PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Topic started by: Moogie on September 13, 2003, 04:42:13 pm
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Today I started and finished the first chapter of the story of the history of my character, Moogie. The title is subject to change, as soon as I think of something better. :)
The stuff I\'ve written so far may also change or be added to in the future... but for now, I\'m posting it here purely for critique and encouragment. If generally people think it\'s going well, I\'ll begin working on more chapters and story, and if not... well... I guess it ends where it started.
Moogie\'s Story
\"Sometimes I still get the flashbacks. Those terrible images of a past I had forgotten... they\'ve never quite left me in peace...\"
Chapter 1
It all began with a blinding white light. So intense, it pierced flesh and bone and flooded her senses. She was twisting and turning in midair, her body burning, skin searing in flames and peeling from the bones underneath. She was paralysed. It was the earliest memory Moogie had of her life and the most physically painful.
The next thing she remembered was slowly coming into conciousness in a small, dark room. Moogie\'s memory was hazy; at the time, she remembered nothing, not even her own name. As she slowly roused from sleep, she became aware that she was in a soft, warm place. A heavy blanket covered all but her head and she was laying on her back, something very cold and wet resting on her forehead. The feeling of reality emerged fully as one small, icy drip of water suddenly made its way down the side of her face beneath the fur, sending a shiver through her body.
Moogie sighed and fidgeted a little in the bed, before slowly opening her big blue eyes to the room. At first, her sight was misty in the surrounding darkness, but shapes soon formed and she distinguished several mundane objects in the room. A slender, furry arm slid out from the covers and felt her head. Moogie guessed that this object was some soft of towel, soaked in cold water and placed on her head to cool a fever. Yes, she thought, she did feel slightly feverish. She decided to leave the wet piece of cloth where it was and held it steady as she lifted her head weakly and looked around. Beside her was a chest of draws, a small brass clock resting on top, ticking monotoniously to itself. She squinted at it, but could not make out the numbers and soon gave up before she brought about a headache. The walls, covered in age-worn flowery wallpaper, were peeling around the edges and gathering cobwebs in the corners. To her right, Moogie saw a small window, thick curtains drawn closed, denying the light access to this silent tomb. She guessed it must have been the middle of the night, and she rolled onto her back, fixing her eyes on the ceiling. She was not tired at all.
She lay like this for a long time. Minutes became hours. She dully noticed the tint of the room changing as dawn drew near, and before long, birds could be heard chirping outside. Through this long wait for morning, Moogie tried to remember how she got here. She had remembered her name, which was considered an achievement in her mind, but whenever she tried to assess her situation a flash of light and overwhelming pain filled her memory. She was confused and alone in this room, but in such a soft and cosy bed she could not help but be calm and listen to the clock ticking tirelessly towards the new day.
[End]
That\'s all so far... what do you think? I\'ll probably flesh it out a little more soon.
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That\'s all so far... what do you think? I\'ll probably flesh it out a little more soon.
Its like u said it ends where it started :P gimme more and then ask bout it k? :P
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:P Just wanna know about my style really. I\'ve always had problems with giving too much detail to unimportant things, and not explaining things that I should have more clearly.
I\'m not very confident in my writing skills right now... :( so any feedback is appreciated.
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Originally posted by Mogura
:P Just wanna know about my style really. I\'ve always had problems with giving too much detail to unimportant things, and not explaining things that I should have more clearly.
I\'m not very confident in my writing skills right now... :( so any feedback is appreciated.
I like it. My problem is that I fail to talk about the details and focus on the big stuff, lending to a story that is kinda jumpy. It flowed well, it\'s nicely ambiguous and it kind of draws you in.
Well written, in my humble opinion. If you would honour us so, I would like to put the final work (I insist you finish it) in the Lair story vault.
Eager to see chapter 2
:)
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I like it. I personally like the long, drawn out descriptive style, although I know it bores some people; but you have a nice balance going in this passage.
Good luck.
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I LOVE IT MOOGS!!! IT\'S GRRRRRRREAT!!
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How can I dislike anything you do moogie. Its great. I\'d like to give you a tip though. You should delve into minutea when they help build up the atmosphere which you have beautifully done here. There are also ceratin details that you might like to conceal depending upon the nature of the story.
Your first paragraph is very good. And the second describes a melancholy, derelict room extremely well.
But in the third before you mention dawn I think you should have made some subtle suggestion to the night or darkness previously. But by all accounts it is a sterling performance as an amateur author and I am sure that you will make a fine one when you have grasped all the intricacies of this most wonderful of occupations.
Best of luck
I look forward tyo reading the rest of it.
- Auran
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Wow, thanks Auran. :) I was hoping someone would do what you did there and properly analyse the text... that\'s extremely helpful.
By the way, in the third paragraph I do actually give reference to the nighttime... \"At first, her sight was misty in the surrounding darkness, but shapes soon formed and she distinguished several mundane objects in the room.\"
Thanks everyone for the feedback. Chapter 2 is almost complete, so I\'ll edit the first post to include it as soon as I can.
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Oh right I musn\'t have noticed. :P
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Chapter 2
Morning arrived on the surface of the world and Yliakum\'s caverns were slowly filling with light. Moogie watched the thin strips of sunshine that penetrated the room through the gap in the curtains as they travelled across the opposite wall and down, gradually, towards the floor. The young feline sat up, carefully swung her legs to the edge of the bed and sat for a second, listening to the quietness of the room. She lifted herself silently onto her feet and made her way towards the window, where she gingerly opened the curtains and let the light flood the room freely. The brightness overwhelmed her for a second and she turned away, shielding her eyes from it. However, she soon adjusted, and turned to gaze out of the window.
The view from the bedroom was uninspiring, to say the least. It seemed to overlook some kind of alley between two brick buildings. It was dark and very dirty down there, with old muddy newspapers fluttering in the wind and overflowing garbage bins lining either building wall. At the end of the alley, Moogie could see a small piece of the cobble road that ran alongside the houses and the occasional citizen who could be seen passing the alley. The grey sky above promised a day of drizzly rain. Unimpressed, she turned from the window and was startled to see a tall figure standing in the doorway of the room. She squealed and jumped back in fright; she had not heard him enter at all! However, the stranger did not react like she, instead he stood in place with a somewhat suprised expression on his face. He was an Enkidukai like herself, with short, well-groomed fur. He was a dazzling mix of white and brown, with streaks of black hair something akin to the patterns of a tiger. He was half-dressed in some sort of uniform; heavy black boots, a chestplate with a strange runic symbol in its center and large black pauldrons weighing down on his shoulders. Behind him, a thick black cloak reached towards his feet. His hands and lower arms were gloved in black leather. Moogie suddenly noticed his keen blue eyes fixed on hers, silently apologetic for startling her so. He bowed his head respectfully.
\"Oh, I am deeply sorry, my lady. I had no idea you were awake already.\" His voice was deep, but smooth. He glanced her over, as if gauging her condition, as he pulled at each heavy glove in turn and removed his paws from them. Moogie stood with her weight against the wall, one arm propping her up and keeping her balanced. She wore very little- a thin silk nightdress that reached just past her ankles, hanging by two delicate straps over her shoulders. She became aware of this as she followed his eyes down her body and grabbed the quilt from the bed, holding it up to her neck. \"Are you feeling okay? You were in a terrible state when I found you.\"
\"Who are y-you?\" Moogie demanded. She appeared flustered for having been caught with so little dressing infront of a stranger. \"Where am I? What happened? I don\'t remember anything, I-\"
\"Shh, calm down... it\'s okay.\" The male intervened. He walked forward a couple of steps, but stopped as he saw the distress in the girl\'s eyes. \"...It must have been four days ago now. I was on my routine patroll of the woodlands just north of here and...\"
\"North of here? Where is here?\" She questioned. \"Wait... tell me who you are first. What\'s your name?\" The feline raised his hands in submission.
