My story

[Trianas]

After he was born Traianas was chucked down a well to die his parents were poor and could not support them all, so they decided to kill him, but he survived the night some how and was pulled up by a kran looking for water in the morning. this kran taught him to fighrt and trained him in the arcane ways. slowly he got stronger, it may have been that same will that alowed him to survive, he grew up and was a stropng Diaboli, which may have intimidated many people but he created his own guild The Sect which is now growingquite rapidly

[Kundun]

I liked what I read, it just wasnt worded very well. Perhaps you should use more punctuation than what you did, use larger words, and try to seperate your ideas into different paragraphs. All constructive and friendly, if I offended you, sorry.

[Trianas]

meh better then what i expected from most of the people here

[Moogie]

Well, I suppose that\'s because most people here reading the title \"My Story\" would expect a story, rather than a sentence or two.

Seriously though, I also don\'t wish to offend. I\'m interested in reading a longer, more detailed version, as this tale sounds promising. I can see many opportunities here for interesting adventures about how your character grew stronger, his relationship with his rescuer, the lessons he learnt whilst training... perhaps you could write a story focused on one particular adventure which was a character-building event (i.e. one thing that happened in your character\'s life that really taught him something important and meaningful).

Hope this helps, keep practicing.

[snow_RAveN]

ya know i notice a theres trend in phansty stories ...

the plot goes like this
[rant mode ]
*old dude*
the Stars/Chicken bones/spirts/God has told me their will be ...........
(few years later)
! Arh BURNING Bagales its a(n) unholy/saviour child ! Chuck him/her/it the window or we will get killed.....

A) out the window B) down the well C)leave it in the forest D)give him to a kung pow master E)hide it in a bunker

after that a village burns down some people spill blood.

*18- 25 years later *
Guess whos back ?

with A) Kung pow action b)magic or enchanted weapons c) magical enchanted Kung pow action

and A) a group of reluctant sub-heros B)an army c) a wizzard d) kids for comic relife e)A Girl friend  


[/RANT MODE]

Sorry just had to get that off my chest.


the mogsters right trianas you got to eleborate more on what that kran taught you( but krans are dumb arnt they ?), his name and maby throw in some friends+ avdenture

after that you could tell us on how the guild was started for instance EG *\"holy cow our village is under attack wont somebody save us ? save us ARRRRRrrr..... \" Enter trianas with kung pow action\"*

tell us more on how your charater thinks by writeing about how he does things like \"he calls his sword pheora\" which would allow the readers to infer that your charater is crazy or has lost love and thus named his weapon after his GF to remember what happened that day so he would carry on his mission of vengence.

-my 2 ... no 4 cents worth-

[snow_RAveN]

[edit] damm dbl posted