Please help :'(

[Dahari]

I need your help guys. I know your lovely people and I can't talk to people around here about it. you see how it started was many years ago i made friends with these two guys and the three of us are still the best of friends but recently something bad happened. About a year ago I met this girl and her and we flirted with each other whenever we saw each other and got on really well but we were just aquaintences. Then without me knowing it one of my best friends met her and they became good friends. At this stage she did'nt know myself and him even knew each other. Then my friend fell madly in love with her. It gets confusing here. That was okay, I backed of once I found out but a couple of months later he moved to the other end of the country. This was when my other friend fell madly in love with her and they started seeing each other for about four months. Her feelings for him have totaly faded and they don't do anything me and him don't do but he still acts like thier an item. Recently she has fallen for me and i have fallen for her a long time ago and on friday night at a party we had a drunken kiss. Now i can't even look at my friend without almost crying because i love them both even though he dosn't know about it. I'm worried it might break up my band because the two guys are in it and the band is my life. I can't function without it. What will I do?

[Santiago]

I should warn you that these forums are not the appropriate place for personal matters like this. I won't close or remove the thread, but please be aware that the replies you get from members here may not be useful, or may not be nice. Unless everybody knows you, and knows intimately the details of this situation, there is not much worthwhile advice anyone can give.

[Dahari]

Sorry i just dont know where else to go. Sorry. Forget it.

[neko kyouran]

Heh, teenage romance...

Best advice I can give you, get all parties involved together for a chat, and simply sit down and explain what has happened, and hopefully, if everyone stays grown up about it, you will be able to work it out.

Talking can solve many problems, but only if the other parties are willing to listen.

And here's a bit of an old thread, but hey, it's still worth a read.  If I recall right, it was on a similar subject.

http://hydlaa.com/smf/index.php?topic=22157.0

[Kiern]

Like Santiago said, it's hard to know what would be good advice unless we know the exact situation/personalities/people involved.  So really all I can say is you're going to have to talk to someone who actually knows you. 

That's not to say I don't have an opinion on this, because I do and under other circumstances I might discuss it...but you want advice, not a discussion.  And I don't feel comfortable giving out advice like I think I know what you should do when it's just my opinion which you might take too seriously.  Asking random people for advice on your life I don't think is very wise, we are in no way qualified to tell you what to do.  Only to give you something to think about.

One thing though, hopefully you'll learn to control yourself when drunk.

[steuben]

* steuben points to an archieve of savage love arctiles that is some out there on the net.

but unless they mention anything about it pretend that it didn't happen. drunkeness does not make for good choices... i have the scars and the police reports to prove it.

[zorbels]

Best advice I can give you, get all parties involved together for a chat.....

I wouldn't suggest that at all (sorry neko, no offence ), especially if your friend is the type to not be an open minded individual or he is deeply in love. Ask yourself this, is she worth it. Do you feel for her that much that you are willing to sacrifice your friendship with your best friend.

If answer is no, then you won't have a problem.

If answer is yes then you need to wait it out. Have a least that much respect for his feelings because that is what friends do. Also think about how you would feel if he was the one in love with the girl who was with you but didn't want to be. Just because she has told you, or you see that her feelings aren't there for your friend, doesn't mean it isn't going to be an issue if she dumps him and comes to you.  My suggestion is if you two are right for each other, wait until there relationship isn't a sore spot for your friend. As he may feel deeply for her. Once he is over the break up blues, approach him and tell him about your feelings. Tell him from the start. Then go from there. If he gets upset then you know your risking your friendship and can make a decision between the two. If he isn't upset, then you are in the clear and all is well. Not to mention you gain trust and respect from him as he will see you waited to make this more comfortable for him.  

[neko kyouran]

No offense taken Zorbels.  I've just always found that almost all issues that I have had to go through in my life so far could be worked out through structured chat.  But as I said, that only works if all parties involved are willing to have this chat and not only talk, but listen to what the others have to say and be willing to come to agreement on what should be done. 

When a situation starts to mingle with love and romance, then things to get tricky.  In these types of situations, as it's been said, "it's hard to know what would be good advice unless we know the exact situation/personalities/people involved.  So really all I can say is you're going to have to talk to someone who actually knows you." (Kiern's response to Dahari )

[William W]

All I can say, what an odd girl 

[Robinmagus]

Millions die of hunger and thirst every day and here you are making a thread about petty women issues. Find yourself a new woman mate. Sounds like a **** to me.

EDIT: Removed bad bad words, after remembering that Karyuu prowls these halls :/

[zanzibar]

You and your friends seem to fall "madly in love" rather easily.  I recomend having your water tested.

You aren't in love with her.  It's just puppy love / a crush.  'Playing adult' and talking about it is a bad idea.  You aren't adults and it doesn't sound like there's anything to talk about anyway.  Of course, you probably won't believe me, so you'll continue to think that what you're feeling is actually meaningful.  You and your friends will fall into a period of melodramatic and unnecessary bickering and bitterness over a girl who probably just wants to have some fun and is possibly only after the attention.

But hey, it's just a part of growing up, right?  Right...

[Vengeance]

My advice is not to say or do anything too dramatic.  Just let it play out.  Your guy friend will probably fall madly in love with someone else soon, in which case he won't mind that you kissed a girl he is done with...  The girl will probably have drunken kisses with 5 other guys before it becomes public that you did....  Etc.  Etc.  If they are in your band, you don't want to mess that up over illusions of 'honesty'.

I've regretted being open and honest and saying things I wanted to say, but I've never been sorry I didn't say something.

After you decide what to do and do it, come back and post here how it went so we can see whose advice was right and whose was wrong, ok?  I'm curious now. :-)

- Vengeance

[biruno]

id just get rid of her they are all over the place you can find another one but you might not wanna listen to me im only 13  but ive held a GF for 2 years so that should count for somthin

[Mirashi]

You treat girls like things when you talk like that...

[biruno]

NO I DONT!