\"Okay, okay.\" He took a deep breath to slow her down. Moogie fixed her eyes on the Enkidukai, begging impatiently for answers. \"Firstly, my name\'s Draklar. We\'re currently in the city of Hydlaa, capital of the Taladian empire. To the north there\'s a large area of forest- that\'s where I found you. Man, you were almost dead... infact, when I first saw you lying there I feared the worse.\" He explained solemnly. His eyes showed genuine concern, which eased the female somewhat, however she was still burning with questions. Before she could ask, though, a sudden wave of giddiness overcame her and she nearly toppled over, had Draklar not been there to dash forward, as he did, and grab the young Enkidukai\'s arms. He guided her to the bedside and released her gently as she sat herself down.
\"I\'m sorry... I guess I did get up a little too quickly...\" Moogie sighed.
\"It\'s okay,\" the male replied. \"You just lay yourself down here for a while and I\'ll go fetch you something to drink.\" He peered at her one last time before he stood up and made his way to the door.
\"Draklar?\" Her voice caught him just in time and he looked over his shoulder towards the bed. \"Thank you...\" She smiled weakly. He returned a warm-hearted grin before exiting the room and pulling the door shut gently.
It was only a few minutes before the feline returned with a tall glass of milk for his unwell guest. Moogie, who had been resting as instructed, sat up again at his arrival. Draklar carefully sat down on the edge of the bed and handed her the glass. She took it from him with a quiet \'thank you\' and began sipping.
\"Tell me,\" She spoke, resting the drink on her lap for a second. \"That symbol on your chest... I think I\'ve seen it somewhere before. What is this uniform...?\" Moogie looked at him questioningly. The tigerstriped male looked down proudly at his armour and touched the symbol with a hand, tracing it\'s perimeter with his paw.
\"It\'s the crest of my guild,\" He explained, a keen sparkle in his eyes. \"The Defenders. I\'m its founder, its leader. We keep trouble off the streets and assist businesses and organisations in defending themselves from attacks. We also keep the monsters out of the cities for as long as the authorities keep us paid.\" Draklar winked at the girl and smiled. Hearing this eased Moogie\'s mind further. She was in good company, if nothing else. But there was something she still did not understand. Staring at the bed, she tried to remember what had happened to her before this day, but nothing came but that same pain and flash of light that she had seen in her dream. Her worry showed on her face as she began speaking.
\"You say you found me in that forest... had I been attacked? I don\'t remember anything before this day...\" She frowned. The male leaned towards her a little, a worried expression crossing his face.
\"You remember nothing at all?\"
\"Nothing. I... I don\'t know who I am, or where I live, much less how I got to be attacked in a forest and nearly...\" Tears began welling in her eyes and she closed them, embarrassed by her weakness. She took a deep breath and sighed.
\"It\'s probably just amnesia, I\'m sure it\'ll clear up soon...\" Draklar placed a paw on Moogie\'s shoulder to comfort her. \"Don\'t let it worry you. What\'s important now is, you\'re alive, and you\'re recovering pretty quickly. Listen,\" He said, glancing at the clock. \"I have to get going, I\'ve got an important guild meeting to attend and... well you know... it\'s bad etiquette for a leader to be late for his own meetings.\" Moogie smiled at him.
\"Of course, you should go now. I think I\'ll be fine.\" Draklar bowed his head once more before getting up. He began putting his gloves on again as he left the room.
\"I\'ll be back in about two hours. I\'ll bring you some food and a change of clothes... feel free to go downstairs if you wish, I live alone here so nobody\'ll get in your way. Bye!\" He called over his shoulder. Moogie nodded to herself absently. More questions were now floating around in her head than before she had talked to this male. What was she doing in the forest alone? What had attacked her, and why did it leave her to die? Where did she even come from? No answers would come on their own and Moogie sighed again defeatedly.
The feline finished her glass of milk and held the empty container in her paws. Outside, she could hear the rain begin to fall, splashing against the windowpane.
[Edited: \"Bad etiquette\" sentence altered, didn\'t actually say what was bad etiquette for a leader. :P]
[Edited #2: Draklar\'s eyes are blue, not green!]
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cool moogie i love that part it is rwaly a cliff hanger sorta thing....
**waits for part 3**
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Cool
**Knows Gil will end up in there eventually ;) **
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Originally posted by Monketh
Cool
**Knows Gil will end up in there eventually ;) **
lol, you know it. ;)
Actually I plan on having many faces making an appearance, as the situation of the story is going to get very dire and all the major guilds of the world will be joining together against the threat of destruction.
...At least, I think so. :)
(Currently I have plans for Draklar, Giladrial, Seperot, Monketh, Grakrim, Ayshe and Xenia to have more than just a passing reference in the story. I may add more or remove a couple, depending on how future chapters shape out. At first I didn\'t intend for so many people to be in the story, but now I think it\'ll make it much more interesting for you guys to read. :) )
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Kitties getting attack. *shiver*
Which house is Draklars?
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Originally posted by Mogura
Originally posted by Monketh
Cool
**Knows Gil will end up in there eventually ;) **
lol, you know it. ;)
Actually I plan on having many faces making an appearance, as the situation of the story is going to get very dire and all the major guilds of the world will be joining together against the threat of destruction.
...At least, I think so. :)
(Currently I have plans for Draklar, Giladrial, Seperot, Monketh, Grakrim, Ayshe and Xenia to have more than just a passing reference in the story. I may add more or remove a couple, depending on how future chapters shape out. At first I didn\'t intend for so many people to be in the story, but now I think it\'ll make it much more interesting for you guys to read. :) )
WHAT! I\'m not in there? I\'m hurt. hehe although since in my own story I don\'t meet you till much later than this one I guess it wouldn\'t really work but still....
lol good story moogs I am enjoying it quite a bit
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Just an idea... you to go to the city wish list and get some cool places for the characters to go. I think it would be kind of exciting for people to see their cities come to life.
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Fish, that\'s a cool idea, I might just do that. :)
*is currently mid-sentence with chapter 3*
I\'ve broke away from following Moogie around for this chapter and instead you\'ll see where Draklar\'s gone off to and what this meeting is all about. I have a couple of changes for chapter 2 aswell, the main one being that he\'ll be gone for alot longer than just two hours, perhaps an entire day or more.
Methinks I enjoy this... it\'s alot more exciting, writing an interactive story, rather than one that\'s completely fictional in all its characters and locations.
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Hey, hey me wanna be in it too :) come on :) be a nice moogie :P u know i like u ^^
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Of course you can Kysosan. Just pm me with your eye/clothes/fur colour so I don\'t make mistakes. :) I\'ll show you anything I write about your character before I post it to make sure you\'re happy.
That goes for everyone too, I\'ve decided to ask many permissions before I do anything. :P
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Moogie how far is the timeline in the story currently from the present in Yliakum?
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I have a very radical idea for the direction of the story, and if you ever were able to read the description I had in the \"About\" section of my DOS style website you\'d have some idea of what it will involve.
It\'s hard to say where in the timeline it all takes/took place... it\'s recent, within the last decade or so I\'d say.
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3.
The fortress stood tall and mighty upon Freugel\'s Hill, twenty miles north of Hydlaa City. It was a wonderful, sturdy stone structure, with battlements all around the perimeter and four circular towers, one for each corner. The landscape surrounding it was green and dotted with patches of forest; a stark contrast to the hill on which it sat, dusty and littered with jagged rocks. A large worn path wound its way around the hill towards the base, where it disappeared under the trees. Hung from one wall of the fort were large tapestries bearing the Yliakium symbol for strength, and between them, a heavy iron gate that noisily raised and lowered for passing visitors.
