Yen's goodbye message

[Yenida]

[ICly, as found in game]

To whom it may concern...

I have decided to move on... Most of the ties I had with this city have been severed. Hence I will leave, before I become a pathetic shadow of my former self.

I'm sad, so sad, because of all the friends I leave behind, and I'm sorry to depart overnight.. but I have no choice, it's now or never. I find it hard already to motivate myself to get out of my bed in the morning, and I spend an awful lot of my time in the tavern, drinking too much, desperate for company. If I wait any longer, I'll never get away to try my luck elsewhere.

I'm sad, and sorry, and forlorn.

Goodbye

Yen [yenida.suikipen@gmail.com]

[Volki]

Are you leaving the game completely?

[gonger]

The gates of Hydlaa will be open for you.

Travel safely.

Gonger

[Yenida]

Yen is gone... The player.. not yet, maybe... Let me explain...

I have been extremely lucky with my first character, Yenida. I made a few fortunate choices, inspired by Rigwyn's post on this forum about how to build a character.. Yen met the right characters, and almost perfect circumstances. And there was almost always something to do.

But for all the good advise Rigwyn's post gave me, I ignored one thing: don't play yourself. I did.

It has been a hell of a ride, really...  No regrets, would do everything the same. I have played Yen very close to my skin. Laughed with her, hated with her. I know it's not how one is supposed to role play. But, well, I like it that way... Like some do love a tearjerker, or a truly immersive book.  One knows it isn't for real, but one goes along with it, for as long as it lasts, and as long as it hasn't any consequences in real life. And I love that intensity. It's that what got me hooked pretty quickly.

Just to be clear... Yen is about half of me.. the rest is made up... Should prevent you from jumping to conclusions.

But Yen gone, or the player gone.. it doesn't make a lot of difference to me... I have played her with heart and soul. I'm not a great role player. But, I think, whatever I lacked, I made up for it with my passion and dedication. I may delude myself, but at least I like to think that way.

Yen, as I played her, was determined/motivated/shaped by long term relationships. So many ties have been cut the last months.., either for RL reasons (which I understand and respect), or because of other players leaving. I can't continue to play Yen in that context... I would come to hate her, as she would become a pathetic character, desperate for a conversation, desperate for some action. That's not Yen at all.

Above all, I think I wanted to tell you a tale of passion, a passion that has come to an end. It has been cut short by the dwindling RPing community.

Maybe I'll hang around for a while, try some other char... but it will never be with the same abandon that I'll play that one.

---

PS: There is another thread about the therapeutic value of role play... For the record, I have learned quite a few things about myself by observing Yen. I will not elaborate, it was not that flattering.

[Rigwyn]

Oh Yen, stick around... people come and go, take breaks, reappear, etc...

"I have played Yen very close to my skin. Laughed with her, hated with her. I know it's not how one is supposed to role play. But, well, I like it that way.."

It's funny how over time, you see bits of yourself in your character and bits of your characters in yourself. I think this is mostly unavoidable as is the case with art in general. The fiction you create has to come from somewhere - it does not just appear out of thin air.

When we get into our character's skin, we can experience their life - feel it, live it, and learn from it. We can also play rather distantly as if they were chess pieces and not feel anything at all. I think this emotional distance is really up to each player to determine.

The trick I think, is to maintain healthy boundaries between yourself and your fiction. If the turmoil your characters are in causes real life distress that spills outside of game time and into every day life, then a better boundary might need to be set.  It's fine to cry at a movie, cheer on your favorite hero and so on. The danger in this is when one does things in real life in response to the happenings of their fiction world - or accidentally confuses the two.     Lastly, there's the issue of character protection - where a player is so emotionally attached to their character that they'll do ooc things to protect them like using occ info, or logging out to protect them from harm.