Seduction and Daggers

[Garile]

*smiles*

That is something I can work with

Will have a look at it.  The first part or the "flashbacks" are pretty much the part I am least happy with. Wrote that a lot earlier then the rest when I was thinking up what I wanted to do with the character, but the problem is with fleshing it out to much that it might become to long as it's intended as a short introduction to the characters past as it were without  making it pages thick

As for the story as a whole I plan to make additions to it even write stuff before the part I wrote now perhaps so I feel the length of this part is in itself long enough

Over-the-top. hmm well it is a bit to compact perhaps in the first part. Saw you pointing at that part mostly. Thinking of rewriting it even so definately agreeing it could be better.

[Phinehas]

I'd just like to critcise Emerald's criticism by saying that I don't really think that the content of a story should be criticised, unless it's just blatantly bad, so much as the style of writing, etc. Content is up to the people writing the story, and if you don't like the content you should probably be reading a different story. Style of writing and those sorts of things can be improved, though. All I'm saying is that yeah, I would have written the stories differently, but that's because it's me writing. I've lost my point somewhere in all this. Serves me right for posting when I'm sick. Stop reading now.

[Garile]

Standing at the merchant she is pretending to look at the wares while keeping an eye on the opening of the alley. Moving to the next merchant she quickly looks at the beggar making sure it was one she knows.

It is not busy, but still Garile is somewhat tense. It is the first mission she has gotten from Nurahk that had a clear importance. The mission itself was simple enough. Making sure noone is eavesdropping on the meeting in the alley and that there would be no ambush. The person that was having the meeting there however wasn't just one of the other shadows.

Smiling Garile walks towards the corner pretending to eat the sweets she had just bought. Twirling her tail she looks around again. A perfectly innocent girl enjoying the beautiful day. Suddenly Gariles eyes narrow somewhat as she sees someone acting suspiciously. Looking him over she recognizes him as newsseller who was trying to aquire some news to sell. As he slowly walks towards the alley Garile lets herself move closer along the merchants working her way towards him. Not noticing her periodic gaze upon him the newsseller smiles thinking noone is stopping him and turns to enter the alley.

Caressing her dress Garile moves in right behind him. Feeling someone behind him the newsseller quickly turns only to find Gariles dagger on his throat. Swallowing uncomfortably he looks down and then at Garile who is still smiling cutely. "I think you made a wrong turn there" Garile tells him as if discussing the weather. Slowly she turns them around and then pushes him backwards towards the entrance of the alley again. As Garile takes a step back and removes the dagger again the newsseller looks relieved then mad and spits at her feet. Seeing the dangerous glint in her eyes he quickly turns around and walks away.

"Any trouble" A voice asks from behind her. "Not really" Garile smiles as she turns to see Sangwa looking amused. "Is your business complete?" Sangwa nods and adds "I could use a drink". A little relieved nothing strange happened and that the mission was over succesfully Garile smiles and winks at Sangwa "It is a bit early but perhaps we could visit the tavern."

[Garile]

Sangwa nods "Lets head for the tavern, ok?". Offering Garile his arm he leads Garile to the tavern. The two of them looking like a normal couple enjoying the sunny day and eachothers company by taking a walk around town. Smiling to Sangwa Garile asks "What brings you to Hydlaa my lord?". "Currently? I am not too fond of Oja's weather, or architecture." Sangwa replies. "Hydlaa suits your tastes better?" Garile inquires further. Sangwa smiles "I have grown used to alleys, plazas, and the likes."

Reaching the tavern they enter and as expected it isn't very busy yet. Fortunately there is a bartender however and as Sangwa and Garile walk to the bar Sangwa asks Garile what she would like to drink. "A catnip ale please" Garile smiles at Sangwa. As Sangwa orders the drinks she looks around the tavern and caresses her dress, checking her hidden daggers.

Handing her a mug of ale Sangwa and Garile start talking about the empire and Sangwa's vision of expanding by making the forces within the empire more independent from eachother. Then Nurahk walks in the tavern and spots the two at the bar. Walking towards them he nods "Goodday father. Goodday Garile."Garile smiles as she returns the nod "Goodday sir", "hmm, no need to call me sir, Nurahk will do fine" Nurahk replies.

[emeraldfool]

I'd just like to critcise Emerald's criticism by saying that I don't really think that the content of a story should be criticised, unless it's just blatantly bad, so much as the style of writing, etc.

No criticism is ultimately correct. I can give naught but my own opinion, however much or little it may be worth. I thought that's assumed. I am simply helping by giving my thoughts upon reading the story - I thought the first part to be a bit heavy-handed. I don't know whether that's intentional or not... If it was, you can rejoice in that it had the desired effect... if it was not, then it might  interest you to know that was how I perceived it. Either way, I don't presume to be correct in anything, but simply offer my thoughts.