Within the old stone walls, soldiers and resident officials went about their duties. Archers patrolled the walls while in one corner of the courtyard a group of Lemur magicians practiced their elemental magicks on dummy targets, creating sounds of sizzling electricity and burning flames. Similarly, a troop of Enkidukai and Dwarven warriors were practicing their swordsmanship nearby, clashing their swords and axes together loudly in practice manoeuvres. In the center of the busy courtyard, a magnificent winged beast waited patiently for it\'s rider\'s return. A large stake in the ground had the giant bat-like creature held down securely and its huge mouse ears twitched excitedly at each and every noise it heard.
The door on a large building nearby opened and out stepped a young Enkidukai male, who had arrived several hours ago as a messanger. He was closely followed by two Ylian officials, their attention riveted on eachother as they debated some important issue. The young feline, a sturdy creature with jet black fur and a spring in his step, approached the huge bat from the side and withdrew a paw from his cloak to pat its neck. As the Enkidukai mounted, one of the men untied the rope from the ground and let the impatient beast take off into the air, beating its powerful wings steadily to gain altitude. The Ylians took little notice as he disappeared from sight and continued their noisy dispute.
One of the soldiers on the battlements suddenly leaned over the edge and called to the guards.
\"Sir! The Defenders guild officials are approaching from the south!\" He yelled. A guard strode quickly to the gate and peered outside, before ordering the pulley workers to raise the gate at once. The gate groaned in protest as it was slowly hoisted into the air, while the sound of galloping hooves could be heard approaching outside.
General Wilhelm entered the courtyard from the same building the messanger had left a few moments ago, just as the mounted party of armoured Enkidukai warriors galloped through the gateway on powerful steeds. They slowed to a trot as they drew up close and one by one the felines dismounted. Draklar, at the head of the party, landed on the gravel floor first. Two others followed suit, both wearing identicle armour marked with the Defenders\' symbol. As their horses were taken to the stables, Wilhelm lead the warriors inside and bolted the door closed with a large iron lock.
\"Welcome to Fortress Freugel, my friends.\" He gestured to the leader, \"Draklar... it\'s been a long time.\" Draklar approached the General, wrapping him in a friendly bear hug before moving around the large table that spanned the room and taking his seat at its head. Wilhelm, an old, wise looking Ylian man, was about 6 foot tall and very clean cut. He wore a smart military uniform, decorated with rows of awards and medals, and had a beautifully crafted Sabre sheathed by his side. \"I trust your journey here fared well?\" He took his seat at the opposite end of the table before the two Defender militia sat adjacent to their leader.
\"Don\'t worry, Wilhelm, we got here okay. I don\'t mean to sound rude, but this better be worth it; my attention is required elsewhere.\" He explained. Under any other circumstances, Wilhelm would have digressed into small talk with an old friend and ask more about this unexpected diversion. However, he had a much more serious matter to discuss.
\"Draklar...\" He began, frowning in deep contemplation. \"A messanger from the Fifth Plane arrived a few days ago with terrible news. If what he speaks rings true, we may be facing a threat that could rival the great Talad himself.\" Draklar\'s expression darkened at the news.
\"You wouldn\'t believe such things from a mere messager, Wilhelm...\" Indeed, Draklar knew the man all too well. \"Who was it?\" He questioned.
\"That\'s not the concern here. We must begin formulating a plan of action immediately.\" Wilhelm said in an authorative tone. Draklar leaned back in his chair, his eyes fixed on the generals\' as if searching for the answer himself. All four of them could feel the question still hovering in the air, but he would not reveal the answer. Not yet, anyway. He continued to explain the situation, unable to fully disguise the worried tone in his voice. \"Draklar. The messanger informed us of a new planar portal that has appeared in the Fifth Plane. This portal is larger than any we have encountered before. Pouring out of this gate are waves upon waves of blackened, horrid looking monsters. They are grouping up into formations and raizing villages surrounding their place of origin mercilessly. There doesn\'t seem to be any one leader of their masses... except, in the sky, a massive stormcloud follows them slowly, dark and flashing with electrical energy...\" Wilhelm took a deep breath, before dropping the bombshell. \"My friend, it seems a rival God wishes to challenge the great Talad... and replace His followers with its own.\"
Draklar and his leuteinants were dumbfounded by the news. They looked to Wilhelm in shock and disbelief, while the general sat viewing the reaction silently. Draklar spoke quietly. For the first time in an age, he could find no structure to his thoughts.
\"...Monsters...? From where are they... this is impossible, what of Talad? How do we defend against this unknown enemy? Who is this \"rival God\"!?\" Wilhelm raised a hand to stop him.
\"Slow down, friend. I know as much as you now have been told. We must gather the guilds of Yliakum and formulate a defence force strong enough to protect our world. I have sent two of my best rangers to scout out this invading force and assess their strength and numbers. They should be reporting back within the next day or two. Untill then, I ask you to gather as many men as you can and send them here and to other forts in the two topmost Planes. Drakkien and Guilefort should have enough room for at least 5000 soldiers each and they\'ll be expecting just as many.\" The Defenders listened to the instructions carefully, but could not supress the terrible feeling in their chests. Draklar, whos expression was that of deep, solemn brooding, ran the information through his mind a million times, yet it would not sink in. He could remember the days he spent studying Yliakum history and arts in the finest of Hydlaa\'s military universities; one detail in particular stuck in his thoughts. As the general finished speaking, he looked up. He must ask him.
\"Wilhelm... do you remember the Laanxian Prophecies?\" The general looked up sharply at this. He knew what Draklar was thinking.
\"Those writings mean nothing... forget about them and focus on the task at hand.\" Wilhelm said firmly.
\"I am...\" Draklar whispered. He knew what the ancient book of prophecies foretold; it contained hundreds of predicted events in the future history of the world, many of which had come true in the past. However, when potentially facing \'Doomsday\' for the Yliakuns, a dusty old book could not possibly have seen the end to all their lives... could it?
That night after the meeting with General Wilhelm, the Defenders had retired to the fort\'s VIP quarters to rest there for the night. Draklar would return to Hydlaa first thing in the morning and check on his guest, Moogie. A detail, one small piece of unknown writing floated around in his mind, yet he could not grasp its meaning nor visualise it long enough to read the words. However, somehow he knew. She had a role in this. An important part to play in Laanx\'s foretold \"Doomsday\". He needed to tell her as soon as possible.
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kewl moogie cant wait for part 4
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\"The door on a large building nearby opened and out stepped a young Enkidukai male, who had arrived several hours ago as a messanger. He was closely followed by two Ylian officials, their attention riveted on eachother as they debated some important issue. The young feline, a sturdy creature with jet black fur and a spring in his step, approached the huge bat from the side and withdrew a paw from his cloak to pat its neck. As the Enkidukai mounted, one of the men untied the rope from the ground and let the impatient beast take off into the air, beating its powerful wings steadily to gain altitude. The Ylians took little notice as he disappeared from sight and continued their noisy dispute. \"
I wonder who that could be... :P
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thats great MOOGS!! i cant wait until the next part ur a really great writer and at least reading ur stories isnt boring like most of the other ones people write!
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Good show moogie. Keep it up! =)
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Go moogie gooo :)
its getting better from part to part!
and me wanna have entry in it too :P
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Where my story!!! I want my story waaaah:(. Why is it taking so long. You shouldn\'t keep your admirers waiting;).
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Calm down Auran :P I\'ve not had enough time to start the next chapter, but I have thought about it and I know roughly what\'s going to happen next.
I don\'t want to rush this and end up writing something I\'m not proud of, sorry.
Methinks I\'m going to put it up on my site. Although I want a nice site first... which may take a while.
*goes off to rip a random Google page\'s template* :D
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Oh!oh! Me!me! ME! I want to be in the doomsday scenario. oh plz plz plz let me act evilly. Unless however you have other plans for me ?(
BTW- can I get the larger version of your short lived moogle critter? My little sister thinks it was really cute .
