Why dont we seperate IRL and non IRL?

[Valbrandr]

I can only gratulate everyone who is up for the challenge. I for myself can say that I just dont think I am fit for playing a female character, I mean I have absolutely no idea how a real woman feels, what her intentions are etc. and I certainly think that I am not capable of playing a character of different gender.

Dont make me laugh.... Do you really think that women feels and intents other things than men do.. Actually theres almost no difference between the two genders. The only thing that seperates us men from them is (currently :=)) that women are better at languages and remembering, and men are better at Hard mathematics.

I would like to think hormones play a role as well ... and isnt it just as sexist to say men are better at math or women have better memories?  But no I dont play any female characters... it would be weird for me.  And if I was chatting with a female char and we were becoming friends.. I would sure like to know ... Thankfully in the past usually people will tell you before anything awkward happens 

[LigH]

Being conned - that was related to the "Con RP" planned by Lexa/Thyme - she announced that she wanted to play a seemingly helpless woman, who will rob her generous lover later.

I am a rather emotional person, so even though I know it is only a roleplaying event, I as player still would not enjoy my character to be conned. "Radical roleplayers" might be able to tell apart their own emotions from their characters' completely. But not all players are so "elite" to be able to separate them completely. Some players will surely prefer to share emotions between players and characters, if possible - at least I suppose that.

Therefore, even if they are able to play along building a relation to a female character played by a male player, they may never forget the fact who the player behind the character is, and that will bias their character. This might be ridge between an average and a great roleplayer - not to care about the player at all, only concentrate on the characters. Some will pass this ridge. Some may not even want to try that.

This is no criticism. It is just a statement about the experience I got so far.

[Thyme]

Eep!

*feels a little uncomfortable*

Lexa has no intention of duping people into fall in love with her.  She flirts and is very seductive, that is certain... but she does not do the things that I would consider to be fooling people into falling in love with her, or make people believe that they are in a relationship when in fact they are not...  She is very careful to stick to flirting, maybe very heavy flirting, but flirting only nonetheless... and while attraction might occur (which is her intention), attraction doesn't necessarily lead to deeper emotional connections.  Plus, if it becomes obvious to me that another player is feeling too strongly for Lexa, i would stop the RP or con of course... though there is already at least one RP romantic drama planned for the Con... 

hehe, how did I start talking about this here?
Oh right... separating IRL form IC...
So yes... it is often hard to distinguish your emotions for others from IC and what's real... but I'm careful not to play my RPs too intimately and so personal that the other player would get to know the real me if I'm doing an RP...  Lexa isn't personal enough IC, so it's only really through OOC chat with others that I think real emotional connections get built...
Plus, Lexa is SOOOOO over the top, that it's almost obvious that she's not a real person... I mean.. she flatters in excessive amounts and is always complaining about having no money to eat or pay for shelter (which is totally RP... since characters don't really need trias for anything). 
So I think there's a responsibility on the part of the player to take into consideration the feelings that are being played on...  If you're having OOC chat and you're trying to make the other person fall in love with you... then you have a certain amount of responsibility towards that person and their emotions.  If you're only interacting IC... then I don't think you can be held responsible for real life feelings that develop... since the character isn't the REAL you... it's more like falling in love with a character in a book or a movie (which totally happens   )

Having said that, I think it's great when real life emotions develop for other players, and knowing someone's real gender might be an important piece of information if you're going to fall in love with someone (though not necessarily ).  I know that before any of my characters become intimate with another player, I always ask for real life information (like age).  So if you're concerned about falling for a player that's not of a gender irl that you're interested in falling in love with, make that explicit or at least, an issue in your mind when you play PS.  IC it shouldn't really matter... but the second you start having OOC chat, then it's no longer role playing, and no longer about a fictional character, but about real people and real lives.

[Netty]

I agree with Thyme on this one. No one can be held responsible for someone else developing feelings for you, purely based on your IC interactions. Sure, people end up "falling" for another person even just based on IC. But if those feelings are rejected or if it turns out that a female char is a male IRL or vice versa (remember, they never lied about their gender, just never specifically told what it was, the other person simply assumed their gender), that person is not responsible. That is not conning, that is RP'ing. OOC, on the other hand, is a totally different story, hence not role-playing.

