The Labyrinth (a parody) staring Moogie. (Done reformating. Read it again. Now.)

[Under the moon]

Scene Eighteen-
~If you don't have anything nice to say...~

We last left Moogie staring at the tiny figure of herself. If you will remember, she had lost parts of her memory, if not her sharp wit or the rougher side of her tongue. Now, being the evil person I am, I could have dredged up a slew of unfinished 'Moogie' projects until Miss Moogie was forced into the full remembrance of herself and her precarious predicament, but once again the humanitarian bug has bitten me. Or it could just be that my hard drive went though a wipe sooner, more unexpected, and less announced than PlaneShift, taking with it my 'Terrible Black Book of Horrible Secrets' and the creepy files I keep on you all. So, we will just assume the figure brings back all of her memories. Also, you can stop boarding up your windows or thinking about a sudden untraceable move, as I don't really keep files on everyone. Really... now stop looking at me like that. Let's join Miss Moogie with all of her memories in tact, shall we?

Miss Moogie, raising an eyebrow- "How kind of you. And where have you been? Do you know how many people have been waiting for this? And why the sudden 'Miss' Moogie? You can't just..."

Ok, no more Miss Moogie. Blame Drey. But no more rants please. You did promise.

Moogie- "Under duress! You know, I shouldn't have let you have your little figure back. I should have stomped it, set it on fire, threw it in a hole, set the hole on fire, filled the hole with dirt...no, rocks... no, flaming rocks, and covered the entire thing with a steaming pile of..."

Moogie's pleasant little train of thought is interrupted by the sound of voices approaching, those voices belonging to none other than Kwartz and Lhoran.

Kwartz- "No, man, you just can't get the same soul from classical. It just don't happen on the same level, dig?"

Lhoran- "But my good Sir Kwartz, have you never heard the stirring rendition of... oh, hello my lady Moogie."

Kwartz- "Moogs? How'id you get ahead of us? I thought you were back shinin' around that Val chap."

Moogie, apparently quite irate- "I was NOT shining around Valbrandr! Didn't you two morons even notice I was gone?"

Kwartz and Lhoran glance at each other in that 'Oh crap' look guys are all so good at. Oh yes, you know the one. It its an art that comes with much practice and little patients. Lhoran pulls his hat off to fiddle with.

Lhoran- "My Lady, I do fear there is no safe answer to that question."

Moogie, growling dangerously- "I have half a mind to..."

"TUUUUUUESDAAAAAAAAAY!"

All three stop in shock as the Cyl runs screaming passed, its long arms flailing in the wind. The slight smell of something smelling somewhat like bananas fills the air. The Cyl vanishes into the piles of discarded papers to the fading scream of- "BAAAAAANAAAanaaaas!"

Kwartz, snapping his fingers- "Damn. We should have snagged it. You never know when a good Cyl will come in handy. Even one that does smell like bananas."

Moogie- "Somewhat like bananas. But whatever, Cyl or not, let's just get to Nooblin City and hope that we don't have to climb another wall or tie someone up."

Distant receding shout- "I hate you!"

Shrugging to each other, the small band continues on their way, still lacking a good Cyl for climbing walls, tying things up, or such. Before long, they come to what seems to be the towering gates of Nooblin City. More than seems, by the large blinking neon sign hanging slightly at an angle above the gates, stating in grand Times Roman Letters:

Welcome to Nooblin City
Proud home of the Yliakum Cabals!

Moogie- "I really, really don't want to ask...but the Cabals?"

Lhoran, in utter disbelief- "You hath never heard of the Yliakum Cabals?!"

Moogie- "The Cabal, yes, but what are these Cabals supposed to be?"

Kwartz- "Only the evilest, most despicable, baddest, most messed up, fourth year in a row championship winning Hopscotch gang around."

Moogie, after a long shocked pause, in which many bewildered, perplexed, (yes I know I'm being redundant) disbelieving expressions pass before her face- "Hopscotch!? The Cabal?! Hopscotch!? Are you completely insane?! You turned the evilest organization in PlaneShift into a... a... Hopscotch gang!?"

Lhoran, taking no note of the very irregular punctuation in Moogie's speech- "To be fair, m'lady, there has not been much implemented for evil aligned characters to do."

Moogie, still shaking her head- "But Hopscotch? There is nothing whatsoever evil, bad, or even slightly malicious about Hopscotch in any way."

