Let the Healing Begin ( Part 3 ) | Evirea pulled the chair out from the desk and sat on it. She began to clean her gloves, meticulously, using the same bottle of alcohol she used to clean the Diaboli's wounds. She started on her scaled hands, cleansing deeply, as deep as she could. Taking out a tria, she winked.
"Heads or tails?"
Rigwyn ignored Evirea at first, then said in a calm, detached tone, "As a kid, I remember hearing my father disciplining my mother. He did it daily, several times a day in order to keep her on the straight and narrow, so he said. Laanx was a demanding god who expected perfection and nothing short of it. My father, being a Laanx priest had no tolerance for nonsense." After a pause, the looked at Evirea and said,
"Heads" |
Evirea tossed the coin idly, but reclined, waiting simply to hear Rigwyn continue the story.
"As she progressed in the faith and detached herself from Xiosa, His punishment became more intense. He would leave her bleeding and unable to get up off the floor when she failed to keep me in line. He gave her medicines to strenghten her, but they never worked. She was weak and sickly because of her lack of faith in Laanx, she was an utter failure as a mother. Her horrible parenting skills would lead to my demise. He told her that constantly, and he was right."
Evirea continued to listen. Softly, she interjected, "But he was wrong, Rigwyn."
"No, clearly he was right."
Evirea smiled gently, staring at something unseen, or perhaps just thinking about something in the past. "Tell me something, Rigwyn. Your desire to kill, now, your apathy, is that your fault? Is it your fault that you hurt people? Why do you no longer feel anything anymore?"
Rigwyn looked at Evirea as if puzzled, then says quickly, "I don't know why I don't care about people. I just don't. If I need to kill someone, I'll just do it - its not a big deal. Its nothing personal."
Evirea shook her head. "No," she replied. "That isn't why, Rigwyn. You do it because they beat you down. Time and again, they beat you down, over and over. Eventually you shut yourself down when that happens. You stop feeling anything anymore. That's what happened to your mother. She died, inside, day by day, blow by blow. And there was nothing left in her anymore. So when she killed you..." She looked him in the eyes, "Well I'm sure she thought it was nothing personal, too."
"She said she was going to scrub the evil off of me. I... " After a pause he looked back at Evirea as if thinking about something, then continued, "It was nothing personal to her either.. she needed to make her life better. That rotten bitch... if I ever get my hands on her, I'll tear her to pieces!"
Evirea remained calm, sitting where she was. "She hurt you," she said, turning her face away from Rigwyn with a pained expression. "Pain...is not something easy to forget. Your father hurt her, and she, in turn, hurt you. You were there. You were her medium of escape. She was wrong, too, but she was both victim and criminal. Just as you are, Rigwyn."
Rigwyn closed his eyes as her words struck a sore spot. For a moment, the image of his bloody, battered mother returned - the helpless look in her eyes followed by a pained, teary scream for mercy as her back was lashed repeatedly with a long, thick cane. A moment of silence passed, then he mumbled.. "I couldn't help her... I ... hid."
Evirea smiled gently, a tear sliding down her scaly blue cheek. "I know," she whispered, as though the words are difficult to get past her throat. "I know how that feels, Rigwyn. I know what it's like to be helpless, to stand there, wishing you could have done something. Knowing that you never could. And blaming yourself...calling yourself the coward, feeling that you are the failure. I know."
"Then she got me back.. she said she would scrub the evil off of me - every last bit of it." Looking back at Evirea, then at the tear on her cheek, he closed his eyes once more - this time welling up with emotion. "How would YOU know?"
Evirea sat for a long time, as though building up the courage, even the willpower, to speak. When she did, her voice was hushed, the force it took to put the words in the air made her shoulders sag physically. "I was enrolled at an acedemy," she said. "I was the brightest and the best, they said. So they tasked me with finding a killer...The Butcher, they called him. He killed his victimes by cutting off all their limbs and cauterizing them with..." She clenched her eyes shut. "I was assigned the task of hunting him down."
Rigwyn's eyes rolled up and down as he looked at Evirea.. "I'm listening.."
Evirea rubbed her hands together. "I wasn't like you, no. My childhood was beautiful. I loved my parents...I was their only child. They told my mother she couldn't have children, you know?" She smiles. "She used to call me her little blessing." The klyros shook her head, and her tone dipped low again. "The killer found out that I was hunting him."
"So you were stalked, threatened, perhaps roughed up as a warning?"
Evirea smiled and gave a dry, cold laugh. There was suddenly a great coldness in her, a bitterness, it seemed from her mouth like venom. "I would have preferred he come for me," she said, "But he went after them. I walked home one day. The door was ajar. And they were inside. Their limbs scattered every which way. I stood in a puddle of their blood, and I looked at their wide, blank stairs....he'd stuck hooks through their head fins... and hung their heads from the ceiling. On the wall, he wrote in that red ink....'Regards, the Butcher.'"
Rigwyn silently watched Evirea as her expression changed, then nodded, "Go on."
Evirea rubbed her hands together. "I hunted him down," she said, "And I killed him. Slowly. And I've been hunting ever since. I'm a doctor, but I'm a hunter as well. I kill men like him. Those that take life...take it forever, without reason. Not send them to the Death Realm with petty squabbles...no. The true killers. Reapers of souls. But it's the passion for the hunt that drives me. Whoever I help, well..." She laughed wryly. "That's just an advantage."