If, for example, someone asks me OOC what my gender is, and I say, "it'll have to remain a mystery", and I never lead a person on (in OOC), that is not conning, that is called privacy. If that person still chooses to "fall" for me IRL, that is their responsibility, not mine. I cannot be held accountable for that. Sure, it'd be very flattering and even sweet, but only if that person is not a creep IRL.

On the other hand, if both people have no problem flirting OOC, revealing their gender, falling for each other, and somehow end up translating it into a PS "marriage", then more power to them. I'll even say awwww. =P

[Sarff Rullan]

Wow if people fall in love with fictional characters in the game, these people have some issues.  Personally I think I would like to see the person in real life before I even think about giving my heart away. This is a game, it is hard for me to understand why people would fall in love with characters in the game. That is just distrubing. I am sure there are some exceptions as there always are but come on .... falling in love with text? Yikes!

[Pestilence]

Think that is lack of imagination Sarff, but isn't love always hard to understand if it never happened to you?

I mean even after it's hard to explain as everytime it's different. So don't call something like that disturbing just becuase you don't understand it.

Love is one of the blessings of this world. Who cares how one finds it aslong as it makes those persons happy

[Sarff Rullan]

Think that is lack of imagination Sarff, but isn't love always hard to understand if it never happened to you?

I mean even after it's hard to explain as everytime it's different. So don't call something like that disturbing just becuase you don't understand it.

Love is one of the blessings of this world. Who cares how one finds it aslong as it makes those persons happy

Hmmm. The way you put your words, you come across very rude. First of all who are you to tell me what I can and can not say? I stated my point of view on the matter, if you don't like it that is fine, your prerogative  but there is no need to get arrogant about it. Second of all there is not one place in my post that said I haven't been in love. Assumptions of others are not good if you don't have the facts to back up your mouth. I indeed have been very much in love and this is why I am confused about how people fall in love with text, because that is all it is. The person on the other end could not be who you think it is. I think that in fact is DISTRUBING, especially since this game allows minors. If you are looking for a place to meet people for a romantic relationship then you should be in somewhere else, not in planeshift. I did say in my post .....

I am sure there are some exceptions as there always are ......

I do wonder though. Seems like I hit a cord with you. Are you one of those who have fallen in love with text, and feeling you need to defend yourself?

[Waylander]

Heh, you gotta realize there are people behind the text.  And many of the people in planeshift know what others look like...hence the pic thread.

They don't fall in love with the text, they meet the people through the text, and as for ingame relationships, those are usualy only RP, from what I've seen.

...

And you don't need to be looking for a romantic relationship to find one Sarff...

All in all, be a little more open minded, after being here for a while, you come to know the people behind the text.



....
Keep in mind, I know nothing of love, don't believe in it, don't much care for it either .  Chances are I'm wrong

[Sarff Rullan]

You see that is where I have a problem. Hear me out. You look at the picture and automatically assume that is who this person claims to be (look like)? Don't get me wrong maybe they are the person you see in the digital image but how do you know that for a fact? You hear their voices over messanger or other programs through chat, so it is safe to assume that everything they say is truth or close to it?

In my point of view I do not believe everything I may see and hear online. I think that is being very open minded. I can also appreciate that you have your point of view Waylander, as does this Pestilence guy/girl. That too is very open minded. We all have different perceptions of how we see things. 

Also, this is a roleplaying game is it not? The moment you drop your walls and let someone know the real you by showing them a picture, or telling them your age ... you begin to lose the fantasy of the game. You begin to mix RL with RP. You may not do this on purpose BUT it still happens. So you confuse the two and end up falling in love with some parts of the character and some parts of the RL person. How do you know what is which. Hence my comment on falling in love with text. You never really know, as far as MY point of view is concerned if this person is in love with you .... or you in love with them till you see their face, and read their body language. It is to easy to hide behind your monitor and tell people what they want to hear. I would like to think we are all good people with good intentions, but I don't like to lie to myself. I would like to believe this pretty woman in my group box, telling me that she is so happy she found me. That she cares about me and wants to meet me some day. "We have so much in common!" She will say. Again maybe it can happen, but I wouldn't believe it until I meet her. I wouldn't know how much of my in game character she fell in love with. Maybe she would be disappointed to find out that wasn't the real me who was confident in character but has low self-esteem in RL. Maybe I find out she isn't the sweeti she seems with her words and in fact is a self centered person, who likes to control. Should I be cursing the text I fell in love with then? But again I will say ....

