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Before I post, I would like to shed a little light on the situation and my background. I am a fifteen year old teenager, who would fit between the \"outcast\" and the \"normals\" I believe I have a good understanding of why the kids who do these things do them, or think about doing them. The reason for the sudden writing of this is because today at my High School (wont name) their was a serious Columbine type threat(this is the Week of TAKS test in Texas). It made me think about it, and while walking home I just couldn\'t stop thinking about it. I know this type of thing happens all the time, more than the news reports and that most likely what happened at my school wont be on the news.
Please note, that at the end I will try to ration why what they do, couldn\'t possibly help them our their cause any way, and why its foolish, even for someone in that mind frame to do it, but before I can do that, I must first explain the thinking behind it.
First off, what mentality runs through these kids? Weve all heard the reports on the news about how they view themselfs as outcast, and they feel isolated, and emotionally, and possibility physicaly violated. Yet, they never go into detail about what they feel to the extent that it is.
(First off, I like to think that this is what they view, since I have had similar thoughts, but I have always been rational enough to know doing such a thing would only hurt what I view as my cause)
You wake up, most likely the night before going to sleep brooding of the wrongs in this world, of the people who abuse and mutilate societys morals. You put on your clothes, your clothes are the steryotypical \"Goth/Punk/Emo\" atire, but also it can also be the kids who dress up nice, and are highly intellectual, yet are outcasted for that. You wear this because its considered ab-norm, your so sick of the human races over properatized need to conform and adjust, so you wear what you think is different, so that you are different. You go to school, possibly riding the bus. While on the bus you have to listen to preps, bullies, hell everyones a bull these days without knowing it... You see them attacking each other subconciously, purposely. It doesn\'t even have to be aparanent. Some kid is trying to read a book, so some kid comes up, and just to be annoying goes about with stuff like\"what yah reading, cool is that interesting\" while messing with the kids, trying to get the book from him. You feel angry inside, you want to stop it... You wish you could put a bullet in the head of every kid who was like this, yet you realise if you did, their would be only a few left at your school...and this sickens you, how humanity could become so foul, so twisted, so cruel.
Then your at school, you hate going there, the teachers have no control of the children. They can do nothing about the viciousness of these kids. They let kids who shouldnt get away with what their doing get away, and for the kids who rarely mess up, they get in big trouble. You loose respect for the teachers, the system, the kids. You so desperately want to cure this disease, this manifestation of pure disgusting waste.
You see the preps, the one who sets what in, whats cool. They put down others, that dont dress like them, act like them... They seclude people, only letting the \"privelged\" join their ranks. You want so badly for people to be free, to not be judged by what they wear.
Then, despite it all, you like someone, or you admire some who you view as someone. You don\'t know them that well, but you try to become their friend. Yet they outcast you off, because your not like them, yet you knew if you wanted to, you could become one of them...but the thought of that sickens you, you don\'t want to reduce yourself to that level.
You see all these people with their boyfriend and girlfriends, together for the wrong reason. As if its some sort of contest, a public display. Many dont feel anything for anyone... And the people you know a bit close, or you gotten to know them from observing them when no ones around. They are with people who treat them like garbage, rude, arrogant mannered people. You know their boyfriend/girlfriend isnt right for them. You know that, you would know how to treat them right, make them feel loved...yet because your not shallowly handsome, a jerk, arrogant, selfish, ignorant, and down right cruel you will never have them.
Then in class some kids making distractions...this either doesnt bother you, or it does even though you despies the teachers because. These people are turning back knowledge, albiet biast knowledge. These people are making it harder for those that want to learn, or want to concentrate on something so the day goes by faster. Yet you know its both the teacher and the students fault for this.
And then you think about the teaching methods and how their ineffective, and makes your blood boil to think I could do all this in 15 minutes, yet I have to go through this torture for hour a fourty minutes. How it seems that your being held back, and that teachers wont listen to logic. You know something that would work so much better, yet due to arrogant pride teachers dont listen.
Your next class is keyboarding, your taking it because you have to, even though you even know how to type your own way. Yet they make you conform, and learn it their way, even if it makes you slower. You wonder who would making the keys this way,and so you do some research... You find out it was done that way to slow down people back in the day of the typewriter because going to fast jammed the machine. You want to scream, their are keyboards now! We should be able to switch back to the faster method. You try telling your teacher what you learned, and she ignores you...trying to deny the truth.
Its lunch time now, you find somewhere to sit...maybe you sit alone, or with a small group of friends you have. Your detatched though, you just feel that these are the only people that know the pain. How ever no one ever wants to talk about it, or search for answers, because when theyh do the cold hard fact is that you can\'t, or atleast you think you cant.
