Best Friend Syndrome

[derwoodly]

Hummm, on again, off again, just friends, romance.  Sounds like trouble to me.  I think Zanzibar, Karyuu, and acraig are all right on target.

6 months is way too short for anything. At any age.

High school is not really the best of times to form serious relationships with the opposite sex.  It can work, but it is the exception rather than the rule.

You are most definitely on the friends ladder. She may be a very nice person but she too is in high school (an assumption on my part) and is prone to hormones and her own self discovery that might not include you.

This may not be true of you, but for me, I had a lot more success with women (and life in general) after I figured out who I was.  I spent a lot wasted time trying to hook up with women before I even understood what kind of woman that I was attracted too (I mean the mind part, the body part I knew).

[edit: uggly spelling]

[Edit:
Taking advice from an internet forum of an online game is not generally a good idea either.]

[Waylander]

I have to say that derwoodly brings up a very good point in the last part of his post.  Not only after you figure out who you are though, you must first accept that.  And stop lieing to yourself, slightly off topic.  Everybody does it, but come on, who the hell are you fooling?  yourself?

After you do that, you are pretty much set for life.

[zanzibar]

There\'s a fine line between being sensitive to others and taking things too seriously.

[Ocegues-hazerk]

Isn\'t it called the friend zone :-P

[Levski]

I disagree on the definition of love with you Karyuu.  You can be in love with something incapable of loving you back, say an ideology, or a teddy bear.

Nightstalian, don\'t let other people tell you how to interpret your own emotions.  Be wary, and heed others\' warnings, but in the end, they are YOUR feelings.  For example, I know a couple who were sweethearts in high school.. and ended up getting married.

And, Nightstalian, just because nothing is happening now, doesn\'t mean it can\'t happen in the future.  Don\'t act as if it will though, just be yourself, have fun with her.  That\'s probably the most important part.  Actually, there should probably aways be a period of just being \'friends\' before becoming more - you don\'t want to find yourself in a relationship only for convenience.

[Karyuu]

Originally posted by Levski
I disagree on the definition of love with you Karyuu.  You can be in love with something incapable of loving you back, say an ideology, or a teddy bear.

The love for an ideology or an object is not the same as the love you experience for another real person.

[Levski]

How so, Karyuu?

And, I just noticed Acraig\'s Ladder Theory post.  I personally think that\'s just bull.  No offense Acraig.  Girl\'s are just like guys, mostly.  Only, our society teaches guys to be afraid of rejection.

Seriously, ladder theory is basically saying there\'s only one type of girl, an inflexible kind.  People joke about it, but then some take it seriously, and never go out on a limb because of it (or something else like it, like, the belief that your friends will laugh at you because you like someone).

Just be open, flirt (as Seperot says), have fun.  Then when you get a girlfriend, learn all of her idiosyncrasies, and make sure she knows you care (one form of caring is to not smother her with your affection).

Edit:  Wait, you\'re right, Karyuu, those are two different kinds of love.  I still think your definition is wrong, though.  Needing an outside confirmation of an inner feeling is just a method to make sure that you won\'t get hurt.

[Karyuu]

Originally posted by Levski
How so, Karyuu?

You are saying that the love for a husband and wife is the same love you may feel towards a Teddy Bear?

[Levski]

See Edit on previous post ^^  Sorry, must have been typing the edit as you responded.

[Karyuu]

Sorry for the misunderstanding :) It\'s not about needing a confirmation, but about the feeling being complete. Is there any doubt that a one-sided love is of a different quality than a love returned? Sure, you can \"love\" someone without the feeling being mutual, but it quickly becomes just yearning and pining, and it doesn\'t grow - it doesn\'t mature, it doesn\'t evolve, it doesn\'t bring you happiness unless it becomes complete.

[Levski]

Ah ok, I like that definition better.  See, love can exist if it\'s one sided.  It just doesn\'t go anywhere.  But it does get better if it is two sided.  I agree, wholeheartedly.  Much better.

Actually, I think that\'s probably the hardest part in all.  Not just finding a boyfriend or girlfriend who likes you back, but letting it grow.

Actually, that just happened to me.  We liked each other, but then it stumbled.  Gosh, why do girls have to be so difficult?

Oh, and another thing.  Back to Nightstalian, telling the truth is important in ANY relationship.  I think people value truth more than the comfort of a present relationship.  Besides, it makes her see you in a different light, and people love drama anyway.

[derwoodly]

Originally posted by Levski
Oh, and another thing.  Back to Nightstalian, telling the truth is important in ANY relationship.  I think people value truth more than the comfort of a present relationship.  Besides, it makes her see you in a different light, and people love drama anyway.

I agree with the truth part but not the drama part.  I do not love drama in a personal relationship.  Drama on the web is great, drama in my own life is seldom a good thing.  My first relationships did have a lot of drama and the result of that was... not good.  Now I have much less drama and a lot more humor, I am generally happy.

[Waylander]

Originally posted by Levski
Oh, and another thing.  Back to Nightstalian, telling the truth is important in ANY relationship.  I think people value truth more than the comfort of a present relationship.  Besides, it makes her see you in a different light, and people love drama anyway.

Heh, I can\'t remember the exact words but it went something along the lines of \"Our relationship was based on lies from the start...it\'s where all relationships end up so, it seemed like the logical place to start.\"

Anyways, there is a lot of lovey-dovey feeling going around here, and although that\'s alright, it is a bit too much.  I hate to put a downer on the love-fest but, don\'t take all the happy pink feelings to far, women love gritty black just as much.  The relationship is about balance, if you do everything right, it\'ll fail.  If you do everything wrong, it\'ll fail.  You\'ve gotta do the wrong thing once in a while.  I\'m not telling you to cheat, I\'m just telling you to white lie...and sometimes, let her find out.

Lust > Love \\o/  *runs away*

[Levski]

I meant as an interest factor.  It just throws your name out into the fray, if you can call it that.

Edit:  Waylander, nothing wrong with lovey-dovey.  And I don\'t think it\'s possible to do everything right, ever.

[Karyuu]

Originally posted by Waylander
I\'m not telling you to cheat, I\'m just telling you to white lie...and sometimes, let her find out.

Now we all learn why Waylander doesn\'t have successful relationships ;)