Author Topic: Er... looking for some advice on History  (Read 826 times)

noXide

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Er... looking for some advice on History
« on: August 30, 2005, 03:50:44 pm »
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« Last Edit: September 05, 2006, 07:28:14 am by noXide »

Pestilence

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« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2005, 05:21:48 pm »
hmm well it has potential but seeing the story says the other gods send other races through I think it would be more fitting to say the people of your former world saw it as an oppertunity to send warriors away so they can grow in strength and one day return.

Your guilds quest would ofcourse then be to gain as much stength as possible as decendants of these chosen few and find a way back to free your people.

Seytra

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« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2005, 02:13:27 am »
First things first: I am surprised to see you actually RP, since my impression of your way of playing PS isn\'t a particularly good one, since it looks very much like mere PLing. You now fit it into some RP which I acknowledge.
As for your history, I am very wary of the \"I come from another world\" thing. It is used very often and more often than not used solely to evade sticking to the PS setting (i.e., to bring in completely unrelated things through the back door). Granted, it says there are portals in Yliakum. But from the way I interprete the history, noone arrived through them since the initial influx, which ended several hundred years before now. Therefore, if at all possible, you should avoid this.

Valbrandr

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« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2005, 02:28:42 am »
It is a good story.. but many around here dont really care for exactly what Seytra is talking about.  If you like it that much then keep it.  You can talk about how your ancestors arrived here, or you can tell a story of why you story about why your guild was created.. more like a day in the life of kinda thing.  But it does seem like you can write good enough to come up with a pretty good story.  Good luck with it.

noXide

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« Reply #4 on: September 02, 2005, 02:50:55 am »
Wow thanks guys, i\'ll have another bash an see if I cant change a few details.

Poopskin25

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« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2005, 01:48:02 am »
You need to add some more details to the story, for example, how did the evil guys take over? What was Xenkarda like? Also, you need to do a bit of a grammar check, Otherwise it is a wonderful story and very imaginative. I agree with Pestilence when he says that it has potential.
Duct tape is like the force, it has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.
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SuburbanPlankton

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« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2005, 03:44:42 am »
It seems to have promise, but I am a bit confused.

You say \"a decision was made for three of the worlds mages and fighters new borns to be selected to form The Chosen Few\".  This would seem to imply that the membership of the guild was predetermined, making it impossible for anyone else to join.  Unless your premise is that the \"Chosen Ones\" have no memory of being Chosen, but that they will naturally be drawn together into the guild.  This seems plausible to me, but would require any player wishing to join your guild to buy in to the premise, and alter their own character\'s history.  I have no idea how many people would be willing to do that.


On a different note, I did find the story a bit difficult to read, as it was rather full of grammar and spelling errors.  I\'m not trying to play \"Grammar Cop\", but please give it another going-over and try ti clean it up; that will certainly help you to interest others in joining your guild.