PlaneShift
Fan Area => Roleplaying (Communitive Storywriting) => Poetry, Comedy, and other. => Topic started by: Draklar on March 05, 2004, 04:12:33 pm
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ok, before I start, I\'d want to say sorry to anyone that might get offended by stuff in this story. But I\'m simply using \"rp\" stuff I\'ve seen in irc/forums/ingame.
so anyway... enjoy the story :D
spamzor (http://www.hondahookup.net/files/Smilies/spam.gif)
The Lord of The Spam
The story begins in the village of Undermind, where old Link was getting ready huge party to celebrate making yet another hole. The whole village was trying to prepare for the great event, however preparations weren\'t going well - especially because everyone were afk most of the time. Suddenly a group of newbies noticed old character riding into the village - it was great archmage known as Aendar Callenlasse. They surrounded him and started shouting various things:
- \"Aender! Aender! we r noobs, plz help us!\" shouted one while jumping here and there.
- \"how do i open teh doors? I cant reach handle, tell me i know u know!!!1\" shouted yet another one.
Aendar got annoyed at all the newbs shouting and started yelling at them:
- \"shut up noobs! no one is going to answer your questions that could be answered in two seconds by reading the postboard!\"
One of newbies couldn\'t stand it and shouted in response:
- \"u r n00b urself, Aendar! why should i go to postboard if u can answer my questionz now? ur idiot now shut up!\"
Aendar glared at newb and continued arguing:
- \"well if you\'d come here calmly and ask your questions normally, I\'d answer. But if your going to shout it on whole village then no one will answer you. Oh, and you are idiot yourself if you can\'t go and read postboard like normal member of this community\"
It was too much for the newb and he started cussing at Aendar. The shouts didn\'t stay unheard and soon one of villagers was standing next to newbs. They looked at him and suddenly dread covered their faces. The dread lasted only for seconds, as new thing that was covering their faces was C4. The villager started laughing like a psycho, when he detonated faces of few newbs. Blood covered both Aendar and the villager. Few newbs however survived and started running away. The villager wasn\'t going to let them go. He reached into his pocket and one second later he was holding a minigun. It didn\'t take long \'till newbs fell dead to ground under heavy fire. Aendar and villager were staring at each other for a moment and suddenly started laughing at the killed newbs.
- \"Aender! so god to se you\" shouted the villager in joy.
- \"ehh... yea, greetings Seperot\" - answered Aendar while raising an eyebrow. - \"umm... was it... you know... that bloodshed... was it necessary?\"
- \"Teh blood, teh blood!\" Seperot grinned
Aendar raised an eyebrow once again
- \"ooook... so anyway, I\'m going to help Link with the party, are you going with me?\"
- \"sure!\" answered Seperot
The party got started that evening. It wasn\'t completely ready, but it had to do. Still everyone had lots of fun and food. Suddenly people started shouting for Link to make a speech. Link agreed, in fact he was planning this speech for some time now. He wanted to shock everyone with what will he say. He turned to the crowd and grabbed something in his pocket. Silence didn\'t last long, Link started cussing at all the people and none of his sentences made sense. The plan succeded - everyone were shocked. Link smiled and started walking away to his home, the Linkhole. Aendar shrugged and started following Link. When Link entered his home, he started jumping around in joy, but suddenly he heard familiar voice:
- \"You used the spamzor, didn\'t you Link?\" Aendar came out from shadows.
- \"Maybe I did, it is my own business!\" Link frowned at Aendar.
- \"It could end badly for you, but that doesn\'t matter now. Did you leave it for Seperot?\"
- \"yes, yes\" Link sighed and reached into his pocket \"no, wait... it\'s still here\" He took the spamzor out from his pocket and started staring at it. \"on second thought, why should I give it away? It\'s mine, I found it! You know what? f*ck you, Aendar, I\'m keeping it for myself!\"
Aendar glared at Link, suddenly whole room got covered with darkness.
- \"Link, you fool! Leave it to Seperot or I\'ll beat the hell out of ya!\"
Link got scared and threw away the spamzor. He pushed away Aendar and runned away thru the doors of Linkhole. Aendar got up and looked at the spamzor. He tried to inspect it, but its corrupting power was too strong. Suddenly Seperot stepped into the room. Soon after noticing the object on floor, he picked it up.
- \"Links spamzor\" he whispered in amazement.
- \"yes\" answered Aendar \"Listen, we don\'t have much time, this spamzor is very dangerous, we can\'t keep it here. It must be destroyed quickly. Not m...\" suddenly Aendar heard something outside. He looked out thru window and a moment later grabbed something from bushes. It was Tranor. Poor little dwarf tried to explain that he only wanted to \"do his stuff\" after drinking too much beer, but no one was listening. Aendar ordered him to follow Seperot in his journey to Kada-El\'s tavern in Hydlaa where they were supposed to meet again. And so the next day they started their journey to the Hydlaa city. Suddenly they noticed two characters running towards them. It was Monketh and Grakrim.
- \"you two didn\'t think you can leave without us, did you?\" asked Grakrim.
Seperot already grabbed one of his katanas, but Tranor stopped him.
- \"Let them come, they will take our stuff and it\'ll be easier to walk for us\" he whispered to Seperot. Seperot turned to Grakrim and Monketh and said:
- \"ok, you two can come. but you chouldnt folow us so youll hav too drag our stuf\" Seperot grinned and so all four of them came back to their journey.
It was evening when they suddenly heard someone shouting some nonsense in front of them. They quickly jumped away from the road and hid in bushes. Seperot grabbed spamzor in fear, but the power of spamzor started taking over his mind. When the person was passing by, Seperot started yelling:
- \"Tranor, move away, ur fat you know\"
The weird character started sniffing around the bushes, when suddenly he heard another noise. He turned around - it was a cute little bunny. He grabbed his sword and started chasing the bunny. It was their chance to run away and they didn\'t waste it. After a while in distance they only heard dreadful scream:
- \"woot! I killed the bunny, lvl up in swords! I teh roxorz!\"
They decided to take a shortcut, the passege of living rocks. Many legends were saying scary things about this place. Not many left this place, and those that did couldn\'t say what is there as they stayed insane. The four friends were walking quite fast and soon got very tired. All agreed to rest for a while and eat something. Suddenly they heard Tranor screaming. They turned around just to see a dreadful view. Tranor\'s head was already in some Kran\'s mouth. All three started screaming, scaring the Kran, who started running in panic all around the area. Suddenly another Kran appeared and with full force bashed the first one. The larger knuckle dragging Kran pulled tranor out of the fallen krans mouth and smiled a lopsided smile \"j0\". It was Kwartz, an old Kran that has been living in this place for tens of years.
He took them to his house, knowing that they won\'t manage passing this place all by themselfs. In the house there was waiting Nilaya with lots of food ready. Everyone got satiated and were ready to continue the journey. Kwartz decided to escort them and soon they were at the end of the passage. All four friends were very happy that they managed it and started jumping in joy. Soon their screams of joy got stopped by Kwartz:
\"Now gimme crystals or punch inna face..dats me punch u inna face yah? not u punch me inna face, cuz dat wud be just plain silly\" saying that Kwartz made a big diamondy grin.
Few days later they finally reached the city of Hydlaa. It was evening already and they started searching for Kada-El\'s tavern. When they finally found it, they noticed two enkidukais discussing something in front of it. They only heard part of the discussion, it was repeating:
- \"Please explain yourself better, I didn\'t quite get that.\"
- \"Either your not making any sense or my hearing is off today.\"
They moved on and soon got surrounded by the great atmosphere of the tavern. Various people were passing here and there, getting drunk to the point when they pass out. All four of newcomers took their place at the tables. They started drinking beer they ordered, only Seperot was worried. Someone in dark corner of the tavern was staring at him, he decided to ask one of barmaids who is it. The barmaid approached him. It was Alucard, also known as the uber-sexy female. Alucard was wearing leather half-armor, showing off the hairy chest. Seperot raised an eyebrow and asked for the stranger. Alucard answered:
- \"His name is Draklar. He sits in that corner all the time. I would watch out for him, people say he tends to argue a lot.\"
Seperot got nervous and grabbed his spamzor. He started shouting some nonsense and quickly got attention of everyone in tavern. Draklar grabbed him and dragged into one of rooms. Seperot grabbed his galkard and started yelling:
- \"go away, you wont get my spamzor!\"
Draklar not caring about what Seperot is saying, grabbed claymore and slammed the enkidukai. Seperot fell unconcious to the ground. One moment later his companions rushed into the room. One after another, they were put unconcious by the warrior. Draklar then sat down and started looking through one of windows.
The four friends woke up when they heard loud noise downstairs. Draklar told them to look thru window and so they did. They noticed a kran beating up the character they seen few days earlier on the road. Soon another few weird characters got threw out from the tavern. They all were wearing black rags. With all their strength left, they managed to crawl away from the tavern.
- \"Who were they?\" asked Monketh.
- \"They are spamg?ls, the demons of the spamzor. Their leader is the one that got beaten up by the kran. His name is Xordan. All of them however are controlled by someone else, the lord of the spam, also known as Auran. His goal is to spread spam all over the Yliakum and he will use his minions to achieve it. Only thing that he needs now is the spamzor, the one you have now. It needs to be destroyed.\"
- \"B-but... its my spamzor\" Seperot started sobbing.
- \"shut up!\" shouted Draklar \"It must be destroyed and that\'s final!\"
Seperot crossed his arms
- \"well... ok... but wher is Aender? we wer suposed to meat here...\"
- \"I dunno...\" Draklar shrugged \"something must have stopped him. But we can\'t wait, we must go right now.\"
And so Draklar and the four friends left the tavern and started journey once again. It was going rather calmly, however that chenged. They decided to rest at the ruins of Pooky\'s shrine. Everything would go just fine, but Seperot and Tranor had to start fighting once again. The group of spamg?ls heard the loud screams and started aproaching the camp. Draklar that was collecting some wood for the fire, suddenly heard screams for help. He started running back to the camp. Grakrim, Monketh already runned away, Tranor decided to push Seperot down to ground so spamg?ls won\'t follow them. Draklar stopped and smiled as spamg?ls were about to kill Seperot. The Enkidukai grabbed the spamzor hoping it\'ll help, but the demons were resistant to the nonsense he was shouting. Xordan took his galkard and thrusted it right into Seperot\'s heart.
to be continued...
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Drak...that is the funniest thing I have ever read...seriously I couldn\'t stop laughing. Plus you got everyone\'s character exactly correct too....lol. Can\'t wait for the next installment.
Takes a wild guess at who\'s gonna be playing Arwen... ;)
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Wow... That was... err... interesting?
I especially like how I got one whole line, became a pack mule, and then ran away in cowardly terror... *wonders what Aendar meant by, \"Plus you got everyone\'s character exactly correct too\"*
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Simple. The interaction between myself and the n00bs is almost word for word. Everyone knows Sep\'s a little crazy. Drak playing the dark, argumentative stranger. Monk and Grak playing the naive sheep. :)
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Weeeeeee! I love it, love it :D Can\'t wait for more! :D
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sorry Grak, it was the must of the story... however you have bigger (and better) role in later parts of the story ;)
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Yay! I killed Seperot!!! Woot!!
Good story. :D
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Dude have you not seen LOTR? :rolleyes: It never said he died. Yeesh .
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oh shush Aendar, don\'t ruin the atmosphere of the unknown :D ;)
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hahaha that is great i love it :D the whole c-4 minigun bit was down to an art :D do more drakler its great
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bah! everyone knows by now that i am the true king of spam! hahahahaha! actually i havnt even seen auran ingame for like what... 30 years? yeah thats just about right...
