Rutger's University, bullying, homophobia and civility

[Candy]

I had a long, rambling post at the ready, but...it's nearly one AM and I should be alseep. So I'll play it safe and keep this relatively short. Forgive me if it seems a little disjointed to those that've had their caffeine.

It's sickening to hear this story, and I'm happy that there seems to be a strong social and political movement in support of the GBLTQ community going on with us North Americans. As for bullying in general, I've been both victim and bully at times, and I admit it's a problem. I also believe, however, that it's a fact of life and won't go away any time soon - it happens among everyone from individuals to entire countries. The best we can do is try to prevent it, and extend a helping hand (and/or shield) to the victims where we can.

In the context of the internet, or more specifically the games and roleplay communities therein, I've found that the GBLQs (I don't think I've knowingly met any Ts or As thus far) are the most pleasant to (role)play with. They've taught me a great deal about both the games I've played and the GBLTQ community, whether directly or not, and I appreciate that immensely.

[Sarras Volcae]

ditto taphan

also, i get bothered when girls flirt with me, especially when they know i'm straight. even guys flirting with me is a little weird (yes, you, drey and catlemur), but that's simply how i am. just putting that out there.  

[Candy]

Acceptance is the issue here, not peoples' sex lives. By the "keep-it-to-yourself" logic, Taphan, people should also keep it secret that they're married, and avoid wearing their rings. It's a sadly common attitude, and indicative of homophobia itself. Flip that around and think of how you'd react to someone saying "I'm okay with straight people, as long as they keep it to themselves and act gay." Would you be offended? I'm not asking for an answer to the question; just think about it.

As long as homophobia runs rampant, many GBLTQs will take the out and proud approach to show that they aren't ever going away, and the rest of the world's just going to have to learn to deal with that.

Besides, the question Roled is posing is, does it effect the way we treat others when we suspect others of being something other than straight, no actual knowledge of their real lives required.

And Sarras, just treat the girls that hit on you the same way you'd treat the guys whose attention you don't desire - let 'em know you're possibly flattered, if that happens to be the case, but definitely not interested.

[Sarras Volcae]

Acceptance is the issue here, not peoples' sex lives. By the "keep-it-to-yourself" logic, Taphan, people should also keep it secret that they're married, and avoid wearing their rings. It's a sadly common attitude, and indicative of homophobia itself. Flip that around and think of how you'd react to someone saying "I'm okay with straight people, as long as they keep it to themselves and act gay." Would you be offended? I'm not asking for an answer to the question; just think about it.

gay and straight aren't acts. what most people think of when they hear "acting gay" is some guy with tight jeans who tries to sound like a teenage girl. that's not gay. that's being a douchebag. and it's annoying as hell! if you're going to act like anything, please act like yourself. sexual orientations don't have impacts on personalities.

And Sarras, just treat the girls that hit on you the same way you'd treat the guys whose attention you don't desire

so, i should run away screaming "EEW!"? ok 

[LigH]

Just a few "optimistic opinions":

• No matter how "pervert" (in the best meaning of this term) you believe you may be ... there will always be other people who just like you that way. They may just be harder to find when they are no "majority".

• Being called "pervert" only means that they who say that are intolerant.

• Limits of tolerance are defined by the society. The society changes during the time. With enough efforts, minorities can become a normal, accepted part of it.

There have been several (sexual and similar) society revolutions in history. The latest important one in Germany, the "emancipation" movement during the late 70s and 80s, allowed women to get rid of the "Housewife" stereotype, and one of their most famous idols was the punk singer Nina Hagen; another "national educator" of Germany - who recently died - was Oswalt Kolle. They started talking about the topic, like later Salt'n'Pepa in America. Talking about it is the first step towards tolerance.

"Gag Harmond" may not be the ultimate diplomat, but develops with his tasks.

[MishkaL1138]

also, i get bothered when girls flirt with me, especially when they know i'm straight. even guys flirting with me is a little weird (yes, you, drey and catlemur), but that's simply how i am. just putting that out there.  

Can I flirt with you, Sarras?  Can I?! Can I?! Sorry, sorry… 

Now, our topic… I don't give a flying [censored] if someone is gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, extraterrestrial or hermaphrodite, as long as they RP well. Mishka has lots of female friends IG, and I know some of them are guys IRL [Not telling who they know who they are]; and I do NOT care about it. Why? Simple : OOC info should not change your game experience. I learned that some time ago.