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Congrats Moogie...........and i LOVE the avatar.........cute kitty
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I like Moogie\'s style very much. The story thus far is unfolding nicely. I do indeed like seeing actual PS forum members in the narrative; it brings it to life, and closer to home. Can\'t wait to see how things pan out. 8)
[After reading part 3: I\'m having a bit of deja vu? How odd...]
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Hiya all,
Thanks again for the feedback. I\'ve practically stopped writing for now, although I\'ve started chapter 4. But don\'t worry, I will continue this soon. I\'m going to place the chapters on a website and just edit this post whenever I\'ve completed a new one.
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Maybe you could work in the Cabal? Auran here seems very interested, he could give some suggestions on how the Cabal acts. The Cabal is very versatile in a story (though obviously in some sort of villainous type thing).
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I\'ll also make a good addition in some steamy adult scene:D. But not with Evanchild plz. I know \"the gnomes want me\" (the sickos X() but I dont want them :D.
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Originally posted by Auran
I know \"the gnomes want me\" (the sickos X() but I dont want them :D.
My, my... You are showing lots of interest in that sentence.... :)
I think deep down in your heart you love them, Auran
You just don\'t know how to show it :)
Maybe someday you\'ll meet nice gnome lady and she\'ll change your way of being ;)
good luck! :)
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Shut up Drak! The gnomes want you too ( havent you read their slogan \"The gnomes want you\" ). Dont go about giving Evan false notions. You just might end up with him (or is that something that you wanted ;)). Besides you know Moogie\'s the only one for me;) even though she spurns me.
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It says the gnomes j33d you, whatever that means.
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uhh yea, i never seen them saying they want me...
Evan\'s sig is saying they \'need\' you...
That leads to one conclusion...
c\'mon Auran... what\'s her name? :) ;)
Edit: sorry Moogie :(
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Ugh, the Cabal plague spreads everywhere... please stop the spam.
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It\'s hard to keep a topic under control unless something keeps it relavent. In your case, that would be the next part of your story. However, in a thread like this, it isn\'t like you can update it every day.
Too bad you aren\'t a mod on this forum.
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I WANT UPDATES! :( ;(
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Blaahh! I\'ve stopped writing. :( I just can\'t seem to get back into it. I did begin writing chapter 4, but I gave up after a while because it just sounded wrong. I had (and still have) a major writer\'s block here, as always happens to my stories... I\'ve never finished one before, ever, because of this.
Darnit... well okay, here\'s what I did write.
4.
Moogie sat up quickly, her ears pricking up in alert. She had been sitting infront of the fireplace most of the day, having raided Draklar\'s pantry for food and drink, and had been gently drifting off into sleep when she heard a muffled noise somewhere outside the room. She listened for a long time, wondering if Draklar had come home. Perhaps she had even imagined it. Whatever it was, nobody seemed to be there now. Moogie curled up tightly on the fluffy rug and closed her eyes again.
The feline suddenly jumped up onto her feet as the living room door burst open with a heavy kick. Four people dressed in dark clothing and brandishing shortswords bolted into the room and headed straight for the terrified girl. Moogie backed up against a wall, trapped, as the intruders closed in.
The air outside was silent and cold. Darkness prevailed along every street and building, shunned only by dim street-lamps that lined each side of the wide, cobbled roads. Nighttime had long since put the city\'s inhabitants to sleep; a perfect opportunity for the group of kidnappers to carry an unconcious female to their waiting horse-driven cart without being seen. With their hostage secured, one of the masked people jumped into the driver seat while the others hopped into the back. With the crack of a whip, the horse gallopped down the road and out of the city gates, disappearing into the darkness. However, a lone figure had silently witnessed the entire scene hiding in an alleyway nearby, completely concealed by shadow. Stepping out into the open street, the cloaked man hurridly approached his steed.
Moogie awoke to a dull pain in her head. She slowly opened her eyes to a dimly lit cavern, a yellow shadow flickering across the jagged walls to her side. She tilted her head and saw a campfire there, aswell as several unknown figures feasting themselves on the meat that was roasting on a spit above the hot flame. One of them, an Enkidukai like herself, noticed that Moogie had regained conciousness, and got up to approach her.
End so far[/I]
That\'s all I have... it has too much detail at first and ends up sounding awkward. Then I had trouble with the shadowy figure as he was a late addition to the plot and I wasn\'t really expecting to change my ideas so soon. Now I\'m stuck on who exactly these kidnappers are... there\'s several possibilities, but I have to decide which direction the story is going in before I can risk commiting any more of the story to this thread. :P
Still I hope that quenches the need for updates, at least for a little while... I\'ll try to write more, I really will!
(Btw it\'s really nice to see people actually wanting to read it. :))
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I can help if you want:). I have a good plot as to how things might proceed from here. But that\'ll lead to inserting me and the Cabal into your story and I\'m not sure if you want that ?(.
Btw it\'s really nice to see people actually wanting to read it.:)
What did you expect. Its the best story i\'ve read so far:). (Jedi was good but kinda less interesting.)
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I\'ve had the same problem in the several stories I\'ve tried to write. This was my solution:
Start with the big picture. The little details can wait. Figure out the whole plot. This doesn\'t take long if you have good ideas.
Then, to fill in the little things, write down a list of things that it could be. Then, write why or why not you might want to use it (optional), then choose one. For example, one of my original stories refered to \"some guy\". So I sat down, wrote who could be in his situation, wrote why, wrote comments (I did this all with Graffiti writing on my palm, aren\'t you proud) and finally chose one. There were 8 entries, I think.
Yeah, so that\'s what I think.
Also, anotehr opinion I have: The Cabal would make great villians. There is nothing wrong with inserting them.
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Well for me it was the best story around (mine suck like hell quited it) so pliz finsh it... its realy great... geez i cant make u to finish it but just for u to know enything u deside i will suport you :) whatever that means :P
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Thank you thank you thank you! Y\'all encouraged me to start writing again, so here\'s my gift to you- Chapter 4! (Alterations made since I posted the beginning of this chapter, so I\'ve posted it in its entirety below.)
I love you. :)
4.
Moogie sat up quickly, her ears pricking up in alert. She had been sitting infront of the fireplace most of the day, having raided Draklar\'s pantry for food and drink, and had been gently drifting off into sleep when she heard a muffled noise somewhere outside the room. She listened for a long time, wondering if Draklar had come home. Perhaps she had even imagined it. Whatever it was, nobody seemed to be there now. Moogie curled up tightly on the fluffy rug and closed her eyes again.
The feline suddenly jumped up onto her feet as the living room door burst open with a heavy kick. Four people dressed in dark clothing and brandishing shortswords bolted into the room and headed straight for the terrified girl. Moogie backed up against a wall, trapped, as the intruders closed in.
The air outside was silent and cold. Darkness prevailed along every street and building, shunned only by dim street-lamps that lined each side of the wide, cobbled roads. Nighttime had long since put the city\'s inhabitants to sleep; a perfect opportunity for the group of kidnappers to carry an unconcious female to their waiting horse-driven cart without being seen.
\"Are you sure this is her?\" A gruff voice whispered.
\"Positive. She has the mark.\" Another replied authoritively. \"Put her in the back and let\'s go.\"
\"What mark?\" The first voice replied. As Moogie was loaded onto the back of the cart, the two figures sat beside her. One of them gently lifted her torso from the ground and turned her body to show a faint symbol tattooed on her left arm.
\"This. You see? Our guild mark. She most is definitely Moogie.\" Having proved a point, the kidnapper laid her body back down. The other nodded in acknowledgement.