EDIT: hopefully in the next installment i can play the golum like character... hehee precious... me loves the precious........ no gets away froms us!!!! *runs away*
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lol I wanna see who\'s gonna be playing the other characters. If this is Lord of the Spam, then Whemy needs a part in it (EDIT: And Whemy beat me to it.). We already know who Aelya is gonna be...
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Bah, can\'t you let a man dream, Aendar? That\'s probably the second most popular fantasy in PS (aside from killing Rabartus).
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- \"yes, yes\" Link sighed and reached into his pocket \"no, wait... it\'s still here\" He took the spamzor out from his pocket and started staring at it. \"on second thought, why should I give it away? It\'s mine, I found it! You know what? f*ck you, Aendar, I\'m keeping it for myself!\"
I HATE YOU DRAKLAR! YOU MAKE MY STOMACH FEEL PAIN FROM LAUGHING TO HARD!! :D So much pain, who knew laughter can be so brutal!
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I think I assigned people to all story characters already... and yes, Whemy is there... I just couldn\'t resist it :D
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*rejoices* wee cool im in duh story! hehehe! you can basically guess which character im gonna be but im still kind of curious to know which one i am! hopefully i dont die at the end....
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i wonder who golem will be?
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me of couse silly....
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oh be patient... I\'ll post another chapter soon enough :]
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Edited for grammar
He started running back to the camp. Grakrim and Monketh had already fled, Tranor then decided to push Seperot down to ground so spamg?ls wouldn\'t follow them.
Sorry, but since I committed a cowardly act, it is my duty to choose a (not so) random part of the story and correct it. :]
I wouldn\'t agree that the character definitions were perfect. But then again, view is in the eye of the beholder. The beholder being Draklar. :P
\'twas pretty funny though. *Waits for next chapter*
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pff, there\'s a difference between falling down a pit and having a galkard thrusted through your heart...
Lemme guess, seperot is gonna be saved by healing.. and I\'m gonna get hit over the head with a big stick? :D
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Hmm... I guess we\'d be the evil mercenaries from the east. ;)
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Can I be Bill? You know the horse of Aragons?
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lol... very nice Draklar :D Can\'t wait to read more :]
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Draklar whispered \"ok, he should be dead now\" and attacked Xordan by casting a fireball. Spamg?l\'s rag started burning and he started running around like a live torch. Draklar then took down all others with his claymore and laughed as their spirits were going away to their respawn point. Draklar glanced at Seperot and whispered angrily: \"damn, he\'s still alive\"
Moment later the three companions came back. \"We came as fast as we could, what happened?\" asked Tranor. He chuckled: \"Is Seperot dead?\".
Draklar sighed \"No, it\'s only magical wound, we can get him out of it. I don\'t know how however\" Draklar smiled.
- \"I know!\" Monketh shouted happily. Draklar glared at him. \"Oh fine, cure him... you\'ll be sorry tho...\" And so all of them sat around the fire, only Monketh was looking around for various herbs. They didn\'t notice a person sneaking up behind them. Suddenly Draklar got caught in tight embrace from behind. Shocked elf looked behind. It was Aelya, as always dressed in her black robe.
- \"soo... what\'s with Sep?\" she asked after a while.
- \"oh, nothing... he got wounded by spamg?l\'s blade.\" Draklar shrugged \"Monke...\"
not waiting for Draklar to finish, she grabbed unconcious Seperot and called her horse. \"I\'m sure someone in Freenode village will be able to help him, we\'ll meet there.\" Draklar raised an eyebrow when Aelya disapeared in the darkness of night. Suddenly they heard Monketh:
- \"Ok, I have all the herbs we need... err... where\'s Seperot\" He started looking around.
- \"On his way to Freenode... well that\'s where we were supposed to go as well...\" Draklar shrugged \"We\'ll go in the morning\".
When Seperot woke up, Tranor was drawing something on his face. The dwarf didn\'t even notice that Seperot got awake, he already was lying unconcious on ground with his nose bleeding. Seperot jumped out from bed and started kicking Tranor and yelling various things at him while doing so. First one that heard the yelling was Aendar, who just rushed into the room. Seperot noticed him and shouted in joy:
- \"Aender, you maroon, wher were you? I hat to come with that idiot Draklar!\"
- \"Calm down.\" Answered Aendar \"I had an important thing to do and I got stopped and...\"
- \"well what\'s so important to leave me with that maroon Draklar?\" Seperot frowned.
- \"Ok, ok... if you insist... so I was on my way to Kiern\'s tower to talk with him about all the spam in Yliakum...
He welcomed me outside and soon together we came into his tower. The discussion between us started and it didn\'t take long for me to understand that we stand on different sides.
- \"Can\'t you see? We must fight the spam. Now, while we still can!\" I shouted. Kiern only shrugged and answered:
- \"There\'s no way of fighting the spam, it is our nature. We all are supposed to spam. If I\'ll get the spamzor, I\'ll overthrow the spam lord.\"
I couldn\'t stand it.
- \"You fool, there\'s only one master of the spamzor. And that master is Auran!\"
Kiern shaked his head and answered.
- \"I\'ve seen the truth. Auran is prepering the great army of n00bs to take over the Yliakum. With the spamzor I\'ll stop all of them. I\'ll bash every n00b that follows him.\"
- \"What? How do you know all this?\" I asked in disbelief
- \"Oh, that\'s simple\" he answered \"I simply came to his place and looked around. You wouldn\'t believe how lousy is that idiot\'s anti-spy security.\"
- \"You old fool! You won\'t achieve anything by that! You are doomed!\"
- \"Very well\" Kiern sighed \"I was hoping you\'ll stand on my side, but you already decided to be my enemy, so..\"
I don\'t remember what happened then... I think he smashed my face with his staff...
When I woke up, I noticed some n00b was chewing on my leg. I just flamed him and started looking around. I was on some clearing. I guess Kiern thought that I\'m already dead. So anyway I turned to this place and well... here I am... huh? Sep, are you awake? damn you!\" Aendar kicked Seperot waking him up.
- \"huh? what hapned?\" Seperot asked in confusion.
Aendar sighed
- \"Nevermind. No time for explaining now, get ready. Vengeance called a meeting of the races of Yliakum\"
- \"Wow!\" shouted Seperot \"So ill see teh gretest personas of ylikaum theer?\"
- \"Well actually no.\" Aendar shaked his head. \"They didn\'t want to come so we just picked random people from those that were around here\"
And so, when Seperot came to the meeting place, he could see a lot of various races. In the center he could see Veneance with a \"Venge|meeting\" tag on his chest. On small chairs there were sitting Draklar, Bobodar, NewPie and Dorbian.
- \"Wow, such abig meating\" Seperot rolled his eyes.
- \"Silence\" said Aendar \"Take your place and listen to Vengeance\".
Suddenly Vengeance spoken
- \"So I called you all here, because I have had it with all your whinings about spam in Yliakum. Tell me what\'s that spam you\'re all talking about and I\'ll try to take care of it.\"
- \"well...\" started Aendar \"There\'s that guy, Auran is his name. And he spams a lot and there\'s that spamzor and if he gets it...\"
- \"Spamzor?\" Vengeance interrupted him.
Aendar turned to Seperot
- \"Sep, show it\"
- \"awright, awright\" he answered and put spamzor on table next to Vengeance.
- \"So this is spamzor\" whispered NewPie \"I said that spamzor exists... and I\'m always right... so there must have been the spamzor... and there it is!\"
- \"so anyway...\" Vengeance spoken once again \"what do you want to do with it?\"
Aendar grinned
- \"We are going to destroy it\"
Vengeance raised an eyebrow
- \"So if you say that Auran is the source of all this, why don\'t you just go to him, thrust this spamzor down his throat and quit wasting my time?\"
- \"That\'s a great idea, Venge!\" shouted Aendar. \"But who\'s going to take it?\"
- \"I will!\" yelled Seperot \"Its my spamzor, youall leve it to my, damnit!\"
- \"Very well then.\" Said Draklar \"I\'ll go with you. You have my sword, Seperot\".
Seperot whispered only one word:
- \"damn\"
- \"And you have my bow!\" continued Dorbian.
- \"YOU HAVE MY AXE!\" shouted Bobodar \"GIVE BACK MY AXE!\"
- \"I\'m coming as well\" Aendar grinned
- \"And I\" said NewPie
- \"If that idiot Seperot is coming...\" Tranor suddenly rushed into the meeting place \"...I\'m coming as well\"
- \"Hey! You can\'t leave without us\" Grakrim and Monketh rushed just after Tranor.
- \"Great!\" shouted Vengeance \"Finally I\'ll get rid of all of you\"
And so, the fellowship of the spamzor was formed, ready to face the great spam of the lord of the spam.
Before leaving everyone got ready for the journey. Seperot was supposed to meet with Link, however it so happened that Link didn\'t manage to come to Freenode, as he got banished long time ago. Draklar reforged the great sword of destruction and at the evening he had very warm goodbye from the princess Aelya. The next morning whole fellowship went to meet their long waited destiny.
First they had to choose the path to Auran\'s place. Bobodar kept saying that they should go through the dungeons.
- \"We aren\'t noobs\" Bobodar said \"we can go there, nothing bad will happen\"
- \"Well...\" Aendar was scared by the possibility of being called \'noob\' \"fine, we\'ll go through the dungeons. But be aware! I heard that those idiotic n00bs formed a great beast there\"
- \"dont be parnaoic Aender\" said Seperot \"well be ok\"
And so they got to the gate of the dungeons. There, they noticed a Bernie dwarf hanging in front of the gate.
- \"You won\'t pass unless you answer my riddle\" he shouted \"speak friend and enter!\"
Aendar started shouting some arcane words, trying to solve the riddle. Then Draklar spoken:
- \"Mellon\"
Bernie noded his head and kicked the gate. The gate was in poor state so it instantly fell to the ground.
Soon after they came inside, Aendar stopped them:
- \"damn, we\'re lost\"
Everyone were sitting around waiting for Aendar to figure out where to go, when suddenly Seperot noticed someone in distance moving.
- \"what that?\" he asked Aendar
- \"That?\" Aendar glanced at the figure \"That\'s Savion. He\'s a total spammer. He probably wants your spamzor.\"
- \"What?\" yelled Seperot \"Bah! im going to kil htat maroon!\"
- \"yes, me too\" answered Aendar \"but there\'s no need to yell on the whole dungeon\"
Suddenly they heard loud shouts... it was noob questions. \"look what you\'ve done\" Aendar yelled at Seperot. \"We must run... umm... there!\" Aendar pointed in random direction. They were running away as various questions followed them wherever they went. Finally they found a room and rushed into it. Draklar made the last glance before closing and locking the door. He turned to his companions and said:
- \"They have a Forum Troll\"
It was only a moment before Whemyfield bashed into the room.
- \"aaaaaaaaaaa ur goin to die well kill u all!!!!11\" the Troll shouted.
Everyone started fighting. Aendar was bashing every n00b on his way, Seperot started running around with his galkard, cutting throats of every n00b that wasn\'t careful enough. Suddenly a n00b with mug in his hand jumped in front of Seperot. The enkidukai stopped and thrusted the galkard, stabbing the n00b in the eyes. Dorbian was running around screaming like crazy. Draklar was slaying one n00b after another, cursing Laanx each time he killed someone. Grakrim and Monketh were staring at all the bloodshed, when suddenly Whemyfield noticed them. He kicked Monketh few meters away and smashed Grakrim with his twig. Suddenly he heard Draklar curse Laanx once again. It was too much for the Forum Troll and he charged at the elf. Aendar seeing the danger casted fireball at Whemyfield. The troll looked around in confusion, when Seperot stabbed him in the back. Whemyfield screamed in pain and slammed Seperot, throwing him against wall. Dorbian was still running around like a psycho, bashing all the n00bs on his way. NewPie was taking care of all n00bs coming in through the doors, when Draklar attacked the Troll slicing part of his arm. Then, Dorbian runned at Whemyfield pushing him onto one of spikes sticking out from walls. Bobodar stopped crushing skulls of various n00bs and frightened by all the n00b questions shouted: \"retreat! retreat!\"
Everyone turned to a corridor, soon finding themselfs in pillar room. They all gasped, as an army of n00bs started falling down from the pillars. They were surrounded. It seemed like they were doomed, when suddenly the n00bs retreated. Instead there was some figure running towards them.
