Author Topic: Ebil Rising  (Read 1079 times)

Deckchair

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Ebil Rising
« on: July 24, 2007, 01:14:24 pm »
Chapter I

" Help me! Please! help..... ...No! dont stay Elaren! we can escape no...... Help.... beast chasing me... every one dead... beast... going to kill me, hurry!.......ugh..." the elf then fainted. " Hey! hurry up! get him to Vantor, he can fix him up!, don't just stand there! get moving!" Shouted a Luitenant, as the guards hurried to get the elf onto a strecher, and off to Vantor the healer. Three days later the elf awoke, and noticed someone leaning over him, checking something.

"Who are you?, Where am I? How did i" " You ask many questions, lucky one. Firstly, i am Vantor, the healer main healer of this city, secondly, you are within the walls of the city of Harandra'al.And lastly, you got here when you came staggering along to the gates, and then fainted, i suspect from exhaustion and shock."  " Elaren! no!.. Vantor, can you take me to the chief of Hanrandra'al? and can you also help me get the head of the army here?. I must tell them what has happened to my friends!"

" It was four days ago, and my score of soldier were checking out an underground cavern we had heard frightening tales of, and decided to check it out to try and end it. We walked in a long winding passage for  around fifteen minutes, when we found a wide cavern, and heard a deafening roar from around a bend from the other side of the cavern, then a beast with it's head almost touching the roof standign straight up, Roared agian, so loud the very ground shook.

It had claws bigger than most of our swords! and it's  mouth had at least five rows of razor edged teeth over six inches long! seven of the soldiers rushed it and attempted to stab and slice it to bits, or at least subdue it so we could finish it off. They stood no chance, once one of the soldier's blade nicked it's skin, drawing blood. The Beast roared louder yet, and took massive swipes at the seven elves, and ripped them too shreds, their bodies ripped up and blood, guts and bones everywhere, splattered on the beast, and all of us too.

Some of the bodies were stuck to it's claws so it swung it up and smashed the bodies agianst the roof, crushing them into bits! We then realised that we stood no chance agianst it, and began to retreat, still facing it, in a tight formation. Then as we were nearing the end of the cavern, it rushed forwards and wiped out the first six people, and then came back for more.

 When it started it's second attack, most of us broke rank and ran, and that beast chased us right throught the winding tunnel, picking us off one by one. As we reached the end, only me and three of my companions were left. My Friend, Elaren, told us to run and as she said that the beast took out the last two remaining soldiers. Acting on my instinct, I grabbed Elaren's hand and ran into the woods, not stopping to look back, to make sure it was not following us.

Soon after, i did not need to turn around to see it, as i could hear it roaring behind us, and as it got closer it ripped up trees and threw them at us, only missing us by metres every time. As we ran further and further, we began to tire, and as the beast threw another tree, it fell short, but knocked Elaren of her feet, as i ran to help her, the beast appeared out of no where, and to my shame, i ran for my life, wishing it had been me instead of Elaren, i do not know if the beast had seen her, but i heard it then running after me, and for the first time I looked back, and saw the most frightening sight in my life, and as I turned back around I tripped and fell, down a short cliff, injuring myself, ignoring the wounds,i got up and i ran on and eventually got lost. After what seemed hours, I began to think I could hear the beast chasing me and ran again, still shouting and weeping about Elaren, and Eventualy i must have got too Harandra'al, becuase i dont rember much after i got lost, until i woke up in a bed with Vantor checking my injuries.

I still fear for Elaren, and hope she was not noticed by that beast. I will find out if she is still alive! and that is why I caslled for you, Cheif of Harandra'al and you, Commander."Something evil is behind this beast, i am sure, and i am asking for your help, to find out who it is, and of Elaren is still alive!" the elf stated. "Can i ask you of your name, elf?" Vantor asked " Yes, my name is Al'yran".


« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 09:04:02 am by Deckchair »
Yarrwin: "Look! A distraction!"
Hucirel: "Were? Were is it?"

shorty13

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Re: Ebil Rising
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2007, 05:31:37 pm »
sounds like you used an online translator in parts to get it into english.   It's a bit choppy in parts, and hard to follow.
Apart from that it is pretty good.
There are two types of people in this world: The Pinky and the Brain.
Which one are you?

Deckchair

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Re: Ebil Rising
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2007, 08:31:47 am »
i have edited it alot, and cut out the first bit,i thought it wasnt a good start,comments and ways to fix it up are welcome. :)
and thanks for the comment shorty.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 08:58:44 am by Deckchair »
Yarrwin: "Look! A distraction!"
Hucirel: "Were? Were is it?"