I am sure there are some exceptions as there always are ......

I am not saying that it is not possible to fall in love with someone from planeshift. How real is it, and has it ever happened? I don't know .... do you?

[Ayshe]

How real is it, and has it ever happened? I don't know .... do you?

Very real, and it happens very often.

After a while around the community you start to see and hear the tales. Sometimes, it's a RP thing between two characters that starts to get emotionally involving. I am sure neither part intends it to begin with, but it starts taking on an extra dimension. I've seen guilds nearly tear themselves apart from jealousies generated from fictional RP characters.

More often, it is the situation where two characters meet and their 'spirit guides' (as Keder Maloy would call them) become friends. The friendship leaves the game and they get to know eachother through IM chat and such. You have a strange view of friendship, if you cannot consider the possibility of love springing from such a friendship. The people who talk to eachother are very real, they share their thoughts, joys, fears. Often people online are very lonely, but don't let that invalidate the fact that it is a genuine thing for many people.

I recieved an early lesson on PS attractions when the co-founder of my guild left the game over a misconception. I have never and plan never to have any kind of romantic associations ingame through RP. They didn't get the memo, and embarrased themselves, choosing to abandon the game for good.

However, I have a few very genuine friendships online. Some of these people I have known for as long as three years. While I admit there is much I do not know, and may never know about these people, I am as close to them as any of my RL friends. It's not a lesser friendship, it's a different one.

And I've seen it before - love can spring from the most unlikely places. These are not mere text words, they're the language of real people.

[Pestilence]

Wow if people fall in love with fictional characters in the game, these people have some issues. That is just distrubing.

I come of as very rude? If you consider my post rude Sarff you better have a good look at your own post.

And I only said you shouldn't offend people who this happened to by calling it disturbing and saying those people have issues. Thats simply asking for respect for those people.

For love trust is needed and ofcourse it is therefor harder to develop on the internet becuase of the ways to fool someone, but it does happen. In the end we are all people and many of us spend a lot of time here.

[Sarff Rullan]

Very real, and it happens very often.

I can agree with that, as I said before there are exceptions. Is it always true love everytime and not just lust ..... most of the time I believe it is just lust. Thats just my opinion.  Again, I say I would have to meet her in RL to even begin to truly believe she and I were in love. I am not easily convinced as some might be.

Pestilence I do have respect for people and again your words show me you didn't read a damn thing I said.  I explained my point of view in the last couple of posts. If you couldn't in the posts see that I  meant no disrespect and just made some good points ... backed up my point of view, then I am sorry you did not seem to get where I was coming from. Just do me a favor stop telling me to have respect when you so obviously don't for my point of view.

[Karyuu]

I think you are overreacting, Sarff. Calm down, Pestilence in no way meant any harm nor was his post rude.

People "fall in love with text" quite often, and this isn't exactly a new phenomenon. Before the internet, people did have books, and letters.

The fact is, such things are surprisingly common and often very real. As long as they cause no harm, which is the crux of the issue, I don't think there is anything wrong nor are these people weird nor do they have problems they need to take care of.

As someone stated in this thread, if it brings them happiness, more power to 'em.

[Waylander]

You see that is where I have a problem. Hear me out. You look at the picture and automatically assume that is who this person claims to be (look like)? Don't get me wrong maybe they are the person you see in the digital image but how do you know that for a fact? You hear their voices over messanger or other programs through chat, so it is safe to assume that everything they say is truth or close to it?

Okay, I can completely respect what you are saying here, I also happen to agree with it, as I believe most do.  So no more needs to be said there.

In my point of view I do not believe everything I may see and hear online. I think that is being very open minded. I can also appreciate that you have your point of view Waylander, as does this Pestilence guy/girl. That too is very open minded. We all have different perceptions of how we see things.