- \"Oh no\" whispered Aendar \"run! run to the exit!\"
Everyone started running towards the sense of fresh air, chased by the great beast known as... the TeddyBear. The huge kran was getting closer and closer, when suddenly it jumped towards the fellowship and grabbed Aendar\'s leg, successfully tripping him over. All others didn\'t even look behind and not caring about Aendar, they left the dungeon.
- \"We mustn\'t stop\" said Dorbian \"We must get to the elven kingdom. It will be hard as it is well hidden, but I\'ll get you all there.\"
Everyone agreed and they soon found themselfs standing on edge of a forest, next to \"this way to elven kingdom\" sign. They followed next signs and after few minutes great elven city appeared to their eyes. They were brought to the throne room when they seen two elves sitting on thrones. It was Gronomist and Lynx. Bobodar stepped forward and shouted:
- \"I am Bobodar, son of Bobo StinkFoot!\"
- \"awright Bobo\" Seperot rolled eyes \"noone wantd too know htat\"
The whole fellowship had a great time there, but the time had come to return to the journey. Lady Gronomist decided to give Seperot a gift to help him in the quest.
- \"Take this\" she handed him a scratching pole.
- \"wha?\" Seperot was confused with the strange gift.
- \"It is magical undestructable scratching pole\"
- \"wha?!\"
- \"I hope it\'ll show you the way even in the darkest hours\" she noded and smiled to Seperot
- \"WHA?!\"
Seperot got dragged into one of boats and soon the fellowship of the spamzor swam down the river. They stopped after some time to rest for a while. They weren\'t aware that a group of un00b-hais led by Darkmandis was going to hunt them down.
to be continued...
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great second installment, Draklar :D
waiting for the next part.
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OMFPE!!! :D
This is just great and I\'m even in there. :))
more more
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Originally posted by Jaxan
Hmm... I guess we\'d be the evil mercenaries from the east. ;)
nah, I have different plan about that :]
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Excellent Drak my lad:)!. Can\'t wait to see how I die:P. Though i would have preffered to be Melkor himself, i guess Sauron is the next best thing;).
OOC:
BTW Drak have you and the princess ever considered becoming good characters ingame actually? If my opinion is to be held in any value then I feel that you guys would do an excellent job if DE were good. Sincerely....
Being bad is not the exact job you or Aelya were cut out for. Aelya started it because she probably thought it was cool rather than being convinced that it was the role she was meant to play. Its not the role for someone as nice as her:).
And you were meant to play the strongheaded knight in some lady\'s service more than anything else. Its good that you play knight consort to Aelya but it would be better if its associated standpoint were light rather than darkness.
Don\'t think otherwise. This was just some RPing advice from one player to another.
Best of luck
Auran
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hehe... Aelya good? Well I never seen her as that...
believe me, she is evil...
As for me, I dropped the path of a good knight to become evil warlord and I\'m not going back :]
but enough about me and Aelya, back to the story.
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hehe, i love it :)
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im already dead? that was quick...
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well... Forum Trolls don\'t tend to have long lives you know... ;)
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hehe i stabed loads of things :D
i love the scratching post thing i now know whats going to happen ;) :D
p.s. auran i aggree draklar shouldent be evil but lets face it aelya is...more so then draklar easly ;)
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Forum Troll....I can\'t believe I didn\'t see that coming....so obvious.
Well at least I got Aelya\'s role right.
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Dorbian looked around the area. Seperot and NewPie were missing.
Seperot was running around exploring the forest, when suddenly he heard NewPie calling him. He stopped and turned around.
- \"Seperot, listen\" started NewPie \"I need the spamzor, by using it, I could destroy Auran\"
- \"no way its mine!\" responded Seperot
- \"give it!\" NewPie grabbed Seperot\'s arm, but the enkidukai wasn\'t going to give his spamzor away. He aimed at NewPie and kicked him right in the face. Before NewPie got up, Seperot was already far away. Suddenly NewPie heard some shouts. He turned around just to see a group of un00b-hais charging towards him.
- \"HELP!\" NewPie shouted.
Bobodar roused.
- \"Did you guys hear that?\" he asked \"It was NewPie\'s help call\"
Not waiting any longer, the rest of fellowship runned to see what happened.
NewPie was already fighting the first opponents, successfully slahing their bodies. But there were too many of them and just after one was killed, few others were replacing him. NewPie started retreating slowly, but he had to fight un00b-hais while doing so. Bobodar and Dorbian got stopped by another group of them and with bloodlust started killing one after another. Draklar was still going towards NewPie, slaying every un00b-hai that stood on his way. Grakrim was walking around, casting a fireball at them from time to time. Monketh was right behind him, not getting into battle much. While NewPie was fighting his foes, Darkmandis sneaked behind him and quickly stabbed NewPie with a rusty dagger. NewPie fell to his knees, but he was still alive. The rest of un00b-hais noticed Grakrim and Monketh and started running in their direction. Darkmandis didn\'t stop, he kept hitting him with the dagger. Finally Draklar arrived. He jumped towards Darkmandis and with one swing, he cut off his head. NewPie was almost dead, he asked Draklar to approach him.
- \"Do you want to tell me something?\" asked Draklar
- \"jeh\" answered NewPie \"Draklar, you aren\'t evil\"
Draklar annoyed by NewPie\'s words, kicked him in the head, successfully finishing him off. The warrior looked around. All un00b-hais were already retreating. Looking for the rest of fellowship, he found only Dorbian and Bobodar.
- \"I think it is only us left\" said Bobodar
- \"yeah\" Dorbian noded \"I\'ve seen those n00bs capture Grakrim and Monketh\"
- \"So we can go home now?\" Draklar asked
- \"no!\" shouted Dorbian \"We must free them!\"
Draklar sighed as because of chasing un00b-hais he won\'t see Aelya soon.
- \"fine, let\'s go\" said Draklar \"The sooner we get them the better.\"
Seperot was happy as by taking the boat he evaded the fight with n00bs. He decided to get to the other waterside and he was almost there, when suddenly he noticed coat shaking. Seperot poked it with his galkard and suddenly a dwarf jumped from under it. It was Tranor, he was hiding from battle as well.
- \"Where are we?\" asked Tranor after getting out from the boat. He glanced at nearby road. \"And where is that road leading to?\"
- \"I thikn tis rode leds to Auron\'s place\" Seperot answered.
Having nothing better to do they started following the road, but soon night came and they had to stop to get some sleep. Seperot woke up feeling a bit of pain in his leg. Suddenly he heard someone saying:
- \"Give it to Savion, Savion needs it! The spamzor belongs to Savion!!!\"
He looked towards the source of the voice and there he was, chewing on Seperot\'s leg.
- \"Savion!\" shouted Seperot and after drawing galkard, he stabbed him in the face.
- \"It burns, it burns!\" Savion started yelling and jumping around.
Tranor that just woke up grabbed his sword and was about to slay the creature, when Savion spoke once again:
- \"No, don\'t kill Savion. Savion will do good, Savion will lead you to Auran.\"
- \"We can just take this road and get to Auran ourselfs\" answered Tranor
- \"But Savion knows quicker way, Savion been there already. Let\'s go through swamps... yes, the swamps.\"
Seperot shrugged
- \"Well if u say its qiucker way well go there\"
- \"Why do i haveta drag those 2 anyway?\"
- \"Lord Kiern ordered us to bring as many prisoners as possible... and I order u to drag them\"
- \"whatever... I still dont c y shouldnt we just kill em\"
Grakrim opened his eyes, first thing that he noticed were two n00bs argueing about something.
- \"well duh, ur dumb so u dont understand\" said the bigger one. \"anyway, I think we should stop n rest for awile...\"
Grakrim and Monketh got released from a tight grip, but still they were tied. All n00bs were now busy with themselfs, so Grakrim decided to wake up Monketh. He kicked him few times and finally Monketh opened his eyes.
- \"What hap...\" Monketh didn\'t manage to finish his question, as suddenly n00bs started running around preparing for battle... someone was attacking. Grakrim decided to free himself by casting a fire spell on the ropes. By speaking arcane words, he summoned flames around his body and soon he was free from ropes. When he stood up, he noticed that Monketh was already free as well.
- \"How come you aren\'t tied anymore?\" he asked
- \"Well... it seems that those n00bs have no idea about tying ropes...\" answered Monketh
- \"bah! well anyway, we can\'t stay here. Let\'s hide in that nearby forest\" Saying that he runned towards it.
- \"Someone\'s running towards us!\" Shouted Dorbian. In same moment Draklar and Bobodar stood next to him. All three of them watched as two figures were getting closer and closer to them. The characters were well armoured, they stopped by the team and the leader spoken:
- \"What are you three doing here?\"
- \"First tell us your name!\" answered Bobodar
- \"I don\'t need to tell you my name. Answer my question, or you all will be crashed!\"
- \"Is that all?\" Draklar raised an eyebrow \"Only two of you? That\'s all you have on thy side?\"
- \"Well yea, that\'s my army...\"
- \"And you think you can do anything to us?\"
- \"Well err...\" the character shrugged \"fine, my name is Keldorn. I patrol this teritory to destroy any n00b forces that pass by\"
- \"Speaking of which, did you see a group of n00bs where you come from?\" asked Dorbian
- \"yep, we slaughtered all of them. No one stayed alive\" Keldorn smiled.
- \"but there were our friends... you\'re sure no one stayed there?\"
- \"Well you can check, but I doubt anyone\'s alive there.\" Saying that, Keldorn passed the team and went back to patroling.
When they got to the battlefield, to their eyes appeared many slaughtered n00bs. They were searching the corpses, but neither Grakrim nor Monketh were found. Suddenly Dorbian called others.
- \"you two see these footprints?\" he pointed at footprints in the ground that were leading to a forest. \"don\'t they look like Grak\'s and Monk\'s?\"
- \"nah, that can\'t be it. Let\'s just forget about the whole thing and go back to home.\" answered Draklar.
And when they were about to go back, suddenly Aendar appeared in front of them.
- \"What\'s with the hurry, Draklar? Do you miss your Aelya?\" Aendar grinned
- \"oh, just shut up\" Draklar frowned \"say... didn\'t that TeddyBear creature kill you?\"
- \"nah, it was a hard fight, but it takes a bit more to defeat me... actually I\'d join you back at the exit of the dungeons, but you guys didn\'t wait even one minute\"
- \"so?\" Draklar shrugged \"we had to hurry with the mision you know...\"
- \"Well I have new mission, I just found out that Auran wants to send an attack. We need to form an army to oppose him.\"
- \"Monketh, where are you?\" Grakrim shouted as he couldn\'t see his friend anymore. They were in the forest for quite some time now and he could say that they\'re lost.
- \"I\'m right here!\" Monketh answered.
Grakrim looked up. Monketh was sitting on a giant chair, which after a moment, to Grakrim\'s surprise, started moving.
- \"who dares to sit on me?\" asked the chair.
Monketh gasped as a giant talking chair wasn\'t something he would expect.