Time for the next class, and surprise! Your given a \"Fun and Creative\" task as a treat, usuaslly drawing some map, or some pointless creative talent... You hate that, you can\'t draw, sing, your smart...but not that smart. You rather write a 10 essay on The Globe theatre then to make a replica of it, yet the teacher things shes rewarding you...it burns so badly inside.
last class, your about to go home, then you hear a prep complaining about how so and so wont go out with them, and how their life is just ruined, or because they cant go to the movies that weekend their life is ruined and their parents are so unfair...you want to hit them, they are whiners in your mind
You go home, you don\'t hang out with people after school usuaslly, you proably dont even have any kids at schools number. Your lonely, and when lonely you think...You think of how morally corrupt our society is, how it should all change.
You go to sleep thinking that way
Repeat over and over until you are mentatly mad, you don\'t think quite straight, this pain you feel... it over rides logical choices. Thats when you come up with the idea, hey! I will get rid of the disease, the leaders of this, the preps. I will show people what our world has come to, and so you go to school and pull a Columbine, and maybe you had a target list, but when you get their your consumed with rage and forget all about your targets and shoot anyone you see, thinking that your getting rid of the problem and helping society out.
Now that I\'ve tried to show the mind view of this type of person, Which is how I feel everyday, but smart enough to know that doing that wont help, heres why I think that.
The reason they do it because is they want to rid the world of this disease, they view that by doing this, people will realise what their doing and things will change. That will never happen, people who murder, or do such things in history usuasly never have their idogoly though of, while pacifist who do other things than just violence, are rembered and their idea kept alive...like Ghandis views.
You want to get rid of the people that cause you and other the most pain, the head leaders of the preps, the captain of the cheerleading squad thinking that if you get rid of the leader, the system will fall and people will realise your goals. Yet, this doesnt work, by the time your at the school and shoot, you stop thinking about your targets, you just shoot who ever you can, and even if you do kill the leader their will just be a mass candle light deal, with everyone showing sympathy towards the people that cause others the most pain... Thats not what you want is it? Its the opposite. Plus the innocent people, who don\'t deserve, not even in your mind, get shot and hurt and possibly die, are you no better than the preps?
You want to send a message. Like I said the message almost is never recieved, or its recieved and goes right through the ear, doing what your doing wont change humans...humans are so programmed to be viccious its sickening. The people at that school may feel devestated, and mentaly violated and be disturbed and afraid, ect. Yet they still act rude, and still do what they did before, even when they think their not.
The sympathy doesnt go towards you, it goes towards the people that have caused you this pain. You will be viewed as the villian, not the viligante cleaning up the crime.
People that can relate to you, they are now subjects, they are watched closely, their life is made even worse because kids fear them even more now, counselors get in their business, when they arn\'t crazy enough or stupid enough to do this... Your hurting the only people left who have any respect for each other, the people you once called your friends.
Schools will tighten, and have tightend their policly, their afraid of something like this happening again, their will be a zero tolerance policly... While sometimes thats good, it hurts people like you... Someones messing with you, physically, and mentaly, and they never ever get caught... you have a 5 9\' kid picking on a 5 6\' kid who weights 40 pounds less than him. The smaller kid hasn\'t done anything, hes just a victim. He wants to fight, beat up the kid, show him that hes not going to take it....But as soon as he returns a hit from what the bully does it him, their both in the office get a police report filed on them, because the schools are to lazy to try and figure out whos fault it really is, the smaller kid who has the A\'s in class, and is National Honor Society, or the scum whos been in IRS, and Suspended, and gotten into more fights than you can count on one hand. They don\'t care, your equally as evil as the bully... So you don\'t do anything, the frustations builds up in that kids, and eventuatlly, he has the possibility of pulling another Columbine. And he can\'t go to the counselor, their incompent and make things worse
Doing this to a school, just doesn\'t help the \"Columbine Kids\" anyway, if they knew what would really happen afterwords, would they really do what they do? Maybe some of them, because their already maddened to the point of illogicalness, but to some it might stop them.
Is their honestly anything we can do?
No, we can\'t change humans...what we can do is find people that are like us, and form a close group, be there for each other. Try and spread the word of what people are doing do.
Thank you for taking the time to read this long post, and Im sorry if this is considered offensive material... I just want to try and make a difference.
You have permission, and I strongly urge you if you think this right, and think it can make the difference if read and understood enough then feel free to send this to other websites, post it on forums, ect ect.
All I ask is you keep my Name and Aim/Xfire in it
Ryan M
Aim:Aamelron
Xfire:Aamelron
Feel free to aim me and discuss this