Kwartz, after a short pause- "They do cheat."

Lhoran- "And they stole the stone."

Moogie, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation- "I give up. Xordan is goning to kill you. That's all there is to it. At least I'll have something to look forward to. Let's go before this gets any more insane."

Moogie stomps of towards the gates, muttering something about the Cabal, but stops at the sight of a rather stiff looking Kran guard standing to the side.

Moogie- "Now who did you drag into this?"

Guard, politely- "I am sorry, but I did not hear your question. Would you mind repeating it?"

Moogie, eyes narrowing suspiciously- "Who are you?"

Guard, polite and chipper- "I am Guardsman Ghellen. Welcome to Nooblin City. Obey the laws and stay out of trouble. If you need assistance, I will gladly assist you."

Moogie- "Ghellen? I don't remember anybody by that name. When did you join PlaneShift?"

Ghellen- "Your words confuse me, Sir. Could you speak a more common dialect?"

Moogie, kicking the ground angrily- "I knew it! I just bloody knew it! Of all the unhelpful people you have thrown at me, now you have to bring in an NPC? An NPC?! How am I supposed to get any useful help out of a bloody NPC?!"

Ghellen, irritaited sounding- "Sir, if you are going to continue to waste my time, you might as well move along."

Moogie, to her companions- "Come on. This guy isn't going to get us anywhere. The only thing they understand is 'Do you have a quest for me?'"

Ghellen, polite and chipper- "A quest you say? Well, Sir, there have been some bandits plaguing the road for some time now. Bring back proof of their demise, and you shall be richly rewarded."

Kwartz and Lhoran immediately turn back down the road.

Moogie- "Where do you think you are going?"

Lhoran- "He has bestowed on us a quest, m?lady. We must accept."

Moogie- "We are on a quest! You can't just leave me."

Kwartz- "But Moogs, a working quest. Working. And the reward. You can't just pass a thing like that up."

Moogie, trying very hard not to scream, rant, or mindlessly tear anyone limb from limb- "The real me is bald. We are on a quest to get my life and my hair back from a twisted Xordan. Your reward will be to not have to find your way out of the Deathrealm, because I won't have to KILL YOU!"

Kwartz, swallowing hard- "You can't argue with that."

Lhoran- "Her words carry much wisdom. Keeping ones head does seem the greater reward in the long run, does it not?"

Moogie nods tartly and walks to the gates, giving them a stiff push. They don't move. She gives it another shove. Still nothing. Grinding her teeth, she braces her shoulder on the gates and heaves. Not a budge. With a low growl, she kicks the gate, only to have them rebound, swinging easily outward on well oiled hinges. Kwartz opens his mouth, pointing at a small sign to Moogie's side. -Pull to open-  Moogie glares at the others, daring them to speak. Kwartz snaps his mouth shut and cringes. Lhoran winces. Ghelles does nothing, obviously not scripted to respond to glares. Moogie turns and strides through the doors, the others following quietly, besides Ghelles, as NPCs are horrible at following. The only sound is a distant, "Baa....naaa...naaas..."

[Phinehas]

Woot!!! A new chapter! It\'s awesome Under, I love the Cyl, and the NPC, and Cabali. Perfect.

[Leonor Mephidra]

Again, i must say: extremely funny, you are truly skilled at this

*hurls another size 14 shoe and some pebbles at Underthemooon* \"Please???\"

Greetz, Leo

[XpYtZ]

Sorry I was out looking for a good Cyl...err Rope. Actually I was camping with my Martial Arts class. Good stuff there and I love my overactive verbal oldfashionedness (ha, ha, I can invent words also.)
Just keep it coming and no one will have to get lit on fire or skinned alive or anything of the sort. Err...maybe I\'ve said too much...Or have I said enough?

*/emote Wiziz away in a puff of cartoon smoke like daffy duck in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

[Moogie]

Keep writing Moon! I love it.

[hramrach]

Great, could not stop reading

[Azzule]

L.O.L this is the funniest thing i have ever read...

(hmm my friend scargil won\'t like me saying that, must remain silent around him)

anyway keep it coming 8D

[Under the moon]

Ok, folks, I know you all want more of this, but you will have to wait a bit. Due to my pc crash, injuring my back, healing, going to working again, and... other things, I have been distracted of late. Couldn\'t focus on writing. Sorry.

