding vows, but first I would like to say a few words.' I heard some whispers from a few of the guests, but other than that, all was silent, Giroum's voice echoing in the cavern we stood in.
Zephan seemed to have his eyes glued on me, just as mine were glued on him. I remember Giroum's words with real clarity, but it felt almost as though nobody was present except for Zephan and I. The emotions threatened to bubble up and make me cry from simply standing there, and I had the fleeting thought that my throat would be too tight to speak my vows. In the meantime, Giroum was still speaking, his tone serious. 'Matrimony is a righteous estate, ordained by the gods unto the fulfilling and perfecting of the love of man and woman in mutual honour and forbearance. The faith of one to the other and the hallowing of the home. It is not by any to be taken into lightly or thoughtlessly, but reverently, in the presence of loved ones and the gods.'
After such serious words, Giroum's voice seemed to take on a kindlier tone, as though he was smiling. He may well have been, but my eyes never left Zephan's face. 'Having known Zephan for some time now,' Giroum continued, 'and since he introduced me to the fair Calluna, I have every confidence - as I'm sure you all do - that they have naught but the deepest love and reverence for each other.' There was a short pause, and I heard someone whispering the word 'beautiful...' but little more. Then, Giroum spoke up again. 'Please, Zephan, read your vows.' At those words, Zephan turned to face me, his eyes brimming over with emotion. He held a written copy of his vows in one hand, but while he spoke, his eyes never left mine.
'My beloved Calluna... words will never be enough to express how much I truly love you, but this I vow: To you I will always be faithful, and my continuous and lasting devotion is yours until the very end; Through good and bad, time has only proven how we are meant to be together, and to spend the rest of my life with you is a duty and destiny I gladly accept with all of my heart.' He smiled gently at me, and my heart almost burst with love. I took a deep breath in readiness, trying to summon a last bit of calm as Giroum said, 'And Calluna, please now read yours.' Somehow, I managed to keep my voice steady as I looked into Zephan's eyes, reciting the vows I'd written just a day or two before.
'Zephan, when we were young, I was blessed with your friendship. Your hand in mine gave me the courage to grow, your gentle spirit soothed my tempestuous one. I would seek out your hand in mine, knowing without knowing that it was the one thing which made me whole. When we parted, and you came to the Dome, I held my own hand, remembering your hand in mine, and longing for it to be there once more. I followed you here, not knowing if you would take my hand ever again. Today, we are here to be wed. I vow to love you as I always have and always will. All I ask in return is that you keep my hand in yours, where it has always belonged.' Zephan nodded, just once, knowing exactly what the meaning was behind my words, and then smiled at me as I let out a small sigh, relieved to have managed to speak them.
Giroum gave another short pause, and then asked us both for the written copy of our vows. Taking them from us, he wrapped each piece of parchment around a night mushroom, and dripped prayer oil over the bundles. Reciting a soft prayer, he placed both vows into the small fire he'd lit at the start of our ceremony, then took out a small scoop, watching the fire intently for a few moments. Once the vows had been turned to ashes in the flames, he collected the ashes in the scoop, and walked back over to us, pouring some ashes into our hands and saying, 'Scatter these ashes, with your vows in mind, where you deem fit.'
Zephan led me to the side of the small pier, and began scattering the ashes along the bank of the lake. I followed his actions, smiling with approval. Our vows would rest where water met land, a fitting place for a Nolthrir bride and a Dermorian groom. Once we were done scattering, we returned to the centre of the pier, awaiting the closing moments of the ceremony. Giroum gave another short pause, smiling, and then said, 'Now, please exchange rings.' Zephan placed the ring he'd had engraved for me onto my finger first, and then I performed the same action with the ring he'd had engraved for himself, and given to me for safekeeping. I saw Giroum bow his head out of the corner of my eye, and then he said, 'In the name of our lord Laanx I do now pronounce you husband and wife. Bless you both.'
We stood there smiling at one another for several moments, I think, because eventually someone, Lhaa I think, muttered 'Now's when you kiss her.' I turned to smile at the crowd, unsure of who had spoken, and then, all of a sudden, I felt a tiny bit of mischief was in order! I turned to Zephan as he leaned in to kiss me, and wrapped my arms quite firmly around his neck, making sure he couldn't pull away without lifting me off my feet! His arms circled around me out of instinct as his lips met mine, and I put every ounce of what I felt for him into that one kiss, forgetting where we were, who stood there watching, everything. I couldn't tell you how long that kiss lasted, but we were both a little breathless when we finally parted!
I looked up at Zephan as he whispered 'I love you...', his face still reddened in the deepest of blushes, though he gave me an amused little smile. I replied, 'I love you too, dearest...always have.' and smiled at him. He beamed in return as people began shouting their congratulations and clapping. Thinking back, I'm very glad he managed to remain calm enough to thank first Giroum, and then our assembled guests, because at that moment, my emotions rose in another wave, rendering me speechless, and making my legs shake. Once he'd thanked everyone, he simply turned to me, smiling in understanding, and then, he did the one thing he knew would calm me enough to allow me to walk with him off the pier. For the first time as my husband, he wrapped my hand in his, and I finally felt completed, as though I'd come home.
-
It was a last doubt of mine until some days after the wedding, and I began to wonder whether I'd really made the right decision, marrying her when I didn't have a clue how to go about being married. That particular day, we were at the lakeside, just outside Gugrontid, wrapped in the Ulbernaut fur we'd received as a wedding gift. We'd been talking about swimming lessons, and how Nolthrir usually dress, and I'd gradually grown more uncomfortable without realising it. I felt as though I'd failed her in some way, with my utter cluelessness about what exactly it was married couples did. Then, she turned to me, wrapped the fur more snugly around us both, pulled me down alongside her, and murmured 'Now... about the difference between Dermorians and Nolthrir...'
A long time afterwards, as the Crystal started to brighten, I woke up, peering down at her sleeping face where it lay against my shoulder, and I knew that my doubts were all over. Whatever one of us didn't know, the other could teach.
The End.
-
[Very well writ and thought/played out! No, it didn't take me a year to read it. ;) But it was worth the time it did take to read none the less! \\o// ]