Hmm... One problem I've seen here is the actual lack of speech pattern. I mean, there's no pattern that may allow you to figure the character out. Instead it's very random. For example:
OK and m'lady used in same sentence. One thing "OK" is not a word -> "okay" is more correct.
But the problem is, "okay" belongs to lower speech, whereas "m'lady" to higher. Normally you'd expect "m'lady" connected with "very well" or some such. "All right" could do, but I think it's very neutral. Things like that are making a pattern. If it's random, it can be very disruptive.
Said that, I appreciate attempts at creating speech different from the casual English. It can take you away from the same old boring version you hear everyday. However, I think this requires a bit more effort. And I won't really lash out at punctuation and grammar. I don't like it when it isn't used properly, but I had it much worse when I first came to Planeshift. Still, I'm not sure if this goes well with the GM function, especially if they took over the RM part of the deal.