The Art of Tripping
by Arnigus Faymore (Under the moon)
Leader of The Sheeple Foundation
Many have asked me how such an overweight man with so many enemies has survived for so long. I tell you as a semi-successful banker that it has not been easy. I used to live in fear of my life nearly every day, wondering when the next villain would try to rob me. That was until I discovered The Sheeple Foundation and its great leader Greap Yel'elow. He taught me that safety lies in the strength of numbers and being the fastest of them. However, no matter how hard I trained or how many of Kada'el's jelly filled pastries I consumed, I simply could not summon the energy to propel myself from the rear of the pack. One day, as I heard the dieing screams of the only two members slower than I, I knew that I would be the next man to fall to ensure the continuation of our proud guild. Though I knew it was my duty, it saddened me. So I asked Greap, a man not so much smaller than myself, how he always reached safety first. He grinned at me and said that it was his little secret, but after I bought him many ales he finally told me. This is what he said:
Armmigush my fwiend, the shecret to being zha fashesht ish not being sha fashtesht. Let me tells you 'bout da art uf twipping.
"The art of tripping?" I thought. But as I listened in amazement, he regaled me the knowledge only he knew. He told me that there are many arts in the world, but there was none so great as the art of tripping. You may think that tripping is an immature prank pulled by only the young, but Greap opened my eyes. The balance and skill to trip someone at a full run is a daunting feat to learn. But I persevered. After many weeks of practice with brooms and small children, I learned the skills I knew I would need to survive. I learned the sideswipe from behind, the toe step, the foot planting shin block...yes, I even learned the dreaded mid stride knee kick, which should only be attempted by a master. I knew I was ready. The test came after a stop at Kada's for our daily gathering. I saw some villains eyeing us and doubled my order of pastries. As we left the tavern, the villains began their pursuit. The others thought they had no worries, since I was known to be the slowest. But that day I was propelled by weeks of training, conviction, and the sweetness of harlberry jelly and powdered sugar. My feet had wings as I gained on my comrades. I caught the old lady with the bad hip. Down she went with a shin block. Then the Kran with one leg, his crutches sent flying. Skinny Fef, with his unnatural fear of blue, dropped to a mere sideswipe. A space opened up before me, and there he was; Greap, his feet blurring in all their glory as he blocked all those who attempted to pass him. Toe steps and side kicks; knee hooks and cross cuts; no one could match him. It was a marvelous sight. The craft of a true master. Then I was alone at his side. His foot flashed out with an inverted toe snag, but I was ready. I leapt the trip, countering with half fake ankle grinder. Greap easily avoided my move. Back and forth we went, striking, feigning, and blocking. Master and student in a great battle. But Greap was the better, finally catching my extended leg in a complicated left-right double shin bender. I knew I was doomed, but Greap's grin was washed away as my feet somehow righted themselves to my wind milling arms. It was then I knew Talad himself was on my side. Now was my chance. I launched into the dreaded mid stride knee kick, my great weight giving it extra force. I will never forget the look of pride I saw come over his face as Greap fell. His student was now a master. There is no greater reward for a teacher. A tear comes to my eye every time I think of him. Remember him and weep, my friends, for the Azure Sun shall never again shine on the likes of him. My master; my friend; a great man of men; Greap Yel'elow.
