Finally, read through the bloody thing. Now, onto my input.
First of, I am absolutely amazed by how much you remind me of myself when I was younger and (more) naive. A lot of the same crap happened to me that happened to you. I liked a girl, I tried professing my feelings, got kicked in the head while trying to jump ladders. Turns out, she only saw me as a friend, but the guy a year ahead of me who smoke and drank was seen in a different light. Eventually, I started getting the feeling that she felt uncomfortable being around me, so I slowly cut off contact with her as much as I could. I saw this as an attempt to try to make her life better, and hoped some day I could feel nothing for her in order to cause her no more discomfort.
Anyways... yeah, I grew up (somewhat) since then. I realize now it was nothing but a stupid crush, and I bet you will come to that eventually. And about your post saying that we all are biased in thinking that love hardly ever exists in the teen years, I give you this to think on. If someone is saying this, they are probably past their teen years. They have probably gone through this crap already. I've heard of a few examples of people growing up and marrying their high school sweetheart, but this is rare.
Second, you seem way too idealistic. She was an angel? You knew her better than anyone? This all sounds like lined from a fairy tale to me. I used to be a romantic too, but then I realized that there is no place in the world for one. I’m not trying to insult you or make you feel bad. I am trying to help save you from a lot of self inflicted misery that I went through. The world is a dark, shallow place, and maintaining your current outlook on life will ultimately lead to a lot of disappointment.
For the one who said men and women are pretty much the same (can’t remember who said that, or where) you are mostly correct. Males and females are very similar biologically, with small differences in muscle strength along with primary/secondary sex characteristics. The big difference comes from the gender roles established in our various societies. In US society, men are expected to repress emotion, not wince at pain, be confrontationally and emotionally unavailable, and energetically seek out sex. I doubt any would question the final point, in part by the fact that male virginity carries a large negative stigma along with it, while usually female virginity is praised. Females on the other hand, are expected to devote great energy to their physical appearance, be emotionally available, and pretend to be innocent and morally superior. This last part causes females to say that they look primarily for aspects besides appearance, such as humor, intelligence, empathy, etc., when looking for a boyfriend/lover/spouse. This however is false, as females are just as shallow as men. I recall one study in which subjects were put into a speed dating setting, given a minute to meet a person, then pulled aside and interviewed by the psychologists. When asked what the subjects (both males and females) first noticed in their dates, all but a handful said physical appearance. So, where does this leave US society? We are left with a society that expects men to be a#####es, and females to be hypocrites. I know I will likely get a lot of angry posts because of the previous statements, so let me tell you a story to reinforce my statement. When I was in high school, one time this guy I know suggested that I kill myself. His girlfriend was right next to him, and could hear it perfectly, and even scolded him for it. Even so, Such a suggestion, jokingly or not, is a horrible thing to do. Did the girlfriend leave him because of this display of incredible insensitivity? No. They stayed together. People don’t give a d### about kindness or personality. If they did, why would the less attractive nerdier people in high school who are kind, humorous, intelligent, and all that crap be constantly shot down, while the alcoholic, smoker jocks that are cruel and insensitive get all the girls?
Now, NS, (nightstalian) mind if I call you NS? Great. In your posts, you spoke quite loftily about this girl, describing her as angelic even. In my opinion, this might have been part of your downfall. For one, you put her up on a pedestal, placing her high above you. If you told her any of these things, she may have begun to get the feeling that she deserved all those compliments, and therefore agreed that she was better than you. If she thought she was this angelic picture of beauty, and you were so beneath her, why should she go out with you? If she is so wonderful she could hook herself a fish much bigger than you, so why settle for you? In my opinion, you might have made yourself too available. Humans seem to naturally seek out the things that are more difficult to obtain, probably thinking the grass is greener on the other side or some similar mentality.
There is another thing concerning your lofty descriptions. If you said those things to her, without ever dating her or anything, you may have creeped her out a bit. If someone suddenly walked up to you and professed their undying love for you, you would probably be taken back by it. This is just speculation though, so I could be wrong.
I hope that some of this may be able to help you in some way NS. I doubt it will help your current situation, but perhaps future endeavors. Me? I’ve chosen to be single. Dating seems like too much of a headache from what I’ve heard
BTW: I’ve never seen that Ladder Theory before. Thanks for posting it.