With their hostage secured, one of the masked people jumped into the driver seat while the others sat in the back with Moogie and the other two. With the crack of a whip, the horse gallopped down the road and out of the city gates, disappearing into the darkness. However, none of them seemed to have noticed a lone figure hiding in an alleyway nearby. He had silently witnessed the entire scene but was not close enough to discern what the hushed voices had said. His vantage point here was completely concealed by shadow, and his long, black cloak disguised him easily. Stepping out into the open street, the cloaked man hurridly approached his steed.
Moogie awoke to a dull pain in her head. She slowly opened her eyes to a dimly lit cavern, a yellow shadow flickering across the jagged walls to her side. She tilted her head and saw a campfire there, aswell as several unknown figures feasting themselves on the meat that was roasting on a spit above the hot flame. They each wore light clothing underneath a cuirass of leather armour and dirty looking leather grieves. Scattered around the campire were pairs of gloves and screwed up cloaks which the group had discarded there in order to eat and relax more comfortably. One of them, an Enkidukai like herself, had a more eligant, dignified look about her. She was a female, with much cleaner, steady looking armour than the rest of them. Underneath the untarnished material and shining metal buckles, smooth white fur covered her slim body from head to toe. A long golden falchion sat proudly by her side. As she sat chewing at a piece of meat, Moogie studied her appearance and mentally decided she must be the leader.
The female happened to glance aside and catch her captive\'s eyes fixed on her, like a criminal caught redhanded, much to Moogie\'s horror. She noticed the growing fear in Moogie\'s eyes, but smiled at her and spoke softly.
\"Don\'t worry Moogie. We\'re not going to hurt you. You\'re safe now.\" She said. This was a totally unexpected reaction for the girl and now the entire group\'s attentions were fixed solely on her. She sat up, feeling afraid and incredibly awkward.
\"Wh-where am I? Who are you?\" Moogie asked timidly. Her eyes darted from person to person, but met silence from all but the female.
\"You\'re back where you belong, Shadowkin. Do you not recognise us?\" She got up and approached the girl, showing the tattoo on her upper-arm and then pointing to Moogie\'s. Moogie almost didn\'t want to look, but brought her arm around to see the exact same mark branded on her own skin. Her expression betrayed deep confusion as she sullenly studied the symbol. What did this mean?
\"Your memory has been completely obliterated Moogie, so I shall have to explain alot to you.\" The female sat down beside her and offered some fresh meat. Admittedly, Moogie was very hungry, but she refused. How could she trust these people, who had not long ago struck her over the head and abducted her while she lay unconcious? Unperturbed, the leader began.
\"Firstly, I am Ayshe. I am the founder, and leader, of a Guild that you rank very highly in, friend. We are the Felines Lair. Does any of this so far mean anything to you?\" She asked, her eyes pleading to the girl\'s for some kind of recognition. Moogie, however, shook her head slowly.
\"I don\'t know... somehow it sounds familiar... but I\'ve never heard this before. It feels like deja vu...\"
\"Well that\'s a start, at least.\" Ayshe smiled. \"You\'ve been lost to us for a long time now. Since when did you forget everything?\" She asked. Moogie tilted her head slightly.
\"That depends on how long you kept me unconcious...\" Said the girl quietly, some fear returning to her voice. Ayshe sighed regretfully.
\"Oh Moogie... I\'m so sorry but we had to be sure. We were tipped by an informant who said he had seen you get carried to that building by a guard, but his information was vague. We needed to make sure we were retrieving the correct person before attempting to remove you. If it had turned out to be another girl, at least we wern\'t running the risk of her seeing or hearing anything she shouldn\'t.\"
Moogie stared ahead of her silently. If her captors needed her so badly, then why? Who was she? What was this high rank that the leader spoke of? Suddenly the memory of the abduction came into her mind. She absently felt the back of her head with a paw; it was still painful where she had been struck by the butt of a sword. However, she wasn\'t as frightened now as before. Going against all reason and logic, she felt like she should trust them. Moogie couldn\'t quite explain it to herself; perhaps it was due to feelings beyond her supressed memory?
Ayshe stood up slowly, turning to face the confused girl.
\"I know this must be pretty hard for you right now. Come, sit yourself down by the fire and eat something, won\'t you? I\'ll tell you as much as I can while you fill yourself up.\" With that, she herself sat by the fire and patted the floor beside her, beckoning for Moogie to join her. After a hesitant pause, the girl gave in to her hunger and curiosity, and the two Enkidukai talked for the rest of the night.
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YAY im so happppyyyy its back now i wanna see myself in there again and i will be extreamly happy :D
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By the way, the things Ayshe and Moogie \'talked for the rest of the night\' about will be told. I\'m not assuming people know anything, so things like this arn\'t going to be plot holes. For the next chapter I\'m planning on jumping back to either Draklar or the new cloaked character... wonder who he is... ;)
Sep: Don\'t worry if you\'re not in ch5, you\'ll have a nice part to play in this story, that I can promise. :)
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Good to see you back on writing again :)
ok, now i know who\'s responsible for that door thingy...
Tell Ayshe to expect a bill soon ;)
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Did you take my suggestions? Because if you didn\'t, my suggestions will feel sad and rejected.
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They were good suggestions, but I can\'t work like that. I\'m a highly disorganised person, and if I had to plan everything out and go through the elimination process, developing ideas etc etc I would get bored before I\'d even started writing.
My ways of working are to get a vague idea of what I want, write it all up quickly and then read it through about 5 times, each time adding more detail or removing irrelevant bits of rubbish. If, after all this, it still sounds horribly wrong, it\'s not uncommon for me to scrap it and start the entire chapter over again. However, doing this also discourages me from writing, and happens to be the reason why I stopped ch4 in the first place.
But like I said. That\'s how I work, it\'s what works for me most of the time. :)
I\'m really greatful for the advice though, guys. I will experiment and see how doing this works some time. Who knows, it may greatly improve my style... I might learn to love it! :D
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Originally posted by Mogura
They were good suggestions, but I can\'t work like that. I\'m a highly disorganised person, and if I had to plan everything out and go through the elimination process, developing ideas etc etc I would get bored before I\'d even started writing.
My ways of working are to get a vague idea of what I want, write it all up quickly and then read it through about 5 times, each time adding more detail or removing irrelevant bits of rubbish. If, after all this, it still sounds horribly wrong, it\'s not uncommon for me to scrap it and start the entire chapter over again. However, doing this also discourages me from writing, and happens to be the reason why I stopped ch4 in the first place.
But like I said. That\'s how I work, it\'s what works for me most of the time. :)
I\'m really greatful for the advice though, guys. I will experiment and see how doing this works some time. Who knows, it may greatly improve my style... I might learn to love it! :D
I write with minimal planning myself. I have a general idea of what I want to happen. And a very good idea of how my characters react in a given situation. Then I just let it flow from there. I\'m like you moogie way to disorganized. :-)
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Ahh... my story fix is here. You should be Chairperson of the PlaneShift Novelists Club. :D
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Yeah, I have no organizational skills (everybody says that, but I have no organizational skills as in no organizational skills that make teachers mad and lower my grade). Those suggestions I made are just what I found worked for me. What I\'m saying (or at least what I\'m saying now) is that you have to think of the long-term of the story. I think I have written... 3?... I made that never went anywhere because I couldn\'t develop a plot from what I had. My fourth try is working great, though. No, you can\'t see it. I\'m not done.
Anyway, somebody said that they just think up a general idea. Well, yeah, that\'s what I\'m saying. Without a general idea, it won\'t work. And a lot of the organizational requiring things are in making up the setting. The planeshift team has made a setting for you! Aren\'t they great?!
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Woooo party 4 ^^ me so happy :P
Moogie if u think bout stopidn wirtin im gonna scrach you ^_-
GO moogie go!
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Originally posted by Mogura
...One of them, an Enkidukai like herself, had a more eligant, dignified look about her...
