Bring out your jokes

[Pale]

Good evening ladles and gintlepong:

Let the bad humour commence!



An egg and chicken are lying back in bed, smoking cigarettes. The chicken turns to the egg and says, \"Well, we\'ve answered that question\"

[neko kyouran]

Bad humor huh?  Hmm, I think I got two.

1) Horse goes into a bar (pub).  Bartender asks, \"Why the long face?\"

2) Wanna hear a dirty joke?  A Pig roled in the mud.

*cues drum beat*

[Mentak]

*Hello* \"Testing, 1.2.3...\"

Why are there so many rats in the sewers? Because Harnquist no longer buys them.

And the crowd goes wild \\o/!

:3

[Learch]

Why do Tefusangs have such large nostrils?


...


Because they have such large fingers!

[Kiern]

Originally posted by Learch
Why do Tefusangs have such large nostrils?


...


Because they have such large fingers!

That joke was done so completely wrong that it\'s funny. :baby:

[LigH]

There once was a Kran, standing on the plaza, shouting: \"Fried Klyros wings, fried Klyros wings ...\"

A minute later, he finds himself in the Death Realm, gathers his pebbles, and smiles:

\"So, who said Kran would never ever fly?\"


From a story telling evening in Kada-El\'s tavern, Fri 30-Sep-2005

[zanzibar]

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?




A:  It was dead.






Q:  Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?






A:  It was stapled to the monkey .

[davo]

lmao heres some real jokes.



These 2 rabbit trappers had been around the traps and were busy gutting the rabbits, of which there were hundreds. One of the trappers announced that he had to go into the bush to excrete. His mate said, ?All right?, and continued to gut, flinging the rabbits? entrails well out of the way so as to keep the work area comparatively clean.

One set of entrails landed directly under the rabbiter as he answered the call of nature. He was gone a bit longer than usual and when he came out of the bush his face was deathly pale and he was barely able to walk. His mate said, ?Strike me pink, sport, what?s wrong??

?You wouldn?t believe it,? said the sick and sorry rabbiter, ?but I strained so hard that I passed some of my guts on the ground.?

?Strewth?, said his mate, ?we?ll have to get you to a doctor.?

?No, I?ll be all right soon?, said the reeling rabbiter. ?With the help of God and a little stick I got ?em all back in again.?

muhaha funny stuff

heres another one:

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End. On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea. The Americans were incredulous.

Then later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine. He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air. The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine.

?Jacky,? said the tour guide, ?what are you tracking and what are you listening for??

The aborigine replied, ?Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant ute. It?s red. The left front tyre is bald. The front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel. There are 9 fellows in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat.?

The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.

?Goddammit man, how do you know all that?? asked one.

The Aborigine replied, ?I fell out of the bloody thing about half an hour ago.?

lmao

[defender43]

Okay.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, \"Hey, I found this killer jigsaw puzzle and need help getting it started. Could you come help me\"
The boyfriend replies, \"Sure. What\'s it supposed to look like when it\'s finished?\"
The blonde said \"According to the box, it\'s supposed to look like a tiger.\"
The boyfriend arrived, looked at the pieces, at the box, and at the blonde. He says \"First of all, there\'s no way we\'ll be able to arrange this into anything resembling a tiger. Second, why don\'t you relax, have a cup of coffee, and then...

...let\'s put these Frosted Flakes back in the box.\"

[Zaxim]

Originally posted by davo

?No, I?ll be all right soon?, said the reeling rabbiter. ?With the help of God and a little stick I got ?em all back in again.?

My butt actually twinged in sympathy......

[Mystickeeper]

lol, ok
I got this one from my friend...
Tongue Twister

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.

He says to him, \"Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?\"

So the guy tells him: \"Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I\'d like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I\'d like a picket to Tittsburgh.\"   \"She socked me one.\"  

The first guy responded, \"Mine was a tongue twister too.\"
\"I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.\'\'

*edit*

ok, got another one
This one\'s just cuz everyone in my school is obsessed with Chuck Norris jokes all of a sudden...

hehe, http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com
XD
these are just a few of my favorites =D

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

 Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It\'s called Chuck-Will-Kill.

# Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this \"a slow Tuesday.\"

Please avoid posting two or more successive posts before others have replied. Just edit your last post to add new information :) Thanks! --Karyuu

[Learch]

I gotta say I have a soft spot for the dry humor. Here\'s a bit of genuine Canadian wisdom:


Two Inuit sitting in their kayak were getting chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that...


...you can\'t have your kayak and heat it too!

[zorbels]

A friend sent this to me, thought is was worthy of the joke thread....

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned
in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main
computers, he dialed the employee\'s home phone number and was
greeted with a child\'s whisper.

\"Hello?\"

\"Is your daddy home?\" he asked.

\"Yes.\" whispered the small voice.

\"May I talk with him?\"

The child whispered, \"No.\"

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, \"Is
your Mummy there?\"

\"Yes.\"

\"May I talk with her?\"

Again the small voice whispered, \"No.\"

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the
boss asked, \"Is anybody else there?\"

\"Yes,\" whispered the child, \"a policeman.\"

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee\'s home, the boss
asked, \"May I speak with the policeman?\"

\"No, he\'s busy\", whispered the child.

\"Busy doing what?\"

\"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman,\" came the whispered
answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, \"What is that noise?\"

\"A hello-copper\", answered the whispering voice.

\"What is going on there?\" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, \"The search team just landed
the hello-copper.\"

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, \"What are
they searching for?

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:

\"ME.\"

[Belark]

ROFL:D

[Karyuu]

There was a man who entered a local paper\'s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.




That\'s totally the best thing ever. I may die now because I will never hear anything more perfect.