You can use The Fall of Armen (look in RP forum)
Also...
After the Beanstalk
You all know, I am sure, the story of Jack and the Beanstalk. Boy trades cow for beans, mother throws beans out a window, beans grow, boy runs up and down beanstalk carrying off a big scary ogre?s gold, goose, and harp, ogre chases boy down vine, boy chops down vine, ogre dies. And they all live happily ever after, right? (Except for the ogre, that is) Well, they do when the book usually ends. But afterwards?that is a different story.
* * *
Jack yawned and took a sip of water from the pitcher on the table in front of him. He began speaking again, saying, ?Lay lay lay lay lay lay?? It was bad enough that his mother wanted ever greater amounts of money from that cursed goose that laid golden eggs, but now the large amount of gold in the market decreased its price considerably. (Of course, a goose laying many times its body weight in gold completely violated the law of conservation of matter, but since nobody knew about that law, nobody cared.) Now he had to stay awake late into the night saying that accursed word ?lay? over and over in order to produce enough money to satisfy her. Exhausted, he fell asleep.
Slesai lurked among the bushes around the house. A skilled thief, he had observed Jack?s activities for days. Now he noted Jack falling asleep and crept towards the door. He pulled out his LockPicker 500 (patent pending) and skillfully picked the lock of the front door. As he sneaked through the house, through the long corridors lined with doors, he found the room in which the goose lay, half-dead from laying so many eggs. He stepped up to the table, ready to grab the goose, but a searing pain shot up his big toe. Barely suppressing a grunt, he looked down to see a mousetrap sprung on his foot. Slesai blindly rushed out of the house, for he knew that Jack might wake up at any minute from the noise. He darted out of the door, not noticing the writing on the doormat, which read ?Welcome. Please avoid the mousetraps.?
Jack woke and noticed that one of the many mousetraps scattered about the room was missing. He was pleased that his traps had worked, but became uneasy as he realized that there were some people who now wanted to steal his source of wealth. ?Those fools are trying to steal what I rightfully stole,? he mumbled and began to repeat ?lay? again.
A few uneventful days passed; that is, Jack repeated ?lay? without interruption or attempts of theft. Daily, his mother went to town, exhibiting the magical harp for crowds, who paid ten copper coins each (some grumbled about exorbitant pricing) for admission. Every night the harp was placed inside a safe, which was stored within a vault, which was guarded by ten hired soldiers and two bloodhounds. Ironically, despite going to such lengths to protect the harp, Jack?s mother considered Jack enough guard for the goose.
The next would-be thief was a wizard. In Jack?s realm, the few wizards that were left were nothing like the mysterious and well-off wizards that one would expect. Due to rampant skepticism, they were so poor that many were dressed in rags and were mere entertainers. They were so destitute that they were obliged to shave their beards, since many a heckler had accused them of hiding the secret to their tricks inside their beards.
This wizard, Elbmub, was no exception. In rags he crept down to the vault, cast a magical sleep upon the unsuspecting guards and dogs, and quietly opened the vault and safe (magically of course). When he was about to retrieve the harp, however, he was shocked to hear it scream ?Master, master!? He quickly dropped the harp, exited the building (magically), and wondered at the harp?s ability to talk as well as play. Apparently, he was too poor to afford the ten copper coins admission; otherwise he would have heard the harp talk at its performances. Two rooms away, Jack sprang awake, but was characteristically too late to do anything.
Sadly, the stress of the attempted theft proved too much for Elbmub. As soon as he found his way back to the town, he collapsed in the street, only regaining consciousness the next afternoon. The local newspaper, the Generic Herald, which was short on news that day, printed the following note:
?Elbmub Eeb, well known as an entertainer, was found collapsed in Main Street today. He is expected to make a full recovery. However, he told the Herald while his doctor was performing surgery, that had he died, he would have liked his last words to be ?argh?. His collapse was apparently due to ?Something about his heart?, according to his doctor. We all hope for his continued recovery, for he was the epitome of a good citizen: successful, honest, and with a good heart. Metaphorically speaking, of course.?
The mystery of the vault-breaking remained unexplained for a long time. A guard mumbled something about a wizard, but everyone laughed them down. ?Those charlatans couldn?t open a lock with a key!? Jack?s mother exclaimed.
Again, several days passed without incident, but the next incident was large indeed. News came of an invasion force from the neighboring kingdom of Aralynn, who came to take the goose and harp by force. Jack, ever the obedient son, prepared at once for battle, strapping a frying pan to his hand and wielding a spatula. His mother bravely hid inside their house and said, ?Come back with your frying pan or in it!?