At least that's how I see criticism. Kind of like a survey. Everyone's different, with different tastes - I find it handy to know what the general consensus is.

For example, if Phinehas were to tell you what he would have changed, then you could compare our two opinions, and focus on the things we agree on, if any

[Garris Shrike]

I liked the next bit too, Garile. Keep up the good work! Not really anything I can say...

[Vexonee]

*politely nudges Garile*

Waiting for the next chapter

[Garile]

Smiling Garile walks from the tavern towards the plaza. She had an ale at the tavern, but noone was there so she soon left to see if something interesting would be going on at the plaza. Lazily she walks with an obvious spark of enjoyment as she remembers last night. Nodding a greeting to someone she somewhat knows she twirls her tail and walks around the plaza inspecting the stalls there and keeping an eye out for any friends she might walk into.

Yesterdaynight she had had another date with Sangwa and she had been pleasantly suprised at how much fun it had been. It really pleased her to discover the fire that hid behind his calm demeanor. All to often Garile had found men who were in positions of power to become lacks and starting to loose interest for the cause they were so passionate about when they were just getting started. Not so with Sangwa and although that made it less easy for her to manipulate him it kept her interest in him as a person very much alive.

Still smiling Garile stops at a stand with several fabrics. She isn't really planning on making a dress herself, favoring the pampering feeling of a tailor way to much, but enjoys looking at the several fabrics just to get ideas for new dresses and the accesories that one has to buy with them. Giggling to herself she remembers she needs to buy a new dress aswell after last night.

Walking further Garile notices Ecuetas with a fenki at his side. The kran is a somewhat new imperial that Garile has started to concider as a friend eventhough she enjoys teasing him quite a bit aswell. Ecuetas is useally seen with other people as he enjoys teaching people how to defend themselves, but somehow this fenki seems different from the people he useally teaches. Interested Garile waves to Ecuetas and moves towards them looking over the fenki. The fenki has a smile on her face and is wearing light armor. Her clothing seems to show a preferance for the darker colors. Her fur shows it's not overly groomed but it's not left to grow wild either. Then Garile notices the confirmation it isn't just an aprentice as she sees Ecuetas holding her hand in his.

"Hi Ecuetas." Garile smiles brightly at discovering her friend. "Who is this you are with?". Smiling wide Ecuetas looks at the fenki and says "This is my wife Vexonee". Garile looks a tad suprised and looks at Vexonee "I didn't know you were married.". Looking a tad embarresed Ecuetas says "Well we just got married. Things went rather fast." Inwardly raising an eyebrow she smiles brightly nodding to Vexonee "Pleased to meet you Vexonee. I hope you can handle this one. I'm Garile" Garile giggles and winks at Vexonee. Vexonee smiles and nods aswell. "Well he is a handfull but he is worth it." and with that she smiles to Ecuetas.

[Garris Shrike]

oh my gosh the latest chapter! It's been forever .
I am so happy now . You still do excellent work, garile.

[Raa]

That was a long interval.

Me likes it, but some things confused me. Me thinks you must separate dialouge into other paragraphs. Only one person can speak in a paragraph; otherwise it gets hard to read and too bunched up.

Also, I know you didn't really have control over it, but Krans don't normally marry due to their neuterism.

[Garile]

Well don't normally marry isn't not at all and as you said it wasn't really my choice

Yeah been a long time indeed, but hope to be able to write some more again. These things happened quite a while ago though so a bit harder to remember how it went properly.

I'm glad to hear you both like it though

PS @ Raa: If you want you could give me an example of how you would think it would be better and I'll see what I can do to make it less confusing.

[Garile]

Garile smiled and looked over her shoulder where her daddy was. "Daddy? Daddy!!! Hurry!"

Daddy just smiled as he and Mommy were walking arm in arm down the street following Garile.

"Daddy!!!" Garile turned around and started running again. She ran a few corners. Suddenly she heard a scream behind her. She looked around more suprised then scared and walked back around the corner she had just passed. There she saw three strangers stand around her father. Her mother was laying on the ground and seemed strangely silent.

"Hello Germaino" one of the strangers said.

Garile's father was holding two daggers and suddenly ran towards the man who had spoken and stabbed one of the other strangers who tried to stop him, but this left him wide open and he was stabbed by the one who had spoken. Garile's father coughed blood and sludged against the stranger who had spoken.

"You shouldn't have insulted Laanx Germaino." Then the strangers threw Garile's father on the ground. Picked up the stranger who was holding his hand to his neck and carried him of. Garile ran to her father when the strangers were gone.

Daddy was cold. "Daddy... DADDY!!!"

***

Alan bumped against the drunk Klyros and as the Klyros turned angered Garile quickly slid of the purse at his strings and hid it under her clothes walking further like nothing happened. At the corner she passed the purse to another kid. This was what she was doing now that she had been taken in by "uncle Karos". This or being a lookout for burglars or helping the beggars or very rarely a poor performer.