- \"a talking chair, eh?\" Grakrim raised an eyebrow \"well you don\'t see that everyday...\"
- \"indeed\" answered the chair \"but it wasn\'t always like that. It\'s a sad story, actually.\"
- \"I\'m listening\" said Grakrim
- \"Well in former days, this forest was filled with the talking trees. I was one of them. We were happy and didn\'t care about what was happening around us. But one day, the gods of Yliakum decided that we aren\'t oryginal enough. So they sent a bunch of rock people with axes at us... And since that day we are the talking furniture. But enough about me, what are you two doing here?\"
- \"we were running away from a bunch of n00bs\" answered Grakrim \"and now we\'re lost.\"
- \"ah yes, the n00bs... They are annoyance for us lately... In former days an old mage Kiern was supporting us... now he stands on the side of n00bs...\"
- \"Why don\'t you just go and get rid of him?\" asked Grakrim.
- \"well... sounds like a plan. I\'ll talk with all the furniture of this forest and soon we should be able to attack his tower...\"
- \"Come... it\'s this way, this way... follow Savion\" Savion kept calling Seperot and Tranor.
- \"ok ok, were coming its hard too walk on swmaps you know...\" Seperot answered \"hey, whos the rock guy?\" He pointed at Kran standing in the middle of swamps.
- \"oh, it\'s just Dur\'ok... don\'t mind him, we must go now!\"
Suddenly darkness surrounded the whole area. Savion looked up \"oh no! it\'s Xordan! quick, hide in grass!\" Tranor and Seperot did as he said and then looked up. Xordan was flying on a pterosaur. Out of a sudden they heard a dreadful scream: \"wooooooo!!! I can flyyy! I pwn everyone!\" It didn\'t take long \'till Xordan disapeared in fog, they were safe again. Suddenly they heard another scream: \"argghhhh!!!\" It was Dur\'ok running in panic towards Savion. Seperot grinned as the Kran runned over him. Tranor and Seperot then came to see what happened with their guide. He was still alive \"f-follow... s-savion\" he whispered and even though he was mauled all over his body, he started walking towards their destination.
- \"wow Savion, you still can walk after something like that? I\'m impressed\" said Tranor
- \"oh that\'s nothing\" answered Savion \"Savion is used to being beaten up by various people...\"
And so, by following Savion soon they reached the gate of the Auran\'s place. It was a dark region and hidious stench followed them wherever they went.
- \"damnit Tranor!\" Seperot shouted \"keep ur gasses for yorself\"
- \"sorry...\" Tranor shrugged \"it\'s that elven food...\"
- \"look!\" Savion called them \"there\'s the gate!\"
The gate was closed now, Seperot tried to spot some way to go inside, but he found nothing. Suddenly, to his joy, the gate started opening. An army was coming out. The most horrible n00bs were doing their dark march. Seperot and Tranor could hear some n00b shouting something about Reality TV, another kept shouted \"ha! i knew u can open gates, u all r idiots, i pwn u all!!1\" and yet another cussed at everyone around.
- \"It is our chance\" whispered Seperot \"lets hurry inside\"
- \"what?\" Savion turned to Seperot in shock \"no, you can\'t go. They\'ll catch you, you\'ll lose the spamzor!\"
- \"oh just shutup. I knw better then you\" Saying that, Seperot started running towards the gate. Savion wasn\'t going to let him do it. He jumped at Seperot and the both rolled down the hill. Two n00bs heard the noise and went to check what happened. When they were standing next to Seperot and Savion one of them asked the other one:
- \"do u c nething?\"
- \"no how do u switch to mouselook again?\" the n00b responded
- \"wait ill ask\" Saying that, he turned to the army. \"hey m8s! how do u switch 2 mouselook?\"
The others responded:
- \"dude ur such a n00b shut up if u dont know that!\"
- \"u d0n7 kn0w 7h47? 633z m4n ur 4n !d!07\"
- \"haha! look at n00b hes such a n00b!!!!11oneone\"
Seperot used the moment and attacked the two n00bs with his katana. two armless bodies fell to ground. Seperot grinned as he was completely covered with blood. One moment later Seperot started running towards the gate again.
- \"noooo!\" shouted Savion and threw a rock directly at Seperot\'s head, who then fell unconcious. Savion walked to Seperot and he was about to grab the spamzor, when suddenly he felt a cold steel on his neck.
to be continued...
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Excellent Draklar! Can\'t wait to read more.
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Originally posted by Draklar
All n00bs were now busy with themselfs, so Grakrim decided to wake up Monketh. He kicked him few times and finally Monketh opened his eyes.
Wha-? I\'m a mage, for Voldul\'s sake, can\'t I jostle him awake with a zap as opposed to a lick?
Wow, I got some more lines, fancy! But they were loaded with homosexual undertones, weren\'t they? Maybe I\'m just reading too much into it...
Yeah, abusing Grakrim is fun, isn\'t it? :P
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well casting such spell while being tied up might be... you know... hard ;)
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Wow, I got some more lines, fancy! But they were loaded with homosexual undertones, weren\'t they? Maybe I\'m just reading too much into it...
yea anyone feeling up to it go to quakenet and #PS_RANGERS and look at the title :D
realy good job drak :)
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err... lick, Grakrim? I\'m not sure what do you mean, but do you want to talk about it? If so, please, not with me ;)
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- \"give me one reason why I shouldn\'t kill you\" Tranor spoken
- \"well... you won\'t get inside without my help\" answered Savion
- \"good enough\" Tranor hid the blade back in his sheath.
It didn\'t take long for Seperot to wake up.
- \"Savion...\" Seperot frowned \"did you jst throw a rock at me?\"
- \"It was... for your best, erm... master...\" Savion steped back.
- \"you know wht is also the best? blood... lotsa blood...\" Seperot grinned
- \"no! don\'t do it, we both were using the spamzor. Only we know how it is... we should be sticking together!\" Savion gulped
- \"well... how about you stick togethr with me fist?\" saying that Seperot hit at Savion.
Savion knew another, \"secret\" way to get inside and they decided to follow their black-eyed guide. Soon they got from the lands of deadly-spam to a peaceful plane. It didn\'t look like anything will stop them, but suddenly they heard a loud war cry followed by sound of drums.
- \"w00t! w00t! w00t! w00t!\" it kept repeating.
One moment later they noticed the source of it. A large number of people were sitting on some giant creatures.
- \"This can\'t be\" whispered Tranor \"those are c0ws... I thought they\'re only a legend... quick, we must hide!\"
All three quickly jumped into bushes and kept looking at the situation.
- \"bah! seriosly Tranor, lose some weight!\" Seperot yelled. \"Who are they?\" he asked then \"the dont look like peple from our lands\"
- \"Auran must have took over one of realm portals\" answered Savion \"He\'s bringing people from other realms to take over the Yliakum.\"
- \"But where? where are they from?\" asked Tranor
- \"Savion heard Auran saying something about the realm of the... runescape... A gossip says that many horrible n00bs ready for battle live there.\"
Suddenly their discussion got interrupted by a rain of arrows falling down onto c0ws. The creatures started running around in panic. Tranor used the moment to try to run away, but he got soon stopped by Men In Green. Seperot tried to rescue him, but he got captured as well. There was no way to free themselfs, they had to wait and see what will happen.
- \"So anyway\" the chair spoken \"how come ... you two ... got lost? I mean ... one of you is an elf ... I never heard of elf that ... got lost in forest ...\"
Monketh shrugged
- \"Well I grown up among humans, not elves. I don\'t really see myself as one.\"
The chair raised a splinter.
- \"nevermind that ... we\'re already at ... the meeting place\" the chair made a big, chairy smile.
Monketh and Grakrim could see many giant things made of wood. The chair told them to wait a bit, as they had to make plans for the battle. After a while chair came back to them.
- \"So the meeting is over? We\'re attacking?\" asked Grakrim
- \"no, we must ... wait with the meeting because ... table, ladder and stool are ... playing poker right now ...\"
- \"bah, I say!\" Grakrim was annoyed but he had not much to say about it.
After an hour the rest of wood-works came to the meeting place and they finally could start discussion about what to do.
- \"We\'re almost there!\" shouted Aendar
Bobodar, Dorbian and Draklar glanced at the city in front of them.
- \"That\'s all?\" asked Draklar \"how big army do you expect from this place?\"
- \"How big army do you want to fight a bunch of n00bs?\" Aendar rolled eyes
- \"true...\" Draklar noded
Soon they got to the city and started heading to the castle. In front of castle gate, they got stopped by guards.
- \"You must leave your weapons here\" said one of them.
- \"What? bah, fine\" answered Draklar \"but if you touch my sword, yer dead, got it? Seriously, only touch it...\"
And so everyone left their weapons in peace.
- \"And your staff\" one of guards turned to Aendar.
- \"oh?\" Aendar raised an eyebrow \"you won\'t take a walking stick from an old man, will you?\" Aendar asked \"Especially that if you\'ll try, that old man will beat the hell out of ya!\"
The guard blinked \"move along\"
- \"YOU HAVE MY AXE! GIVE BACK M...\" Bobodar got stopped by Draklar
- \"Just come inside\"
They came into a large hall. At the other side they could see old king Cad sitting on his throne and someone else standing next to him.
- \"w-who is it, Xalthar?\" Cad asked the person beside him.
- \"four people came: arrogant mage, fury warrior, annoying dwarf and crazy elf.\" answered Xalthar
- \"what do they want?\" Cad continued
- \"they want... umm... bad\"
- \"oh... what should we do?\"
Xalthar didn\'t manage to answer Cad\'s question as his face got smashed with Aendar\'s staff. The hall guards attacked in same moment and the four companions had to defend themselfs. Bobodar started running like crazy all over the hall, making the guards chase him. Draklar used the moment and casted fireballs at every guard in the hall. Thanks to that Aendar could start conversation with Cad. It wasn\'t easy though as Cad turned out to be very old Enkidukai. Aendar was yelling some arcane words at him, but there were no results. Suddenly a fireball smashed Cad\'s body, killing him in one second. Aendar turned to Draklar.
- \"ooook, what was that?\" he asked
- \"umm... battle rage?\" Draklar shrugged
But Cad wasn\'t gone yet. Few seconds later he respawned as a young Enkidukai.
- \"Only two lives left...\" he sighed \"so what\'s happening here? Who caused all this destruction?\"
Draklar pointed at Xalthar.
\"What? this can\'t be, he\'s such a good advisor, he couldn\'t do that\"
- \"Thy mind is being fooled\" said Draklar \"Grab your mug, let your body and mind awake!\"
- \"My mug? But where is it? I didn\'t see it for such a long time...\"
- \"Here it is!\" shouted Dorbian while running into the hall. He showed the mug to Cad.
- \"Indeed\" Cad noded \"But where was it? Where did you find it?\"
- \"I found it in Xalthar\'s room\" Dorbian answered
- \"WTF?\" Xalthar jumped back
- \"Ah, so that\'s how it is?\" Cad picked up his mug and suddenly he felt force coming back to his body. Now, he was as strong as in the former days. He looked at Xalthat and with one swing, he spilled acid that was inside of mug all over him. The cunning mage was then kicked out from the castle.
- \"Good job\" Aendar whispered to Dorbian \"But how did you know it\'s in Xalthar\'s room?\"
- \"It wasn\'t\" answered Dorbian \"I found it in kitchen\"
- \"I can\'t believe Kiern is behind all this\" Cad sighed \"I thought he\'s on our side\"
- \"indeed\" Aendar noded \"But for now we need to get an army to fight Auran...\"
Suddenly they heard people outside calling Cad, everyone knew something bad must happened. When they got outside, they noticed an exhausted man on horse. It was DepthBlade, a warior from nearby village. Cad decided to give him some food and listen to what happened. Kiern\'s n00b army attacked the village, it seemed like he wanted to take over Cad\'s kingdom. The situation didn\'t look good, as it was obvious that Kiern has larger army.
