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« on: December 20, 2004, 02:42:37 pm »
Thanks to everyone who sent me such important emails in 2004! It\'s so
great that you included me in your quest to inform!
Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out
from you that it\'s good for removing toilet stains.
I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with
a disease.
I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because you said
it causes cancer.
I don\'t leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to
walk about seven blocks, because you said that someone might drug me
with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.
I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask me
to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with calls to
Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover.
I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are
nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are
bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I will get
sick from the rat faeces and urine.
When I go to parties, I now don\'t mix with anybody - you said that someone
will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice
However, the police are also after me at present because you said not to
pull over as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me.
I went bankrupt from bounced cheques that I wrote, in anticipation of the
?15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I
participated in their special e-mail program.
It\'s weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither
did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.
But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot
to follow and I got a curse.
OOPS I ALMOST FORGOT, IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you don\'t send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten
seconds, a bird will crap on you tonight at 7:00 PM.
Here\'s to a better informed 2005.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
I apologise for the content but it kinda summarises the previous years angst and fearfulness I think!