Now, my question… who's going to stop RPing with me knowing that I am bisexual?

Peace 

[Tessra]

Don't worry Mishka... Candy and I will now hunt you down on all our alts and huggle you to pieces. 


There probably were unsupportive circumstances to this poor young man's life that kept him from coming out about his sexuality.  But the fact remains that there is a difference in being able to come out and have flamboyant displays of affection in public, and simply being able to be accepted for being the sexual orientation you happen to be.  Most GLBTQAs that I know don't want to walk around making out with their partners in public.  They simply want to be able to say that they have them, without getting looks, stares, threats, etc.  Or in the case of Asexuals, to be able to say they are asexual without someone giving them a funny look for it. 

It makes me sad that people feel they need to hide a crucial part of who they are simply because there are people who are unable to accept it.  Let's face it.  There are people in this game who would not write with someone if they found their sexual preferences to be disgusting.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but should it extend as far as hurting others because of bigotry?  I don't know that I think it should go that far. 

[Geoni]

There are people in this game who would not write with someone if they found their sexual preferences to be disgusting. 

I would love to test this out and see if people /write/ with me now that many know I am gay. I doubt they won't.

[Drey]

Can I flirt with you, Sarras?  Can I?! Can I?! Sorry, sorry… 

>:|   (<-- that's my xordan face)

[Catlemur]

There are people in this game who would not write with someone if they found their sexual preferences to be disgusting. 

I would love to test this out and see if people /write/ with me now that many know I am gay. I doubt they won't.

K$sha wants to tell you something http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DV4EmSviDfQ&feature=aso

[Sillamon]

Look, I don't care what anybody says, you don't know the next player's gender and orientation unless you know them in person. What the hell does it matter if they says the are A, Bi, Tri, or whatever... Its means nothing. They could be lying .. and many do.

If you pigeon-hole yourself by claiming to be of a minority orientation, then too bad. That's your own stupid fault. If you can't take being shot at then don't strap a target to your chest. Duh.

As for this twit who jumped, that was his choice. Nobody made him do it. he got what he wanted, case closed. A better idea would have been to learn a little unconditional self-acceptance and then to get some revenge. Well, too late now.

You have to accept yourself as you are before you can expect other people to accept you. If you think that your orientation makes you dirty or wrong then you need to work on self-acceptance. Be yourself - even it if means being a dirty little freak.

Some folks are a-holes; Learn to deal with them effectively.

[novacadian]

As for this twit who jumped, that was his choice.

Well it was not his choice to post his intimate moments on the internet for all the world to see.

My feeling is that most people would not want such moments shared with the world; no matter their sexual orientation; let alone a young man that may be exploring his sexuality for the first time.

- Nova

[Sillamon]

I agree that he had nothing to do with what led up to his decision to jump and that publishing that video was very wrong .. but ultimately the decision to jump was his idea, and his choice. Its erroneous to say that anyone made him do it, likewise the effort it must have taken for him to leap was probably quite significant.

[Tessra]

@Geoni: Those people who are truly your friends won't turn on you because they know.  I really hope that the people you surround yourself with are kind and open-minded enough that you never have to face shunning in PS over your life. 

@Sillamon: It seems a bit unfeeling to call him a twit simply because you disagree with his choice.  We have no way of knowing that boy's circumstances.  Or what his emotional state was.  He could have been emotionally disturbed, or severely depressed before that video was taken an publicized.  If he had any number of mental diseases that type of emotional trauma would have been almost impossible for him to cope with.  I find it reprehensible that people would 1) think it alright to take a video of someone else in a private situation and publicize it and 2) act in such a way to make that boy feel like he could not face his family, friends, and the rest of his life. 
   

[Sillamon]

Point taken .. Its not nice to call someone a twit. 

@Geoni, I don't care if you chase barnyard animals      ... your a fellow player. Period.

For those who have an issue with other's orientation ic or ooc, chances are you are more like that undesirable person than you think. The mind has some very funny ways of protecting you from your own dark secrets. Denial and displacement are quite common.   

Back on topic .. One has to ask about the fellow who taped this twit in the act.
How much of this did he watch?
Was bullying the kid perhaps a subconscious justification for watching this?