- \"Don\'t worry\" said Aendar \"It is quality that counts, not quantity.\"
- \"No!\" Cad shaked head \"We must find better place to defend ourselfs.\"
- \"And that is?\" Aendar asked
- \"We\'ll go to the temple of Laanx, it already defended us once... back in the old days... in the battle against the lag monster\"
- \"Well actually...\" Aendar responded \"it is my temple\"
Cad raised an eyebrow \"Whatever, the point is we go there.\"
And so, after gathering as many people as possible, they started their march to Aendar\'s temple. Aendar however decided to gain few more people for the defense and so he took his own way, promising he\'ll be back for the battle.
- \"Bah! Can\'t you discuss it a little faster?\" Grakrim shouted to the chair.
- \"hey! The discussions take ... some time ... you know ...\" Answered the chair
- \"Well not as long as yours, why can\'t you speed it up?\" Grakrim kept shouting
- \"My child, do you ... know who you\'re ... talking to? I am Annah, the giant talking chair! I\'ve been here since ... the beginning, we all were ... and you are just a ... newb. I don\'t think you have anything ... to say here ...\"
- \"I\'d rather call myself midbie, thank you\" Grakrim shrugged \"And I don\'t see how the thing that you were here earlier makes you better\"
- \"Heh ... midbie? you? Kid, when you\'ll be ... at least ... a hundred years older ... then you can call yourself ... midbie. And we are better because ... we were here since beginning and ... we know it all!\"
- \"bah, just go back to your meeting\" Grakrim rolled eyes.
- \"Well normally you wouldn\'t see difference\" said Bobodar \"But I guess reason why you didn\'t see any of our females is because they\'re rare in these parts, lady Aineko\"
- \"But why? Why normally I wouldn\'t see the difference?\" Aineko asked
- \"It\'s because of beards\" shouted Draklar \"Normally they have beards, but somehow female dwarves here don\'t have them\"
Suddenly they heard someone yelling behind:
- \"n00b scouts! n00b scouts!\"
They hurried up to see what happened and when they got to the place, they looked up. Few n00bs were standing on the edge looking for a way to get down and attack.
- \"Just jump\" shouted Bobodar \"Falling damage not implemented yet\"
Hearing that, the n00bs jumped down and by hitting the ground, they breaken their bones, dying in the same moment.
- \"Kran riders!\" someone else shouted.
In some distance they could see squad of n00bs riding on trained Krans. Everyone got ready for battle. Dorbian started shooting arrows, laughing like a psycho while doing so. Draklar casted a fireball at the n00bs, however krans were resistant to such attacks. Bobodar was first one to charge at enemies. He tried to hit one of riders, but he was too short and as a result he got runned over by a Kran. All soldiers attacked the n00b squad. Many swords flew and one after another n00bs were being slain. Krans were hard enemy, but not being experianced, they didn\'t make such a dangerous enemy for warriors. Draklar slain yet another n00b and when he turned around, he noticed paniced Kran running towards him.
- \"damn\" he whispered just before the Kran runned at him and they both fell down the edge. The fight soon ended and they could get back to the march to Aendar\'s temple.
- \"So are everyone here?\" asked some soldier
- \"Yea, I think so\" answered Dorbian and after grabbing smashed Bobodar, he started dragging him on their way to the temple.
After few hours, they finally got to their destination. First they had to rest after the long journey. Cad decided to add newbs that were able to fight to the army and ordered weaponsmiths to forge swords for them. All that couldn\'t fight were ordered to hide in sector laanx_well. Suddenly Draklar entered the temple. He was exhausted and his armour was completely damaged.
- \"Damn I hate n00bs\" he grumbled
- \"Oh hello Draklar, didn\'t know you were gone\" Cad grinned
Draklar glared at Cad and moved on to change his armour. After doing so he joined Cad in organizing the defense.
- \"Few soldiers glitch to the top of the temple\" he said \"and take some rubies with you, you\'ll be throwing them down at attacking n00bs.\"
- \"Archers go to the balcony\" ordered Cad \"Few glitch to the other side, Another two stand on doors. You\'ll be shooting entering n00bs.\"
Gate to laanx_well sector got closed and few soldiers were ordered to guard it. Some were placed in sector: laanx_entrance so they won\'t let n00bs come in too quickly. Others were ordered to hide behind benches and doors. All that was left was to wait for the enemy.
- \"The meeting is ... over.\" Annah spoken to Grakrim \"We decided ... that we will attack ... Kiern.\"
- \"Well that\'s about time\" Grakrim rolled eyes \"Can we go there now?\"
- \"Sure\" he answered \"Hop on\"
Grakrim and Monketh sighed and they both climbed up the chair
\"It will be a show\" Annah continued \"that Kiern ... will never forget ...\"
And so the giant wood-works left the forest in a march against spreading of n00bism.
- \"Enemy is coming!\" shouted one of soldiers while running into temple. All soldiers looked through the entrance. A giant number of people were coming their way, the n00b march lied ahead. The gate to the temple got closed. Now they were only waiting to hear the first thumps on the gate.
to be continued...
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hehe still so funny :)
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Soooo how do the furniture walk.....that\'d be a sight to see.
And grats for the temple. ;) Some people still don\'t believe me when I tell them it\'s mine...
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Originally posted by AendarCallenlasse
Soooo how do the furniture walk.....
probably same way as they talk ;)
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Great story, love it :))
The furniture part was S_______________________O fun!
Cant wait for the next part!
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\"That was good.\"
\"Yeah, let\'s go get another.\"
*gets grabbed by the ear*
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Well I would have prefered to be Bill the horse but a exhausted warrior will be fine :)
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*Cheesy AOL voice*
You have fanart. :)
(http://www.seperot.com/moogie/images/17.jpg)
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hehe that\'s awesome Mogs! :D
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Great. That\'s exactly how i imagined it after reading Draklar\' story
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Strange....that\'s how I pictured Annah before this story....
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That chair would be scary if it didn\'t have that little crown on top, nice touch by the way :D
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well Annah ain\'t scary, so I suppose that\'s good ;)
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Bravo Draklar!!!
Xandria and Xandria give it (http://www.planeshift3d.com/wbboard/images/icons/thumb_up.gif) (http://www.planeshift3d.com/wbboard/images/icons/thumb_up.gif)
I couldn\'t stop laughing most of the way through it, especially,
- \"YOU HAVE MY AXE! GIVE BACK M...\" Bobodar got stopped by Draklar
:D :D :D
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How could I miss this thread...simply awesome Drak! :)
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whoa so cool lol nice story i wanna see what happens at helms deep. You have also inspired me to go on to planeshift and join the n00bs lol.Also i wonder who denethor and faramir be lol this be so funny.
my bet is um... acraig denethor lol
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Originally posted by Ikarsik
my bet is um... acraig denethor lol
nah, I have a better idea ;)
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This is awesome, Draklar! It\'s freaking hilarious! I haven\'t laughed this much in a long time.
My vote for best character so far is definitely Bobodar. (But the rest of you are cool too.) ;)
\"YOU HAVE MY AXE! GIVE ME BACK MY AXE!\"
It\'s perfect!!!
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I can\'t wait for the furniture to go to war. THat should be good :D
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nice story drak GO BOBO **keeps cheering for himself**
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Ooh ooh! I want in! Pick me! Pick me! *jumps up and down in an annoying n00bish way* Great story Drak, I especially like the talking furniture.
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Great, Draklar !
There are so many pearls in there, I couldn\'t help laughing from the beginning to the end of it, and more ! :D
\"They have a Forum Troll\"
Yeah, I loved that, good one :tup: ;)
Originally posted by Nilaya
\"YOU HAVE MY AXE! GIVE ME BACK MY AXE!\"
It\'s perfect!!!
I second that ! :D
*Empties his mug and waits impatiently for the rest*
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Wow! Nice Draklar. ;) Too bad I didn\'t see this thread before. I caught it just as I was about to leave and I am happy that I stayed to read the rest. The other peoiple were right.(can\'t remember the names; I think Aendar said it) The parts do fit the characters so good. Grakrim may not get enough \'zaps\' in as he might like though. *hint* ;)
Hehe, I will be on the watch for more to come! *fills up his mug, sharpens his Falchion, makes some nachos, and waits for Draklar to continue* Err, hopefully, you will continue while you are afk. :rolleyes:
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heh... it\'ll be hard to write anything while being afk ;)
anyway, I\'ll try to post next part tomorrow.
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Originally posted by Draklar
heh... it\'ll be hard to write anything while being afk ;)
I meant you could be afk from the game, and instead of doing something else: write the story. :) It is just a simple matter of....ok, I have no idea what I\'m talking about so I will shut up now. *cries cuz he might not be here tomorrow to read the story* :\'(
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The dread filled the hearts of many warriors as suddenly they heard the thumps to the gate.
- \"how do u open teh gatez?\" someone outside shouted.
They knew that soon they\'ll have to face hundreds of n00bs. Those that glitched to the top of the temple could start their battle already. Many rubies fell down onto the heads of n00bs that tried to get inside.
- \"xtals r falling down!\" one of them shouted
- \"huh? how do xtals look l..\" many died with their heads slashed by the sharp objects.
Still, they didn\'t stop attacking the temple. Not after what Kiern promised them to find inside. They were told that many weapons shop is located there. The gate was almost bashed open and the defenders of temple were holding their weapons, getting ready to fight. And the time has come, when with no barrier left, n00bs started running into the temple. In same moment all the warriors attacked, not letting them to get inside. Many swords and axes turned n00bs into just another corpses, but there was too many of them. It got even worse when few Krans started running towards the entrance. Many were crashed under feet of the massive creatures before they were put to rest. It seemed that they must retreat. All of them rushed into the main sector of the temple and stopped next to gate to the laanx_well sector. Just when n00bs entered the section, a rain of arrows fell on them up from the balconies. Still they didn\'t stop and run towards the warriors. It was the time for all hidden defenders to attack the n00bs. Many armed men jumped from behind the benches and joined the fight. N00bs started spreading all over the room and some of them already got to one of balconies. Bobodar was crashing yet another Kran when suddenly Draklar approached him.
- \"We must get rid of the n00bs on the balcony\" he said
And so after running up the stairs, they got to the top where many enemies were already waiting for them. The two warriors had to slaughter all of them. The spells of Red and Blue Ways followed by strikes of steel were putting n00bs to rest. The balcony was close to getting clean, but when they looked at the other one the dread covered their faces. The n00bs tried to get to the archers on second balcony by using their ladders. They had to be stopped.
- \"Follow me.\" saying that, Draklar jumped onto the open doors \"We need to get to the second balcony, but there\'s no time to glitch.\"
- \"But how are we going to do that?\" Bobodar was confused.
- \"We\'ll jump\" Draklar answered.
- \"Huh?\" Bobodar was surprised \"But isn\'t that too fa...\"
Bobodar didn\'t manage to end his question as Draklar already grabbed him and tossed towards the balcony. It was too far however and the poor dwarf fell down to ground. Draklar looked below.
- \"Bobo!\" he shouted \"I think I\'ll glitch afterall!\"
The archers were shooting down every n00b that tried to get to the balcony, but there were many of them and arrows were running low. Warriors tried to push the n00bs from temple, but they were outnumbered. Soon Draklar got to the second balcony, but still he had to take care of his head, which was still stuck in ceiling. Not much time later, the n00bs started filling the balcony and pushing the archers back. Finally Draklar managed to get out from the ceiling and in same moment he attacked the n00bs. Cad was swinging around his mug, crushing skulls of his opponents. The situation on the balcony was getting better and n00bs were being pushed down. Draklar jumped onto one of ladders and pushing himself away from balcony, he made the ladder smash a group of attackers.
Annah smashed yet another n00b and called all furniture to attack. The n00bs were screaming in pain as the giant wardrobe runned over them. Wardrobe was a skillful fighter and was promoted to the position of the war advisor many years before. However many say that Annah promoted him to this position just because of his name. This could be true, especially after incident of his \"let\'s sthrow burning stuff at our enemies\" tactic. The battle was very easy, as n00bs couldn\'t harm any of the wood-works. Grakrim was supporting them by burning their foes with his spells every now and then.