I\'m shamelessly intrigued by your description of the character I play - you know how to win my attention.
Please, don\'t quit writing now!
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wow, this is the best story i have read in a while(and i read more than most people breathe) Very impressive, I can\'t wait for the next chapter!
Jessyn
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Great story moogie, i really like it. I hope you\'ll continue writing even after this story ends.
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ya moogie keep it up ilove this story ^.^
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*bump*
when do we get the next chapter?
Jessyn
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*triumphantly posts chapter 5*
Some notes: The style seems kinda \'off\' in this chapter... lots of action makes me lose a bit of structure in my writing. Hopefully though, on the whole, it is ok. Also note that there\'s something I couldn\'t spell hidden in there and I can\'t find it. So please point out any spelling errors you find to me so that I can correct them. :)
5.
The new day dawned over the countryside of Norgoth, yet the land below stayed stubbornly dark and forboding. As the sun rose effortlessly in the sky, it only served to illuminate the contrast between the bright blue of the heavens above and the shadowy, black hell below. This unearthly scene far below him chilled Seperot to the core, as he circled the black mass on his huge Magaras beast.
The animal, which resembled an extremely large bat with huge, paddle-shaped ears and a short, thick tail, had been with the Enkidukai for many a year now. The feline had called it Darkstorm after he found it orphaned in a forest near his home and decided to raise and train it for his clan. How ironic that name appeared at this very moment, for as Seperot looked towards the ground, the black, stormy mist seemed to rumble and groan with power as it slowly crept across the land, engulfing all that it touched underneath a tempestuous blanket of darkness.
The Enkidukai, who had visited Fort Freugel two days ago, had now come to carefully investigate the omnious threat which had appeared, without warning, in this land. He observed it with a deep sense of fascination and horror; he knew that hidden beneath this stormy cloud were legions of hideous creatures, mass-produced monsters of war eagerly spreading their bloody crusade across the land. He knew this from one of his closest kin, who had burst into Seperot\'s hut five nights ago, rambling of the dark army as he collapsed to the floor, blood seeping from a massive wound in his back. He had been stationed as a spy within the town of Rilheim, a settlement unfortunately caught in the path of the massacre. He had escaped, barely, and found his way to his Enkidukai clan base to warn his brothers and sisters. It was not long before Seperot took off to inform his greatest allies at Freugel\'s Hill and then see the monstrous force that had murdered such a good friend of his for his own eyes.
Thus, here he was, crimson eyes fixed contemptuously at the darkness below, at once compelled to take his revenge and yet aware of the situation enough to stop himself making a suicidal move. He wished there was something more that he could do, closer he could be to the enigmatic force seemingly resolved to destroy everything in its path, yet he knew that he could not risk it. If the storm that masked the monster army from his vision was indeed a rival God, he was lucky that his presence had not already been seen and snuffed in an instant. Infact, he suddenly realised what a vulnerable position he was in, and with a growing sense of anxiety decided to return to his home. He would order his clan to evacuate their village the moment he arrived- he would not see them suffer the same fate that had befallen his Rilheim informant.
Tugging at the reigns of his mount, Seperot turned Darkstorm to the direction of his village, but a bright flash of light and the sound of an explosion suddenly blinded him, and his beast almost halted with shock in mid-air. The air around them rumbled and vibrated angrily, and at that moment, Seperot knew they had been spotted. He kicked the beast to fly as fast as it could to escape the area, but all around them were rising pillars of thick, billowing smoke, twisting and spiking into the air as if they were projectiles fired with incredible force from below. Seperot\'s heart raced, the Megaras\' powerful wings beat hard as it\'s slim form sliced through the air, and all around them the black pillars began to pass them in height and come together above their heads, conjoining into one huge shadowy mass.
Suddenly, another explosive flash of light blinded the two, this time accompanied by a deep roar from above. Seperot darted his eyes up just in time to see it swoop down and knock him from his mount with a powerful, boney head. Seperot was caught totally offguard and yelped as he fell. He called out, and Darkstorm shrieked with effort as it propelled itself towards him at the very limit of it\'s abilities to catch his fallen master. The feline was only in free-fall for a few seconds before landing heavily on the back of his faithful Darkstorm once again, and he held on tightly now, patting the beast\'s neck thankfully.
Looking behind them, Seperot saw his assailant, a mighty green dragon with massive wings, maneuver itself expertly to give chase to the two after following him vertically down, keen on snapping up the Enkidukai\'s body as he plummeted towards the ground. Seperot\'s eyes widened with horror and he shouted encouragement at the Megaras. They had to get out of here! He reached for Darkstorm\'s reigns and assumed control of their flight path.
\"Looks like we\'ll have to change our tactics, Storm!\" He yelled. He angled them down sharply towards the ground, gaining speed. The dragon, hot in persuit, followed them, and began steadily catching up untill Seperot could hear the angry growls from the lizard\'s throat. He kept his course untill the last second, and just as the monster opened his gaping mouth to clap down on the back end of the Megaras, Seperot pulled them to the side and upward as hard as he could. Darkstorm channeled all of its energy into such a gravity-defying effort and only just managed to pull off the move, however the dragon was far heavier and found itself unable to change course. It slowly, agonisingly, straightened out as it hurtled towards the ground below, and managed to begin climbing in altitude again just before it crashed headlong into the grassy plain.
Darkstorm struggled to breathe hard enough to supply its overused wings with enough oxygen to keep them working. Seperot had gambled everything on his mount\'s ability to pull off such a taxing move, and although successful, it had been an extremely dangerous tactic to use. Now, his Megaras was struggling to keep aloft. Its energy had been completely drained- it needed to land soon, or they would find themselves meeting the ground in a very abrupt manner.
Unfortunately, this was no time to be slowing down and having a rest. The green dragon had pulled around again and found his agile prey, and was now once again in hot persuit. Seperot\'s mind raced. If they could not find sactury from this chase soon, Darkstorm would simply not be able to outrun it any longer and they\'d either end up as a feast for the dragon or splattered on the ground below. He had to think fast. Looking around at the terrain, he could see that they had travelled a few miles away from the perimeter of the stormy mass. There was a large forest nearby, potentially their greatest hope of escaping the vicious jaws of the hunter. He pulled at the reigns and they made a last-ditch effort to reach the forest before the lizard caught up with them. He could only hope they were able to make it in time.
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YAY im in it
tis the most action packed so far but i wonder why i dont just jump at te dragon and gouge his eyes out :D
great work again moogie ^.^
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When will i the great mage of the arcane order and a out lying hermit be in the story ive got to be in a story this cool :} Any how its very good and in all honesty its very hard to notice any change in the style because the story and what is writen draws you in so effectivly i have written a story before but i could never quite get my style right. where as your is great!
Any way enough of my ranting! Keep up the good work!!
PS ive got it you spelt sanctuary wrong!! do i get a cookie? :P
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Well I\'ve pretty much decided on the main characters now, Sifright. However, a few others will get their names mentioned in passing, and many Guilds will also be mentioned. I\'m afraid that if I were to name and explain the background of every single person who has stopped by and asked to be in the story, it would be nothing *but* that... and doing so would be boring, unecessary and misleading.
Hehe, it\'s funny that I still only know a few things about this story. I know the ending and I know the main characters... that\'s about it. :P I\'m playing Fate, guiding these people to their ultimate destinies, yet how they get there remains to be seen even to myself.
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come now i could be a hermit living in the forest that young seperot is racing towards or indeed somthing simular ;) and where is my cookie!! i demand my cookie hehe :P
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Nice fifth chapter Moogle:). Keep it up.:tup:
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Hey!!! Happy again :P another part to read ^^ (and another part i dont play a role in... he me wanna be there moogie :P u said i will :P Me wanna! ^^)
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i think I am the only one who doesn\'t want to be in your story :) Don\'t get me wrong, your story rules all, but I haven\'t defined Jessyn enough for her to be story material yet...
