My name is Caelfyrddachinn, and I love to eat.

And now I have met my downfall.  I can't fit up the stairs of the tavern!  I look trim, but don't be deceived.  My backside is apparently the size of a trepor.  Please believe me, I had no idea the brigand's pies were so fattening.  It's criminal!

I can't get behind the crates in the dungeon, to enter (back way), or to leave.  Just getting in the back doorway to the dungeon requires a great deal of effort to push through..plus a little bit of grease.  I'm ashamed to say that all doorways are a challenge for me now.

Oddly enough, I can stand in mid-air, as though I weigh nothing.  It's as though I'm surrounded by a foot-thick membrane in all dimensions.

I've tried low-carb, eating only meat, carp fish, and a few carrots, no bread at all.  But it honestly doesn't help!  My problem started with the update in January.  Did it need to be so high in fats?

Even places through which the mightiest kran can stride with ease pose some difficulty.

And it's not just me.  My friend Silverstix is in the same boat.  How many more suffer?

I appeal to you!  Please render (er, no pun intended) ASSistance!
And all you lemur ladies out there, SPEAK UP AND DEMAND A LIGHTER YOU!

I am a female lemur, and like others of my kind, I love pie.

Thank you for listening.

*sits down*