- \"Leave me alone, I can walk on my own! Seriously, quit pushing me!\" the Rocking-chair kept shouting to Table and Stool, who were pushing him all the way from the forest. \"What? Why are you putting those rocks on me? Argh!\"
The furniture used Rocking-chair as catapult and flinged the rocks at a dike, successfully destrying it. Water behind the dike started flooding the whole region and soon all the n00bs got washed away.
- \"We\'re here\" Aendar spoken
Keldorn looked at the battlefield \"You\'re sure it\'s here? I don\'t see any noobs.\"
- \"Sure it\'s here. They must be here somewhere\" Aendar started looking around.
- \"Well I don\'t know what was with all that hurry here... It doesn\'t seem like we were needed.\" Keldorn rolled eyes.
- \"Well you and your army of two weren\'t needed for sure! Geez, couldn\'t you get more warriors?\" Aendar started walking towards the temple.
Keldorn frowned, but decided not to say anything. When they got to the gate of the temple, many n00b corpses appeared to their eyes. Blood was covering everything. Suddenly a ruby fell onto Aendar\'s head. The mage looked up, someone was standing on top of the temple.
- \"Sorry!\" he heard the figure shouting.
Keldorn started chuckling and Aendar while grumbling something walked into the temple. Inside they noticed many people resting after the battle.
- \"Yer late, Aendar\" Draklar grinned.
- \"Well it\'s all because of Keldorn. He was stoping the march all the time\" Aendar frowned
- \"What? You were the one that wanted to make a stop so you\'ll regin your magic so that you could show off with your fireworks spells!\" Keldorn responded.
- \"I... don\'t know what are you talking about\" Aendar rolled eyes \"Right now we need to get to Kiern\'s tower and defeat him while he\'s still weak.\"
Everyone agreed and soon the army was ready to attack.
When they got to the Kiern\'s tower, they noticed that the whole region is covered with water. There was furniture walking here and there, Aendar already knew what happened. They moved down the hill to speak with Annah.
- \"Ah ... hello ... my friends ... it\'s nice to ... have you ... here ...\" the giant chair spoken.
- \"So you attacked the tower, eh? What did you do with Kiern?\" Aendar asked
- \"Oh, we can\'t do ... anything. The mage hidden in ... his tower and ... not even Ladder can ... reach him\" the chair shrugged.
- \"Let me handle him.\" Aendar went to the tower.
In same moment Grakrim and Monketh came with hands full of food.
- \"Oh! What do you have there, fallows?\" asked Bobodar
- \"Cheese. You have no idea how much cheese was here\" answered Monketh
- \"Cheese?\" The dwarf kept questioning
- \"Yea\" Monketh noded \"There\'s blue cheese, brie cheese, cheddar, feta, grating, mozzarella, fondue, smoked, spreading, stinky, swiss and many, many more!\"
- \"oi!\" Bobodar started drooling.
- \"Kiern!\" Aendar shouted \"come out and talk with me!\"
The mage of the tower came out to the balcony. Aendar knowing about Kiern\'s special powers warned everyone not to listen what he\'s saying, as he could lure others just by words.
- \"You\'re all idiots!\" Kiern shouted \"Now shut up and go away\"
- \"Oh yea...\" Grakrim rolled eyes \"I feel sooo much lured.\"
Aendar frowned at Grakrim and looked back at the balcony. Kiern was already gone.
- \"Fine! You force me to use my uber-awesome magical powers then\" Aendar raised his arms into the sky and started thinking what to do now.
- \"You are idiot Kiern\" Xalthar spoken \"It\'s your fault that they are here\"
- \"Shut up you peanut\" Kiern rolled eyes \"You are as idiotic as the rest of them are\" he turned to window
- \"Oh yea?\" Xalthar frowned \"You know what? You are just a peanut elephant, Kiern!\" Saying that Xalthar bashed the mage and pushed him out through the window.
Everyone watched as Kiern\'s body got smashed after hitting the ground. Aendar grinned.
- \"Beware my great powers!\" he shouted to everyone \"I can make others fall by using my will!\"
- \"Wow!\" shouted Dorbian \"That was great, Aendar! But now that Kiern is dead, what should we do next?\"
- \"We need to get an army to face Auran...\" answered Aendar.
The men in green released Seperot and Tranor in their hide-out cave. They didn\'t know what will happen to them next. Suddenly someone entered the room and started looking at the two prisoners. Seperot couldn\'t stand it anymore.
- \"Who are you dammit!\" He shouted.
- \"My name is Mocker\" the stranger answered. \"I am the leader of this band of people. We fight all n00b forces that come to these regions. But enough about me, I want to kn...\" Mocker didn\'t finish what he was saying as suddenly someone started shouting that he spotted someone. Soon after Mocker left the room, two guards came and grabbed the prisoners.
- \"Wht do you want?!\" shouted Seperot.
The guards didn\'t answer, they just dragged the two to their leader.
- \"Who is it?\" Mocker pointed down
Seperot looked below and he noticed Savion bathing in a pond there.
- \"oh, thts just Savion\" Seperot shrugged.
- \"Ah, so you know that freak? Admit it, you all are Auran\'s spies!\" Mocker frowned
- \"No were not!\" shouted Seperot.
- \"Then what are you doing here?\"
- \"You took us heer... maroon\" Seperot rolled eyes
- \"Ok, if you don\'t want to talk, maybe few arrows aimed at your friend will make you...\" Mocker made sign to get the bows ready.
- \"do it\" Seperot grinned.
- \"You don\'t believe We\'ll do it, eh?\" Mocker smirked \"Release the first arrow!\"
In same moment one of archers shot an arrow at Savion. The creature screamed in pain as the arrow hit directly his butt.
- \"do more! do more!\" Seperot started jumping in joy
- \"eh?\" after a while of pondering, Mocker noded to one of archers.
Suddenly the archer aimed an arrow at Seperot\'s head.
- \"awright, awright... so pushy, geez...\" Seperot rolled eyes. \"Were here witha gret mision from Vengeance we are suposed too...\"
- \"Mission from Vengeance? The one NewPie joined?\" Mocker interrupted him
- \"ya ther was NewPie there\" Seperot shrugged.
- \"Scouts said NewPie died on it! What happened to him?!\" Mocker started yelling at Seperot.
- \"heh he died? kewl, he deserved it for tryin to take me spamzor\"
Tranor slapped his forehead.
- \"Spamzor? You have the legendary spamzor?\" Mocker approached Seperot.
- \"Yeah, but you arnt getting it!\" Seperot shouted
- \"You don\'t have much to say in this situation.\" Mocker frowned \"Indeed, I believe Tepsu will be happy to hear about this discovery.\"
Mocker turned to the pond, but Savion wasn\'t there anymore. He decided to take Seperot to the Quakenet city.
- \"Spamg?ls! Spamg?ls!\" Shouted one of soldiers, trying to get everyone ready for fight.
Seperot and Tranor were close to the city of Quakenet, but fate wanted to stop them from getting there. Dogging yet another falling brick, Seperot looked with fear at the spamg?l riding on a pterosaur. The power of that spamzor was forcing him to go to the spamg?l, but Tranor stopped him just in time.
- \"We can\'t stay here, Seperot\" Tranor spoken \"We need to escape\"
Saying that Tranor grabbed Seperot\'s arm and started running towards exit of the fortress. They didn\'t manage to escape however, as Mocker was standing on their way.
- \"Please\" Tranor approached him \"Don\'t you see how Seperot is suffering? Please, let us go... he won\'t survive it.\"
Mocker started pondering about Tranor\'s words, thinking maybe he should let them go. Suddenly Seperot rushed at him and with one quick move stabbed him in the left leg. Nothing could stop them from this point and without any problems they escaped from the fortress. Soon they met grumbling Savion and once again they started following their guide, hoping he\'ll get them to the lord of the spam. But Savion had different plans and was thinking only about one thing: to get the spamzor back.
- \"Yes, Savion will bring them to her. She will get rid of them for Savion and then Savion will get back his spamzor\"
- \"Savion, where are you, you little idiot? come back here!\" shouted Tranor
- \"Savion\'s coming! Savion\'s coming!\" he answered \"Yes, she\'ll take care of them\"
to be continued...
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in this part there\'s more fighting than anything else and with it there\'s only one book from the trillogy to convert ;)
What should the rest of parts be tittled? Return of The Warlord? :D
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haha once again drak, hillarous although im still awaiting another appearence of the forum troll *taps foot impatiently* Oh well. as for a new name for the rest of the series i have no idea draklar.
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err... if you look at the second part, the forum troll is already dead ;)
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Oy! I didn\'t get to do much fighting....I wanna kill n00bs too. :(
Other than that it was very good! :]
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Originally posted by Draklar
err... if you look at the second part, the forum troll is already dead ;)
yes but as i feel the point of the story \"spam is pretty hard to defeat\". being the face of spam itself i would expect to at least ressurect once out of spite.... but do what ever you want, its your story.
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ok, tell you what:
watch all lotr movies and if you find a moment where the cave troll gets ressurected, message me ;)
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well in the two towers and return of the king, there seems to be multiple mountain trolls (the role I thought i portrayed) So i mean you could stick me as all of those spots or just show one and say that i went to teh nurses office and got bandages on my booboos.
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I \'ll quote myself:
cave troll
by cave troll I mean cave troll, not mountain troll[/color]
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but in the movie they are mountain trolls.... maybe this is more of a discussion for the irc *speaks the obvious and nervously looks at probation status*
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In the LOTR movie the troll that they fight in Moria is a cave troll. That is the character you were given in this story.
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another idea:
watch the fellowship of the ring, especially the part in Moria. Now you remember the part of my story when I say \"The have a Forum Troll\"? In movie it\'s \"They have a cave troll\"
edit: bah, Aendar beat me to it
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yes drak and aendar i remember that part quite fondly, its one of the better moments but i could have sworn they said mountain troll, not cave troll..
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that last part of the story was a little hard to follow but all the same it was funny
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Originally posted by Draklar
In that same moment Grakrim and Monketh came, their hands filled with food.
- \"Oh! What do you have there, fellows?\" asked Bobodar.
- \"Cheese. You have absolutely no idea how much cheese was here.\" answered Monketh.
- \"Cheese?\" The dwarf inquired again.
- \"Yea,\" Monketh nodded \"There\'s blue cheese, brie cheese, cheddar, feta, grating, mozzarella, fondue, smoked, spreading, stinky, swiss and many, many more!\"
- \"Oi!\" Bobodar began drooling.
Le fromage est bon, n\'est-ce pas? Mais...
Pie is better! :P
This whole thing was quite good. *waits impatiently for the next chapter*
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- \"Ok, if you don\'t want to talk, maybe few arrows aimed at your friend will make you...\" Mocker made sign to get the bows ready.
- \"do it\" Seperot grinned.
- \"You don\'t believe We\'ll do it, eh?\" Mocker smirked \"Release the first arrow!\"
In same moment one of archers shot an arrow at Savion. The creature screamed in pain as the arrow hit directly his butt.
- \"do more! do more!\" Seperot started jumping in joy
:D great just great
and whemy drak and aendar are right
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So finally Tepsu is the mad leader of quakenet - hehe, completely true :)
Still so funny :D - too bad it looks like i won\'t have a char inside :(
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lol poor whemy. Maybe its your babies in the third movie that attack quakenet lol
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*faints at the thought of more than one Forum Troll*
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i want to be the guy that sets himself on fire and act as a human cannon ball
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that whould be tepsu if im not wrong.....
you can always be part of the n00b hordes :P
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then ill be tha spider ! lol
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only one that I don\'t know and was included in story was Mocker. And that\'s only because of Tepsu...