Jessyn
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Actually jessyn your not the only one. My character\'s history doesn\'t come into play until after this particular story I think.
Although after reading the story again I guess I could place my history before this one. I thought at first when she started writing it that it was a story about her origins in PS.
:-)
Moogie: I\'m jealous your story gets more attention than mine :-) lol
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I wish I could explain \'when\' the story is set, but to do that would be a bit of a spoiler untill I\'ve actually finished it. Suffice is to say that it is very complicated, and I\'m not even sure if I\'ve worked it out fully yet.
Oh, by the way, the story is now up here (http://www.mogura.tk). Yes of course it sucks, I made it! :(
*wonders if anyone would be nice enough to make her a decent website...*
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Why ofcourse moog! I would if you think I can do a good job with it and I get the time:).
PS-
No guarantees of sticking to the \"cute kitty\" theme however:P.
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offcourse i want to help you with a site, when i\'m done with the mtma site that is
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Wow, I\'d be very grateful for that, guys! Thank you! :)
It doesn\'t have to be something awesome, so please don\'t spend too much of your time on it. It just needs to look neat, presentable, and easy to navigate/read the chapters. Preferably something viewable with any browser too.
Thanks again! :D
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i could do that in a bout a minute but there will be advert pop ups
tell me the name you want for the site and i will make it in about 5 mins :p and yes it will be neat and presentable
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**looks around with a sad face**
no chapta 6 yet huh.....
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no sep no chapter 6.
and if sifirght needs some help i can create full asp with dbase connections website\'s but i\'m not that graphicall only technicall so if you need help gimme a pm and i\'ll be glad to do so
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erm i dont think iwill need much help im not gonig to need any thing like that :P im just going to do a site like moguras but it will be more colourfull :P
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*bump*
/me waits patiently for chapter 6...
Jessyn
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What? My story? What\'s that? Oh, that. *trashes it* I\'m too busy reading good stories to worry about my crumby piece o\'...work.
\'T kicks, Vicky. (just returning the favour ;) ) Struck silent, I am by such mastery of the lingual art. Cease not your efforts to produce a thrilling, filling, and (from that tidbit you sent me ;) ) thouroughly chilling masterpiece. :D You\'ve got my support...not that it\'s worth anything...but...you\'ve got it anyways. 8)
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Wow. Great style, Mogura! Keep up the good work! :)
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Great reading, keep up the good work and don\'t keep us waiting too long for more!
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I\'m sorry this one\'s taking so long. Once again my inspiration has left me and I\'m having great difficulty finding the patience and words to continue writing. This is what I have of chapter 6 so far- unedited, unchecked, unaltered, in all it\'s poor-quality unglory. I don\'t like it. =/
6.
Draklar and his leiutenants rode with haste along the dusty, worn path. The sunlight tried in vain to penetrate the thick canopy of trees above their heads. Small rays of light delicately touched the floor in mottled patterns as the branches danced and shifted the shape of the shadows. As they sped along, alert to the eery sounds of the haunted woods around them, the Defenders chose their route with well-founded caution. This forest was older than any Yliakum inhabitant knew, and many stories and rumours of ferocious monsters attacking and eating travellers had been proven true in the past. And yet, even knowing this, they valiantly pressed on. Sometimes the path beneath their steeds\' feet would disappear completely, but Draklar did not need it to know where he was going. He had passed through this area many times before; it was within ten miles of the city of Hydlaa and the quickest route to and from that city and Freugel\'s Hill.
Even Draklar had almost been an unlucky victim to the forest-dwelling monsters here many years ago. Before he had ever joined the ranks of the army, the young Enkidukai had strayed from Hydlaa City with a few of his friends in search of fun and adventure. A few of them brought iron swords, and they practiced their untrained swordsmanship as the others laughed and cheered them on. There was also a mage who had brought along some cheap spell scrolls to use, and before long he was igniting small piles of leaves that the others had gathered for him to burn, and propelling soundburst waves towards the trees, watching the bark shatter on impact. Needless to say, Draklar and his friends were mightily impressed and applauded his magicks.
The friends played noisily in this manner with their combat skills for little more than an hour before their sharp ears picked up the sounds of steadily approaching footsteps; they were heavily, and moving fast. Infact, whatever it was, it was coming straight for them. They barely had time to start running as a mighty scaled beast crashed through the trees and roared hungrily after them. Draklar ran as fast as he could, as did the others, but the mage had grown weary from his spellcasting and could hardly keep up with the warriors\' pace. The poor feline screeched and cried in pain as a heavy pair of jaws clamped around his middle, effortlessly lifting him into the air and crunching his bones in one horrific bite. Draklar skidded to a halt and turned, his eyes diluted with shock and disbelief as the sound of his friend\'s death still vibrated madly in his ears. Lost to anger and grief, Draklar acted without thought and charged towards the creature, who had stopped persuing the others to ruthlessly thrash the Enkidukai\'s body around in the air.
Suddenly its eyes shot open and it let out a long wail of agony as Draklar\'s sharp sword buried itself deep into its exposed underside and neck, spilling gushes of blood over the crazed feline attacker below and the monster\'s own cold skin. Draklar exerted all of his strength and energy and thrust the weapon as deep into the beast as he could, before it finally toppled over and lay kicking and struggling for breath on its side, the hilt of the iron sword still sticking out of its neck. Draklar\'s friend\'s body lay a few feet away, having been dropped several moments ago when the blow had first been struck.
Draklar\'s wandering mind was suddenly brought back to the present by a peculiar sound. It was that of a flock of birds taking flight in suprise, as if spooked by something. He raised a hand to halt his guildmates as he slowed, and listened intently to the world around them. With the thundering sound of their horses\' galloping hoofs gone, they could hear the birds dispersing somewhere to the south, their caws and cries fading into the distance as they flew away from the disturbance. Draklar turned to the others with a questioning expression. They in turn returned the look, equally as puzzled.
A distant roar drained the group\'s faces of colour, especially Draklar\'s. He recognised it from that terrible encounter years ago, and this time the beast sounded twice as large. He did not hesitate.
\"Let\'s move on.\" Draklar commanded, kicking his mount to get moving again. They continued their journey back to Hydlaa City, their pace quickened to put as much distance between them and whatever was lurking in the forest to the south. However, they hadn\'t moved far before another roar reverberated almost directly infront of them.
[Edit: Additional: I don\'t think I can write any more. So many things are changing and this story hasn\'t travelled half as far as I hoped it would by now. Non of my intended story seems to be coming through and it\'s all just taking so long. I wish I could write... I really wish I could! ;( But it\'s just not working out how I hoped it would. Sorry... I guess this is where I lay down my pen.]
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Bah, good-for-nothing cliffhanger endings. *groans*
It\'s too bad it has to end like this...
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No. This is not a plea, but a simple request. No. This is the best story to grace this forum in a very long time. It can\'t die. There is never a story so buried in itself that the author cannot eventually implement their own planned elements. You can\'t give up. Don\'t turn your back on something so good. Your work has much promise, but not if it dies. You don\'t have to constantly write updates, but just don\'t drop it.
Don\'t quit. We\'re all counting on you. ;)
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Originally posted by Mogura
[Edit: Additional: I don\'t think I can write any more. So many things are changing and this story hasn\'t travelled half as far as I hoped it would by now. Non of my intended story seems to be coming through and it\'s all just taking so long. I wish I could write... I really wish I could! ;( But it\'s just not working out how I hoped it would. Sorry... I guess this is where I lay down my pen.]
