OOC Coments -- Community Built Story

[zorbels]

"Mam there is something wrong with brado i have heard you know healing magic plase come see him"   Zorbels runs to the bar and brado isnt there miadon quickly tells her "Hes in his room downstairs" zorbels runs downstairs to the room thats door is usually locked she looks insideand gasps...

Leaving the story open to continue is great but one issue. I like to write what my character is doing. If like to have the choice in what I am going to see or say next. I originally, was going to talk with Miadon in my next post. As you can see in his last line he was speaking to me. It would be weird for me to not reply.

I also don't understand who is speaking to me. You never introduced the I assume "Man behind the counter." I thought we were in a weapons shop with Trasok, and you as his apprentice (who ever your character is?? you still haven't mentioned anything about yourself.) So how could we go from there ...... to being a brados with him ill. If he is in Trasok place downstairs, how did he get there?

What I am saying is four posts into this story and I am already confused as to what the heck is going on, and who is doing what. If you are going to insist on your form of writing style Nalain I will not argue that as this is your thread. Who knows maybe others will enjoy having the plot arranged for them so they can just write along to it.  I will however not be able to continue this story as I am not sure my writing style will fit in.

Good luck. 

[Nalain Tarek]

sorry fixing it  PPPLLLLESSSe stay you have an important p[art your the mysterious person or do you want to edit that post to a random fenki

[Karyuu]

I renamed both threads, if you don't mind - one to fix spelling, and this one to specify OOC comments for what :}

[zorbels]

@Zhai: Oh come on! I's all Spetyco fault. Him and his millions of ulbers, come to think of it ..... did we even camp?  I don't think we even roleplayed out camping. XD To busy fighting and saving people. Heh... It was fun.

@Nalain: I agree with Zhai on this one. Having an OOC thread can be useful and help the writers to communicate with one and other without filling up the story thread with OOC comment. This makes the story easy to read and follow. When the OOC thread is made and comments moved I will earse the ones that are posted with my story so they don't clutter and confuse.

@ karyuu: Oh boy, I thought Zhai's post would be moved here so I decided to take this out of the other thread and stick it here. Feel free do delete this post.

[miadon]

Nalain, you went off in a tagent again, you didn't really let a conversation happen. It kind of interuppted the story flow.

[LARAGORN]

Hello people

Its good to see another community story

Just a little suggestion to help with the flow.
If you have a big event in mind, let everyone know in this thread. That way if someone else had an idea they were about to post they wouldnt have to rewrite it all.
You can also adopt what the last community story writers did, just type "pause" if you have an idea and need time to type it out. Then go back and edit your "pause" into your contribution.

Just a couple ideas for ya's
Have fun and i am looking forward to reading about your adventures )

[Nalain Tarek]

@miadon : you can have a coversation but they just dont noice him because his bodys still there

[miadon]

yes, but you placed it IMO at the wrong time, as the flow was totally changed, it went from zorbels starting a convo, the bang into something else, if it has been written after the convo had developed something, you could have tied it off by saying, while miadon and zorbels continued their conversation yadda tadda nadda happened.


PS: body?? :s

[Nalain Tarek]

nevermind  No more interuptions from me please keep on story Ps i fixed my  thing continue the conv no more interuptions 

[zorbels]

On a night with a large thunderstorm there is born a menki his mother and father died when a bolt of ligntning hit their twining tails. 20 years later hes working in the new ojaveda blacksmith he works as an apprentice for the dwarf trasok.  He repairs weapons for customers who already bought his massters wares. Suddenly a customer appears in a wisp of smoke . . .

Ok, I went on this post and became the customer that appeared from the wisp of smoke. I approached the Blacksmith apprentice which I thought to be Nalains character. Miadon for some reason named the person I approached Xagred. So I am assuming that is Nalains characters name (The apprentice I approached to fix my blade). If it is not then Nalain it was your character who I was speaking with in the first place. From that point I went to talk with Miadon. I am not sure if you want the name Xagred or not, but it would be nice to have some active posts from your character. You see ..... you started this story, so in my eyes you must lead it. If things are not working for you then pm people and tell them what your plans are and what way you see the story heading, or post it in the OOC thread. The modify button is a wonderful thing, and we can change what is posted to better the story line.

Now because I am not sure where this story is going. I am waiting for others to join this roleplay story or post so I have something to work with. My suggestion to you Nalains is maybe post something about what and where your character is. Discribe your characters actions and maybe throw some action in there, like a bunch of bandits come into the smithy to rob you or you owe a huge dept to the neightborhood thugs and they have come to collect, etc. This will help give your story pick up and become more exciting, and give us all something to write about. You don't need to use my ideas as they are just suggestions, but we really need you to fill in some gaps.

[zhai]

@Zhai: Oh come on! I's all Spetyco fault. Him and his millions of ulbers, come to think of it ..... did we even camp?  I don't think we even roleplayed out camping. XD To busy fighting and saving people. Heh... It was fun.

lol Zorbs, but you still gotta prove you CAN camp (no ulbers, no spetyco's nemesis, no flying snakes, just a campfire and marshmellows).

Now, if you want the story to take a certain turn you can suggest your idea (say: can i be the bad guy?/sure! go ahead/i'm gonna be able to kill an ulber with my fists/dude, you're tripping/ok, ok, but i'll be stronger than the rest of the party so they all have to fight me/ok, that works... and so on) instead of asking for edits (say: that's not good, change it). And if you posted something people don't understand but have a point to make, say that it will be justified (like: what? why are you going back to hydlaa when the battle's in Oja?/ because i'm gonna get something there, trust me/ok, but keep in mind what we've established so far...). I'm not saying you gotta give away your plot, we need surprises, but this is a community story so we should be on the same page. Let's PM each other if you want someone to do or say something you find interesting (just like we /tell or with in-game RP).

[neko kyouran]

The beginings look good, but, umm, may I ask what is up with the last post made.  It goes from just about to have a conversation and outta now where, that one sentance.  It just seems so, out of place, maybe.  Also, condition?  Since when did have a condition? It seems a bit too much out of the blue I think.  A good writer builds suspense by giving little hints here and there and gets the reader to a point where they don't want to stop reading.  Honestly, I'm left with a strange confusion feeling after reading whats been posted so far.  Perhaps if it had been more subtle or something.  There was a nice flow and atmosphere going and then wham, the last post.  Makes me sit back in my seat and go, "huh?".  I would also think from the view point of the other writers wanting to contribute that they are wondering how to continue to the story after that.  It just kinda throws everyone for a loop.  But that's just my opinion on it.  Not trying to be mean or anything, just thought I'd give feedback from a reader's point of view.

[Nalain Tarek]

good point neko Karyuu zap it 

[Karyuu]

Er... what? o.O

[miadon]

Karyuu he means delete his last post in the community story thread.