Warning, this is a satire, not an actual guild. Attempts to join will be met with ridicule and shame. 
I welcome you all to The Sheeple Foundation, founded on our year of Talad, 3406 (ty). With great joy, I greet you, the cowering masses, to our guild. Our continuing mission is to bring together those who live in fear of the evils?
?and spiders,? a weasely voice calls out.
And spiders?
?and the dark,? someone cries from under the table.
And the dark?
?open spaces,? a pause, ?and closed in. And public speak?.eeek!?
Fine, fine. Does anybody else have something to add?
?
bunnies.? The entire room trembles at the whispered utterance.
*shakes head* If that is all? *clears throat* Ahem. Our continuing mission is to bring together those who live in fear of *looks around* any little thing that is even vaguely scary in the least possible way. Even bunnies. *pauses as several members faint.*
Our great founder, Greap Yel?elow, was once a coward much as most of you are. But he discovered -after his wife made him come out from under the bed- that when grouped together with others as fearful as himself, he felt brave?all right, not brave, but less scared?fine, not even less scared, he just found that he no longer soiled himself at the mere shadow of a threat, or bunnies. Come to think of it, he was probably a greater coward than all of you put together. But that is not the point. He formed this, our great guild, so that he and others could walk the streets without?er?um?well, they could walk the streets. When faced with danger, they had a better chance of survival. The faster ones anyways; the slow ones were evil fodder. But this practice of going out in force guaranties that some of you may live to fear another day. If you join our grand guild, you too can reap the rewards as Greap did. You can finally face the world with a tiny shred of dignity. You?
*a hand raises*
Yes?
?What happened to Goodmaster Yel?elow??
Well?um?he was slow one day. Really?I didn?t trip him on purpose. I was just faster. Honest. Ahem?that being said, on to ranks and guild positions. *takes out a chart. A man runs screaming out of the tavern in to the night*? What was that about?
?He?s afraid of charts.?
Oh? All right then?the chart. *holds up the chart*
This is our ranking system as well as our coat of arms. It is also the formation we will take when going out in public.
First, all new members shall have the rank of Redshirt, indicated in red on the chart.
?why red??
Um?no reason. It just looks pretty on the chart. As their name implies, they will wear a bright red shirt. Their duties to the guild are?um?well?they don?t have any. We don?t like to scare new members off with a lot of paperwork. Next we have the BrownPants. Brown on the chart. It is their job to continue if the Redshirts fail in their duty.
?I thought you said they didn?t have a duty.?
Oh?did I? Slip of the tongue. What I meant was, the Brownpants are to?um? keep the guild house clean. Yes, that is their job. Moving on, we have the Greengills. Basically the same thing as the Brownpants, only in the front.
?the guild house must be spotless.?
Er?yes. We like to keep ourselves clean. After that, we have the Black and Blues.
?Together??
Do you have to question everything I say? No? Good then? the Black and Blues main job is to replenish our member numbers through recruitment. *the man who dashed out into the dark runs screaming back into the room*? Now what?
?he?s afraid of the dark. Did you say ?replenish?? ?
What did I tell you about asking questions? Now finally, on the chart? *the man runs screaming back out into the dark.* What the?someone lock the door please. Finally, we have the ?Supreme Ultra Commander? in the gold.
?that looks like yellow.?
Shut-up. If you are going to be in this guild, then you better start showing me respect. Understand? *the door rattles at a loud thump*? Well, now he?ll be afraid of doors too. Now?if we can continue? Good. *takes a large box from under the table* This box contains seven bunnies and one kitten. Anybody who does not sign up immediately will be locked in this room with it until they do. Any questions?