Jack tramped over fields and roads, wishing that he had waited for the Aralynian army at home rather than going to them. He shook a stone out of his shoe, and strode on.
Meanwhile, in the Aralynian camp, a scout brought to his general, Lord Tnagorra, word of a lone soldier marching upon their camp. Tnagorra immediately gave the order for the army to slowly and quietly advance.
As the huge army crawled forward, a herald strode ahead of it. Drawing a deep breath, he shouted loudly enough for the hills to ring, ?ALL HAIL LORD TNAGORRA THE OMNIPOTENT!?
?Quiet, fool! We?re supposed to be sneaking up on him. He?s not supposed to hear us!? Tangorra hissed to the herald.
?I?m sorry, lord, but this has to be done the proper way. ALL HAIL LORD TNAGORRA THE OMNIPOTENT!?
Tnagorra sighed, resigned to the necessity of an attack of force rather than of surprise. The herald tried again, but his voice was nearly useless. ?ALL hail?agh?LORD??.
?Why don?t you just blow a fanfare??
?An excel?agh?ent id?ea?.? The herald drew a horn and blew a loud and lengthy fanfare.
By now Jack could plainly see the army. ?Who are you and what is your aim?? he yelled, waving his spatula threateningly.
Trying to be heard above the fanfare, Lord Tnagorra yelled, ?We are the Legion of Aralynn, and we are here to take the goose that lays golden eggs!?
The fanfare blew still louder, trying to be heard above the yelling. Jack responded, ?You?ll pry it out of my dead hands. Wait?it appears that I don?t have it, so it won?t be in my hands. But still, I will oppose your theft!?
?Silence, boy, you are ten thousand times outnumbered!? Tnagorra?s voice was very strained now, and he yelled to the herald, ?Stop blowing that stupid fanfare!?
?You told me to blow it, didn?t you??
?Yes, but don?t keep blowing it! Just a few notes and that?s all, you hear??
Jack, now no more than twenty feet from Tnagorra, waited for the exchange to finish, and he finally said to Tnagorra, ?You?re right. I have no chance fighting, and there is no honor in defeating an outnumbered man. Therefore we shall duel in wits, where numbers mean little.?
?Honor? What?s honor??Oh right, that thing. Very well, I accept. Lay down your challenge.?
Jack produced a box from his cloak. ?As you can see, this box has a lock. If you can find a way to open the box without damaging it, you shall have the goose. If you cannot and I open it, you shall return to Aralynn defeated.?
A wave of laughter swept over the Aralynians. Tnagorra said, ?Fool boy, you challenge a general of Aralynn to such a simple task? It is a simple combination lock! All I have to do is find the correct combination.? Without a pause, he set to work on the lock.
Several hours passed, and Tnagorra was still unable to open the lock. He passed it to his hired assassin, who was also unable to open it. Finally, having called a council and concluding that the box could not be opened, he returned it to Jack.
?Nice try, boy, attaching a lock that could not be opened. Still, the terms state quite clearly that you must be able to open the box as well. My advisors were very clear on this point. You said, ?If you cannot and I open it, you shall return to Aralynn defeated,? meaning, or so I was told, that you have to open it as well. Let us see your wits best us in that, sirrah!?
?Very well, I shall.? Jack took the box and turned it over a few times. ?You see, once he had determined that the lock could not be opened, a true man of wits would have looked for another way to open it. Now, if you look on this side?? he pushed cleverly concealed button and the box opened, ??you will see that it is quite a simple matter! Now, will you do the honorable thing and retreat??
One of Tnagorra?s advisors whispered to him, ?This is an outrage! We cannot let this happen! It will ruin our reputation!?
Tnagorra replied, ?Well, what do you expect us to do??
?Why, kill the boy, of course!? The advisor was fond of exclamation points.
?But?we can?t do that. The supernatural power enforcing fair play might get us! It?s happened many times in stories such as these all around the world.?
?Come now! You are too well learned to believe in supernatural powers enforcing fair play! Everyone knows that they don?t exist!? Instantly, lightning leapt out of a clear sky and struck the advisor, leaving in his place a pair of smoking sandals, upon which was traced the words ?Yes, we do?. The Aralynian army quickly fled.
Jack finally made it home, weary and hungry. His mother greeted him at the door, but Jack shuffled up to his room and fell asleep. When he awoke the next day, he told his mother that he had decided that the goose and harp were simply too much trouble to keep. His mother agreed, since her 50 newly hired guards and two ?magical wards? had eaten up their previous profit and threatened their financial future. They traded the harp for a cow and had goose for dinner that night, and lived in destitute poverty (but very happily) ever after.