But I promise this will be finished. I feel the writing bug biting me again, but work may delay it. I\'ll make time somehow.

Thank you all.

[Cha0s]

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!

I haven\'t been reading the forums recently (mostly because I couldn\'t post, so I kept getting annoyed whenever I read things I wanted to respond to, but Venge fixed that, as you can see since I\'m posting, and I\'m sorry for writing such a long sentence, but you all just had to know about this. P.S. You may just want to start this paragraph over and skip the parentheses) and so I figured I might as well stop by the RP forum. And so I did. Hrmmm, new threads, dum de dum and, ah... something by Under the Moon. Well, I should read that; I mean, he writes good stuff -- wait, it\'s a parody; this should be good. *insert smug, expectant look*

Well, I started reading, and laughing, and reading some more; and then, to my surprise and joy, I kept reading, and kept laughing all the way through.

The best thing by far is the character-writer relationship. Similar to the \"voices in your head\" thing you did before. Excellent. And then there\'s the way you manage to bring all of those forum-dwellers into the story and keep them (mostly) in character. Extraordinary. And then there\'re the Planeshift jokes scattered throughout. Exemplary (I\'m running out of \'e\' words). And then there\'s the story itself, a blend of all these other things with just the right balance. Entertaining.

Keep up the great writing. It brightens my day and I look forward to reading all of it.

[Under the moon]

*tries to walk into the forum, but finds that his head no longer fits.*

[[Thanks Cha0s and everyone else, now I need bigger doors ]]


Scene nineteen
~A pebble for your thoughts~

Moogie taps her foot impatiently. Lhoran tunes his fiddle for what must be the hundredth time. Kwartz snores loudly, sound asleep against a wall, one hand cradling his great sax, the other having the thumb stuck firmly in his mouth. Normally, you would think this to be somewhat odd behavior for a group of stalwart heroes about to invade and wreck havoc on an unsuspecting nooblin city. You would think that they would be more inclined towards excitement, nervousness, and perhaps even a little fear. That would be, of course, if a certain lazy and infinitely distracted writer had not left them sitting like this for quite some time.

Moogie- "I couldn?t have said it better myself. You leave me with these two like that again, and you will be banned for a year. Every bloody five minutes, 'Is he here yet?' 'No,' 'Is he here now?' 'No,' 'Did he write anything?' 'No,' 'Are you sure? Could you check, m'lady?' 'NO!' You are in so much trouble when I get out of here, mister."

Continuing on that happy thought, let us recap. Led by our own Miss Moogie, the Companions of the Hair... Moogie raises an eyebrow. What?

Moogie, rolling her eyes- "Nothing, just get on with it. You know what? Never mind, I'll recap. I am sure everyone it quite tired of your little asides, you type slow, and I am tired of waiting. I have been kidnapped by a sadistic writer and tossed into a horribly hacked parody of 'The Labyrinth'. Everywhere I turn, there has been insanity, bad puns, and constant comments about my bum. After all that, we now stand inside the first gates of -get this- Nooblin City, where Mr. Great Writer has dumped us for more than a week. I don't like all this glaring I have been doing, and he could have written me a nicer part."

That wouldn't have been funny. Moogie glares at the source of these words, who grins and shrugs, being safely on the other side of an ocean, and not stuck in the insides of her own computer with a cast of deranged, unhelpful, and outrageously caricaturized characters...

Moogie- "Bite me, you...OUCH!"

Being across said ocean, I did -in fact- not bite Moogie. This is not to say no one did. Judging by the young menkidukai latched onto her ankle in a bear-trap like grip, you might even find it impossible to say someone did not bite her. That someone being the aforementioned enki, who seems to have dropped a few colored pebbles in the process of enacting previously described bite. Now, those pebbles probably have nothing to do with the bite itself, and more to do with the bitey....no that would be the biter, as Moogie happens to be the bitey. So back to the biter, his pebbles, and the alleged but as of yet not completely proven bite...

Moogie- "Stop writing about it and get him off me!"

Oh, sorry. You can let go now, Leonor. Leonor obeys obediently with a huge grin, gathering up his pebbles.

Leonor- "Yay! He put me in! And I got to bite a pretty Fenki!"