***

"No Karos!!" She slapped away his hand, but Karos only laughed.

"Pretty girl like you needs protection Garile" He licked his lips as he said this. "You're a bit young but you'll learn to enjoy it".

Garile quickly jumped over the table and ran out the door being followed by Karos's laughter. She knew she had to leave or next time it might no longer be teasing. As she had started blossoming this year Karos had been looking at her strangely followed by these comments and he was getting harder and harder to ignore. Quickly she ran around the corner into the girls room and got her bag which she had already packet and crawled out the small window.

***

She felt pain all over. Gurius had not been gentle. Tears streamed out of her eyes. Why didn't Gurius love her? She did everything he wanted didn't she? Then a coldness came over her. Not to long after Gurius came back in to the room laughing. "Still sobbing love? Would think you would be over that by now. A little pain for my love." The sarcasm and the laughing was more then Garile could bear. After these weeks of taken advantage of and to be spoken to like that by someone she had been in love with made something snap and suddenly she didn't care what would happen with her anymore.

Slowly as in trance she rose and walked to her torn clothes in the corner. "What do you think you are doing love?" Gurius walked towards her and grabbed her by one of her arms. Garile just grabbed her knife with her other without Gurius who slapped her in the face noticing "You're not going to do anything without me telling so. Understand?"

Garile felt numb but a small part of her felt anger and as Gurius laughed again her dagger sliced along his throat leaving a trail of blood. Gurius suddenly looked suprised as his hand moved to his neck. A gurgling sound came out of his mouth while he walked till he hit the wall. But inexperienced as Garile was with the dagger she had not cut deep enough.

Garile looked as suprised as Gurius and looked at the blood on the dagger feeling as if it wasn't even really there. As if somehow it must be a dream or an illusion or something.

Gurius looked angry and tore one of his sleeves of and bound it around his neck and then got one of the swords that was standing in the corner. Gurius sweeped it at Garile. Garile just stepped aside still feeling no real emotions and only moving just enough to not be hit and stepped closer to Gurius now that he had lost his balance and as Gurius eyes grew larger Garile drove her dagger in his chest. Looking down on the body she walked to the bed and chrashed on it and fell asleep.

***

Smiling Garile looked at the guy she was seducing tonight. He wasn't badlooking but she didn't care much. Just aslong as he bought her things she would be nice to him. For now.

He caressed her cheek and said "I would love to spend the night with you."

Garile giggled knowing he wasn't rich enough by far to get that far. As the night progressed her date became more frisky and he started to annoy her. Finally he had to go to the bathroom. Garile ordered a drink saying her date would pay and then moved on to the dancefloor heading for the exit. Outside she looked at the gems in her date's former purse and put it away again. Then she walked away thinking it would be a good idea to move to the next town in the morning.

[Garile]

Small rewrite of the first part. Better this way? Haven't editted the main post yet.

[Raa]

Yeah, that's better.

[Garile]

Garile is standing against the door confused. Sangwa had just left and it had been a great evening and a great night aswell. Still Garile is feeling like something is amiss. He brought her a present and a nice one at that. Garile looks at the silver necklace and smiles briefly then the uneasyness takes over again. Why is she feeling this way? Garile feels a tear starting to form and a feeling formed partly of fear and partly of anger rises. Quickly she moves to the table where she put her daggers and takes one.

Taking a deep breath she slowly preses it against her paw until her fur is turned red. Quickly she runs it over her par making a perfect line of fur turning red. The pain washes over her and slowly Garile feels in control again. The uneasiness safely locked away again Garile gets out the bandage that she has almost standard in the closet near to the bed. After taking care of the wound she dives in her bed hoping to quickly fall asleep.

Garile wakes the next morning. Slowly Garile opens her eyes and she looks at her paw. Garile gets out of bed and takes of the bandage. It has stopped bleeding and is starting to heal as she didn't cut to deep having learned over the years how to make it hurt without to much damage. Garile washes herself and picks a black leather outfit to wear and puts on two black gloves aswell. Garile looks at the wounded paw now hidden and slowly opens and closes it. It still hurts and Garile smiles slightly. Today she has another mission and she needs to stay focused.

Garile walks to the wall and with a dagger takes out a loose stone. Reaching through the opening she takes a bag from the other side of the wall. Opening it she checks if everything is still in it. Taking out a vial with a greyish liquid that seems to catch the light she smiles wide. Her own creation and she will try it out today. Perhaps the elf will be luck and she miscalculated, but not very likely. The rats had responded just as she had predicted.

Slowly Garile stands up while putting everything from the bag into a pouch wich goes with her leather outfit. On the way out she gets the garbagebag wich smells rather bad. Garile murmurs to herself "ratcorpses really smell".