*hugs moogie* ...bein\' daft, n ur a great writer, u wunt \'av so many ppl readin it if u wern\'t. If its not following the right storyline, if all else fails just start again, or maybe put in some huge dramatic change get it back onto what u want, i dunno I along with every other person dont want u to just quit =)
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mogura im da kinda person who shouldsay that look how crapy my story is for a start i wrote in first person i realized my mistake when i wanted to change the focus to another person. any ways to get to the point Dont stop writing your story i mean so what if its gone off track a bit! that makes no differnce i find that most good storys dont just go from a to b they go from a to d trough x to b kinda thing. the story never goes along 1 path but many if you have read stephen king the dark tower series or what is writen of it so far you will know what i mean this story is awesome jsut keep writing im sure inspiration will hit you if not read some novels i m sure that will help
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Take as much time as you need. We\'ll be waiting patiently. :)
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no, that\'s no good, we must have more, we must ;( your story is absolutely wonderful, and if you insist on ending it, then pehaps a new story is in order...?
Jessyn
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I don\'t know... I don\'t want to just scrap this story. I had high hopes for it being one I would actually get to finish one day, but...
Well, If I\'m to be able to write any more of this I may need to go back and completely re-write some chapters, which will be boring as hell and I\'d NEVER get round to doing it. You know? I just wouldn\'t bother because re-writing stuff isn\'t fun. :(
If I leave it as it is, it\'s going to be hard to steer it through the story suddenly enough without rushing it and turning it into a fiasco. Bah! I don\'t know what to do. :( I don\'t want to start a different story. This was hard enough to get to chapter 6 without quitting. The story floats around in my head mocking me because I can\'t seem to keep hold of it while I\'m writing, and it seems to me that it\'s just going to stay there... in my head... and I\'ll never be able to put it into words. :(
[Edit: Oh, and another thing. Everything\'s changed since I started; for example, Feline\'s Lair disbanded. Draklar turned to the dark side. Although these things would have no effect in the story\'s world, it makes it hard to visualise what the characters are doing... etc.]
So many unhappy smileys in this post...
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Well, I vote you continue your story.
Even if it turns out lousy at least you tried...
*Wonders where he would have been...*
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What you did write was spectacular, but I do understand why you\'ve lost inspiration; so much has changed since you started. One of the first things I thought when Drak went to the darkside was, \"What\'s Moogie going to do, now?\"
I do hope you redo (or continue) your story in the future, though, your writing style was quite excellent. Good luck with whatever you decide to with that talent of yours.
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Thanks for the support guys. :)... But the more I think about it, the more I can see this story just getting abandoned.
I don\'t think I\'ll quit writing... but next time I\'ll probably make up unique characters to eliminate the possibility of me losing confidence due to changing circumstances in the future.
This story was very interesting to work on. I had plans for alot of people to have their names at least mentioned at some point. Hey seeing as I\'m most likely never going to finish this, let me rant about the storyline that I was going to follow. :) If you don\'t want to hear about it (I don\'t see why) just stop reading now.
Moogie awakens in Draklar\'s home with no memory of who she is and how she got there. At the same point in time, an enemy god has suddenly appeared and is launching a suprise attack on Talad\'s lands with its army of shadow-demons. This god, you would learn, came from the surface of the planet, where you could call \'Hell on earth\'.
During the course of the story, Moogie begins to learn about herself and her past, with the help of previous friends and guildmates. She learns of a prophecy to which her life is bound, and all the while the dark enemy forces are spreading descruction across the world.
It becomes clear early on that this prophecy is the key to ending the threat, but Moogie and her companions only discover the method to defeating the enemy towards the end of the story. Ending the threat would mean a huge sacrific... Moogie\'s life. Her path leads her towards a rift in space and time, through which the enemy god (a god from ancient, primordial times) itself actually travelled to reach this world.
Moogie carries with her an artifact of the god\'s undoing, and prays that when she steps through this rift, it will not eliminate her existance immediately. With a history-defying effort she pulls herself through into the ancient world of Yliakum. She finds herself briefly on the surface of the world... astounding beauty, unpolluted skies and fresh outside air... but she has but mere seconds before she disappears. She was never meant to exist in such an ancient time, and just before the timeline adjusts itself to compensate, she places the artifact and manages to erase the evil god\'s existance from ever happening.
In doing this, the future is changed. The hordes of evil monsters disappear, people are brought back to life, villages reconstructed instantaneously. People know no better; the terrible threat doesn\'t even exist anymore. However, on a certain day, something strange forms in a forest near Hydlaa... as if the air and light itself was bending and melting, revealing a hole just big enough for a feline to fall through, unconcious, and lay there untill an Enkidukai warrior chances by and takes her home to recover...
End storyline!
Well, that\'s it. Methinks up something different now. :) You know, that took me 3/4 of an hour to type out. Now it\'s 2am and I\'ll be tired for tomorrow! ><
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Well it sounds great!
Good look on your next story, Moogie :)
(Ya, I\'ll get around to mine one of these days :rolleyes: )
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moogie story must contuinue it MUST >.<
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Oh my god! You\'re back! Where have you been?! Everyone\'s been sooo worried, as you\'ve probably already seen. :( Glad to see you back Sep, look forward to a big hug when I get home. :)
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hehe moogie I love time travel paradoxes. and that story line smacks of one most definitely
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Well moogle if you don\'t feel upto it let me take over this story for a while. Sure I\'ll scrap your storyline but I\'ll try to tie up the loose ends and advance it a bit further. I loved your story so i\'d hate for it to be left unfinished even if I have to finish it myself. What say you? I wont spoil it, atleast i\'ll try not to. I am also hopeful that i\'ll be able to match your story telling skills:). So decide and post here what is your will. See ya. Dont feel bad about saying \'no\'. I\'d understand completely;).
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Whoa...that story line was awesome. So cool. It sucks that something so great has to end. Well, I guess I could rant and rave \'till I\'m blue in the face, but you\'d never let me talk you into continuing. :rolleyes: Good luck with your next work.
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Originally posted by Auran
Well moogle if you don\'t feel upto it let me take over this story for a while. Sure I\'ll scrap your storyline but I\'ll try to tie up the loose ends and advance it a bit further. I loved your story so i\'d hate for it to be left unfinished even if I have to finish it myself. What say you? I wont spoil it, atleast i\'ll try not to. I am also hopeful that i\'ll be able to match your story telling skills:). So decide and post here what is your will. See ya. Dont feel bad about saying \'no\'. I\'d understand completely;).
Thanks for the offer Auran, but I don\'t think I would like that. This is my story and it would feel weird to have someone else change the storyline and write the rest of the chapters. But thanks again anyway. :)
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Okee Dokee:):tup:. Would you mind me using your stuff in my own story then??(. Sure it\'d be another version of your story but it wont be yours exactly. I wont change your entire story. Your existing chapters will prevail. I\'ll just redirect the story\'s flow and think out a different climax. I\'ll change the focus of the tale from you. It\'d be like MOOGIES STORY: THE DARK VERSION ;) or I might even give it a different name. What say you? Nay is it? Since the original material is yours, your will shall prevail. Actually I could write my own but your scenario is something the players already relate to and it has laid the foundation of a great backdrop.
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Are you sure you have time to write a story on top of all the other things you seem to be doing? :P Exams, the Planeshift Saga game, your guild...?
Well, seeing as I\'m not going to continue it, I might aswell hand the privilege over to you. It\'ll certainly be an interesting read for me. :) You have my permission to use the existing chapters as a basis for the rest of your story.
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I never said I intend to do any of it soon:D. Maybe in a few months :P. Thanks for allowing the usage. I\'ll make good use :).
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very nice, it\'s a pity it has to be left unfinished
But perhaps there will be another story
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you didnt need to dig up a two year old thread just to say that.
adieu
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Ack! Kill it, kill it! :P
Reads here instead: http://www.planeshift3d.com/wbboard/thread.php?threadid=16461&boardid=15&styleid=3