When I first met Jjairr on top of the tavern door, I was poked to look at a thread that is still existing and contains a log extract of ingame RP, when I asked some questions to know what was going on with the char.
One would have preferred an IC explanation, but as a new player you get used to this kind of treatments, that try to put you away asap.
I obviously went to read it, lenghty to do, I must say, but I saw an incredible use of weird words (at least for me
) complex and making the story tricky to follow to me. Still, I went on, and the essence of the story I liked.
I think I never found Jjairr again till one of those Shaba tavern events to share stories, where Jjairr reluctantly agreed on sharing this story. I didn't manage to listen to all the chapters, but this was posted and I read. I did not state a public answer, but I did that privatedly, I'll assume. Still, I thought now it should better be put publicly.
I've just reread the story. Some things are there, and I recall being unchanged, but others, I'd almost assure that have changed. I almost can swear that Jjairr's "real" name has been changed, not that it makes any difference, but honestly, I did not feel like reading now the "non made up" thread to check if I was correct or not, after reading this thread from the start.
What can I say about the writing? I've always been impressed by that word choosing you've, for the variety, and also the speed that those words come to your head (and from there right to your fingers). If you really want to, you can end up writing very good.
I found two sentences through all the story that I found no sense to, but I'm not going to put them here, afraid of them really having sense, and being me the one not catching it. I'll add to the typos comment, though, pointing out that to != too. I seem I've spotted that one a few times during all my rereading.
As the slight criticism to the story itself, I'll say two things... the first one is that I hope this one is the exception of the rule amongst the Crystal mages
and now on a more serious note, the main flaw that I think the story has is the end, to me, it ends too easily, the rescue & "evil" defeating is finished in what? 2 lines? that seemed a bit incongruent with the rest of the story.
That said, if you've the a third of the abilities to transmit concepts to others on how to express their chars as you have in writing them, I'm sure you won't have any problem finding enough new players as to refill the Felines Lair house again.
