Doesn't help anyone envision it better if most people don't stick it out to read the whole thing.
While it's important for a person to know a whole lot about their own character down to the smallest detail, I'd suggest trimming that bad boy down a bit if only for the reason that in the middle of an RP, it's tough for another player to take a long break to read the whole thing. There were a lot of good, creative, sentences in that description and I bet if you kept the absolute best and most important parts, it could easily be halved in length and end up just as effective.

Edit: And since you were gutsy enough to share one of your descriptions, guess the least I could do is be gutsy enough to do the same.
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Finely carved into his cheek is a symbol designating him as a “sword for hire.”
[Status: Retired Bounty Hunter]
Tall, with an athletic build, he carries himself with a self-confidence that borders on arrogance. Like all other Diaboli, his skin is glossy black. Contrasting starkly with his dark complexion, are his pure blue eyes. On his left ring finger is a platinum wedding band and around his wrist her wears a holy medallion of Laanx…
Looking up, he notices you evaluating him. Throwing you a cocksure grin, he readies a witty (or sarcastic) comment… just in case.
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I doubt I put nearly as much thought into my little description as you did but there it is for better or more likely worse.