Moogie- "Leonor? But all the parts are filled. Not that I mind the company, as long as you don't have him bite me again. Why the change?"

Alleged bit, and call it a favor to a friend. He shall be abused henceforth from now until the end of the parody, suffering endless humiliations just as the rest of you have. Leonor does a little dance, pulling a very fine violin from somewhere and playing a short didy.

Leonor- "Yay!"

Leonor's happy and unfounded little outburst wakes the slumbering Kwartz, who -luckly- has not begun drooling very much yet.

Kwartz- "Aw man. Five more minutes. Where's the snooze?"

Kwartz reaches over and smacks Leonor in the back of the head with one of his great hands, effectively simulating a snooze button as the enki drops dazed to the ground.

Moogie- "You're abusing him already?"

Leonor, dazed- "Yay!"

Back to Kwartz, it is common knowledge that it is best to let a sleeping Kran lie, especially one who has such troubles waking up, and a mean right hook to boot.

Leonor- "Yay!"

That would be in normal circumstances. These, though, being not the run of the mill normal circumstances...

Lhoran, stepping out of Kwartz's reach- "Kwartz, my good man. GET UP! The lady is waiting."

Kwartz, swinging wide and finding nothing to hit this time- "Dang it, man, I was having the best dream. Good ale, pretty genderless Kran, and they finally implemented sitting. Sitting!"

Moogie, indeed tapping her foot again- "You were dreaming. And kind of you to notice my precious time running out. Aren't we supposed to be fighting some sort of giant, mechanized, golem type thingy right now?"

Leonor- "Yay?"

Moogie points at an overly large claymore twice as tall as Kwartz leaning against the wall as proof. Now anybody who has seen the movie knows what she is referring to. However, seeings how giant, mechanized, golem type thingies are another of those little things that have not been implemented, we'll have to improvise. Clackers or rats? Too small. Gobbles? Again just not right. Ulbes and Teffies? Big enough, but just not intimidating in the right way, and they can't carry giant claymores. Now, as the second set of massive gates begin to slowly swing inwards, let us consider what disturbing creature waits on the other side. What sort of nightmarish beast could I have planned for this terrifying moment. What could possibly be worse that a giant, mechanized, golem type thingy. Everyone gasps as something steps though the gates.

The something- "Hey everybody! Check it out; I'm finally in the parody! I rock!"

Everyone, in varying states of shock- "Taser?!"

Taser- "Yup. How did you like that sweet entrance? It totally rocked! You should see your faces right now! Leo! What are you doing here?"

Taser walks towards Leonor, grinning widely. Oddly, though, Leonor's expression is that of stark terror. He hugs his violin close to himself protectively.

Leonor- "No! I just got it fixed again."

Taser- "Come on. Just one song? I won't break it this time."

Leonor, terrified- "You said that last time!"

Leonor ducks behind Moogie. Moogie grabs her tail just in case biting is habitual for Leonor. Being of an astute mind, and a keen sense of events, she asks the one question on everyone's mind.

Moogie- "What the heck are you pulling now?"

Spoken like a true poet. What she meant was, I think, What is Miss Rander -otherwise known as dragonfire999- doing here instead of the golem? We'll let Taser answer that one.

Taser- "Oh, I'm working for Xordan now. Someone's gotta pay for my training. Check out these awesome pecks. I made them myself. Hey! Who's that? He's cute."

Lhoran backs slowly away from Taser's pointing finger and also hides behind Moogie. A wise choice, it would seem, judging be Taser's large predatory grin.

Moogie, shaking her head at the two menkis- "My heroes. So Taser... ah, you work for Xordan... doing what?"

Taser- "Oh! Didn't I tell you? I'm here to kill you all. Doesn't that rock?"

Leonor- "Yay?"

[Keyaz]

caught their personalities in a jar and spoon fed them a dictionary a day till the became words did you eh?

tremendous stuff

[dragonfire999]

I rox ^^
Also, im there because of my \"Ub3r 111 $73g|-|n7h 0f d()()/\\/\\\"


 Why am i the bad guy here?

[Under the moon]

You\'re not, Miss Rander, you\'re just drawn that way.     <---obscure movie trivia

[dragonfire999]

im not one for obscure stuff, you can tell us now? ^^;

[derwoodly]

Said by Jessica Rabbit in the movie Who framed Roger Rabbit.