Author Topic: the hunt for death.  (Read 920 times)

steuben

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the hunt for death.
« on: January 14, 2006, 05:19:43 pm »
[author\'s note: haven\'t seen one of these around. so i figure i\'ll add one of these into the mix.]

it was another murder, actually it was three. in a city as big as ours there are always murders. a spouse caught in an affair with their lover. a falling out of business partners. fairly mundane murders. i am a city guard, and it is my job to investigate them.

i walk up to the warehouse. the guards yliak watching over the others notices me and walks up to me.

\"good afternoon, lieutenant,\" he says.

i nod. \"what\'s the story?\"

\"three yliaki, all killed rather violently. they seem to match the descriptions of three known criminals. but, it\'ll have to wait until we get them back to the station house to be sure. though it does look like they were involved in that big heist a few days back.\"

\"found some of the items from it?\"

he shook his head.

\"looks like we found all of it.\"

\"hmm. convenient. who found the bodies?\"

he gestures to the pair of guards by the door, a rookie team. \"i told them to wait to head back until you\'ve had a chance to talk to them.\"

i walk over to them. as i approach i can see that the younger of the two guards i pale. there is the evidence of him having vomited. the elder guard looks grim.

\"so you two found the bodies?\"

\"that\'s right lieutenant,\" the elder says. \"saw the door was ajar. figured we\'d take a look. then we\'s smelled \'em. looks like they\'d been there a couple of days.\"

\"you don\'t normally patrol this area.\"

i didn\'t know their patrol route. but, this warehouse area was not given to rookie teams to patrol. the guard shuffled a bit.

\"no. we don\'t. well, we had a few minutes left i the shift. so i figured to introduce the lad to widow casian.\"

i focus on him a moment.

\"honest. just introduce. dee would rip me a new one, if i did more then that.\"

i nod and look over at the rookie.

\"first one?\"

he nods weakly.

\"i\'ve seen my share,\" the elder guard says as he runs his hand through his hair under his helmet. \"but these shook me.\"

\"well constable. i guess you\'ll have to meet miss casian another day.\"

he nods weakly again.

\"okay. you two get back to the station and file your report.\"

they start to head off.

\"corporal. before you head too far.\" i gesture the elder guard back. he jogs up.

\"keep an eye on him.\" he nods. \"you know how hard the first one can be.\"

\"yeah. like i said these shook me up just as bad, i think. these three. they seem different.\"

i nod. he jogs back to his partner. together they head back to the guardhouse. the elder guard is a street guard. he is still a street guard because he listens to his instincts. i walk through the doors of the warehouse.

the yliak in charge walks over. \"i\'ve got yliaki looking for anybody who might have seen something.\"

i nod as i take in the scene. the three bodies are laying there. sheets are draped over the three corpses. they are around a simple wooden table. around the table are four chairs. two look like that had been pushed back quickly. two are placed face to face. one of the dead is still seated in the one of the facing chairs. the other two lay on the floor on the opposite side of the table. against the far wall, but near the table lay nearly a half dozen sacks. together they look about right for the museum heist five days ago.

\"it looks like it was a falling out among cohorts. they killed each other over the division of the loot.\"

i take a look under each of the sheets. i recognize the three of them. they had reportedly been working together for the past few years. i look over at the sacks against the wall. the amount that the sacks represented was huge. it would have put a strain on all but the best relationships.

\"it may be that,\" i say. \"but, who was the fourth?\"

\"fourth?\"

i gesture towards the two chairs still upright. \"he pulled up the chair after everything. like he wanted to talk to him before he died, or after.\"

i look towards the guard.

\"when these three get to alcor, see if he can\'t put a rush on them. and get these sacks catalogued too.\"

i look around the warehouse again.

\"whoever did this is still out there and i want him off the streets.\"
may laanx frighten the shadow from my path.
hardly because the shadow built the lexx.
the shadow will frighten laanx from my path.

Shadowcast

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« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2006, 07:14:07 pm »
Nice so far. :) Id did get a little hard to understand at some point (mainly when you accidently used a period instead of a comma). But its still good cant wait to see who did it. :)

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lanser

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« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2006, 07:33:41 pm »
A nice piece of writing, my only critism is try to remember the medieval setting as it does read a bit like a contemporary crime drama perhaps I could suggest watching a few episodes of Cadfael a medieval detective series by the BBC.

But regardless of that keep up the good work and I look forward to the next episode. :)
Hokinon Korere
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Father Sengus

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« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2006, 09:02:44 pm »
Hey Steuben :D

This is the 2nd text of yours that I read, and I like it. Just like Lanser, I got the impression that it was like a contemporary crime drama but, if you ask me, it was also part of the charm.

So if you start capitalizing, I\'ll be really glad to read the next part...
« Last Edit: January 15, 2006, 09:03:42 pm by Father Sengus »