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Aw I\'m not in it yet. Let me in, Let me in, Let me in
Anyway great piece of work :D
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- \"But you must unite your armies, that\'s the only way to defeat the spam lord!\" Aendar yelled.
- \"No\" Cad shaked his head \"We won\'t send our army untill Tepsu asks us for help\"
- \"Oh well...\" Aendar shrugged \"I guess it\'s all up to the great Aendar again. You!\" He pointed at Grakrim \"You\'re coming with me to the Quakenet city!\"
- \"Bah!\" Grakrim frowned \"What did I do?\"
- \"It\'s not about what you did, but what you\'ll do!\"
- \"What? Bah!\"
Seperot, Tranor and Savion were getting closer and closer to Auran\'s place. Like Savion said, to get there they had to use the secret passage only he knew.
- \"There it is!\" shouted Savion. \"The secret passage!\"
In front of them they could see a large entrance to a cave. It was about three times taller than Savion himself.
- \"Savion!\" Tranor shouted \"This entrance is huge, how can it be secret?\"
- \"Well... did you know anything about it before?\" Savion asked
- \"err... no...\"
- \"Well duh then\" Savion rolled eyes
Suddenly they heard a loud scream. They looked up and noticed pterosaur with Xordan on its back rising up into the air. Next thing they heard was a n00b battlecry. A nearby gate opened and a great army appeared behind it.
- \"Quick! We must hide!\" Savion rushed into the cave.
After getting inside, they turned around to look at the army once again. The march didn\'t seem to have an end.
\"Savion needs to get rid of Tranor\" the creature whispered \"he could make some troubles for Savion...\"
- \"Wht are u whipreing there, maroon?\" Seperot asked Savion.
- \"Oh nothing, just... Tranor is eating a cookie!\" he yelled while pointing at the dwarf.
- \"What?\" The dwarf screamed in shock \"No I don\'t\" he started getting rid of all the cookie bits.\"
Seperot rushed at Tranor and kicked him right in the face. The dwarf then fell unconcious to the ground.
- \"good...\" Savion grinned \"Now we can get back to our journey... we should hurry.\"
And so they moved into the darkness to find their way to Auran\'s place. Seperot tried to follow Savion, but in one moment he noticed that he\'s all alone. Running through various tunnels, he tried to find his way out. Suddenly he heard something
- \"Scratch!\"
Seperot looked around but didn\'t notice anything.
- \"Scratch! Scratch!\"
The voice kept repeating. He looked around and this time he noticed some figure coming in his way.
- \"Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!\"
Dread covered Seperot and the enkidukai started running away. The figure wasn\'t going to let him go and started chasing Seperot. It was getting closer and closer and when Seperot was out of strength, suddenly he heard some voice in front of him:
- \"yes, yes... she will take care of Seperot and then Savion will take his spamzor back...\"
- \"You traitor!\" shouted Seperot and started looking for something in his pocket to throw it at Savion.
He found only one thing. It was the magical undestructable scratching pole. He thought of a plan and threw the object in the direction of the creature that was chasing him. In same moment, the creature started scratching it, giving Seperot a chance to run away. Savion looked in fear at Seperot that was running in his direction with rage in his eyes. It didn\'t take long for him to flee from the cavern. By chasing him, Seperot finally got outside. Fresh air surrounded him once again. But the creature that dwelled in cavern was still behind him. A female enkidukai jumped with a loud \"Scratch!\" scream from behind Seperot. He was helpless and soon many wounds covered his body. But suddenly Tranor rushed from inside of the cavern.
- \"Hey, cat!\" he shouted \"Wanna a cookie?\"
The creature turned around
- \"Food!\" Leaving Seperot behind she started running towards Tranor.
- \"Catch!\" Shouting that, Tranor threw the cookie over the edge.
The creature jumped after it
- \"Foooooooooooooooood!!!\" she yelled while falling down to the river.
Tranor was about to check if Seperot is stil alive, when suddenly he heard n00bs coming. Not waiting any longer, he hid behind some rocks.
- \"h3y d00d35, l00k, 50m30n3 !5 ly!n6 th3|23 !!!11\"
- \"y0! I here ya, letz chck himz out!\"
A group of n00bs approached Seperot and started inspecting him.
- \"woah! hiz steal aliv, butt dose scratch-ys! teh Mogura muzt take care o himz!\"
- \"|3u7 5h3 n3v4 l1\\/35 h3|2 v1(71m5 4l1v3! 50m37h1n6 mu57 h4pp3n3|)\"
- \"yez, n mby shez stil arond\"
- \"yo! letz tak teh cat n live thes place!\"
And so the group of n00bs took Seperot with them. Tranor knew that he shouldn\'t leave the spamzor to n00bs and decided to follow them. They went to some ruined tower and took Seperot upstairs. Tranor slowly started walking up and suddenly he heard loud shouts. Not waiting any longer, he rushed up the stairs. He could hear sounds of fight when he reached doors. They were locked, but the dwarf bashed them open. Inside he could see half-naked Seperot. His body had even more wounds than before. Many n00bs lied slaughtered on the ground, but still many were ready to fight.
- \"boo!\" shouted Tranor while waving his arms.
one of n00bs raised an eyebrow.
\"I err...\" Tranor didn\'t know what to do \"...damn\"
And so the fight started. Tranor knew that he won\'t last long if he won\'t think of something. He looked at Seperot.
- \"I have an idea\" the dwarf whispered and moved towards Seperot. He aimed and kicked Seperot right in his butt, pushing him at the n00bs. All of them rolled through the doors and then all the way downstairs. Tranor finished last of the n00bs that still were in the room and then started walking downstairs. At the very bottom he found completely mauled Seperot.
- \"Oh my dear friend Seperot\" Tranor spoken \"Look what this spamzor is doing to you...\" the dwarf grinned
- \"I...\" Seperot tried to whisper something \"...hate you\"
- \"There\'s the Quakenet city\" Aendar spoken
- \"Yea, great...\" Grakrim shrugged \"why are we here again?\"
- \"We\'re here to convince Tepsu to call Cad for help\"
The two mages passed the gate of Quakenet and started heading towards the royal palace. A lot depended on Tepsu\'s decision and Aendar hoped that it\'ll be favourable for them.
- \"It quiet here\" Grakrim mumbled
- \"Indeed, it seems like everyone here is afk...\" Aendar shrugged
Soon they reached the palace and were ready to face Tepsu. They entered it and went straight to Tepsu\'s throne room.
- \"Tepsu, can we ask for an audiance?\" Aendar spoken.
- \"Jeh. What do you want?\" Tepsu looked at the two.
- \"Auran is preparing his army. He needs to be stopped. This can only be done by uniting your forces with soldiers under king Cad\'s command!\"
- \"Before I answer this question, may I ask what happened to Newpie?\" Tepsu frowned
- \"He died.\" Aendar shrugged \"Simple...\"
- \"And it\'s all your fault!\" Tepsu started glaring at Aendar \"Now leave this place or I\'ll kick you out of Quakenet!\"
Not having any other possibility, they left the palace.
- \"So what are we going to do now?\" asked Grakrim.
- \"We need to take care of it ourselfs. Here\'s a job for you: Do you see this flare?\" Aendar pointed up \"You must climb there and lighten it.\"
- \"Can be done...\" Saying that Grakrim raised his right arm. He spoken some arcane words and zapped the flare with a spell. In same moment The flare started burning.
- \"Yea, that\'ll do too...\" Aendar shrugged.
A soldier on an nearby guard post noticed the flare and sent PM to soldier on a second guard post. This way, by sending many PMs, flare next to Cad\'s castle soon got lightened up. It was a sign to get the army ready for march to the city of Quakenet.
The army wasn\'t as big as Cad would like it to be, but there was no time to wait. They had to move on.
- \"What do you mean I can\'t come?\" Monketh asked.
- \"Well... what kind of warrior are you? What do you think you\'ll do on the battlefield?\" One of soldiers answered.
- \"I believe I could do quite much!\" Monketh crossed his arms.
Suddenly Aineko approached them.
- \"Don\'t mind them, sure you can come along.\" she smiled.
They had a long path to walk. And there wasn\'t much time. Still they had to make it to support Tepsu.
- \"I think I should take the other way\" Draklar turned to Cad
- \"The forgotten passage?\" asked Cad \"You know how dangerous it is. No one ever returned from there.\"
- \"Still I have to try. It may be the only chance to defeat Auran.\"
- \"I\'ll go with you.\" Bobodar spoken \"YOU HA...\"
- \"OK!\" Draklar interrupted him.
- \"I guess I\'ll go too\" Dorbian shrugged
- \"So be it...\" Draklar looked at the passage \"We need to go as fast as possible.\" Saying that he started walking there.
Dorbian and Bobodar looked at each other and started following him.
- \"So what\'s so special about this place?\" asked Bobodar.
- \"In former days n00bs were being fought by outnumbering them.\" Draklar spoken \"But then many of midbies and oldbies stepped away from the fight. They then were rarely or even never seen again. The cursed beings made their home around portals to other realms. Those that come there must be getting tempted to stay there. Their home is located in this passage... ah, here it is...\"
In front of them there was a small entrance to the caverns. One after another, all walked inside. In the darkness, they tried to find the right place and soon they did. In a middle of a large hall, there was located a great portal. They approached it and suddenly many figures started walking in their direction. They all were the midbies and oldbies that in former days left the fight against n00bs. The three companions soon got surrounded and one of oldbies stepped forward.
- \"Giladrial...\" Draklar crossed his arms.
- \"Yes, it\'s me, but what brings you here?\" Giladrial smiled slightly.
- \"I\'m going to take you guys to a fight that will free you\'s from thy duty\" Draklar grinned.
- \"But I don\'t want to go... I\'m fine here\"
- \"Well I guess I\'ll have to force you...\" Draklar made an evil smile
- \"Oh?\" Giladrial grinned \"And how are you going to do that?\"
- \"Well... I have thy tail!\" saying that, Draklar pulled an enkidukai tail from his pocket.
- \"My tail!\" Giladrial jumped in shock \"well... I\'m fine with my new one\" he wacked his stick in joy.
- \"Oh really?\" Draklar squeezed the tail.
- \"Nooooooo! don\'t hurt my tail... it didn\'t do any bad...\"
- \"What is thy answer then?\" Draklar smirked
- \"Ok, ok... we\'ll go, just don\'t hurt the tail...\" Giladrial shrugged.
- \"The enemies are coming!\" shouted one of guards.
Aendar and Grakrim rushed to the city walls. Far at the horizon, they could see the great march of n00bs. It was obvious, the battle will come tonight...
to be continued...
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Yahoo, finally a zap I can be proud of! :P
Anyway, I\'m sure at least 70% of the people reading this thing didn\'t get the conversation with Gil... Risky move.
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Most people don\'t even know who Giladrial is... oh well... for those that were here before me: Giladrial was known as Niteglade.
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Wait so who was the sratching enki in the cave?
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one of n00bs said it, read carefully :P
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Ohhhhhh I completely missed that. Heh Moogie kicked Sep\'s arse.....that\'s funny. :]
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mea shes the only one i\'d let get away with it ;)
oh mebbie now is a good time to mention what other body parts gial has lost......everything exept his torso and head excluding ears :D
great work as always drak
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Giladrial 8o
Never heard of that guy before. It also says that he registered at June 2003. I wouldnt call that uber-old. I think Cad could be older, so he dosnt relay fit in that role. Sorry if im mistaken and Giladrial is uber-old.
EDIT: Forgot to say smthn. The story r0x0rs agin.
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Originally posted by Draklar
for those that were here before me: Giladrial was known as Niteglade.
Niteglade\'s ID = 2323
makes him pretty old, eh? ;)
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Originally posted by Draklar
Niteglade\'s ID = 2323
makes him pretty old, eh? ;)
Well, hes a MB guy. Check my ID :P And i tell you, i was kinda active when MB launched, dont remember him somehow.
