Sep isn\'t a computer n00b, but he won\'t understand unless he gets walked through it step-by-step.

Sep- You\'re still my bestest friend evar so I\'ve taken the time to find you a program and figure out how to work it so I can show you.

First of all, download this:
http://www.blazemp.com/movie_editor_software.htmAnd if you don\'t have this codec (xvid), get it too:
http://download.divxmovies.com/XviD-1.0.3-20122004.exeYou want to do what steuben says; lower resolution, and bitrate.
So, first of all, open up your movie file in this program. You can preview it with the buttons at the bottom of the window, if you want. Ok, go to the Video menu and select Full Processing Mode. And, go to the Audio menu and select the same thing.
In the Audio menu, choose the Compression option. Select \"MPEG Layer 3\" from the list to the left, and on the right, choose the item that says \"16kBits/s, 11,025 Hz, Mono\". Click OK.
In the Video menu, choose the Compression option. Scroll down the list to the left and find the Xvid codec. Select it and then click Configure.
Ensure that the Encoding Type says \"Single Pass\". Drag the slider to the middle or right, depending on how low quality you want to make the file. Now click OK, and then OK the last window. You should be back at the main window thingy now.
Go to Video menu and choose Filters. Click Add, and scroll down to find the Resize option and double click it. There should be a new little window asking you for new Width and new Height. Choose something small, but a power of 2... meaning, choose from 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512, etc. Try to keep the ratio the same as the original video or you\'ll resize it weirdly. But I guess that\'s not so important so don\'t worry about it. Click OK, and then click OK again.
Now you should be ready. Go to File and select Save as AVI. Choose a name to save your new file as, and then wait for the process to finish.
I hope this works. If not, sorry... but I tried my hardest.

You should thank Orogor and GeorgeD who helped me find all this out.