I have no strong opinion about the contents of this decision, I welcome everything that enhances RP on the server.

But I'm not happy though with how the decision was executed. I miss the 'sorry-that-this-didn't-work-but-thank-you-for-trying' aspect. All efforts of RPers should be cherished, we don't have too many of them.

Yen, of course, had her own IC approach...



RP hyperbole, I appreciate equally well all efforts of the GM team

From the secret diaries of Yenida Suikipen, Tome XI, 3^d of Dwanden

It has been a long time since I felt this bad. So sad about my row with 'Lena. Our first one. It hurts so much. She has found out about our dark secret; we kept it hidden for so many years. Now everything will be exposed. And Dannae who has stopped wearing her rings complicates matters even more.

I feel so desperate. My Goddess, how I love this girl. Not as a lover, yet more than a friend. I don't know, like a kindred spirit I feel incomplete without. I still struggle with the Common Speech, but there doesn't seem to be an equivalent of what Xana called 'mellon melamin'. This row therefore is even worse. As if I fought with a part of myself, my own flesh and blood.

But how cruel she was, how cold. Her words are still ringing in my ears: "She wants to be? You think that makes it OK? I wanted to be it too, I begged for it..." It obviously tells something about E's situation, but what it discloses about 'Lena is even more disturbing. She looked so strange. Her expression of sadness and pain somehow combined with an icy neutrality. Her voice was so detached from its normal warmth. Somewhere between that of Allena's and Weeds's. It makes me wonder which is the real one... That thought haunts me.

And of course it is all my fault. When I met her for the first time since my depression, I should have paid more attention to her grimaces and winces; she was masking her pain, hiding the stain on her chest... and sure she said she was all right, she always does. If I had, I wouldn't have left her with E, and nothing would have happened.

[ With many thanks to Allena, for proofreading the draft, and cutting my overly long sentences in shorter pieces, and striking many obviously superfluous and redundant words. All errors are mine. ]

Yen is gone... The player.. not yet, maybe... Let me explain...

I have been extremely lucky with my first character, Yenida. I made a few fortunate choices, inspired by Rigwyn's post on this forum about how to build a character.. Yen met the right characters, and almost perfect circumstances. And there was almost always something to do.

But for all the good advise Rigwyn's post gave me, I ignored one thing: don't play yourself. I did.

It has been a hell of a ride, really...  No regrets, would do everything the same. I have played Yen very close to my skin. Laughed with her, hated with her. I know it's not how one is supposed to role play. But, well, I like it that way... Like some do love a tearjerker, or a truly immersive book.  One knows it isn't for real, but one goes along with it, for as long as it lasts, and as long as it hasn't any consequences in real life. And I love that intensity. It's that what got me hooked pretty quickly.

Just to be clear... Yen is about half of me.. the rest is made up... Should prevent you from jumping to conclusions.

But Yen gone, or the player gone.. it doesn't make a lot of difference to me... I have played her with heart and soul. I'm not a great role player. But, I think, whatever I lacked, I made up for it with my passion and dedication. I may delude myself, but at least I like to think that way.

Yen, as I played her, was determined/motivated/shaped by long term relationships. So many ties have been cut the last months.., either for RL reasons (which I understand and respect), or because of other players leaving. I can't continue to play Yen in that context... I would come to hate her, as she would become a pathetic character, desperate for a conversation, desperate for some action. That's not Yen at all.

Above all, I think I wanted to tell you a tale of passion, a passion that has come to an end. It has been cut short by the dwindling RPing community.

Maybe I'll hang around for a while, try some other char... but it will never be with the same abandon that I'll play that one.

---

PS: There is another thread about the therapeutic value of role play... For the record, I have learned quite a few things about myself by observing Yen. I will not elaborate, it was not that flattering.

With Tial. And although it ended in a big disappointment for Yen, I enjoyed the play very much. Thanks.