Best Friend Syndrome

[ylikone]

If you like someone, tell them.  And if they push you away, FOR GOD SAKES DON\'T START STALKING THEM.  Let it go, there are others out there.

[Under the moon]

You fear feeling humiliated and rejected. You don\'t know if you should tell, or suffer alone. You fear being alone, by either not telling and being alone, or telling, and ending alone. You fear that maybe your feelings are tricking you, and it is just your emotions desperately searching for a connection. You fear being right. You fear being wrong.

In the end, humiliation is temporary, but alone can be forever.

You just have to choose what you are more afraid of.

How to proceed after that?

....
....

I\'ll get back to you on that. No or yes is easy to deal with. It is the \'maybe\' that isn\'t.

Requirements filled here:

-1. I am a writer. That classifies me as odd. (she is also)
-2. Everyone has problems.
-3. A given
-4. Thinks of me as...someone safe to be with. A confidant. A keeper of secrets. A best friend. But, has wondered also...and knows it -would- work...if not for her having the same exact problem with someone -she- cares about very much (but is trying not to). *reminds himself to hire assassins*
-5. Terrifying, isn\'t it?

Our solution:

Be just as close as before, and see what happens. And spend half the summer taking part in a Ren Faire together.

[Jakob]

This happened to me as well, but I can even one up that...  She told me that she wanted to get back with her old boyfriend, which isn\'t so bad.  The kicker is that I offered help...  Curse my Christian Ninja ways  Seriously though I feel that if you really love someone friendship is just as important if not more important than any other thing.  This from the Christian Ninja who walks through the halls at school with a roll of duct tape on his wrist and as many as two graphing calculators as well as a copy of The Art of War so...

[BrotherCaine]

If you know _you_ wont destroy your friendship if she gently rejects you then go for it!  

Worst case: if it wrecks your friendship it is better to find out that they weren\'t a worthy friend.

Best case: you deepen a relationship with someone you love who you know loves you.

Also, second the no post rejection stalking comment.

[nightstalian]

well it seems she didn\'t even hear what I said, so things will probably go back to normal tomorrow.

but since I\'ve met her I\'ve changed I\'ve became nicer, I was a pretty mean nerd(lol),

[defender43]

It may be wisest to avoid the situation in the first place. Spend more time on the forums! You don\'t see pretty girls there! (except... I think I\'m falling for Karyuu... nevermind)

[nightstalian]

And my friendship slowy degrades, what happen I don\'t know, but it seems I\'m a better friend for her when she is dating.

[Waylander]

Oh em gee, Waylander is out of his thread :O

Anyways, this happened to me, we ended up ... having fun and then haven\'t spoken to each other since

I like to think it worked out well, but most people are lovey-dovey and so the advise I pass on to you is this.

1. Don\'t get drunk with her
2. If she is interested then don\'t take it for granted but, at the same time don\'t be too overbearing.
3. Don\'t break the news to her during an innocent sleepover, if you do, it\'ll end up either not innocent, or not a sleepover(you go home).
4. Friends are much more important than anything else, think this through, will her being your girlfriend be better than having her as a friend
5. Make sure your feelings are true.  A lot of people are looking for love and while doing so will turn other emotions into it, realize it after they get the person, and then ruin that persons life...for about two weeks

And last, but not least, in fact, it is last and most important

6. TEH REDHEADS ARE TEH DEVILS!!!!oneoneoneone

Thank you and good night

...


...


7. Make sure she is single

[defender43]

And avoid blondes. Although I am  blonde and _fairly_ intelligent, I do believe I\'m an exception to my race.

Go for the brunettes.

[nightstalian]

and the friendship is over, and she doesn\'t want me around her because it would feel \"akward\".

[steuben]

bugger her then. she wouldn\'t have been worth it if that is her responce.

but still chase after some else then. if you have friends in common and she complains about you showing up, it\'s her problem. so move on, it\'s her loss.

[nightstalian]

Originally posted by steuben
bugger her then. she wouldn\'t have been worth it if that is her responce.

but still chase after some else then. if you have friends in common and she complains about you showing up, it\'s her problem. so move on, it\'s her loss.

aperently I\'m too nice,
and I will respect her wishes because that is who I am.

[Under the moon]

*raises an eyebrow*

You can\'t be serious. What the hell?! She is going to let a little awkwardness destroy your friendship? That is shallow. She is only thinking of how she feels, and nothing of what you are going through. That is -not- what friends do.  X(

You want the honest truth? Most guys have had a bit of a crush on their female friends at one time or another. Some even more than a crush. The only difference this time, is that you had the courage to tell her.

That is not something to be penalized.

Does not want you around? That is pathetic, and really shows which of you is the stronger. Has she even considered how hard and awkward it has been for -you-? You have felt this way for some time now, have you not? And spent endless moments wishing you -could- tell her. Now -that- is awkward.

Now listen to me. Things can go several ways from here.

One, you let her have her way, and you both lose a good friend, and possibly more. You never know.

Two, your feelings never change, and neither do hers. But you stick together as you always have. Friendships CAN AND DO exist in this situation all the time. Sometimes the best of friendships.

Three, -your- feelings change, and you can see her as just a friend. If this happens, be SURE to tell her, as some actions could be misconstrued.

Four, -her- feelings could change, and she sees you for the great, devoted guy that you are. (this is the preferred one, of course, but also the rarest)

Five. The bad one. You end up hating each other, or other sort of bad feelings that make you part ways. It happens, but it is worth the risk. However, that HAS NOT happened yet in your case. Don?t give up yet.

Six, if a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound? It may, but you\'ll never know if you are not there. The same applies to your friendship/love. If you run off, and are not there, you will not know.


Just a few thoughts from the moon. Who, by the way, is still the very best of friends with his lady after telling, and will be spending half the summer with her. Just as friends. Awkwardness or not.

Send this to your friend. What can it do, make things awkward?

[Jakob]

I agree with Under the Moon completely.  After my little escapade we\'re still great friends (Some Freshman do deserve to live after all... ).  I think that, and she agrees, that friendship is more important than anything else.  I am a warrior and I fight for love, the love of friends, the love of family, and of course the love I feel towards her and because of this I\'m able to easily be her friend and a brother figure but that\'s because she was willing to see that I could still be that.  I think that\'s what you need to communicate to her, you need to tell her you can still be her friend.

[nightstalian]

and again I will respect her wishes,