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no, he was Niteglade in AB. Changed name just before I joined Planeshift (Somewhere in May)
And if you don\'t know Giladrial... well... that just shows how much time you spent ingame after May ;)
by the way: nice ID, but Vengeance still owns everyone ;)
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The army of n00bs was already standing near the walls of the Quakenet city. The two armies were already ready to fight, it was just a matter of minutes before n00bs would attack. Aendar was still trying to get as many soldiers as possible to the city walls. Suddenly they noticed n00bs pushing a machines to the battlefield. The machines were quickly put into use and the battle started. Using that primitive technology, few Krans got slinged at the walls of Quakenet. The defenders responded with slinging mud at the n00bs. After a while all of the n00bs were sent to bash the gate. Archers tried to stop them, but there were too many n00bs and the gate soon got opened. The spamg?ls joined the battle as well and started terrorizing soldiers in the whole city.
Grakrim that was standing in back lines glanced at Tepsu. The old man was mumbling something for some time now.
- \"We\'re all doomed!\" suddenly shouted Tepsu \"They\'ll bring scripts, lots of scripts! The scripts will be all around the Quakenet and we won\'t be able to do anything about it! Run! Run for your lives, before the horrible scripts will get you!\"
Grakrim wasn\'t going to look at it anymore and rushed to tell Aendar about it. Aendar was busy with bashing n00bs that were entering the city. Grakrim tried to help him, but still Aendar was fighting them madly and didn\'t notice Grakrim asking for help. Grakrim didn\'t have choice and zapped Aendar\'s butt, getting his attention in the same moment.
- \"oooook, what was that?\" Aendar raised an eyebrow.
- \"Tepsu has gone mad, he\'s shouting some creepy things! He must be stopped!\" saying that, Grakrim pointed at place where Tepsu is.
Aendar didn\'t wait any longer and rushed to talk with Tepsu. When he got to the place, Tepsu was still shouting something about scripts. There was only one thing to do. Aendar smashed Tepsu\'s head with his staff and shouted to the soldiers around \"Get back to fight!\"
The defenders of Quakenet couldn\'t stop n00bs from entering the city. The attackers were quickly taking over. Suddenly at the hill arrived Cad and his army. They weren\'t too late yet and could join the fight. And so, after getting their weapons ready, they charged at the forces of n00bs. Soldiers under command of Cad was too much for them and the defenders of Quakenet were slowly gaining lead. But those weren\'t all forces of n00bs. N00bs of the land of runescape soon joined the fight by riding on c0ws. This force was too strong for Cad. The soldiers were being smashed by the charge of c0ws and soon Cad got squashed as well. But after a while the Enkidukai was alright again.
- \"Only one life left\" Cad sighed
Suddenly something landed behind him. Cad turned around, it was Xordan. Cad didn\'t stand a chance against the powerleveler and quickly got slain with a sword. Aineko noticed it and quickly rushed to avenge cad. Xordan laughed at her.
- \"Ha! Don\'t you know that I can\'t be killed? I\'ll respawn somewhere around and get back quickly. You risk your life for nothing!\"
- \"We\'ll see about that...\" Aineko smiled and started speaking arcane words: \"/ignore Xordan\"
Suddenly Xordan\'s power started fading and he couldn\'t fight anymore. Aineko didn\'t have any more problems. She just approached him and stabbed him in the face with her galkard.
At the port arrived two ships with \"woot! we pwn u all!\" painted on them.
- \"w3ll itz ab0u7 7imez u comz!\" one of n00bs shouted \"w3 steal haf somezorz ppl to killz!\"
To their surprise on the ships appeared Draklar, Bobodar and Dorbian. But it wasn\'t all. One moment later many midbies and oldbies from the ships joined the fight to defeat n00bs. It was just a matter of time, before the Quakenet got defended.
- \"Can I have my tail now?\" Giladrial turned to Draklar
- \"Nope, sorry... I promissed to give it back to Kada...\" Draklar shrugged \"Either way you are free now\"
- \"but... well... ok, ok... nevermind\" Giladrial shrugged and took all the forgotten ones back to the portal.
- \"So what now?\" asked Draklar \"What should be our next move?\"
- \"Now we\'ll go straight to Auran\'s place!\" Aendar grinned
No one had anything against that and soon the armies united were ready to face the source of the spam. It was a dangerous move, but it was better than just wait for next attack to come. Soon they arrived to the gate of Auran\'s place. Many n00bs were standing on the walls waiting for a command to attack. Suddenly the gate opened and n00bs started surrounding them. They were outnumbered, but still believed that they can win. All the n00bs stopped and got ready to fight. One moment later Draklar received a PM from Auran:
- \"Hey there sonny boy, why do you fight on the side of those losers? Why not join me in the darkness. Yes, don\'t you know? Only by being a n00b you can be evil. So much to learn o\' young one. And cookies are free today, in three, yes THREE!!! flavours. So join me today and get your brand new, FREE button! What button you ask? See? You still have so much to learn! THE button of course! Don\'t be a fool, you can\'t reject that offer! It\'s a button we\'re talking about, a BUTTON, sonny...\"
Draklar looked around and after a while shouted to all the soldiers:
- \"Let\'s kick their arses!\"
And so the battle started. Everyone knew that they\'ll have to give everything they have into it to defeat their enemies.
- \"Seperot, look!\" shouted Tranor \"All the n00bs are going away! It\'s our chance to get to Auran.\"
The mauled Enkidukai looked at the n00b forces. Indeed, all of them were going somewhere, revealing the clear path to Auran. Not wasting the time, they started running as fast as possible. Suddenly something jumped from behind rocks.
- \"Noooooo! You can\'t give it to Auran. The spamzor belongs to Savion!\" saying that, Savion grabbed Seperot\'s throat.
Tranor wasn\'t going to let him kill Seperot and with all strength, he kicked the creature right in the back.
- \"We must run, Seperot!\" he shouted.
The two started running to Auran once again, leaving Savion behind. Unfortunately in the middle of their way, Seperot lost the last of his strength.
- \"I cant goe any futrher!\" he spoken.
But Tranor wasn\'t going to leave him alone. He grabbed the Enkidukai\'s tail and started dragging him behind. They were getting closer and closer. Few minutes later Tranor noticed a little hut in a distance. He finally noticed their destination. He approached the hut and bashed the doors open. He was too scared to enter however. Knowing as Auran might be such a powerful being. Suddenly a short old man with a walking stick came out from the hut.
- \"oops... sorry, I thought it\'s Auran\'s hut...\" Tranor shrugged
- \"It is! What do you want from me, sonny? And why did you bash my doors?\" he shaked his fist \"Cows are yellow! Did you know that cows are yellow? NO! And you know why? Because you are too young to know such things. Oh, in my age you\'d understand how cows are yellow... did I mention some are blue too? When you\'ll experience as much as I did.... yes, I\'m old! Do you know how old I am? Sonny you know nothing, come back when you\'ll be in my age... or when you\'ll see a yellow cow. But you know what? The doors aren\'t yellow, they are destroyed! And I want new ones. Make them yellow since you seem to like that color so much!\"
Tranor not caring about what Auran is saying, started searching for spamzor in Seperot\'s inventory. But suddenly happened something that stopped Tranor from finishing his plan. Seperot woke up. Seeing Tranor searching something in his inventory, Seperot grabbed his katana and attacked the dwarf. One moment later armless Tranor fell to the ground.
- \"Great job, sonny...\" Auran spoken \"You got rid of that clown. Now give me the spamzor... say, did I ever tell you about the yellow cows?\"
- \"Noway!\" Shouted Seperot \"Im keepin teh spamzor for mysefl! And u are going to end jst like Trenor did!\"
- \"Don\'t kid yourself Seppy son.\" Auran swinged his walking stick \"You know you can\'t fight me. You don\'t have as much power as I have. Do you know what is the power of REALITY TV? Yes, now that\'s something. And you? You don\'t even have tv in your name, unlike me, because I actually have it! So what that you don\'t see tv in Auran? It\'s well hidden! Do you think I will reveal everything to you? Sonny, don\'t make me laugh. Why would I show tv to you?\"
- \"Bah, shutup!\" Seperot was about to throw galkard at Auran, when suddenly Savion attacked him.
- \"Give Savion his spamzor!\" The creature yelled.
Seperot was holding his spamzor tightly so eventually Savion started chewing on his arm. Seperot looked at Savion, shrugged and thrusted his galkard right in creature\'s right eye. Auran used the situation and swinged his walking stick at Seperot\'s head. The Enkidukai triped over and while falling down, hit his head against a sharp rock. Auran looked at all the dead bodies and while grinning, picked up the spamzor.
Suddenly Auran heard some people outside his hut. He looked outside. It was Aendar and Draklar. He lost the battle at the gate, but now he had his spamzor.
- \"So what brings you here, kiddies? Want to talk with your old, good uncle Jimmy? Well I\'m at your service then. But if you want to fight me then you two must be idiots! What possibly can you do to me? I am Auran. THE Auran. Do you know how long it takes for a tree to grow? No, because you are too young to know that. You are just right to be clowns however. How about it? I\'ll even give you free cookies! We have 4, no, 5! flavours by now. Just look at the birds! Don\'t you see? They fly! What were you thinking? From this simple logic you should know that you can\'t fight me! So what will ya say? Cookie?\"
Both Aendar and Draklar grinned.
What happened next wasn\'t even a fight. The mage and warrior finished Vengeance\'s quest with success. It turned out that old people with spamzors stuck in their throats don\'t spam as much anymore. After that everyone returned to their homes. To live a life without Auran\'s jabberings.
the end
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*sheds a tear* (*sob sob*) ya know(*sob*) ive always enjoyed happy endings (*sob*)
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Brilliant. That was brilliant. You pulled off the end superbly:D. Auran the hobbling old man was some character and the yellow cows and TV bit was hilarious:D. Love it. Do another parody. Try the Matrix;). You have a real talent.:tup:
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But why didn\'t you kill me by making me fall offa summing. That\'d be even closer and even more pathetic for me:P.
Sorry for double post:P.
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Originally posted by Auran
But why didn\'t you kill me by making me fall offa summing.
That\'s old... think about how many people died by falling off something and how many died because of a spamzor in their throats...
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hey i died :( and you forgot the long drawn out ending piece where we follow the life of tranor for about 3 years...and how im supposed to leave..or something like that...oh yea you should get a crown or something....naa a dress :D
sorry ending always make me whant more great story drak :)
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nah, I didn\'t forget. Just like I didn\'t forget that n00bs should take over undermind. Just that I didn\'t see any reason why would anyone go back and defend undermind... and where would Gronomist, Lynx, Link, Aendar and you go to... and who would marry Tranor... *shrugs*
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still cant stop laughing... you gota make spam wars to
boredom leads to chat, chat leads to spamming and spamming leads to iritating spelling...
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:D:D Bravo, ?ncore, huzzah, HUZZAHH!!! :D:D
You really kept up the humour all the way through and everyone\'s characters were perfect! Even mine! ;)
Never stop writing, Drak. :) You have a great talent. Maybe in the future you\'ll make another PS Parody? We can only hope!
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Dang, when I heard female enkidukai, and *SCRATCH* I thought immediately of Kyosan.
Guess I was wrong. :)
Sad what happened to many of the people, but yeah, good story. Nicely done, Draklar.
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a great finish! :diamond: :tup:
. and where would Gronomist, Lynx, Link, Aendar and you go to...
Hall of fame maybe? :D
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Awesome! :]
The last part is really my preferred one - maybe because i\'m often in Quakenet
\"It was very silent\" <-- indeed :P
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very nice drak, hope to see other strange and amusing stories in the future :P