I don't think anybody believes everything they see and hear online.  But, by being open minded I was mostly refering to the line that Pestilence had quoted a few posts up.  I can understand how it disturbs you, I respect it completely.  All I was saying was, give us a chance to explain it.  I'm sorry if I sounded offensive.

Also, this is a roleplaying game is it not? The moment you drop your walls and let someone know the real you by showing them a picture, or telling them your age ... you begin to lose the fantasy of the game. You begin to mix RL with RP. 

I never actualy though about it that way, it's an interesting approach and, mainly, a true one.  Come to think of it, the only people I've really actualy gotten to know (them and not their character) are the people I /tell more than I RP with.  It's an interesting point, maybe I'll look into it some more.

You may not do this on purpose BUT it still happens. So you confuse the two and end up falling in love with some parts of the character and some parts of the RL person. How do you know what is which. Hence my comment on falling in love with text. You never really know, as far as MY point of view is concerned if this person is in love with you .... or you in love with them till you see their face, and read their body language. It is to easy to hide behind your monitor and tell people what they want to hear. I would like to think we are all good people with good intentions, but I don't like to lie to myself. I would like to believe this pretty woman in my group box, telling me that she is so happy she found me. That she cares about me and wants to meet me some day. "We have so much in common!" She will say. Again maybe it can happen, but I wouldn't believe it until I meet her. I wouldn't know how much of my in game character she fell in love with. Maybe she would be disappointed to find out that wasn't the real me who was confident in character but has low self-esteem in RL. Maybe I find out she isn't the sweeti she seems with her words and in fact is a self centered person, who likes to control. Should I be cursing the text I fell in love with then? But again I will say ....

I believe I know what you are saying here.  You fall in love not with the person behind the character but with some figment of your imagination that embodies all the best traits of both the character and the player.  I've never really thought about that, and to be honest, never really fallen for anybody enough to know if you are right, but it is an interesting theory.

All in all, I agree with you.  But there are some who have been here for years.  After knowing people that long and sharing such an interest with them, you do begin to move away from the character and more to the player.  With Karyuu for instance, I haven't talked to her Character in ages, but I like to think that I've atleast seen the tip of the iceberg when it come to who she is.

As for the relationships that spring out of nowhere...I have no idea.  They are IG relationships, so it's not much of a commitment.  I mean, marriages last an average of what? three weeks? IG I mean.  I think mainly the whole thing is just to add a bit of fun and depth to their characters.  And, besides that, many of our players are between 14-23, ages that I find are very quick to judge, per se, and are into experimentation.  Being 17 myself I can say that some people I love one week and then, before I know it, they become more of a nuissance.  Many of them are on the prowl for love or any romance at that.

I am sure there are some exceptions as there always are ......

I am not saying that it is not possible to fall in love with someone from planeshift. How real is it, and has it ever happened? I don't know .... do you?

I don't know anybody who has fallen in love from planeshift, I don't think so anyways.  I do think that there was a couple whose love was somewhat damaged from it though...but...that's a whole other story

[Sarff Rullan]

I think you are overreacting, Sarff.

I am sorry you feel that way. I fail to see where I am. I was explaining my point of view.

Calm down, Pestilence in no way meant any harm nor was his post rude.

I am calm and just fine. I don't know that Karyuu, and I have to disagree. If Pestilence wasn't trying to be rude he/she would have said so in their last post if this was a misunderstanding. No one is offended that I see except for Pestilence. My posts to follow explain why I feel the way I do and yet everyone including yourself Karyuu seems to think I need to be told over and over the same facts. Actually the only one who seemed to take the time to read what I said is waylander. Thanks for that by the way. I know there are people behind the text. I know others feel different about the situation than I do.

I am sure there are some exceptions as there always are ......
I am not saying that it is not possible to fall in love with someone from planeshift.

I accept that, but can you accept the way my point of veiw is? I am all for reading what Pestilence has to say, but I am not going to have him/her tell me that I SHOULD do this differently or SAY things differently or not at all. That is not his/her right. He/she can suggest, or discribe being offended. Better yet, Pertlience could have asked me to elaborate or explain in different terms so it wouldn't seem offensive to him/her. He/she wasn't interested in that, and decided to (as I see it) be rude.