PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Topic started by: miomo on April 04, 2011, 02:29:06 pm
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*SNAP* *Crunch* *kashl*
Miomo awoke with a start underneath Xiosia's tree. He was sweating despite the cool morning air. The nightmare always ended the same way. That's because it wasn't just a nightmare, but a remembrance of that horrible day over five cycles ago.
Miomo and his twin sister Miomai are sitting on the edge of a pond on the barn level, fishing. *Fwhip* *Plop* Miomo recasts his line. Birds are tweeting in a nearby deciduous, and crickets chirping on the ground. A warm breeze rustles the grass, blowing from behind, and bringing with it the sweet smell of snowbuds and lavender.
It's a lazy afternoon, and the fish aren't biting. Miomo doesn't mind, he just enjoys the time he gets to spend with his leuth vejhaba. Miomai wanders off to the nearby tree to climb it. "Oh, what's this?" she stops to examine an unusual flower.
Another breeze kicks up, and this time a sharp pungent smell is carried to Miomo's nose. "Hmmm?" Miomo wonders, having never smelled that before. *Thump* or heard that sound, but it sounded large. *thump*
"Miomai, come over here please." Though they were twins, and the menki was blind, he still felt the need to protect his sister.
"In a minute, I'm checking out this beautiful flower." *thump thump*
The smell was stronger, definitely animal.
"Miomai", he requested. *thump thump thump*
"Aaah, Miomo, an ulbernaut!" she screeched, caught unaware.
In an instant, the hairy beast was upon her, and Miomo jumped to his feet. He could hear its heavy breathing, and imagine the size of it given the length of its stride. Miomo smelled his sister's fear, a salty sweaty smell, and heard the quivering in her voice.
"What to do!", the sightless menki thought. He could not fight that beast. Any attempt to strike with his claws was as likely to hit his vejhabe as it was the ulbernaut.
"R-r-run Miomo!" she barely got the words out before she was silenced.
The menki took the advice. *swish swish swish* he fled through the tall grass. "Oof" *thud* but he tripped on a rock.
*SNAP* *Crunch* *kashl*
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Nice stuff. I like the typing out of the sounds, since they're so important to the character. I also love the end that meets the beginning, I like some poetry into every text. A light, informative and pleasant read.
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It's such a terrifying image brought to life. Very well written.
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Please tell me Miomo's sister's name isn't pronounced Me-oh-my ;D
I love stories that makes pictures so easily in my mind. Nice Miomo!
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Thanks for the comments everyone. I have some more material, but I want to wait until events occur in-game before posting them.
Well Dannae, I never thought about it like that. In my head it all runs together, and the emphasis is on the second syllable: me-OH-my.
Here's a bit of trivia. The name Miomo came to me in a dream. I woke up one morning and remembered the name and decided that it was a good name for my next character.
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I like the inclusion of the sounds into the story, as Sangwa mentioned earlier. Looking forward to the next bit, nice work :)
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Very nice read. You have a good talent!
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Nice job! Kind of creepy how it's based on the character's past experiences.
Miomai needs to up her endurance and agility level, she obviously has too little hp.
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CLIFF HANGER !!!! .... I need the cliff notes to see how it ends.... very good... tell us the rest!
La Crank
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Very creepy, intense storytelling. I definitely like your style. Would love to hear more from Miomos' past.
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I've had the continuation of Miomai's story for a while, but have resisted in finishing it and posting it because the powerful emotion and situation that I need to convey, I just don't think I've got it. I'll go back to it and get this part done. If I can do it right, then folks will understand why she acts the way she does.
As always, thanks for the comments.