"How close are you to catching this .. butcher?
Evirea shrugged softly. "Close enough," she admitted. "Because he's coming for me, and I'm going to be the bait that leads them to him." She looked towards Rigwyn with a sad smile. "You were my last patient, I think."
Rigwyn watched Evirea as her words trailed off, then asked, "You would give your own life to put this guy our of his misery? Is that what you're saying?"
Evirea chuckled softly. "In a way," she replied. "I suppose you could say...I'd rather not have a tarnished reputation, and I'd rather not see more bodies tied..." She trailed off, and clenched her eyes shut. "I...don't want any more bodies. I fear he's already taken someone...helpless. And that...bothers me."
"Helpless... better dead than helpless."
Evirea laughed quietly. "I'm not so sure," she replied. "Besides...he kills the able bodied too." She got up and approached Rigwyn, a knife in her hands. "So is this the end? Are you going to put an end to me?"
Rigwyn glanced at her knife, then back at her.
Evirea_ rolled her eyes at Rigwyn. "Oh, yes. I saved your ass so I could kill it," she said. She stooped by his feet and began to sever the ropes that bound him to the bed.
Rigwyn watched as the blood stained ropes fell to the floor, then looked at her as if puzzled. "Why are you setting me free? Don't you know that I can't be trusted?"
Evirea moved up towards Rigwyn's wrists. She loosened those bindings as well, examining the burns left on the Diaboli's wrists. Then, offering the man the knife, she says simply. "Going to kill me? Go ahead."
Rigwyn took the knife and raised it over his head as he stared into her eyes coldly. The smooth, warm leather handle brought a smile to his face as the thought of slicing her from the tip of her chin to her pelvis invaded his mind. His jaw tightened as he squeezed the handle as tight as he could.
Evirea merely watched Rigwyn, unmoving, waiting. She breathed slowly, calmly, as though in some sort of meditation, and watched him. There was a strangeness in her own expression, waiting to see what the Diaboli would decide to do. "It's your choice," she said.
Rigwyn's heart pounded. The sheer excitement of slashing her began to flood his mind. It tasted like chaos, and smelled like exhilaration, but then an image popped into his head. Her eyes, for just a moment, looked like his mother's. The word "Victim" came to mind, and then the memory of his father beating Zalloh mercilessly. Feeling a sense of disgust towards his father he pauses, then looked at Evirea again. Slowly, he lowered the knife.
Evirea remained seated on the bed for a long moment, eyes locked on Rigwyn's face. "Ah," she said, and her hand moved forward in an attempt to lightly grasp the hand that held the blade. "So you see, Rigwyn. There is something in you worth a great value, all you need is to see it."
It IS my choice... isn't it....?
Evirea nodded once. "It is," she replied. "To kill, or to let live." She stood up, to her feet, her eyes still locked on the Diaboli's face.
"I never wanted to be like that bastard..I even followed the teaching of Dakkru just to oppose him." Rigwyn looked at Evirea, then shook his head in disgust as memories of his father returned to his head.
Evirea nodded slowly, understanding the words that Rigwyn said, hearing them, perhaps even empathizing. "It's hard," she said. "You don't see yourself that way, you don't realize what you're doing. When I took out the killer...I..." Her brow furrowed. "It was like part of me shut down. All I could think was vengeance. And...it corrupted, I think. In the end. Getting even."
"Yes, It changes you. Once you start to do things differently, you mug someone, break someone's knees, take a life.. it gets easier. You realize that the rules that held you back were just someone else's rules. You see that you can break them at will - they you are not really bound by them. You thought about vengeance because that's what you wanted deep down inside. You chose not to lie to yourself about wanting revenge, but to be honest and admit it, own it, and seek it. The guilt you feel will dissolve as soon as you go through with it and kill this guy. Guilt is just an illusion."
Evirea breathed shallowly as she listened to Rigwyn's words. "Perhaps in some cases," she whispered. "But mine is a burden I must bear."
"Your morals are what society uses to control your mind. Take that control back, its your own mind. Its for you to control."
Evirea closed her eyes. "Without such scruples, there is chaos...the chaos that kills parents, that leads to the abuse of your mother. And her abuse of you. It was the absence of guilt that caused so much pain. Because there was no reason for them to stop."
"Scruples cause chaos."
"Then I suppose we are locked in infinite chaos."
"Kill this man who causes you pain, and the pain will stop. That's the answer. Plain and simple."
Evirea sighed quietly. "You don't understand Rigwyn. I can't kill him. I'm not powerful enough. I'm vulnerable to him. I'm the lamb, I'm going to be slaughtered, but the evidence I leave...while he is distracted, he can be destroyed."
Rigwyn took a piece of parchment from the table and a pen, then wrote something on it. He looked at her then handed it to her. "If you choose to die, then that's your own fault. The weak will fall. Take this and read it later when you have come to your senses."
Evirea looked up at Rigwyn, her brow furrowed, but she accepted the letter. With a jerk of her chin, she said simply, "Get some ointment for those rope burns."
Rigwyn nodded, then slid off the bed and onto his feet. With each step he winced as the burning pain returned.
Evirea watched the Diaboli go. She looked down and read the note quietly, smiling gently to herself. She pocketed it and closed her eyes. "You may just get the chance," she whispered beneath her breath, and then took her leave.